Episode 111 - "Poker"
OPENING SEQUENCE
Int. Evening - Jeff Billings' Room
(Shot of Jeff standing at his bureau, looking in his open wallet. Music "When I Grow Up To Be A Man" - The Beach Boys plays.)
"When I grow up to be a man"
If there's one way to describe adolescence...
(Jeff flips his wallet closed as he passes the camera.)
It might be this...
Cut to
Ext. Evening - Pfeiffer House
(Shot of the porch as Paul opens the door.)
"Will I dig the same things"
It's a gamble.
(The camera moves in slightly as Paul steps outside.)
"That turn me on as as a kid"
An adventure into the unexpected.
"Will I look back and say"
(Paul looks off, then descends the steps.)
A step into the unknown.
"That I wish I hadn't done what I did?"
Cut to
Int. Evening - Church
(Shot of an elderly woman in front of some candles. The camera pans across.)
It's a time of life that pits hope against fear.
(The camera stops on Chuck, who has his hands together, looking upward and frowning.)
"Will I joke around"
And logic against prayer.
Cut to
Ext. Evening - The Road
(Shot through the windshield of Randy looking forward as he drives.)
"And still dig those sounds"
A game of luck...and opportunity.
(Randy takes a rabbit's foot from his rear-view mirror and rubs it between his fingers.)
Not unlike, say, for instance...
(Doppler sound effect.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - Arnold House
(High shot of a green felt-covered card-table with a pot of pennies in the center, and five pairs of hands holding cards.)
"When I grow up to be a man"
Poker.
(Music fades as Kevin's hand tosses a penny into the pot. The camera lowers and pulls back slowly.)
KEVIN (V/O): Alright - I call.
(Kevin sets his cards face up on the table.)
KEVIN: Pair of queens. (Gestures.) So let's see 'em.
(Randy tosses his cards onto the table.)
RANDY: Two twos.
CHUCK: Nothin' but ace-high.
(Chuck sets his cards on the table and rubs his forehead.)
PAUL: Two pair.
(Paul sets his cards on the table.)
PAUL: Nines and fours. (Smiles.)
The bi-monthly, Friday-night, high-stakes poker game.
(Everyone looks at Jeff.)
KEVIN: Jeff? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Junior year...
(Jeff looks at his cards.)
It was ritual.
(Jeff sets his cards down, and smiles at Kevin off-screen.)
JEFF: Three kings.
(Shot past Jeff of Chuck and Randy looking at Jeff's cards.)
(Close shot of Jeff as he holds his hands over the pot.)
JEFF: Don't worry guys.
(Jeff pulls the coins toward himself.)
JEFF: It's goin' to a good cause.
(Close shot of Kevin gathering the cards.)
JEFF (V/O): Me.
Course, it was more than...
(Wide shot of all as Kevin gathers the cards.)
Just a rotating tournament, depending on whose parents where out for the evening...and it was about more than just cold hard cash.
RANDY: OK - nickel ante.
(Close shot of Jeff putting a nickel in the pot, then putting his hands together.)
This game was defined by personality.
(Close shot of Chuck.)
Ours.
CHUCK: OK, boys.
(Chuck rubs his hands together and smiles.)
CHUCK: How about a little night baseball, huh?
(He sticks out his thumb.)
CHUCK: Nines are wild...
(He sticks out his index finger.)
CHUCK: Threes are wild. Any picture-card with facial hair...(gestures)...wild. (Nods.)
There was the over-enthusiastic...
(Chuck smiles and glances at the guys off-screen.)
(Close shot of Randy looking at Chuck off-screen.)
RANDY: Straight poker.
(Randy looks at his cards and spreads them apart.)
And the all-American.
(Randy looks toward Paul off-screen.)
RANDY: Paul, your bet.
(Close shot of Paul looking at his cards and frowning slightly.)
There was the cautious...
(Paul glances up.)
PAUL: I dont' know - lemme think for a sec.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul? (Nods.) While we're still young? (Gestures.)
And, the impatient.
(Kevin frowns, and thumbs through his cards.)
PAUL (V/O): OK...
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Three cents.
(Paul puts the coins in the ante.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Paul off-screen.)
And of course...
(Jeff looks forward and makes a face.)
The supremely confident.
(Jeff looks at his money and picks up a coin.)
JEFF: A...quarter.
(Jeff puts the quarter in the pot.)
(Shot past Jeff of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: A quarter?
(Kevin looks at the other guys off-screen and shrugs slightly, then looks at Jeff.)
KEVIN: That's kinda steep, isn't it? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Jeff looking at him.)
JEFF: Quarter. (Gestures.)
And despite our different styles...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly at Jeff off-screen.)
We maintained the easy give-and-take of friendship...
(Kevin looks at the other guys off-screen.)
That I knew would endure well into the future.
Fade to
Fantasy
(The image of Kevin is replaced by that of an old man. Some tuba music plays thoughout.)
OLD KEVIN: Don't put the glass right on the table. (Gestures.) My father'll kill me if he sees a stain.
(Shot of Randy and Paul looking at their cards. Their images are replaced by those of old men.)
OLD PAUL: I'm fairly certain these old chairs of yours are aggravating my prostate.
(Shot of old Kevin frowning slightly, and looking at his cards.)
(Shot of old Chuck and old Randy. Old Chuck looks at his cards as old Randy picks his up.)
OLD CHUCK: This hand's an all-time beaut.
(He looks at old Kevin off-screen.)
OLD CHUCK: You should frame it. Hang it on the wall.
OLD RANDY: OK, then...who needs cards?
