Episode 14 - "Hiroshima, Mon Frere"
OPENING SEQUENCE
Ext. Night - Arnold House
(Shot of the house and front yard. Sound of crickets.)
Sometimes...when you're a kid...
Fade to
Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom
(Close shot of Kevin lying in bed awake, looking toward the ceiling.)
You lie awake at night and ponder the kinds of questions that grownups have long since stopped asking. Questions like - What did it feel like to be dead? Are time and space really infinite? What was there before the universe began?
(Sound of Wayne snoring. Kevin looks at Wayne off-screen.)
(Wide shot past Wayne of Kevin.)
Why are there people like Wayne?
(Wayne snorts and tosses in his sleep.)
WAYNE: Butthead!
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
I could never figure it out.
(Kevin gets up on one elbow.)
Even in his sleep, my brother seemed to hate my guts. I guess he'd just never forgiven me for something I did to him very early in life.
(Fade to clips.)
(Clip of Norma smiling as she carries baby Kevin toward the camera.)
I'd been born.
(Clip of Norma holding Kevin, with Wayne and Karen next to her.)
(Clip of a young Wayne playing with a toy car in the kitchen, and rolls it into a large carton.)
Then, to make things worse, I stayed.
(Little Kevie walks in, and crawls into the box. Wayne closes up the box.)
(Clip of a family barbeque. Wayne holds up a hotdog, then stuffs it in Kevin's mouth.)
Not that the Wayner didn't try to adjust.
(Clips of Wayne and Kevin playing football in the front yard.)
In fact, our relationship eventually settled into a fairly stable pattern.
(Wayne grabs Kevin and starts hitting his shoulder.)
(Different clips of Wayne pounding Kevin's shoulder.)
I always imagined things would pretty much always be that way.
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as old men, sitting on a park bench and scuffling.)
(Clips fade.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
But I guess no matter how much your brother hates your guts, and no matter how much you hate his...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne snoring in bed.)
There's always something you hold back.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
There are things you could use against him that you don't use.
(Kevin is looking at Wayne in bed.)
No matter how much you hate your brother's guts...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne.)
You don't really want to hurt him.
(Wayne opens his eyes and looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne.)
WAYNE: What are you looking at?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
Until, one day...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne as he grabs a pillow.)
Things go too far.
(Wayne throws the pillow at the camera.)
(Clip of a nuclear explosion.)
FILM (V/O): And on that day of reckoning, the spear hurled with a grunt to the dawn of man, lands at midnight, with a flash of light, and a mushroom cloud.
Cut to
Science class
(Shot of Kevin and Paul at a table. Mr. Cantwell is at the projector in the background.)
(Closer shot of Mr. Cantwell as he walks forward.)
MR. CANTWELL: And so we conclude Section 7 of "Our Dying Planet". Any questions?
(Shot of Kevin and Paul at the table, as Mr. Cantwell looks over the class behind them.)
MR. CANTWELL: Very well. Next week we turn to Section 8, "Radiation and Mutation - What are the Risks?"
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell as he removes his glasses and reads from a 3x5 card.)
MR. CANTWELL: We will explore the proposition that your generation may very well be the first to experience the widespread...uh, widespread...
(Mr. Cantwell leans over to Paul.)
MR. CANTWELL: Can you read that word?
(Close shot of Paul looking at the card.)
PAUL: Uh, it looks like "cancer".
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)
MR. CANTWELL: Oh, yes - of course. Widespread cancer ...
(Shot of Paul looking at Mr. Cantwell off-screen.)
MR. CANTWELL (V/O): Sure to follow nuclear industrial accidents.
(Paul frowns and looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Mr. Cantwell off-screen.)
Hey, Sunshine, don't sugar coat it - we can take it.
MR. CANTWELL (V/O): And now, on a lighter note...
(Close shot from behind Mr. Cantwell as he walks toward a table at the front of the class.)
MR. CANTWELL: Let's turn to our science projects, on pollutants and toxic waste.
(Mr. Cantwell turns around.)
MR. CANTWELL: Miss Clark, Miss Rodino, are you prepared?
(Shot of two girls standing up, picking up their experiment, and walking toward the front of the class.)
(Close shot of Paul turning to Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: What are we gonna do? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I don't know. (Shrugs.)
(Shot of the two girls in front of the blackboard.)
GIRL: We pour in the hazardous waste here...
