Ep 27 - "Mom Wars"

Opening Sequence

(Music "Your Mother Should Know" starts and plays through clips from "home movies".)

(Jack helps young Kevin bring Norma breakfast in bed.)

When you're a little boy, you don't have to go very far to find the center of your universe.

(Clip as Jack lifts young Kevin onto the bed, and Norma hugs and kisses him.)


(Clip of Norma eating a cracker at a barbeque, and smiling.)

She's always there.

(Clip of little Kevin standing in a pool, pouting and holding out his finger. Norma kisses it and smiles.)

It's a pretty good arrangement - when you're five. But around age thirteen, there starts to be...

Fade to

Arnold Hallway

(Shot of the closed bathroom door.)

A problem.

(Norma approaches and knocks on the bathroom door.)

NORMA: Kevin?

KEVIN (V/O): Mom, I'm in the bathroom!

The problem is...she's always there.

NORMA: Is everything OK, honey?

KEVIN (V/O): Mom!

And I mean always.

NORMA: Just checking! (Smiles.)

(Norma exits past the camera.)

Now a mom has to be a mom, but a guy's gotta be a guy.

(Kevin opens the door and looks out. His hair is wet, and he has a towel around his neck.)

And when an irresistible force meets an immovable object...

(Kevin leans back on the door-jamb.)

Sooner or later - something's gotta give.

KEVIN: (V/O): Hike!

Cut to

Ext. Day - The park

(Shot of guys colliding at the line-of-scrimmage of a football game. Kevin is the quarterback.)

No-equipment football.

(Kevin laterals the ball to Paul.)

We'd been playing it in Shepard's Park every afternoon, since the cool weather set in.

(Shot of kids rushing toward the camera.)

Sure, maybe it looked like mayhem and violence.

(Shot of Paul hesitating, then tossing the football up and covering his head.)

But to us, it was something more.

(Doug Porter recovers the football.)

DOUG: I got it!

(He starts to run with the ball.)

KEVIN: Get 'em!

(Doug gets tackled.)

It was mayhem, violence, and dirt.

(More kids pile on.)

The stuff laundry commercials are made of.

(Kevin jumps up with the ball.)

KEVIN: I got it!

(Paul jumps up.)

PAUL: Alright!

(Shot of Hobson and some team-mates.)

HOBSON: Hey, Pfeiffer? How many sweatshirts you wearin'?

(Paul looks at Hobson off-screen.)

PAUL: Hey, I need 'em, OK?

(Paul turns to Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: That wind really cuts through you like a knife.

(Shot of Hobson smiling, and tapping a team-mate.)

(Shot of Kevin smiling, and Randy looking at Doug off-screen.)

Sure it was reckless. But nobody got hurt.

RANDY: Doug?

(Shot of Doug lying face-up, his arms across his stomach.)


KEVIN: Is he breathing?

BOY: I think so.

RANDY: Are you breathing, Doug?

(Shot of Doug still lying down. He coughs.)

PAUL (V/O): I think he's hurt!

(Close shot of Paul gesturing.)

PAUL: Maybe we should stop!

(Shot of Hobson and team-mates.)

HOBSON: Nah...He just got the wind knocked out of him - he's alright.

(Shot of Doug.)

DOUG: Yeah, I'm awright...

(Doug starts to rise.)

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Oh...good.

(Wider shot of Hobson helping Doug get up.)

HOBSON: Hey, Arnold - we want revenge! Next play's gonna be a blitz.

(Close shot of Paul frowning.)

KEVIN (V/O): Fine!

(Shot of Kevin looking at his team-mates.)

KEVIN: Come, on - let's huddle.

(Wide shot of the boys moving off to huddle, as Paul lingers.)

PAUL: Um, Kev...(gestures)...I'm gonna go get another sweatshirt.

(Paul trots off.)

(Shot of Kevin diagramming the play on his chest to teammates.)

It was a game you had to love.

KEVIN: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh - break!

(Kevin's team-mates clap, and line up for the play.)

No rules - no referees.

KEVIN: Come on, guys...Blue-26!

(Shot down the line-of-scrimmage as Hobson gets set.)

KEVIN (V/O): Blue-26!

No one to answer to.

(The ball is snapped, and Kevin back-pedals.)

A thing of beauty.

