Episode 112 - "The Little Women"


(News clips of the "Womens Movement".)

(Clip of Bella Abzug sitting at a table, pointing her finger toward the off-screen reporters.)

BELLA: The power structure has too long been a white middle-aged male, middle-class power structure.

(Clip of Gloria Steinem, at a podium, with a black and a white woman behind her.)

GLORIA: There are now large numbers of women who want to change their lot of life, and who are looking for concrete ways in which to do it.

(Clip of the feet of marching protesters. Clip of women holding a poster: "L.I. WOMEN'S LIBERATION". Music "I Am Woman" - Helen Reddy plays in the background.)

By the spring of nineteen-seventy-three, the women's liberation movement was in full force. Across America, a revolution was in progress, shedding old stereotypes...

(Clip of a women carrying a giant typewriter model labelled "ROYAL".)

Building new roles.

(Clip of a large crowd listening to a woman speak at a podium.)

It was a time of raised-consciousness and high expectations...

(Clip of women marching with a banner reading "WOMANPOWER")

A fight for equality and freedom.

(Clip of masses marching toward Capitol Hill.)

Women everywhere were facing difficult and complex choices.

Cut to
Int. Morning - Arnold Kitchen

(Close shot of Norma in the kitchen, looking toward the toaster.)

NORMA: Plain toast or cinnamon-raisin?

Take my mother for example.

(Wide shot of Wayne, Kevin, and Jack sitting at the table. All are reading a newspaper.)

WAYNE: Cinnamon-raisin.

KEVIN & JACK: Um-hummm...

(Shot of Norma approaching with a plate of toast.)

NORMA: Here we are. (Smiles.)

(Shot from the kitchen of Norma, and the guys at the table as they take the toast.)

JACK: Thanks.

KEVIN: Thanks.

WAYNE: Thanks.

(Shot of Norma in the kitchen, putting food on a plate.)

She was a woman of her time. A woman of accomplishments.

(Close shot of Kevin finishing his glass of juice and frowning.)

KEVIN: Mom, we got anymore juice? (Gestures.)

NORMA (V/O): Oh, of course, honey.

(Shot of Norma approaching with a pitcher of orange juice, and a stack of toast on a plate.)

NORMA: There ya go.

(She sets the plate down.)

NORMA: And don't eat too fast.

A woman who was appreciated.

(Wide shot from the kitchen of Norma hurrying back to it.)

JACK: Good eggs, Norma.

KEVIN: Mmmm, Good eggs, Mom.

WAYNE: Good eggs.

(A "Flintstones" episode is on the kitchen TV.)

JACK: Nobody makes eggs like your mother.

(Shot of Kevin pouring his juice, and shaking his head.)

KEVIN: Uh-uh.

JACK: Any more coffee?

(Close shot of Norma in the kitchen, approaching with a carton of milk, and picking up the coffee-pot.)

NORMA: Oh, sure, honey.

(Shot of Jack and the B&W TV on the wall in the background.)

Yep, you might say in everything she did, Mom commanded our utmost respect.

(Norma approaches with the coffee.)

JACK: Oh, let me help you with that, Norma.

(Jack holds his cup out, but looks at the TV.)

(Close shot of Norma pouring.)

And whether it was pouring our coffee, buttering our toast, or simply washing our socks...

(Shot of Jack glancing at his cup, then looking back at the TV.)

We Arnold men supported her, encouraged her...

(Shot past Jack of Kevin, reading the paper.)

Right up until that day, when...

(Shot of Norma taking a breath, and smiling.)

NORMA: I've decided to get a job.

(Shot of Kevin as he glances up from his paper.)

(Shot of Wayne glancing up.)

(Shot of Jack and the TV. The "Flintstones" are on TV and Fred is bowling. Jack is looking at Norma blankly.)

JACK: A job, Norma?

(Shot of Norma standing behind her chair.)

NORMA: I think it's time. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jack looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: It is? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Wayne glancing from Norma to Kevin off-screen.)

Course the way we saw it, Mom already had a job.

(Close shot of Norma leaning forward on her chair and smiling.)

Not that any of us was crass enough to say it.

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: You already have a job. (Gestures.) Taking care of us! (Frowns.)

(Wayne returns to his paper.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)

KEVIN: Shut up, butthead.

(Close shot of Norma glancing from face to face, off-screen.)

NORMA: Well, I know. But there's not...too much to take care of around here anymore.

(Shot of Jack looking skeptical.)

(Close shot of Wayne.)

NORMA (V/O): Karen's gone, you guys are at the office all day...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

NORMA (V/O): And Kevin's practically in college.

(Close shot past Jack of Norma.)

NORMA: Besides, now that I have my degree, I just thought...(shrugs)...maybe I should do something more...(shrugs)...fulfilling.

(Shot of Jack. He half-smiles.)

JACK: Oh...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Oh....

(Close shot of Wayne glancing toward Jack and Kevin off-screen.)

It was hard to imagine anything more fulfilling...

(Close shot of Kevin glancing off in thought.)

Than taking care of us.

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Well...if you really feel that way...(gestures)...maybe I could find something for ya down at the factory one or two days a week. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen. He nods and looks toward Norma.)

Which sounded reasonable enough.

(Shot past Jack of Norma.)

NORMA: Well, actually, Jack, I was thinking of something a little more...fulltime.

(Norma nods and smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack.)

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Jack to Norma, and gesturing.)

KEVIN: Like what, Mom?

(Shot of Norma gesturing with both arms and smiling.)

