Episode 19 "Birthday Boy"
OPENING SEQUENCE
("Happy, Happy, Birthday, Baby" - Tune Weavers starts.)
"Happy, happy birthday baby"
(Clip of Jack holding the screen door open for Norma as she exits, holding a chocolate birthday cake in one hand and little Wayne's hand in the other.)
"Although you're with somebody new"
(Clip of a very young Kevin and Paul on a blanket, looking at the cake. Paul is wearing glasses. Paul bends down and puts some cake in his mouth.)
When Paul and I were little kids...we had our birthdays only four days apart.
"Thought I'd drop a line to say"
(Another clip of Kevin and Paul on the blanket, as Paul gets some more cake.)
"That I wish this happy day"
Come to think of it, we still have our birthdays only four days apart.
(Closer clip of Paul as he pokes the cake and licks frosting off his finger. The camera pans to Kevie who is crying.)
But I guess birthdays aren't as big a part of life as they used to be.
"Would find me beside you"
(Clip of the Pfeiffer's and Arnold's around a picnic table, waving to the camera.)
(Clip of Kevin and Paul on the blanket. Kevie is crying as Norma's hand holds some cake in front of him, then stands him up on his feet.)
Man - we had some classic parties.
(Clip of blurry movement settling on Kevin and Paul on merry-go-round horses.)
"Happy, happy birthday, baby"
Year after year we reached for manhood together.
(Clip of Jack smiling at the camera as he walks along with Kevin. The camera pans to Alvin and Paul behind them. Paul waves to the camera.)
"No, I can't call you my baby"
(Clip of Kevin and Paul at the height-measurement sign at an amusement park ride.)
"Seems like years ago we met"
(Clip of Paul standing at the sign as Kevie compares the height.)
(Clip of Paul and Kevie standing in front of the sign looking at the camera. They smile and jump up and down.)
"On a day I can't forget"
When we fell short...we fell short together.
(Clip of Jack and Kevie in a bumper car, and Paul and Alvin in another bumper car.)
God - we couldn't wait to get older.
"Cause that's when we fell in love"
(The two cars circle around each other.)
(Music ends.)
Fade to
Day - Schoolbus
(Shot of the schoolbus approaching up the street.)
WAYNE (V/O): So what the hell's a bar mitzvah, anyways?
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin and Paul. Wayne is turned around in the seat in front of them.)
KEVIN: It's a ceremony when you become a man, stupid.
WAYNE: A man? Pfeiffer? Hah-hah. That's got to be the funniest thing I 've heard all day. Steve? Are you hearing this? Pfeiffer's about to become a man.
(Paul frowns and shrugs.)
PAUL: What's so funny about that?
(Close shot of Steve looking at Paul off-screen.)
STEVE: You're not a man until you lose your virginity.
(Close shot of Paul frowning and looking off.)
WAYNE (V/O): That's right. So I'd say you guys are little boys...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): Until you're at least...
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul and Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Forty-five.
(Close shot of Steve nodding and looking at Wayne.)
STEVE: Oh, I think that's optimistic.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul and Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Well, I mean, if your actually talking about having sex with another person.
(Close shot of Kevin as he makes a big face and frowns at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Oh, shut up, Wayne! You're just jealous.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah, you're just jealous.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul off-screen.)
WAYNE: Jealous? (Frowns.) Why? Because you get to wear one of those little beanies on your head? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: It's called a yarmulke. And for your information, it happens to be a very big deal!
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: I get to stand up in front of all my friends and my whole family...(gestures)...and say prayers and make this big speech and stuff.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul off-screen in mock surprise.)
WAYNE: A speech? A speech? Well...(gestures)...now I'm jealous, now I'm jealous.
(Close shot of Paul frowning and looking at Kevin off-screen, then back to Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: And then we have this huge party.
(Close shot of Steve looking at Paul and Wayne off-screen.)
STEVE: Oh, I've heard of those Pfeiffer parties. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Wayne frowning and gesturing.)
WAYNE: Very hot...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: Catered...all you can eat and drink...
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin and Paul.)
WAYNE: Ooohh...
PAUL: And hundreds of guests...(gestures)...and all the girls I want to invite.
WAYNE: Make sure you keep 'em on a leash, now.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Wayne off-screen.)
PAUL: And a band.
(Close shot of Steve looking at Paul off-screen.)
STEVE: A live band?
(Close shot of Wayne looking doubtfully at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): And tons of presents.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: Well, if you figure a hundred people...and they each bring one...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You're really gonna get a hundred presents?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah, of course! (Shrugs.) And that's not including the money.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul off-screen.)
WAYNE: Like how much money? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly.)
PAUL (V/O): It's no set amount, but I'd say...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Wayne off-screen and frowning.)
PAUL: Hmmm...maybe a thousand bucks.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Paul off-screen in surprise.)
(Close shot of Steve looking at Paul off-screen in surprise.)
Did he say...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen in surprise.)
A thousand bucks?