(Shot of old Kevin looking toward old Randy off-screen, then his cards.)
OLD CHUCK: Gimme four.
OLD RANDY (V/O): Anyone else?
(Old Kevin glances toward Jeff off-scren, then lays down some cards face-down.)
OLD KEVIN: Three.
(Shot of old Randy and old Paul. Old Randy deals a few cards toward old Kevin, then looks at old Paul.)
OLD PAUL: Uh, give me two.
(Old Randy deals out two cards.)
OLD PAUL: Uh, uh, no wait, um...better make that three.
(Old Paul sets another card on the table.)
(Shot of old Jeff and old Kevin.)
OLD RANDY (V/O): Jeff?
OLD JEFF: None. (Gestures.)
(Shot of old Chuck and old Randy looking at old Jeff off-screen.)
OLD RANDY: None? (Gestures.) You sure?
(Shot of old Jeff and old Kevin.)
OLD KEVIN: I fold.
(Old Kevin flips his cards face-down onto the table and frowns.)
OLD CHUCK: I fold.
(Shot of old Chuck and old Randy as they flip their cards onto the table.)
OLD JEFF (V/O): Well, then...
(Shot past old Jeff of old Kevin and old Chuck as old Jeff reaches toward the pot. The camera moves in on his hands.)
OLD JEFF: Guess I'm the lucky winner.
Fade to
Reality
(The image fades to present as Jeff slides the money toward himself. The camera pulls back.)
Still, we weren't old men yet. We were teenage boys.
(Kevin takes a sip of soda.)
Innocent. Uncomplicated.
CHUCK: So, is anyone hungry? (Nods.)
Hungry.
(Kevin looks at Chuck, then they all stand up.)
JEFF (V/O): Let's go.
Cut to
The Kitchen
(Shot of Chuck flipping on the light as the guys approach the camera into the kitchen. Chuck opens a cabinet.)
CHUCK: I got chips...
(Jeff and Chuck squeeze past Kevin and Paul and pass the camera.)
The eight-o'clock snack break.
(Kevin looks in the cabinet above the refrigerator.)
A chance to mix simple pleasantries with...
(Shot of Kevin at the counter, and Chuck, Randy and Jeff behind him, all eating...)
Complex carbohydrates and starch.
PAUL (V/O): I can't believe it.
(Shot of Paul opening the refrigerator and looking at the guys off-screen.)
PAUL: Do you guys have any idea what you are putting into your bodies?
(Paul bends down and looks in the refrigerator.)
(Shot of Chuck, Randy and Jeff.)
JEFF: What do you mean - this isn't healthy?
(Jeff holds up a Twinkie(?))
(Shot of Paul at the refrigerator and looking at the guys off-screen.)
PAUL: I'd hate to see your digestive tract in ten years.
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Paul off-screen.)
JEFF: Tell ya what - you don't ask, and I won't offer, alright?
(Closer shot of Paul looking in the refrigerator, then looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Kev, don't you have any fruit in this house?
(Close shot of Kevin pointing with an Oreo cookie.)
KEVIN: Yeah, it's on the bottom.
(Close shot of Paul looking in the refrigerator, then looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: No, all I see here is an apple pie.
(Shot of the four others.)
KEVIN: Right. (Gestures.) Apple's a fruit. (Smiles.)
(Shot of Paul looking in the refrigerator.)
PAUL: Forget it.
(Paul frowns and closes the refrigerator, then turns toward the dining room.)
PAUL: I got an orange in my car.
(Paul exits toward the living room.)
PAUL: Least I plan ahead.
(Shot of Chuck, Randy and Jeff looking after Paul off-screen.)
JEFF: Boy, he doesn't quit, does he?
(Close shot of Kevin looking from the guys off-screen to Paul off-screen and back.)
KEVIN: What do you mean? (Smiles.)
(Shot of the three.)
JEFF: Well, it's just that he's kinda like, um...how shall I say it? Not fun. (Gestures.)
CHUCK: A major downer. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: What are you guys talking about?
(Shot of Chuck and Randy looking at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: Uh, Kev? About the ski-trip over Spring vacation...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah, we're all still goin', right?
(Shot of Chuck and Randy looking at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: See the thing is...(gestures)...we don't think we're gonna have room for Pfeiffer.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: What do ya mean? I thought...(gestures)...all of us were goin'.
(Close shot of Jeff looking forward.)
JEFF: Well, it's not Paul so much. It's just that, uh...
(Jeff gestures toward Chuck off-screen.)
JEFF: Chuck's car...only-only fits four people.
(Shot of Chuck and Randy looking at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: You can check the manual.
RANDY: And my uncle's cabin only has four beds. (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: So, what are you guys trying to say?
(Shot of the three looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Even though it was pretty clear.
(Jeff looks past Kevin, covers his mouth and coughs.)
(Shot of Paul approaching the camera.)
PAUL: So, what did I miss?
(Paul slows up and tosses his orange from one hand to the other.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
Now, Paul Pfeiffer has been my best friend...
(Kevin looks toward the guys off-screen.)
For seventeen years.
(Shot of the three guys looking at Kevin off-screen.)
I'd always told him everything.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the guys off-screen as he smiles and shakes his head slightly, then looks toward Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Nothing.
(Shot of Paul tossing his orange from one hand to the other.)
KEVIN (V/O): Really.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: No, we were just, uh...
(Kevin looks at the other guys off-screen.)
KEVIN: Talking.
(Shot past Paul of the other four guys. Chuck looks at Randy and Jeff.)
