"Dinner Out" - Episode 77



Opening Sequence

(Home movie clip of Norma in the Arnold back yard, holding a birthday cake and smiling broadly as she points. A tango version of "Happy Birthday" plays. The camera pans with Norma as she sets the cake in front of Jack, sitting at the picnic table with little Kevie, Karen and Wayne next to him. Jack smiles and waves at the camera.)

My dad was always a sucker for birthdays.

(Norma walks behind Jack, pats his shoulders, then claps.)

Every year, he loved the ritual.

(Wayne leans over and blows on the candles. Kevin blows out a party favor.)

The attention.

(Norma kisses Jack on the cheek.)

The cake.

(Clip of Wayne pressing a piece of cake under Kevie's nose and laughing.)

Heck, we all loved the cake.

(Clip of Jack lying on his back on the grass as the kids approach with presents.)

But most of all...

(The kids set the presents down, and Kevin hops on Jack.)

Dad loved our gifts.

(Jack lifts Kevie up and smiles, as Karen settles on him.)

(Clip of Jack and Norma sitting on the ground looking at a paper Jack is holding, as Wayne and Kevin stand nearby.)

No matter what we gave him...

(Jack tilts the paper toward Karen sitting next to him, then turns it to face the camera, and says something. It is a fingerpainting of handprints.)

It was his moment of glory.

(Clip of Karen approaching Jack with a cardboard crown behind her back.)

His time in the sun.

(She puts the crown on Jack's head, then hugs him around the neck.)

His chance...

(Jack holds the crown up and looks at it, then puts it back on.)

To be king for a day.

(He kisses Karen on the cheek. The music ends.)

Fade to

Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Close shot of Jack looking off and frowning. He looks down as the camera pulls back.)

Unfortunately by birthday-time, nineteen-seventy-one...

(He is trying to cut some meat with his knife.)

The king wasn't looking so...

(The camera pulls back past Wayne and Norma. Wayne burps, and the others look at him.)

Kingly.

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)

WAYNE: Sorry. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack frowning at Wayne off-screen.)

Maybe it was because he was about to turn forty-three in a week.

(Jack glances at Norma off-screen, then looks down and sighs.)

(Shot of Jack's plate as he awkwardly tries to cut the meat.)

Maybe it was the day-to-day irritations.

(Shot of Jack looking down and frowning heavily as he cuts the meat.)

Maybe it was something else.

NORMA (V/O): Jack?

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at him.)

NORMA: I spoke to Karen today. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Jack looking down as he cuts the meat.)

JACK: I don't want to talk about it.

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at her plate.)

NORMA: Well, she just wanted to know...

(Norma looks at Jack.)

NORMA: How we're all doing.

(She looks at Kevin off-screen and smiles.)

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

JACK: We're doing fine.

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at her plate.)

NORMA: And she mentioned that she and...

(Shot of Jack looking forward.)

JACK: I don't want to talk about it.

(Shot of all past Norma and Jack.)

Face it. For the past six months, ever since he'd found out my sister was co-habitating without benefit of clergy...

(Close shot of Jack opening his mouth wide as he puts a piece of meat in it.)

Dad had become kinda...

(Jack chews a few times and shrugs.)

Monosyllabic.

(Jack sighs.)

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

We, of course...

(Kevin looks off.)

Did our best to humor the big guy.

(Kevin looks at Jack.)

KEVIN: So, Dad...(smiles)...who do you think's gonna be in the superbowl this year?

(Close shot of Norma smiling at Kevin off-screen, then at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack frowning at Kevin off-screen as he cuts some meat.)

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

WAYNE (V//O): I don't get it.

(Shot of Wayne as he picks up a large spoonful of mashed potatoes.)

WAYNE: I mean, what's the big deal?

(Wayne thwacks the potatoes onto his plate and gets another spoonful.)

WAYNE: Just because she's shacking up...

(Wayne thwacks the potatoes onto his plate.)

WAYNE: With some guy. (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Jack looking up from his plate toward Wayne off-screen and growling.)

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): Jack...

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at him.)

NORMA: Maybe if you just talk to her...

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

But no matter how hard we tried, there was just...

(Close shot of Jack looking forward.)

No mending the hole in our family.

(He glances at Norma off-screen, then looks forward.)

JACK: I don't...wanna talk about it.

(Jack looks off.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - Karen and Michael's House

(Close shot of Karen.)

KAREN: I don't wanna talk about it.

(Shot from behind Karen, of Karen and Norma as Karen plants some flowers.)

KAREN: OK?

(Norma looks at Karen.)

Ah, well...like dad, like...daughter.

NORMA: Honey, he is your father.

(Close shot of Karen looking down.)

KAREN: Mom?

(Karen looks at Norma off-screen.)

KAREN: Did you really come all the way up here to tell me that?

(Shot past Karen of norma looking at her.)

NORMA: No. I came to bring you groceries.

(Norma looks off and nods. Karen turns and looks over her shoulder.)

Every two weeks...

(Shot of Kevin and Michael unloading brown shopping bags from the car.)

My mother would invent some subterfuge...

(Close shot of Norma looking toward Kevin and Michael off-screen.)

To sneak behind enemy lines...

(Shot past Norma and Karen of the guys as they unload the bags.)

And attempt to re-establish communications.

(Karen turns toward Norma and frowns.)

KAREN: We do have stores around here, you know. (Nods.)

(Wide shot of Karen standing up, and Norma kneeling next to what appears to be an old bathtub being used as a flower planter.)

With...varying success.

(Norma stands and follows Karen toward the steps.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder, holding two brown bags, then looking at Michael off-screen.)