NORMA: I don't know yet.

(Norma goes into the kitchen and starts to butter some toast.)

NORMA: Just...something that I could really...sink my teeth into.

(She smiles, then chomps a piece of toast).

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Um, trust me, Norma.

(He shakes his head.)

JACK: Working's a lot different than going to college. (Gestures.) A job's a lot of...aggravation and hard work.

(Shot of Kevin as he nods and point at Jack with his toast.)

KEVIN: Uh-hmmm.

WAYNE: Absolutely.

(Shot of Norma in the kitchen, holding her coffee cup and toast.)

NORMA: I know that, Jack. (Gestures.) But I've decided...to get a job.

(She gestures expansively.)

(Close shot of "The Flintstones" on the TV - Fred drops a bowling ball on his foot. "Whoa-whoa-whoa...!")

(Shot of Jack and the TV. He frowns and glances from Norma to Kevin off-screen.)

To which - given the options - there was really only one response.

(Jack looks at Norma off-screen.)

JACK: On the other hand, maybe I can put in a call to Stan Woods. I hear he's expanding.

(Close shot of Norma.)

NORMA: Thank you, Jack. (Nods.) I appreciate that. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Hmmm. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Wayne looking back to his newspaper.)

Hey, it was the least we could do.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne, then folding his own newspaper.)

After all, the future was arriving - and men everywhere were being forced to deal with it in record numbers.

(Kevin sips his orange juice and reads.)

Cut to
School Cafeteria

(Bell rings.)

(Very close shot of a hand slamming a booklet onto a table.)

(Close shot of Jeff sitting at a table.)

JEFF: Five-forty verbal and five-eighty math. Read it and weep.

(Wide shot of Randy, Jeff, Kevin and Winnie sitting at a table.)

And speaking of numbers...

KEVIN: Oh, they came?

JEFF: Yeah!

(Close shot of Kevin as he picks up Jeff's score and looks it over.)

(Winnie glances toward the card, then away.)

The SAT scores. For six weeks...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

We had been waiting for the two numbers which would determine the next four years of our lives.

(Shot of Randy and Jeff.)

JEFF: Didn't you check your mailbox?

(Close shot of Kevin.)


(Close shot of Randy smiling.)

RANDY: I did.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Yeah, what did you get? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Randy.)

RANDY: Seven-thirty.

(Close shot of Kevin looking surprised.)

KEVIN: Verbal or math?

(Close shot of Randy looking down.)

RANDY: Combined.

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Randy to Jeff off-screen.)

JEFF (V/O): Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it.

(Shot Randy and Jeff.)

JEFF: You can always come work for me.

(Jeff laughs as he looks at Randy, then Kevin.)

RANDY: Yeah, very funny.

It was social Darwinism at its cruelest.

(Close shot of Kevin turning toward Winnie off-screen.)

KEVIN: So, did you get yours?

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin. Winnie acts nervous.)

WINNIE: I don't think it's such a good idea to talk about them like this. (Frowns.) They're kind of private.

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Oh. Well...

(Kevin pats her hand.)

KEVIN: Sure - I understand.

(Shot of past Kevin of Winnie.)

"I don't want to talk about it".

(Winnie nods, then looks away.)

It was practically code...

(Shot of Randy looking down, and Jeff chewing.)

For Ed's Junior College and Autobody Repair.

(Close shot of Kevin gesturing expansively, and looking at Winnie off-screen.)

KEVIN: I mean, besides, it is no big deal.

(Close shot of Winnie looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

KEVIN (V/O): I mean, after all, they're only numbers, right?

(Winnie nods.)

(Shot of Randy and Jeff.)

RANDY: Sure, easy for you to say - you haven't got yours yet.

KEVIN (V/O): So what?

(Close shot of Kevin gesturing.)

KEVIN: When they come, they come.

(He tosses Jeff's score down.)

(Close shot of Winnie sipping her milk.)

After all, I wasn't worried.

(Winnie pauses and glances off.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off and frowning.)

CRYING GIRL: Look at these scores!

(Wide shot of three girls approaching the camera. A cheerleader and another girl are holding a second cheerleader, who is crying.)

CHEERLEADER: I'm gonna kill myself!

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin watching the girls pass off-screen.)

Not much anyway.

Cut to

(High wide shot of students at their desks, and the teacher standing near his desk.)

TEACHER: Hope and despair...

I mean..."worried? - not me!"

TEACHER: ...in modern literature.

(Shot past Kevin of the clock on the wall as he looks at it.)

(Very close shot of the clock dial as the second hand clicks to 3:00 PM, and the bell rings.)

Cut to
Ext. Day - Parking Lot

(Close shot of a tire burning rubber and squealing. The camera pans up to Kevin's car as it speeds away.)


Cut to
Ext. Day - Arnold Mailbox

(Shot of the mailbox as Kevin pulls up to it. He slides over on the seat.)


(Shot from inside the mailbox as Kevin opens it, and removes the contents.)

Heck - if they came, they came. And if they didn't...

(Shot of the mailbox, and Kevin in the passenger seat, pausing while thumbing through the mail.)

They did!

(Kevin closes the mailbox.)

Cut to

(Shot of Norma in the kitchen, wearing a coat, as Kevin enters from outside.)

NORMA: Oh, hi, honey!

(Kevin sets the mail on the table, leafs through it, and pulls out his envelope.)

NORMA: I have the most wonderful news! (Smiles.)

(Kevin hurries past Norma toward the camera.)

KEVIN: Later, Mom.