(The other girl holds out a large can, and demonstrates pouring it into a funnel.)
GIRL: Let it stand, overnight, and then we study the ecological impact on wildlife...
(Close shot of goldfish in an aquarium.)
GIRL (V/O): And their environment.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Well, he's gonna call on us!
(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Paul to the girls off-screen.)
I could understand Paul's concern. Our project was due today.
(Kevin glances down and frowns.)
But hey, all we really needed was a conclusion, and uh, a theory, maybe a test subject - another week or so to finish.
(Kevin looks toward the girls off-screen.)
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell with his chin on his hand.)
MR. CANTWELL: Mr. Arnold, Mr. Pfeiffer...
(Shot of Kevin and Paul. They glance at each other, then stand up.)
KEVIN: Uh, we need a little more time to -
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)
MR. CANTWELL: I see. Are you having a...problem?
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: Uh, our results have been, um...(gestures)...uh, inconclusive.
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)
MR. CANTWELL: Very well.
(He takes his glasses off.)
MR. CANTWELL: But I'll expect to see something on Monday morning.
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
MR. CANTWELL (V/O): You understand?
PAUL: Yes, sir.
(Paul sits down and looks at Kevin, as Kevin sits down slowly.)
MR. CANTWELL (V/O): And now...
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell.)
MR. CANTWELL: Smog and noise pollution. Mr. Fisher...
(Shot of a boy standing up, with a leaf-blower on his back.)
MR. CANTWELL (V/O): Are you prepared?
(The boy walks forward.)
(Close shot of Kevin watching the boy off-screen.)
(Shot of Mr. Cantwell and the boy, as another boy pull-starts the leaf-blower.)
(Close shot of Mr. Cantwell stepping back.)
Cut to
Another Science Classroom
(Shot of Kevin looking at his clipboard. Paul is beyond him.)
KEVIN: Here, this one looks easy.
(Paul looks along a row of cages behind Kevin.)
PAUL: Hey, let's do one with these little guys.
(Close shot of a hampster in a cage.)
KEVIN (V/O): Hampsters?
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Yeah - they're neat! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
KEVIN: No, it's too much trouble.
(Kevin looks at the clipboard.)
KEVIN: We need something simple.
PAUL (V/O): I want to work with animals.
Paul's mother wouldn't let him have a pet. And I guess he felt a little deprived.
(Close shot of Paul looking in the cage, smiling.)
Once I caught him petting the angora sweaters at Sears.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
It was pretty embarrassing for both of us.
KEVIN: I don't know, Paul.
PAUL (V/O): Hi!
(Shot of Paul looking at the hampsters.
PAUL: Hi! Hi, there! Yeah, you - I'm talking to you!
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Did I have a heart of stone?
PAUL (V/O): You're so cute!
KEVIN: Alright - we'll do the hampsters.
PAUL: Yeah!
(Wide shot of both.)
PAUL: Alright - did you hear that? I'm taking you home!
(Kevin starts to walk away.)
KEVIN: This is a scientific experiment, Paul!
(Kevin passes the camera. Paul looks after him.)
KEVIN (V/O): And we can not think of these as pets.
PAUL: Oh, yeah - I understand that.
(Paul holds up the cage and looks in.)
PAUL: And you understand that too - don't you? Yes you do, yes you do!
Cut to
The Bus
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul, you better close the cage, or they're gonna get away.
(Close shot of Paul looking at the cage in his lap.)
PAUL: They wouldn't do that.
(Close shot of Paul's hands holding a hampster and petting it.)
PAUL (V/O): They like us.
KEVIN (V/O): If we lose these guys...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Cantwell'll kill us.
(Kevin looks forward quickly.)
WAYNE (V/O): Oh, here!
(Shot of Wayne walking up the aisle, smiling.)
WAYNE: I'll protect them for ya! (Laughs.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul as Wayne sits in the seat in front of them and reaches for the hampster.)
KEVIN: No, Wayne...
(Wayne takes it from Paul.)
PAUL: No, Wayne, stop.
(Close shot of Wayne holding the hampster.)
WAYNE: Hey, hey, hey!
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Wayne! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne holding the hampster and gesturing.)
WAYNE: He's fighting me - he's gonna make a break for it!
(Close shot of the hampster in Wayne's hand.)
KEVIN (V/O): Wayne!
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin standing up.)
