Paul

Paul Pfeiffer

rainbow

(Ep 79 - "Pfeiffer's Fortune")

Our families grew, and prospered. One for all, and all for one. Until, that is, things started to change.
(Cut to Paul's school. Paul exits the building and a boy approaches him.)
Hey, it's the Pfeiff - how ya doin'?
Great, man.
Take Paul goin' to prep school, for instance.
(Kevin approaches Paul.)
"Pfeiff"? (Smiles.) What - is that like "Barney Fife"?
paul

Well, actually, it's..."The Pfeiff".
Oh, oh - I'm sorry. From now on, you can call me..."The Kev". (Smiles.)
But the changes weren't just about nicknames.
(Paul loosens his tie.)
Man, I got a ton of homework.
Ugh - me, too.
I have a three page report on *Evangeline* due by tomorrow.
I got forty five pages...on economic imperialism. Typed.
(Kevin sighs.)
You win. (Nods.)
Oh, big prize.
And they didn't stop at academic differences, either.
(Cut to the Pfeiffer living room. Ida, Alvin and Debbie are admiring a TV).

There were other changes, too. Bigger changes.
Oh, Alvin! It's wonderful!
Twenty-five inches diagonal.
The Pfeiffer's had come into money.
(Alvin smiles at the boys.)
Isn't she a beaut?
I didn't know you guys were getting a new TV. (Gestures.)
Either did I.
Well, I saw it in the window. And you know me...I'm a spur-of-the-moment kinda guy...(Gestures.) I decided my family...deserves a little luxury.
In this case, "little" being an understatement.
Looks expensive.
Oh, well, you know...(shrugs)...Dad made this investment in some beachfront property.
*
(At Paul's school.)
Whatever was goin' on between my father and Mr. Pfeiffer...I wasn't gonna let it get to me...
Hi.
And Paul.
So why does your dad need that stupid lawnmower anyway?
Of course Paul wanted to smooth things over, too.
What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Oh, come on - it's bigger than your whole yard!
No, it's not bigger than our whole yard.
So we discussed it in a calm and mature fashion.
Well, it's bigger than half your yard.
What is this? (Shrugs.) A math thing?
No, but...but how are you gonna turn it around? In your neighbors' yard? (Nods.)
Admittedly, this was getting off-track. What I really meant to say in a sensitive and caring manner was...
I mean, what's next? You gonna join some pansy country club? (Frowns.)
Well, actually...we already did.
Paul...this is brilliant. (Frowns.) First you go ahead and buy this...huge lawnmower, and then you're gonna join a stupid country club?
Hey, you're the one who's being stupid!
Yep - we were really workin' this thing out, here.
I don't have time for this. (Gestures.) I got things to do. (Frowns.)
Yeah, fine - so do I! (Frowns.)
*
(At the country club.)
Hi.
Hey.
How's it goin'?
OK. (Nods.)
And it seemed pretty clear, one of us had to break the ice, here.
So. You...want to...(shrugs)...do something?
So, when Paul offered the old olive branch...I jumped right on.
Like what? Play tennis? (Smirks.)
(Cut to the tennis court. Kevin winds up to serve.)
(On a PA): Service, Arnold.
(The ball goes over the far fence.)
I thought you said you played before. (Gestures.)
Of course I played before.
As in...twice.
Lemme serve.
No, don't worry about me...(gestures)...I can serve.
After all, maybe I wasn't Mr. Country Club...But I could hold my own.
(Kevin serves into the net.)
Look - you want a few tips?
Tips? What did I look like - his personal waiter?
I got it. (Nods.)
Here - lemme serve. I've been taking lessons.
gatsby

Fine. You want to serve? Serve.
Lessons. Tips. Tennis. Who'd this guy think he was, anyway? The great Gatsby?
(Kevin has a short fantasy of Paul as "Gatsby".)
In retrospect...it was the straw that broke this paupers back.
(Paul serves.)
ball

And in that instant, I only wanted one thing.
(Kevin hits the ball.)
To knock him flat on his ascot.
(The hits Paul on the forehead, knocking off his glasses. Paul holds his cheek and eye.)
Ahhhhhh....
Paul? (Frowns.) Paul?!
(Paul looks disgustedly at Kevin and walks away.)
Paul?
Polo, anyone?
(Cut to outsdie the restaurant. Ida looks at Paul.)
How's your head, honey?
(Paul holds an ice-pack on his cheek.)
Fine, Mom - I'm fine. (Frowns.)
(Paul gestures with the ice-pack, then glances at Kevin.)
*
(At Paul's house later that night.)
Hey.
Hey.
How's your head?
I'll live.
Hmmm. Seemed we were just plumb out of olive branches, here.
Look...(gestures)...it was a honest mistake! I mean, you hit the ball to me, and...I hit it back. (Gestures.) You didn't -
Will you forget about the darn ball?! I don't want to talk about the ball, OK?!
OK. (Nods.)
Sheesh.
Tennis is a drag, anyway. (Frowns.)
(Paul angrily flings some grass blades.)
end

I hate this.
I wasn't sure if he meant me...or the grass-clippings, or...
He's a fine optometrist, ya know.
Oh.
He's a leader in his field.
The thing is, I'd been so busy tearing down my own dad...I guess I'd forgotten Paul had one to tear down, too.
Sure. (Gestures.) Course. (Smiles.)
I mean, it's not like he's broke, or anything. He does OK...Right?
Well...
I wanted to tell 'em that he had nothing to fear. That any man who could produce a son like Paul...was a giant in my book.
You'll probably have to take the mower back. But other than that...(nods)...he's one of the greats.
You think so?
Even if his beach was under water.
Shove over. (Smiles.)
(Kevin sits next to Paul, who points at his bruise.)
You really knocked me.
At the end of that semester, Paul left his prep school, and came to McKinley with me. In a way I think he was happy about it. I know I was. As for the Arnold's and Pfeiffer's...we patched things up. After all, some things are more lasting than real estate. And Mr. Pfeiffer? Think of it this way - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Besides, you never knew when the tide might go out.

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