JACK (V/O): You gotta be crazy - I'm not gonna pay that.
Cut to
Int. Afternoon - Arnold Kitchen
(Shot of Jack pacing as he talks on the phone. Norma and Kevin are sitting at the table in the background, preparing green beans.)
JACK: Well, let me talk to the mechanic........Yeah, yeah - I'll hold.
(Close shot past Norma's hands of Kevin.)
NORMA: So what are you and Paul gonna do for your birthday this year?
KEVIN: Nothing, I guess. (Frowns.) Paul's having his bar mitzvah. (Shrugs.)
It's not that I was jealous of Paul.
(Kevin glances off.)
It's not that I was feeling sorry for myself. It's just...
(Kevin looks toward Norma off-screen.)
Maybe there was a mini-bike in this for me somewhere.
(Close shot of Norma.)
NORMA: That's right - I forgot. Well, what are we gonna do about your birthday?
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I don't know.
(Close shot of Norma as she tosses a bean into the bowl.)
NORMA: Well, it has to be something good.
(Norma looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: You're turning thirteen - it's a big one.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I guess.
(He shrugs and looks down.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Just not the same without Paul, huh? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Norma off-screen.)
Either that, or it's just not the same without a hundred presents and a live band...
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Aw, honey.
(Close shot of Kevin as Norma rubs his head. Kevin looks down.)
OK - good, good. Ya got her right where you want her. Now hit her with the trump card.
(Kevin shrugs and looks off.)
KEVIN: Well, I'm not sure I even want to do anything this year.
(Kevin looks toward Norma off-screen.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)
The martyr routine.
(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)
KEVIN: I mean, unless some -
JACK (V/O): Five hundred dollars?
(Close shot of Norma looking toward Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack on the phone.)
JACK: Since when does an alternator cost five-hundred dollars? (Gestures.) Well, what the hell does a transmission got to do with this?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Like I was saying...unless we could do like a -
JACK (V/O): Look...
(Kevin looks toward Jack off-screen.)
JACK (V/O): Just don't touch my car, alright?!
(Shot of Jack on the phone.)
JACK: Leave it just like you found it! (Gestures.) I'll be right down.
(Wider shot of Jack as he hangs up the phone and turns to Norma and Kevin.)
JACK: Better grab your coat - I'll need a ride down to the garage.
(Jack takes his jacket off the chair and starts to put it on. Norma looks at Kevin.)
NORMA: Don't worry, honey.
(Norma stands up and starts to put on her coat.)
NORMA: We're gonna do something fun for your birthday.
(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)
NORMA (V/O): Right, Jack?
(Kevin rests his head on his fist and looks toward Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack as he finishes putting on his coat and walking toward the door.)
JACK: Yeah. How 'bout we get Kevin a brand new alternator for his birthday.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and shrugging slightly.)
IDA (V/O): Have some more chicken, Kevin. I made it especially for you.
ALVIN (V/O): That's right. That's why it's called chicken Kievin.
Cut to
Ext. Evening - Pfeiffer House
(Shot of Paul and Kevin sitting at the dinner table, laughing. Alvin laughs off-screen.)
Dinner at the Pfeiffer's. It was always an experience.
ALVIN (V/O): OK, Kevin...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Alvin off-screen as he puts a forkful of food in his mouth.)
(Close shot of Alvin holding up a bottle of ketchup.)
ALVIN: What's that say?
(Alvin looks toward Kevin off-screen and smiles slightly.)
Alvin Pfeiffer - optometrist.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and looking around the table.)
I was the only person he knew with 20-20 vision.
(Close shot of Alvin looking toward Kevin expectantly.)
He loved me.
(Close shot of Kevin as he gestures slightly.)
KEVIN: Ketchup.
(Close shot of Alvin looking at the bottle.)
ALVIN: Incredible.
(Alvin smiles and gestures toward Kevin off-screen.)
ALVIN: What a kid, huh?
(Close shot of Kevin smiling as he puts a forkful of food in his mouth, and Paul pats him on the shoulder.)
ALVIN (V/O): What a kid.
IDA (V/O): Al, leave him alone, he's eating. Some more potatoes, Kevin?
(Close shot of Ida lifting a bowl of potatoes and smiling toward Kevin off-screen.)
Ida Pfeiffer - mom extroardinaire.
(The bowl is removed from her hands.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling as he spoons some potatoes onto his plate.)
I think I was the only one she knew...
(Kevin looks up and smiles slightly to Ida off-screen.)
Who really liked her scalloped potatoes. She loved me.
(Kevin hands the bowl back.)
(Close shot of Ida taking the bowl, then frowning at Debbie off-screen.)
IDA: Debbie, don't slouch - and get your elbows off the table, please - I just put that down fresh.
(Close shot of Debbie putting a forkful of food into her mouth.)
Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister...
(She chews and glances toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Debbie off-screen, then down at his food and back, slightly worried.)
The only girl I ever knew to whom I was her concept of the ideal male form.
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin as she cuts her chicken.)