(Kevin throws a pass.)

Then, maybe, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Cut to

Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of Norma looking concerned.)

NORMA: Kevin, is that blood on your shirt?

(Shot of Kevin setting the table. He looks surprised, then glances at the red stain on his shirt.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Kevin sets out more silverware.)

Not that I had anything to hide, of course. It's just that...

(Close shot of Norma at the sink.)

Well, you know how moms are.

(Wider shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I don't think so, uh...it's ketchup.

(Shot of Norma at the sink.)

NORMA: Ketchup?

(Norma slaps a hamburger patty between her hands, as Karen enters in the background.)

(Shot of Kevin still setting the table.)

KEVIN: Yeah.

(Shot of Norma and Karen.)

KAREN: How'd you get that blood on your shirt?

(Shot of Kevin as Karen sits at the table.)

KEVIN: It's not blood!

Not mine, anyway.

KEVIN: It's ketchup, OK?

(Close shot of Norma.)

NORMA: Well how'd you get the ketchup on your shirt?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: At lunch today. We had fish sticks.

(Shot of Norma crossing to the refrigerator.)

Sure, that's it - fish sticks.

NORMA: Well, that's odd.

(Norma points at the school lunch menu on the refrigerator.)

NORMA: It says here that Tuesday's pizza day at school.

(Close shot of Kevin glancing away.)

Boy! Nothin' slipped past this woman.

KEVIN: Did I say fish sticks? I'm sorry - fish sticks was yesterday. This is, uh, pizza sauce.

(Shot of Norma at the refrigerator.)


There! Neatly done, thereby avoiding any needless discussions about -

(Shot of Kevin looking toward Norma.)

(Shot of Wayne entering behind Norma.)

WAYNE: So I heard, uh, Doug Porter got creamed at your football game today, huh?

(Close shot of Norma turning toward Wayne off-screen.)

NORMA: Football?

(Norma turns toward Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: Is that tackle football?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

Great...now the fat was in the fire.

(Shot of Norma approaching the frying pan.)

Commence grilling.

(Close shot of the frying pan as Norma slaps a hamburger patty down.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, Mom, you know...it's not, it's not really tackle.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: Who are you playing tackle football with?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Just some friends.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: At school?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: At the park.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: You have a coach?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: A coach?

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: Well, don't you think something like that should be supervised?

(Shot of the hamburger patties as Norma smashes them with a spatula.)

(Close shot of Kevin sighing.)

(Shot of Karen and Kevin.)

KAREN: Football is totally barbaric.

(Kevin looks at Karen.)

This discussion was moving in the wrong direction. I had to take action.

(Shot of Norma.)

And fast.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Look, Mom, there's nothing to worry about, OK?

(Shot of Norma at the frying pan.)

KEVIN (V/O): It's no big deal.

(Sound of sizzling hamburgers as Norma gives Kevin a worried look.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Trust me!

(Shot of Norma smiling.)

NORMA: Of course I trust you, honey. I just don't want anyone to get injured.

(Shot of Kevin laughing, then smiling at Karen.)

KEVIN: Huh, injured.

(Karen looks at Kevin. Kevin frowns, then looks toward Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: No one's going to get injured, Mom.

(Shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

GUYS (V/O): Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Cut to

The Park

(Randy is running back a kick-off, and gets gang tackled.)

(Shot of Paul and Kevin running up and looking at Randy off-screen.)

At least not permanently.

KEVIN: Jeez, Paul! Where were ya? I told ya I was gonna lateral it to you!

PAUL: Well, I tripped. This is a very poor playing surface.

KEVIN: Hey, Randy - you OK?

(Shot of Randy still on the ground.)

RANDY: Yeah...

(Shot of Paul looking over his shoulder.)

PAUL: Hey, Kev - isn't that your mom's car?

(Shot of Kevin turning.)

(Shot of Norma driving by.)

(Shot of Kevin watching the car off-screen.)

KEVIN: Yeah...

(Shot of Norma driving by.)

Funny. She'd never driven by here before.

(Hobson stuffs the ball in Kevin's chest.)

HOBSON: OK. Your ball. First-and-ten.

(Shot of the car heading away.)

Still, Mom would never spy on me. So she probably had...some other reason.

Cut to

Science Class

(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)

MR. CANTWELL: Instinct - the biological imperative.

