Episode 88 - "Carnal Knowledge"
OPENING SEQUENCE
(Black-and-white photo of young Kevin wearing a cowboy hat, smiling at the camera.)
If there's one thing every kid needs growing up...
(The camera pulls back, revealing young Paul sitting on a tricycle next to Kevie, smiling and waving at the camera.)
It's a best friend.
(Black-and-white photo of Kevin and Paul standing with their backs against the corner of a building looking at the camera.)
Someone you trust. Someone who trusts you. Someone you measure yourself against.
(Fade to a black-and-white photo of Kevin and Paul wearing baseball uniforms. Kevin is at bat while Paul is the catcher.)
You go through everything together. Important things...stupid things...
(Fade to black-and-white photo of Kevin on a theatrical stage, looking up.)
Things that matter...
(The camera pans up to Paul who is wearing a bunny suit and smiling.)
Things that don't.
(Fade to b/w shot of Kevin and Paul, about age six, wearing dark suits. Kevin has his arm around Paul's shoulder. Both are smiling at the camera.)
Paul Pfeiffer and I had been best friends since the day we were born.
(Fade to color photo of them in the same pose, age 16, smiling at the camera. The camera pulls back.)
And in that time, we'd been through everything. Well, almost everything. Everything, that is, but...
Cut to
Int. Day - Cafeteria
(Close shot of the table as a folded newspaper is slapped down onto it. Most of the page is an image of Ann-Margret, under the title "Carnal Knowledge".)
CHUCK (V/O): Here it is, guys. Our invitation...
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky seated at the table.)
CHUCK: To paradise.
(Ricky looks at the paper.)
RICKY: What? (Frowns.)"Bedknobs and Broomsticks"? (Gestures.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at the paper.)
CHUCK (V/O): Look again, doofus.
(Kevin looks toward Chuck off-scren.)
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky as Chuck points to the paper.)
CHUCK: "Carnal...knowledge". (Nods.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Chuck off-screen.)
In adolescent terms...
(Kevin looks at the paper.)
It meant one thing.
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky as they both look at the paper and put some food in their mouths.)
A three-letter word, starting with "S", ending with "X"...
(Shot of Kevin looking at the paper as he chews.)
And sandwiched in the middle...
(Kevin looks toward Ricky off-screen.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking down.)
RICKY: Ann-Margret.
(Ricky smiles and nods at Chuck off-sreen.)
CHUCK (V/O): You got it.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the paper off-screen.)
KEVIN: Lemme see that.
(Kevin picks up the paper and looks at it.)
Not that I was some kind of fiend, ya understand. I was just...sixteen.
(Kevin puts some food in his mouth and looks at Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: So, when do we go? (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Chuck smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
CHUCK: How about Friday night? (Nods.)
(Wider shot of all at the table as Paul approaches next to Kevin.)
RICKY: I'm there!
KEVIN: Count me in!
(Paul sits next to Kevin.)
After all, it was a major cinematic event.
(Paul looks at the paper.)
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky.)
Something no red-blooded male could turn down.
(Shot past Chuck of Paul and Kevin. Paul frowns at Kevin.)
PAUL: Forget it - you can't see this.
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky frowning.)
KEVIN (V/O): What?!
(Shot past Chuck of Paul and Kevin. Paul looks at Chuck.)
PAUL: You heard me.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
PAUL: Says right here - ya gotta be seventeen.
(Kevin frowns.)
That was Paul for ya.
(Kevin picks up the paper and looks at it. Paul looks at Kevin, then sips some milk through a straw.)
Grandma in size twelve desert boots.
(Kevin puts the paper down.)
RICKY (V/O): So?
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky.)
RICKY: We've all got fake ID's, right? (Smiles.)
CHUCK: Right! (Smiles.)
(Shot past Chuck of Paul and Kevin.)
KEVIN: Besides, Paul...
(Kevin glances at Paul, then looks at Chuck off-screen.)