She really loved me.
(Close shot of Kevin looking down, slightly embarrassed, then toward Ida brightly.)
KEVIN: Uh, great chicken, Mrs. Pfeiffer. (Smiles.)
GRANDPA (V/O): Chicken.
(Kevin looks toward Grandpa off-screen.)
(Close shot of Grandpa pointing and glancing around the table.)
GRANDPA: That reminds me of a story. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Alvin frowning and looking down slightly.)
(Alvin and Ida groan.)
(Close shot of Grandpa smiling and pointing, then fixing his napkin.)
And Grandpa Pfeiffer.
(Close shot of Alvin glancing upward, and shaking his head slightly.)
He had a thousand stories...
(Close shot of Paul looking toward Grandpa off-screen apprehensively.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Grandpa with mild interest.)
And I was the only person who hadn't heard them all a thousand times.
(Close shot of Ida looking at Grandpa off-screen, and rolling her eyes.)
(Close shot of Debbie covering her mouth and turning toward Grandpa off-screen.)
And so, of course...
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Kevin off-screen and pointing.)
GRANDPA: Kevin. When I was your age...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Grandpa with mild interest.)
He loved me.
(Wider shot of all around the table.)
GRANDPA: Like my grandson to your right...(gestures)...I too, had a bar mitzvah. Cousin *Heshy*, cousin *Moshe*, and myself. (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Grandpa with mild interest.)
GRANDPA (V/O): And we were very poor...So all...
(Close shot of Grandpa frowning at Kevin off-screen and gesturing.)
GRANDPA: These fancy-shmancy gifts that you kids get today...they weren't around.
(Shot of Paul and Kevin looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
GRANDPA (V/O): So do you know...
(Paul starts to smirk.)
GRANDPA (V/O): What I got...
(Close shot of Alvin looking bored.)
GRANDPA (V/O): For my bar mitvah?
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Kevin off-screen.)
GRANDPA: My entrance into manhood? (Gestures.)
(Wider shot of all around the table.)
ALL PFEIFFER'S: A chicken...
GRANDPA: That's right!
(Grandpa hold up a chicken leg.)
GRANDPA: A chicken!
(Close shot of Grandpa as he smiles and sets the chicken leg down, then points toward Kevin off-screen.)
GRANDPA: It doesn't sound like much, but in those days it was like gold. (Gestures.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
GRANDPA (V/O): So I took this chicken...
(Paul starts to smile and look toward Alvin off-screen.)
GRANDPA (V/O): And I put him on some hay outside the school.
(Shot of Grandpa looking at Kevin seriously, and gesturing.)
GRANDPA: And I started on my Baruch. (Frowns.) I was very, very nervous, let me tell ya.
(Grandpa looks down at himself and gestures.)
GRANDPA: Sweat pouring from every part of my body.
(Close shot of Alvin frowning at Grandpa off-screen.)
ALVIN: Oh, Dad. Dad, dad.
(Close shot of Grandpa gesturing dramatically with both hands.)
GRANDPA: I was standing up there, doing my thing...
(Close shot of Kevin listening attentively.)
GRANDPA (V/O): When in walks the chicken.
(Kevin smiles.)
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Kevin off-screen and pointing.)
GRANDPA: Right in front of the *beema*. Sits down...(gestures)...starts to cluck! And "pop"...
(Grandpa makes a face and a big gesture.)
GRANDPA: Out pops an egg!
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Grandpa off-screen.)
KEVIN: You must have been really mad.
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Kevin off-screen.)
GRANDPA: Mad?
(He shakes his head slowly.)
GRANDPA: No, no. I had no right to be mad. (Gestures.) It was my bar mitzvah gift, and as my father always said...
(Grandpa starts to point.)
(Close shot of Alvin.)
ALL PFEIFFER'S: Never look...
(Shot of Paul and Kevin as Paul looks at Kevin and gestures.)
ALL PFEIFFER'S: A gift chicken...
(Close shot of Ida looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
ALL PFEIFFER'S: In the mouth!
(Close shot of Debbie covering her eyes with her hands.)
DEBBIE: My family is so...weird.
(She drops her head.)
(Wide shot of all around the table.)
GRANDPA: Oh, this is a great occasion. My family's here, my grandson's friend...(gestures)...is here.
(Close shot of Grandpa smiling at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: So, Paul, tell me...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah?
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: You studied hard? (Nods.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah.
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: You know all your prayers?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
PAUL: Uh-huh. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: Then...(points)...I have something for you. (Nods.)
(Grandpa starts to reach down beside his chair.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around the table, then toward Grandpa off-screen.)
I wondered what it would be. Money? Stock options? His own car?
(Close shot of Grandpa straightening up, and holding out a book with gold-edged pages. He looks at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: The prayer book that I used to deliver my Baruch.
(Close shot of Paul looking at the book off-screen.)
GRANDPA (V/O): On that fateful night...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the book off-screen.)
GRANDPA (V/O): Of the chicken.
