Ep 106 -"Ladies and Gentlemen...The Rolling Stones"

Opening Sequence

Int. Day - Classroom

(Shot of a boy standing next to his desk and frowning, as the bell rings. The camera pulls back slowly.)

BOY: And so I figured, since the program was about Indians, that I should watch it...(gestures)...e-even though it meant skippin' the homework.

(Other students nod slightly in agreement.)

Teen logic. At sixteen, it was a tool we used with abandon.

(The camera stops pulling back just behind the female teacher.)

BOY: Cuz, remember...(points)...you said there'd be Indian stuff on the test.

(Close shot of the teacher looking at Domenick off-screen.)

TEACHER: And at what point did you realize that "Kojak" was not an Indian name?

(Close shot of the boy looking off.)

BOY: Um...

(Bell rings.)

Cut to

School Hallway

(Shot of a girl and boy passing a row of three girls who watch them.)

And this logic came in all shapes and sizes.

(One girl turns toward the others.)

GIRL1: I don't care who he takes. Who wants a steady boyfriend, anyway?

(The girl looks after the couple in the background, who are sort of holding each other.)

We used it to help us through life's tough moments.

(Closer shot of the girl looking at her friends off-screen.)

GIRL1: I mean all that making out...(frowns)...just gets your hair all sweaty.

(She is nearly in tears as she exits past the camera and the other girls look after her.)

(Shot of a man followed by a boy descending the stairs toward the camera.)

BOY: So what's the big deal?

It helped explain our behavioral oddities.

(The man passes the camera s the boy follows, frowning.)

BOY: If they don't want a few laughs then they shouldn't hand out frogs in biology.

(The boy passes the camera.)

Cut to


(Shot of Kevin and Paul carrying trays, approaching the camera. The camera pulls back as other students walk across the shot.)

But never was out logic more useful, then when it lent creedence to a really hot rumor.

(They approach a table and pause.)

KEVIN: This is totally ridiculous, Chuck! (Gestures.)

(Paul sits down as Chuck approaches from the other side and sits down.)

CHUCK: I swear to God, it's true! (Gestures.)

KEVIN: Well, I'm sorry - the Rolling Stones do not come within...(gestures)...three hundred miles of this town.

(Kevin sits down.)

It was a dull week in the winter of 'seventy-three. So the rumor had spread...

(Close shot of Chuck looking at Kevin off-screen.)

Like wildfire.

CHUCK: I'm tellin' ya...Friday night, the Stones are gonna be at a place called "Joe's", out on Highway 9!

(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at Chuck off-screen.)

KEVIN: Right...(Nods.)

(Close shot of Chuck frowning and nodding slightly at Kevin off-screen.)

By junior year, I'd been down the old rumor-trail...

(Shot of Kevin and Paul, as Kevin sets his milk down and looks at Chuck off-screen.)

One too many times.

KEVIN: There's no way...

(Kevin nudges Paul.)

KEVIN: Paul?

(Kevin points toward Chuck off-screen.)

KEVIN: Tell 'em.

PAUL: It's a zillion-to-one. It's not gonna happen!

KEVIN: I rest my case. (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Chuck frowning slightly.)

Maybe I was a little tough on the guy...

(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Paul off-screen, then drinks his milk.)

But it was so clear to anyone with even a semblance...

(Shot of Jeff quickly approaching the camera, carrying his tray.)

Of intelligence.

(Jeff smiles and slides past some kids toward the table. The camera pans with him as he takes the seat next to Chuck.)

JEFF: Hey, you guys hear about the Stones?

(Chuck smiles at Kevin off-screen as he gestures toward Jeff. Jeff smiles at Chuck.)


(Shot of Kevin and Paul glancing at each other and frowning.)

A semblance of intelligence was in short supply.

(Kevin looks toward Jeff off-screen, and gestures and shakes his head slightly.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - The Street

(Wide shot of Kevin's car approaching through an intersection. The camera pans with it.)

KEVIN (V/O): I don't wanna hear it.

JEFF (V/O): OK, I'm sorry - I lost my mind.

KEVIN (V/O): Fine.

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin and Jeff.)

JEFF: It's just that I heard, for awhile, that this Joe was like the sixth Rolling Stone, ya know?

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking forward.)

Great. Insanity had taken over my school...

(Sound of a police siren. Kevin looks in the rearview mirror.)

And the law had taken over Vine Street.

(Wide shot of Kevin's car approaching, followed by a motorcycle policeman. The camera pans with them.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking in the mirror.)

KEVIN: Oh, man.

(Shot of the motorcycle policeman slowing up behind Kevin's car.)

(Shot through the side window of Kevin and Jeff as Kevin rolls down the window.)

JEFF: Why don't you plead insanity, Kev?

KEVIN: Shut up. (Frowns.)

(Kevin looks over his shoulder and smiles as the policeman approaches.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman leaning next to the window.)

POLICEMAN: May I see your license, please?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the policeman off-screen, then looking down as he gets his license out.)

Of course, a situation like this required that I reach back for a little of my own teen logic.

(Kevin holds his license out. The policeman's hand takes it.)

KEVIN: You realize that it's impossible to go the speed-limit on this street.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman frowning and glancing toward the street, then back to Kevin.)

POLICEMAN: Is that a fact?

(The policeman reaches in his jacket for a pen.)

KEVIN (V/O): OK...

(Shot of Kevin and Jeff.)