KEVIN: I think you're missin' the point.
CHUCK (V/O): Yeah - lemme lay this out for you.
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky as Chuck reaches for the paper.)
CHUCK: In this movie...
(A student walks across the shot. Chuck makes a little dramatic face.)
CHUCK: They...do...everything.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Chuck off-screen, then Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Chuck off-screen.)
PAUL: Everything?
(Close shot of Ricky frowning dramatically at Paul off-screen.)
RICKY: Everything. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Ricky off-screen and shrugging slightly.)
PAUL: Like what? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking down and frowning.)
Now, keep in mind...
(Close shot of Chuck looking at Paul off-screen, as he smiles and shrugs slightly.)
This was nineteen-seventy-two.
CHUCK: Well, uh...
(Close shot of Kevin smiling and glancing from Chuck to Paul off-screen.)
Lust and ignorance went hand-in-hand.
(Kevin looks toward Ricky off-screen.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Paul off-screen.)
RICKY: Well, if you don't know, we're not gonna tell you.
(Shot past Chuck of Paul and Kevin.)
CHUCK (V/O): Yeah.
(Kevin gestures and shrugs slightly.)
PAUL: Right.
(Paul frowns, then resumes eating.)
KEVIN: Look. Paul, we're goin'.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
KEVIN: So, you coming with us or not?
(Paul looks at Chuck and Ricky off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky looking at Paul off-screen.)
(Shot past Chuck as Paul looks toward Kevin.)
PAUL: Well, I'd like to.
(Paul sips his milk.)
KEVIN: Great!
(Kevin resumes eating.)
There. Done deal.
(Paul looks toward Chuck.)
PAUL: But, I...can't.
(Paul looks at Kevin. Kevin looks at Paul.)
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky looking at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): I'm having dinner.
(Chuck and Ricky frown slightly.)
(Shot past Chuck of Paul and Kevin. Paul looks at Chuck, then turns to Kevin.)
PAUL: With my family. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Chuck and Ricky looking at Paul off-screen. Music "Walk Like A Man" - The Four Seasons starts.)
"He said..."
(Ricky scratches his head as Chuck leans back and frowns.)
Cut to
Ext. Day - The Road
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin smiling slightly as he drives.)
"Walk like a man"
KEVIN: I don't believe this. Dinner with your family?
"Talk like a man"
(Kevin looks toward Paul off-screen.)
(Shot through the windshield of both. Paul looks out his window.)
I'd known Paul a long time. I'd seen him do a lot of unexplainable things. But this...
"No woman's worth"
(Paul turns toward Kevin.)
PAUL: Kev, I told you - it was unavoidable. (Gestures.)
"Crawlin' on the earth"
PAUL: My mom's old college roommate's staying in town. I mean, she and her family -
KEVIN: So, tell 'em you're sick. (Gestures.)
(Close shot through the windshield of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Oh, right.
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): Look....
(Close shot through the windshield of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: This roommate's got a daughter who's a freshman in college. And she's studying marine biology.
"So walk like a man, my son"
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: So? (Frowns.)
(Close shot through the windshield of Paul looking off and shrugging slightly.)
PAUL: Well...
(Paul looks at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I'm interested in marine biology, so I thought this would be -
KEVIN (V/O): Wait.
"Bye bye baby, I don't-a mean maybe"
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul - lemme get this straight.
(Kevin looks forward.)
KEVIN: You're giving up a perfectly good Friday night...to talk about fish?
(Kevin frowns and looks at Paul off-screen.)
"Gonna get along somehow"
(Close shot through the windshield of Paul looking off and shrugging.)
PAUL: Well...
(He looks at Kevin off-screen.)
"Soon you'll be cryin'"
There.
"On account of all your lyin'"
I had him on the ropes.
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
All I needed now...
(Kevin looks forward.)
Was a sucker-punch.
"Oh yeah, just look who's laughin' now"
(Kevin glances toward Paul off-screen, then forward.)
