Karen



(Ep 1 - "Pilot")

(Norma is setting the dinner table as Karen enters.)
Karen, honey, you said you were gonna come home early and help me with dinner.
Peace mom, OK? (Gestures.)
Peace is fine, but you said you were gonna help me with dinner.
You have so much bad karma in your life, you know that mom? I'd be careful if I were you.
Thank you, I'll keep an eye out. In the meantime, when your father gets back try not to make him crazy.
(Jack enters.)
Hi, Paul.
(Paul waves his bread at Jack.)
Dad always said "hi" to our friends, but it was like he had this understanding with the family - he worked hard for us, he provided for us, and he certainly didn't want to have to talk to us on top of that. My approach was to not make any sudden moves or sounds until he'd finished that first vodka tonic and hope that nobody else did anything that might upset him too much before then.
I'm gonna get some birth-control pills. I thought you should know.
(Jack bangs the table with his fist.)
I didn't hear what I just heard!






*
(Jack, Kevin and Norma return from Kevin's school.)
Brian Cooper was killed.
Oh my god! When did they find out?
(Karen shakes her head.)
I'm gonna call Evelyn and see if there's anything I can do. Oh my god, poor Evelyn...poor Jim.

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(Ep 3 - "My Father's Office")

(Karen is standing on a chair as Norma hems Karen's skirt.)
It's too long.
If I made it any shorter it would be a headband.
Hey, mom?
Hmmmm?
What does Dad do for a living?
What do you mean what does he do for a living? He works for NORCOM.
Yeah, I know. But what does NORCOM do?
They're part of the military-industrial complex.
It is not. They make those little - thingies. You know, electro...something. I forget what they're called.
Those little "thingies" are helping to burn villages and kill children in Southeast Asia.
They are this big...(gestures)...for God's sake, they are not killing anybody's children.
But you admit they're used for military purposes.
They're used in toasters and coffee makers.
Oh. So the military does need toast.
Karen?! For God's sake.
*
(In the morning, Kevin is going with Jack to Jack's work.)
Kevin, you look so nice. Karen, doesn't your brother just look so nice?
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Karen, as Norma smoothes his hair.)
(Shot of Karen looking over the newspaper.)
He looks like a little running dog, capitalist pig.
*
(Kevin has a fantasy about doing Jack's work.)
I imagined myself in that role...
(Kevin puts his feet up on the desk. The nameplate on the desk changes from "Jack Arnold" to "Kevin Arnold".)
Administering things...giving orders, chewing people out.
(Karen enters, dressed as a secretary.)
What the hell do you want?!
(Timidly): Well, Mr. Arnold, sir, i-if...if you're not too busy, sir, I have some papers for your approval, sir.
(She puts some papers on the desk. Kevin snatches them up.)
Sure, I do everything else around here, don't I?
(Kevin stamps the papers forcefully.)
Thank you, sir.
(Karen backs up and exits, as Wayne enters on his knees.)
Good morning...buttface!

Good morning, sir. I spent all night working on these for your approval, sir.
(Kevin flips through some pages, then rips and throws papers back in Wayne's face.)
They stink. Do 'em over again.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah, this was OK. Like father, like son, I guess.

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(Ep 4 - "Angel")

(Slides of Jack and Norma as newlyweds, then more and more kid pix.)
When my parents started out together...everybody still listened to the Andrew Sisters. Everybody was having babies, and everybody liked Ike. Everybody knew that if they just worked hard...and did all the right things...a sort of paradise of family life lay ahead.
(Click of the slide projector - black screen. Cut to the kitchen. Karen enters with an 8-track playing Jimi Hendrix "Foxy Lady".)
I guess "paradise" is a relative kind of word.
(Karen gyrates to the music.)
Turn that noise down! (Frowns.)
(Karen sets the 8-track on the table and takes a cookie from Wayne's plate. Wayne and Kevin try to grab it back.)
That noise is the best guitarist in the whole world!
Yes, and I'm the best cook in the world! Now turn that down before you cause us all brain damage!
You know, Mom...I live here too. And if I want to listen to my music...
(Jack enters.)
Mom told you to turn it down, now turn it down!
(They talk at the same time.)
I know what she told me...
Karen...
If you want to live here, you play by these rules...
*
(Kevin is watching a TV western. Man1 is talking to Man2.)
And leave my wife alone.
(Dramatic music plays as the the wife looks on with concern, and stands up. The men start fighting. Man1 knocks Man2 across a chair. The wife looks at her husband. He pants and smiles at her. The woman runs forward into his arms and they kiss.)
Steve!
(Swelling dramatic music plays as Karen and her boyfriend, Louis, enter with their arms around each other.)
It's gonna be at the college, and it being a weeknight...and my parents, I mean...(sighs)...it's just gonna be such a hassle.
Well, I know a few Viet Namese peasants who probably feel that's worth the hassle.
(Kevin looks at the TV.)
Come here, you...
(Karen leans her cheek against Louis.)
Oh, I can't come march. Not tonight.
OK.
(They start to hug and kiss. Kevin frowns at them.)
Iced-tea OK?
Yeah, sure. Can I make a phone call?
Sure.
(They kiss again, then separate. The TV music is winding up.)
Kevin?! (Frowns.) Can you turn that stupid thing down?
I was here first!
It's OK, Karen.
(Karen frowns at Kevin as she exits toward the kitchen. Kevin has a fantasy based on the TV movie, where he fights Louis and wins.)
(As western hero): Take that, you low-down, snake-bellied, lily-livered weirdo.
(Dramatic TV music plays.)
(As western sister): Ahhh!
(Karen hurries from the kitchen and pauses. Kevin looks over his shoulder at her.)
(As western hero): Sorry, sis. He was no good.
(Karen hurries toward Kevin, with more dramatic music. She stops in front of Kevin and smiles.)
(As western sister): Oh, Kevin! I'm so glad I have a brother like you!
(She hugs Kevin.)
I'm gonna make your bed for you from now on.
*
(Back in reality, Kevin and Louis talk about Louis' other girlfriend, Marissa.)
Does Karen know about this?
(Karen returns with drinks.)
Louis? Is he bugging you?
(Karen sits next to Louis and hands him an iced-tea. She sets hers on the coffee-table, and they kiss once. They pull apart, and Karen looks at Kevin.)
Kevin. Do you think that maybe you could play somewhere else?
Oh, Karen, he's fine. We were just talkin' about relationships.
(Kevin pauses, then turns toward the hallway as Louis turns to Karen.)
Uh, I talked to Marissa - she can make it tonight.
Oh, good.
(Karen smiles and snuggles closer to Louis.)
That makes me feel a little less guilty.
She really did know about Marissa.
(Kevin takes a step toward the couch and leans his hands on it.)
OK - now I was officially confused. I felt like I had to take action.
(Karen and Louis kiss as Kevin watches.)
To...make a stand - to do something...But I had no idea what.
(Karen slows down and notices Kevin.)
Fortunately, my sub-conscious had a plan.
Kevin? Are you just gonna stand there?
(Kevin looks away, the at Karen and nods.)
Yes.
(Karen and Louis look at each other and Louis shrugs slightly. They resume kissing.)
*
(In the kitchen, Kevin is talking to Norma, trying to get her worked up against Louis. Karen and Louis enter, smiling, and Karen tucks her blouse in. Norma frowns slightly at them.)
Mom, this is Louis. Louis, this is my Mom.
(Norma smiles slowly.)
Well, hi, Louis. It's nice to meet you.
Mom? Do we have any carrots?
Yes, honey, we have carrots. But I thought it might be nice...(gestures)... if I said hello to your...friend.
(They shake hands.)
It's really nice to meet you.
So, uh, I'm making dinner, now, Louis. There's plenty of chicken if you'd like to stay.
That's very nice of you...but, actually, um...
Louis doesn't eat meat, Mom.
*
(Further along the conversation...)
Who the hell did this guy think he was? Asking my mother if her life was fulfilling?
I guess I've never really thought about that. (Smiles.)
(Karen leans forward and nods.)
Maybe you should, Mom.
*
(At dinner, Jack and Louis have started arguing about Brian Cooper's death.)
I don't think it's meaningless when a young man dies for freedom and for his country.
I just have a little trouble...justifying dying for a government that systematically represses its citizens.
Oh, honey. Try the potatoes - I put grated cheese on them. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks at Louis.)
What the hell is that supposed to mean? (Frowns.)
It means the United States government is responsible...for the oppression of blacks, women, free speech...(Gestures.)
Well perhaps, little lady, you'd like to go live in Russia for a little while, hah?
Oh, uh...I think what Karen is saying is that -
Look, buster! I happen to believe that freedom and democracy have certain advantages that Communist dictatorships don't, and that is what Vietnam is all about!
No, man, that's what they brainwash you to believe it's all about.
So...you think I've been brainwashed, do you, Louis?
No. No. Look...(gestures)...I think anyone...who supports the American war effort in Vietnam...(shrugs)...is having the wool pulled over his eyes. (Smiles.)
I see...
Just like they did with Korea.
What the hell do you know about Korea? I was in Korea. I lost a lot of good friends there.
Daddy, that doesn't have anything to do with what we're saying.
And they weren't brainwashed! They were brave men who weren't afraid to fight for what they believed in. (Gestures.) Now if you're afraid to fight - why don't you just say so?! Why don't you just admit you're chicken?! (Frowns.)
You're damned right! I am chicken. I don't want to die like your friends! What do you think that you achieved over there? Hmm? Do you think that those people are free? They're not free, man. Except to buy Coca-Cola, and...(smirks)...Nestle's Quik. Get loans from Chase-Manhattan National Bank...
That's crap!
You were used, man, and your friends were used.
That's crap!
Daddy, you never listen to what we say! Some of what we say is true!
*
(Karen and Louis have left. Now, Kevin is in bed, awake.)
Who was right, and who was wrong? Well, I'm supposed to be an adult now, and I still can't completely figure that one out. But at some point, late at night, near sleep, the ideas and the disagreements sort of dissolve, and you're just left with the people.
(Fade to later, as Louis pulls up in his VW bus and stops.)
And people were no different then, as they've always been. And always will be.
(Karen opens the door, and the interior light comes on. Louis looks forward as Karen tearfully turns toward him.)
You told me you loved her. You never told me you were sleeping with her.
(Karen frowns and pauses, then gets out. Louis puts the car in gear and drives off.)

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(Ep 8 - "Our Miss White")

I thought you hated plays. (Frowns.) Why do you want to be in a play all of a sudden?
I don't know. No reason.
Kevin? What play is it? (Smiles.)
It's called "The Times, They Are a-Changin'". It's about the civil rights movement and stuff like that.
What the hell ever happened to "My Fair Lady"?
Dad! Theater's supposed to be a form of political expression.
Not when you're twelve.
(Karen rises.)
Don't you understand? I mean a play like this can raise people's consciousness about racial oppression. (Frowns.) Sheesh.


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(Ep 9 - "Christmas")

(Kevin and Wayne's bedroom.)
Nice goin', butthead!
Me?! What did I do?
Nice goin', butt-head!
Oh - well! One minute you're everybody's little Santa, the next minute your Benedict Arnold.
You guys have a lot to learn - don't you know anything about psychology?
This from a woman who read the Cliffsnotes for Khalil Gibran.
I mean, you're backing Dad into a corner. He wants to buy us a TV, but he wants to surprise us. It's complex.