KEVIN: Here's the thing...

(Kevin leans forward slightly.)

KEVIN: Grades are really important to me.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking down as he writes.)

KEVIN (V/O): So...I was really trying to get home - to study.

(Shot of Kevin and Jeff. Jeff glances between Kevin and the policeman.)

KEVIN: Because...I know that...a lot of criminals got bad grades in school...

(Kevin glances off.)

KEVIN: So-so that if...kids got better grades...

(Kevin looks at the policeman off-screen.)

KEVIN: By studying hard...

(Kevin glances off again.)

KEVIN: Then there would be less...

(Kevin looks at the policeman off-screen.)

KEVIN: Criminals around.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking toward Kevin and pulling his sunglasses off.)

(Shot of Kevin and Jeff. Jeff is frowning in thought as Kevin looks at the policeman off-screen.)

JEFF: Wow. (Nods.) Yeah.

(Kevin looks over his shoulder at Jeff, who looks at the policeman off-screen. Kevin turns toward the policeman.)

But when it came to logic...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman glancing off and frowning.)

Some guys had the knack...

(He looks at Kevin.)

POLICEMAN: You must make your parents proud.

(Shot of Kevin and Jeff. Kevin smiles as the cops hand holds a ticket in front of Kevin. Kevin looks at it.)

And some guys...

(Kevin takes the ticket.)

Had the ticket.

(The policeman exits.)

POLICEMAN (V/O): Have a nice day.

(Kevin turns over his shoulder to look at the off-screen policeman, who is starting his motorcycle.)

All of which added up to one thing.

(Kevin and Jeff look at the ticket.)

JEFF: You had me sold.

Somehow, I was gonna have to explain this to...

Cut to

Int. Evening- Arnold Kitchen

(Close shot of Jack as he excitedly gestures and smiles.)

JACK: It was great!

My dad.

(The camera pulls back slightly as Norma serves Jack from a dish.)

JACK: This guy, Zeke, comes in, with a cowboy hat, a string tie...and he tells me he needs a truckload...(gestures)...of furniture. (Chuckles.)

(Norma pats Jack on the shoulder.)

NORMA: That's wonderful, honey. (Smiles.)

JACK: It was our biggest order yet!

(The camera pans slightly towar Kevin and Wayne as Norma returns to the kitchen.)

Still, that night...

(Close shot of Kevin reaching into his pocket.)

The furniture gods were smiling on me.

(Kevin slips the ticket out of his pocket, and looks at Jack off-screen.)


JACK (V/O): Yeah...

Yeah - this was gonna be a piece of cake.

KEVIN: Y-you know that...(gestures)...s-stretch of road on Vine Street? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Jack looking down, with a mouthful of food.)

JACK: Um-hmmm.

KEVIN (V/O): Well...

(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Yeah, I was driving there this afternoon...and -

(Shot past Norma of Jack smiling at her.)

JACK: You know...now it's like the guy wants to be my best friend. (Smiles.)

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at her food.)

NORMA: I know. (Smiles.)

(Norma looks at Jack.)

NORMA: His wife called this morning.

JACK: She did?

NORMA: Uh-huh. (Nods.)

(Norma looks at her food.)

NORMA: They want to take us...

(Norma shrugs slightly and looks at Jack.)

NORMA: Dancing tomorrow night. (Smiles.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack looking at her, then glancing off.)


(Shot past Jack of Norma looking him.)

NORMA: Square dancing.

(Norma takes a bite of food.)

(Shot past Norma of Jack looking incredulously at her.)

JACK: What?

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen and frowning. A bit of square dancing music plays.)


(Close shot of Wayne as he spits out some food.)

WAYNE: Square dancing? (Laughs.)

(Another bit of music plays.)

(Close shot of Jack frowning at Wayne, then Norma off-screen, and putting his hands together. He glances quickly at Norma.)

JACK: Forget it.

(Jack looks toward the table.)

JACK: We're not goin'.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen and frowning, as he puts his ticket down.)

Suddenly, I watched his mood change faster than you could say "sons of the pioneers".

(Shot past Jack of Norma looking at him.)

NORMA: Are you sure, honey? (Frowns.)

(Jack turns toward her slightly.)

NORMA: It might be good for business.

(Shot past Norma of Jack as he frowns and looks off.)

JACK: Oh, brother...

(Sound of clapping hands. Close shot of Wayne as he closes his eyes and motions with his hands.)

WAYNE: Grab your partner - dos-y-do...

(Wayne opens his eyes and looks at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack looking up toward Wayne off-screen.)

(Close shot of Wayne smiling at Jack off-screen.)

WAYNE: Sorry.

(Wayne resumes eating.)

(Close shot of Jack looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling awkwardly at Jack off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jack looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: What are you lookin' at?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen and hesitating.)

KEVIN: Nothing. (Shrugs and smiles.)

(Kevin glances down as he puts his ticket back in his pocket.)

Now, I may have been a criminal...but I wasn't stupid enough to try my luck right then.

(Kevin smiles and shakes his head slightly at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Nothing at all.

(Kevin picks up his fork, and looks around the table.)

It just wouldn't be logical.

Cut to

Int. Day - The Diner

(Shot of Jeff approaching through the crowded diner.)

Speaking of which...

(The camera pans with him as he slows and puts his hand up.)

JEFF: Absolute confirmation!

(Jeff sits in the booth with Chuck, Paul, Kevin and Winnie.)