KEVIN: Come on...
"I'm gonna...walk like a man"
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Come with us.
(Kevin looks forward, and gestures slightly.)
"Fast as I can"
KEVIN: For me.
"Walk like a man from you"
(Close shot through the windshield of Paul looking forward, then making a little face.)
PAUL: OK...maybe I can make the nine o'clock show.
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin smiling at Paul off-screen.)
"I'll tell the world"
Bingo.
"'Forget about it, girl'"
(Kevin looks forward.)
KEVIN: I'll pick ya up at eight-thirty.
"And walk like a man from you"
(Shot through the windshield of both.)
And with that, we were on our way. The plan was set.
(Music ends abruptly.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Arnold Kitchen
(Shot of Norma at the sink. She approaches with a bowl of mashed potaotes.)
The coast was clear.
NORMA: Jack? (Smiles.) Let's go see a movie tonight.
(Norma sits down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
Just one little roadblock.
(Kevin takes a quick bite of carrots, and looks at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)
JACK: What's playin'?
(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)
NORMA: I think it's called "Carnal Knowledge".
(Close shot of Kevin looking from Norma to Jack off-screen.)
Uh-oh.
(Shot past Kevin of Jack frowning and slowly putting some food in his mouth.)
JACK: "Carnal Knowledge"?
This was bad.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
If there was one thing could kill a night with the guys...
(Kevin looks toward Jack off-screen.)
It was a night with the guy's parents.
(Shot past Kevin of Jack looking at his food, then at Norma off-screen.)
JACK: What's it about?
(Wide shot from the kitchen of all.)
NORMA: Oh, it's about...
(She takes a bite of potatoes and gestures with her fork.)
NORMA: Relationships.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen, then looking forward. A big buzzer sound-effect.)
JACK: Nnnh...(Nods.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)
NORMA: I think Ann-Margret's in it. (Smiles.)
(Sound of a hammer hitting a board.)
(Close shot of Jack looking up at Norma off-screen.)
(Sound of the sliding weight hitting a bell.)
JACK: Oh?
(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him, slightly worried.)
JACK: What time does it start?
KEVIN: Late.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Huh?
(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen, then at Jack.)
KEVIN: It starts really late. (Frowns.)
(He looks at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Unless ya make the early show...
(He looks at Jack.)
KEVIN: Which ya already missed.
(Jack looks at the paper off-screen, then Norma off-screen.)
OK - I was reaching.
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin in slight disbelief.)
I had to do something.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: And, and can you believe the tickets? They're up to three bucks a piece.
(He looks at his food.)
KEVIN: Not to mention the popcorn.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: What popcorn?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Fifty cents. (Nods.) Each.
(Close shot of Jack looking forward. Sound of a cash register. Jack frowns and looks at Norma off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Norma looking at him in mild disbelief.)
NORMA: Kevin!
(Shot past Jack of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Oh - and ya know what I heard, Dad?
(Jack turns toward him.)
KEVIN: Uh, there's gonna be a John Wayne film festival on channel nine, tonight. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Norma looking from Kevin to Jack off-screen.)
Going...
(Shot past Kevin of Jack smiling at him slightly.)
Going...
(Jack looks toward Norma, frowns slightly, then looks down.)
JACK: Norma, um...
(He sets his fork down, and wipes his mouth with a napkin.)
JACK: What'd ya say we...(gestures)...skip the movie...stay home...(smiles)...make our own popcorn? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Norma looking at Jack off-screen, then hesitating and shrugging.)
NORMA: That'd be fine. (Nods.)
(Shot past Norma of Kevin looking at Norma then at Jack off-screen and smiling slightly.)
Gone.
(Kevin looks back to Norma and pauses, frowning slightly.)
(Shot past Kevin of Norma making a face at him.)
OK. Maybe it was a little...
(Shot past Norma of Kevin looking at her.)
Thoughtless.
