Episode 84 - "Of Mastodons and Men"


(Painting of a primitive man. Primitive drums play in the background.)

SLIDE (V/O): Primitive man. Hunter. Tool-maker.

(Painting of a mastodon surrounded by primitive men. Sound of a trumpeting mastodon.)

SLIDE (V/O): Slayer of mastodons. Armed with only his instincts and a spear...

(Painting of several primitive men, spread over the grassland.)

SLIDE (V/O): He roamed the earth, in tribes.

(Shot from in front of the class of the students, and the slide projector in the background. Some students are unruly, throwing paper airplanes and laughing.)

In a lot of ways, high school boys are a lot like primitive man.

(Close shot of Ricky's shirt-pocket as he takes out some candy and smiles.)

They forage for their food.

(Ricky eats some of the candy and nods.)

(Close shot of a pen as the ink-tube is removed.)

They fashion crude tools.

(The camera pans up to Chuck as he puts the pen in his mouth and blows a spit-wad through it.)

(Shot of Kevin crumpling up a piece of notebook paper, glancing around stealthily.)

And of course...they hang out in groups.

(Kevin turns and throws the paper at Chuck.)

(Shot from behind a row of students of the projector screen, as the teacher, Mrs. Herrelson, stands in front of it.)

In fact, about the only difference between my friends...and Neanderthal man was...

(Shot past Kevin of Paul and Chuck, as Kevin throws another paper-ball.)

MRS. HERRELSON (V/O): Hhh-hmmmm.

(The kids look forward. Drums stop.)

(Close shot of the teacher, glancing left and right.)

MRS. HERRELSON: Any questions?

(Shot of Kevin, Chuck and Paul looking forward.)

(Sound of a mastodon trumpeting.)

Neanderthals had bigger brains.

(The classroom lights come on and the bell rings.)

Cut to

(Wide shot of the hallway as Chuck, Ricky, Paul and Kevin round the corner, smiling. The camera rolls back as they walk up the hall.)

CHUCK: Listen you guys want to, uh...(demonstrates)...shoot some hoops after school?

RICKY: Oh, yeah - count me in!

PAUL: Got it!

CHUCK: Hey, Kev? You playin'?

KEVIN: Sure! Course!

The tribe. That year we were inseparable. We'd faced all the challenges.

(The camera stops rolling back, and the guys pause.)

JULIE (V/O): Kev-in!

(The guys look over their shoulders.)

(Shot from behind the guys as they turn around.)

All but one, anyway.

(Shot of students in the hallway separating to reveal a girl smiling at Kevin off-screen.)


(She waves for Kevin to approach.)

(Close shot of the guys.)

KEVIN: Uh, look - guys? I gotta take a rain-check, OK?

(Kevin looks over his shoulder to Ricky.)

(The guys frown and snort, then back away, smiling, as Kevin walks past the camera.)

CHUCK: Kev-in...

Cut to

Ext. Day - Residential Street

(Kevin and Julie are walking along the sidewalk.)

Julie Aidem. We'd been goin' out for two weeks. And to put it mildly...

(Julie looks at Kevin.)

JULIE: Carry my books?

(Kevins smiles at Julie.)

KEVIN: Sure...

(Kevin puts his hand out and Julie hands him her books.)

JULIE: You don't mind?

KEVIN: You kidding? (Smiles.)

She appreciated the little things about me.

(They hold hands.)

JULIE: You know you have a really cute laugh.

(They swing their hands a little.)

KEVIN: Really? (Laughs.)

She liked my laugh.

(Shot past Kevin of Julie as she smiles at him.)

JULIE: I thought about you today.

(Shot past Julie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Yeah. I was thinking about you, too.

(Kevin looks forward.)

She thought about me.

(Close shot of Julie smiling at Kevin.)


JULIE: I thought...

(She glances off.)

JULIE: That you look really good in stripes.

(She smiles at Kevin.)

(Shot of Kevin and Julie as they pause and face each other.)

KEVIN: No kidding?

JULIE: Yeah.

(Julie reaches up with both hands and adjusts Kevin's collar.)

JULIE: With the collar up. You know - it'd really suit you. (Smiles.)

(Kevin frowns slightly.)

That was Julie.

(Kevin adjusts his collar.)

She watched over me. Took care of me. Civilized me.

KEVIN: How's that? (Smiles.)

(Jule smiles and put her hands on his arms.)

JULIE: So much better!

(She kisses him on the cheek. He smiles.)

(Wide shot from across the street as they join hands and continue to walk.)

Let's face it. She was good for me.

Cut to

Day - The Aidem Garage

(Shot of the open garage. Mr. Aidem is working on a red Triumph sports-car, as Kevin and Julie approach past the camera.)

And if that wasn't enough...

(Mr. Aidem looks up.)

MR. AIDEM: Hey, Julie...Hey, Kevin!

(Shot of Julie and Kevin as they pause and smile.)

She had a great dad, too.

(Kevin gestures.)

KEVIN: How's the car comin', Mr. Aidem? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem as he wipes his hands with a rag and looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. AIDEM: How many times do I have to tell ya to call me Ben? (Smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin and Julie as she smiles at him.)


(Kevin smiles, and looks at Julie.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): Well, I finally got that carburetor problem solved...

(Shot of Mr. Aidem standing up.)

MR. AIDEM: Now she's ready for a little spin.

(He looks toward Kevin off-screen and smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin and Julie.)

I admired the guy. He had hobbies...