(Kevin trots past the camera, and Norma frowns.)

Cut to
Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot of Kevin just inside the door, with his back to it, as he closes it.)

(High wide shot of the room.)

KEVIN: Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please...

It was a private matter.

(Shot from outside as Kevin approaches his window, looks out, then closes the blinds.)

(Shot of Kevin through his aquarium, looking at his fish.)

Very private.

(Kevin switches off the aquarium light.)

(Shot from inside the closet as Kevin enters with a flashlight, and kneels down.)

As I stepped into that closet, I kept telling myself it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

(Kevin inspects the paper.)

Nothing but a few lousy numbers in a crummy envelope.

(Kevin flips the sheet over.)

Cut to
Ext. Afternoon - Arnold House

(Wide shot of the street and house.)

KEVIN (V/O): Ya-hoooo!!!

Cut to
Int. Evening - Chinese Restaurant

(Close shot of a Chinese waitress pouring tea. A bit of "Chinese" music plays.)

(The camera pulls back behind Kevin and Jack to show the Arnold's sitting around the table. Norma is smiling at Kevin. Jack turns toward Kevin.)

JACK: I can't get over it. Six-fifty. And what was it? A five-eighty?

It was a night filled with eggrolls and triumph.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling and glancing toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, actually it was a five-ninety.

(Kevin smiles and looks at his food.)

KEVIN: But, ya know, it's no big deal. It's just numbers. It's a...twelve-forty combined.

(Kevin glances at Jack while taking a bite.)

(Close shot of Jack smiling.)

JACK: I'm proud of you, son. (Raises glass.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling, then glancing toward Wayne off-screen.)

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: Yeah, who would have thought our little butthead would turn out to be an egghead? (Smiles.)

(Shot past Wayne of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Thanks.

(Kevin looks at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: I think.

(Shot of Jack smiling happily.)

But the truth was...

(Jack chuckles and looks toward Norma off-screen.)

I had earned the respect of the Arnold men.

(Shot past Kevin of Norma.)

NORMA: I think it's wonderful, honey!

And the woman who loved them.

(Wide shot of all as the waitress approaches next to Jack, and sets down the check.)

WAITRESS: And your check, sir. (Exits.)

NORMA: I'll, uh, take that.

(Shot of Kevin watching as the lazy-Susan turns.)

NORMA: Just send it right over here.

(Shot of Wayne.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack.)

JACK: Norma, what are you doing?

(Shot past Jack of Norma.)

NORMA: Paying the check.

(Norma glances from Kevin to Wayne off-screen, then looks at Jack.)

NORMA: I have a little good news of my own. I got a job today.

(Shot of Jack looking blank. Sound of a Chinese gong.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: A job?

(Close shot of Wayne frowning.)

WAYNE: What kinda job?

(Shot past Norma of Jack.)

JACK: I didn't know you talked with Stan.

(Shot past Jack of Norma.)

NORMA: Well, actually I didn't. I just answered an ad in the paper for a job at Micro-Electronics.

(She glances at Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Kevin past Wayne.)

Needless to say, this was wonderful news.

(Close shot of Norma glancing toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack.)

JACK: Never heard of 'em.

(Close shot of Norma smiling enthusiastically.)

NORMA: Well, it's a new business, Jack - "computer software".

(She glances at Kevin off-screen, then looks at Jack.)

NORMA: I met with the two partners. They're in their twenties - barely Karen's age.

(Shot past Norma of Jack as he glances at Kevin and Wayne off-screen.)

NORMA: And they hired me on the spot.

(Close shot of Kevin glancing around.)

Yep, no question about it. Definitely cause for celebration.

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: So. How much are they paying you? One-twenty-five, one-thirty?

(Jack gestures and smiles.)

(Close shot of Norma smiling.)

NORMA: Two-twenty-five a week!

(Close shot of Wayne spitting out a mouthful of food.)

WAYNE: That's more than I make!

(Shot of Jack looking toward Norma off-screen.)

JACK: Hunh - not for long. (Smiles.) No way they can stay in business paying the secretary two-twenty-five. (Chuckles.)

(Close shot of Norma.)

NORMA: Oh, actually I'm not a secretary...(nods)...I'm the comptroller! (Big smile.)

(Twang of guitar.)

(Close shot of Jack frowning.)

(Close shot of Wayne.)

It was like finding out...Donna Reed had been named...

(Close shot of Norma smiling and glancing around.)

Starting quarterback for the Jets.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Well, that's great, Mom. (Smiles.) I'm really proud of you.

(Shot past Kevin of Norma.)

NORMA: Thanks.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And I was. Kinda.

(Shot past Kevin of Norma smiling and reaching for her purse.)

I mean, give credit where credit was due.

(Sound of a gong as Norma takes her wallet out.)

Cut to
School Library

(Close shot of Kevin's feet propped up on the table. The camera pans across to Kevin sitting back with his hands behind his head, smiling.)

After all, intelligence, talent and brilliance just seemed to run in our family.

(The bell rings.)

(Shot of Winnie approaching.)

WINNIE: Hey, Kevin! (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

Not that I was gonna brag about it or anything.

KEVIN: Twelve-forty.

(Close shot of Winnie sitting at the table and frowning.)

WINNIE: Already? I thought it was just eleven-thirty.

(She glances toward the clock.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: No, I didn't mean that. (Gestures.)

(Kevin puts his feet down.)

(Close shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: What did you mean?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking down, then at Winnie and smiling.)

KEVIN: Nothing. (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Winnie slightly puzzled.)