JEFF: Alright, Gary Zerwinski's sister...she's a, she's a stewardess, right? (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jeff and Chuck.)

JEFF: She met Keith Richards on a flight to New York last year.

(Close shot of Winnie smiling excitedly.)

WINNIE: Ooooh!

(Close shot of Kevin frowing at Winnie off-screen.)

CHUCK (V/O): Yeah - so, so?

(Kevin looks at Jeff off-screen.)

KEVIN: I don't believe this!

(Shot of Jeff and Chuck.)

JEFF: Anyways, they got to New York, had a couple drinks..

(Jeff looks at Chuck and nods.)

JEFF: Plural..

(Jeff looks at Kevin off-screen.)

JEFF: And now the Stones are back in...the US of A...

(Jeff glances at Chuck, then back to Kevin off-screen.)

JEFF: And who does Keith Richards want to see?

(Jeff raises his eyebrows.)

(Close shot of Winnie smiling at Jeff off-screen.)

WINNIE: Shirley...

(Close shot of Chuck smiling at Jeff off-screen.)

CHUCK: Zerwinski. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Jeff.)

JEFF: Voila!

(Jeff settles back, with an arm over the back of the seat.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning toward Chuck off-screen.)

I'd had enough. I was the lone bastion of reason.

KEVIN: What?!

(Kevin frowns and briefly turns toward Winnie, then Chuck again.)

KEVIN: You people are all crazy!

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie looking at him.)

WINNIE: Kevin! What's your problem?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her.)

KEVIN: Huh? (Frowns.)

WINNIE: I mean, what if it could happen?

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie smiling at him.)

WINNIE: And what if we could be a part of it?

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her.)

Now keep in mind this was my best girl.

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie smiling at him.)

My one true love.

WINNIE: Think of it Kevin. A night we could share with each other for the rest of our lives! And maybe someday tell our children about.

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin smiling slightly at her.)

KEVIN: Children?


(Shot past Kevin of Winnie smiling at him. A little dream music plays.)

When she spun her dreams about magical nights, and miracles, and children...

(Winnie shakes her head and frowns slightly.)

WINNIE: I could never risk missing something like that.

What else could I say to those big brown eyes...

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her. The music ends.)


GIRL (V/O in background): Judy! Hi!

(Kevin frowns slightly and looks around the table.)

KEVIN: Who's payin' for gas?

(Shot past Kevin of Winnie smiling broadly at him.)

(Wide shot of all as Jeff and Chuck slap hands.)

JEFF: Alright!

CHUCK: Cool!

There was a certain logic to this whole thing.

Cut to

Int. Evening - Kevin's Bedroom

(Close shot of Kevin looking at himself in the mirror as he adjusts the collar of his shirt.)

And what did I have to lose?

(Sound of knocking on Kevin's door and the door opening. Kevin looks toward it off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): Kevin?

(Shot of Norma entering, waving Kevin's traffic ticket.)

NORMA: Is this yours? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking slightly worried at Norma off-screen.)

Except my life.

NORMA (V/O): It went through the wash, and I -

JACK (V/O): Honey...

(Shot of Norma as Jack approaches, holding the end of his tie. Norma turns toward him.)

JACK: Honey, could you, uh...

(Norma takes his tie and frowns.)

NORMA: Oh...

(He takes the ticket from her.)

JACK: Oh, what's this?

(Close shot of Kevin looking slightly worried at the ticket off-screen.)

KEVIN: It's nothing. (Smiles.) It's...

(Shot of Jack and Norma, as Jack turns toward Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: It's a speeding ticket. (Frowns.) Is this yours? (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking slightly worried at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: I-I don't think so.

(Kevin shakes his head.)

JACK (V/O): It's got your name on it.

KEVIN: Oh, yeah! (Points and smiles.) That...that's mine. (Smiles.)

(Shot from behind Kevin of Kevin, Jack and Norma. Jack looks at Norma and takes his tie from her, then steps toward Kevin.)

JACK: You wanna tell me about it? (Frowns.)


(Wayne approaches in the doorway with a soda bottle.)

JACK: Well...Dad, you know Vine Street?

(Jack nods.)

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: Everyone speeds there.

(Shot of Wayne and Norma as Wayne gestures with the bottle at Kevin off-screen.)

WAYNE: I don't. (Smiles.)

(Close shot past Kevin of Jack turning toward Wayne off-screen.)

JACK: Stay out of it, Wayne! (Frowns.)

(Shot of Wayne and Norma as Wayne laughs and exits.)

(Close shot past Kevin of Jack turning toward him.)

JACK: So, what happened?

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: It's just...

(Kevin glances off, then back.)

KEVIN: Some tickets are really unfair!

(Close shot past Kevin of Jack looking down at the ticket.)

JACK: Yeah.

(Jack glances at Kevin, then the ticket.)

JACK: I know they are. (Nods.) So how fast were you goin'?

(Jack looks at Kevin.)

KEVIN: Well, that's the thing.

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: That cop didn't even have a radar. He just...guessed!

JACK (V/O): Come on, Kev...

(Close shot past Kevin of Jack looking at him.)

JACK: How fast? (Frowns.)

(Jack looks down at the ticket.)

I figured this was my father. He'd been in a few scrapes in his life. He'd understand.

(Jack looks at Kevin.)

JACK: Just...tell me the truth.

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)

And even though logic screamed at me not to...