(Shot of Mr. Aidem as Mrs. Aidem enters through the door from the house, behind him.)

He was funny - a real man's man.

MRS. AIDEM: Honey? Did I hear you say...

(Mrs. Aidem takes a package from the freezer and looks at it.)

MRS. AIDEM: You were going to take the sports-car out for a drive?

(Mrs. Aidem turns and frowns toward Mr. Aidem, as he looks at the car and wipes his hands.)

Mr. AIDEM: Thought so, yeah.

(Mr. Aidem glances over his shoulder, then wipes off a car-part.)

MRS. AIDEM: You remember our agreement - you only drive the sports-car on the weekends?

(Mr. Aidem laughs and gestures with both arms.)

MR. AIDEM: Well, I don't know what got into me. (Smiles.)

(Mrs. Aidem looks down, smiles and shakes her head, and walks past the camera.)

(Shot of Kevin and Julie as Mrs. Aidem approaches and pauses.)

A man's man who was surrounded by women.

(Mrs. Aidem nods and smiles at Kevin.)

MRS. AIDEM: He'd be off driving it day and night if I let him...

(She looks toward Mr. Aidem off screen, and nods exaggeratedly.)

MRS. AIDEM: Wouldn't you, Ben?

(Shot of Mr. Aidem looking at Mrs. Aidem off-screen, then at the car, as he wipes a car part with a rag.)

Not that Julie's mom wasn't every bit as fun-loving as her dad.

(Shot of Kevin and Julie as Mrs. Aidem walks up the steps, pauses, and turns.)

MRS. AIDEM: Hey, Kevin? Why don't you stay for dinner?

(Close shot of Kevin. He smiles.)

KEVIN: I'd love to, June.

(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem as her smile fades and looks hurt.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling, then looking a little worried.)

She was just more...civilized.

KEVIN: I mean...Mrs. Aidem.

(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem. She smiles and tilts her head. Sound effect "ding!")

(She turns and walks toward the house.)

After all, like mother...

(Julie passes the camera up the steps and turns. She smiles and tilts her head. "Ding!")

Like daughter.

(Julie walks toward the door.)

JULIE: Come, Kevin!

Cut to

Aidem Dinner Table

(Shot of Mrs. Aidem frowning.)

MRS. AIDEM: Down, Pooh-Pooh...

(Shot from under the table of Mr. Aidem's legs, as a small dog yaps at him. The camera pans up to Mr. Aidem.)


(Mr. Aidem smiles.)

It was quite a household.

(Wide shot of all, seated around the table.)

Filled with doilies, and lace curtains...

(The dog barks.)

And of course...Pooh-Pooh.

(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem as she frowns and looks toward the dog off-screen.)

MRS. AIDEM: Quiet, Pooh-Pooh, quiet!

(Shot of Julie and Kevin. Julie smiles and shakes her head at Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

JULIE: I don't get it Daddy - you're the only one that Pooh-Pooh barks at.

(Shot of Julie's two younger sisters looking toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

SISTER1: That's because Pooh-Pooh loves him. (Smiles.)

SISTER2: Yeah, Daddy. Pooh-Pooh loves you. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem smiling and shrugging at the girls off-screen.)

The Aidem family was a model of decorum.

(Mr. Aidem smiles at Mrs. Aidem off-screen, and resumes eating.)

There may have been a reason for that.

(Shot of Mrs. Aidem frowning toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

MRS. AIDEM: Oh, Ben?

(She holds up a fork.)

MRS. AIDEM: The salad-fork.

(Shot of Mr. Aidem turning his fork over and looking at it.)

(Shot of Julie and Kevin. Julie glances from Mr. Aiden to Mrs. Aidem, smiling. Kevin looks at his own fork.)

The girls out-numbered the boys by a ratio of four-to-one.

(The dog barks.)

Five-to-one if you counted the pooch.

(Kevin glances around.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): So, Kev?

(Shot of Mr. Aidem looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

MR. AIDEM: Who do you like for the World Series?

(Close shot of Kevin as he glances off, then looks toward Mr. Aidem.)

KEVIN: Uh, I don't know! (Gestures.) I think I like the Tigers - or maybe the Cubs. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem as he puts a forkful of food in his mouth and shakes his head.)

MR. AIDEM: Oakland's gonna knock everyone else on their butts.

(Shot of the younger sisters looking at Mr. Aidem off-screen.)


(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem looking offended.)


(Close shot of Mr. Aidem shrugging and looking at the girls off-screen.)

MR. AIDEM: Oh...(shrugs)...sorry...(Nods.)

(Mr. Aidem looks at Mrs. Aidem off-screen.)

MR. AIDEM: Not at the dinner table.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling, then glancing around the faces.)

Still, I had to admit - I liked it there. It was nice being in a civilized home.

(Kevin looks at his food and smiles, then looks toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

(Shot of Mrs. Aidem looking at Mr. Aidem off-screen, and pointing at her throat.)

MRS. AIDEM: Oh. Ben?

(She frowns and whispers.)

MRS. AIDEM: Fix your collar.

(Shot of Mr. Aidem looking at Mrs. Aidem off-screen, and setting his fork down. He pulls his collar together, and nods slightly, then resumes eating.)

(Wide shot of all seated around the table, as the younger girls pass a bowl of rolls.)

A home where people actually said "please"...and used butter-knives.

(One girl hands the bowl to Mrs. Aidem, who bows exaggeratedly.)