(Close shot of Grandpa holding the book in both hands, and nodding slightly.)
GRANDPA: My grandfather gave it to me. And tonight...(nods)...I wish to give it to you.
(Grandpa hands the book toward Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul taking the book and looking at it.)
PAUL: Wow...
IDA: Pop, he'll get stains all over it. Can't it wait until we clear the table at least?
(Close shot of Grandpa).
GRANDPA: No, it can not. (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: My grandson...
(Grandpa starts to reach for his glass.)
GRANDPA (V/O): Here...
(Close shot of Paul holding the book, looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
(Close shot of Grandpa holding his glass, looking seriously at Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: You are on the verge of becoming a man. You are about to inherit the love, the joy...(nods)...the bitterness of our people. Their tradition.
(Close shot of Kevin glancing toward Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul holding the book, looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
(Close shot of Grandpa looking at Paul off-screen and gesturing.)
GRANDPA: From my grandfather, to my father...
(He puts his hand on his chest.)
GRANDPA: To me...
(He looks at Alvin off-screen and gestures.)
GRANDPA: To my son...
(He looks back to Paul off-screen.)
GRANDPA: And now to you. (Points.)
(Grandpa smiles, then looks serious, and raises his glass.)
GRANDPA: Masletov.
IDA (V/O): Maseltov.
(Close shot of Paul holding his glass up, looking at Grandpa off-screen.)
PAUL: Maseltov.
(Close shot of Grandpa as they clink glasses.)
(Close shot of Kevin lifting his glass.)
KEVIN: Maseltov. (Smiles.)
JACK (V/O): Two-thousand bucks for a '66 Impala? That's a joke.
(Kevin smiles as everyone clinks glasses together.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen
(Shot of Jack sitting at the kitchen table, frowning at an open newspaper.)
JACK: Hnnh.
(Close shot of Kevin in the kitchen, looking toward Jack off-screen.)
Maybe it was the glow of the half-glass of Manishewits...
(Kevin crosses his arms and smiles.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Norma doing dishes at the sink, and Jack at the table in the background.)
But I felt a sudden rush of family pride.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)
I mean, my family had a rich tradition, too. All I had to do was figure out what it was.
KEVIN: Dad?
(Shot of Jack frowning at the newspaper, and sipping from his cup.)
JACK: Hmmm?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Where's Grampa Arnold from?
(Shot of Jack frowning at the newspaper.)
JACK: Look at that. Highway robbery. What'd ya say?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: I said, um, where did Grampa Arnold come from?
(Shot of Jack frowning at the newspaper.)
JACK: Newark.
(Close shot of Kevin looking off and frowning.)
(Shot of Jack frowning toward Norma off-screen.)
JACK: Ya know, one of these days I'm just gonna get rid of the damn cars...(Gestures.)
(Jack stands up and frowns as he approaches the camera.)
JACK: And we'll all take the damn bus!
(Shot past Norma of Kevin watching Jack exit to the living room.)
Well.
(Kevin looks forward and shrugs slightly.)
Like I was saying...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Mom?
(Shot past Kevin of Norma as she glances at him, then back to the dishes.)
NORMA: Yeah?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: I was just thinking about something. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at the dishes.)
NORMA: Uh-hmm?
(Close shot of Kevin looking off, and smiling self-consciously, then looking down.)
KEVIN: Oh...I don't know...
(Kevin looks toward Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: See, um...I was over at Paul's house tonight for dinner...and see...
(Close shot of Norma quickly glancing at Kevin, then back to the dishes.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around.)
KEVIN: Grampa Pfeiffer was telling...all these stories about his bar mitzvah, and...when he lived in Russia and everything...and, um...
(Close shot of Norma looking at the dishes.)
KEVIN (V/O): I started thinking about our family, and I -
(Norma turns on the garbage disposal.)
(Close shot of Kevin pausing and frowning.)
Is it some kind of law...
(Close shot of Norma looking down at the dishes.)
That they had to run the garbage disposal...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and looking off.)
At critical moments of psychological development?!
(Kevin looks toward Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Mom?!
(Close shot of Norma flipping off the disposal and looking at Kevin off-screen expectantly.)
NORMA: Yeah?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: I-I was just asking you about where our family came from. I mean...(shrugs and frowns)...what are we?
(Shot of Norma pausing.)
NORMA: What are we? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah, you know...like, Paul's Jewish...and Winnie's Irish...so...(shrugs)...what are we?
(Close shot of Norma frowning and looking off, then glancing at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Oh, well Gosh, Kevin...
(She frowns and looks off again.)
NORMA: That's...kinda hard to...well, lemme...(shrugs)...lemme see.
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Jack's mother is Italian - well, actually she's half Italian...(nods)...cuz her mother's Romanian, and then...
(Norma looks off, then back.)
NORMA: His father's Polish...
(She looks off.)
NORMA: I'm pretty sure about that.
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: And then my great-grandfather came over from Scandinavia...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): Came over a long time ago and married my great-grandmother...