(Shot of Paul and Kevin at a table, with Mr. Cantwell and the projector in the background.)

(Shot of the movie screen.)

MR. CANTWELL (V/O): What makes this salmon fight her way through hostile currents, only to lay her eggs and die, her energy spent?

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

PAUL: Maybe she was picking up your dad's dry-cleaning.

(Close shot of Kevin.)


(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Your mom.

(Shot of Kevin.)

(Shot of Mr. Cantwell.)

MR. CANTWELL: This courageous mallard, facing certain annihilation...

(Shot of the movie screen.)

MR. CANTWELL (V/O): Defends her young against a venomous predator.

(Shot of Paul and Kevin.)

PAUL: I just hope she doesn't talk to my mom.

KEVIN: Look, Paul...it's no big deal, OK?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

At least I hoped not.

(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)

MR. CANTWELL: Ever vigilant of our harsh and murderous environment...

(Shot of the movie screen.)

MR. CANTWELL (V/O): A cougar drags her cub to safety.

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: OK, but if you think we should stop playing...

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Hey! It was just a suggestion.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Look, we're not doing anything wrong, OK? (Gestures.)

(Wider shot of both.)

PAUL: I just hate to think what my mom would do to me if she found out.

KEVIN: What are you so afraid of?

MR. CANTWELL (V/O): Of course, there are cases of instinct gone berserk.

(Shot of the movie screen. A seagull sits on her young and squishes it.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking worried.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - Outside school

(Doug, Paul, Kevin and Hobson are just outside the building, walking toward the camera.)

And then...

(Sound of a car horn.)

PAUL: Hey, Kev - it's your mom.

(Paul waves.)

(Shot of Norma in the car, waving.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

Wait a minute. This was starting to get embarrassing.

KEVIN: Look, I'll be right back, OK?

HOBSON: You're coming with us...? (Gestures.)

KEVIN: Yeah, yeah, I'll just be back in a minute.

(Closer shot of the car as Kevin runs up to the passenger window.)

NORMA: Hop in.


NORMA: I'm gonna take you shopping.

KEVIN: Shopping?

NORMA: Yeah - there's a sale over at Boy's Town.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning. Sound of a fire-alarm.)

And suddenly I was hearing alarm bells.

KEVIN: Look, uh, Mom, I'm gonna take the bus today.

(Kevin looks toward his friends.)

KEVIN: See - the guys are waitin'.

(Close shot of Norma.)

NORMA: I think you need new pants.

(Shot of Kevin looking at his friends again, then back.)

KEVIN: Uh, look. Mom, the pants I have are fine, OK? I-I don't need new pants! They fit great, they're stylish...(smiles)...I just don't need new pants. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Norma. She smiles.)

There - phew! I was finally gettin' through.

NORMA: I think you need new pants.

Cut to

Int. Afternoon - "Boy's Town"

(Music "Nowhere to Run" - Martha and the Vandellas plays through the scene.)

(Norma hands a stack of pants to Kevin.)

(Several shots of Kevin in the dressing room, trying on different pants.)

Boy, tell one lousy little fib about pizza on your shirt, and what do you get?

(Shot from inside the dressing room of more pairs of pants being hung over the door.)


(Shot of Kevin emerging from the dressing room, pausing, and spreading his arms.)

(Shot of Norma frowning and shaking her head at Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Kevin in the dressing room, hopping around, pulling on new pants.)

Still, if that's what Mom needed to square accounts, it was fine with me.

(Shot of Norma smiling and approaching the camera with more pants.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking exhausted. He turns back toward the dressing-room behind him.)

I could take it.

(Shot of more pairs of pants being hung over the dressing-room door.)

(Wide shot of the salesman waiting next to the dressing-room door as Kevin bursts out and steps onto the stand.)

SALESMAN: How do they fit?

KEVIN: Fine - we'll take 'em.

(Norma approaches tentatively.)

NORMA: I'm not so sure.

(Norma squats down next to Kevin.)

(Close shot of Norma adjusting the pant legs.)

NORMA: They seem seem awefully roomy in the crotch.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning and looking around.)

Gee, Mom - could you say it a little louder?! I'm not sure everyone in the store heard.

(Wider shot of the three of them.)