MRS. AIDEM: Thank you.

As opposed to, say...

Cut to

Arnold Breakfast Table

(Close shot of a plate of buttered English muffins, as Jack reaches toward them and sticks his thumb on one, then picks it up. The camera pans up as he rips off a large portion with his teeth while he reads the paper.)

The Arnold house. We...

(Close shot of Kevin eating his cereal, and drinking his juice hurriedly.)

Were a house of men.

(Close shot of Wayne lifting his cereal bowl and slurping from it.)

A house of slobs.

(Wide shot of the guys. Wayne burps. Kevin burps. Jack burps.)

A house of hunters.

(Shot of Norma as she closes the refrigerator and frowns, as she looks toward the guys off-screen, mildly disgusted, then looks away.)

(Wide shot of the guys as they turn toward Norma off-screen.)

ALL: 'Scuse me.

(Norma turns away from the refrigerator and crosses out of the shot.)

(Close shot of Kevin drinking his juice hurriedly.)

Fortunately, as it happened...

(Close shot of Norma in the kitchen.)

There had wandered into our camp one person who did her best to look out for our best interests.

(Norma glances toward Kevin off-screen, pauses, and frowns. She gestures with a knife.)

NORMA: Kevin, I thought you hated that striped shirt.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Norma in surprise.)

KEVIN: Me? No -

(Kevin glances down at his shirt, then back toward Norma.)

KEVIN: I saw it in my closet, and I think it suits me.

(Close shot of Wayne smiling.)

WAYNE: Well, why is the collar up?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: It just so happens that some people like the way this looks, butt-brain.

(Close shot of Wayne as he frowns.)

WAYNE: Oh-oh. What people?

KEVIN (V/O): None of your business!

(Wayne smiles.)

WAYNE: Ju-lie...Heh-heh.

(Close shot of Jack looking over the top of his newspaper toward Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: Who's Julie?

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: No one.

(Kevin looks toward Wayne off-screen.)

(Close shot of Wayne frowning.)

WAYNE: She's got you on a...pretty short leash there, hah, Kev?

(Wayne smiles, then squints and picks his teeth with a knife.)

This from a guy who's last successful relationship was with a nose-hair clipper.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen.)

KEVIN: At least I got a girlfriend.

(Close shot of Wayne rolling his eyes and standing up.)

WAYNE: You're running over to her house every, uh, single day...

(Wayne gestures, then walks past Norma toward the refrigerator.)

(Norma approaches, holding a plate.)

NORMA: I, for one, think Julie's very good for you, Kevin.

(She stands next to Jack.)

NORMA: Jack?

(Jack flips his paper down, mildly surprised, and looks toward Kevin off-screen. Norma bends closer and looks toward Kevin.)

NORMA: Look how nice Kevin looks.

(Shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)

(Shot of Jack frowning, and Norma smiling.)

JACK: Why's your collar up?

(Wide shot from the kitchen as Kevin sighs and shakes his head.)

KEVIN: I'm outta here.

(He stands, and heads toward the door.)


(Shot of Jack and Norma. Jack flips his paper up as Norma looks toward Kevin off-screen, surprised.)

No sense explaining myself to these cretins.

(Shot of Kevin opening the door.)

WAYNE (V/O): Hey, butthead?

(Kevin pauses and turns.)

(Shot of Wayne smiling and pointing.)

WAYNE: Make sure your seams are straight! (Laughs.)

(Shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen, then stepping outside.)

After all, why wallow in abuse? When I could have...

(Kevin slams the door.)

Cut to

Aidem Basement

(Shot of Julie smiling, carrying a tray of milk and cookies.)

JULIE: Milk and cookies.

(Wide shot of Kevin on the couch, and Julie sitting down next to him.)

KEVIN: Terrific. Thanks!

Yeah, this was the life.

(Julie hands a glass of milk and a cookie to Kevin.)

Catered to...coddled.

(She crosses her legs, puts her hands on her knee, and looks forward. She shrugs, turns to Kevin, and smiles.)

JULIE: So...did you miss me?

(Closer shot of Julie and Kevin as he pauses.)

KEVIN: You just went upstairs to get some cookies. (Frowns.)

(Shot past Kevin of Julie.)

JULIE: I missed you.

(Shot past Julie of Kevin as he glances off.)

KEVIN: Well...yeah! Yeah, of course I missed you! (Smiles.)

(Julie turns forward, and shrugs and smiles. Kevin frowns and looks off.)

Still, at two-and-a-half weeks into the relationship, it was beginning to occur to me that civilization was not without its discontents.

(Shot past Kevin of Julie, as she smiles and leans closer to him.)

JULIE: What are you thinking?

(Shot past Julie of Kevin. He looks at her, then looks off.)

She asked me that a lot.

KEVIN: I'm thinking...

(Kevin holds up a cookie and smiles.)

KEVIN: These are great cookies.

(Shot past Kevin of Julie smiling.)

JULIE: Well, tomorrow, I'll make brownies.


(Shot past Julie of Kevin as he looks at her.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): Hello?

(Shot of Pooh-Pooh barking, at the bottom of the basement stairs.)

(Shot of Julie and Kevin, as she looks over her shoulder toward the stairs off-screen.)

JULIE: Oh - Daddy must be home.

(Shot of the stairway as Mr. Aidem descends, holding a muffler and smiling.)

MR. AIDEM: Anybody down here?

JULIE (V/O): Daddy...

(Mr. Aidem steps around the dog.)