WINNIE: O-kay...

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking down.)

Well, since she asked...

KEVIN: Just, uh...my...SAT scores.

(Close shot of Winnie smiling and leaning forward.)

WINNIE: You mean you got them?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Six-fifty verbal, five-ninety math.

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie.)

WINNIE: Kevin, that's terrific!

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Well, you know, they're just numbers. Six-fifty...(gestures)...five-ninety...

(Kevin glances off, then looks at Winnie and smiles.)

(Shot of Winnie smiling.)

WINNIE: They're wonderful.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: They're OK.

(Shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: Well, I'm really proud of you, Kevin. (Nods.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Thanks. (Smiles.)

And why not? After all, she was my girl.

(Close shot of Winnie smiling.)

And I knew she understood that in some small way, my achievements were her achievements.

(Wide shot of both, in profile, as a librarian approaches with books, and sets one down.)

LIBRARIAN: Here we are, Miss Cooper. (Smiles.) Yale...

(The librarian sets down another catalogue.)

LIBRARIAN: Princeton...

(The librarian sets down another catalogue.)

LIBRARIAN: And Harvard.

(The librarian starts to walk off.)

LIBRARIAN: I'll have to look for Dartmouth. (Gestures.)

WINNIE: OK. (Nods.)

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin as he frowns.)

KEVIN: What are those?

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie.)

WINNIE: Just some...college catalogues. (Shrugs.)

(Wider shot from behind Winnie of Kevin frowning and picking up a catalogue.)

Funny. I never realized Ed's Junior College had made it into the Ivy League.

(Shot of Winnie glancing off uncomfortably.)

KEVIN (V/O): Winnie?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: What exactly did you get on your SAT's?

(Shot of Winnie sighing and looking down.)

WINNIE: I don't really want to talk about it.

KEVIN(V/O): Winnie, come on.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I mean you obviously did pretty well...(gestures)...so why don't you just tell me?

(Close shot of Winnie. She hesitates, glances off, nods and looks at Kevin.)

WINNIE: Seven-twenty-five verbal...(nods and smiles)...seven-fifty-seven math.

(Close shot of Kevin looking stunned, and thunder sound-effects as the camera zooms closer on his face.)

KEVIN: Seven-twenty-five verbal...seven-fifty-seven math.

(Close shot of Winnie nodding.)

Somehow I skipped "That's wonderful"...

(Winnie frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down in thought.)

And "I'm so proud of you", and cut right to the bottom line.

KEVIN: That's a fourteen-eighty-one. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Winnie frowning and shaking her head.)

WINNIE: Well, it's just a number...

(Winnie glances off, then looks at Kevin.)

WINNIE: Besides...(smiles)...it is a fourteen-eighty-two. (Smiles and sighs.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: I don't believe it!

(Winnie frowns and shrugs.)

WINNIE: Well, aren't you happy for me?

(Kevin frowns and looks up at Winnie.)

KEVIN: Are you kidding?

(Shot of Winnie frowning and looking a little hurt as the bell rings.)

OK, maybe that was dumb.

(Shot from behind Kevin as WInnie starts to gather her books.)

But it didn't take a genius to figure out that instead of standing by her man...

(Winnie looks off and frowns as she stands up.)

WINNIE: See you in class.

(Shot of Kevin watching Winnie leave, off-screen.)

My innocent unassuming sweetheart...

(Kevin glances off and frowns.)

(Wide shot of Winnie walking away.)

My cute, adoring, supportive girlfriend...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Winnie off-screen.)

Had left me in the dust.

Fade to
Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of Norma in business clothes, pulling a pan from the oven, and approaching.)

NORMA: And the technology these people work with is absolutely fascinating. (Smiles.)

(Wide shot of the guys at the table, as Norma sets the pan down.)

NORMA: Did I tell you that we're introducing a whole new product line?

(Norma smiles as she returns to the kitchen.)

It wasn't long before my mother began basking in the excitement...

(Close shot of Norma stirring a bowl.)

Of her new-found career.

NORMA: And guess what?

(Norma turns and gestures.)

NORMA: I discovered today that I can amortize the cost of development over our entire fiscal year.(Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack smiling half-heartedly.)

And as she shared the joys of her new challenge, we reacted like men everywhere.

(Close shot of Kevin looking uncertainly at Jack, then Wayne, off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): That way, we'll be able to expand our base...

(Shot of Wayne frowning and poking at some food.)

We began to feel...shortchanged.

(Shot of Jack frowning, and looking toward Norma off-screen.)

JACK: That's great - now what are the chances that we get some -

(Close shot of a basket of rolls being set on the table.)

NORMA (V/O): Bread?

(Shot of Norma smiling.)

JACK (V/O): Bread...

NORMA: There you are.

(Norma returns to the kitchen for more food.)

NORMA: Of course, we're still trying to keep the prices down - but, over all...

(Shot of Jack sighing and taking a roll.)

(Close shot of Kevin as he takes the basket from Jack, takes out a roll and passes the basket to Wayne.)

And the more we began to feel shortchanged, the more we became...suspicious!

(Kevin frowns and sniffs the roll.)

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: So, where the heck is the -

(Wayne frowns as Norma starts to set some butter on the table.)

NORMA (V/O): Anyone need butter?

(Close shot of the butter dish on the table.)

WAYNE (V/O): Butter?

(Shot of Wayne looking at the butter and frowning.)

(Shot of Norma in the kitchen for more food.)

NORMA: Did I tell you I'm working with Pat Banks on this? She's the vice-president.