KEVIN: Wayne! Give him back!
PAUL: Give him back, Wayne!
(Shot of Wayne holding the hampster out the window.)
(Close shot of Wayne's hand and the hampster outside the bus.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): Back boys.
(Close shot of Wayne smiling, holding the hampster out the window.)
WAYNE: Wouldn't want to see anything to happen to your little rat now, would we? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Wayne of Paul frowning at him.)
PAUL: They're hampsters!
(Close shot of Wayne holding the hampster out the window.)
WAYNE: Hampsters? Really - how interesting. (Gestures.) Do hampsters always land on their feet?
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Kevin starts slapping Wayne's arms. Wayne pushes him back.)
We needed help. We needed...(Wayne pushes Kevin)...stop...a bat! A big bat! We needed...
(Kevin looks toward the front of the bus.)
(Shot of two girls walking up the aisle.)
Angela Chompsky.
(Shot of Kevin smiling.)
KEVIN: Wayne! (Nods.) It's your girlfriend.
(Angela walks past Kevin.)
KEVIN: Hi, Angela! (Waves.)
(Shot of Wayne as he frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling as Wayne gets up.)
(Shot of Angela and her girlfriend in a seat, as Wayne sits in the seat in front of them.)
Heh-heh-heh. The last thing he'd want is for his little brother to embarrass him in front of Angela Chompsky.
(Close shot of Angela and her girlfriend looking at Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of the seat-back as Wayne lifts the hampster over it, and speaks in a "hampster voice".)
WAYNE: Oh, Angela...
(Wayne wiggles the hampster and laughs.)
(Shot past Wayne as Angela and her girlfriend look at each other and giggle.)
(Shot of Wayne laughing.)
No...he'd rather embarrass himself in front of Angela Chompsky.
(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Wayne! Give it back.
(Kevin takes a step toward Wayne.)
KEVIN: You're gonna squish it!
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne, and the girls behind them. Wayne pulls out a pencil and holds it next to the hampster.)
WAYNE: Hey! Back, scrote!
(Kevin backs up.)
WAYNE: Or the little guy gets it! (Smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul as Kevin sits down.)
(Shot of Wayne as he holds the hampster in front of Angela, and speaks in a squeaky voice.)
WAYNE: Oh, Angela - I want to go mountain climbing!
(Wayne "walks" the hampster forward.)
(Shot past Wayne as he holds the hampster near Angela's...mountain.)
ANGELA: Wayne! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning, as Wayne laughs.)
(Shot of Wayne as he laughs and holds the hampster in front of himself.)
WAYNE: Uh-oh, uh-oh! Hampster out of control! Hampster out of control!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Wayne! (Frowns.) Wayne!
(Shot of Wayne and the girls as Wayne holds the hampster out and lurches toward Angela.)
WAYNE: Oh, God! Look out! Look out!
(Angela screams.)
KEVIN (V/O): Wayne! Wayne!
WAYNE: Ahhh!
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN & PAUL: Wayne!!
(Wayne looks at Kevin off-screen and frowns.)
WAYNE: What?
Cut to
Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen
(Shot of Kevin and Paul at the kitchen table. The cage and a maze are in front of them. Paul reads from his clipboard.)
PAUL: OK, um...the effects of a bad diet on laboratory hampsters. We feed the test hampster a steady diet of processed snack-foods. (Points.) This. The control hampster receives regular hampster-chow.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: We then compare the times it takes for the two hampsters...
(Shot of a hampster in the cage.)
PAUL (V/O): To successfully run through the maze.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: They're still upset from this afternoon. Wheezer's breathing very fast, and, uh Puffy...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: I mean the control-subject - has the, uh...hiccups.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Maybe we should go to my house and do this.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Relax. Wayne won't try anything - not with Mom and Dad around. (Smiles.)
(Sound of Norma's high-heels clicking on the floor.)
(Close shot of Paul looking toward the kitchen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the kitchen.)
Oh, no. What was that sound?
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Norma approaching.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Mom! You're wearing high-heels. (Frowns.)
It could only mean one thing.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Norma opening the refrigerator.)
NORMA: You're father and I are going out, honey! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off.)
Oh...no...!
WAYNE (V/O): OK.
(Shot of Wayne walking past Norma.)
WAYNE: Get the rats out of the kitchen! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at Wayne off-screen as he sits at the table.)
PAUL: They're hampsters!