KEVIN: Fifty...tops. (Frowns.)

I went with the facts.

(Shot past Kevin of Jack glancing over his shoulder at Norma off-screen, then frowning at Kevin.)

JACK: Fifty!

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking surprised as Jack stuffs the ticket in Kevin's shirt.)

JACK: In a thirty mile zone?! (Points.) You're grounded!

(Jack turns and exits past the camera.)

I may have miscalculated.

(Kevin takes the ticket out of his shirt.)

Cut to

The Living Room

(Wide shot of Kevin following Norma across the living room.)

KEVIN: Dad, can we at least talk about this? (Gestures.)

(Norma tuirns as Jack helps her with her coat.)

JACK: I don't wanna talk about it.

KEVIN: But -

JACK: I don't wanna hear about it.

KEVIN: Dad, I have to go out tonight. (Gestures.)

JACK: Why?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack and Norma off-screen.)

I knew I had to capture the magic, the way Winnie had. This wasn't about one little night out. It was about our dreams, our children.

(Kevin smiles slightly.)

KEVIN: The Rolling Stones are playing at some dive called "Joe's". (Smiles.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma as Jack pauses as he adjusts his jacket. They look at each other and frown.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at Jack off-screen.)

(Shot of Norma and Jack looking at each other.)

And, if that stirring tribute wasn't enough...

(Jack and Norma look at Kevin off-screen as a car horn outside plays "Dixie". Jack frowns and looks toward the street.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at Jack off-screen.)

(Wayne crosses behind Kevin.)

WAYNE: What was that?

(The camera pans with Wayne as he approaches the window.)

ZEKE (V/O): Hey you, Arnold! Get on out here!

(Wayne looks out the window.)

(Shot from Wayne's perspective through the window of Zeke sitting on the back of the seat of his car, and his wife next to him. She waves, then he waves.)

(Close shot of Wayne smiling at Jack off-screen.)

WAYNE: Whoa, Dad, uh...Roy and Dale are here. (Laughs.)

(Shot past Jack of Kevin as Jack walks across the shot.)

JACK: Great...

KEVIN: So, uh...

(Jack pauses and sighs.)

KEVIN: Dad - what do ya say?

(Shot past Kevin of Jack frowning at him.)

JACK: Kevin...I'm going square dancing...(Frowns.) And when I get home, that car of yours better not have moved...(gestures)...one inch!

(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at Jack's hand.)

JACK (V/O): Off its oil spot.

(The camera pans with Jack as he approaches Norma and Wayne at the front door.)

And somehow, I knew the man meant every single word.

(Jack frowns and motions Norma outside.)

He even said it in sign-language.

(Norma exits. Wayne looks at Jack as Jack points a finger at Kevin, puts his finger and thumb an inch apart, then exits.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly.)

WAYNE (V/O): Welll...

(Shot of Wayne at the open doorway.)

WAYNE: Seeya, scrote. Have fun. (Giggles and exits.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly as the sound of the closing door is heard.)

KEVIN: Right...

And there wasn't anything more I could say, except...

Cut to

The Kitchen

(Shot of Kevin holding the telephone.)

KEVIN: Hello - Mrs. Cooper? I-Is Winnie there?

(Kevin turns away from the camera and approaches the refrigerator. The camera follows.)

I had no choice. I would have to cancel.

(Kevin opens the refrigerator and looks inside.)

And that's when I discovered a catastrophy in the making.

(Kevin touches a fews items.)

An event of monumental significance.

(Kevin quickly bends down to the next shelf and slides some itenms around.)

Potential disaster that could alter the course...

(Kevin straightens up slowly, frowning and looking off.)

Of the universe. And the reason was...

(Kevin smiles slightly.)

KEVIN: We're out of milk.

We were out of milk.

(Kevin looks quickly at the refrigerator and frowns, then closes it slowly.)

But it wasn't just that we were out of milk.

(Kevin slowly turns and frowns in thought, and approaches the camera which rolls back.)

If my dad got up the next morning, and couldn't have his cereal...

(Kevin gestures slightly with the phone.)

Things like this didn't just happen...

WINNIE (on the phone): Kevin?

There were forces at work, here.

WINNIE (on the phone): Hello?

Forces that demanded I go out and -

(Kevin looks toward the phone.)

WINNIE (on the phone): Kevin?

(Kevin puts the phone to his head.)

KEVIN: Winnie? I'll pick ya up in ten minutes.

(The camera pans with the phone as Kevin hangs it up.)

Cut to

Ext. Night - Arnold Driveway

(Close shot of the steering wheel and Kevin's hand as he turns the key.)

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at the dashboard.)

OK - I'd get the milk afterwards.

(Kevin glances at the rearview mirror.)

That way, it would be fresher.

(Kevin begins to back up the car.)

Hey, it wasn't like I was defying my father.

(Kevin puts his arm over the seatback and looks over his shoulder as he backs up.)

(Wider shot as Kevin backs into the street.)

He needed the milk for his morning cereal.

(Kevin turns into the street.)

And even if it was stretching teenage-logic to its maximum...he had specifically said not to move... my car.

(Some electric guitar plays as the camera pans with Kevin as he drives off past his car parked at the curb.)

Fade to

Ext. Night - The Road

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie in the front seat of the car. Winnie is smiling. "All The Way From Memphis" - Mott the Hoople plays.)

And so that night, in a semi-stolen car...