(Sound of a doorbell.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - Pfeiffer Living Room
(Shot of Alvin opening the front door.)
But absolutely necessary.
(Alvin steps back, and Kevin enters.)
ALVIN: Paul.
(Alvin shuts the door and puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder.)
ALVIN: Keverooski's here.
(Shot of Paul setting the table, and looking over his shoulder at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Oh.
(Shot of Kevin and Alvin.)
KEVIN: Paul. (Gestures.) You ready? (Frowns.)
(Kevin starts to walk forward.)
(Shot of Paul at the table.)
PAUL: Well, actually...
(Paul turns toward Kevin.)
(Shot of Kevin walking forward. The camera pans with him.)
PAUL (V/O): We...haven't had dinner yet.
(Paul and Kevin pause face-to-face. Alvin passes Kevin and stands next to him.)
ALVIN: Say, Kev - why don't you join us? Ida bastes a mean turkey. (Smiles.)
KEVIN: Thanks, but...
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking from Alvin to Paul and raising his eyebrows slightly.)
KEVIN: I have plans.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
IDA (V/O): Alvin!
(Shot of all three.)
ALVIN: Woops - the chef called.
(Alvin turns and walks toward the kitchen, flipping a hand-towel over his shoulder.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin turning toward him.)
I couldn't believe it.
KEVIN: What are you doing? (Frowns.) I was counting on you.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: Look, Kev, I'm sorry.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
PAUL: But we kinda got delayed, you know...talking.
KEVIN (V/O): Oh, yeah? Talking about what?
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Marine biology? Sea life? Squids? (Gestures.)
(Wide shot of both as a young woman exits from the kitchen and puts two candles on the table.)
Woops.
(She looks toward Paul.)
WOMAN: Paul.
Talk about your basic bad timing.
(The woman approaches.)
PAUL: Uh, Kev...this is my mom's college roommate's daughter.
(She holds her hand out.)
BETH: Beth.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen, smiling tightly and nodding.)
Swell.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul and Beth as she shakes Kevin's hand.)
BETH: It's nice to meet you - Paul's told me a lot about you.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at her off-screen.)
KEVIN: Um, well...
(Kevin looks toward Paul off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Beth looking at him.)
BETH: He says you're off to see a movie tonight.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah. But...(Smiles.)
(Kevin glances at Paul, then looks at Beth off-screen.)
KEVIN: I'm not too sure about which one we're gonna go see, yet. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Beth turning toward Paul.)
KEVIN (V/O): I mean, maybe...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Beth off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", or, you know...
(Paul looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Beth turning toward Kevin.)
BETH: I hear Jack Nicholson is very good in it.
(Wider shot of all as Beth looks at Paul.)
Great.
(Beth turns toward the kitchen.)
First I'm stood up, now I'm made a laughing-stock in front of a total stranger.
(Beth enters the kitchen.)
KEVIN: So, Paul - what's it gonna be? (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
KEVIN: Are you coming or not?
(Paul glances toward the kitchen.)
PAUL: Kev - I can't. (Shrugs.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him and hesitating.)
KEVIN: OK, then. Fine. (Nods.)
(Wider shot of both as Kevin turns away.)
KEVIN: Stay.
(The camera pans with Kevin as he frowns and walks toward the front door.)
So much for doing everything together.
(Kevin pauses and turns quickly.)
KEVIN: But I'll tell ya this...(Gestures.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at him off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): You miss tonight...
(Paul frowns slightly.)
KEVIN (V/O): You'll be missing out.
(Shot of Kevin as he hesitates, then opens the door. Sound of a car horn.)
Cut to
Ext. Night - The Street
(Shot of Kevin's car turning a corner and approaching the camera.)
(Shot through the car window of the marquee of the Culver theater, which reads "Now playing...Carnal Knowledge...Rated R")
(Shot through the windshield of Chuck, Kevin and Ricky as Kevin's car squeaks to a stop. They look toward the theater off-screen.)