P.A.: "Attention shoppers!"

(Kevin looks toward the ceiling as Norma continues to adjust the pants.)

P.A.: "Attention shoppers. Plenty of room in Kevin Arnold's crotch!"

NORMA (V/O): There!

Cut to

In the car

(Shot of Norma smiling.)

NORMA: That wasn't so bad, was it?

(Shot of Kevin looking upset as he slowly looks at Norma.)

Pure...living...hell. But I'd survived.

(Shot of Norma smiling as she drives.)

The debt was paid, mom was happy...

(Shot of Kevin looking off.)

And tomorrow was a whole new ballgame.

(Shot of Kevin in the foreground, Norma in the background.)

(Norma looks at her watch and frowns.)

NORMA: Oh, I guess it's too late.

KEVIN: For what?

(Close shot of Norma smiling at Kevin.)

NORMA: Buster Brown's.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

(Shot of Norma.)

NORMA: You're gonna need shoes to go with all those new pants. We'll just have to go tomorrow. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And then in a flash, everything was horribly clear.

(Shot of Norma driving.)

Mom was gonna take me shopping in the afternoon - for the rest of my life.

(Shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: Look, Mom, I have a football game tomorrow!

(Shot of Norma glancing at Kevin.)

NORMA: Yeah, well, we can talk about that later.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

Uh-uh! We were gonna have this out right here!

(Shot through the windshield of the traffic-light turning red.)

Right -

(Norma looks out and gasps.)

(Shot of screeching tires and smoke.)

(Shot of Norma holding Kevin back in his seat.)

(Close shot of Norma.)

NORMA: Honey? Are you OK?

(Shot of Kevin.)

It's a tough time in life when you're struggling for manhood and your mother still outweighs you by fifty pounds.

(Shot of Kevin and Norma as she brushes his hair with her hand.)

(Shot of Kevin rubbing his chest and frowning.)

I was left with only one option.

Cut to

Arnold kitchen

(Shot of the door as Jack enters after work, jacket over his shoulder and carrying his briefcase.)

Call in the heavy artillery.

(Kevin steps in front of Jack.)


(Shot of Kevin's hand on the counter.)

(The camera pans up to Jack.)

KEVIN (V/O): We've gotta talk!

(Close shot of Jack frowning.)

JACK: Huh?

(Shot of Kevin looking up at Jack off-screen.)

No one had ever actually spoken to my father before he put down his briefcase.

(Close shot of Jack frowning.)

But I was going for broke.

(Shot of Kevin pointing his finger.)

KEVIN: Can you think of one good reason why I shouldn't be able to play football with the other guys?

(Shot of Jack.)

KEVIN: I mean I bet you played football without any equipment when you were a little kid and I've been playing for a very long time now...(glances at Norma)...and nothing's ever really happened...

(Shot of Jack listening patiently.)

KEVIN: And the guys are really counting on me to play tonight.

(Close shot of Jack. He nods slightly.)

JACK: So...

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: So, can we play or not?!

(Close shot of Jack. He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows.)

JACK: Sure! Go ahead.

(Jack walks toward the kitchen. Kevin smiles.)


(Shot of Jack pausing in front of Norma as she hands a drink to him.)

NORMA: I don't think it's a good idea, Jack.

(Jack walks toward the living room, holding his finger out.)

JACK: You heard your mother.

(Close shot of Kevin as his smile turns into a frown.)

(Shot of Norma turning to the sink, as Jack rounds the corner to the living room.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning as he sits down.)

OK. That did it!

(Shot of Norma, as she approaches with a plate of cookies.)

NORMA: So...(smiles)...I'll pick you up from school tomorrow, and we'll go for those shoes! (Smiles.)

(Shot of Norma setting the cookies on the table next to Kevin.)

The lines were drawn. The course was unalterable.

NORMA: OK, honey?

(Norma walks past the camera to the kitchen.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

This was war.

(Sound of a bugle blowing.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - School

(Shot of the front of the school, and a bus at the curb.)

Cut to

Shop Class

(Shot of Hobson turning toward Kevin off-screen, smiling, and lowering his goggles.)

HOBSON: Hey, Arnold! Nice pants.

(Shot of Kevin standing near the wood bin. He is wearing irregularly-striped new pants. Paul approaches behind him.)