*
Christmas Eve. In homes all over the known universe, an age-old celebration was about to unfold. A time of joy - and harmony. And family.
(Wayne is sitting in front of the TV, wearing a Santa hat. A noisy TV show is on.)
Gee! Would ya look at that car? I wonder what color it is...Oh, wait - there's the ocean! You think it's orange? Nah, it's probably blue. But, how would I know?
Wayne! Turn it down.
That night, all the seams were showing. Only Mom was in there pitching, like a lone fireman at a five-alarm blaze.
Eggnog, anyone! Lydia Herschmuller just called. To remind us about the carolling party tonight. I told her we'd be there with bells on!
Wayne! Turn it down!
You had to wonder - maybe every family was given only so much Christmas cheer to begin with. Maybe this year my family had run out.
Woops! (Points.) That guy's eating a gray banana!
We have to sing "Little Drummer Boy" tonight.
This was pathetic. Someone had to do something.
Hey, you remember the year I played Santa in the school play?
Well, I'd given it my best shot. Nothing.
If we put on sunglasses, we can watch this in black-and-green!
Wayne had finally reached the limit.
(Wayne slides his Santa hat over his eyes, and reaches out his hands. Jack lowers his newspaper slowly in the background.)
I think I'm picking up some color, here! Oh, it's beautiful. It's -
Wayne! Will you just give it up?! We're not getting a TV! Just forget it! Well, I gotta go.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where do you think you're goin'?
I have a date.
On Christmas Eve?
Why not?
What your father means -
It's Christmas Eve - we spend Christmas Eve together! I can say what I mean.
"Jingle all the way..."
I'm goin' out, Dad. (Shrugs.)
Nobody...is going anywhere. We're all staying right...here.
(Karen walks away to her room.)

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(Ep 10 - "Steady As She Goes")

(At dinner.)
Wayne, why don't you get up off your butt and help out a little?
I put away the dishes.
Oh, well, in that case, why don't I feed you some grapes?
Peel them if you would, please.
(Phone rings. Wayne answers.)
Hello?.........Kevin? Kevin who?
Give me it, Wayne.
(On the phone): Oh, you mean little Kevin Arnold? Just one moment, please. (To Kevin, teasingly.) Kevin, it's for you.
Wayne!
(On the phone): Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to ask who's calling. May I ask who's calling? .......Becky Slater? Oh, just one moment - let me see if he'll take your call. (To Kevin) Kevin.
Wayne!
It's your girlfriend. (Smiles.)
Girlfriend?
(On the phone, quietly): Hello? .......Yeah, yeah..........Look, I gotta go. We're eating dinner.........Yes! Bye.
Becky Slater? Is that the Slater family on Elm Street?
Here we go.
(Kevin slaps down some bread.)
Serve up my love life for a little dinner conversation.
(To Jack): Honey, you remember the Slater's? We met them last fall at the PTA fair.
Oh. Tire business, right?
Little Becky Slater, huh? She's a cute one, Kevin. (Smiles.)
Why do mothers always feel at liberty to discuss your love life at the dinner table? Probably the same reason they feel it their business to check the crotch of your pants in the middle of a crowded clothing store and say, "Plenty of room in there!"
Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it, Mom. (Smiles.)
It's no big deal.
Now, Kevin, I wouldn't call going steady "no big deal."
Going steady?
Mom!
Do kids still give each other ID bracelets?
No. No, we don't. Any other questions?
Whatever happened to Winnie Cooper? I thought you were -
Look, I said it was no big deal! She's just a stupid girl that I met at the skating rink. And I didn't even know her. OK?! She's just one of Winnie Cooper's stupid little friends, and I'm gonna break up with her as soon as I get the chance! OK?! Are you all satisfied now?!
(Everyone smiles. Jack looks at Karen.)
Um, would you pass the potatoes, please? (Smiles.)
(Kevin gets up from table and hurries off, bumping Karen's chair.)
Kevin!

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(Ep 12 - "Pottery Will Get You Nowhere")

(Karen pats another of Norma's pottery things on the kitchen table.)
This is nice, Mom.
Yeah? You really think so?
Yeah! Yeah I do. I...I think it's really interesting.
Richard said it has a real feeling of...texturality..(shrugs)...or textuality, or something. (Nods.)
Nhhhnn.
Dad's grunt meant "who is this Richard...and why is he talking to my wife about textuality".
Richard had to teach a blind man, once...how to throw pots...(nods)...so he taught himself how to do it with his eyes closed.
That's really beautiful!
*
(Kevin and Karen are in the kitchen as Norma returns with more pottery.)
Hi, Mom! You made that?!
Uh huh...(Nods.)
That's really nice! I like that!
Mom - that is beautiful. Look at this...
(Karen picks up the vase and looks at it.)
Yeah - that one didn't turn out too bad, did it? (Smiles.)
No - it's really good! (Smiles.)
You know, I didn't follow instructions on this one. Richard told us to keep our eyes closed, and...when he shut his - I peeked. (Smiles.)
You are turning into such a rebel. I mean tomorrow, we're gonna come home and find you burning your bras.
Karen!
You know, Mom, you should make more like this one. I mean, I bet you could sell 'em at the little craft store down by the movie theater.
You really think so?
Yeah!
(Jack enters from outside.)
You get the Pepsi?
Oh - I forgot. (Frowns.)
Great.
Well, I'm sorry. I just forgot.
I know...(Nods.)
I'm sorry...Don't get upset! I'll just go get it now. (Gestures.)
I'm not upset. It's just you said you were going to get the Pepsi. If you knew you were going to forget - I would have gotten it myself. (Shrugs.) I mean, you shouldn't say you're gonna get Pepsi for someone...(nods)...if you're just gonna forget to get it.
Oh, I see. (Nods.) I'm just supposed to know when I'm gonna forget something?
Sure. (Nods.) I knew you were going to forget. (Nods.)
Time to check the score on the old ballgame. There really wasn't much I could add to the conversation.
You know, Dad? Sometimes you can be such a male chauvinist pig.
Karen, on the other hand...somehow knew just the right thing to say.
(Karen and Kevin walk toward the living room.)

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(Ep 13 - "Coda")

(At dinner. Earlier, Norma found out Kevin's piano class is having a recital.)
Are you gonna be playing in it?
Well...
Mom...(frowns)...recitals are for wusses. Of course he's gonna play.
Wayne, there is nothing feminine about playing the piano. (Frowns.) And even if there was...I think it's good that Kevin is in touch with that.
(Kevin sighs and rolls his eyes as Wayne laughs.)
Look. (Gestures.) I'm not going to be playing in the recital, anyway. I already told Mrs. Carples that.
Why not?
Cuz I just don't feel like it. (Shrugs.) Look. I'm not like Ronald Hirschmuller.
Well, that's too bad, because, you know I bumped into Mrs. Carples at the supermarket, too.
Jeez, Mom. Did ya bump into any food?
And she said...that you have real talent.
What?!
She said you didn't practice enough, but that you have real talent.
Jeez - real talent.
And she said it right in front of Mrs. Hirschmuller, too.
A key bit of information. But there was still one thing I wanted to know.
Well...did she say I'm as good as Ronald Hirschmuller?
Well, no...I-I don't think she said that.
Isn't Ronald Hirschmuller like really, really good?
You as good as Ronald Hirschmuller...(points)...fat chance.

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(Ep 14 - "Hiroshima, Mon Frere")

Dad! Mom already gave me permission to do my project in here, and Wayne's starting to -
I don't want to hear it.
(Jack turns to Karen as she enters.)
Karen? You're in charge.
Karen?
Can we rely on you, honey? (Smiles.)
Don't worry, Mom. Now, go on, or you'll miss your movie. (Nods.)
OK...bye-bye...
It came down to this...my last hope for peaceful co-existence lay in the hands of a seventeen-year-old flower-child.
(Karen looks out the window.)
And yet - call it crazy - I felt a sudden rush of faith in my sister.
I'm outta here. You guys are on your own. (Exits.)

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(Ep 15 - "Loosiers")

(Kevin and Paul noisily enter after playing basketball.)
Pipe down - we're watchin' the news.
(On TV): Citizens of Prague who were shocked and stunned by the assault, offered no military resistance to the overwhelming forces. By dawn, the city was under Soviet control. More, after this...
(A commercial comes on.)
Irregularity...
(Jack turns to Karen.)
So...you want to defend your Communists, now?
I happen to be a Socialist.
Oh, Socialist. I see...
Honey, did you say you wanted iced-tea with dinner?
And for your information, that same oppression exists in your own backyard.
Do you see a tank in my backyard? (Gestures.) I don't see a tank in my backyard.
Does anyone not want Brussel sprouts with dinner?
It was funny how those things would go. Dad would argue...Karen would argue...and Mom would get the ulcer.
Oh, Kevin - please refill that ice-tray when you're finished with it.
The news is on, folks...
Talk about Fascism...
Once again, our top story...there is no joy on the streets of Prague, tonight. Soviet forces patrol the city with one purpose in mind - to crush the spirit of the people.

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(Ep 16 - "Walk Out")

Norma, where are my brown socks?
Oh - they're in the dryer. Wayne! Why don't you have a little toast with your jelly?
Oh, that is so gross.
Kevin, eat your eggs.
Mom, the yokes are runny. I can't eat 'em when the yokes are runny.

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(Ep 18 - "Fate")

(Earlier at school, Kevin got into a fight. Now, at dinner.)
Thank God so far no one had even noticed my souvenir.
(Kevin holds his jaw and reaches for his milk.)
With a little luck...
Uh, Kevin? (Frowns.) What's that on your face?
Oh...it, uh, it's nothing.
Looks like a huge hickey.
It's not!
Kevin, what is that? (Frowns.)
Yeah, what the hell is that? (Frowns.)
It-it's...nothing. Really.
Eddie...heh-heh...Pinetti.
Who's Eddie Pinetti?
Wayne!
Well he's this guy...in eigth grade who rips out kids tonsils with his bare hands.
Wayne!
Kevin picked a fight with him.
I did not!
Eh, that's what I heard.
Kevin, he hit you? (Frowns.)
Look, Mom, it's no big deal. (Shrugs.)
Kevin, he hit you?! (Frowns.)
Kids today! They're animals.

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(Ep 19 - "Birthday Boy")

(Kevin's thirteenth birthday party.)
Here.
(Karen taps one of the presents.)
Open mine first.
(Kevin picks up a large colored envelope and opens it.)
A poem.
(Karen snatches it from Kevin and stands up.)
Here. I'll read it out loud. It's called "The Pain of Youth". The pain of youth. All its slings and arrows...Stands breathless, facing time. Edging its way to the rim of the nest. He is pushed, left to fall. Fall. Fall to the earth. And break, writhing in pain.
(A horn sounds outside. Karen looks up.)
Oops! That's my ride - I gotta go. Happy birthday, Kev. (Exits.)