(Kevin starts to look a little disappointed.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Whose parents were Welsh. But of course, she grew up in Ohio - before they moved to Detroit.
(Norma glances off, and back.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off.)
And as my mother tried to put together the strands of our old and faded family tree...
(Kevin sighs.)
I came to realize what so many American's do in search of their roots.
(Close shot of Norma looking off in thought.)
NORMA: Or was it Norway?
(Close shot of Kevin resting his head against the cabinet.)
I...was a mutt.
(Kevin glances off and frowns.)
PAUL (V/O): So the invitations are going out today!
Cut to
Lockers
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him, then turning toward his open locker.)
PAUL: Oh, here - I forgot.
(Paul turns to Kevin, holding an envelope.)
PAUL: I have one for you.
(Paul hands Kevin the envelope.)
PAUL: Special delivery!
(Shot past Paul of Kevin as he takes the envelope and looks at it.)
KEVIN: Thanks!
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: There's gonna be so many babes at this thing you wouldn't believe it! I'm inviting Sandy McClouskey, Jodie Hart and Christine Capone. And I'm gonna make sure the band plays plenty of slow songs. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin as he opens the envelope.)
(Kevin and Paul laugh.)
(Kevin looks at the invitation.)
KEVIN: Ahem!
(Kevin holds the invitation out, and puts a hand on Paul shoulder as he reads dramatically.)
KEVIN: Please share our joy, as our son...
(Kevin smiles and nods toward Paul, who smiles.)
KEVIN: Paul Joshua, is called to the Torah on Saturday, March eight -
(Kevin pauses.)
(Closer shot of Kevin frowning at the invitation, then at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Wait a minute.
(Kevin glances down at the invitation, then to Paul who steps into the edge of the frame.)
KEVIN: It's on the eighteenth?
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: Well, yeah, I thought you knew that.
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and looks off.)
KEVIN: Yeah, but...(shrugs)...that's my birthday.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: Yeah, I know, but...
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and glances down.)
KEVIN: Y-y-y-you didn't tell me it was on the eighteenth.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: Yes, I did! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin as he looks at the invitation and frowns.)
PAUL (V/O): It's supposed to be on the first Saturday after I turn thirteen...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: I told you that.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah, but...I didn't realize...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: I didn't pick for it to be on that day or anything. It's just...(shrugs)...that's when it's supposed to be.
(Close shot of Kevin sighing and looking off.)
KEVIN: I know.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: I mean, I'd change it if I could, but, you know, it's like really important. It's a tradition.
(Close shot of Kevin sighing and looking off.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: You're not mad, are you?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well...no, I'm not mad, it's just...(gestures)...I-I'm not gonna be able to come, is all.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: You're not?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, no. I mean...
(Kevin looks off and gestures.)
KEVIN: My parents have this whole big huge thing...
(Kevin looks back to Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Planned for my birthday.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking disappointed.)
PAUL: Not even for the ceremony?
(Close shot of Kevin as he shrugs slightly.)
KEVIN: Well, Paul, I can't help it if you're having your stupid bar mitzvah on my birthday! I mean, I'm really sorry to tell you this...(frowns)...but you're not the center of the whole stupid world!
(Shot from behind Paul as Kevin frowns and slams his locker closed, and walks past Paul and the camera.)
(Paul turns and looks after him off-screen.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin walking down the hallway and starting to turn a corner.)
(Shot of Kevin walking toward the camera as he turns the corner. He frowns and leans back against the lockers.)
Happy birthday...to me...
Fade to
Ext. Day - Arnold Driveway
(Long shot of the back of the car in the driveway near the garage. The hood is up, and Jack is leaning into it. Kevin's bike leans against the side of the house.)
JACK (V/O): Wrench!
(Shot of Kevin and Jack at the front of the car. Kevin bends down and gets a wrench from the toolbox, and holds it out toward Jack.)
JACK: No, not the crescent...the three-quarter.
(Shot past Jack of Kevin frowning and looking at the wrench, then getting another one, and holding it out toward Jack.)
KEVIN: Here...
(Jack takes the wrench.)
NORMA (V/O): Kevin, honey?
(Shot of Kevin and Jack at the front of the car as Jack wrenches, and Norma leans out of the door at the "back" of the kitchen.)
NORMA: Paul's on the phone...again.
(Shot past Jack of Kevin frowning and shaking his head, and looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Tell him I'm busy!
(Closer shot of Norma in the doorway.)
NORMA: It's the third time he called...(Frowns.)
(Shot past Jack of Kevin frowning at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, I don't want to talk to him - I'm helping Dad!
(Shot of Norma in the doorway and she sighs and goes inside.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen as he wrenches.)
I guess the old guy must have sensed something was wrong.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack glancing toward the motor, then back to Kevin off-screen.)
Go ahead, Dad, ask. "I haven't seen Paul around lately".
(Jack strains as he wrenches.)
"You two having a fight, or something?"
(Jack holds his hand out and wiggles his fingers.)
JACK: Screwdriver.