(Close shot of Jack smiling, uninterestedly.)

NORMA (V/O): Can you imagine that? Here are the beans.

(Close shot of Kevin gesturing and smiling at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Beans!

(Shot of Wayne frowning, and gesturing quickly.)

WAYNE: Where are the -

(Norma sets a bowl down.)

NORMA: And the -

WAYNE & NORMA: Potatoes.

(Close shot of the bowl of mashed potatoes.)

(Shot of Norma looking over the table.)

NORMA: Let's see. Um...guess we're all set!

(Norma smiles at Jack off-screen as she starts to sit down.)

(Shot of Wayne looking at the potatoes and tasting them.)

But no matter how Mom tried to ply us with butter and beans...

(Shot of Kevin taking a bite of beans.)

We weren't fooled.

(Close shot of Jack looking blankly toward the center of the table.)

Not us.

(Jack suddenly looks up.)

JACK: Wait a minute!

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack expectantly.)

JACK (V/O): Look!

(Norma frowns as Jack's shoeless foot comes into view, as he noisily drops it on the table, rattling the dishes. His big toe sticks out of his sock.)

(Shot of Jack frowning.)

JACK: I got a hole...(points)...in my sock!

(Jack nods and smiles with satisfaction at the boys off-screen.)

Yep - no question about it.

(Shot of Norma turning from Kevin and Wayne off-screen, and staring at Jack in disbelief.)

The place was going to pot.

Cut to
Ext. Night - "The Point"

(High shot of the parked cars, and the lights of the city in the background. "Never My Love" plays on the radio. The camera slowly drops and moves sideways.)

WINNIE (V/O): What's wrong?

KEVIN (V/O): Nothing.

And speaking of going to pot...

WINNIE (V/O): Are you just not in the mood?

KEVIN (V/O): Of course I'm in the mood. I'm always...in the mood. I'm just not a piece of meat, that's all!

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin through the windshield. Kevin is looking forward and frowning. Winnie is looking at Kevin.)

WINNIE: What are you talking about?

KEVIN: Nothing!

(Kevin gestures and looks off. Winnie sits back, looks forward, and frowns.)

There was no way that I was giving her the satisfaction of telling her.

WINNIE: You're upset about my SAT scores, aren't you?

KEVIN: What?

(They glance at each other, then Winnie looks forward.)

KEVIN: Don't be ridiculous! (Frowns.)

(Winnie looks off.)

WINNIE: I don't know why you should be.

(Kevin frowns and looks away.)

KEVIN: Yeah, well, I'm not.

(Kevin turns to Winnie and frowns.)

KEVIN: I mean, how long have I known you?

WINNIE: Almost all my life.

KEVIN: Right.

(Shot of them from Winnie's window. They are looking forward as Kevin frowns.)

KEVIN: And in all that time...

(Kevin turns and frowns at Winnie.)

KEVIN: You never felt like telling me you were smart?

Good thing this wasn't bothering me.

(Shot from Kevin's window. Winnie turns to Kevin and frowns.)

WINNIE: Kevin, you knew I was smart!

(Shot from Winnie's window as Kevin gestures.)

KEVIN: In the fourth grade I knew that you were good at math, OK? I didn't know that you were some kind of...Einstein or someone. (Gestures.)

(Kevin looks away and gestures.)

KEVIN: I mean, gosh, you think you know someone. And then - bam, you find out they're hiding things from you.

(Shot from Kevin's window. Winnie frowns.)

WINNIE: I didn't hide anything.


(Shot from Winnie's window.)

KEVIN: How come you didn't tell me about your test scores?

(Shot from Kevin's window.)

WINNIE: I don't know! I just...(looks forward and sighs)...I just thought that...(looks at Kevin)...it might hurt your ego.

(Shot from Winnie's window. Kevin smiles in disbelief.)

KEVIN: Ego? Hah!

(Kevin turns away smiling, then back.)

KEVIN: That just goes to show how much you know - I don't even have an ego! Hah-hah!

(Shot from Kevin's window. Winnie frowns.)

WINNIE: Kevin, you're acting so stupid about this!

(Winnie turns forward.)

(Shot from Winnie's window. Kevin pauses with his mouth open, then turns forward.)

Now see, if I had an ego, a remark like that might have really, really, hurt.

KEVIN: Huh. So I'm stupid. (Gestures.)

(Shot from Kevin's window. Winnie is looking forward, and frowns.)

WINNIE: I didn't say you are stupid.

(Winnie turns toward Kevin.)

WINNIE: I said you're acting stupid!

(Shot from Winnie's window.)

KEVIN: Oh, but I guess if I were as smart as you...

(Kevin spreads his hands in front of him and smiles, then turns toward Winnie.)

KEVIN: I'd know exactly what you're talking about, right?

(Kevin smiles.)

All in all...

(Shot from Kevin's window of Winnie frowning.)

You could say that I was handling this rather maturely.

WINNIE: I have an idea.

(Winnie pauses, shakes her head, then looks forward.)

WINNIE: Let's go home.

(Shot of both through the windshield as Kevin throws his arms up.)

KEVIN: Hmmph.

(Kevin starts the car, shakes his head and glances at Winnie.)

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Cut to
Int. Night - Arnold Living Room

(Shot of the door as Kevin enters.)

(Shot of Jack lying on the couch, under a blanket. He looks toward Kevin, as Kevin approaches. Sound of the TV in the background.)

Meanwhile, back at the castle.

KEVIN (V/O): Dad?