CHUCK: Well...(points)...this is it. (Smiles.)
RICKY: Yeah...(Smiles.)
(Chuck leans closer toward Kevin.)
(Shot of the side of the car as the guys look toward the theater off-screen.)
And so, we'd arrived.
(Kevin and Ricky look toward each other and smile.)
Minus one best-friend, maybe...
(They look toward the theater off-screen.)
But ready for anything.
RICKY: Wow...
(Closer shot of the marquee. Some bluesy saxophone plays.)
There it was.
(The camera pans across the sign slowly.)
Beneath that marquee lay forbidden experience. Mysteries unveiled.
(Shot of the side of the car as the guys look toward the theater off-screen.)
Mysteries like...
(Ricky looks toward Kevin.)
RICKY: So, who's gonna buy the tickets?
KEVIN: What do ya mean "who's gonna buy the tickets"?
(Kevin frowns slightly, then looks at Ricky.)
(Shot through the windshield as they settle back in their seats. Kevin looks at Ricky.)
(Shot from the back seat of Kevin and Chuck looking at Ricky.)
KEVIN: I thought you we're gonna buy the tickets. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: What? (Frowns.)
(Ricky shakes his head slightly and looks at Chuck off-screen.)
RICKY: Why me?
(Shot from the back seat of Kevin and Chuck looking at Ricky.)
CHUCK: Cause you're the one with the fake ID.
RICKY (V/O): Me?
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at Chuck off-screen.)
RICKY: I don't have a fake ID. I thought you had a fake ID.
(Shot through the windshield of Chuck looking at Ricky off-screen.)
CHUCK: What?!
(Chuck turns forward in disbelief and puts his hand on his forehead.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Chuck off-screen.)
RICKY: You told me you had a fake ID.
(Ricky turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: Hey, Kev? You have a fake ID?
(Shot through the windshield of all three.)
KEVIN: I don't believe this.
(Kevin frowns and looks off.)
It was incredible. Here we were...
(Kevin and Chuck glance at each other.)
Fifty feet from the consciousness-raising experience...
(Shot through the windshield of Chuck as he lowers his hand and blinks.)
Of our lives...and we'd been shut down for lack of a petty...
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down.)
Forgery.
(Ricky glances at Chuck and Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: So what are we gonna do?
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin turning toward Ricky off-screen.)
Hmmmm...
(Kevin turns forward, then glances toward the theater off-screen, then looks off and frowns.)
Cut to
Int. Night - Theater
(Shot across the audience in the theater toward the exit door.)
KEVIN (V/O): Chuck! What are ya doin'?
(Kevin spreads the curtain slowly and enters, followed by Chuck and Ricky.)
OK - we were breaking and entering.
(Closer shot of Kevin frowning and looking at the guys off-screen.)
Maybe it was wrong, but these things happen when...
(Kevin crouches and walks off, followed by Ricky.)
You're keeping an appointment with...
ANN-MARGRET (V/O): My God - you're hot.
(Shot past a woman in the audience as the guys take a seat behind her.)
Destiny.
RICKY: There she is...
(Kevin turns to Ricky.)
KEVIN: Shhhh!
(The guys look at the movie off-screen.)
It was...awe-inspiring.
(Ricky smiles at Chuck.)
We sat there, three under-age pilgrims at the Mecca of forbidden fruit.
(Close shot of Chuck looking at the movie off-screen.)
Just us...
(Close shot of Ricky looking at the movie off-screen.)
Ann-Margret...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the movie off-screen.)
And, of course...
(A light shines on the side of Kevin's face. Kevin turns toward it.)
(Shot of a light flaring into the camera as ominous music plays.)
One angry usher.
(Wider shot of all three looking toward the usher off-screen.)
USHER (V/O): See your tickets?
KEVIN: Uh...
ANN-MARGRET (V/O): Cindy's not a virgin, either!