CHUCK: Well, come on guys. Let's get back to the game.
(Chuck leads Randy and Jeff past Paul and the camera.)
(Shot of Paul as Chuck pats him on the shoulder and leads Randy and Jeff through the doorway.)
After all, Paul was just being himself.
(Paul looks at Kevin off-screen and holds up his orange.)
PAUL: Want an orange?
(Kevin passes the camera and Paul.)
KEVIN: No, thanks. Come on.
(They exit through the doorway.)
As opposed, to say...
Cut to
The Game
(Close shot of the pot as Chuck's hand puts a coin on it.)
Some of the rest of us.
(The camera pulls back slowly. Chuck is frowning at his cards.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Chuck off-screen.)
JEFF: Chuck, the bet is a quarter.
(Close shot of Chuck frowning at his cards.)
JEFF (V/O): You threw in a nickel.
(Chuck looks up distractedly.)
CHUCK: Uh...right.
(The camera pulls back as Chuck removes his coin and puts it in his pile. He holds up another coin.)
CHUCK: Quarter.
(He puts it in the pot.)
(Shot of Paul and Jeff as Paul takes a drink of soda and Jeff slides his cards around in his hand.)
By eight-thirty, Chuck Coleman's natural ebullience was fading fast.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck as Kevin sets his soda bottle down and looks at Chuck.)
KEVIN: So, Chuck - what's wrong with you? (Frowns.)
CHUCK: Nothin'! (Gestures.) I just...have some stuff on my mind.
(Wider shot from behind Randy and Chuck.)
JEFF: What kind of stuff?
(Jeff rubs his chest.)
CHUCK (V/O): Uh, you know...
(Shot of Chuck and Randy.)
CHUCK: Eh...(gestures)...me and Alice. (Frowns.)
(Randy looks at Chuck.)
RANDY: What - are you guys fighting again?
(Chuck looks at Randy.)
CHUCK: No, it's nothing like that. (Frowns.)
(Shot of Paul and Jeff.)
PAUL: Well, if you're not fighting, what are you two doing?
(Close shot of Chuck looking off, then frowning and looking down. Music "Piano Concerto No. 1" - Tchaikovsky starts.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at his cards, then pausing and looking up.)
(Close shot of Jeff glancing toward Kevin off-screen, then Chuck off-screen.)
There are moments in life...
(Close shot of Paul looking up.)
That alter history...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jeff off-screen.)
And change the course of human events.
(Kevin looks toward Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: You didn't...
(He shakes his head slightly.)
This was one of them.
(Close shot of Chuck as he looks off and smiles and nods slightly.)
(Wider shot from behind Randy and Chuck as Kevin rubs Chuck's head.)
KEVIN: Alright, Chuck!
JEFF: Way to go, Coleman.
It was a stirring revelation which merited only one response.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Chuck off-screen.)
PAUL: You know, I hope you used some kind of protection. (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck smiling, then frowning and looking at Paul off-screen as the music grinds down slowly.)
CHUCK: Huh?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Chuck off-screen.)
PAUL: I said, I hope you used protection. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Chuck looking off, then shrugging and gesturing.)
CHUCK: Course I did, Pfeiffer. I mean, what kind of stooge do you take me for?
(Shot of Paul and Jeff looking at Chuck off-screen.)
Ask an idiotic question...
(Jeff glances at Paul as he takes a cigar from its package.)
(Close shot of Chuck frowning and gesturing.)
CHUCK: Look - are we gonna play cards or not?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at his cards.)
KEVIN: No, I'm out.
(Kevin tosses his cards face-down onto the table.)
(Shot of Paul and Jeff.)
PAUL: Me, too.
(Paul puts his cards face-down on the table.)
JEFF: Yeah, me too.
And speaking of idiotic.
(Paul looks at the cigar in Jeff's mouth.)
PAUL: Oh, you're not gonna smoke that thing, are you?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): Do you have any idea what it's gonna do to your lungs?
(Shot of Paul and Jeff.)
PAUL: Not to mention my sweater? (Gestures.)
(Jeff smirks slightly as he handles a book of matches.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck looking toward Paul and Jeff off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): I don't believe it - he's actually lighting it.
(Shot of Paul and Jeff as Paul frowns and looks forward, and Jeff blows smoke toward him.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him as Paul fans the smoke.)
KEVIN: Paul, come on...(frowns)...it's only a cigar. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Look I have some air-freshener in my car - I'll be right back.
(Paul stands up.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Paul off-screen and shaking his head slightly. He removes his cigar and gestures with both arms.)
I guess you could say Paul's consistency...
(Close shot of Kevin looking from Jeff off-screen, then Chuck and Randy off-screen.)
Was getting a little too consistent.
(Shot of Chuck and Randy as Chuck puts his head down and rubs his neck.)
CHUCK: Uh...brother.
(Randy folds his arms.)
And so maybe it was time...
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
To have a little talk with old Paul.
(Wider shot of all as Kevin stands up.)
KEVIN: I'll be back in a minute.
(He exits past Chuck.)
Cut to
Ext. Night - Arnold Front Yard
(Shot of the hedge as Paul walks past it onto the lawn.)
To clue him in to public opinion.
(Paul approaches the camera which rolls back.)
Delicately. Diplomatically.
(Kevin follows Paul and spreads his arms.)
KEVIN: Paul, you're being a real pain.
(Kevin moves beside Paul as they approach the sidewalk.)
PAUL: What? What's that supposed to mean?
(The camera pans with them as they cross the sidewalk.)
KEVIN: Well...ya just gotta lighten up a little.