(Kevin looks at Winnie and smiles.)

We were en route to the experience of a lifetime.

(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)

Me, my girl...

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff in the back seat.)

And Larry, Moe, and Curly.

(Chuck is chewing some Raisinets, and puts more in his mouth, then leans forward.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as Chuck leans between them, holding out the Raisinet box.)

CHUCK: Hey, you want some?

(Winnie looks at him and smiles. Kevin looks at him and frowns.)

KEVIN: Hey - no food in the car.

CHUCK: This isn't food!

(Chuck holds the box toward Winnie.)

CHUCK: Here.

(Winnie cups her hand under the box as Chuck pours some out.)

WINNIE: Thanks.

(The car hits a bump, and Chuck spills some Raisinets.)

CHUCK: Wups...(Laughs.)

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking down and frowning.)

KEVIN: Oh, man - nice move.

(Kevin reaches back toward Chuck off-screen.)

(Close shot of Jeff smiling at Kevin off-screen.)

JEFF: Hey, come on, Kevin - lighten up, man.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: Yeah - it's not like it's your car anyway.

(Paul looks toward Chuck off-screen and smiles.)

(Close shot of Chuck smiling.)

Great. I was growing concerned for my father's car...

(Shot of Kevin turning forward and frowning.)

And my friends...

(Shot through the windshield of all as Jeff puts his feet up on the back of the front seat.)

Were turning it into a cheap motel.

(Kevin glances at Jeff's feet and frowns.)

(Shot past Winnie of Kevin as he frowns and elbows Jeff's feet down.)

KEVIN: Where is this place, anyway?

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff.)

JEFF: Just outside of Hinckley.

KEVIN (V/O): Hinckley? Wh- that's an hour away!

(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking into the rearview mirror and gesturing.)

KEVIN: There's no way I'm drivin' to Hinckley! (Frowns.)

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff.)

PAUL: Well, what did you expect, Kev? The Rolling Stones are gonna come to your door?

(Jeff smiles as Paul and Chuck laugh.)

(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking into the rearview mirror.)

KEVIN: No, Paul - I didn't expect them to come at all!

(He points.)

KEVIN: Remember?

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)


(Paul looks off.)

You try to maintain some kind of maturity...

(Close shot of Winnie frowning and looking off.)

And you're suddenly the bad-guy.

(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking over his shoulder, then turning forward and frowing.)

JEFF (V/O): Well, jeez - what a downer.

(Kevin frowns and glances off.)

KEVIN: OK...we'll go to Hinckley.

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff smiling and laughing.)

After all...

(Close shot of Winnie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)

I was in this deep.

(Music ends.)

Cut to

Later - On the Road

(Shot of the car approaching in the distance.)

So...forty-seven miles, three pit stops, and any number of squashed Raisinets later...?

(The car crosses the road and passes a sign reading "Joe's Place".)

We arrived at -

CHUCK (V/O): Here it is - "Joe's Place".

(Wide shot of the car in a sparsely populated parking area in front of a small building.)

(Shot through the windshield of all, looking toward the building off-screen.)

Just one little problem.

Cut to

Int. Night - Joe's Place

(Shot of a man in suspenders approacing the camera, carrying a tray with two beer bottles on it. Country music plays.)

MAN: The who? (Frowns.)

(Shot of Jeff, Chuck, Kevin, Paul and Winnie standing in the foyer.)

(Chuck rest his hands on Jeff and Kevin's shoulder and leans forward, smiling.)

CHUCK: Not "The Who" - the Rolling Stones.

(Shot of the man as he frowns and walks away. The camera pans with him as he approaches a middle-aged man and woman dancing.)

MAN: Hey, Joe?

(The woman turns toward the camera.)

JOE: Hmmm?

MAN: Ya got the Rolling Stones comin' here?

(Shot of the guys looking at Joe off-screen.)

JOE (V/O): The who?

(Shot of the man turning toward the guys off-screen.)

MAN: I reckon not.

(The man sets the tray on the counter.)

(Shot of the guys frowning and glancing around. Chuck walks off.)

And, faced with the first disappointment of the evening...

(Shot past Jeff of Kevin and Paul looking at him.)

We did what red-blooded teenagers did best.

(Kevin stands directly in front of Jeff.)

KEVIN: You mean we drove over an hour...and there's...(gestures)...no Rolling Stones?

We turned on each other.

(Shot of Jeff and Kevin. Chuck is looking through the phonebook in the background.)

JEFF: Well don't look at me - it's not my fault. (Frowns.)

(Jeff looks past Kevin, and Kevin looks over his shoulder.)

And then we passed the buck.

(Close shot of Winnie frowning at them off-screen.)

WINNIE: What? It's not mine, either!

(Winnie looks off.)


(Close shot of Paul as he raises his eyebrows in surprise.)

We pointed fingers.

(He glances at Kevin and Jeff off-screen, then frowns heavily and looks at Chuck off-screen.)

PAUL: No way! It was Chuck!

(Shot of Chuck standing next to the pay-phone, holding an open telephone book.)

CHUCK: Hey, look at this! (Points.) There're a whole mess of "Joe's".

(Close shot of Winnie smiling as she walks past the camera.)

(Shot of Chuck holding the telephone book and ripping out a page.)

(Shot of the first man frowning at Chuck off-screen.)

MAN: Hey, you!

(Shot of the guys, and Chuck in the background as he drops the book which is attached by a cable to the phonebooth.)