Cut to
Int. Night - Arnold Living Room
(Close shot of the TV showing John Wayne facing another man.)
JOHN WAYNE: Won't anything make a man out of you?
(He reaches over and removes the other man's gun from the holster.)
JOHN WAYNE: You once told me never to take your gun away from ya...
(JW dramatically hurls the gun to the ground, then back-handedly slaps the other man.)
JOHN WAYNE: You yellow-bellied...
(JW punches the man.)
JOHN WAYNE: Lily-livered...
(Wide shot of Kevin and Jack on the couch. Jack is asleep with his feet on the coffee table.)
And there ya had it.
(Kevin looks at Jack, then the TV off-screen.)
The perfect end to a perfect evening.
(Kevin picks up the remote and turns off the TV, sets down the remote, picks up a bowl, stands up, and walks toward the kitchen.)
(Shot from the kitchen of Kevin entering.)
All I knew was I was miffed.
(Kevin stands at the sink and empties the bowl into it.)
At Ricky and Chuck...
(Shot through the kitchen window of Kevin looking at the bowl.)
At fake ID's and R-ratings...
(Sound of knocking at the window. Kevin looks up.)
(Shot past Kevin as Paul appears at the window.)
Not to mention the neighborhood turn-coat.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking off, then walking toward the door. Paul crosses toward the door as a dog barks in the distance.)
(Shot of the kitchen door as Kevin opens it. Paul passes the camera and pauses.)
KEVIN: Paul - what are you doing here? (Gestures.)
PAUL: Well, I saw the light on. Could we talk for a second?
KEVIN: What about - marine biology? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: No...
(Paul looks off.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Well...what is it?
PAUL: Well...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: It's kinda hard to say.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him, as Paul looks off.)
Keep in mind...the night I'd had.
(Kevin sighs and looks off.)
I'd been ditched, dumped, and thrown out on my ear.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
I was in no mood for beating around the bush.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Look, Paul - it's late. (Frowns.) So unless this is really, really important...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: It's about Beth. You know at...at my house.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him and sighing.)
KEVIN: What about her?
PAUL: Well...we were having dinner together -
KEVIN: I know that, Paul. (Nods.)
PAUL: And...
(Paul puffs out his cheeks.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: One thing led to another...
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Wait. Lemme guess.
(Kevin glances off, then smiles at Paul.)
KEVIN: After the turkey...you snuck into the kitchen, and made mad passionate love to each other. (Smiles.) Right?
(Close shot of Paul looking blankly at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): Right?
OK - it was mean.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Paul off-screen.)
I couldn't help myself.
(Close shot of Paul looking blankly at Kevin off-screen, then looking off and frowning slightly.)
I just wasn't prepared for what Paul said back.
PAUL: Well...
(Paul looks at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: See, that's the thing...it wasn't the kitchen.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
And with that...suddenly, everything changed.
(Sound of an owl.)
Fade to
(Shot through the kitchen window of Paul seated at the table as Kevin paces.)
KEVIN: I can't believe this!
PAUL: Neither can I.
(Kevin turns toward Paul and leans on the table.)
KEVIN: Paul - if you're lying to me...
PAUL: Kev, I'm not lying. It happened.
KEVIN: You sure?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I think so.
It was incredible.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
Paul Pfeiffer had come to me in the middle of the night...
(Kevin straightens up and turns away.)
With the biggest news of our lives.
(Kevin looks at Paul again.)
(Close shot of Paul looking down.)
Well, his anyway.
(Wider shot of both as Kevin holds his hands out and looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: So...how did it happen?
(Kevin slides a chair out and sits down.)
KEVIN: Exactly.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
And, like all best friends...
(Paul looks off.)
I needed the low-down.
(Paul looks down, then off.)
PAUL: Well...
(Shot past Paul of Kevin smiling slightly at him.)
JACK (V/O): Paul?
(Kevin looks over his shoulder.)
(Wider shot of both as Jack enters from the living room and pauses inside the doorway, setting his glass on the counter.)