(Shot of Julie and Kevin looking toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

KEVIN: Hey, Ben! (Smiles.)

(Julie sighs.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem holding out the muffler.)

MR. AIDEM: Kev, how you doin'? New muffler - check it out! (Smiles.)

(Shot of Julie and Kevin as she smiles.)

JULIE: Well, it's great, Daddy.

(She nods, then frowns and looks down.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: Oh...yeah...(gestures.) Let me get something out of my toolbox, and I'll get out of your way. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Julie and Kevin as the dog barks.)


(Julie frowns as they both look toward the dog.)

(Shot from behind the couch as Julie stands up and approaches the camera.)

JULIE: Daddy! Look what you're doing to Pooh-Pooh!

(Shot of Mr. Aidem's legs and the barking dog, as the dog hops around.)

JULIE (V/O): You're hurting her feelings!

(Shot of Mr. Aidem raising his arms.)

MR. AIDEM: Oh...I don't know what got into me! (Smiles.)

JULIE (V/O): Well...

(Shot of Julie looking toward Mr. Aidem, as Kevin approaches her.)

JULIE: I'll go get her a biscuit.

(Julie exits up the stairs. Kevin watches her leave, then turns toward Mr. Aidem.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem glancing over his shoulder, as he gets something from the tool-box, then looks forward.)

And suddenly, the thought struck me this guy might appreciate a little male-bonding.

(Shot of Kevin as he approaches the camera, and glances around the basement.)

KEVIN: So, Ben, this is a...great cellar you got, here. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem, as Mr. Aidem looks over his shoulder toward the panty-hose hanging over the washer and dryer in the background.)

MR. AIDEM: Yeah, a few too many nylons for my taste.

KEVIN: Oh. Yeah. (Gestures.) Me, too.

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin. The dog barks.)

(Shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem's legs and shoes as the dog barks and hops around Mr. Aidem's legs.)

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Some dog.

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem as he turns around holding the muffler.)

MR. AIDEM: She's no Duke.

(Mr. Aidem looks at the muffler.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Duke?

(Julie approaches down the stairs.)

JULIE: Got the biscuit...(Smiles.)

(Kevin looks at her over his shoulder as she kneels down next to the dog, out of the shot.)

JULIE (V/O): Pooh-Pooh, I love you so much!

(Kevin looks toward Mr. Aidem.)

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem as he leans closer.)

MR. AIDEM: I'll tell you about Duke some other time.

(Shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem as Mr. Aidem walks past him. The camera pans as he passes Julie, who is approaching, holding Pooh-Pooh.)

MR. AIDEM: Sorry, honey.

And there you had it.

JULIE: Did you miss me?

(Shot past Julie of Kevin looking at her.)

So much for guy-talk.

KEVIN: Yeah. Of course I missed you. (Smiles.)

And we were back - to milk and cookies.

(Wide shot of both as Kevin gestures.)

KEVIN: Well, I really gotta get back home.

(The camera pans as Kevin heads toward the stairs.)

JULIE: But you're coming over tomorrow afternoon, right?

(Kevin pauses and turns.)

(Close shot of Julie as she smiles. "Ding!")

(Close shot of Kevin glancing off, then toward Julie.)

KEVIN: Course...I wouldn't miss it for the world. (Smiles.)

Cut to


(Wide shot of Kevin and Chuck. Chuck approaches, gesturing.)

CHUCK: I thought you were gonna be playing ball with us this afternoon!

(Kevin finishes wiping his hands on a paper towel and turns to the trash can.)

KEVIN: I just made these kinda...plans. (Gestures.)

(The camera pans slightly to include Paul and Ricky.)

PAUL: What plans? (Gestures.)

KEVIN: Nothing.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I was...just gonna go over...

(Shot past Kevin of the guys. Chuck puts his hands behind his head and swivels his hips.)

CHUCK: Ju-lie's house...

(Ricky moves closer.)

RICKY: Well, we were gonna play three-on-three!

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: OK! (Nods.) No problem. I'll be there.

(Kevin turns and walks toward the door.)

CHUCK (V/O): Yeah - right!

(Kevin pauses and turns over his shoulder.)

And that's when I felt a cold chill.

(The camera moves in slightly as he frowns.)

KEVIN: What?!

(Shot past Kevin of the guys.)

PAUL: She's really smothering you.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: What are you talking about?

(Shot past Kevin of the guys frowning.)

But I guess I knew. It was written all over their faces.

KEVIN: Look.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: Guys! I can do what ever I want to do! I'm playin' ball! I don't have to ask anyone! No one's gonna stop me! (Gestures.)

(Kevin turns toward the door.)

There! I'd faced the tribe.

(Shot from the hallway as Kevin exits and walks down the hallway.)

I'd made my stand.

JULIE (V/O): Hi, Kevin!

(Kevin pauses and turns, frowning.)

(The camera quickly pans 180 degrees to Julie, who is smiling.)

Just one little problem.

JULIE: I missed you.

(She squints and smiles, then walks forward as the camera pans with her.)

And maybe that's when I began to realize...

(She approaches Kevin, who is smiling.)

Cut to

Day - Sidewalk

(Close shot of Pooh-Pooh walking along the edge of the grass.)

The undeniable truth.

(The camera pans up Pooh-Pooh's leash to Kevin and Julie. Kevin is frowning, Julie is smiling.)

Julie Aidem had me...on a very short leash.