KEVIN: Mom's given us permission!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)
WAYNE: Mom...you're not gonna let them do their stupid experiment in here...
(Shot of Norma at the sink.)
NORMA: I already told them they could.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)
WAYNE: But Angela's coming over.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Angela's coming over? (Frowns.) In your dreams!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Eat your heart out, sonny boy - she wants me. (Frowns.) Now, beat it!
(Wide shot of all three at the table. Kevin slaps Wayne.)
KEVIN: You beat it!
(Wayne slaps Kevin.)
WAYNE: No, I'll beat you!
(They stand and start to scuffle.)
KEVIN: Yeah, right!
WAYNE: I'll beat -
KEVIN: Yeah, get off me, stupid.
(Close shot of Norma approaching and frowning.)
NORMA: Now, can't your father and I leave you for two hours, without you two at each other's throats?!
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne holding each other's throat.)
Uh-uh.
(Close shot of Norma looking at Wayne off-screen.)
NORMA: Wayne - you and Angela can use the living room...
(Close shot of Kevin sitting down.)
NORMA (V/O): Kevin and Paul can use the kitchen.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)
WAYNE: Mom...(Frowns.) You don't want these little rodents in here! I mean, we eat in here.
(Close shot of Norma looking at Wayne off-screen as she closes a cabinet.)
NORMA: It'll be alright!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)
WAYNE: They're so dirty and smelly!
(Close shot of Paul frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: They are not - they're clean!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen and frowning.)
WAYNE: They'll leave these little pellets...(gestures)...all over the place. And they're gonna get in your walls and breed! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Norma frowning.)
Wayne knew just how to play Mom.
(Close shot of Kevin sighing.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen.)
If there was one thing she dreaded...
(Shot of Norma frowning.)
It was that animals would get in her walls and breed.
NORMA: Kevin - I want them in the cage at all times. Do you understand?
(Wide shot of the boys at the table.)
KEVIN: Yes, Mom.
(Shot of Norma frowning and nodding.)
NORMA: I'm gonna go get the vacuum out, and I want you to clean up after them. (Exits.)
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: I don't care what Mom says. As soon as they're gone, you're gone, butthead!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: No, I'm not, butthead!
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Yes you are, dorkface!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
Things were going badly.
KEVIN: Dorkhead...
I needed help in a big way.
(Kevin looks toward the kitchen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack enters, adjusting his tie.)
KEVIN (V/O): Dad!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Mom gave me permission to do my project in here, and Wayne's starting to -
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack as he moves toward the door.)
JACK: I don't want to hear it.
(Jack turns to Karen who enters.)
JACK: Karen?
(Shot of Karen entering.)
JACK (V/O): You're in charge.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
Karen?
(Shot of Norma and Karen ans Norma puts her arm around her.)
NORMA: Can we rely on you, honey? (Smiles.)
KAREN: Don't worry, Mom. Now, go on, or you're gonna miss your movie. (Nods.)
NORMA: Well, OK.
(Close shot of Wayne looking down and resting his head on his hand.)
NORMA V/O): Bye-bye...
(Jack and Norma exit.)
It came down to this...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and glancing at Paul off-screen.)
My last hope for peaceful co-existence...
(Close shot of Karen as she looks out the window.)
Lay in the hands of a seventeen-year-old flower-child.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Karen off-screen.)
And yet - call it crazy - I felt a sudden rush of faith in my sister.
(Close shot of Karen as she looks out the window, then turns toward the boys off-screen.)
KAREN: I'm outta here. You guys are on your own. (Exits.)
(Close shot of Kevin sighing.)
(Close shot of Wayne smiling as Karen exits behind him.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
(Close shot of Wayne smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Well - alright! Where do we stand?
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Wayne stands up and walks into the kitchen.)
WAYNE: Dad's gone. Mom's gone. Karen's gone.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul, then back to Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): Well, who's next in the chain of command?
(Shot of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Of course - how silly of me. Why, it's me. (Frowns.)
(Wide shot of Kevin and Paul.)
WAYNE (V/O): And I say, you two are out of here, right now!
KEVIN: You get out of here! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Alright - I didn't want it to come to this...
(Close shot of the cage as Wayne takes a hampster from it.)
(Close shot past the cage of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Stop it, Wayne!
(Close shot of Paul frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: Leave Wheezer alone!
(Close shot of Wayne smiling.)