KEVIN: Oh, thanks "Hodges"...nice of you to notice.

PAUL: You missed a good game yesterday.

(Hobson approaches.)

HOBSON: Yeah! Paul set a new record - most dropped passes in a scrimmage.

(Close shot of Paul smiling at Kevin.)

(Close shot of Hobson.)

HOBSON: Where were you, anyway?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Oh, uh...

(Kevin glances at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: I had to help my...dad...change the plugs on the, uh, Impala.

(Shot of Hobson.)

(Shot of Kevin glancing at Paul, then Hobson.)

KEVIN: You know, you got to keep her runnin'.

I didn't think "bargain-hunting with mom" would go over very well.

HOBSON: Yeah? Uh, you check all the gaps?

KEVIN: Uh...yeah!

PAUL: Well how'd you get your fingernails so clean? You know, usually it takes me a couple days -

KEVIN: So, you guys win?

PAUL: Oh, no - we lost. We coulda used you, too! Jimmy's mom wouldn't let him play.

HOBSON: Can you believe that?!

KEVIN: What a wuss.

HOBSON: You'll be there tonight, though - won't ya?

KEVIN: Oh, sure!

HOBSON: Alright! Well...

(Hobson picks up a big splinter of wood.)

HOBSON: This'll do.

(Hobson puts the splinter in his mouth as a toothpick, and exits.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

PAUL: Did you use the Lava or the -

KEVIN: Look, Paul! I gotta get back to work, OK?

(Paul picks up a piece of wood.)

PAUL: Time to meet your maker. (Exits.)

Well, that was it - decision time. Mom has specifically given me an order - meet her in front of the school at the bell.

(Kevin smiles and looks off.)

Or had she said "meet me at home"?

Cut to

Arnold Kitchen

KEVIN (V/O): Mom?!

(Kevin enters, and looks around "expectantly".)

KEVIN: Mom, I'm home?! Hey, Mom?!

Hmmm. That's odd.

(Kevin takes a few steps into the kitchen.)

KEVIN: Anybody home?!

Not like mom to forget, but hey - we all make mistakes.

Fade to

Ext. Day - Arnold Driveway

(Shot through the kitchen door window as Kevin approaches the camera.)

Yep, no sense in laying blame.

(Kevin opens the door, steps outside, and glances around.)

Especially while there was still daylight left.

(He gets on his bike and rides off.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - The park

(Wide shot of Kevin tossing the football to Hobson as Paul approaches.)

(Close shot of Hobson and Paul.)

HOBSON: Pfeiffer - you're late!

PAUL: Am I? Well, you guys didn't start without me, did you?

(Shot of Kevin looking on.)

(Shot of Hobson and Paul.)

HOBSON: Of course! Wouldn't be a big-league game without you.

(Shot of Kevin laughing.)

(Shot of Hobson and Paul.)

Guys. Humiliating each other, hurting each other's feelings. Did it get any better than this?

(Shot of Kevin smiling.)

(Sound of a car-horn.)

(Wide shot of Norma pulling up and parking the car.)

(Closer shot of Norma in the car.)

(Shot of Kevin looking toward the car off-screen.)

(Shot of Norma stepping out.)

Uh-oh - caught red-handed!

(Shot of Hobson smiling and shaking his head.)

There was only one thing to do.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

Go on the offensive.

(Wide shot of the guys as Kevin runs toward Norma.)

HOBSON: Kev-in...!

(Kevin glances at Hobson and continues.)

(Shot of Norma approaching the camera.)

(Shot of Kevin running up to Norma.)


NORMA: Kevin? (Gestures) What are you doing here?

KEVIN: Well -

NORMA: I specifically told you to meet me in front of your school at three o'clock.

KEVIN: I forgot.

NORMA: You forgot?!

KEVIN: Yeah.

NORMA: How could you just forget, Kevin? (Gestures.)

KEVIN: Well, I thought you said meet me in front of the house after school.

NORMA: That's really what you thought I said?

KEVIN: Well, I'm not exactly sure whether you said that or not.

(Shot of Norma looking skeptical.)

Ah, heck! The woman knew what underwear I was wearing.

(Shot of Kevin.)

Why did I even try to fight it?

(Shot of Norma and Kevin.)