(Wide shot of both.)

MICHAEL: Have you got that OK?

KEVIN: Yeah - I'm fine.

MICHAEL: Your mom knows there's only two of us, right? (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the house off-screen.)

KEVIN: I think so.

(Kevin looks toward Michael off-screen.)

(Close shot of Michael looking at Kevin off-screen, then toward the car.)

That would be Michael - Karen's boyfriend.

(Michael reaches in the car, then looks at Kevin off-screen and smiles slightly.)

Or live-in. Or...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Michael off-screen.)

Significant other. Whatever.

(Shot past Kevin as Michael straightens up and looks at him.)

MICHAEL: So, uh...how's your dad?

(Michael holds out a bunch of celery.)

(Shot past Michael of Kevin as Michael tucks the celery under his chin.)

KEVIN: Ya know, he's...about the same.

(Shot past Kevin of Michael looking at him.)

MICHAEL: Only worse?

(Shot of Kevin looking at Michael off-screen.)

KEVIN: You got it.

(Wide shot of both as they adjust their bags.)

Thing is...

(Michael pauses and nods directionally. Kevin walks forward.)

Even though I was supposed to hate the guy...

(Kevin passes the camera.)

I didn't.

(Michael closes the door with his foot and follows Kevin.)

Not that that was the problem.

Cut to

Int. Day - The Kitchen

(Shot past Norma of Karen looking at her.)

KAREN: Well, we live together, we sleep together...

(Kevin approaches the refrigerator in the background.)

KAREN: We are together.

(Karen takes a step backward. Kevin glances at them as he closes the refrigerator.)

That was the problem.

(The camera pulls back.)

NORMA: We know that, honey.

KAREN: See, maybe you know that, but dad doesn't know that.

(Michael passes the camera.)

NORMA: Well, you just have to give him some time.

(Michael sets a bag down near the refrigerator.)

KAREN: I mean he...he's stubborn...

(Close shot of Karen looking in a bag on the table.)

KAREN: He's pig-headed...

(Karen looks at Kevin off-screen.)

KAREN: Isn't he, Kevin?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Karen off-screen.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Close shot of Norma looking at Karen off-screen.)

NORMA: Now, don't talk about your father like that.

(Close shot of Karen looking at Norma off-screen, then down.)

(Close shot of Michael looking over his shoulder at Norma off-screen, then Karen off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Ah, so, uh...

(Michael looks off and pauses, then looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Who do you think's gonna be in the superbowl this year? (Smiles.)

(Wider shot of all, standing around the table.)

I guess life here was about the same...

(Kevin lifts a bag off the table.)

As at our house.

MICHAEL: Never mind.

(Michael glances at Norma, then kneels at the bag on the floor next to the refrigerator.)

(Norma looks at Karen as she holds some apples.)

NORMA: Karen you're not being fair. Just...(gestures)...come talk to him.

(Karen looks at Norma and pauses.)

KAREN: Mom, I'd love to.

(Norma looks off and gestures.)

NORMA: Well, good, then. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Karen looking at Norma off-screen as she pulls Michael up by his arm.)

KAREN: But not without Michael.

(Michael looks at Norma off-screen.)

(Close shot of Norma looking at Karen and Michael off-screen and frowning slightly.)

And we were back where we started.

(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder at them off-screen.)

(Shot of Karen and Michael as Michael looks at her.)

MICHAEL: You know...

(Michael looks at Norma off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Maybe it wouldn't hurt...

(Michael and Karen look at each other.)

MICHAEL: For you to, ya know, sit down, together. (Frowns.) I mean, he's your father, right?

(He glances at Norma off-screen, then looks at Karen.)

MICHAEL: And, well he's paying for all the groceries. Right?

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward and sighing slightly.)

(Close shot of Michael looking off, squinting slightly, then looking at Karen off-screen.)

MICHAEL: I think there's another bag in the car. (Nods.)

(Michael looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Right?

(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder at Michael off-screen.)

KEVIN: Right. (Nods.)

(Wide shot of all as Michael walks toward the doorway.)

And there ya had it.

NORMA: Honey...

(Karen raises her hands.)

KAREN: Eh, there's nothing more to talk about. (Gestures.)

(Sound of the screen door opening, as Karen opens the refrigerator, and Kevin walks toward the doorway.)

We were trapped between the rock and the hard place.

(Kevin pauses, then exits.)

With no place to go, but...

Cut to

Int. - Department Store

(Close shot of a rack of greeting cards.)

Shopping.

(Wayne's hand picks up a card which reads...)

WAYNE (V/O): Happy birthday, Dad.

(Wayne's hands start to open the card.)

(Shot of Kevin and Wayne as Wayne reads the card.)

WAYNE: You're not getting older - that would be impossible. (Laughs.)

KEVIN: Come on - you don't want to get him that. (Frowns.)

(Wayne puts the card back.)

WAYNE: Mom said we can get him anything we want. (Frowns.)

(Wayne starts to walk past Kevin.)

(Wider shot of both as they bump shoulders, and Wayne walks away.)

Which, for my brother, meant anything under a buck.

(Kevin frowns, then turns and follows Wayne.)

(Shot past a rack of clothing of Kevin walking down an aisle. The camera rolls with him as he looks around.)

Me, I'd been workin' all summer, and this was the first time in my life I could afford to spend more than two dollars for my father's birthday. Trouble was, I had absolutely no idea what it should be.

(Kevin walks out of the shot.)

(Close shot of a saleswoman.)

SALESWOMAN: May I help you?

(Shot past the saleswoman of Kevin looking at her.)