(Close shot of Kevin as he sighs.)
OK, so he didn't sense it.
(Kevin bends over and gets the screwdriver.)
I mean, what did I expect?
(Close shot of Jack looking at the motor as he takes the screwdriver.)
The man wasn't a mind-reader.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the motor.)
I'd just tell him what was bothering me.
(Kevin shrugs and shakes his head slightly.)
KEVIN: We aren't really talking to each other these days.
(Close shot of Jack frowning at the motor as he wrenches.)
JACK: Hah?
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Paul and me...(shrugs)...we aren't really talking to each other.
(Close shot of Jack looking down at the motor.)
JACK: Ah...
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: So, ya know, I'm not going to be going to his stupid bar mitzvah. (Shrugs.)
(Close shot of Jack looking down at the motor.)
JACK: Ya don't say...
(Close shot of Kevin looking off and frowning.)
KEVIN: It's on the same day as my birthday. My thirteenth birthday...
(Close shot of Jack looking down as he wrenches.)
KEVIN (V/O): Can you believe it?
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Huh - I mean, the whole point of a bar mitvah is so dumb, anyways. I mean, he's only thirteen years old, and everyone's telling him he's a man. (Frowns.) Now that's really stupid.
(Close shot of Jack looking down as he wrenches.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): I mean, he's just a little kid, don't you think?
(Close shot of Jack as he strains to unloosen a bolt.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Dad?
(Shot of Jack as he loosens a bolt, glances up quickly, then back to the motor.)
JACK: Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah - that's pretty stupid.
(Some Snuffy guitar plays.)
(Close shot of Kevin sighing slightly and looking off, then back to Jack.)
KEVIN: Dad?
(Close shot of Jack looking down as he wrenches.)
JACK: Huh?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: When did you first learn to work on cars?
(Wider shot of Jack looking down at the motor as he wipes his hands with a rag.)
JACK: I don't know - it's just something I picked up along the way, I guess.
(Close shot of Kevin looking down, then back to Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, is Grampa good at working on cars?
(Shot of Jack as he wipes his hands.)
JACK: Oh, sure. (Nods.)
(Jack frowns at the motor.)
JACK: I guess I learned most of it from him.
(Shot of Kevin looking toward the motor, then reaching toward it. He looks at Jack off-screen.)
(Snuffy's guitar ends.)
KEVIN: The...fanbelt looks sorta loose.
(Shot of Jack frowning, then looking closer at the motor.)
JACK: Huh?
(Jack reaches toward the fanbelt.)
JACK: Ya know, you're right.
(Shot past Jack of Kevin.)
JACK: It's half rotten.
(Shot of Jack frowning at the motor.)
JACK: I don't know why I didn't think to check that.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the motor, then Jack off-screen.)
JACK (V/O): Hey, look, there's a...extra fanbelt in the toolbox.
(Close shot of Jack smiling slightly at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Why don't you help me try to put it on?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: OK! (Smiles.)
(Snuffy's guitar starts again.)
(Fade to another shot of Jack and Kevin at the front of the car. Jack puts a socket on a wrench.)
As I worked on the car with my father...
(Fade to a wider shot of them at the front of the car.)
I began to realize what I'd been looking for all along. I just needed...recognition.
(Fade to a close shot of them working on the car.)
Something to tell me that I was growing up.
(Fade to a shot of Jack looking over the motor as Kevin wrenches.)
KEVIN (V/O): OK...
JACK: That's good.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the motor as he finishes wrenching.)
JACK (V/O): Hey, Wayne!
(Kevin looks up.)
(Shot of Jack looking at Wayne off-screen.)
JACK: Get out here and start the car!
(Snuffy's guitar ends.)
(Close shot of Kevin straightening up.)
KEVIN: I-I can do it!
JACK (V/O): Nah, I don't think so, Kev - you're not tall enough.
(Shot past Kevin as Wayne approaches behind Jack, and Jack hands the keys to Wayne.)
JACK: Here, start it up nice and easy.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yes I am!
(Wider shot of Kevin leaning on the car as Wayne walks past the camera and pushes Kevin as he passes him.)
WAYNE: Step aside, little sprout!
(Close shot of Jack leaning over the motor, looking at Wayne off-screen.)
JACK: Don't give it too much gas till I tell ya.
(Shot through the window of Wayne getting in the car.)
JACK (V/O): I don't want to flood the engine.
(Shot of Kevin standing at the front of the car.)
The story of my twelve-and-three-quarter-year-old life.
(Kevin moves over and rests on the fender as Wayne starts the car.)
As much a man as the next guy, until the cards were on the table.
(Kevin rests his hand near the motor and looks off in thought.)
Then it's a fine "how do you do", a pat-him-on-the-head, and -
JACK (V/O): Dammit, Kevin!
(Kevin jerks back in surprise.)
(Close shot of Jack frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Get the hell away from that engine. (Points.) That thing'll take your hand off!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
(The motor pops and dies.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at the motor and frowning.)