WAYNE: "Wheezer"? Oh, don't want to hurt little Wheezer, do we?
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Give him back, or I'll -
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: You'll what?!
(Close shot of Kevin hesitating.)
Give me a break - the guy out-weighed me by four-thousand pounds.
(Kevin stands up.)
(Shot past Wayne as Kevin approaches him.)
KEVIN: Or, I'll take 'em back.
(Close shot of Paul standing up.)
PAUL: He'll take 'em back!
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne as they start to fight.)
(Shot past Kevin as Wayne hurries to the garbage-disposal and turns it on.)
WAYNE: Back!
(Close shot of Wayne holding the hampster over the disposal.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: You wouldn't dare!
(Close shot of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Observe.
(Shot past Kevin as Wayne drops a carrot in the disposal.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: Stop him!
KEVIN: You don't scare me, Wayne.
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at the hampster.)
WAYNE: He's getting heavy...
(Wayne looks at Kevin and lowers the hampster.)
(Close shot of the hampster.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Alright! Alright.
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Say "I give up, oh mighty Wayne, my lord and master"!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
KEVIN: Eat it!
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking toward the disposal.)
WAYNE: Um! The blades whirl so fast...
(Close shot of the hampster over the disposal.)
WAYNE (V/O): You can hardly see 'em!
(Close shot of Paul turning to Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Stop him!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
KEVIN: "I give up, oh mighty Wayne, my lord and master" - now turn it off!
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne frowning.)
WAYNE: First - I want you to pick up all that junk, take it into your bedroom, and then close the door.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
WAYNE (V/O): And I don't want to see either of you for the rest of the night!
KEVIN: Gimme the hampster! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)
WAYNE: When you're in your room, and not before...and then I'll give it to your little lab-partner, here.
(Shot of Kevin and Paul as they start to walk off.)
(Shot past Kevin and Paul of Wayne.)
WAYNE: That's what I like to see, boys. (Smiles.)
(Closer shot of Wayne as he looks at the hampster.)
WAYNE: A little cooperation!
(Wide shot across the table as Kevin heads to the bedroom. Paul waits next to Wayne.)
(Close shot of Paul.)
KEVIN: (V/O): Alright! Give it!
(Paul looks at Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne turning over his shoulder.)
WAYNE: All the way in - not in the hallway.
KEVIN: (V/O): I'm in!
(Wayne looks at Paul off-screen.)
WAYNE: Paul? Check him. (Frowns.)
(Paul exits.)
(Shot of Wayne looking at the hampster.)
(Shot of Paul looking out the doorway, then approaching Wayne.)
PAUL: He's in the bedroom.
(Shot of Wayne and Paul as Wayne hands the hampster to him.)
WAYNE: This is the last I want to see of you, Pfeiffer.
(Paul exits as Wayne kicks him in the butt.)
KEVIN (V/O): One of these days!
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom. Kevin is pacing.)
KEVIN: I'm gonna kill 'em!
(Kevin continues to pace as Paul enters.)
KEVIN: I'm gonna smash his brains out! Rip 'em to pieces!
Rip his eyeballs out and roll 'em down the sewer!
(Close shot of Paul holding up the hampster.)
PAUL: Are you OK, Wheezer?
(Shot of Kevin pacing.)
KEVIN: Uh! I'll...
Split his head open like a ripe melon!
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Come on, Kevin. (Gestures.) It's time to feed them!
(Shot from behind Kevin as he turns and looks surprised.)
What? Oh! Right, right.
KEVIN: Next time...I'm not backin' down. I don't care what he does.
WAYNE (V/O): Hi, Angela?
(Cut to Wayne on the phone. He has his feet up on the kitchen table.)
WAYNE: Yeah, it's Wayne. I pretty much have the place to myself, right now...so, why don't you come on over?
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom.)
(Kevin is sitting on his bed holding a clipboard, as Paul joins him.)
PAUL: We should make another column right here...(points)...so we put the results side-by-side.
KEVIN: OK.
PAUL: And later, we correlate them.
(Paul holds up the hampster.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Alright. Now what was his last time running the maze?
(Kevin holds up a stop-watch.)
(Close shot of Paul playing with the hampster.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Do you think this experiment is safe?
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Sure it is! Mr. Cantwell wouldn't let us do a project that was dangerous.
(Close shot of Paul frowning and looking at the hampster.)