KEVIN: Uh, yeah. (Gestures.) I'm looking for a gift for my dad.

(Wider shot of both facing each other across the glass showcase.)

SALESWOMAN: I know just the thing.

(Shot past the saleswoman of Kevin looking at her.)

Great - a little professional advice.

(Shot past Kevin of the salewoman as she holds up a display model foot which is wearing a yellow sock.)

SALESWOMAN: Socks. (Smiles.)

(Shot past the saleswoman of Kevin looking at her.)

Socks.

SALEWOMAN (V/O): They're Dacron-polyester.

KEVIN: Well...no...you see, I wanted to get him somethin', you know...better. (Frowns.)

(Shot of both facing each other across the glass showcase.)

SALESWOMAN: Well, that shouldn't be too hard.

(She sets the display down.)

SALESWOMAN: Why don't you tell me a little bit about him?

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

KEVIN: Well...

(Kevin looks at the salewoman off-screen.)

KEVIN: He's my dad. (Smiles.) And, uh...

Let's see now.

(Kevin frowns slightly.)

KEVIN: Well, he-he's sort of...

(Close shot of the saleswoman looking expectantly at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off, then at the saleswoman off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, he's kinda like...(Smiles.)

Trouble was...

(Kevin looks off and frowns slightly.)

How do you put a man like that into words.

(Kevin looks at the saleswoman off-screen and smiles slightly.)

Cut to

Int. Day - Kitchen

(Shot of Jack lying on his back, with his head and shoulders under the sink cabinet. A bucket is nearby, and Kevin is standing next to him. Sound of banging metal.)

JACK (V/O): Damn.

That was one way.

KEVIN: Dad?

JACK (V/O): What?!

(Low shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: What do you want for your birthday? (Smiles.)

Figured maybe I'd get an insight, here.

(Shot past Kevin of Jack raising his open hand.)

JACK (V/O): Screwdriver.

(Shot of both as Kevin reaches into the toolbox on the counter.)

Or maybe not.

(Kevin hands Jack a screwdriver.)

KEVIN: I mean...

(Low shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Is there somethin' you might really need, but...no one ever gotcha?

(Kevin looks off and smiles.)

KEVIN: You know, somethin' really...

JACK (V/O): No!

(Shot past Kevin of Jack.)

(Low shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh.

(Close shot of Jack as he sits up, frowning, looks at the "U"-shaped pipe, then looks at Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: Great.(Frowns.)

(Jack holds the pipe up and looks in it.)

JACK: It's all I needed. Whole place is comin' apart in my hands.

(Jack frowns, then digs in the end of the pipe with the screwdriver.)

(Low shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

The thing is, I'd never seen the guy so down in the dumps.

(Close shot of Jack as he scrapes the inside of the pipe and frowns.)

Someone was gonna have to do something...

(Wide shot of both.)

And fast.

(Norma enters slowly from the dining room.)

NORMA: Jack?

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: Heh?

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen, then glancing at Kevin off-screen as she approaches.)

And then...my mother did.

(She looks at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: I've been thinking. About your party...(Nods.)

(Shot of Jack looking up at Norma off-screen as he frowns and shakes his head.)

JACK: I don't want a party.

(He starts to stand up.)

(Wide shot of all three as Jack stands up. The camera rises up with him.)

NORMA: Fine, then. It won't be a party.

(She raises and drops both arms, then crosses them as Jack turns toward the sink.)

NORMA: It'll be more like a...family get-together.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning heavily.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

But if Mom thought...

(Close shot of Norma biting her lip slightly, and glancing off.)

She was gonna lead this horse to water...

(She looks at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off and frowning slightly.)

She picked the wrong horse.

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)

JACK: Forget it, Norma. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Yeah, come on, Mom. (Frowns.) He doesn't...

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: I know that Karen would love to come.

(Close shot of Jack looking up from the sink toward Norma off-screen.)

JACK: She would? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen, then Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): I talked to her this morning.

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: And she said that...(nods)...that she'd like to come? (Frowns.)

NORMA: Uh-hmmm. (Smiles.)

(Jack looks off.)

It was the first glimmer of a smile I'd seen on the guy in weeks.

NORMA: She and Michael spoke, and...

(Wide shot of all as Norma smiles and gestures.)

NORMA: They thought they'd drive down here on Saturday, and...

JACK: What?!

(Close shot of Jack looking angrily at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: Over my dead body! (Frowns.)

(Jack tosses the pipe down, then walks past the camera.)

(Shot of Jack walking past Norma as the camera pans with him.)

NORMA (V/O): But, honey...

JACK: No! I don't...

(Shot of Wayne on the couch watching TV.)

JACK (V/O): Wanna talk about it!

(Wayne looks toward the living room off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack approaching the camera, as Norma follows him through the doorway. Kevin is at the counter in the background.)

NORMA: Listen to me, Jack!

(Jack pauses and turns toward Norma.)

NORMA: She's our daughter! (Frowns.) How can you treat her like this?!

(She puts her hands on her hips.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: What about her?! (Frowns.) She's the one who moved in with that...

(Jack pauses and frowns heavily.)

Hmmm.

JACK: That...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

Cad? Cradle robber?

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Norma and Jack facing each other.)

NORMA: She wants to come to your birthday, Jack. (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: Not with that guy! (Points.) Not in my house! (Frowns.)

(Shot past Jack of Norma and Kevin.)

And there it was. Dad's final proclamation. End of discussion.

(Kevin steps into the doorway.)

(Shot of Wayne on the couch, watching TV and chewing some popcorn.)

There was nothing left to say, except...

(Wayne looks toward them off-screen and gestures.)