(The camera pans as they walk away down the sidewalk. Julie is smiling at Kevin, and swinging their joined hands.)

Fade to


(Painting of a group of cavemen.)

SLIDE (V/O): Primitive man derived his power from the tribe.

(Painting of two cavemen, looking at a fire.)

SLIDE (V/O): But occasionally, one of its members betrayed the rest.

(Painting of a single caveman.)

SLIDE (V/O): Soon, this lone hunter was set adrift from the pack.

(Shot of Kevin sitting at his desk. Chuck, Ricky and Paul are in the background.)

SLIDE (V/O): Cast asunder. Shunned, and ostracized.

PAUL: So! We gonna play some football this afternoon?

CHUCK: Yeah, I'll be there.

RICKY: Yeah - me too.

By the next day...

(Close shot of Kevin looking past the camera toward the guys off-screen.)

One thing was clear.

KEVIN: Hey, guys - what time are you playing?

(Closer shot of Chuck and the guys. Chuck looks toward the ceiling, surprised.)

CHUCK: Did you guys hear something?

RICKY: Not me!

(Chuck looks toward Kevin off-screen, and smiles while he chews his gum.)

In my tribe...

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the guys off-screen.)

My name was mud.

(Kevin turns forward.)

Still, I had one skill...

Cut to


(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and walks forward, then trots forward past the guys, and faces then, walking backward.)

Primitive man did not.

KEVIN: Come on, guys!

(The camera moves back to include all of them.)

I could whine.

CHUCK: What?!

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: I wanna play!

(Shot from behind Kevin as the guys pause.)

PAUL: Look, Kev? You bailed on us yesterday.

RICKY: And you didn't even tell us.

(Close shot of Kevin as he glances off.)

KEVIN: Well, I got tied up. (Shrugs.) It was an emergency. (Gestures.)

(Shot past Kevin of the guys.)

CHUCK: It was Julie! (Nods.) Wasn't it?

(Close shot of Kevin gesturing.)

KEVIN: It was one time! I promise - it'll never happen again.

(Shot past Kevin of the guys.)

KEVIN: Please?

(Close shot of Kevin waiting expectantly.)

And with that...

(Close shot of Ricky frowning.)

I'd bared my soul.

(Sound of drums. The camera pans to Paul.)

Thrown myself on the mercy of the tribe.

(The camera pans to Chuck, chewing his gum.)

They in turn, pronounced their verdict.

(Sound of trumpeting mastodon.)

(Chuck glances toward the guys off-screen, then looks at Kevin off-screen and shrugs. Drums end.)

CHUCK: What the hell?

(Chuck exits past the camera.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - Park

(Slow-motion shot of Kevin and other playing football. Kevin goes out for a pass, catching it, and running forward.)

And so, that afternoon, I was...

(Slow-motion shot of the center and linemen as the ball is snapped to Kevin.)


(Kevin back-pedals as an opponent rushes him.)

A few hours with the guys, and I remembered who I was.

(Kevin side-steps the opponent, and runs forward.)

Kevin Arnold. Runner.

(Kevin gets tackled.)

Passer. Hunter.

(Slow-motion shot of Paul passing the ball.)


(Slow-motion shot of Kevin running his route, turning, and catching the ball. He runs forward, past the camera, smiling.)

And it felt good.

(Slow-motion shot of Kevin and teammates congratulating each other.)

TEAMMATE1: Alright...

TEAMMATE2: Hey, way to go..

Cut to

Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of the door as Kevin enters.)


KEVIN: Hey, Mom!

(The camera pans as Kevin walks past Norma standing in the kitchen.)

By the time I got home I was a new man.

(Norma smiles and looks down at her cup, then turns to Kevin, who is about to enter the dining room.)

NORMA: Kevin? You have a visitor.

(Kevin turns to Norma. The camera pans moves in on him as he glances toward the kitchen table in surprise.)

(Some eerie music plays.)


(Wide shot of Julie at the table, smiling.)

JULIE: Hi, Kevin!

(Close shot of Kevin still looking surprised.)


(Closer shot of Julie as she smiles. "Ding".)

(Shot from behind Julie as Kevin approaches past Norma.)

KEVIN: I wasn't expecting you.

NORMA: Julie and I were just...(nods)...getting to know one another. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Julie shaking her head and shrugging slightly.)

JULIE: I was just worried about you, Kevin. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Norma and Kevin, as Norma smiles at him.)

NORMA: Isn't that sweet?

(She glances toward Julie off-screen, then shrugs and smiles at Kevin.)

NORMA: She was just worried about you...

KEVIN: So, Julie? Julie - what's goin' on?

JULIE (V/O): Oh, nothing.

(Shot of Julie.)

JULIE: I thought you were coming over today.(Smiles.)

(Shot of Norma and Kevin as Norma smiles at him.)

NORMA: Isn't that sweet?

KEVIN: Mom! (Frowns.)

NORMA: Oh...

(Norma smiles and starts to back up.)

NORMA: I'll just...leave you two together.

(She looks at Kevin, then smiles and waves at Julie off-screen.)

NORMA: Seeya later, Julie.

JULIE (V/O): Hope so, Mrs. Arnold.

(Norma glances over her shoulder as she exits toward the living room.)

NORMA: Isn't that sweet?

(Kevin looks at Julie.)

(Shot of Julie smiling.)


(Shot of Kevin looking off.)

It was clear we'd reached a critical juncture.

(Kevin looks toward Julie off-screen.)

KEVIN: Julie?