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(Ep 20 - "Brightwing")

(Clip of Timothy Leary speaking to a crowd - "Turn on, tune in, and drop out." Clips of hippies.)
In 1969, a lot of people were doing a lot of things a lot of other people didn't understand. "Love-ins", "be-ins", "happenings"...It was...different. It was weird.
(Arnold kitchen.)
Kevin, call your sister for dinner.
Karen! Dinner!
But where we lived, things were still pretty much normal.
(Karen enters, "hippied" out.)
With one exception. OK - we knew her name was Karen. But other than that...
(Wayne laughs, Jack sighs.)
She might as well been from Mars. Mars, or...Pluto.
A "D" in math?
Mom.
Don't "mom" your mother.
As far as I could tell, her main function in the family was an on-going battle-of-wills with our parents.
You've always been good at math.
There's gonna be plenty of math on the SAT's, believe me.
Dad, geometry has nothing to do with life!
"D" in math...
You're not listening to me!
(Karen stands up walks and away.)
Not that my relationship with her was entirely nil. Pay attention now...
(Karen and Kevin collide near the refrigerator, spilling Kevin's milk.)
(K&K) Watch it!
But it hadn't always been like that.
(Clips of young Karen and Kevin.)
We used to play together. We used to share things. She used to tell me secrets...she made me laugh. We used to have fun. But that was then.
(Cut to Karen's bedroom. Kevin enters. Karen is coloring in a book, on her bed.)
Hey! A little privacy. Do you mind?
Uh...sure!
Karen had her world, and I had mine, and never the twain would meet.
(Cut to Kevin and Paul walking along the sidewalk. Sound of squealing tires as a car approaches and stops.)
Until one day...
Get in!
Us? (Frowns.)
(Karen leans next to Julie and looks at Kevin.)
Get in - we need to talk to you.
What was this? An actual conversation in public? I was suspicious.
(Paul smiles at a girl in the back seat and gets in the car.)
Paul was less so.
I think we should get in! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of the rear tire as the car squeals away. Cut to on the road. As they make a sharp turn, the tires squeal, and the girls hoot. Kevin frowns slightly as he hangs on.)
Well, this was different! Life in the fast-lane.
Boy! Sharp turns, huh? (Smiles.)
So where are we going?
Going crazy - want to come?
We need a favor.
(Karen holds up some papers.)
We need you to drop these off for us at Tina Desario's locker.
At your school? (Frowns.)
First floor, end of the hall...one-oh-seven.
(Kevin frowns and looks at Karen. She raises her eye-brows.)
Will you do it?
Why don't you do it? (Frowns.)
We can't - were not gonna be in school.
We're taking one of our free days.
(She looks at Paul.)
Right? (Smiles.)
Oddly enough...I smelled a rat.
A free day? (Frowns.)
It's kind of an...independent study course. We all take it.
What'd they think I was? A naive little kid?
I don't think I want to do it.
Oh, come on...(Frowns.) Be cool.
Yeah. Come on, Kevin - be cool! (Smiles.)
Uh-oh. A cheap, obvious appeal to my sense of cool.
Well, what if somebody stops me?
They won't. Nobody pays any attention. Look - if it's a teacher...just tell them your getting your books. If it's a student, uh...tell him it's none of his business. (Shrugs.)
I don't know...
(Karen takes her glasses off and leans closer.)
Look, it's just this once. Do it for me. (Smiles.) OK, Kevie?
Whoa - "Kevie". She hadn't called me that in years.
OK...but just this once.
*
(Kevin has done it, and gets back in the car.)
So! Where do we go now?
(Cut to outside RFK as the car screeches to a stop.)
You guys got one minute to get to class!
Not exactly what I had in mind. Still, Karen and I had kinda shared something. And there was no harm done.
(Cut to evening in the living room.)
Where you and Karen go in Julie's car this morning? Hmmm?
Woops. Maybe I spoke too soon.
Not that it's any of my business, of course. I saw you at the bus-stop. So, let's just say I'm...curious.
Leave it to Wayne to ferret out potential mis-doings.
You gave Kevin a ride?
Well, sure!
A ride to where?
To school. Right, Kev?
Uh, yeah! To school.
In...Julie's car?
(Karen and Kevin nod.)
Oh. (Nods.) That was nice of you.
Except...they didn't go right to school. Did ya, guys?
No...(nods)...we didn't, Wayne.
I didn't think so.
See, Julie's car was sputtering - it does that when it's low on gas - but Julie thought that we could make it to a gas-station.
What?!
Really...
But then...we saw Kevin and Paul...so Sandy said, "Let's pick 'em up, in case we have to push".
Help!
And then?
And then...(gestures)...we made it to the gas-station. And there was this really cute guy working the pumps...so we stopped to talk for a while...And then...we dropped Kevin and Paul off at school! Right, Kev?
What was I gonna say? This story wasn't gonna float!
Well...(Frowns.) You were lucky.
Huh?!
You could have been late for school. (Nods.) Both of you!
Mom, they didn't -
Why the hell is Julie drivin' around with no gas. Didn't she ever hear of checkin' the gas gauge?
Dad...(Frowns.)
That funny little dial on the dashboard.
Maybe we should give Karen some money so she can chip in for gas.
Amazing. Karen had pulled it off. She got them thinking like...parents!
Well, I gotta do my homework. (Smiles.)
I was beginning to look at my sister with a new respect.
(Cut to Karen's room as Kevin enters. Karen is sitting cross-legged on her bed, coloring.)
The gas-gauge. That was some story. (Smiles.) I can't believe Mom and Dad bought it.
They never listen. (Frowns.)
Yeah...That was pretty fun today, huh? (Smiles.)
What was fun?
Well, you know, the school and all...(Smiles.) I-I can't believe your lockers are the same size as ours. (Smiles.)
Yep. We were really connecting now...
So, uh...where'd ya go today? Really. (Smiles.)
(Kevin is flipping an album cover.)
Kevin! Be careful with that. (Frowns.)
Sorry!
Don't you have any homework to do? (Frowns.)
Well...
And close the door on your way out. OK? (Frowns.)
OK...(Frowns.)
If that's the way she wanted it. Fine. Anyway, that was the end of my relationship with my sister.
(Sound of tires squealing as Julie's car screeches to a stop.)
Until...
We need another favor.
Come on, man!
Look - it's the last time, I promise.
No way! (Gestures.) I-I-I just did you a favor last week!
It's really important. (Frowns.)
Really...important.
It sounds pretty important to me!
Amazing. Did they think they could turn me on and off like a...like a...
Your gonna get in trouble! Karen - you're ditching school! (Frowns.) Mom and Dad are going to find out...
I guess he's not as cool as we thought. (Nods.)
Fine. I'm not cool.
It's OK. (Frowns.) You don't have to do it. I understand. (Nods.)
Aw, heck. Was I made of stone?
(Kevin sighs and nods.)
Let's go...
*
(Kevin found out he is helping Karen ditch school, and has gone to her hang out - the hill.)
I was mad. This was why I was risking thirteen year old life and limb?
(Kevin approaches Karen painting a boulder, and a guy sitting on it, playing a guitar.)
That's really beautiful, Brightwing.
"Brightwing"?
The rain'll wash it off. And then it'll be perfect.
Gimme a break.
Hey! (Frowns.)
Kevin...(Smiles.)
Look. We've got to talk - about the notes - about everything!
You haven't told anyone, have you? (Frowns.)
No, but...!
I wanted to tell her that this was wrong. That somebody was bound to find out. That she c-
(Karen smiles and hugs him.)
I knew I could trust you!
(Kevin frowns, then smiles and hugs her. Karen lifts Kevin and spins him around, and they laugh. They spin some more, then fall to the ground, laughing.)
I could always tell her tomorrow.
*
And then...the next night...it happened.
Um, Karen? Is something wrong at school?
I don't think so. Why?
How's your math coming?
Fine! (Nods.) I'm doing it now.
Phew - false alarm. Just a homework nudge.
I just got a, uh, call...from a guidance counselor. A George...something.
Did she say "George"?
Do you know him?
Yeah! (Smiles.) Yeah, he's cute. (Nods.) He's young. He looks like a student.
George Finch. He wants me to...come in for a conference, tomorrow.
What kinda conference? (Frowns.)
I'm not sure. He said we'd discuss it tomorrow.
What's this all about?
I have no idea, Dad. Maybe he wants to talk about my future.
(Karen pauses, then looks at Norma.)
Maybe he wants to talk about my life.
(Karen pauses, then frowns heavily at Jack.)
Isn't that what everyone around here likes to talk about? (Frowns.) What's gonna happen to poor Karen?!
(Karen slams down her notepad and walks off.)
Wow! Another great performance. Maybe she could pull it off! Anyway, now was not the time to panic.
I'm comin' with you to that conference. (Nods.)
Now was the time to panic.
(Cut to Karen's room as Kevin quickly enters. Karen is coloring.)
You've gotta tell 'em. (Frowns.) We've gotta tell them, now. And they're gonna find out tomorrow, anyway!
So what?
Did this person have cement in her head?
Well, if we tell them now, they'll understand. They'll ground us for a couple of weeks...(nods)...but you know Mom and Dad...they're -
I hate to burst your bubble, little one...but Mom and Dad are not the sun and the moon.
Huh?
They're people! Like you and me!
Wrongo! They were Mom and Dad.
But -
Kevin, I'm sorry I got you into this. But everything's gonna be OK. Now, will you trust me?
Only if you do something for me.
What?
You've got to promise not to cut school anymore. And you gotta promise to stop going to the hill. (Pause.) Will you do that?
OK. (Nods.)
Really? (Smiles.) You promise?!
No school...no hill. (Smiles.)
And suddenly, it was like a ten-ton weight lifted off me.
Everything is gonna be just fine, Kevie.
Yeah. (Smiles.)
Yeah. (Smiles.)

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(Ep 21 - "Square Dance")

(At dinner.)
I hear you're in love. I hear you really, really, want her. (Smiles.) An hour a day isn't enough, huh?
Shut up, Wayne.
(Karen enters from the livingroom.)
Shut up about what?
Nothing.
Kevin was square dancing in gym today.
Square dancing? (Frowns.) What kinda sport is that? Don't they teach wrestling anymore?
Oh, I don't know, honey. I'm sure it teaches good...eye-foot...coordination.
So, uh...who'd you get as a partner, Kev?
Some girl.
Some girl? Oh, surely you're too modest.
Well? Who was it, Kevin?
(Kevin looks at his food and puts a forkful in his mouth.)
Margaret Farquhar...
I didn't get that. Could you speak up? (Smiles.)
Margaret Farquhar? (Nods.) Trudy Farquhar's sister? She's a little different, isn't she?
Hah-hah-hah. Are you kidding? She's a joke! She's a gleep!
(Wayne laughs, then frowns at Kevin.)
Sorry, Kevin...

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(Ep 22 - "Whose Woods Are These?")

(Kevin, Winnie and Paul are in the basement, figuring out how to save Harper's Woods from being torn down.)
Well we can't just give up. We have to think.
Winnie was right. We had three keen seventh-grade minds. We could lick this!
We'll make a list! OK. Who's first?
(Paul and Kevin look at each other. Cut to Karen's room.)
I'll tell ya what to do.
Well, any port in a storm.
This is a democracy, isn't it? Then exercise your rights!
Good. Good advice.
But how do we do that?
Simple. There's a planning board meeting every Sunday night, downtown. Julie's father's a member. You should go there and state your case! You should demand...to be heard. You should fight...for what's important! You have to take action! Kevin - we are the people!
I think we should do it. (Nods.)
Yeah...
Great! Let's go! (Smiles.) Can you give us a ride?
Not me...I got a date.

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(Ep 24 - "Summer Song")

(Arnold driveway.)
Is that everything?
The traditional Arnold family vacation.
OK! Let's get started!
What I loved about our vacations was that it always seemed to rekindle this wonderful sense of family-togetherness.
Do we have to do this? Dad, I'm seventeen. (Frowns.)
So?
Wayne?
So bourgeois.

*
(On the road.)
Remember how we used to play the alphabet game?
(Everyone frowns.)
Come on! It'll be fun. I'll go first. There's "A", as in Danville..."B", "C"...as in block. Who's next? (Smiles.)
I don't believe this...
*
(A noisy motel parking lot.)
Kind of a castaway's paradise.
Forty-eight bucks for two lousy rooms? What happened to this place?
Two rooms? Who am I staying with?
You ain't staying with me, Karen.
I don't want to stay with you, Wayne!
Good! I hope stay with me.
Dad?
Why don't you go on a peace-march?
I'm not talking to you, Wayne!
Alright, you two, that's enough...
I wish I could find somewhere else, I would be there right now...
*
(At the restaurant.)
The Captain Kidd cod looks kinda fun, honey!
Four bucks? For a piece of fish?!
Um, I think I'll have the Barnacle Bucket.
This place is embarrassing.
Honey!
Well, it is...it's just so -
(Jack pounds the table.)
Will you please just have fun?! (Frowns.) This is costing a damn fortune.
*
(The beach.)
Heck - you don't even know what long is! This is not long! I mean, look at that guy Karen was talkin' to!
Who was Karen talkin' to?
Can we please try to have a good time? Karen's going away to college next year - this is the last time we have to all be together.
Why...are there so many flies here? (Frowns.)
*
(At the restaurant.)
Where you been?
Out.
From now on, I want to know where you go, when you go.
First you tell me thatI have to come on this stupid vacation. (Frowns.) Then you tell me to have fun. I try to have fun - and then you get mad at me all over again. (Frowns.) I hate this! (Exits.)