PAUL: Lighten up about what?
(Paul reaches for the door handle of his car, and Kevin presses his hand on the door.)
KEVIN: Well, for starters, you can forget about the air-freshener.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Do you know how much it smells in there?
KEVIN (V/O): Paul, who cares?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen, then looking off and gesturing.)
KEVIN: It's just the guys...
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: And we're playin' poker. I mean, don't make such a big deal out of it, OK?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): OK?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen and nodding slightly.)
PAUL: OK. Yeah.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Great. (Smiles.)
Cut to
The Game
(Shot past Jeff and his smoking cigar, of Paul as he sprays air-freshener toward Jeff.)
Great.
(The camera pulls back as Jeff fans the air and blows smoke toward Paul.)
RANDY: Straight.
CHUCK: That's not a straight.
(Randy points toward his cards on the table. The camera moves across behind Jeff.)
RANDY: Of course it is. Look. Two-three-four-five-six.
CHUCK: Two-three-four-five...nine. You know what two-three-four-five-nine is? Nothing.
KEVIN: Boy, Randy...maybe you should be studying your math.
RANDY: Yeah, really funny.
(Close shot of Jeff squinting and smiling broadly.)
Which, of course, it was. To us, anyway.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling broadly at Jeff off-screen, then looking at his cards.)
(Shot of Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
RANDY: Hey, will you guys just shut up? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Jeff smiling slightly.)
RANDY (V/O): For your information...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at his cards.)
RANDY (V/O): I failed my last three trigonometry tests.
(Shot of Randy and Paul.)
RANDY: When I flunk out, I bet it'll be really hilarious.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Randy off-screen.)
KEVIN: Oh, come on...(gestures)...you're not gonna flunk out.
(Kevin looks at his cards.)
RANDY (V/O): Oh, yeah?
(Shot of Randy and Paul.)
RANDY: My guidance counsellor says if I don't pass, I'm not gonna graduate.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Randy off-screen.)
RANDY (V/O): What do ya say to that?
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Randy off-screen.)
And of course, there was only one thing to say.
(Jeff sets his cards down.)
JEFF: Three kings.
(Close shot of Chuck looking down and shaking his head as he frowns and starts to cry.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
Of course, some of us were taking the news harder than others.
(Shot of Chuck and Randy. Randy frowns slightly, then rubs Chucks shoulder.)
RANDY: Chuck, it'll be OK...I still have a chance to pass. (Gestures.) If I apply myself, maybe -
CHUCK: Who cares about you? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Chuck off-screen as he blows out some smoke.)
JEFF: What's the matter, Chuck? (Gestures.) You can't beat three kings? (Chuckles.)
(Close shot of Chuck frowning and glancing around the guys off-screen.)
CHUCK: I think Alice is pregnant.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Chuck off-screen.)
JEFF: Here, congratulations.
(Jeff leans forward and holds his cigar toward Chuck.)
JEFF: Have a cigar.
(Shot past Jeff of Chuck and Randy as Chuck frowns and swats Jeff's hand.)
(Shot of Paul.)
PAUL (V/O): I knew it.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul.)
PAUL: I knew it. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Shut up, Paul!
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: I was just tryin' to help. (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah, well, don't.
(Kevin looks at Chuck off-screen.)
(Close shot of Chuck looking down and frowning.)
It's been said sobering news travels in bunches.
(Chuck shakes his head slightly and looks up.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jeff off-screen.)
And after ninety minutes of poker...
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen.)
There was no shortage of sobering news.
(Kevin looks toward Chuck off-screen.)
(Close shot of Chuck looking forward.)
CHUCK: How could I be so stupid?
(Chuck frowns and put his hand on his forehead.)
Chuck was on the brink of fatherhood...
(The camera pans over to Randy, who looks at Chuck off-screen.)
RANDY: Well, at least you're passing trig.
(Randy looks down and frowns, shaking his head slightly.)
Randy was on the brink of repeating the eleventh grade...
(The camera pans over to Paul, who frowns and picks up the air-freshener, spraying it toward the camera.)
(Shot of Jeff blowing smoke toward Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Kevin looking from Jeff off-screen to Paul off-screen.)
And I was on the brink of hating my best friend.
(Kevin knocks a cookie off the table and frowns as he looks toward the floor.)
JEFF (V/O): Knock it off, Pfeiffer.
PAUL (V/O): Not till you put that thing out.
(Kevin ducks down under the table. The camera lowers with him.)
JEFF (V/O): *This cigar* is not going out.
But in addition to it all...
*RANDY: Just don't start...*
(Kevin looks toward Jeff's feet and frowns.)
In addition to the gut-wrenching teenage melodrama playing out before us...
PAUL (V/O): I'm not starting anything - he started it.
(The camera pans down to Jeff's shoe as Kevin reaches for a card underneath it.)
One other thing seemed slightly amiss.
(Kevin pulls out the card and flips it face up. The camera pans up with his hand as he looks at the card.)
KEVIN: Hey.
(Kevin stands up, and flips the card around toward Jeff.)
KEVIN: You cheated!
(Shot of Chuck, Randy and Paul looking toward Jeff off-screen.)
We were in the presence...
(Close shot of Jeff holding his cigar and frowning slightly as some guitar plays.)
Of a crook.
Fade to
Later
(Wide freeze-frame shot of all from behind Paul and Randy, as Kevin looks at Jeff. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)
OK...now, where were we? After an hour-and-a-half of our monthly rotating Friday-night poker game...
(Close freeze-frame shot of Jeff holding his cigar and looking forward.)