WAYNE: So why don't we go someplace else? (Frowns.)

(Shot of Jack, Norma and Kevin as Jack turns toward Wayne off-screen.)

JACK: Huh?

It may have been the most...

(Shot of Wayne on the couch, looking toward the TV off-screen.)

Inspired moment of Wayne's long and abysmal adolescence.

(Wayne eats some more popcorn.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well...yeah! You know, like a...a restaurant.

(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen, then down. He has his arms crossed.)

JACK: A restaurant...

And suddenly, Dad had been caught...

(Shot past Jack of Norma and Kevin.)

Dead to rights.

NORMA: What do you think, honey?

(Jack looks toward Norma.)

In one fell swoop...

(Close shot of Jack looking toward Norma off-screen and frowning slightly.)

The great wall of protocol had been smashed.

(Jack looks down.)

What else could the old man say, other than...

(Jack quickly looks toward them off-screen.)

JACK: Who gets to pick the restaurant? (Frowns.)

(Shot past Jack of Norma and Kevin. They speak simultaneously.)

KEVIN: You.

NORMA: You do. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jack looking off.)

JACK: Oh.

(He shrugs slightly.)

Cut to

Ext. Evening - Briarcliff Lodge

(Shot down a red carpet as the Arnold car pulls up to the valet area. A valet opens Kevin and Norma's doors.)

And so, at long last, the arrangements were made.

MAN (V/O): There ya go, Donna.

(The camera moves in slightly as everyone gets out. Jack talks to another valet and walks around the front of the car as Wayne walks around the back.)

The stage was set for the great Arnold-Saturday-night-peace-conference of nineteen-seventy-one.

(They meet and pause, lookng toward the building.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the entranceway. A valet has his hands in his pockets. There is a round plaque which reads "Briarcliff Lodge".)

The Briarcliff Lodge. Our very own demilitarized zone.

(Shot of the four Arnold's looking toward the building off-screen.)

JACK: Not bad...

(Norma looks at Jack and smiles.)

As for me...

(Kevin reaches into his breast pocket.)

I'd decided on a surprise gift for Dad.

(Kevin pulls out his wallet.)

I was gonna...

(Close shot of Kevin opening the wallet, which has a fair amount of money in it. The camera pans up to Kevin.)

Blow the proceeds from my summer on dinner for the whole family.

(Wayne approaches behind Kevin and looks over Kevin's shoulder.)

Assuming it didn't get stolen.

(Wayne reaches around Kevin, who turns toward him.)

KEVIN: Get outta here! (Frowns.)

(Wayne smiles and laughs.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma. Jack is looking toward the building off-screen and smiling, as Norma looks at him.)

NORMA: Well...(shrugs)...shall we go in? (Smiles.)

(Jack looks at her and nods.)

(Wider shot of all as they approach the camera.)

Yep. All that remained was awaiting the arrival of loved-ones and friends.

(Sound of a motorcycle. The group pauses, and they look over their shoulders as Michael and Karen pull up.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking toward them off-screen. Jack looks at them in angry disbelief.)

Or, the Hell's Angels.

(Closer shot of Karen and Michael as Karen takes off her helmet.)

Which ever came first.

(Michael sets his helmet on the handlebar, and looks at the Arnold's off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Hi. Sorry we're late.

(Michael glances at Karen.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at Michael and Karen off-screen.)

JACK: They couldn't come in a car?

NORMA: They don't have a car. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Karen and Michael approaching, then pausing as Michael sighs.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at Michael and Karen off-screen.)

KAREN (V/O): Hi, Dad.

(Jack growls.)

(Shot of Karen and Michael looking at Jack off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Hey, Mr. Arnold.

(Wider shot of all. Jack holds his hands together as Michael holds his out toward him. Michael pauses, then Norma shakes his hand.)

NORMA: Hi, Michael. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Karen and Michael. Karen is looking down, and Michael glances at her.)

Looking back, it was quite a moment...

(Michael glances at Jack off-screen.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at Michael and Karen off-screen.)

Historic, really. After all, we were...

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Michael off-screen to Jack off-screen.)

Crossing the Rubicon, here.

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Michael off-screen.)

WAYNE: So. (Smiles.)

(They shake hands off-screen.)

WAYNE: You're the guy who's sleeping with my sister, hah?

(Wide shot of all as Wayne steps back.)

(Close shot of Michael looking at Jack off-screen.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at Wayne off-screen. Twang of Snuffy's guitar.)

And there was nothing to do...

(Close shot of Wayne smiling at Michael off-screen and nodding.)

But...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, then at Michael off-screen.)

Swim for our lives.

(Kevin glances to Jack, then Wayne off-screen.)

Fade to

Int. Evening - Briarcliff Lobby

(Close shot of a the maitre d')

MAITRE D': Good evening. May I help you?>

NORMA (V/O): Yes.

(Shot of Kevin, Norma and the maitre d' at his station.)

NORMA: Arnold, party of six. (Smiles).

(The maitre d' picks up his eye-glasses.)

MAITRE D': Let me check.
(He looks at his reservation list.)



(Shot of Wayne, Jack, Karen and Michael standing unconfortably in the distance).

Things hadn't exactly started off on the right foot.

(Shot of Kevin, Norma and the maitre d' at his station.)

Still, at least everyone was still talking.

MAITRE D' (V/O): I'm sorry.

(Shot of Kevin, Norma and the maitre d'.)

MAITRE D': Might the reservation be under another name?

(The maitre d' scans the reservation list, moving his pencil down it.)

NORMA: I don't think so.

(Shot of Norma and Kevin looking at the maitre d' off-screen.)