NORMA: Well, I suppose we still have time to make it to the store -

(Norma turns toward the car.)

KEVIN: No! I'm not coming, Mom.

(Norma turns around.)

NORMA: What?!

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I'm playing football.

(Shot of Norma and Kevin.)

NORMA: Now, I thought we agreed you weren't going to play anymore.

KEVIN: No, I never said that, Mom!

(Norma looks toward the guys off-screen.)

KEVIN: What do you have against football, anyway?

NORMA: You know, Doug Porter shouldn't be playing football - he has bladder problems.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Bladder problems?!

(Shot of Norma looking at Kevin.)

How did she know that?!

(Shot of Kevin glancing off and frowning.)

Was there a secret network of mom's who traded inside information about bladders over bridge tables and grocery carts?

(Shot of Norma as she steps toward Kevin.)

NORMA: I just worry about you, sweetheart.

(Shot of Kevin as she smoothes his hair. He brushes her hand away.)

(Shot of Norma giving Kevin a cold stare.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Don't you have anything better to do, Mom? I mean, just stop babying me! I can take care of myself.

(Shot of Norma. Long pause as she hesitates.)

NORMA: Well if you're going to go...go.

(Norma nods toward the field.)

(Long pause.)

(Shot of Kevin as he glances off and sighs.)

(Shot of Norma walking back to the car.)

(Shot of Kevin watching her pull away, then running back to the guys.)

Then I was free.

(Close shot of Kevin jumping and catching the ball.)

I was higher than a kite. I was unstoppable.

(Kevin runs with the ball, being chased by the others.)

KEVIN: Touchdown!

(Close shot of Kevin turning around and celebating.)

KEVIN: Whoo-oo!

(Hobson approaches.)

HOBSON: OK - new game!

DOUG (V/O): Hey, it's gettin' kinda late...

(Wider shot of Paul and Kevin.)

PAUL: Yeah, i-i-it's getting cold. Is anyone cold?

(Close shot of Hobson.)

HOBSON: Arnold?

(Close shot of Kevin looking from Paul to Hobson.)

KEVIN: New game! Losers walk.

HOBSON: Let's go!

(Shot of Hobson, Jeff, and team-mates walking toward the camera.)

PAUL: Hey, Kev - you think this is a good idea?

KEVIN: Oh, come on, Paul.

(Kevin taps Paul in the stomach.)

KEVIN: Don't be such a wuss.

(Close shot of Paul frowning.)

Woops - maybe that was a little rough.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Hey, sorry - I didn't mean that.

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: It's OK.

(They get set to return the kick-off.)

But heck - let's face it. I was feeling my oats.

(Shot of Hobson in the distance, ready to "throw" the kick-off.)

HOBSON: Are you ready?!!

(Wide shot of Kevin's team.)

Yep, I'd fought a battle, and I'd won.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

Things were gonna be different from now on.

(Shot of Hobson throwing the "kick-off".)

(Wider shot of the kids running forward.)

(Shot of Kevin returning the kick-off.)

Yeah, things were gonna be alright.

(Kevin runs forward.)

(Shot of Hobson and other running toward the camera.)

And then it hit me.

(Slow-motion shot as Kevin gets hit by Hobson.)

Actually, Craig Hobson hit me.

(Slow-motion shot of Kevin falling and getting hit by Randy.)

Then Randy Mitchell.

(Slow-motion shot of Kevin on the ground as more kids land on him.)

And Mike Donovan. After that, I kinda stopped taking names.

(Normal shot of Hobson rising and smiling.)

HOBSON: Man! That was amazing!

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Come on, guys - get off! Kevin?

(Shot of Kevin as he rolls onto his back.)

PAUL: You're bleeding!

(Close shot of Hobson.)

HOBSON: OK, your ball. First down.

(Shot of Paul standing up quickly and gesturing.)

PAUL: OK - alright! This game is over!

HOBSON: Says who?

PAUL: Says me! This game is called on account of darkness. And that's all, there's nothing else to say.

(Shot of Doug and another kid looking on.)

PAUL: Now everyone just go home! Go on!

(Shot of Kevin flexing his hand. He has a good-sized wound in his palm.)

(Shot of Randy and guys.)

RANDY: He's probably right - it's gettin' late.

(Doug turns away.)

DOUG: Yeah, I got dinner.