This guy's cheating...
(Close freeze-frame shot of Randy looking at Jeff off-screen.)
This guy's flunking school...
(Close freeze-frame shot of Chuck frowning worriedly and looking forward.)
This guy might be a father...
(Close freeze-frame shot of Paul frowning and spraying air-freshener.)
This guy is annoying everyone...
(Close freeze-frame shot of Kevin looking at Jeff off-screen. Music fades.)
And this guy? Well...
(Action resumes.)
KEVIN: You cheated. (Frowns.)
JEFF (V/O): I did not.
(Wide shot of all from behind Paul and Randy.)
JEFF: My fingers were greasy from the potato chips. (Gestures.) I-I-I'm sure a card, ya know, just...
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck looking at Jeff off-screen.)
JEFF (V/O): Shot right outta my hands.
(Close shot of Jeff as he puffs his cigar.)
JEFF: Alright. Alright. (Gestures.) Then ask yourselves this - why would I possibly cheat at cards? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Jeff of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Well, the way I see it...your motive is greed.
(Shot past Paul of Jeff.)
JEFF: Excuse me, Lieutenant Columbo, maybe I'm just a better card-player than all you guys. (Smiles.)
(He taps his head and looks at Paul.)
JEFF: You ever think of that?!
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck looking at Jeff off-screen.)
CHUCK: I can't take this anymore.
(Chuck stands up, and Kevin looks after him as he crosses behind him.)
CHUCK (V/O): This is insane!
(Close shot of Jeff as he blows some smoke toward Paul off-screen.)
And somehow...
(Close shot of Paul frowning and spraying air-freshener toward Jeff off-screen.)
I couldn't avoid the thought maybe Chuck was right.
(Shot of Kevin frowning, then standing up and exiting.)
Cut to
The Kitchen
(Shot past Chuck of Kevin approaching through the doorway. The light is off.)
KEVIN: You OK?
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck looking at him, then looking down, then back to Kevin.)
CHUCK: Listen, I-I know what you're thinking. (Gestures.) That my life would be over.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: No...(Smiles.)
CHUCK (V/O): No, I-I know how it sounds.
(Kevin frowns.)
(Close shot of Chuck looking at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: But it wouldn't be that bad, really.
(Chuck looks down.)
CHUCK: I mean, Alice and I...
(Chuck looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: We could live in my parents' attic until we graduate high school...and after that...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): We could live in the garage...
KEVIN: Chuck, why don't you wait till you find out for sure? (Gestures.) I mean, it's not like you're a doctor, or anything. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Chuck frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: You think so? (Smiles.)
(Wider shot from behind Chuck of both.)
KEVIN: Yeah.
(Kevin gestures and steps forward.)
KEVIN: Yeah, I mean...
(Kevin gestures and faces Chuck.)
KEVIN: How much do you really know about biology, anyway?
Apparently just enough to be dangerous.
(Paul enters from the dining room and switches on the light, then walks between Kevin and Chuck.)
PAUL: Excuse me - I gotta make a phone call.
(Paul passes the camera. Kevin looks after him off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul! (Frowns.)
(Chuck starts to exit.)
(Shot of Paul holding the phone handset and looking over his shoulder toward Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah?
(Paul looks at the phone as he dials.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen as Chuck exits in the background.)
KEVIN: We were in here. (Gestures.)
(Kevin looks over his shoulder to Chuck, who has just walked thought the dining room.)
KEVIN: Ya know, Chuck and I...
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen and gestures.)
(Shot of Paul holding the phone handset and approaching the camera.)
PAUL: Right...(Gestures.) And now Chuck left...(gestures)...and I'm gonna make a phone call. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
And I don't know...
PAUL (V/O): Hello?
Maybe because of what the guys had said, or...
(Close shot of Paul looking down as he talks on the phone.)
Maybe because of the way he was acting...
PAUL: Yeah, I'm gonna be a little later than I thought, OK?
But suddenly...
(Shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen, then turning toward the door and exiting, shaking his head.)
I was beginning to see Paul in a whole new light.
Cut to
The Game
(Shot of the edge of the table. The camera rises next to Kevin and Jeff. Chuck is looking at his soda bottle.)
RANDY: I mean, my dad expects me to go to some great college. (Gestures.) I don't know how to tell him I might not even graduate from high school.
(Close shot of Jeff looking down as he shuffles the cards.)
JEFF: I would suggest doing it over a nice dessert.
(He looks at Randy off-screen.)
(Close shot of Randy looking down.)
RANDY: Thanks.
(Shot of Kevin and Randy looking at each other.)
KEVIN: Hey, I'm watching you Billings...(points)...so hang on to your cards this time.
(Shot of Chuck and Randy as Paul takes his seat.)
PAUL: OK. I'm back.
RANDY: Oh, were you gone?
(Shot of Jeff and Kevin as Jeff deals.)
And so, there we were - five friends playing poker.
(Jeff flips some cards over while dealing.)
(Shot past Kevin and Jeff of Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
CHUCK: Hey. Maybe if you dealt a little slower...
(Jeff deals a card face up to Chuck, who picks it up.)
CHUCK: My cards wouldn't end up in the cheese puffs.
Five friends arguing and sniping.
(Shot of Jeff and Kevin as Jeff deals.)
Carping, and whining. Taking humbrage at even the pettiest offense.
JEFF: Yeah, well maybe if you learned how to shuffle, you could deal once in a while, huh?
(Jeff flips over more cards while dealing.)
CHUCK (V/O): You call that dealing?