(Jack looks toward the TV.)

(Shot of Kevin frowning and gesturing.)

KEVIN: What are you doing on the couch?

(Close shot of Jack looking over his shoulder toward Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: You tell me. Women! (Shakes his head.) Phhh- .

(Shot of Kevin as he glances toward the hallway, then approaches the camera.)

KEVIN: Yeah, tell me about it.

(Wide shot from behind the couch as Kevin sits down.)

(Shot of both on the couch.)

JACK: Know what I mean?

KEVIN: Yeah.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the TV.)

KEVIN: Women.

(Close shot of Jack raising his eyebrows and nodding.)

JACK: Yeah.

(Close shot of Kevin shaking his head.)

KEVIN: Phhh...

(Close shot of Jack making a face.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV.)

It was one of the most in-depth conversations on the subject to date.

NORMA (V/O): Sweety?

(Wide shot of both on the couch, as Norma enters behind them in her robe, and steps towards Jack.)

(She holds out Jack's socks like a yo-yo.)

NORMA: Your socks.

(Norma drops the socks on Jack, and bows slightly.)

(Jack smiles at Norma, embarrassed.)

(Norma looks at Kevin, turns around, and exits.)

NORMA: Good night!

(Shot of Jack and Kevin looking at each other, then toward the TV.)

(Sound of police siren on TV.)

(Shot of the TV. The B/W movie "Attack of the 50-Foot Woman" is on. Shot of the husband of the 50-foot woman, a woman, and another man in a cowboy hat.)

-(Hat man: It's your wife! She's wrecking the town looking for ya!
-(Shot of the 50-foot woman attacking the building.)
-(Shot of the three people, with debris falling around them. The woman screams and runs off.)
-(Shot of the 50-ft woman reaching into the building.)
-Husband: No!
(Shot of the husband, and a large hand grabbing for him.)
-Husband: Nancy, no!

(Shot of Jack and Kevin on the couch.)

JACK: Phhhh...

(Jack shakes his head and frowns.)

Cut to
School Hallway

(Shot of Kevin rounding the corner as he walks toward the camera. The bell rings.)

Still, by the next morning, I was feeling pretty shabby about the way I'd acted.

(Two tall girl basketball players are walking on each side of Kevin. One turns toward the other.)

GIRL: Hey!

(Kevin looks at them slightly puzzled as one crosses in front of him, and the girls walk off.)

I realized it was time to accept these in-roads being made by women.

(A woman is talking to two custodians. Kevin passes them, then looks over his shoulder at them.)

It was time to accept the realities of the 20th century.

(Kevin pauses and looks toward Winnie at her locker off-screen.)

(Shot of Winnie pulling things from her locker.)

It was time to act like a liberated man.

(Kevin approaches past the camera.)

KEVIN: Winnie?

(Winnie turns, and looks at Kevin unenthusiastically.)

WINNIE: Oh, hi.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And crawl like a dog.

KEVIN: Hi. Listen, I feel really bad about what happened last night.

(Close shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: Me, too.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: And, uh, well - I thought we can go out tonight. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Winnie perking up a bit.)

KEVIN (V/O): So I can kinda make it up to you.


(Winnie wrinkles her nose and nods.)

WINNIE: That sounds good. (Sighs.)

KEVIN (V/O): Great!

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

I mean, no sense letting a few numbers come between us.

(Wider shot of Winnie, as Mr. Glavin approaches behind her.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

(Shot of Winnie as Mr. Glavin puts his arm around Winnie's shoulders.)

MR. GLAVIN: Winnie!

WINNIE: Oh, hi, Mr. Glavin!

MR. GLAVIN: Congratulations on those SAT's. (Gestures.) Uh, the whole faculty's talking.

WINNIE: Thanks.

(Close shot of Kevin getting a little miffed.)

MR. GLAVIN (V/O): You know, there's a world of opportunity for a bright young lady like you.

(Shot of Winnie and Mr. Glavin.)

WINNIE: Yeah, I'm really excited. (Smiles.)

MR: GLAVIN: I bet you are. (Smiles.)

(Mr. Glavin points at Winnie with his portfolio.)

MR. GLAVIN: Uh, you will keep me posted, won't you?

WINNIE: I will.

(Close shot of Kevin clearing his throat, then smiling.)

KEVIN: Uh...hi, Mr. Glavin.

(Shot of Winnie and Mr. Glavin. Mr. Glavin looks at Kevin off-screen and smiles.)


(Wider shot of all three, as Mr. Glavin pats Kevin's shoulder.)

MR. GLAVIN: How's it going, Kelly?

(Mr. Glavin walks off past the camera.)


(Kevin frowns as he watches Mr. Glavin off-screen, and Winnie waits patiently.)

It was a girl's name.

(Close shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: So where to?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin as he turns to her.)

KEVIN: What?

(Close shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: Where do you want to go tonight? (Nods.)

(Shot of Kevin looking off in thought.)

KEVIN: How about, uh...

And that's when I heard it.

(Sound of jungle drums.)

A far-off call.

(Sound of a bird screeching.)

A primordial cry...

(Sound of a lion roar.)

It echoed across the savannahs of ancient Kenya.

(Close shot of Winnie waiting expectantly.)

It thundered in the drums of ancestral tribes...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And it said to me...

(Sound of Tarzan's yell: "Uh-uh uh-uh uhhhhhh!!")

Cut to
Ext. Night - Bowling Alley

(Shot of the bowling alley sign. The camera pans down to Kevin's car parked in front.)

Take the broad bowling!