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(Ep 27 - "Mom Wars")

(In the kitchen after playing football. Kevin has a red stain on his shirt.)
Is that blood on your shirt?
Uh...
Not that I had anything to hide, of course. It's just that, well, you know how moms are.
I don't think so, uh...it's ketchup.
Ketchup?
Yeah.
(Karen enters.)
How'd you get that blood on your shirt?
It's not blood!
Not mine, anyway.
It's ketchup, OK?
Well how'd you get the ketchup on your shirt?
At lunch today. We had fish sticks.
Sure, that's it! Fish sticks.
Well, that's odd.
(Norma points at the school lunch menu on the refrigerator.)
It says here that Tuesday's pizza day at school.
Boy! Nothin' slipped past this woman.
Did I say fish sticks? I'm sorry - fish sticks was yesterday. This is, uh, pizza sauce.
Oh.
There! Neatly done, thereby avoiding any needless discussions about -
(Wayne enters.)
So I heard, uh, Doug Porter got creamed at your football game today, huh?
Football? (Frowns.) Is that tackle football?
Great...now the fat was in the fire. Commence grilling.
Well, Mom, you know...it's not, it's not really tackle.
Who are you playing tackle football with?
Just some friends.
At school?
At the park.
You have a coach?
A coach?
Well, don't you think something like that should be supervised?
Football is totally barbaric.

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(Ep 28 - "On the Spot")

(At dinner. Kevin is going to be in play.)
I think it sounds like fun! I used to love school plays.
What are you playing? A buttercup? Ehh...
"Our Town." That's the one about the girl that falls in love, and then she dies...but she comes back for one last visit to see her family? (Smiles.)
Mom. "Our Town"...is an indictment...of the meaninglessness of bourgeois middle-class existence. (Nods.)
Oh.

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(Ep 30 - "The Family Car")

(In the kitchen after the car "died" on Norma.)
You've been putting so much time and effort into that car...
I'll take a look at it. (Nods.)
It's just that it's...becoming so unreliable, Jack. Especially now that Wayne and Karen are driving...it's getting so much use. Maybe it's time we started looking for a new car.
OK. (Nods.) We'll look.
Yes. (Smiles.)
Yes! (Smiles.)
Cool. (Nods.)
*
(At the car lot.)
I have your ad right here. Says you have something in a basic Falcon wagon.
Right this way.
A Falcon?
Gross.
*
(At the car dealership, the Arnold's are watching Jack and the salesman "deal" in the office.)
What are they saying?
Look! He's smiling, he's actually smiling!
Oh, please - oh, please!
(Jack looks at the the salesman's offer and frowns. The kids sigh and frown.)
Oh!
Alright. Dad always says never take the first offer.
What about a second offer?
*
(A woman looks at the car, then leaves. Kevin and Karen watch.)
Suddenly it was crystal-clear. I was gonna inherit that car. My children were gonna inherit it. The Arnold family heirloom.
He's never gonna sell it.
*
Dad, are you gonna sell the car or not?
Wayne!
Of course I am. It just takes a little time. Matter of fact, I've been thinking - maybe should change the ad in the paper. (Smiles.)
Did he really expect us to buy this?! I mean we'd given Dad every benefit of the doubt. But now this awful feeling was growing in me. Maybe Craig Hobson had been right - maybe the problem really was -
I swear, Dad. Why are you so cheap?
Karen!
Well, Mom, I really think it's about time.
Don't you ever talk like that in this house again!

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(Ep 31 - "The Pimple")

(At dinner, Norma is looking at a letter.)
The Pruitt's. Phil and Claire. They're gonna be in town next week! It's been eight years.
Actually, it had been nine years. I remembered the occasion quite distinctly. It was something I'd just as well have forgotten.
Kevin, you remember little Gina, don't you? (Smiles.)
Not that anyone was gonna let me.
(Wayne rubs his hand through Kevin's hair, and leans closer.)
Gina...Gina...
You two were always so cute together. (Smiles.) You were like twins.
A little more than twins. Weren't ya, Kev?
Come on - we were four years old...(Frowns.)
In broad daylight, one little innocent game of Ben Casey, and I was marked for life.
*
(Kevin has a zit. Now he's in the kitchen as Wayne passes him.)
I couldn't believe it - Wayne missed it! I was in the clear!
(Karen enters.)
Whoa - check out the zit. (Smiles.)
A zit? Well...(smiles)...let's have a look-see, shall we?
As usual, I could count on my family to treat my private adolescent pain with compassion.
Looks pretty deep, Kev. (Smiles.) We might have to...(frowns and gestures)...operate! (Laughs.)
It's from all that junk food you eat. (Frowns.) You should stick to organics...(Nods.)
(Karen, Wayne and Norma chuckle softly.)
Compassion. Sensitivity. And outright snickering. My only hope was my friends would be more forgiving.

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(Ep 33 - "Rock 'n Roll")

Dad? I need a guitar.
(Jack looks at the TV as he takes a bite of food and chews.)
Great. I'd just made an announcement that would shape a generation...and what was I getting?
More potatoes, honey? (Smiles.)
What do you want a guitar for?
Well...I was...thinking about...joining a rock-and-roll band. (Smiles.)

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(Ep 35 - "The Powers That Be")

(Karen is looking at a scarf Albert gave her.)
Grampa, this is really beautiful!
Oh, well I'm glad you like it. It belonged to your grandmother. I didn't know if you kids still wore these things or not.
(Karen ties it around her leg. Albert looks puzzled.)
No, it's perfect!

*
(Everyone is at the dinner table, after Jack and Albert argued earlier.)
Did you, uh...did you put pepper in these spuds?
Oh, Albert! I'm so sorry - I forgot.
Forgot what?
Gas. Pepper gives me gas.
(Wayne laughs, Kevin smacks him.)
Oh, maybe you'd like some corn instead?
No...I think not. Corn sticks in my teeth.
Well I'm going shopping tomorrow - maybe I can pick you up some things.
Don't you be foolish, Norma. You buy everything the same way you always do.
Sure...spend another day cooking a meal he won't eat. (Frowns.)
Grampa, why don't you try some biscuits - they should be easy to digest.
He can't eat biscuits. Right, Dad?
I can't...
Tell 'em why not.
The starch.
Too much starch, Norma. (Frowns.)
Um, Mom, I've got a...date. (Exits)

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(Ep 41 - "Faith")

(Jack has gotten an income tax form.)
So, from the moment the old ten-forty's arrived in the mail, life around the Arnold house...shifted into kind of a state of emergency.
(Karen stands up.)
Here, Daddy. (Gestures.)
(Karen hurries to Jack's chair and holds the back.)
Have a seat.
*
(Norma has lost the tax records. Jack wants to do the taxes. Jack is holding a shrub trimmer he is going to sharpen.)
I was just thinking...why waste a perfectly good Saturday night on paperwork? Why don't we...go out to a movie? It's been ages since we all went out together.
Come on, Dad - I think it'll be fun. (Smiles.)
(Jack frowns and looks off.)
Maybe tomorrow. We're doin' taxes tonight.
(Jack snaps the trimmer closed, and exits. Norma looks after him and frowns.)
It made ya wonder. Do moms ever actually sweat?
(Karen approaches and pause next to Norma, lookng her over.)
Are you OK, Mom?
Oh...(Frowns.) I think I'll take a shower. (Frowns.)
Well - that answered that.
Those poor astronauts. (Frowns.) Their families must be worried sick. (Exits.)
Well, somebody's family, anyway. Still, maybe I was blowin' this all out of proportion. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
He's gonna kill her.
*
(Jack is ready to do taxes.)
I'll get cleaned up, and we'll start.
Uh, Jack? (Frowns.)
Well, the moment of truth had come. Mom was gonna have to come clean. She was gonna have to...
I have an...errand to run in town. (Frowns.) I'll be back in a bit. (Exits.)
Run for her life. It was kinda like watching Custer turn tail at Little Big Horn.
(Karen looks at Jack and frowns.)
I-I gotta go. (Shrugs.)
(Wayne looks at Jack.)
Can I have a ride?

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(Ep 45 - "Daddy's Little Girl")