(Shot of Julie smiling and nodding.)

JULIE: Yes, Kevin?

(Shot of Kevin as he hesitates.)

It was time to set gound-rules. Here and now.

KEVIN: Well...(gestures)...every once-in-a-while, guys just...you know, gotta hang out with..other guys.

And there it was.

(Shot of Julie smiling.)

Gentle...but somehow, firm.

(Julie shakes her head and shrugs.)

JULIE: I guess you forgot what today is...

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Today? (Frowns.)

(Closer shot of Julie smiling.)

JULIE: It's our three-week anniversary!

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: It is?

(Shot of Julie nodding.)

JULIE: I got you a gift!

(She pull a box out from under the table, and smiles as she hold it out toward the camera.)

Oh, jeez...

(Shot from behind Julie of Kevin.)

KEVIN: You did?

JULIE: Open it!

(Kevin approaches, smiling slightly.)

Made you wonder if they knew how to gift-wrap crow.

(Kevin takes the box, glances a Julie, then pulls the top off.)

(Close shot of Julie looking at the box, then smiling toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot past Julie of Kevin as he spreads the paper.)

JULIE: Do you like it?

(Kevin looks up from the box at Julie, as he touches the shirt.)

KEVIN: Well, yeah!

(Kevin smiles as he lifts the shirt from the box.)

KEVIN: Y'I-I love it!

(Kevin smiles and gestures at the shirt.)

KEVIN: It's great! It - it's...


KEVIN: Striped!

(Kevin looks at the shirt.)

(Close shot of Julie.)

JULIE: You know, Kevin...

(The camera pans with Julie as she rises, steps around the table, and pauses.)

JULIE: If you want to be with the guys sometimes...I understand!

KEVIN (V/O): No, no - that's not it - it-it's just -

(Julie approaches Kevin, looking at the shirt he has on.)

JULIE: I wouldn't want you to feel like I was smothering you.

(She adjusts his collar.)

(Shot past Julie as she adjusts his shirt, and Kevin smiles.)

KEVIN: No! Don't be ridiculous, you're not smothering me...

JULIE: If you don't think we're right for each other...

(Kevin frowns, looks off, and nods.)

KEVIN: No, Julie, I...definitely think we're right for each other.

(Shot past Kevin as Julie smiles.)

JULIE: Oh, that's what I think, Kevin!

(Shot past Julie of Kevin.)

And right about then...

(Shot past Kevin as Julie smiles.)

Something went wrong.

JULIE: So maybe it's time we made more of a commitment.

(Shot past Julie of Kevin mildly surprised.)

KEVIN: A commitment?

(Julie nods.)

(Shot past Kevin as Julie smiles.)

JULIE: Oh, Kevin!

(She hugs him. The camera moves close to her over Kevin's shoulder.)

JULIE: This is so exciting!

(Wider shot of them face-to-face as Julie pulls away and smiles excitedly. Kevin is still a little shocked.)

JULIE: I can't wait to tell everyone we're going steady...First we have to tell Mommy and Daddy at dinner.

(Julie smiles, kisses Kevin on the cheek, then exits. Kevin frowns and looks over his shoulder after her.)

And suddenly, somehow...I...

(Kevin frowns again, and mouths "steady?")

Was going steady.

(Very loud sound of a slamming door.)

Cut to

Ext. Night - Street

(Shot of cars parked at the curb as Kevin approaches up the sidewalk.)

Not that I'd actually agreed to anything, you understand...not technically, anyway.

(Kevin pauses and looks toward Julie's house off-screen.)

(Wide shot of the house and hanging laundry. An owl hoots.)

Still, that night outside Julie's house...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

I knew I didn't have the courage to turn back.

(Kevin flips his collar up on his new striped shirt.)

(Kevin pauses, then walks past the camera.)

(Shot from inside the open garage as Kevin approaches.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): Hey, Kev!

(Kevin pauses on his way to the front door.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem squatting next to the sports-car.)

MR. AIDEM: I hear there's gonna be a little announcement tonight.

(He stands, tosses a rag toward the car, and walks forward.)


(Shot from the back of the garage of Mr. Aidem and Kevin, as Mr. Aidem sits on the fender.)

The whole family knew. And not only that...

(Shot of Mr. Aidem looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

Now we were gonna have "the talk".

(Close shot of Kevin, looking off.)

The father-of-the-bride speech, about the birds...

(Shot from the back of the garage as Kevin approaches Mr. Aidem.)

About the bees...

(Mr. Aidem looks toward the street.)

MR. AIDEM: Duke loved nights like this.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the street.)


(Kevin turns back to Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

KEVIN: Was Duke your dog? (Smiles.)

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem looking at him, smiling.)

MR. AIDEM: Duke was a hell of a dog.

(Pooh-Pooh barks in the background.)

(Mr. Aidem looks toward Pooh-Pooh off-screen and smiles.)

MR. AIDEM: Heh-heh. Not like Pooh-Pooh back there.

(Mr. Aidem looks at Kevin.)

MR. AIDEM: Duke was a black Lab. Eighty...pounds.

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): He was so full of fun...and so full of spirit.

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: He was a real man's-best-friend kind of dog, ya know? Duke wasn't afraid of anything.

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin smiling.)

I could tell Duke was more than just a dog to this guy.

KEVIN: What happened to him?

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: Ran away the day I proposed to June. (Smiles.)

(Mr. Aidem looks off.)