NORMA: I called myself. (Shrugs.)

(Close shot of the maitre d' looking down at his list.)

MAITRE D': I see nothing here.

(He looks off and gestures.)

MAITRE D': And as you can tell, we're quite busy.

(He looks at Norma off-screen and smiles slightly, then looks past her and waves slightly.)

MAITRE D': Ah, Dr. Cook.

(Shot of Norma and Kevin looking at the maitre d' off-screen.)

Hmmm. Seemed pretty clear...

(Norma and Kevin look over theirs shoulders as a couple walks behind them.)

(Close shot of the maitre d' lookin down at his list.)

This bozo was playing Mom for all she was worth.

(He looks at Norma off-screen and smiles slightly.)

(Shot of Norma and Kevin looking at the maitre d' off-screen.)

And the birthday boy was getting antsy.

(Sound of Jack clearing his throat impatiently. Kevin and Norma look at him off-screen.)

(Shot of Wayne, Jack, Karen and Michael.)

JACK: There a problem, Norma?

(Shot of Norma and Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: Uh, no, honey...everything's fine. (Smiles.)

(Norma looks down and frowns slightly.)

OK, then.

(Norma looks at the maitre d' off-screen, then Kevin and Norma look at each other.)

Since I was gonna be paying for this fiasco.

(Kevin looks at the maitre d' off-screen.)

KEVIN: Listen...

(Close shot of the maitre d' looking at Kevin off-screen.)

Mac.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the maitre d' off-screen.)

KEVIN: Today's my father's birthday...

(He looks down as he gets his wallet out.)

KEVIN: So this dinner's, uh...kinda...

(He looks at the maitre d' off-screen.)

KEVIN: Important. (Smiles.) So maybe you can get us a table.

(Close shot of the maitre d' looking at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of a one-dollar bill in Kevin's hand as he holds it up and the maitre d' takes it. The camera pans up to Kevin looking toward the maitre d' off-screen.)

Heh-heh.

(Close shot of the maitre d' looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MAITRE D': I'll see what I can do.

(He looks toward Norma off-screen.)

Like they say...

(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Norma off-screen and smiling.)

Money talks...nobody walks.

(Shot of the maitre d' approaching the camera, leading the Arnold's through the restaurant. The camera rolls back with them as the maitre d' puts the dollar in his jacket pocket.)

Yeah, it was all just a matter of droppin' a few pesos in the right pocket.

(The camera pans over slightly with the Arnold's as they pause near a large table with upholstered chairs. The maitre d' passes the camera.)

NORMA: This is lovely. (Smiles.)

(The maitre d' returns.)

MAITRE D': Well, yes...

(He sweeps his hand dramatically.)

MAITRE D': Your table...is over here.

(The camera rolls back as the maitre d' approaches. The Arnold's pause then follow him as he exits past the camera.)

On the other hand...

(The camera pulls back across a small table with wooden chairs.)

Maybe the peso didn't go as far as it used to.

(The maitre d' approaches and dramatically gestures across the table.)

MAITRE D': Enjoy...

(He walks back toward the lobby as the Arnold's look at the table.)

MICHAEL: Well...(nods)...this is...(gestures)...nice.

KAREN: Yeah.

JACK: Yeah...

WAYNE: So, where do we sit?

(Close shot of Norma looking at the table off-screen.)

NORMA: Well, let me see, uh...(frowns)...how about...(shrugs)...boy-girl, boy-girl? (Smiles.)

(She looks at Jack off-screen.)

There.

(She looks at Michael off-screen and smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

Sound thinking.

(Close shot of Jack as he sits in the chair and grunts, then looks toward Norma off-screen, slightly startled.)

What a plan.

(The camera pans right.)

Boy.

(The camera passes Karen.)

Girl.

(The camera pans right, and passes Wayne.)

Boy.

(The camera pans right, and passes Norma.)

Girl.

(The camera pans right, and passes Kevin.)

Boy.

(The camera pans right, and passes Michael.)

Boy.

(The camera pans right, and pauses on Jack.)

Whoa, boy.

(Jack glances toward Michael off-screen, and the camera pans back to him. Michael looks off.)

Leading to one unmistakable conclusion.

(He looks at Jack off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Guess we ran out of girls, huh? (Smiles.)

(The camera pans slowly to Jack, who frowns and looks off.)

Yeah. That would be it.

(Close shot of a waitress approaching.)

WAITRESS: And how are we all this evening? (Smiles.)

(Wide shot of all from behind the waitress.)

If only she only.

WAITRESS: Can I get you folks a drink?

(Wayne glances at her.)

WAYNE: Uh, yeah!

(Close shot of Wayne looking at the waitress off-screen.)

WAYNE: I'll have a double...

(Wayne smiles at Jack off-screen, then looks at the waitress off-screen.)

WAYNE: Scotch-rocks, with a twist. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Wayne off-screen and frowning slightly.)

(Close shot of the waitress frowning at Wayne off-screen.)

(Close shot of Wayne looking toward Jack off-screen and pointing.)

WAYNE: For him. (Smiles.)

(Wayne looks at the waitress off-screen.)

WAYNE: Natch.

(Close shot of Jack looking at Wayne off-screen.)

JACK: Oh...(Nods.)

(Wide shot of all from behind the waitress.)

NORMA: If we could just see the menus, please.

(Close shot of the waitress as she hands out the menus.)

WAITRESS: Oh, our special tonight is a sixteen-ounce prime rib. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at the waitress off-screen and raising his eyebrows.)

JACK: Prime rib, huh?

(He nods slightly and looks at his menu.)

Alright - this was the ticket.