(Clips of little Karen and Jack.)
From the moment a father first lays eyes on his daughter, she's forever daddy's little girl. And he's forever her hero. A giver of gifts. A granter of wishes. A knight in shining armor. And in return, she gives to him that love and respect which is special between dads and their girls.
(Cut to the kitchen table.)
I can't stand living in this house.
Well, where the hell were you last night?
Look - will you stop giving me the third degree?
Of course, for my sister and my father, that special love and respect took the form of...
I waited up half the night.
Well, you don't have to wait up for me.
Guerrilla warfare.
I left the damn porchlight on until all hours. Do you have any idea how much that costs?
Sorry - take it out of my allowance.
But the week of my sister's birthday, they brought out the heavy artillery.
Your curfew is eleven. You want to be grounded?
I don't believe this - I'm eighteen!
Not until Sunday, you're not!
During that week, Mom was sort of like the UN, trying to mediate the warring factions.
Boysenberry syrup?
And failing miserably.
(Karen looks at Kevin.)
Why is he always on my case?
Well, uh...
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Why can't she ever listen?
Me? I was kinda like...
Uh...
Switzerland.
Can't we just...eat our breakfast in peace?
(Sound of a car horn outside. Karen stands up.)
Now where are you going?
To school...(Exits.)
*
I'm not listenin' to this. No grades...no exams...
Daddy, it's a very good school.
The hell kinda college is that?
But it wasn't that Dad didn't listen. He listened - he just didn't like what he heard.
Will you please tell him this isn't the Stone Age anymore.
What's that supposed to mean?
The thing is, I was beginning to see a pattern. Whenever Karen said one thing...
Well - this is where I'm going. (Smiles.)
Dad said the other.
Not while I'm paying for it. (Frowns.)
And vice versa.
Fine. Then I won't go to college.
Oh, you're goin' alright. (Gestures.) And I'm sendin' you.
State has a lovely campus.
Ahem. Excuse me. (Smiles.)
Armed with my new-found observations about the nature of interpersonal communication, it was time to come to the rescue.
It seems to me that you two should -
Kevin...stay out of this.
OK. Glad I could be of help.
Wait a minute.
At least...as a visual aid.
(Jack grabs Kevin around the shoulder.)
Your brother's goin' to college, your other brother's goin' to college...and you're...(points)...goin' to college.
Thanks.
Hey - I didn't do -
Maybe I'll travel. See the world. Go to the college of life.
Huh - what do you know about life?
I know plenty about life. I'll go to Europe.
And who's gonna pay for that?
In a way, you almost had a feeling they didn't wanna be rescued.
You are so...narrow-minded.
Watch yourself young lady.
*
(Everyone is watching TV in the evening. Jack took the boys out to the driving range earlier.)
Still, it was too bad Karen wasn't Arnold Palmer.
Pass me the popcorn, huh?
Sure, Dad.
Because I hadn't seen Dad this calm in over a week.
I like this show.
Me too.
Me too.
Yep - this was just like old times.
So, Mom? We gonna have a birthday cake for Karen?
A cake? I don't want a cake.
Sure you do.
No really, I don't. I-I don't want a party either.
Oh, honey, it's not exactly...
What are you talkin' about? Sure you do - you like parties.
No, really, Dad, I don't.
Fine. Then we won't have a party. (Frowns.)
Good.
We'll just give you your presents. (Frowns.)
I don't want presents, either. So nobody give me a present, OK?
Golf, anyone?
You're gonna get presents. (Frowns.)
Well, I'm not gonna take 'em! (Frowns.)
(A car horn sounds outside.)
Woops - homework calls...
(Wayne exits. Karen rises.)
I'm going out.
In that?
My clothes are wrong? My friends are wrong?
OK - we were one step shy of Armageddon. This called for a voice of reason. A note of conciliation.
Will you guys knock it off? I'm tryin' to watch TV!
I'm outta here.
Honey?
And you don't have to bother to leave the light on. I'll manage just fine.
*
(Jack's on the couch as Karen enters from the hallway.)
Well, I'm outta here.
Wait a minute. Where're you goin'?
I don't know.
What does that mean?
It means what it means - I'm going out.
You're gonna be home for dinner - we're expecting you. Your mother's makin' a cake.
Well, I already told her not to. (Exits.)
*
(Kevin exits outside with a bag of trash, and sees Karen sitting against the garage door.)
What's that?
What's it look like?
Is that cuz of me?
Kinda.
It figures.
It was the longest conversation we'd had in...oh, about a year!
So...you coming to your party?
I don't know yet.
Well, I mean, Mom's baked a cake...
Who cares about a stupid cake?
OK - so much for helpful advice. I knew when to keep my mouth shut.
Look, Karen...you and Dad really have to have a talk. You know that.
I don't think so.
No, really! You're always mad at him. I mean, do you always have to be so hard on him?
Sorry.
I think you oughtta come to the party.
Why?
Was this chick dense, or what?
Come on, Karen. Can't you just give in this once?
And the funny thing is, right up until the moment I said it...
I mean, it's not like you're gonna be here next year.
I guess I'd never really believed it. Maybe Karen didn't either.
Well, thanks for the insight.
And suddenly...she looked so...lost.
Karen?
I knew she needed answers. About the future. About her life. Unfortunately, I didn't have the answers. Or even the questions.
(Cut to Jack, Kevin, Wayne and Norma seated at the dining room table. Wayne wears a birthday hat.)
That night, dinner lasted about six-and-a-half months.
Can I get anybody some more potatoes?
No, thanks.
Sure!
While Mom tried to fill the empty space with vegetables and starch...the rest of us waited.
(Wayne blows a party favor at Kevin. Jack looks off and frowns.)
For the inevitable explosion.
(Norma is in the kitchen as Karen approaches past her.)
I'm back!
(Jack looks off and frowns as Karen sits down.)
But I can't stay.
(Jack slams his fork down and put his hands together.)
Not even for cake and ice cream, honey? (Smiles.)
Mom...I told you - I don't want a cake.
(Jack clears his throat.)
It's too late...I'm lighting the candles right now. Kevin, honey - get the lights.
Well, the stage was set. Bring on the fireworks.
(Wide shot of the table as Norma approaches with the cake.)
OK - here it comes. Everybody sing...
(Karen rests her head on her hand, looking upset.)
"Happy birthday to you"
(Jack has his arms crossed on the table, looking off silently.)
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Karen"
(Karen leans back as Norma sets the cake in front of her.)
"Happy birthday to you"
There it was. Eighteen years of hopes and memories poured into eighty ounces of egg-whites and sugar and wax. It was enough to melt anybody's heart.
(Karen looks at the cake, uninterestedly.)
Except maybe my sister's.
(Sound of a car horn outside.)
There's my ride.
(Karen stands up.)
I gotta go.
And I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
(Jack stands up.)
Not so fast - you're stayin' here.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. (Nods slightly.)
I'm leaving, Daddy.
And even though I'd been hearing those words for weeks, suddenly I was hearing something new. Or maybe it was as old as children. And parents, and family.
You're not going until you open this.
(Jack reaches down, then puts a large bag on the table.)
What is it?
Open it. (Frowns.)
(Karen opens the bag.)
It's my kit bag. From the Corps.
(Karen looks at it and sits down slowly.)
Uh, I was gonna get you a...you know...(nods)...a new one. But I thought you'd like this one better. It's, uh, for college. Or if you go someplace. Either way, you gotta have somethin' to put your clothes in, and, uh...this one got me through a lot of rough times. (Nods.)
I love it. (Smiles.)
(She pulls out a pair of dog-tags.)
These too?
Uh...those are mine.
(Jack holds out his hand. Karen puts the dog-tags in his hand. Jack holds her hand. Karen looks at Jack and smiles slightly.)
Thanks, Dad.
(Jack hesitates, then nods slightly. Car horn sounds again. Karen rises slowly, and glances around tearfully.)
I've got to go.
Then go.
(Karen blows out the candles on her cake.)
Hey, d'you make a wish?
Yeah. (Exits.)

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(Ep 47 - "Growing Up")

(Jack enters the kitchen after test-driving with Wayne).
Honey?
I don't want to talk about it...
(Norma hands Jack a drink as he keeps walking. Karen is thumbing though a college catalog.)
Hey, Dad?
I don't want to hear about it...
(Wayne enters, looking down.)
What happened?
Beats me.
This much was clear. My family wasn't getting along.
(Karen and Wayne bump each other at an open cabinet.)
Watch it!
You watch it!
Mom!
She's hogging the chips!
I'm not hogging them.
Even for us.
Mom - I didn't even --
*
Well, I've finished choosing my courses for the fall semester.
Oh, that's wonderful, honey! What are you taking?
Afro-American History, Hindu Philosophy...Navajo Arts, Sexual Politics...and English 101.
Huh?
Jack. (Sighs.)
I'm not payin' for that.
You already did, Dad. (Smiles.)
*
Whatever it was, suddenly everyone in my family seemed to be in everyone else's way. And vice-versa.
Do we have to watch this?
Why? What's wrong with this?
I hate it.
(Angela is eating potato chips.)
I like it.
(Karen glances at Angela, and switches off the TV with the remote.)
*
I've been thinking. We should get away! (Gestures.)
(All): Huh?
What?
All of us! (Gestures.) We should...do something together. (Gestures.)
The mind shrank at the possibilities.
Monday's Labor Day. We should go to your office picnic.
Huh?
We haven't been in such a long time. We used to have such a good time there. Remember? (Smiles.)
Mom! I'm leaving for college on Tuesday.
Uh...yeah, I've got a date. (Gestures.)
*
(In the car on the way to the picnic.)
You know, honey, I am really looking forward to this. It's been years since I've seen the old gang. (Smiles.)
Like who?
Well, like...Charlie Wilson, from accounting. You think he's gonna be there?
He retired.
What about Al Pinella...he had that lovely wife, Nancy.
Sacked.
Ed Berwitz?
Dead.
And that about covered the full range of possibilities.
Detweiler'll be there, though.
(Karen looks up from her book "The Harrad Experiment".)
Harry Detweiler? (Smiles.)
Harry Detweiler - the office clown. Big on palm-buzzers and whoopie-cushions. The one Dad had always referred to as -
Mr. Deadwood, huh, Dad? (Smiles.)
Kevin, that's not very nice.
Does he still have that stupid laugh?
Kinda.
*
(Clips of past company picnics.)
There's nothin' quite as American as an office picnic. Mountains of hotdogs, buckets of soft-drinks, a chance for kids to hang out with the big guys. It makes you proud to have a family - proud to have a dad. It makes you never want to leave.
(Cut to present picnic. Flies are buzzing around the Arnold's, and Wayne's girlfiend Angela.)
Can we go home now?
Honey - you haven't really given it a chance.
Well it's crowded, it's noisy...I hate it.
Well...seeya later, suckers.
Where're you goin'? For a drive.
Hnnn...
Uh...for a walk?
(Wayne taps Angela, who is stuffing food in her face.)
Come on.
Uh-uh-uh.
Yeah, come on.
Somehow Mom's plan to reunite the Arnold clan wasn't exactly comin' off in a blaze of family harmony.
Hey, Arnold? You gonna play in the softball game this afternoon?
Oh, yeah! Come on, Dad - lets's play?
(Jack waves to his buddy.)
OK!
This'll be great! Maybe we'll even be on the same team.
I could see us now, side-by-side on the infield...Tinker to Arnold to -
What are you talkin' about? You'd get killed out there.
Yeah, but Dad -
Maybe next time, huh? (Exits.)
Picnics are for fascists.
*
(In the Arnold driveway.)
Ready?
(Karen approaches Wayne and Kevin. She hugs Kevin and lifts him up.)
Bye, Karen.
Bye kid. I'll miss you.
(Karen moves over and hugs Wayne. Jack watches, smiling. Norma comes out the front door, carrying Karen's empty duffle-bag, as Karen is walking toward the car.)
Karen? Honey?
(Karen takes the duffle bag.)
Thanks.
(She puts in the front seat. Karen and Norma hug.)
I love you, Mom.
OK. Come on.
(Karen gets in the car. She leans out the window, smiles, and blows kisses as Jack backs out of the driveway. Norma, Wayne and Kevin walk out to the street. Norma waves. Jack drives off. Norma, Wayne and Kevin wave. Kevin smiles.)

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(Ep 53 - "The Ties That Bind")

By nineteen-seventy...my parents had elevated "providing" into something close to an art-form.
Guess we dip into the Christmas club again.
Dad was the maestro of payment plans. Mom was a virtuoso with vegetables.
Broccoli.
You had to hand it to 'em...they were good at what they did. Of course, it was all for a good reason.
Hey!
Their three beautiful children.
Are we going to eat here, or what?
With all the rights and privileges therof. Not that we took the folks for granted. It's just with Thanksgiving coming...we had certain...needs.
Daddy? When I go back from break, I-I'm gonna need money for a few things. OK?
Like what?
Some books...(nods)...some art supplies...(nods). A yoga mat.
A yoga...mat?
What the hell d'ya need a yoga mat for?
Yoga. (Smiles.)
And no matter how ridiculous those needs were...we knew somehow they'd come through for us.
We'll work it out, honey.
Thanks.
*
(Jack is dressed up in preparation for asking for a raise at work.)
After all, Dad was the great provider.
Whoa! Check it out!
Fully supported by his providees.

*
You got the raise!
Not just a raise. You're looking at the new regional manager of product support services.
Not that we had a clue as to what that meant.
Right on, Dad!
But it had an impressive ring to it.
*
So, uh...that's it, then, huh? OK, you kids, you better take care of your mother now, huh?
Goodbye, Dad.
(To Norma.)
Oh, yeah...why don't you go ahead and buy that new stove.
(To Kevin.)
Take care huh?
Bye, Dad.
Bye, Dad.
Bye.
*
(Norma admires the new stove.)
Isn't it beautiful?!
Really nice, Mom.
And it was. As far as stoves go.
*
(The Thanksgiving food has been put on the table.)
Well - that's everything.
It was enough to feed a small army.
Turkey looks great, Mom! (Smiles.)

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(Ep 64 - "Separate Rooms)

(At diner.)
More potatoes, honey? (Smiles.)
(Karen puts a forkful of corn in her mouth.)
Hnnnn.
(Karen puts another forkful of corn in her mouth.)
Thanks, Mom.
(Karen lifts her plate as Norma spoons some potatoes onto it.)
My sister, Karen, was home from college. Which could only mean one of three things.
So...how's school?
Great, Dad. (Nods.)
Grades? (Gestures.)
(Karen looks up, then down, as she gestures with her fork.)
OK, I think.
Leaving only...
Money?
Well, that's what I want to talk to you about.
Here it came...the mid-semester bite. The freshman pinch.
How much?
Nothing. (Smiles.) I got a job.
(Wayne chokes on his milk.)
A job? (Frowns.)
You're kidding.
Job? (Nods.)
Yes, Dad - a job.
Well, that's nice, honey. (Smiles.) What kind of a job?
At the co-op. On campus for the summertime.
(She puts a forkful of green beans in her mouth.)
But I thought you were...coming home this summer.
(Karen looks off slightly.)
Nope.
(She shakes her head and smiles briefly, then looks at Jack.)
I'm gonna be living up there. (Nods.)
*

(Jack and Norma are arguing with Karen as Kevin and Wayne wait outside.)
I'm gonna get some soda - ya want some?
(They turn toward the house, then pause as Karen backs out of the doorway, turns and looks down.)
Ah, no...
(Karen leans back against the house with her arms crossed. She looks toward the boys.)
It was pretty clear what had happened.
(She sighs slightly.)
Well, guys...I'm outta here. (Shrugs.) Looks like the room is yours. (Exits.)