MR. AIDEM: Well, I still think about him, ya know?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): Every now and then...

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: At night...I swear...I can still hear Duke's howl.

(Short pause as Mr. Aidem "thinks".)

MRS. AIDEM (V/O): Ben!

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem turning toward Mrs. Aidem off-screen.)

MRS. AIDEM (V/O): Dinner!

(Close shot of Kevin turning to Mrs. Aidem off-screen.)

(Shot from the back of the garage of Mr. Aidem and Kevin. Mr. Aidem stands and taps Kevin's shoulder.)

MR. AIDEM: Come on.

(They exit past the camera.)

Cut to

Aidem Dinner Table

(Shot of the dishes on the table, as Kevin hand lifts a glass. The camera pans with Kevin's hand to show Kevin and Julie seated at the table, as Kevin takes a drink.)

That night, I did my best to forestall the inevitable.

(Julie turns to Kevin nudges him, and nods directionally.)

JULIE: Kevin...

(Kevin looks at her as she smiles, then looks toward Mrs. Aidem off-screen.)

KEVIN: Uh...terrific pot-roast, Mrs. Aidem.

(Shot Mrs. Aidem looking toward Kevin off-screen, then smiling.)

MRS. AIDEM: Thank you, Kevin.

(Shot of Kevin and Julie. They look toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

But then, I guess they don't call it...

(Shot of Mr. Aidem smiling slightly and glancing away as he cuts his food.)

The "inevitable" for nothing.

(Shot of Kevin and Julie. She smiles, then shakes her head.)

JULIE: Kevin - don't you have an announcement to make?

(Kevin turns toward Julie, and pauses in surprise.)

(Shot of Mrs. Aidem smiling and looking down.)

At least not around the Aidem household.

(Shot from behind the sisters of Kevin and Julie. Kevin is still a little surprised.)

KEVIN: Yeah! (Smiles.)

(Kevin glances off and his smile fades.)

KEVIN: Yeah...yeah, I do.

(Kevin takes a deep breath and glances toward Mr. Aidem off-screen, and opens his mouth to speak.)

JULIE: Oh, Kevin...(Nods) I think you should stand up.

(Kevin pauses and looks toward Julie.)

(Julie smiles and Kevin stands slowly.)

And so, we'd arrived. At the last exit. The final whistle.

(Kevin glances at Julie, who is smiling at him.)

KEVIN: Well...

(Kevin pauses, and looks toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

And that's when it happened.

(Shot of Mrs. Aidem looking toward Mr. Aidem and frowning. She points to her throat.)

MRS. AIDEM: Honey? Fix your collar.

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Mrs. Aidem off-screen to Mr. Aidem off-screen. Low music starts to play.)

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem looking toward Mrs. Aidem off-scren as he adjusts his collar.)

It was...

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Mr. Aidem off-screen to Mrs. Aidem off-screen.)


(Close shot of Julie smiling at Kevin off-screen. Ding!)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down suddenly.)

(Shot of Kevin's legs and Pooh-Pooh barking and pawing them.)

(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem frowning.)

MRS. AIDEM: Pooh-Pooh! Stop that!

(Shot of the two sisters smiling and looking toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

SISTERS: I thought Pooh-Pooh only barked at you, Daddy!

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem smiling quickly.)

It was horrible.

(Shot of Julie looking toward Pooh-Pooh off-screen.)

JULIE: Down, Pooh-Pooh, down!

(Wide shot of all from behind the sisters.)

It was...amazing.

(Shot of Kevin's legs and Pooh-Pooh barking and pawing them. Kevin pushes the dog away with his foot.)

Almost as if Pooh-Pooh knew I was about to join the ranks of Aidem men.

(Close shot of Kevin as he glances around.)

(Shot of Kevin's legs and Pooh-Pooh barking and pawing them.)

(Close shot of Kevin as he glances around, then looks toward the dog off-screen.)

And then, from out of nowhere...

(Kevin looks toward the dog off-screen.)

I swear I heard it.

(Sound of a long dog-howl.)

(Kevin quickly looks over his shoulder toward the window behind him.)

(Shot from outside the house through the window of Kevin looking out. Primitive drums beat, and another dog-howl is heard. The camera moves in on Kevin slowly.)

It was a clear and clarion call. And I knew what I had to do.

(Close shot of the table as Kevin's fist slams down on it.)

KEVIN (V/O): No!

(Drums and music end. The camera pans up to Julie, who looks at Kevin's fist, then toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Wide shot of all from behind the sisters, as Kevin leans on the table.)

It was now or never.

(Kevin turns toward Julie.)

KEVIN: Julie - I can't do this. I just...can't!

(Kevin turns toward Mr. Aidem.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Julie off-screen.)

(Kevin flips his collar down.)

KEVIN: I like wearing my...collar down!

(Kevin pulls his shirt out of his pants.)

KEVIN: And I hate wearing striped shirts!

(Close shot of Julie frowning at Kevin off-screen in disbelief and shock.)

KEVIN (V/O): And I don't like cookies!

(Julie glances off.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning heavily toward Julie off-screen.)

KEVIN: I don't want to spend every minute with you. I like hanging out with the guys. I'm a hunter.

(Shot of the two sisters as they glance at each other.)

KEVIN (V/O): And a warrior.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Julie off-screen.)

KEVIN: And what about the mastodons?!

(Close shot of Julie looking up at Kevin off-screen, frowning.)

(Wide shot of all, as Kevin looks at Julie.)