RANDY: We'll do it again tomorrow.

(Close shot of Hobson frowning at Paul.)

HOBSON: What are you - his mother?!

(Shot of Kevin leaning back on his elbows and starting to rise.)

KEVIN: Hey, wait a minute. Hey, I'm alright, guys! Where are you going? I'm -

(He looks at his hand.)

KEVIN: Fine...

Fade to

Ext. Evening - Kevin's Sidewalk

(Kevin is walking his bike up the sidewalk.)

But I wasn't - not really. By the time I got home, my hand felt like a five-alarm fire.

(Kevin slowly walks his bike up the driveway. He pauses and looks toward the kitchen window.)

(Shot through the window of Norma at the sink, looking down.)

(Shot up the driveway as Kevin slowly walks his bike around the corner of the house.)

Cut to

Int. Evening - Kitchen

(Norma is at the sink, peeling potatoes (?)

(Shot of Kevin entering.)

(Shot of Norma looking up.)

(Shot of Kevin pausing.)

(Shot of Norma looking concerned.)

NORMA: Kevin, are you hurt?!

(Shot of Kevin.)

I wanted to answer "yes", that I was hurt. That I needed comfort.

KEVIN: No, Mom. I'm OK.

(Shot of Norma.)

And I knew she wanted to comfort me - make everything better.

(Close shot of Kevin looking on.)

NORMA: Well there's some iodine in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

(Shot of Kevin.)

(Shot of Norma gesturing.)

NORMA: Gauze, if you need something to wrap it in.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: In the medicine cabinet?

(Shot of Norma. She pauses, then nods.)

NORMA: Mm-hmmm.

(She smiles briefly.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down, then at Norma off-screen.)

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen for a few moments.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen, then his hand. He looks at Norma again, then glances off and sighs.)

(Shot of Norma smiling slightly as Kevin walks past her. Norma looks down and squeezes her towel, then turns toward the sink.)

(Fade to shot of Kevin wrapping gauze around his hand. Norma is breading chicken at the counter in the background.)

Every war has its casualties, and every victory its price. But life goes on.

(Kevin inspects his bandaged hand and flexes it.)

Nothing really changed that night - nothing big, anyway. Just a very little piece of something that was never gonna be the same.

(Kevin glances over his shoulder at Norma.)

Not ever.

(Kevin turns forward, looks over the gauze and iodine, and blows out some air.)

The thing is, it's hard to tie a bandage with just one hand.

(Norma looks at Kevin, then back.)

Sooner or later, though...

(Kevin stands up and quickly glances at Norma.)

You learn.

(Kevin walks out of the shot. Norma continues at the counter in the background.)

Fade to

"Home movie" Clips

("The Circle Game" - Joni Mitchell starts.)

(Clip of Norma with Kevie as a toddler in the kitchen. He takes a step and falls on his butt. Norma holds him and smiles.)


(Another clip of Kevie grabbing a ball rolled across the kitchen floor. Norma smiles and claps.)

"A child came out to wonder"

(Clip of Norma and a small Kevin in her arms on the couch. Another shot as the camera moves in.)

"Caught a dragonfly inside a jar"

(Jack napping next to Norma. Norma is holding Kevin, and "shhh's" the camera.)


(Clip of Norma tossing Kevie a football.)

"When the sky was full of thunder"

(She runs toward him with her arms out-stretched, smiling. Kevie throws up the football and Norma tackles him.)

"And tearful at the falling of a star"

(Clip of Norma launching Kevie on his bike.)

"And the seasons they go round and round"

(The camera pans with Kevie as he rides way down the sidewalk.)

"And the painted ponies go up and down"

(The camera quickly pans to Norma smiling and waving as she says something.)

"We're captive on the carousel of time"

(The camera quickly pans back to Kevie in the distance.)

"We can't return"

(Close shot of Norma watching him off-screen.)

"We can only look behind"

(The camera quickly pans to Kevie, then zooms in as he peddles away.)

"From where we came"
"And go round and round and round"
"In the circle game"

Fade to


Supporting Cast
Craig Hobson - Sean Baca
Randy Mitchell - Michael Tricario
Doug Porter - Brandon Crane

"The Circle Game" - Joni Mitchell

Next Episode
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
01/01/05 15:15