(Shot through the windshield of Wayne.)
WAYNE: Not...anymore.
(Shot of Jack as he frowns and throws a rag at the motor.)
JACK: Ah...
(Shot of Kevin as he frowns and hurries past the camera.)
(Shot past Jack of the door, as Kevin passes the camera and goes inside, slamming the door behind him.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Arnold Living Room
(Shot of Norma holding a birthday cake, and singing "Happy Birthday".)
NORMA: Happy birthday...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the cake off-screen.)
ALL (V/O): Dear Kevin...
(Wider shot of Wayne, Karen and Kevin on the couch, as Norma kneels in front of the table and sets the cake down.)
ALL: Happy birthday to you.
(Wayne sings "And you smell like one too".)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling half-heartedly as the others clap their hands.)
Well, my entrance into the teen years.
(Kevin leans forward and takes a breath.)
The big "one-three".
(Kevin blows out the candles.)
Could it get any sweeter than this?
(Shot of all as Norma stands up and walks past the camera.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking after her off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): Darn! Your dad wanted to have the car back in time for the party...
(Close shot of Norma frowning as she looks through the blinds of the window.)
NORMA: So we could all go for a ride after.
(Close shot of Kevin sighing and glancing around.)
Yep. Paul gets a band and a thousand bucks...and I get a ride in an Impala with a new fuel pump.
(Wider shot of Wayne, Karen and Kevin as Norma walks past the camera and kneels in front of the table.)
NORMA: Well, why don't we just start? He'll be along.
KAREN: Here.
(Karen taps one of the presents.)
KAREN: Open mine first.
(Kevin picks up a large colored envelope.)
(Close shot of Karen smiling and looking at the envelope off-screen.)
(Close shot of Norma smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly as he opens the envelope.)
KEVIN: A poem.
(He holds up a piece of paper.)
(Wider shot of all as Karen snatches it from Kevin and stands up.)
KAREN: Here. I'll read it out loud. It's called "The Pain of Youth".
(Close shot of Kevin looking up toward Karen off-screen.)
KAREN (V/O): The pain of youth.
(Close shot of Karen looking at the poem as she reads.)
KAREN: All its slings and arrows...
(Close shot of Kevin looking up toward Karen, then toward Norma off-screen.)
KAREN (V/O): Stands breathless, facing time.
(Kevin looks back toward Karen off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Karen off-screen.)
KAREN (V/O): Edging its way to the rim of the nest.
(Close shot of Norma frowning slightly as she listens.)
KAREN (V/O): He is pushed, left to fall.
(Close shot of Kevin looking up at Karen off-screen.)
KAREN (V/O): Fall. Fall to the earth.
(Close shot of Karen looking at the poem as she reads.)
KAREN: And break, writhing in pain.
(A horn sounds outside. Karen looks up.)
KAREN: Oops!
(Wider shot of all as Karen smiles and looks at Norma.)
KAREN: That's my ride - I gotta go.
(Karen bends down, hold the poem out and pats Kevin on the shoulder.)
KAREN: Happy birthday, Kev.
(Karen steps over Kevin and exits toward the door.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the poem, then Karen off-screen, and smiling slightly.)
NORMA (V/O): Why don't you open the rest of your presents?
(Kevin looks toward the table.)
Yeah, presents!
(Kevin smiles as he picks up a present.)
Who needed a rite-of-passage?
(Close shot of Norma smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
Who needed a father's support?
(Shot of Kevin as he slides the paper off a present.)
I had...
(Kevin opens the cardboard box and looks inside.)
KEVIN: A turtleneck.
(He smiles a little disappointedly.)
(Shot of Kevin wearing the turtleneck, lifting a bathrobe from another box.)
KEVIN: A bathrobe.
(Shot of Kevin wearing the bathrobe over the turtleneck, holding a wallet.)
KEVIN: A wallet. (Smiles.)
And finally...
(Shot of Kevin holding a book in both hands.)
KEVIN: A thesaurus.
(Kevin sets the book down, and smiles disappointedly.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at the book, then Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Well, I just thought when you were writing a term paper or something, and you wanted to say something is "good", for example...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the book off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): Then you just turn to "good"...and you can say "considerate"...
(Close shot of Norma looking at the book.)
NORMA: "Unblemished", or "pure".
(Norma looks at Kevin off-screen and smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking between the book and Norma off-screen.)
Any synonyms for "extremely disappointed" in there?
Fade to
Int. Day - Kevin and Wayne's Bedroom
(Snuffy's version of "Bookends Theme" plays.)
(Shot of Kevin lying face down on his bed with his hands under himself. The camera moves in slowly.)
(Kevin gets up on his elbows. The thesaurus and wallet are under him.)
(Close shot of the book and wallet as Kevin removes the I.D. card from the wallet.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he hold up a pen, clicks it out, then starts to write on the card.)
(Close shot of the card as he writes "Kevin" on the name line.)
(Shot of Kevin as he writes. He moves to the next line, then pauses and looks off, then sighs heavily. He puts his head on his fist and looks at the card.)