PAUL: No, I mean for Wheezer and Puffy.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: They'll be fine!
(Close shot of Paul frowning.)
(Close shot of the hampster in Paul's hands.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the hampster.)
KEVIN: They are kinda cute, though, aren't they?
PAUL (V/O): He likes it when you scratch him behind his ears.
(Close shot of the hampster in Paul's hands as Kevin pets it.)
KEVIN (V/O): Hi! Hi, there!
(Close shot of Kevin smiling and petting the hampster.)
KEVIN: Hi! You're cute, aren't you? Yes, you are.
(Kevin looks at Paul and hesitates.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: Uh...
(Paul faces forward. Kevin looks at the clipboard.)
KEVIN: Alright, now, uh...let's look at the data.
PAUL: Right - data.
KEVIN: Alright, now, next we have to measure the test subjects response, to a highly-sugared substance. Where's the rootbeer?
PAUL: Oh, it's in the...
(Paul looks toward the door, and pauses.)
PAUL: Kitchen.
(Paul sighs. Kevin stands up.)
PAUL: Hey! We can't go back in there! Wayne said if we were in -
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him and gesturing.)
KEVIN: Hey! This is my house, too! He can't control our lives!
(Shot of Wayne sitting at the kitchen table with his feet up, talking on the phone. Kevin pauses at the doorway in the background.)
WAYNE: Oh, come on, Angela - you promised!.....Well, your hair looked pretty clean to me...I'll tell ya what - I'll wash it and blow it dry for you...
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and sighs.)
WAYNE (V/O): Oh, come on, Angela.
(Close shot of Wayne frowning. Kevin is in the background.)
WAYNE: I'm just gonna keep calling until you say "yes". I'm gonna bug you and bug you, until you can't....Really? You're really coming over? (Smiles.) OK, alright - seeya in ten minutes.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne standing up, hanging up the phone, then doing a little hula dance. Wayne looks toward Kevin off-screen and pauses.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne.)
WAYNE: What are you lookin' at, dorkface?!
(Shot of Kevin walking to the refrigerator, and frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): You know, I thought I told you what part of the house you were restricted to.
(Shot of Wayne standing in the middle of the kitchen.)
WAYNE: Or am I forgetting? It's just seems so fresh in my mind, though! (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin closing the refrigerator and frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: I guess you were right about Angela wanting you. (Nods.) She sounds pretty desperate.
(Shot of Wayne standing in the middle of the kitchen.)
WAYNE: Oh, shut up, butthead!
(Wayne takes a step closer.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Alright, alright!
(Kevin backs up, pointing a bottle of rootbeer at Wayne.)
KEVIN: Touchy, touchy!
(Shot of Wayne standing in the middle of the kitchen, frowning.)
PAUL (V/O): He's starting to turn orange!
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul at the hampster cage. Paul is holding one.)
KEVIN: No - that's from the Cheese-Doodles. See?
(Kevin brushes off the hampster.)
(Close shot of the hampster as Kevin's hand brushes it off.)
KEVIN (V/O): It brushes off.
PAUL (V/O): Oh...
(Close shot of Kevin pouring some rootbeer into a small feeding bottle.)
(Close shot of the hampster as Paul brushes it off.)
(Close shot of Paul watching Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin assembling the bottle.)
KEVIN: OK...
(Shot of Kevin attaching the bottle to the cage.)
(Paul sets the hampster in it.)
PAUL (V/O): OK...
(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking into the cage.)
(Close shot of the hampster sucking from the tube.)
(Wider shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: OK - now let's check his heart-rate.
(Kevin starts to reach into the cage.)
PAUL: No, no, no - not yet.
KEVIN: Hey, why not?
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: He doesn't like it when you handle him right after he's eaten. I think it gives him a tummy ache.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin.)
Paul was starting to lose any semblance of objectivity about this project.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at the cage.)
I realized a better put my foot down before it got out of hand.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Maybe you're right. Let's give him five minutes to digest.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at the hampster.)
OK - so I have a very light foot. What could five minutes hurt?
(Close shot of the hampster.)
I didn't want to make the little guy sick.
(Shot from the hampster's perspective of Kevin and Paul looking in the top of the cage.)
WAYNE (V/O): Oh, Angela...
(Cut to Wayne is standing in the living room, rehearsing Angela's arrival.)
(Music "Wild Thing" - The Troggs starts.)