Cut to
Int. Night - Bowling Alley

(Shot across the lanes, as several balls roll down the lanes.)

(Close shot of hands removing bowling shoes from the rack.)

(The camera pulls back and pans as the lady puts them on the counter in front of Kevin and Winnie.)

WINNIE: Thanks.

This was the ticket - bowling. It was almost inspired.

(Kevin smiles at Winnie.)

KEVIN: Isn't this great?

WINNIE: Yeah, I guess!

(The camera rolls back as they walk toward the lanes.)

Heh-heh. More than inspired. It was genius. The bowling alley - the last bastion of maledom.

(A waitress carrying a tray crosses in front of them.)

(Shot past some visitors of the ball-racks and lanes. The camera rolls sideways along the aisle.)

An island of stability in a changing world. It was about manly things, like unmuffled clamor, and uncurbed fashion.

(Two men in the foreground are talking and laughing, as one gestures.)

(Wide shot of Winnie looking for a ball in the ball-rack, and Kevin near the scoring table behind her, taking off his jacket. Norma is seated on the other side of the table, bent way over, tying her shoes. Jack has just rolled a ball in the background.)

It was about sweat, and muscle, and grunting and belching.

(Kevin tosses his jacket onto the seat behind him, as Jack approaches from the lane next to him.)

A place that drew real men...like flies.

(They look at each other as Jack reaches down.)

(Shot past Kevin of Jack.)


JACK: Hey...(Smiles.)

(Wider shot of Kevin, and the lounge area in the background.)

KEVIN: What are you doin' here? (Smiles.)

(Shot past Kevin of Jack.)

JACK: I don't know, I...just felt like bowling.

(He gives Kevin a funny look.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

Hmmm. It seemed Dad must have heard that same primordial scream.

(Close shot of Jack turning slightly toward Norma off-screen.)

(Wide shot of Jack, Kevin and Winnie standing, and Norma sitting on a chair tying her shoes.)

WINNIE: Oh, hi, Mrs. Arnold!

NORMA: Hi! Well, what a surprise!

(Norma rises and stands next to Jack. Jack puts an arm around her.)

JACK: So, you two wanna join us?

(Close shot of Kevin and Winnie.)

(Kevin pauses, then looks at Winnie.)

KEVIN: Sure!

(Kevin put his arm around Winnie, then smiles.)

KEVIN: Why not? (Smiles.)

(Shot of Norma and Jack. Norma smiles as Jack moves off.)

What could be better?

(Wider shot of the four of them getting settled.)

A night at the lanes. Guys doing guy-things.

(Shot of Jack sitting, and Norma standing next to him.)

NORMA: Winnie, I love your outfit! (Smiles.)

(Jack turns and smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie.)

WINNIE: Thanks! (Smiles.) Oh, I really like your hair like that.

(Norma smiles self-conciously and touches her hair.)

Chicks talking chick-things.

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie. Kevin is smiling toward his parents, and putting on a shoe.)

Just the way the big guy upstairs intended it.

(Shot of Jack and Norma.)

NORMA: I heard about your SAT scores - I am really proud of you!

Wait a minute!

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie. Kevin frowns as he puts on the other shoe. Winnie smiles.)

WINNIE: Thanks! Oh, and I heard about your job.

(Shot of Norma smiling.)

WINNIE (V/O): That sounds wonderful!

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as he gestures at her.)

KEVIN: Are we gonna bowl, or what?

(Kevin glances at Jack and Norma off-screen.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma.)

JACK: Yeah, let's get started. Norma? (Points) You go first.


(Norma smiles, pats Jack on the back of the neck, and turns toward the lanes.)

(Jack looks after her off-screen, then turns toward Kevin.)

After all, there was no sense wasting time on idle chit-chat.

(Wide shot of all from behind, as Norma picks up a ball. Kevin sits next to Jack at the scoring table.)

There was a game to be played here.

(Shot from the lane of Norma approaching it, and the others in the background.)

WINNIE: Come on, Mrs. Arnold! Knock 'em all down.

(Close shot of Norma shaking her head and looking at the three off-screen.)

NORMA: I'm not really very good at this. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack, through the scoring table.)

JACK & KEVIN: That's OK...!

(They smile patronizingly.)

(Close shot of Norma smiling exaggeratedly, turning, and lifting the ball.)

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack, through the scoring table, watching her off-screen. They look at each other and nod.)

Yeah, it was perfect.

(Wider shot of Norma taking a couple steps, and more-or-less tossing the ball out.)

(Shot from floor-level of the lane, as the ball slowly rolls down it.)

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack, through the scoring table, smiling. Jack chuckles.)


(Shot of the lane as the camera rises, and the ball rolls down the lane, accompanied by a "whoosh".)

Something happened.

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack, through the scoring table. Their smiles fade.)

Mom's ball began what was to become the longest single trek in the history of bowling.

(Wide shot of Norma standing akimbo, watching the ball off-screen. "Fanfare of the Common Man" plays.)

(Closer shot of the ball from higher up.)

Its momentum was relentless.

(Slow-motion wide shot of the guys in the background, and Norma, now near the foul-line, smiling with excitement.)

Its progress inexorable.

(Shot of the ball.)

(Shot of Norma frowning, and "directing" the ball to the right.)

There was an inevitability to the fate of that roll...

(Shot from behind the pins as the ball rolls toward them.)

That carried a message that resounded across the country.

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack turning toward each other. Kevin looks surprised, Jack looks angry. They look back toward the ball.)