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him and smiling slightly.)

Mellow the guy out with a good old fashioned hunk o'...

(Close shot of Karen frowning at the menu.)

KAREN: Dead cow.

(Close shot of Jack frowning slightly at Karen off-screen as he closes his menu.)

(Shot of Kevin and Michael as Michael looks at Karen off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Uh, Karen...

(Close shot of Karen looking at Michael off-screen.)

KAREN: Well, that's what prime rib is, isn't it?

(She glances toward Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack rolling his eyes.)

KAREN (V/O): Cow flesh?

(Close shot of Karen frowning at the waitress off-screen.)

KAREN: How many innocent beasts...

(She looks off.)

KAREN: Had to be slaughtered...

(She looks at the waitress off-screen.)

KAREN: So we could have this meal?

(Close shot of the waitress looking at Karen off-screen and shaking her head slightly.)

WAITRESS: I don't know, honey...(nods)...I just work here.

(She looks around the table.)

WAITRESS: I'll be back to take your orders.

(She makes a little face and turns to leave.)

(Wide shot of all from behind the waitress as she exits.)

KAREN: Who chose this place, anyway?

(Close shot of Wayne pointing toward Jack off-screen.)

WAYNE: Dad did.

(Close shot of Karen looking down and frowning, then looking toward Jack off-screen.)

Which left us about...

(Close shot of Jack looking at Karen off-screen and smirking slightly.)

Oh, five seconds...

(Shot of Kevin and Michael looking slightly uncomfortable.)

From meltdown.

MICHAEL: So, uh, Mr. Arnold...

(Michael looks toward Jack off-screen.)

MICHAEL: How are things at...

(Close shot of Jack turning toward Michael off-screen and frowning.)

(Close shot of Michael looking at Jack off-screen, and glancing up quickly.)

MICHAEL: Norplant?

(Shot of Karen frowning slightly at Michael off-screen.)

MICHAEL (V/O): Norcorp.

(Close shot of Michael looking at Jack off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Norfleet. (Frowns.) Nor...

(Sound of a timer clicking as Michael looks toward Karen off-screen.)

(Shot of Karen mouthing "com".)

(Close shot of Michael frowning slightly at Karen off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Com!

(Ding of the timer bell as Michael looks at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack looking forward and frowning, then glancing sideways at Michael off-screen.)

MICHAEL (V/O): Norcom!

(Close shot of Michael looking uneasily at Jack off-screen and nodding slightly.)

MICHAEL: That's-that's where you work, right?

(He glances down.)

MICHAEL: How are things there?

(He licks his lips and looks at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack nodding slightly and frowning heavily at Michael off-screen.)

JACK: Work's work. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Kevin and Michael as Michael looks toward the center of the table, and Kevin looks off.)

And, back to me.

KEVIN: Well, uh...I have to go to the bathroom.

(He starts to stand up. Michael looks at him.)

MICHAEL: Yeah, me too.

(They stand up and start to exit.)

Cut to

Int. - Rest Room

(Close shot of Michael closing his eyes.)

MICHAEL: Norcom! (Frowns.) I knew it was Norcom.

(He turns away from the camera.)

(Shot past Michael of Kevin washing his hands in the sink.)

MICHAEL: What is the matter with me?

KEVIN: Look, it wasn't so bad.

(Michael passes the camera but is reflected in the mirror as he gets a paper towel.)

KEVIN: Really.

(Michael looks down as he wipes his hands.)

MICHAEL: Right. I just made a complete fool of myself.

KEVIN: Well, sometimes...my dad can do that to people.

(Michael rolls his eyes and frowns as he walks past the camera.)

MICHAEL: Maybe we should just stay in here awhile, you think?

(Michael turns and walks past the camera. Kevin reaches for a paper towel and looks after him.)

Obviously this guy needed help.

KEVIN: Look, you'll be fine. It just gets awkward, when...

(Shot past Michael of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: You're, you know...

(Shot past Kevin of Michael looking at him expectantly.)

(Shot past Michael of Kevin looking at him.)

Sleeping with someone's daughter.

KEVIN: The new person.

(Shot past Kevin of Michael looking at him.)

MICHAEL: You mean because I'm sleeping with his daughter? (Nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Michael off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well...(shrugs)...there's that. (Smiles.)

MICHAEL (V/O): If I could just figure out how to talk to the guy.

(Shot past Kevin of Michael looking at him.)

MICHAEL: What's he interested in? I mean...(frowns)...besides murder.

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

So I searched my brain for that one elusive universal language that could somehow...

(Close shot of Michael looking at Kevin off-screen expectantly.)

Forge a bond between men.

(Michael bites his lip slightly.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off, then at Michael.)

KEVIN: What about golf? (Smiles.)

Cut to

The Salad Bar

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Golf? (Nods.)

(He takes a bite of a carrot stick.)

(Shot of Michael and Kevin.)

Sure - Dad loved golf.

(They glance at each other.)

MICHAEL: Uh-huh.

(Wide shot down the salad bar. Jack and Wayne face Kevin and Michael. Norma and Karen are at the opposite end.)

JACK: My short game's crap, my putting's gone to pot, and last weekend I lost twelve bucks on a three-man Nassau.

(Close shot of Jack looking at Michael off-screen.)

JACK: I hate...golf.

(Shot of Michael and Kevin frowning slightly at each other.)

(Shot down the salad bar as Jack walks off. Wayne grabs some serving tongs and looks at Kevin.)

WAYNE: Excuse me.

(Wayne piles more salad on his plate, which is already overflowing.)

KEVIN: It's all you can eat, butthead - not all you can carry.