WAYNE: I'm glad you could make it. I know it's short notice and all, but...I just had to see you.(Gestures.)
(Wayne brushes his hair back, sits on the couch, then looks at the clock on the table behind him.)
(Close shot of the clock advancing from 7:45 to 9:30 PM, as the music plays faster.)
(Sound of the needle skipping the groove at the end of the song.)
(The camera pans from the clock to Wayne gloomily slumped on the couch, with his feet on the table. There are three empty soda bottles and two empty bowls near his feet. Wayne burps and puts his hand on his forehead.)
PAUL (V/O): He doesn't look too good.
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom.)
(Shot of the hampster in the maze.)
KEVIN (V/O): His times are much slower.
PAUL (V/O): No, Wheezer - not that way!
KEVIN (V/O): You can't interfere, Paul.
PAUL (V/O): Dead end! Dead end!
(Shot of Kevin and Paul sitting next to the maze.)
KEVIN: You can't help him, Paul! (Gestures.)
PAUL: He's confused! I'm telling you - the diet is getting to him!
KEVIN: That's the purpose of the experiment!
PAUL: We're playing God here!
(Paul picks up the hampster.)
KEVIN: Paul! (Frowns.)
PAUL: We have no right.
KEVIN: Paul...
PAUL: It's unnatural!
KEVIN: Paul! It's not like it's poison - millions of people eat this food everyday! (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Paul frowning.)
PAUL: Well, who's fault is that?!
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Look. This'll be his last run through the maze, then we can put him in -
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: He needs a drink of water!
KEVIN: We're supposed to be giving him rootbeer.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: He needs a drink of water!
(Close shot of Kevin.)
I could see that Paul was past reasoning with.
(Kevin looks off.)
KEVIN: OK - I'll get him some water.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: And some Alka-Seltzer.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Wayne sitting at the kitchen table with his feet up, talking on the phone.)
WAYNE: Ah, but Angela - I thought you were comin' over.
(Kevin pauses at the doorway in the background.)
WAYNE: Oh - are you serious?.....Oh, hah! (Gestures.) Are you kidding me?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): I do stuff like that all the time, too.
(Shot of Wayne from Kevin's perspective. He leans forward and gestures.)
WAYNE: Angela...Come on! Come on over!....Please?...Or I could come over there?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): Angela? Angela?
(Shot of Wayne from Kevin's perspective as he starts to hang up.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin walking away. Wayne sighs and puts his feet on the table, then looks over his shoulder.)
PAUL (V/O: W-Where's the water?
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom.)
(Shot of Kevin at the door as he closes it and gestures.)
KEVIN: Forget it.
(He walks past the camera.)
(Wide shot of Paul sitting on the floor as Kevin walks past the camera and sits on the bed.)
PAUL: But he needs a glass of water!
(Closer shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: Paul! Let's just finish the experiment. (Gestures.)
(Low wide shot of the door as Wayne pushes it open with his foot, holding a vacuum-cleaner, and wearing a kid's plastic fireman's hat.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wheezer running out of Paul's hand and under the bed.)
(Shot of Wayne in the doorway.)
WAYNE: Hampster patrol!
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Stay outta here, Wayne!
(Shot of Wayne in the doorway.)
WAYNE: "Stay outta out of here, Wayne!"
(Wayne pulls the vacuum inside and switches it on, and points with the hose.)
WAYNE: Your mother told you to be sure to clean up after those little devils...
(Wayne smiles and laughs, and starts forward.)
(Shot of Kevin as he rises to intercept Wayne.)
KEVIN: Wayne, gimme that!
(Wayne laughs.)
(Shot of Wayne with Kevin on his back.)
KEVIN: Wayne! Get out of here!
WAYNE: Work, work, work. It's all I ever do around here.
KEVIN: Get out of here!
(Shot of Paul trying to grab the vacuum.)
WAYNE (V/O): Just tryin' to help...
(Shot of the floor and the hose passing over it.)
(Shot of Kevin on top of Wayne.)
KEVIN: You're gonna hurt them!
WAYNE (V/O): Now, would I do somethin' like that? I'm just tryin' to...
(Shot of the floor and the hose passing over it, then under the bed. The vacuum sound changes.)
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: No! Wheezer!
(Wide shot of all. Kevin and Wayne pause, as Paul looks under the bed.)
(Close shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking up from under the bed.)