OK - maybe I got little carried away about the mastodon thing.

(Close shot of Mrs. Aidem frowning at Kevin off-screen, puzzled.)

But I wasn't just speaking for myself.

(Shot of the two sisters as they stare at Kevin open-mouthed.)

I was speaking for all man-kind...

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem looking toward Kevin off-screen, expressionless.)

For Ben.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

And even...for Duke.

(Kevin turns over his other shoulder.)

Wherever he was.

(Kevin looks toward Julie off-screen, pauses, then shrugs heavily.)

KEVIN: I just - I can't do it, Julie. We can't go steady.

(Shot of Julie looking hurt and frowning at Kevin off-screen. She glances away and hurriedly rises.)

(Wide shot of all as Julie stands and hurries around the table. Mrs. Aidem tosses her napkin down and follows Julie, followed by the sisters.)

And then...it was over.

(Kevin is leaning on the table, and glances toward Mr. Aidem.)

Except for one thing.

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

MR. AIDEM: I think you better go, Kev.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

KEVIN: Good idea.

(Kevin hesitates, then walks out of the shot opposite Mr. Aidem.)

Fade to


(Drawing of a group of primitive men on a grassland.)

SLIDE (V/O): Man. Fire-maker. Tool-maker.

(Drawing of two cavemen near a fire, holding sticks.)

SLIDE (V/O): Thinker of complex thoughts.

(Shot of Kevin crumpling up a paper-ball. Chuck is in the background shooting spitwads. Paul, Ricky and others are throwing things.)

SLIDE (V/O): Noble, curious, dignified.

Over the next few weeks, I rejoined my tribe.

(Kevin turns toward the guys and throws his paper ball.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - Park

(Shot of the guys playing football. Kevin is looking to pass the football.)

And in a lot of ways...

(Kevin runs forward.)

I was back where I belonged.

(Kevin gets tackled.)

(Sound of car horn.)

(Close shot of Kevin as he stands up, and looks toward the street off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Mr. Aidem sitting on his sportscar parked at the curb.)

(Shot of Kevin, Paul and a team-mate as Kevin turns and tosses the ball to Paul.)

KEVIN: I'll be right back.

(The camera rolls back as Kevin approaches.)

Still, I guess I knew there was still some unfinished business.

(Kevin smiles and trots forward. The camera pans with him as he approaches Mr. Aidem.)

Between Ben and me, at least.

KEVIN: Hey, Ben!

MR. AIDEM: Hey, Kevin! I thought that was you. You looked pretty good out there.

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin smiling.)

KEVIN: Thanks!

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem nodding and smiling.)

KEVIN (V/O): So!

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

KEVIN: How's Julie?

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: She found a new guy...They're goin' steady...

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin. He snorts and nods.)

KEVIN: No kiddin'...

MR. AIDEM: Yeah, he looks great in stripes.

(Kevin smiles.)

KEVIN: I bet.

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Aidem smiling.)

(Shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem, as Kevin glances at the car.)

KEVIN: Hey! You got the car out on a Thursday, huh?

(Mr. Aidem glances toward the car.)

MR. AIDEM: Yeah, I thought I'd go a little crazy!

(Shot past Mr. Aidem of Kevin smiling.)

And in a way, I couldn't help thinking I had something to do with it.

KEVIN: Well...

(Wider shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem.)

KEVIN: It was nice seeing you again. (Waves.)

(Kevin turns and trots toward the camera. Mr. Aidem stands up.)

MR. AIDEM: Hey, Kevin?

(Kevin pauses and turns toward Mr. Aidem.)

MR. AIDEM: One day you're gonna see.

(Shot of Kevin, and the guys in the distance behind him.)

KEVIN: What's that?

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem. He smiles.)

MR. AIDEM: It's not that bad!

(Shot of Kevin, and the guys in the distance behind hum.)

MR. AIDEM (V/O): Having people who care for you, you know?

(Kevin glances off in thought, then looks toward Mr. Aidem off-screen.)

(Close shot of Mr. Aidem smiling.)

I guess Ben understood something. Something that I'd learn...

(Shot of Kevin, and the guys behind him.)

In time.

PAUL: Come on, Kev - let's go!

(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then toward Mr. Aidem off-screen, and smiles.)

KEVIN: Thanks! I'll keep that in mind.

(Shot of Kevin and Mr. Aidem, as Kevin turns and runs past the camera.)

(Mr. Aidem opens the door and gets in the car.)

(Shot of the guys as Kevin returns to them.)

But me? I was just a sixteen-year-old guy.

(Shot of the guys huddled up, ad Kevin diagrams a play on Ricky's back.)

And the way I saw it...there were still a lot of mastodons yet to be slayed.

GUYS: Break!

GUY: Alright!

(Sound of Mr. Aidem's car horn.)

(Close shot of Kevin turning over his shoulder.)

(Shot of Mr. Aidem driving away, and waving. The camera pans with the car, and stops on a close-up of a black Labrador dog. The dog barks.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder, and frowning.)

(Wider shot of the dog as it turns and runs up a street, away from the camera. The dog fades out. Sound of a dog howl.)

Fade to


(Pooh-Pooh barks.)

Supporting Cast
Julie - Wendy Cox
Mr. Aidem - Lyman Ward
Mrs. Aidem - Sandy Faison
Chuck - Andrew Mark Berman
Ricky - Scott Nemes
Paul - Josh Saviano

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Episode Info
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12/19/98 22:15