WAYNE: Yeah...

(Wayne puts more salad on his plate, much of it falling off.)

WAYNE: Pow...

Fade to

The Table

(Wide shot of all around the table.)

And so, from the far-flung corners of the salad-bar...we came together once again.

(Close shot of Jack looking off uncomfortably.)

Basking in the warm glow of familial companionship.

(Jack frowns slightly.)

(Close shot of Karen looking at Jack off-screen.)

Chatting up a storm.

(She looks off and crosses her arms.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): I have an idea.

(Kevin looks toward Norma off-screen.)

(Close shot of Norma nodding slightly.)

NORMA: Why don't we all give your father his gifts. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen, shaking his head and frowning.)

JACK: Ah, Norma, I don't...

NORMA (V/O): Don't be silly, Jack - it's your birthday.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: You have to have presents. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack looking down as he raises his eyebrows and sighs.)

Well...

(Jack looks at Norma off-screen and smiles slightly.)

(Wide shot of all as Norma stands and walks around the table.)

It was worth a try, anyway.

(Wayne hands Jack a manila envelope.)

(Close shot of the envelope as Jack pulls out a colorful op-art designed tie. The camera pans up slightly as Jack holds the tie up and looks at it.)

WAYNE (V/O): Sorry I didn't have time...

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)

WAYNE: To wrap it, but uh...(frowns)...it's really cool, huh? (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Wayne off-screen.)

JACK: Thanks.

(He nods and frowns slightly.)

(Close shot of Wayne nodding and smiling at Jack off-screen as he chews a roll.)

Fortunately...as it turned out...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, then glancing off and sighing.)

The evening didn't hinge on Wayne's taste in haberdashery.

(Shot of Kevin, Michael, Jack and Karen as Norma stands next to Jack and hands him a flat rectangular present.)

NORMA: Go on - open it.

(She puts her hands on Jack's shoulders. Jack starts to open the paper.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin as Jack opens the present. It is a brown photo album.)

(Close shot of the album as Jack's hand opens the cover. A small note is on the cover page.)

NORMA (V/O): November sixth, nineteen-twenty-seven.

(Close shot of Jack and Norma looking at the album off-screen.)

NORMA: Forty-three years ago, today. (Smiles.)

(She kisses Jack on the cheek.)

JACK: Where did you get this? (Smiles.)

(Norma wipes Jack's cheek with her finger and looks at the album off-screen.)

NORMA: I asked your father if he had any old pictures of you...

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin as they look at the album.)

NORMA: He gave me a box your mother left in the attic.

(Jack turns a page.)

JACK: My birth certificate?

(Close shot of the album in Jack's hands. He puts his thumb next to a footprint.)

JACK (V/O): Look at the tiny little footprints.

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at the album.)

JACK: Huh - they're smaller than my thumbs. (Smiles.)

(Jack chuckles and smiles toward Karen as he tilts the album toward her.)

(Shot past Michael of Karen looking at the album.)

JACK (V/O): See?

(Karen looks at Jack off-screen and smiles slightly, then looks at the album again.)

And that's when it happened.

(Shot of Jack and Norma smiling at Karen off-screen.)

For the first time...

(Jack looks toward Kevin off-screen.)

That night, you could feel something between us.

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin as Norma turns another page.)

Something real.

NORMA: Here you are...

(Shot of all looking toward the album.)

NORMA: At your college graduation. (Points.) And here you are, leaving for Korea.

(She puts her hand on Jack's chest, and looks at Karen.)

NORMA: Isn't he handsome in his uniform? (Points.)

(Shot past Michael of Karen smiling and looking at the album as Norma turns another page and giggles.)

(Shot of the album page which has a black-and-white photo of Jack and Norma. She is pregnant.)

NORMA (V/O): Oh, look at me...(laughs)...I'm as big as a house.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling and glancing at Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): That was a week before Karen was born.

(Close shot of Jack and Norma.)

NORMA: You remember what you said to me when I called you from the hospital?

JACK: Yeah.

(Close shot of Karen looking toward Jack off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): I remember.

(Close shot of Jack and Norma.)

JACK: I said, "I hope it's a girl."

(Jack looks toward Karen off-screen. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)

(Close shot of Karen smiling at Jack off-screen, then looking at the album.)

In that moment...

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin as Jack turns a page.)

Almost from out of nowhere...we were drawn together again.

(Wide shot of all.)

JACK: Oh...here's the whole family. (Smiles.)

(Jack chuckles and looks at Kevin.)

JACK: That was a long time ago, huh? (Smiles.)

(Jack tilts the album toward Karen and Wayne.)

It was the family we remembered. The family we loved. The family we'd once been.

(Shot past Michael of Karen looking down.)

KAREN: Here. Open mine next, Daddy.

(She hands a red-wrapped present to Jack.)

JACK (V/O): Oh...

(Shot of Jack and Norma as he holds the package, flips a small latch, and opens it. Norma looks surprised.)

JACK: A ratchet set! (Smiles.)

(He looks toward Karen off-screen.)

(Shot past Michael and the ratchet set of Karen smiling at Jack off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): I could really use this.

KAREN: I'm glad. (Smiles.)

(Michael turns toward Kevin off-screen and smiles.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin.)

JACK: Thank you!

(Wide shot of all as Karen reaches across the table and puts her hand on Michael's.)

KAREN: It was Michael's idea. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at the ratchet set.)

Guess you say it was kind of the high point...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

Of the evening.

(Shot of Jack and Norma looking at the ratchet set. Jack flips the lid closed.)

JACK: Thanks.