(Very close shot of the card as Kevin prints "13" on the age line.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he looks at the card and sighs.)
Fade to
Int. Day - Synagogue
(A man is chanting in Hebrew off-screen as Alvin puts a sash on Paul.)
(Closer shot of both as Alvin adjusts the sash.)
(The camera pans with Paul as he approaches the podium between two men. The rabbi finishes his line.)
PAUL: (Hebrew phrase.)
(Wider shot from behind the audience of Paul and the men standing next to him.)
AUDIENCE: (Hebrew reponse.)
(Closer shot of Paul.)
PAUL: (Long Hebrew phrase.)
(Shot of Debbie smiling in the audience. The camera pans across to Ida, who is near tears, to Grampa Pfeiffer looking on intently.)
(Shot of Paul and the two men as Paul finishes speaking.)
AUDIENCE: (Hebrew reponse.)
(A rabbi hands Paul a small object.)
(Wide shot of the audience as Kevin enters the door at the back of the synagogue, dressed in a suit and tie.)
(Closer shot of Kevin pausing just inside the door.)
(Shot of Paul looking up toward Kevin off-screen, and smiling slightly.)
(Shot of Kevin smiling at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Paul smiling, then looking at the podium.)
PAUL: (Long Hebrew phrase.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Paul looking at the podium as he reads his prayers.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
Fade to
"Later"
(Shot of three band members as they play "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy".)
(Shot of Kevin in the middle of the room, looking around the party.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Paul in the distance, being congratulated by a man.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Closer shot of Paul being hugged by Grandpa Pfeiffer, as Alvin and Ida smile.)
(Paul smiles at Grandpa, then turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): I'll be right back.
(Wider shot of Paul approaching the camera, which pans over to include Kevin.)
PAUL: Hi! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Hi. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Thanks for coming.
(Close shot of Kevin. He shrugs and frowns slightly.)
KEVIN: Sorry I was so late.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: That's OK. I felt like such a jerk up there. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: No. You were good. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Paul smiling.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: You had this big thing hangin' from your nose...
(Close shot of Paul smiling.)
KEVIN (V/O): But you were good.
(Paul slaps Kevin on the shoulder.)
PAUL: Butthead. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)
ALVIN (V/O): Paul! Come on over here!
(Kevin looks past Paul.)
(Shot from behind Kevin of Paul turning around. Alvin and some kids are motioning to him in the background.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking a little puzzled.)
PAUL (V/O): Come on.
(Paul pulls Kevin past the camera.)
KEVIN: What...?
(Wide shot of Kevin and Paul joining the group. They form a circle and start to dance to Hava Nagila.)
(Closer shot of Kevin and Paul as they circle around.)
(A shot from behind as Kevin and Paul circle around.)
Fade to
"Later"
(Wider shot of the group still dancing.)
And so it turned out to be a great birthday after all.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling as he dances around. The camera stays on him.)
I slow danced with Paul's Aunt Selma.
(Wider shot of Debbie smiling as Kevin joins hands with her, smiling also. The camera pans to Kevin and Paul looking at each other and smiling.)
I ate more than Mrs. Pfeiffer could have dreamed possible. And in a funny way...when I look back on it...
Fade to
"Later"
I sorta feel like it was my bar mitzvah, too.
(Kevin and Paul move clockwise. The camera pauses, then moves the opposite direction in a blur.)
(Fade to slow motion shot of Kevin smiling as he dances. "Bookends Theme" starts. The image freezes.)
(Fade to a photograph of Paul and Kevin dancing with joined hands, and smiling.)
(Fade to a photograph of Alvin, Grandpa Pfeiffer, and Ida dancing with joined hands, all smiling.)
"Time it was, and what a time it was...it was..."
(Fade to a photograph of Debbie in close-up, looking into the camera and smiling.)
"A time of innocence..."
(Fade to a photograph of Paul and Kevin dancing with joined hands, and smiling.)
(Fade to a photograph of a closer shot of Paul and Kevin smiling.)
"A time of confidences..."
(Fade to a photograph of Grandpa Pfeiffer looking off, with Paul and Kevin smiling at each other.)
"Long ago...it must be..."
(Fade to a photograph of Paul clapping his hands and standing next to Kevin as Debbie hugs Kevin.)
"I have a photograph. Preserve you memories..."
(Fade to a photograph of Paul and Kevin looking at each other as they clap their hands.)
"They're all that's left you"
(The photograph slowly fades to black-and-white.)
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Grandpa Pfeiffer - Philip Sterling
Alvin Pfeiffer - John C. Moskoff
Ida Pfeiffer - Stephanie Satie
Debbie Pfeiffer - Torrey Anne Cook
Music
"Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby" - The Tune Weavers
"Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" - The Ohio Express > The band
"Hava Nagila/Come Let Us Rejoice" - The band
"Bookends Theme" - Simon & Garfunkel
Next Episode
Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
12/26/04 17:30