(Shot past Kevin and Jeff of Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
JEFF (V/O): Suffer.
(Paul reaches for his cards and accidentally knocks his plastic glass off the table and gestures.)
Five friends who couldn't agree on a thing.
(Randy looks at the snack bowl as Paul picks up his glass.)
RANDY: Hey.
(Randy tilts the bowl forward.)
RANDY: We're out of food.
Except one thing.
(Shot of Kevin and Jeff.)
JEFF: Yeah, someone should run out and get more.
(Shot past Kevin and Jeff of Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
CHUCK: So, who wants to go?
(Chuck looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: Kev?
(Shot of Kevin and Jeff.)
KEVIN: What...(gestures)...leave you guys with all the cards?
JEFF: Alright, fine. (Gestures.) I'll go.
(Shot past Kevin and Jeff of Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
PAUL: No way, he'll just go out and get another deck.
(Shot of Kevin and Jeff.)
KEVIN: Alright, I'll go. (Gestures.) But I'll take the deck of cards with me.
(Kevin stands up, leans forward and grabs the cards.)
JEFF: Course, Kev, how do we know...(gestures)...you won't cheat?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jeff off-screen.)
KEVIN: Me? (Frowns.)
(Shot of Chuck, Randy and Jeff looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
So, naturally...
(He sits down.)
There was only one solution.
Cut to
Ext. Night - Parking Lot
(Shot of a grocery store sign. The camera pans down to Kevin's car which approaches through a parking lot.)
We did what any five petty-squabbling...
(Kevin makes a left turn toward a parking space.)
Distrustful best friends would do.
(Shot of the car approaching the camera.)
KEVIN: God, why does it take five guys to go get food?
(Kevin parks the car in front of the camera.)
RANDY: Because we're hungry. (Gestures.)
JEFF: Because we're morons.
CHUCK: Hey, who you callin' a moron.
JEFF: Hey, figure it out, Sherlock.
(Kevin looks toward the guys.)
KEVIN: Hey - you guys maybe quit pickin' on each other?
PAUL: I'm gonna go get stuff, OK?
(Kevin looks forward.)
KEVIN: No, you go...and you'll come back with twelve pounds of fruit.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder.)
Woops.
(Close shot of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: Stupid. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: What did you say, Paul? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Nothing.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: No - because I heard you say something. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I didn't say anything.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): Well, here's what I say...
(Shot through the windshield of all, as Chuck points at Jeff.)
CHUCK: Maybe you're a moron, but let me tell you something. Stewart and Irene Coleman didn't raise any morons.
JEFF: No, you deserve all the credit for that, right?
(Paul frowns and starts to get out.)
PAUL: I'm outta here...
KEVIN: Me, too.
(Kevin starts to get out.)
Cut to
Int. Night - Grocery Store
(Shot past a woman of Kevin and Paul approaching the camera. Paul pushes a shopping cart as Kevin picks up a bag of something.)
PAUL: No, not those.
(Kevin pauses and frowns.)
PAUL: They're bad for you.
(Kevin forcefully puts the bag back.)
KEVIN: God, Paul...(gestures)...what is your problem?
PAUL: What problem? (Shrugs.)
I'm not sure if I was angry at Paul, or if I was angry at myself...
(Paul frowns, then starts forward. Kevin follows.)
For suddenly hating my best friend, but...
(Kevin taps Paul's arm.)
KEVIN: You know, it used to be fun to hang around with you.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: And I don't know what it is now, but being with you is like...
(Kevin looks off.)
KEVIN: Being...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: What?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: I don't know...
(Kevin frowns and looks off.)
KEVIN: I just think...
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen and pauses.)
But what I didn't want to say was...that Paul had changed.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: You know, Kev...(frowns)...you've changed.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin as Paul walks past him.)
KEVIN: What?
(Shot of both.)
KEVIN: Hey!
(Kevin trots in front of Paul.)
KEVIN: What's that supposed to mean?
PAUL: I mean, you hang around with those guys...(gestures)...and all you care about is being cool in front of them.
KEVIN: I do not. (Gestures.) And besides, they're your friends, too. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: No. They were you friends first. We were friends...(gestures)...so I just came along.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin.)
KEVIN: What, so I can't have any other friends other than you? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking off.)
KEVIN (V/O): That's ridiculous.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You know, I call you when the guys get together. (Gestures.) I invite you to the poker games. (Gestures.) I -
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Yeah, and that ski trip over Spring break...(frowns)...I bet you were gonna invite me to that, too, right?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen and shaking his head slightly.)
PAUL: That's what I thought.
(Paul turns away.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): Hey, I can't even sit in the car with you morons.
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck, Randy and Jeff approaching, as Paul passes them.)
RANDY: Shut up, Chuck.
(Jeff and Paul glance at each other as they pass, then Randy looks at Jeff.)
RANDY: You know, I wouldn't have be here if it wasn't for your cheating.
JEFF: Hey, Mr. Mathwhiz, don't you have some studying to do, or something?
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at them off-screen.)
RANDY (V/O): Look, shut up about my math already. At least I don't cheat.
(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JEFF (V/O): Maybe you should - you haven't won a hand in three months.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and looking off.)
CHUCK (V/O): Why don't you both take a hike. You sound like you're married.
(Kevin looks toward the guys off-screen.)
KEVIN: I don't believe you guys. (Nods.) You know you make me sick?
(Shot of the three guys, with Paul in the far background.)
CHUCK: Oh, yeah? (Frowns.) Well...(shrugs)...what are ya gonna do about it?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: What am I gonna do about it? (Frowns.) What are you gonna do about it? (Nods.)