(Close shot of Kevin and Wayne as Kevin turns toward him and pushes him.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin as Wayne stands up, and Kevin looks off, frowning.)
At that moment...
(Kevin looks up at Wayne off-screen.)
As I looked at my brother...
(Close shot of Wayne looking off guiltily.)
Something snapped inside me. I didn't hate his guts.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin as he rises, frowning.)
I hated him. I hated everything about him.
(Wayne looks at Kevin tearfully, as Kevin rises.)
And at that moment, I didn't care what it cost me...
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
I didn't care about anything...
(Wayne sighs and looks down.)
I just wanted to hurt him.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: You want to know why Angela wouldn't come over?!
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Shut up.
(Wayne frowns and looks off.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Because she doesn't like you, Wayne!
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Shut up!
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: She doesn't - nobody does!
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Shut up!
(Wayne frowns and rolls his eyes.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: No! You may be bigger than me...and stronger than me. But you know what, Wayne?
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): I have friends!
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Nobody likes you, Wayne! You're just mean...
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): To everybody, all the time, because...nobody likes you!
(Wayne swallows and blinks.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: You're pathetic!
(Close shot of Wayne as his hair flies back in a bright white flash. Fade to a nuclear explosion and mushroom cloud.)
(Music "Taps" plays.)
Fade to
Ext. Day - Back Yard
(Close shot of Paul pulling a small white bag from a larger brown bag.)
(Wide shot of Kevin and Paul in the corner of the back yard. Kevin is digging with a shovel, then pauses. Paul sets the bag in the hole. Kevin starts to cover it with dirt. Paul takes out his hankerchief and wipes his nose. Kevin pats Paul's shoulder.)
(Closer shot of both as Paul turns to Kevin and cries on his shoulder. Kevin looks around nervously.)
Fade to
Ext. Day - Park
(Wide shot of Kevin sitting on a park bench, poking the sidewalk with a stick.)
("Taps" fades.)
I didn't see Wayne very much, for the next couple of days.
(Closer shot of Kevin looking down.)
In fact, I stayed out of the house, a lot. So as not to run into him.
(Kevin looks up and off.)
(Wide shot of Wayne approaches up the walkway in the distance, with his hands in his pockets, looking down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, frowning, then looking down.)
(Wider shot of both as Wayne approaches and pauses.)
WAYNE: What are you doing here?
KEVIN: Nothing. What are you doing here?
WAYNE: None of your business.
(Wayne picks up a rock.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne as he glances around, and sighs.)
(Close shot of Kevin lookling down.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Look - I'm sorry, OK?! (Gestures.) What do you want me to say?! I'm sorry!
(Close shot of Kevin glancing up, then down again, then back to Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Pfff - yeah. (Frowns.)
(Kevin looks down again, then at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, it was a stupid thing to do!
(Shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: I know that! What do you think I am?! An idiot?!
(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Wayne off-screen, then sighing and looking down.)
(Close shot of Wayne.)
WAYNE: You don't think I meant to do it, do you?
(Close shot of Kevin looking down and hesitating.)
KEVIN: No...
(Close shot of Wayne as he looks off and frowns, then looks down and shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)
KEVIN: Sorry I said all that stuff.
(Close shot of Wayne looking down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne. He gestures with both arms.)
WAYNE: Look, I'm goin' home, OK? You going home? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Yeah, I guess.
(Telephoto shot of Kevin rising and following Wayne off-screen. the camera pans with Kevin as he joins Wayne. Wayne throws his rock. Kevin throws his stick. they put their hands in their jacket pockets and continue to walk.)
As my brother and I walked home that day, I guess we both knew that things would never be quite the same between us. Everything would be more complicated now. Now, we both knew...
(Closer telephoto shot of them walking away from the camera.)
That I could hurt him. The funny thing was, I'm not sure I was glad about that.
(Music "Brother, Brother" - Carole King starts.)
(Kevin pops Wayne on the shoulder, then slaps his face. Wayne turns to him and frowns. Kevin slaps his face again. Wayne gestures, then wrestles Kevin to the grass.)
(High wide shot of them as Wayne hits Kevin a few times, then shakes him a few times. They continue to wrestle.)
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Mr. Cantwell - Ben Stein
Music
"Wild Thing" - The Troggs
"Taps"
"Brother, Brother" - Carole King
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11/15/14 17:10