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(Ep 67 - "The House That Jack Built")

(Karen takes some dishes from the cabinet as Norma is making some lemonade.)
Honey? Is there something I can help you with?
Huh? Oh - no, no. I just wanted to borrow these. Do you mind?
Well, I suppose not.
Thanks, Mom.
Except...why do you need plates?
For my new place.
New place? I thought you were living in the dorm this summer. (Frowns.)
I was...I mean, I was going to, but then I found this house off-campus - so I'm going to be living there instead.
You? In a house.
That's what I said.
Bear in mind, this from a girl who once swore all she needed in life...was a knapsack and a bowl of brown rice.
What do you need a house for? (Frowns.)
Well, I mean, it's roomier, and it's...closer to work. It's what I'm going to do.
(Jack enters from the livingroom.)
What are you goin' to do?
Jack? Karen's thinking of moving into a house.
She's not moving into any house.
Why not, Daddy?
Now, obviously, my father had his carefully-considered reasons.
Because you're not moving into any house!
Look, Daddy - I've already made plans. (Gestures.) And the dorms are really crowded...and...
But it was clear nothin' was gonna budge the big guy on this one.
(Jack shakes his head slightly.)
Until...
(Karen looks off.)
It was gonna be a lot cheaper than the dorm.
(Sound of a cash register as Jack looks toward Karen and raises his eyebrows.)
Cheaper?
Karen evoked my father's fourth commandment. "Thou shalt save money on rent".
(Jack looks off and puckers his lips.)
Sounds good to me. (Nods.)
And with that...the issue was settled - for Dad, anyway. For the rest of us, there were still some questions.
How can a whole house be cheaper than living in a dorm?
Simple - I got a roommate.
And, that explained it. Kinda.
(Cut to the dinner table. Norma approaches and sets a bowl of salad down.)
So, have we met this roommate yet, honey?
For my mother, the issue didn't seem to be quite so open-and-shut.
No, Mom - I don't think so.
But you two...get along together well?
Oh, yeah. We're fine. (Smiles.)
And this house...what's it like? (Smiles.)
In fact, for some reason...Mom had a hold of this house thing like a dog with a bone.
I don't know, it's um...(shrugs)...just a big old house...(gestures)...it's roomy, lots of windows...it's a nice place.
Well, maybe we should...drive up and see it.
All of us? (Frowns.)
Come on, Mom. (Frowns.) We don't need to go up there.
Yeah, Mom. Besides...the house still needs a lot of work, and...that's why we're getting such a good deal. Maybe you should wait a few weeks.
Well, if you think so.
And once again, the issue was settled.
(Jack drops his fork onto his plate, and pauses. Kevin looks at Jack as Wayne pauses in mid-mouthful. Jack wipes his mouth with a napkin slowly, puts his napkin in his lap, and looks at Karen.)
Needs a little fix-up, hah?
Oh, no.
Daddy...(smiles)...it's being handled.
Yeah...but someone's gotta make sure it's done right.
(Jack looks at Norma.)
Maybe we should drive up - take a look, huh? (Nods.) Right, Kev?
Me?! (Frowns.)
(Wayne looks at Kevin and smiles. Kevin gestures toward him.)
Why can't he help? (Frowns.)
Looks like you're Daddy's little helper. (Smiles.) Sucker. (Frowns.)
So, how about next Saturday?
(Karen looks uncomfortable, then smiles and sighs heavily.)
Sure. Next Saturday's OK.
And at long last, the issue was put to rest for good.
*
(The Arnold's arrive at Karen house. Karen steps out the front door in the distance.)
Hi! You're early!
(Cut to inside the house. Karen faces the front door as it opens creakily. Kevin, Norma and Jack enter, and look at the door as Jack closes it. Karen smiles.)
I told you it still needs some work, but the landlord's giving us a real deal if we do some of the repairs.
(Norma smiles and nods slightly as she looks around. She takes a small step forward, and Jack holds her sleeve, then walks slowly ahead of her.)
You just gotta have a little vision. (Smiles.)
Uh-huh. We had vision, alright. While Mom was envisioning walls festering with cockroaches and rats...
It's...nice honey!
I was envisioning sweat...splinters...and hard labor. Whereas Dad saw something we didn't.
Lotta work in this place. (Nods.)
Pure opportunity.
OK. Kev...(gestures)...where do we want to start? (Smiles.)
Uh, actually, Daddy...(gestures)...lunch is almost ready.
Well, in that case - where's the john?
(Karen gestures, and Jack walks off.)
Well, at least the condemned man was gonna get a final meal.
(Cut to the kitchen. Kevin is sitting at the table, and Norma stands at a counter as Karen approaches, holding out a tray of white vegetable.)
You guys like hikama?
If you could call it that.
Let's...(gestures)...try it and see. (Smiles.) Where did you learn to cook like this, honey? (Smiles.)
Oh, I don't know...just something I picked up along the way, I guess. (Smiles.)
Still, you had to hand it to Karen. In her own kitchen...she actually seemed...at home. So maybe there was more to her new life than we'd been giving her credit for.
Hi.
(All three look toward the door. A young man enters, holding two brown shopping bags.)
Sorry I took so long. (Smiles.)
Hi!
Hi...
Hello. (Smiles slightly.)
I, uh...brought the groceries. (Smiles.)
Good, good.
(Karen points, and looks worriedly at the man.)
You can just put them down here, OK?
Right. Gotcha.
(He sets the bags down, then looks at Kevin.)
Hi. (Smiles.)
Hi. (Frowns.)
Hnnn. Friendly deliver-people in these parts.
Well, thanks. (Smiles.)
Oh, no problem. (Shrugs.)
Now, something wasn't quite right, here. I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Karen?
Hnh...
Maybe Mom couldn't, either.
(Norma looks at the man and smiles.)
Aren't you going to tip him?
(Karen looks at Norma, then turns toward the man. He smiles and gestures.)
Nah - this one's on the house. (Nods.)
(The man smiles and nods slightly, then pauses.)
Well. (Nods.) Bye.
Bye...
(The man turns and walks to the door.)
So, maybe it was nothing. Or maybe not.
(Norma looks past Karen toward the door. Cut to the dining room. Norma and Kevin are seated as Jack approaches.)
OK, everybody.
(Jack smiles as he sits down. He leans toward a big bowl on the table and sniffs. He pauses, and looks toward Karen.)
What's that smell?
Stir-fried vegetables, sauteed bean-curd...
(Karen sits down.)
And hikama salad on the side.
Well...it looks wonderful, honey. (Smiles.) Right, Kevin?
(Kevin is looking at a white glob on his spoon.)
Uh...
(Kevin looks up quickly and smiles.)
Yeah! (Shrugs.) Wonderful. (Smiles.)
Hey, what could be better? A hearty meal with the family...a new hearth and home...backbreaking projects ahead...
Lotsa work to do.
So it's a good thing we came up, right? (Smiles.)
No kidding. Place needs a man's help. (Smiles.)
(The young man enters the door behind Karen and pauses.)
Hi. (Smiles.)
(Jack glances at him, then looks at him with surprise. Karen turns over her shoulder.)
Hi.
Can I come in? (Gestures.)
Sure.
(The man approaches the chair next to Karen. Kevin frowns slightly. Jack looks at the man as he sits down next to him.)
Hi. (Nods.)
Hi.
What...
(The man serves himself some food.)
Did the guy change his mind about the tip?
(Jack holds a serving spoon of bean-curd, and frowns at the man.)
I...
(Karen glances off.)
Uh...
Seemed pretty clear...
(Jack holds the serving spoon of bean-curd, and frowns at the man.)
An explanation was in order.
And who are you? (Frowns.)
I live here.
(Jack frowns at the man and tosses the spoon down. Karen looks down, then toward Jack.)
Uh...everybody...
(Karen looks down, then looks up and smiles.)
This is Michael.
And, with those polite formalities out of the way...we sat down to break bread.
What do you mean you live here? (Frowns.)
(Jack frowns at Karen.)
What does he mean...(gestures)...he lives here?
You didn't tell 'em, yet.
W-well, I-I didn't quite get around to it yet.
Tell us what?! (Frowns.)
Mom...Dad...you know I-I told you that I was gonna be sharing a house with somebody...(Nods.)
(Jack frowns at Michael, unmoving. Michael gestures.)
Nice to meet you. (Nods.)
Somehow I guess I'd envisioned Karen's roommate a little less...male.
You know, um...Michael's a carpenter...and he's...gonna be renovating the house.
Yeah. You can probably tell..it needs some pretty serious work. (Laughs.)
(Jack holds his fist in front of him, and pursing his lips, looking off.)
Like I said, the landlord's giving us a huge break...on the rent.
But I had a hunch rent was no longer foremost on Dad's mind.
You know, Daddy, maybe...Michael can help help you out. (Shrugs.) Or...(frowns)...you could help him out.
Yeah. Yeah! (Gestures.) I got a lot of work to do upstairs. (Gestures.)
(Jack holds his fist in front of him, looking off.)
And we were thinking of renting out three of the bedrooms.
This place has five bedrooms?
Uh, actually...(gestures)...it only has four.
Let's see here. A little quick math...four minus three equals...
(Kevin looks toward Michael.)
Where do you sleep? (Gestures.)
Believe it or not...at the time...it was an innocent question.
(Sound of a locomotive as the camera rolls slowly up to Jack, who is frowning. Jack bangs the table, scattering silverware onto the floor, then stands up.)
We braced ourselves for the inevitable. My father was gonna make mince-meat of this guy. Tear him limb from limb.
(Jack puts his fork on his plate.)
I'm gonna take a walk.
Or, he was gonna take a walk.
Jack...
(Jack holds his hand up as he exits.)
I knew this was a bad idea.
(Karen rises and exits in the opposite direction. Michael rubs his head, then starts to rise.)
Michael! (Rises.) Excuse me.
(Norma exits toward Karen.)
I don't want to talk about this.
Well, it's not that easy, Karen. We're going to talk about it.
Yeah. Like Dad really wants to...
This isn't going well, is it?
Karen, he loves you.
Well, he's got a funny way of showing it!
Well, what did you expect?!
I don't think so.
Um, maybe we should go outside.
Uh...sure.
(They stand and exit.)
What's wrong with it?!
I'll tell you. You are not married...
*
(Kevin and Michael have returned after going out for a hamburger. Jack is still on his walk. Kevin sees Karen and Michael on the porch.)
I missed you.
I missed you, too. How's your Dad?
That afternoon I realized something.
(Karen and Michael hold each other.)
I knew he'd act this way.
It's OK, Karen.
About my sister.
We'll get through it.
About being young.
(Michael kisses her forehead. They wrap their arms around each other and hold each other closely.)
About being in love. About things that should be simple. And somehow never are.
(Jack approaches in the background and pauses with his hands in his pockets. Michael pulls back slightly, and Karen looks over her shoulder. The camera pans with Michael as he takes a few steps forward, to include Jack in the background.)
Look, Mr. Arnold, I know we -
(Jack gestures. Karen joins Michael. Jack looks down and hesitates, then looks up.)
I, uh...took a walk - did some thinking. I asked myself if, uh...maybe I'm the one who's wrong, here. But I just keep coming back to the same answer. I can't allow this, Karen.
What do you want me to say to that, Daddy? You want me to move back into the dorm?
As a matter of fact, I do. (Nods.)
No.
Your mother, and I...didn't raise you to live this way!
What? (Frowns.) You mean you didn't raise me to fall in love? You mean you didn't raise me to want to share my life...(gestures)...with a loving man? (Frowns.)
You know damn-well what I mean! (Frowns.)
Daddy! These aren't the Dark Ages. Times have changed...things have changed.
(Jack violently makes a fist.)
I haven't changed!!
You never listen, Daddy.
I'm not listening to this. You're moving out of here.
Look, maybe you're being a little hard on her. (Gestures.)
This is between my daughter and me. (Frowns.)
May be, sir, but...it's also between your daughter and me.
(Jack looks at Michael.)
We're going. Kevin...(gestures)...get my toolbox.
Daddy...
(Jack raises his hand.)
I'm not staying here.
(Jack turns to leave and walks toward the sidewalk. Karen hurries down the steps after him.)
You were the ones who wanted to come see how I'm living! Well, this is how I'm living!
I don't have to take that!
Fine, Daddy, dont take it - but this is how it is!
I raised you with values. I raised you have better values than this!
I don't need your values!