MAN (V/O): That's my Yellow Pages!

(Chuck looks up and hesitates.)

JEFF: Woops. Uh, yeah, let's hit it.

(They all run toward the camera.)

(Shot of everyone running away from the camera along the bar, as the man watches.)


(The man flounders across the bar and chases after the guys.)

MAN: Come back here!

Cut to

Ext. Night - Joe's Place

(Close shot of the rear tire and ground as the car pulls away.)

CHUCK (V/O): Come on - gun it!

(The camera pans with the car as it pull onto the road and squeals away down the road.)

And with that...we were once again off on our mission.

(Sound of a police siren.)

Only this time...

(Kevin's car exits as a police car with flashing lights follows them into the shot.)

We had company.

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin glancing around, then nervously looking into the rearview mirror.)

POLICEMAN (V/O): Pull your vehicle to the side of the road!

KEVIN: I don't believe this! (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Jeff looking over his shoulder out the back window.)


(Close shot of Chuck looking worried.)

CHUCK: Holy Cow!

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff as Chuck tries to stuff the telephone book page in his shirt, then rapidly puts it in his mouth.)

(Shot through the windshield of all as Kevin looks over his shoulder.)

(Shot of the policeman walking forward from his car. The camera pans with him.)

It was almost ironic. We had travelled halfway across the world...

(The policeman shines his flashlight on Jeff.)

To get busted for stealing...

(The policeman shines the light on Chuck.)

Page two-hundred-and-nineteen of the Bell telephone book.

(The policeman shines the light on Kevin.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman as he leans near the window.)

POLICEMAN: Kind of a jack-rabbit start there, wasn't it pal?

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie frowning at the policeman off-screen.)

KEVIN: Uh, uh...

(Kevin glances at Winnie, then smiles at the policeman. A cow moos in the background.)

KEVIN: No sir...

(Kevin squints as the flashlight shines in his eyes.)

KEVIN: I-I mean...yessir.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman.)

POLICEMAN: May I see your driver's license please?

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie. Kevin frowns as he reaches for his wallet.)

And no amount of logic was gonna get me out of this one.

(Close shot of Chuck with his mouth full of telephone book. He swallows slightly and a little of the paper sticks out of his mouth.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as Kevin frowns and holds his license out past the camera.)

I was stuck. Dead.

(Winnie frowns slightly and leans toward the camera.)

WINNIE: Officer?

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman examining the license.)

WINNIE (V/O): I can explain.

(The policeman looks toward Winnie off-screen.)

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin.)


(Winnie frowns and shakes her head.)

WINNIE: This is all my fault.

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff glancing around.)

WINNIE (V/O): Kevin is the best driver we know...

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin.)

WINNIE: And, he was gonna stay home tonight, but he knew that if he did...we may have gotten rides to...

(Winnie looks off slightly.)

WINNIE: Go see my grandmother in the hospital...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking at Winnie off-screen.)

WINNIE (V/O): With someone who isn't a very good driver at all.

(Shot of Winnie and Kevin as Winnie glances toward the back seat, then frowns at the policeman off-screen.)

WINNIE: And, I know he was afraid that we might end up in some terrible crash - or worse! And...that he might spend the rest of his life wondering what might have been, if, only...

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff glancing around. The cow moos again.)

WINNIE (V/O): He had been driving.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking at Winnie off-screen.)

It was the most obviously transparent clumsy piece of teen logic...

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as they glance at each other uneasily.)

I had ever heard in my entire life.

(They look toward the policeman off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking at Winnie off-screen.)

POLICEMAN: OK, I understand. (Nods.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Kevin's license as the policeman's hand holds it toward them.)

POLICEMAN (V/O): You drive careful, son.

And he bought it.

(Kevin hesitates, then takes the license.)

KEVIN: Yessir! (Smiles.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the policeman looking at him and gesturing.)

POLICEMAN: And take care of this young lady.

(The policemna looks at Winnie off-screen.)

POLICEMAN: And you - say "hi" to your grandma. (Nods.)

(Wider shot of the policeman and the car as the policeman exits. Kevin looks over his shoulder after him.)

It was incredible. It was unbelievable.

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff as Paul laughs. Chuck takes the page from his mouth, then looks at Jeff and smiles.)

It was impossible.

(Shot through the windshield of Kevin and Winnie as they look around, surprised.) And suddenly it was clear.

(Kevin holds her head and kisses her on the cheek.)

That this night was special.

(Kevin glances toward the guys in back, then smiles and starts the car.)

It was a matter of destiny. Something magical...

Cut to

Dusk - On the Road

(Wide shot of the car approaching.)

Was awaiting us. And as we went from "Smokey Joe's" to "Billy Joe's" to "Joe Joe's" to "Ho Joe's"...

(The car passes the camera.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie. Winnie is smiling.)

We never gave up.

(They glance at each other and smile.)

Because it all boiled down to one thing.

(Shot of the car driving past some buldings. The camera pans with itias it turns into a crowded parking lot. Many people are walking in the direction of the car.)

The Rolling Stones...

CHUCK (V/O): I knew it! I knew it.

(The camera pans up to a sigh reading "Wally's Inn".)

Would be at "Wally's".

Cut to

The Parking Lot

(Shot through the windshield of Kevin and Jeff as they open their doors and look out.)

And we'd found it.