(Wide shot of the ball rolling through the pins, almost leaving a 7-10 split.)

(Shot of Norma from behind. She is crouched down, making fists in anticipation.)

(Close shot of Kevin and Jack looking toward the lane, in disbelief.)

(Shot of the pins as the last one topples over.)

(Close shot of Norma turning around excitedly, and jumping up and down.)

NORMA: Yes! Ahhahaahah! I don't believe it!

(Shot of Kevin and Jack. Jack sighs in frustration and looks down.)

(Winnie runs over to Norma.)

WINNIE: Good shot - you got 'em all down.

(Norma and Winnie hug and spin around.)

NORMA: I got a strike, Jack!

(Shot of Kevin and Jack. Jack glances at Norma and smiles quickly.)

NORMA (V/O): Did you see that?!

And something cracked.

(Jack looks up and frowns. Kevin is looking off.)

JACK: What the hell. Let's make it the men...versus the women.

(Kevin looks up suddenly, as Jack flips the light on and frowns at the women off-screen.)

And the devil take the hindmost.

(Kevin slaps Jack on the back.)

KEVIN: Great idea!

(Jack turns to Kevin and nods.)

JACK: Yeah...

(Jack looks back to the women and grins.)

(Four separate shots of balls rolling strikes. Beethoven's "Ninth Symphony" plays through the scene.)

(Shot of Jack jerking his fist.)

JACK: Yeah!

(Jack turns sideways, and does a little swivel-dance.)

(More shots of rolling balls hitting pins.)

The next hour saw one of the greater bowling displays of that, or any other, season.

(Shot of Kevin at the foul-line, smiling and celebrating as he walks back to Jack.)

(Wide shot of Norma and Winnie looking at to each other. Winnie shrugs and Norma frowns.)

Not by the Arnold women...

(Shot of Jack releasing the ball.)

By the Arnold men!

(The camera pans with the ball as Jack gets a strike.)

(Shot of Jack jerking his fist.)

JACK: Yes!

We had it all, Dad and I.

(Jack turns, smiles, and gestures behind him as he struts back toward the table.)

And we weren't afraid to use it.

(Close shot of Winnie and Norma.)

(Shot from in front of Kevin as he releases a ball.)

For the next thirty frames, we took off the gloves.

(Shot of the ball rolling a strike.)

(Shot of Kevin celebrating.)

KEVIN: Yeah!

(Kevin turns, and the focus shifts to Jack at the scoring table. He smiles and gestures as he marks the score.)

(Very close shot of the the score-sheet as two "X"'s are filled in.)

(Shot of a ball rolling a strike.)

(Shot of Jack clapping his hands together and celebrating.)

(Shot of a ball rolling a strike.)

We showed no mercy. We slaughtered 'em.

(Shot of a ball picking up a spare.)

(Shot from in front of Kevin celebrating, then hurrying over to Jack, who is also celebrating.)

KEVIN: Yeah!

JACK: Yeah!

(Shot of Winnie and Norma. Winnie is smiling, and Norma is laughing at the guys.)

(Shot of Kevin and Jack hugging and spinning around.)

KEVIN & JACK: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

And when it was over...

(The guys look toward the women off-screen.)

KEVIN: Yeah...!

I think they were impressed.

(Shot of Winnie and Norma almost laughing. Winnie gestures expansively.)

(Shot of Jack and Kevin side-by-side, holding the score-card between them, smiling at each other, then at the women, off-screen.)

I know we were.

(Beethoven crescendos.)

Cut to
Ext. Night - The Road

(Shot of Kevin's car as it goes down the street.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie through the windshield. "Stand By Your Man" - Tammy Wynette is on the radio. Kevin gestures.)

KEVIN: Sorry, we beat ya so bad.

WINNIE: It's OK. (Smiles.) I had a really nice time.

(Kevin glances at her occasionally, as she looks off.)

That night, driving home, things seemed...right again.

(Winnie leans a little closer.)

WINNIE: I mean, you couldn't help but win.

(She rests her head on Kevin's shoulder.)

WINNIE: You're just so...

(She lifts up and looks at Kevin.)


Cut to
Jack's Car

(Shot of Jack and Norma through the windshield.)

JACK: See, it's all a matter of form. (Gestures.) You wanna put your whole body into the ball...and let your momentum do the work - then release. (Smiles and gestures.)

NORMA: That's wonderful, honey. (Smiles.)

I guess the natural order had been restored.

(Norma puts her head on Jack's shoulder.)

So, we could afford to be magnanimous.

Cut to
Kevin's Car

(Winnie has her head on Kevin's shoulder. He gestures.)

KEVIN: By the way...congratulations on your SAT scores.

(Winnie smiles and looks off.)

WINNIE: Thanks.

(They both smile.)

I mean, no sense being pigheaded. The way I saw it - the world was big enough for all of us.

Cut to
Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot of Kevin fluffing a pillow under himself as he lies in bed, awake, in the dark.)

And besides, so what if women could influence government, take over big business, alter domestic policy, dominate education, make the world a better place.

(Kevin looks toward his night-stand off-screen. The camera rolls in on him as he smiles.)

In one important respect, we had still a lot to teach them.


(The camera pans over to the night-stand, and zooms in closely on the bowling score-sheet.)

Yep, when it came to being jerks, they still had a lot to learn.

Fade to

("Stand By Your Man" ends.)

(Sound of a Tarzan scream: Uh-uh uh-uh uhhhhhhhh!)

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Episode Info
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04/6/5 18:15