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(Ep 77 - "Dinner Out")

(Karen and Norma are at a flower planter in Karen's front yard.)
I don't wanna talk about it. OK?
Ah, well...like dad, like...daughter.
Honey, he is your father.
Mom? Did you really come all the way up here to tell me that?
No. I came to bring you groceries.
Every two weeks...my mother would invent some subterfuge to sneak behind enemy lines and attempt to re-establish communications.
We do have stores around here, you know. (Nods.)
With...varying success.
*
(Kevin and Michael are unloading the groceries.)
Thing is...even though I was supposed to hate the guy...I didn't. Not that that was the problem.
(Cut to Karen's kitchen.)
Well, we live together, we sleep together...we are together.
That was the problem.
We know that, honey.
See, maybe you know that, but Dad doesn't know that.
Well, you just have to give him some time.
I mean he...he's stubborn...he's pig-headed...Isn't he, Kevin?
Uh...
Now, don't talk about your father like that.
(Michael looks at Norma, then Karen.)
Ah, so, uh...
(Michael looks off and pauses, then looks at Kevin.)
Who do you think's gonna be in the superbowl this year? (Smiles.)
I guess life here was about the same...
(Kevin lifts a bag off the table.)
As at our house.
Never mind.
(Michael kneels at the bag on the floor next to the refrigerator.)
Karen you're not being fair. Just...(gestures)...come talk to him.
Mom, I'd love to.
Well, good, then. (Smiles.)
(Karen pulls Michael up by his arm.)
But not without Michael.
And we were back where we started.
You know...maybe it wouldn't hurt...for you to, ya know, sit down, together. (Frowns.) I mean, he's your father, right? And, he's paying for all the groceries. Right?
(Karen is silent. Kevin looks forward and sighs slightly. Michael looks off, squinting slightly, then looks at Karen.)
I think there's another bag in the car. (Nods.)
(Michael looks at Kevin.)
Right?
Right. (Nods.)
(Michael exits.)
And there ya had it.
Honey...
Eh, there's nothing more to talk about. (Gestures.)
*
(The Arnold's are outside the Briarcliff Lodge, where Jack has agreed to have a birthday dinner with Karen and Michael. They head for the entrance.)
Yep. All that remained was awaiting the arrival of loved-ones and friends.
(The group pauses at the sound of a motorcycle, and they look over their shoulders as Michael and Karen pull up.)
Or, the Hell's Angels. Which ever came first.
Hi. Sorry we're late.
(Jack and Norma look at them.)
They couldn't come in a car?
They don't have a car. (Frowns.)
(Karen and Michael approach.)
Hi, Dad.
(Jack growls.)
Hey, Mr. Arnold.
(Jack holds his hands together as Michael holds his out toward him. Michael pauses, then Norma shakes his hand.)
Hi, Michael. (Smiles.)




*
(Kevin has tipped the maitre d' a dollar to get a good table. It is small, with wooden chairs.)
Well...(nods)...this is...(gestures)...nice.
Yeah.
Yeah...
So, where do we sit?
Well, let me see, uh...(frowns)...how about...(shrugs)...boy-girl, boy-girl? (Smiles.)

*
(The waitress approaches.)
Can I get you folks a drink?
Uh, yeah! I'll have a double scotch-rocks, with a twist. (Nods.)
(Jack frowns slightly. The waitress frowns at Wayne. Wayne looks toward Jack points.)
For him. (Smiles.) Natch.
Oh...(Nods.)
If we could just see the menus, please.
Oh, our special tonight is a sixteen-ounce prime rib. (Smiles.)
Prime rib, huh?
Alright - this was the ticket. Mellow the guy out with a good old fashioned hunk o'...
Dead cow. (Frowns.)
Uh, Karen...
Well, that's what prime rib is, isn't it? Cow flesh?
(Karen frowns at the waitress.)
How many innocent beasts had to be slaughtered so we could have this meal?
I don't know, honey...(nods)...I just work here. I'll be back to take your orders. (Exits.)
Who chose this place, anyway?
Dad did. (Points.)
*
(Jack is opening presents - a colorful tie from Wayne, and a photo album from Norma. Everyone is feeling good.)
Here. Open mine next, Daddy.
(She hands a red-wrapped present to Jack.)
Oh...
(Jack flips a small latch and opens it.)
A ratchet set! (Smiles.) I could really use this.
I'm glad. (Smiles.)
Thank you!
(Karen reaches across the table and puts her hand on Michael's.)
It was Michael's idea. (Smiles.)
Guess you say it was kind of the high point of the evening.
(Jack flips the lid closed.)
Thanks.
(Jack frowns and rubs his ear.)
Well, gee, Dad - don't get all choked up about it. (Frowns.)
I said "thank you".
Did you see what he just did? (Gestures.) Mom, did you just see?
Honey...(Frowns.)
Come on, Karen, give the guy a break - it's his birthday.
Hey, when I need your help, I'll ask for it.
Look, I was just trying to ease the -
You've done enough, dammit. (Frowns.)
(Karen stands up.)
That's it.
(She tosses her napkin down.)
I'm leaving.
Karen!
You know...I-I don't know why I thought tonight would be any different. (Frowns.) Come on, Michael - we're out of here.
*
(Later that night in the Arnold kitchen. Sound of knocking. Jack opens the kitchen door. Karen looks in. Kevin watches from the dining room doorway.)
Hi.
(Jack sighs.)
Daddy, can we talk?
I think I'd like that. You comin' in?
I-I can't stay.
I know.
Not for long, anyway.
(Karen steps inside, looking down. They look at each other and smile slightly.)
I know.
Only, where to begin. (Smiles.)
I couldn't hear exactly what they said. But watching them...I finally knew what my father needed for his birthday. Not a funny tie, or a forty-seven dollar meal...or even a ratchet set. What he needed was...
Happy birthday.
(They hug.)
Was to know, deep down...that she remembered what he remembered. And to feel...even for that briefest moment...like king for a day.

See also "Full Transcript"



(Ep 90 - "Stormy Weather")

(Karen rings the doorbell in the middle of a rainy night.)
Honey? (Frowns.)
Hi.
What time is it?
Karen, are you alright? (Frowns.)
I'm fine, Mom. Can I come in?
(Norma and Jack step back as Norma gestures, and Karen enters.)
Of course...
Thanks...
Like I said...we weren't exactly strangers to midnight crises.
Honey, you're soaked...
Yeah. I know, Mom.
How did you get here?
Uh, my friend Robin gave me a ride. Do you have any tea? (Frowns.)
Oh, yeah...(Frowns.)
*
(In the kitchen.)
Karen, what happened?
Nothing happened. Mom? Do we have any herbal?
Here, honey - I'll get it. It's up here.
(Norma open the highest small cupboard and removes a box.)
Thanks.
Well, somethin' must have happened...it's...two o'clock in the morning. (Gestures.)
Did you and Michael have a fight?
Something like that.
A fight - what kind of fight? (Frowns.)
Daddy, I really don't want to talk about it, OK?
(Wayne enters.)
Do we have any pretzels?
Wait a minute. What do you mean, you don't want to talk about it? You show up soakin' wet, freezing, in the middle of the night...
Jack...she's upset. (Frowns.)
Thats right. I'm going to bed.
What bed?
What bed?
The one in my room...(gestures)...of course. (Exits.)
She's taking my room! (Gestures.) Mom...
Honey...
(Norma walks toward the living room.)
Don't worry, you can sleep in Kevin's room.
(Kevin and Wayne follow after Norma.)
Mom! Wait!
(Cut to the livingroom as they walks toward Karen's room.)
And there ya had it.
Mom!
Can't she sleep in the garage?
(Norma looks over her shoulder as they walk forward.)
No.
In one burst of confusion...Karen had blown back into our house...and completely rearranged our lives.
(Everyone stands in Karen's doorway.)
At least let me get you an extra blanket, honey. (Frowns.)
No, Mom...I'll - I'll be fine.
Karen! (Frowns.)
Look...(frowns)...I'm tired, and I'm wet, and I don't want to talk about it anymore...(Nods.) OK?
The weird thing was...
(Karen smiles tightly as she closes the door.)
Goodnight.
None of us had any idea why.
*
(Morning in the kitchen.)
Morning!
(Norma turns toward her.)
Good morning, honey. How'd ya sleep?
Great.
So, Karen...what happened last night?
Michael and I got into an argument.
And?
D'you guys have any orange juice? (Frowns.)
Karen...(Frowns.)
Look - It's really very simple...I just decided things weren't working between me and Michael. So, I'm moving out.
Now, considering Karen had been shacking up with the guy for a year...this was no small news.
Honey...does this mean you're gonna be moving back into the college dorms? (Frowns.)
Not exactly. (Frowns.) As a matter of fact...(gestures)...I was thinking of moving back here. (Nods.)
(K & W): What?!
I'm goin' out to the garage. (Exits.)
*
(Jack joins Karen in the garage. Kevin and Wayne watch from the window in the door. Karen is rummaging in boxes.
Ahem. Karen? (Smiles.) What are you doin'?
Did you guys throw out my Jefferson Airplane poster?
I'm not sure.
I just wanted to hang it back on my wall.
Yeah, well, about that, Karen...you know everybody has fights. That happens to everybody. (Smiles.)
Yeah. Michael is the most chauvinistic, pig-headed...closed-minded man I've ever met. (Frowns.)
Uh-huh. We were off to a great start.
Listen, Karen...I know you're upset and everything, but...are you sure you want to come back here? (Gestures.)
Why, is that a problem?
Uh, no! No, it's just...what about college? (Gestures.) I mean, you got your classes, and...
Daddy, don't worry about that...(gestures)...I'll figure it out. I mean, right now, I just wanna, you know, take some time...(gestures)...think things over...take the summer to get things straight, OK?
Well, that...(nods)...sounds reasonable. (Smiles.)
Translation...Wayne and I were condemned to one room.
Look, Dad...the last thing...(gestures)...I wanted to do is drag you in the middle of this thing between me and Michael.
Well...that's OK.
So, I was wondering...could you go up there and get my stuff? (Shrugs.)
(Sound of a penalty buzzer.)
And suddenly...the plot began to thicken.
*
(Jack, Wayne and Kevin have just returned from getting Karen's things from Michael's house. Kevin enters the kitchen carrying a box. Karen is setting the table.)
Hi, Mom!
Hi, honey! Just in time to eat.
Two hours later we were home with the goods.
Did you get all my things?
Yeah, I think we got everything.
Yep. Books, records...underwear...
(Norma looks toward the window, then at Jack, slightly puzzled. Karen frowns slightly at Jack.)
Plus a few things...
(Jack and Kevin look at each other uneasily.)
That maybe weren't on the list.
(Michael enters and pauses. Karen frowns and looks down.)
Hi.
(Karen looks at Michael, then at Jack. Jack frowns and looks down. Karen looks off, drops some silverware into the drawer next to her, and looks at Jack.)
I don't believe you. (Exits.)
*
(Later at dinner. Karen approaches from outside.)
And it was time for another lovebird serenade.
Hi.
Hi. Look, Karen...why don't we take a walk and talk this over?
There's nothing to talk about.
What does that mean? (Frowns.)
Michael...(Frowns.)
Karen...all I did...(frowns)...was ask you to marry me.
(Norma is looking down, then looks at Michael, slightly surprised.)
Woops.
I beg your pardon?
Norma, I was gonna...
Fine, Michael. You want to talk about it? (Frowns.) Let's talk about it. Marriage is an antiquated, male-centered institution. And...(frowns)...I don't believe in it!
Institution? (Frowns.) Karen, this is you and me! Not some...(shrugs)...building.
Fine. You can make a joke of it.
Karen - I am not joking.
Yes, you are, Michael.
Wait. (Gestures.) Please.
But if Mom meant to untie the tangle, here...
(Norma lifts a bowl of mashed potatoes.)
It seems to me...
Look. It's really very simple...I don't want to spend the rest of my life making meatloaf...(gestures)...and mashed potatoes.
The tangle got worse.
Karen, why do you always have to be like this? (Frowns.)
See? You're already trying to change me!
I am not!
Michael? I want you to leave. Now.
*
(Michael has returned in the middle of the night, and drops a rolled up tent onto the front lawn. The Arnold's are watching from the windows.)
It was kinda like watching the Marines land at Omaha beach.
What's this all about?
How should I know?
He's pitchin' that damn tent.
(Karen knocks on the glass.)
Michael? Michael. Have you lost your mind? Michael!
But somehow, the guy didn't appear in the mood for conversation.
(Michael hammers a stake into the ground.)
He's lost it. (Frowns.)
You're tellin' me.
I think you better do something, Jack.
Me?!
(Jack looks out the window and chuckles as he frowns.)
He's not gonna listen to me.
Alright, then...I'll talk to him.
(Karen is looking out the window.)
No. I don't want anyone talking to him.
(Karen turns toward Norma.)
This is between Michael, and me. (Gestures.)
Karen!
Mom? I'll handle this.
Leaving one small question.
So, what are you gonna do? (Gestures.)
Nothing. I'll just ignore him. I'm going to bed. Goodnight...(Exits.)
*
(Later in the livingroom. Karen is looking out the window.)
Karen?
Hi...
The thing is, she looked almost...frightened.
(Karen looks out the window as thunder and lightning go off.)
As if there was something out there that scared her to death.
(Karen moves slightly closer to the window and peers out. Michael stands between the tent and the house, facing Karen.)
And maybe there was.
(Jack approaches and looks past her out the window. Thunder and lightning go off.)
I thought you went back to bed.
I did. I just - I couldn't sleep...
(She shakes her head slightly.)
This is insane. (Nods.)
And we all knew it was. I guess love always is.
He's just standing there. What is he doing?
Well, for one thing - he's gettin' pretty wet. I'll tell ya somethin', though...any guy who'd go through all this...then stand out there in the rain...must be really crazy about you. (Frowns.)
Daddy, what am I supposed to do?
But the fact was...we'd done just about everything any family could.
(Norma turns toward the kitchen.)
From now on...it was out of our hands.
(Norma approaches with a thermos.)
Karen? It's freezing out there. I'm gonna bring him some coffee.
No...I'll do it.
Like I said...anything important that happened at my house...
(Cut to the front yard as Karen hurries out, then pauses near the edge of the grass. Thunder goes off.)
Happened in the middle of the night.
You cold?
Nah...(Gestures.)
(He glances up.)
A little. (Nods.)
(Karen approaches him and holds out the thermos.)
Here.
What took you so long?
Jerk.
(She smiles as they hug.)
In a way, it was a relief to all of us. We weren't really good at things like...romance. We were better at marbles, and eight-legged science projects.
Look, Karen...I don't care...(frowns)...about getting married...being married. I just...want us to be together.
What took you so long?
(They hug again.)
Ten days later...Karen asked Michael to marry her. And he accepted.