(Kevin gets out, closes his door, and takes a few steps toward the camera and pauses.)

It was amazing - our very own...

(Wide shot of all as they approach the camera, looking past it.)

PAUL: This is it!


(They start to trot forward, past the camera.)

JEFF: This is unbelievable!

(Shot of several people walking toward the camera as Winnie and Kevin and the others trot past them. Winnie smiles and holds Kevin's arm.)

WINNIE: I told you, Kevin - I told you! (Smiles.)

KEVIN: Yeah...

(The camera pans with them and rises above the crowd.)

Each of us knew every moment of our youth would be defined by its relationship in time to this one.

(A large crowd has gathered in front of the building.)

It was our moment. And we were there.

CROWD: Mick - Mick - Mick...

(Close shot of the crowd of people as the guys move to the front, and chant with the crowd.)

CROWD: Mick - Mick - Mick...

(Shot of the door being opened quickly.)

(Shot of the guys in the crowd.)

JEFF: There he is! (Points.)

(Wider shot of the door as a man hurriedly steps out and pauses.)

(Close shot of Winnie and Kevin.)

KEVIN: Who is that? (Frowns.)

And of course it wasn't Mick. It was Wally.

(Shot of Wally as he frowns and hurriedly raises a bullhorn to his mouth.)

WALLY: Now listen you kids - this is the last time I'm gonna tell ya!

(Wally lowers the bullhorn and looks over the crowd.)

And his bullhorn.

(Wally raises the bullhorn again.)

WALLY: The Rolling Stones ain't here...

(Close shot of Winnie and Kevin frowning.)

WALLY (V/O): And they ain't gonna be here!

(The crowd groans.)

And Wally let us know, in no uncertain terms, that the crowning event of our youth...

(High wide shot of the crowd surrounding Wally at the doorway.)

WALLY: The only people gonna be here is the police!

Was a bust.

(Close shot of the guys as they turn away and follow the disbursing crowd.)

WINNIE (V/O): Kevin, I'm really sorry.

Cut to

The Parked Car

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie. She is frowning.)

KEVIN: Nah, forget about it. (Smiles.)

What the heck. This wasn't the time for "I told you so's" or rubbing it in.

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff in the back seat.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as she looks forward and frowns.)

WINNIE: No, you were the only one who knew how ridiculous we sounded.

KEVIN: Ah, come on. I mean we came here...

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Winnie off-sreen.)

KEVIN: We had a good time...what more could you ask?

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff looking glum in the back seat, as Chuck smirks.)

KEVIN (V/O): Right guys?

It felt pretty good.

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking forward and smiling as he starts the car.)

I was was generous, I was non-chalant. I was...

(Shot of Kevin and the side of the car as the car goes backward about four feet. Sound of a collision as the car tops and shakes slightly.)

An idiot!

(Close shot of the bent rear bumper of the car as Kevin kicks it.)

(Shot of all the guys standing at the rear of the car as Kevin slams the trunk shut.)

Suddenly my goodwill ebbed.

(Kevin kicks the bumper and points at it.)

KEVIN: Now look at what you made me do! (Frowns.)

(He puts his hands on his hips.)

CHUCK: Hey! (Gestures.) We weren't driving.

And I no longer felt generous.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Chuck off-screen.)

KEVIN: No! I was driving. And you know why?

(Close shot of Chuck and Jeff looking at Kevin off-screen.)

I felt rage.

(Close shot of Kevin turning and frowning at Winnie and Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Because I'm crazy!

(Shot of Winnie and Paul frowning at Kevin off-screen.)

KEVIN (V/O): I knew the Rolling Stones would never show up!

(Wide shot of all as Kevin kicks the bent bumper.)

I was really mad. And my foot hurt a lot.

(Kevin throws up his arms and exits toward the front of the car.)

Cut to

On the Road

(Close shot of Chuck looking into the box of Raisinets and shaking it, then reaching into it. Some music plays throughout.)

(Close shot of Jeff looking down.)

(Shot of Paul, Chuck and Jeff as Chuck pulls out his empty fingers and frowns at the Raisinet box.)

On the way home, everyone was feeling pretty rotten...

(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin frowning and Winnie resting her head on his shoulder, looking off.)

Lost in their own thoughts about missed opportunities. Me...I just had one thought...

Cut to

The Arnold Driveway

(Shot from the house of Kevin's parked car as Kevin drives up in Jack's car.)

While the rest of the world would go on to college, have careers, jobs, families...

(Kevin slows and turns into the driveway.)

A life of their own...I would be spending the rest of the seventies...grounded.

(Kevin stops the car and puts the transmission in "park".)

Cut to

Int. Night - The Kitchen

(Shot of the door as Kevin enters. The music fades. He pauses, sighs and shakes his head, then walks through the kitchen.)

Face it - I was a young man without a future.

(Kevin pauses and looks at the refrigerator, opens it, then looks off and frowns.)

And not only that...

(Kevin closes the refrigerator roughly.)

I'd even forgotten the milk.

(Kevin leans against the refrigerator and sighs. Sound of a car horn playing "Dixie". Kevin looks over his shoulder toward the street, then walks toward the livingroom, dropping the car keys on the counter.)

(Shot from the livingroom as Kevin approaches the camera.)

My fate hung on my dad's rear end. And as soon as he saw it...

(Kevin pauses in front of the window.)

No story, no tale...

(Shot through the window of Kevin looking out.)