(Shot of the three guys, with Paul in the far background.)
And of course...
(Chuck glances at Randy, then Kevin off-screen.)
There was only one answer.
Cut to
The Game
(Close shot of the overhead light.)
KEVIN (V/O): Gentlemen?
(Some Snuffy guitar plays as the camera pans down to Kevin.)
KEVIN: The ante is one dollar.
(Kevin antes up.)
(Shot of Chuck as he antes up.)
(Shot of Randy as he antes up.)
(Shot of Paul as he antes up.)
(Shot of Jeff as he antes up.)
(High wide shot of all.)
The last hand of the night.
(Close shot of Chuck frowning at his cards.)
KEVIN (V/O): Cards?
(He looks at Kevin off-screen as he sets two cards face down on the table.)
CHUCK: Two.
(Close shot of Kevin as he deals out two cards.)
The play was intense.
(Kevin collects Chuck's rejected cards.)
The conversation...
(Kevin looks at Randy off-screen.)
(Close shot of Randy looking at Kevin off-screen.)
At a minimum.
(Randy sets some cards face down on the table.)
RANDY: Two.
(Close shot of Kevin as he deals out two cards.)
What had begun three hours ago...
(Kevin looks toward Paul off-screen.)
As a simple...
(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Game among friends...
(Paul sets some cards face down on the table.)
PAUL: Three.
(Close shot of Kevin as he deals out three cards.)
Had, by ten-thirty, developed into an all-out grudge-match.
(Kevin looks toward Jeff off-screen.)
(Shot of Jeff looking at Kevin off-screen, then setting a card down and tapping it.)
JEFF: One.
(Close shot of Kevin as he deals out a card.)
(Shot of Chuck frowning at Jeff off-screen, then glancing at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): I'll take two.
(Close shot of Kevin as he picks up two cards.)
Suddenly, we were no longer boys playing a man's game.
(Shot of Randy looking at Kevin off-screen.)
We were men.
(Randy glances at Paul off-screen, then looks down.)
Men at war.
(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Defending our turf.
(Paul looks at his cards.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at the others off-screen.)
Standing our ground.
(Kevin looks at his cards.)
CHUCK (V/O): Alright.
(Close shot of Chuck.)
CHUCK: I bet twenty cents.
(Chuck puts in some money, then looks at Randy off-screen.)
(Close shot of Randy looking at Chuck off-screen and putting some money in the pot.)
RANDY: Thirty.
(Randy looks at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Paul glancing at Randy off-scren as he puts some money in the pot.)
PAUL: Thirty-five.
(He looks at Jeff off-screen.)
(Close shot of Randy looking at Paul off-screen, then looking down.)
JEFF: And I'll raise you...
(Jeff puts some money in the pot and looks at Paul off-screen.)
JEFF: Fifty.
(Jeff looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jeff off-screen, then looking down as he picks up some money.)
KEVIN: Fifty-one.
(Kevin looks at Jeff off-screen as he puts the money in the pot.)
(High wide shot of all as Paul and Randy ante up.)
It was time to show no mercy. Take no prisoners.
(Shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen.)
The bets were down.
(Kevin sets his cards face up on the table, rubs his hands together, and looks at Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: Pair 'o jacks.
(Shot of Chuck as he sets his cards down.)
CHUCK: A straight. Almost.
(Chuck looks at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot of Paul as he sets his cards down.)
PAUL: Two pair - jacks and nines.
(Paul smiles slightly and rubs his hands together.)
(Shot of Randy as he sets his cards down.)
RANDY: Three sevens.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jeff off-screen and gesturing.)
KEVIN: It's up to you, Jeff.
(Shot of Jeff looking off and rubbing his nose.)
(Shot past Jeff of Randy looking at him.)
And then...
(Shot past Randy of Jeff looking at him, then his cards, then Randy again, and slapping his cards face down on the table and joins his hands.)
JEFF: I fold.
(Shot past Jeff of Randy looking at him.)
JEFF (V/O): I got nothin'.
(Randy looks at the cards, then the others off-screen, then Jeff.)
RANDY: You mean, I win?
(Shot past Randy of Jeff looking at him.)
JEFF: You win.
(Shot of Randy.)
RANDY: I won. (Smiles.) I can't believe it - I won.
(Randy pulls the money toward himself.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Randy and chuckling.)
At the very brink of disillusionment...
(Shot of Paul chuckling.)
And despair...Randy Mitchell...
(Shot of Jeff smiling.)
The perpetual loser...
(Shot of Randy smiling as he picks up some coins.)
Finally won a hand.
(Shot of Kevin as the telephone rings.)
KEVIN: I'll get it.
(Kevin starts to stand up.)
(Wide shot of all as Kevin passes the camera.)
(Shot of the telephone on a table as Kevin passes the camera on picks it up.)
KEVIN: Hello? .......Yeah. Yeah, hang on.
(Shot of the guys turning toward Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): Chuck, it's Alice.
(Chuck looks at the guys, then stands up and passes the camera.)
(Shot of Kevin as Chuck passes the camera and takes the phone from him. Kevin looks at him expectantly as Chuck shrugs and shakes his head slightly.)
CHUCK: Alice?
(Shot of the guys at the table looking toward Chuck off-screen.)
(Close shot of Chuck as he smiles.)
CHUCK: That's great. (Smiles.) Uh...that-that's great.
(Shot of the guys at the table looking toward Chuck off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): Yeah. Me, too.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck.)