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(Ep 91 - "The Wedding")

(Kevin, Norma and Jack are sitting in the back seat of Michael's van, behind a bead curtain. Norma wears a nice dress, and the guys were suits, all looking somewhat uncomfortable.)
So, what do you think? (Smiles.)
(Norma moves some beads aside. The car backfires.)
It's...nice honey. (Smiles.)
Yeah! We got a real deal on it. Michael's gonna paint it and fix it up. Aren't you, Michael?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
*
(At a church.)
Ah, the lovely bride and groom-to-be. (Smiles.)
My sister was getting married. At last.
I'm always pleased to bring together a man and wife.
(Karen frowns slightly and glances off.)
You mean...man and woman. (Nods.)
Well, of course.
Not that it was gonna be simple. When it came to my family, nothing ever was.
So...what kind of a ceremony do we have in mind?
Well, we haven't really...(gestures)...talked about it, but...
We thought...(gestures)... something simple. But, traditional. (Smiles.)
We did?
You know...something with flowers, and music...and hymns. (Frowns.) Not too formal, but...kind of...elegant. (Smiles.)
Of course the whole thing was still in the planning stages.
Uh, Mom? Uh, Michael and I were actually...thinking of something a little less...(Gestures.)
(Michael smiles slightly as he moves his head back and forth slightly and shrugs.)
Well, that's OK, honey. Whatever you want. (Smiles.)
Good...good, good.
(Norma looks at the minister.)
We don't...(gestures)...have to have the hymns. (Smiles.)
Hmmm.
Excellent! Now...When shall we schedule our pre-marital counselling sessions?
(Cut to outside the church as Karen pushes the doors open. She and Norma exit, followed by Michael and Jack.)
Pre-marital counselling. (Frowns.) What is this? The stone-age?
It was a classic case of apples and oranges.
Well, honey...maybe we can find another church.
You don't understand. (Gestures.) I don't want my wedding in some musty old chapel.
Well, then...how about something...Unitarian?
Trouble was, the oranges seemed to be winning.
I don't believe this. (Frowns.)
But, honey...
Mom...
*
(At home, Norma is adjusting a wedding dress on Karen, who looks off uncomfortably.)
There. Done. It's beautiful - don't ya think?
(Karen looks down, unenthused.)
It's gorgeous, Mom.
(Karen looks off.)
It's also yours.
What do you think, Jack? (Smiles.)
Well...
Don't ask him...(gestures)...he just pays the bills. (Gestures.)
And there ya had it. Between Dad's wallet and Mom's good intentions...
Now let's try the veil.
(Michael enters from the kitchen, carrying a beer.)
Things were getting a tad out of hand.
Michael! (Frowns.) You're not supposed to see the bride in her wedding dress. (Smiles.)
(Michael looks off and shrugs slightly, then turns toward the kitchen.)
Mom...he's seen me naked.
(Michael looks off and shrugs, then walks toward the table again. He sits down and Jack frowns slightly at him.)
So, Michael...how are things going up at the house?
Oh. Well, I've just about finished up the carpentry work. So...the owner's gonna try to sell it.
You mean ya gotta move out? (Frowns.) What are ya gonna do for a job?
Well, I've been...looking around. For other work. In fact, we've...
(Michael looks at Karen, then glances off and frowns heavily, then looks at Jack.)
Actually...(gestures)...we've been meaning to -
Michael! (Frowns.)
Now, it was pretty clear something was up, here. Something big.
Why haven't you told us?
And as usual...Mom nailed it.
Well...
Cause if you two need a place to stay...you can stay with us. (Smiles.)
Uh-oh...
Jack...maybe you could check for openings at NORCOM...
What? (Frowns.)
(Jack looks at Michael, slightly worried, as he stands up.)
Uhhh...
And that's when the lid blew off.
Mother, no! (Frowns.)
(She removes the veil.)
I can't do this! I-I can't wear this dress...and I can't have this kind of wedding! We have to do it our own way. (Frowns.) Can't you understand that?!
And finally...the truth had been told.
This...isn't what you want?
(Karen looks off and shrugs as she shakes her head slightly.)
*
(Kevin and Michael are at the van as Karen says goodbye to Jack and Norma on the porch.)
I got a job.
Well...that's great! (Smiles.)
And it was. At least I thought it was.
There's just one thing. (Nods.) It's in Alaska.
Alaska? (Frowns.)
(Michael nods as Karen approaches.)
OK, Michael! I'm ready.
(Karen walks in front of Kevin.)
Bye, Kev. (Smiles.)
Yeah. (Smiles.)
(Karen gets in the car and looks at Michael as she closes the door.)
Ready?
(Michael at Kevin, then backs up the car.)
And right about then...I knew for sure what I should have guessed all along.
Take care!
We weren't gaining an in-law...
Bye! (Waves.)
We were losing a family.
*
(At Karen and Michael's house, she is making introductions.)
And these are my friends...Rainbow and Wind.
(Karen turns and stands between Wayne and Jack.)
My family. (Gestures.)
We were kinda like strangers in a strange land.





*
(Later on the front steps.)
Hey.
Still, by around four o'clock...
Hey.
(She picks a flower and looks at it.)
I was beginning to feel time running out.
It's a great party.
Yeah. (Smiles.)
(Karen looks forward and frowns slightly.)
OK...I'd never been real good with interpersonal dialog with my sister. So I figured...approach this sensitively.
So, when are you gonna tell 'em?
(Karen looks slightly puzzled.)
Mom and Dad. About Alaska.
Oh...(Nods.)
I mean, what are ya gonna do? S-send 'em a post-card with a...polar bear on it?
No, I just...I haven't found the right moment, yet. (Frowns.) Besides...you know how they are. (Nods.)
And that was the problem. Unfortunately, I did.
(Karen puts her head in her hands.)
*
(At the pre-wedding dinner.)
You'll have to teach me these recipes, honey.
Sure...(Nods.)
(Karen looks down.)
Still, I couldn't help noticing the bride looked a little...nervous.
(Karen looks toward Kevin, then Norma, and puts her hands on the table.)
Mom...listen...
(Karen opens her mouth to speak as Jack taps his glass and stands up.)
Excuse me...(gestures)...but I have something I have to say.
*
(Jack gives his speech, then Jack and Norma find out about Alaska from the design on the cake. Now, Karen joins them in the kitchen.)
Hi.
(She steps forward slowly, then gestures.)
I didn't mean for you to find out this way. (Frowns.)
When were you gonna tell us? (Frowns.)
I don't know. (Smiles.) Tonight.
(She sighs and raises her eyebrows.)
Now.
(Karen looks down emotionally.)
I just...I didn't want to spoil everything.
(She looks at Jack and Norma, slightly tearfully.)
Karen! We're your parents. (Gestures.) Don't you think we have a right to know? (Nods.)
Mom! This doesn't change anything. Michael and I have a life. You have to let us go.
*
(At the ceremony.)
I watched my mother send her firstborn child out into the world. And felt her sorrow. And her joy.
And who brought Karen into being and now presents her to be united with Michael?
Her mother and I.
I watched my father give away his only girl...to a stranger he hardly knew.
(Fade to Kevin holding a ring in each hand.)
I said goodbye, myself.
Although they are separate, they will always be together.
(Kevin hands the rings to Michael. Michael and Karen face each other.)
We are as one.
(Karen takes a ring, and looks at Michael.)
One pain, one joy.
One coming together, for all our lives.
One dream of tomorrow.
It is more than love.
It is life.
(Karen slides a ring on Michael's finger.)
One life.
(Michael slips a ring on Karen's finger.)
One being. Together.
*

Looking back, maybe it all seems a little silly. But being there, in those passing moments...I saw that something real and important was happening. Not just for Michael and Karen...but for all of us. In our small and fragile, almost-insignificant suburban family. After all, those were passionate times...when children were pioneers on the road to find out, wherever that road might take them. When brothers and sisters, looking back...wished they'd known each other better. And parents...filled with love and despair...held on to the past...and kept a quiet vigil, for the future.




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(Ep 115 - "Independence Day")

(At the parade, Karen hugs Kevin.)
Hey, sis.
One for all...
(Kevin puts his hand on pregnant Karen's stomach.)
Gosh. (Smiles.)
Little Kevin. (Nods).
(Karen elbows Wayne and smiles.)
And all for one.
Little Eskimo. (Gestures.)
Karen's son was born that September. I gotta say, I think he looks like me - poor kid.

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