(Shot past Michael and the ratchet set of Karen looking at Jack off-screen as he sets it down.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack, Michael and Kevin as Jack frowns and rubs his ear.)

(Shot past Michael of Karen looking at Jack off-screen.)

KAREN: Well, gee, Dad - don't get all choked up about it. (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Jack and Norma. Norma is looking down as Jack looks at Karen off-screen.)

JACK: I said "thank you".

(Shot past Michael of Karen looking at Norma off-screen.)

KAREN: Did you see what he just did? (Gestures.) Mom, did you just see?

(Close shot of Jack and Norma. Jack is looking down and Norma looks at Karen off-screen.)

NORMA: Honey...(Frowns.)

(Close shot of Michael looking at Karen off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Come on, Karen, give the guy a break - it's his birthday.

(Close shot of Jack and Norma looking at Michael off-screen.)

JACK: Hey, when I need your help, I'll ask for it.

(Close shot of Michael looking at Jack off-screen.)

MICHAEL: Look, I was just trying to ease the -

(Close shot of Jack and Norma looking at Michael off-screen.)

JACK: You've done enough, dammit. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Karen as she stands up.)

KAREN: That's it.

(She tosses her napkin down.)

KAREN: I'm leaving.

NORMA (V/O): Karen!

(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen.)

KAREN (V/O): You know...

(Shot of Karen looking at Jack off-screen and gesturing.)

KAREN: I-I don't know why I thought tonight would be any different. (Frowns.)

(She reaches for her purse and looks at Michael off-screen.)

KAREN: Come on, Michael - we're out of here.

(Shot of Kevin, Michael, Jack and Norma as Jack scoots his chair back and stands up.)

JACK: No. You're not out of here.

(He tosses his napkin down.)

JACK: We're out of here. (Frowns.)

(He looks off-screen as he reaches for his wallet.)

JACK: Where's the check? (Frowns.)

(Close shot past Jack's wallet of Kevin glancing over his shoulder, then looking at Jack.)

It was horrible.

(Kevin glances over his shoulder again as Jack thumbs through his wallet.)

KEVIN: No, wait a minute, Dad - I was gonna pay...

(Jack tosses some bills down.)

(Shot of Kevin, Michael, Jack and Norma as Jack walks off.)

NORMA: Jack? Please...

(Karen walks behind Norma and taps Michael on the shoulder. Michael stands up and follows Karen off-screen. Wayne holds up Kevin's roll as Norma gathers Jack's presents.)

WAYNE: Ya gonna eat this?

(Close shot of Kevin looking off, then down.)

Fade to

Ext. Night - Arnold House

(High wide shot of the house as some piano music plays throughout. The camera lowers slowly.)

Fade to

Int. Night - Jack and Norma's Bedroom

(Shot across the bed of Norma dressed in a nightgown, as she turns back the covers and fluffs a pillow, frowning slightly.)

Fade to

Int. Night - Wayne's Bedroom

(Close shot of Wayne lying on his back on the bed. The camera moves around slightly as Wayne looks toward the TV, which shows a referee trying to separate a few female roller-derby players.)

Fade to

Int. Night - Living Room

(Shot of Kevin sitting on the couch, looking at the open photo album. The camera moves in slowly.)

That night I sat and looked at old photos of my dad. The things he'd done.

(Kevin turns a page slowly.)

His life and times.

(Kevin flips up a small greeting card.)

Maybe I was searching for some way to make things better.

(Kevin looks at the album.)

But somehow I knew...

Fade to

Int. Night - Kitchen

(Shot of Jack sitting at the table, as he takes a sip from his coffee cup and looks down.)

It wasn't up to me to set this right.

Cut to

Int. Night - Living Room

(Shot of Kevin sitting on the couch, looking at the open photo album. At the sound of a motorcycle, Kevin closes the album, stands up, and walks past the camera.)

(Shot of the dining room doorway as Kevin approaches and pauses. Sound of knocking.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack opening the kitchen door. Karen looks in.)

KAREN: Hi.

(Jack sighs.)

KAREN: Daddy, can we talk?

(Shot of Kevin in the doorway, looking at them off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): I think I'd like that.

(Shot of Jack and Karen as Jack nods directionally.)

JACK: You comin' in?

KAREN: I-I can't stay.

(Jack nods slightly.)

JACK: I know.

(He looks down.)

KAREN: Not for long, anyway.

(Karen steps inside, looking down. They look at each other and smile slightly.)

(Shot of Kevin in the doorway, looking at them off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): I know.

(Shot of Jack and Karen looking at each other.)

KAREN: Only, where to begin. (Smiles.)

I couldn't hear exactly what they said. But watching them...

(They look down.)

(Shot of Kevin in the doorway, looking at them off-screen.)

I finally knew what my father needed for his birthday.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack and Karen.)

Not a funny tie, or a forty-seven dollar meal...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

Or even a ratchet set. What he needed was...

(Shot of Jack and Karen looking at each other.)

KAREN: Happy birthday.

(They hug.)

Was to know, deep down...

Fade to

Ext. Day - Arnold Back Yard

(Home movie clip of Karen hugging Jack around the neck as he adjusts a cardboard crown on his head, then kisses Karen on the cheek.)

That she remembered what he remembered.

(The camera circles around all the Arnold's sitting on the grass.)

And to feel...even for that briefest moment...

(The camera moves in slightly on Jack and Karen as they look at the camera. Jack points to himself and smiles.)

Like king for a day.

(Jack kisses Karen on the cheek, and she kisses him back.)

Fade to

CLOSING CREDITS

Supporting Cast
Michael - David Schwimmer

Music
"Happy Birthday"



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3/13/05 09:35