CHUCK: I'll call you when I get home. OK, bye.
(Chuck hangs up the phone, looks at Kevin, then looks at the guys off-screen and gestures.)
CHUCK: She's not pregnant! (Smiles.)
(He looks at Kevin, who smiles.)
(Shot of the guys at the table looking toward Chuck off-screen.)
And there you had it.
(The guys smile at each other.)
Fortune in men's lives.
(Kevin and Chuck sit down. Chuck and Paul shake hands.)
Face it. In poker...and friendship...
(Chuck rubs his hand back through his hair.)
Anything could happen.
(Chuck lifts his soda bottle.)
Cut to
Ext. Night - The Porch
(Shot of Kevin opening the door and stepping onto the porch.)
And anything usually did.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder as Randy leads Paul out the door.)
KEVIN: Seeya later, guys.
RANDY: Thanks, Kev. Guess I'll go hit the books. (Gestures.)
(Randy passes the camera, and Paul looks at Kevin.)
PAUL: Seeya.
(Paul passes the camera as Kevin frowns at him. Chuck walks outside.)
CHUCK: Boy...(gestures)...I will never have sex again. (Frowns.)
(Chuck passes the camera. Kevin looks after him and smiles as Jeff steps outside.)
CHUCK (V/O, Faintly): Hey, wait up!
(Kevin looks at Jeff.)
KEVIN: Hey, Jeff. Sorry about that last hand.
JEFF: Well...(gestures)...he deserved to win one.
(Jeff pats Kevin's shoulder.)
JEFF: Seeya Monday, man.
(Jeff passes the camera.)
KEVIN: Bye. (Smiles.)
JEFF (V/O, Faintly): Hey, Coleman...you owe me seven bucks.
CHUCK (V/O, Faintly): I do not.
JEFF (V/O, Faintly): I want an IOU.
(Kevin goes inside and pushes the door closed behind him.)
Cut to
Int. Night - Living Room
(Shot of the poker table as Kevin approaches it.)
The funny thing is...
(Kevin starts to pick up the cards.)
That night, cleaning up...I kept thinking about that last hand. The one that had turned things around...for Randy.
(Kevin looks off, then flips over one of Jeff's cards.)
For all of us.
(Close shot of Jeff's cards and Kevin hand. The king of clubs is showing as Kevin flips over more cards - the king of hearts and the king of spades.)
The one Jeff had lost.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the cards off-screen, then toward the guys outside.)
KEVIN: Wait a minute. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of the cards and Kevin's hand as he turn over another card - the king of diamonds.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the cards off-screen.)
KEVIN: Jeff won. (Frowns.)
(Kevin looks toward the guys off-screen.)
I felt pretty foolish...
(Kevin looks at the cards off-screen.)
Having questioned the guy's integrity. His honesty.
(Close shot of the cards and Kevin's hand as he turn over the last card - another king of hearts.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at the cards off-screen.)
That fact that this deck had...
(Close shot of the cards.)
Five kings.
(Shot of Kevin smiling slightly and looking toward the sound of the front door closing.)
(Shot of Paul approaching slowly.)
PAUL: The door was open.
(He reaches for his jacket on the couch.)
PAUL: I forgot my jacket.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Oh.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
I guess that silence said it all.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him, then down.)
That things had changed between Paul and me.
(Kevin looks at Paul.)
That the unspoken ease of our friendship...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
Was slipping away.
PAUL: So, I guess I'll see you in school.
KEVIN (V/O): Yeah.
(Paul turns toward the door.)
(Shot of Kevin hesitating.)
KEVIN: Paul?
(Kevin passes the camera.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul at the doorway as Kevin approaches him.)
KEVIN: Uh...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen, then glancing off.)
KEVIN: I just wanted to say that, uh...
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
But there was no way to say it.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
Those seventeen years...
(Kevin smiles slightly.)
He knew what I meant.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Thanks. (Smiles.)
(Wider shot of both as Paul exits.)
After all...
(Kevin moves to the door and closes it slowly.)
Standing there on the edge of adulthood...we knew that the problems of men were not easily solved.
(Kevin approaches the camera.)
That life was a risk.
(Kevin smiles slightly as the camera rolls back with him.)
That growing up...was a gamble.
(Kevin looks toward the table off-screen and smiles, then turns toward the hallway.)
That the time for bluffing, had passed.
(Kevin puts his hand on the light switch.)
OLD RANDY (V/O): Come on, Paul...
(Kevin turns toward the camera and frowns.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the table.)
OLD RANDY (V/O): Let's see what ya got.
(The images of the guys as old men fade in.)
OLD PAUL: Uh, is this a three, or an eight?
OLD RANDY: Eight.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
OLD PAUL: After forty years, I should think you could afford a new deck of cards.
(Shot of Kevin looking toward the table off-screen.)
Still, ya never knew.
OLD KEVIN (V/O): Jeff...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the guys.)
OLD KEVIN: What's that under your sleeve?
OLD JEFF: My cufflink.
OLD KEVIN: Yeah? Well that cufflink better not be able to beat three queens.
(Shot of Kevin looking toward the table off-screen and smiling slightly.)
OLD JEFF (V/O): Never mind.
With a little luck...
(Kevin turns off the light and turns toward his room.)
Things just might turn out OK.
OLD KEVIN: So, whatcha got?
OLD JEFF: I got bupkus.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
OLD CHUCK (V/O): So. Anyone hungry?
Music
"When I Grow Up To Be a Man" - The Beach Boys
"Piano Concerto No.1 " - Tchaikovsky
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Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
05/08/01 22:25