No ocean of logic was going to help.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Zeke's car approaching the driveway.)

Nothing would save me now.

(Shot through the window of Kevin looking out.)

(Close shot of the rear of Jack's car as Zeke's car bumps into it.)

ZEKE (V/O): Whoooooaaa!

(Shot through the window of Kevin looking out, as dogs bark.)


(Shot of Kevin hurrying toward the front door.)

JACK (V/O): Is everybody OK?

ZEKE (V/O): Ho-ly cow...

(Kevin opens the door and exits.)

(Shot of Jack's car as Kevin trots across the grass toward it. The camera pans with him as he pauses near the back of the car. Betty Lynn, Norma, Zeke and Jack are looking at the car. Jack holds the open trunk.)

I couldn't believe it!

(Close shot of Kevin looking from the bumper to Zeke off-screen, then kneeling and looking at the bumper.)

It was nothing but a mass of broken metal and busted bolts.

ZEKE (V/O): Boy, I did it this time.

(Close shot of Zeke and Jack.)

ZEKE: Guess I'm just gonna have to learn to stop spinnin' yarns when I should be applying brake.

(Jack looks at him and nods slightly.)

JACK: Yeah...(Frowns.)

(Jack looks toward the car off-sreen.)

In one clumsy move...

(Close shot of Kevin kneeling and looking at Jack off-screen.)

The cowboy had given me back my life.

(Kevin looks at the car.)

(Wide shot of all.)

ZEKE: I bet she's...your pride and joy, too.

JACK: Yeah.

(Jack closes the trunk and Kevin rises slowly.)

And of course, there was only one appropriate thing to say.

(Close shot of Kevin gesturing toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Sorry, Dad. (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Betty Lynn and Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): Yeah...

ZEKE (V/O): I'll tell ya what...

(Shot of Zeke and Jack as Jack looks at him.)

ZEKE: I'm gonna make this up to ya, western style.

(He slaps Jack's back.)

ZEKE: Our place up north in Sorrowful need of furnishin' right now.

(Shot of Kevin looking toweard Zeke off-screen.)

ZEKE (V/O): And we'll take all the furniture you can make!

(Shot of Zeke and Jack as Jack pauses and looks at the car off-screen.)

JACK: Ah...

(Jack looks at Zeke and taps him on the stomach and smiles.)

JACK: What's a little bumper...(gestures)...between friends, huh? (Smiles.)

And just like that...

ZEKE: I'm glad you feel that way about it. (Smiles.)

JACK: Ah, sure...(Smiles.)

(Jack slaps Zeke on the back and they walk off along the side of Zeke's car.)

JACK: Now, about that furniture...

My father's heartache turned into profit.

(Shot of Kevin as Norma passes the camera.)

But the truth was...

(Norma turns and stands next to Kevin.)

It wasn't all this guys fault.

Norma and Kevin look down.)

And somehow, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

NORMA: You know, I feel a little guilty.

(Kevin looks at Norma as she looks toward the guys off-screen.)

KEVIN: Why? (Frowns.)

NORMA: Well, it's just that...I know that some of that damage...

(Kevin looks off.)

NORMA: Was already there.


(Kevin looks at Norma as she looks toward the guys off-screen.)

KEVIN: You do?

NORMA: Yeah...

(Norma looks off, and glances at Kevin.)

NORMA: I ran into the wall at the market yesterday.

(Kevin looks at her and frowns as she looks toward the guys off-screen.)

And that's when I realized...

(Norma smiles slightly, then looks down.)

There's all kinds of logic in this world.

(Kevin smiles and gestures slightly.)

KEVIN: Why didn't you say anything?

NORMA: I don't know, I...(Shrugs).

(Norma looks toward the guys off-screen and smiles.)

NORMA: Guess I just thought nobody would notice.

(Norma looks at Kevin as Kevin looks down, then at Norma.)

BETTY LYNN (V/O): Norma, we're fixin' to leave, now.

(Norma smiles brightly at Zeke's wife off-screen, and approaches the camera.)

NORMA: We had a wonderful time, Betty Lynn...

(The camera moves in slightly on Kevin smiling slightly.)

And a lot of it doesn't make any sense.

(Kevin looks at the car, then Norma off-screen as Snuffy's "The Test" plays throughout.)

Cut to

Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot toward the door as Kevin enters from the hallway wearing pajamas and approaches his bed.)

That night, moved by the forces of teen logic, I'd stolen my dad's car...

(Kevin pulls the covers back and gets in bed.)

Had a run-in with the police...a fight with my friends...

(Kevin settles in and lies down with one hand behind his head.)

And an accident.

(Kevin looks off in thought as he fingers the sheet.)

All in all...it was a great evening. Even if there were no Rolling Stones.

(Kevin reaches over and turns off his lamp.)

Cut to

Ext. Night - Joe's Place

(Shot of the sign reading "Joe's Place". Sound of speaker feed-back. The camera pans sideways along a parked bus.)

MICK JAGGER (V/O): Hey, Joe? Could I get some more volume?

("Brown Sugar" starts as the camera pans to the front of the bus which has a sign reading "Private Coach", then pulls up and back.)

Fade to


Supporting Cast
Chuck - Andrew Mark Berman
Jeff - Giovanni Ribisi
Zeke - O'Neal Compton

"All The Way From Memphis" - Mott the Hoople
"Brown Sugar" - The Rolling Stones

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Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu

04/2/05 22:00