JACK: What are you doin' here at this hour?
(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at Jack off-screen.)
Rats!
(Kevin looks at Paul.)
PAUL: Uh...nothing. I was...just visiting.
(Kevin looks at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack frowning tiredly.)
JACK: Oh...well don't stay up too late.
(Jack turns away.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)
KEVIN: Sure, Dad.
(Shot past Kevin and Paul of Jack exiting to the living room.)
JACK: G'night.
And, back to the main event.
(Paul and Kevin look at each other.)
KEVIN: So? Where were we? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: I don't know...
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Paul! (Frowns.)
PAUL: No, I mean, I don't know.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: Besides, it was...(frowns)...dark, and...(frowns)...confusing.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: And that's it?
(Shot past Kevin of Paul turning toward him.)
PAUL: That's it. (Shrugs.) Then she and her family went back to their motel.
Jeez - talk about leaving out...
(Paul looks down.)
One or two minor details.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: What do you mean, "that's it"? (Frowns.)
Not to pry, or anything.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul turning toward him.)
PAUL: What?
KEVIN: That's all you're gonna tell me?
PAUL: What do ya mean? (Frowns.) I just told ya everything...
KEVIN: OK. Fine.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: You don't want to tell me...(gestures)...I understand.
Even though I didn't. At all. Period.
KEVIN: I mean there's no point in talking about it anymore, right? (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: Right.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
PAUL: So...maybe I should go.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah.
(Kevin nods and looks forward.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
I mean if the guy wanted to be that way...
(Paul stands up.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul as he passes behind him.)
Let him. What did I care? Just because we'd always...
(Shot of Paul pausing at the door.)
Gone through everything together before...
PAUL: Seeya tomorrow?
(Shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Sure.
No reason why things shouldn't change now.
(Paul exits off-screen and the door shuts after him.)
Nope. The best thing to do was just forget about it.
(Kevin looks off.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Lockers
(Close shot of Kevin at his locker.)
I forgot about it...all night.
(Paul crosses the shot to his locker next to Kevin.)
KEVIN: Hey.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking down.)
PAUL: Hi.
(Shot of both as Paul opens his locker. Kevin looks at him.)
KEVIN: Look, Paul...
(Kevin opens his locker and reaches into it.)
KEVIN: About last night...
(Kevin pulls out his notebook and looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: I know you came over to talk to me because...I'm your friend.
(Paul pulls out some papers and puts them in his notebook.)
KEVIN: So, if you need to talk about it...
(Kevin pulls another book from his locker.)
KEVIN: I just want you to know that I'm here for you.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking down.)
PAUL: Thanks. But I don't think I want to talk about it anymore.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Oh, come on. I know you want to talk about it. (Smiles.)
PAUL (V/O): No.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Kev, really...
KEVIN (V/O): Of course you do, Paul!
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him while he puts on his jacket.)
KEVIN: I mean, hey - I'd talk about it with you.
(Close shot of Paul looking forward.)
PAUL: Yeah, well, it didn't happen to you.
(Shot of both as Paul slams his locker and walks past Kevin, who pauses.)
KEVIN: What?! (Frowns.)
(Kevin slams his locker and looks over his shoulder as Paul turns the corner.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking after Paul off-screen.)
It was kinda like being socked in the face.
KEVIN: Wait a minute.
(Kevin hurries past the camera.)
(Shot of Paul approaching the camera, as Kevin turns the corner and hurries up to him.)
KEVIN: What's that supposed to mean? (Gestures.)
PAUL: Look, Kev...
(Kevin looks off and gestures.)
KEVIN: I mean, excuse me.
(Paul sighs and slows up. Kevin turns in front of him.)
KEVIN: Maybe you should tell me what subjects we can talk about. Would it be sports? Marine biology?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): I mean, you come to my house in the middle of the night...
(Paul looks off.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You wake me up to brag about -
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I did not. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You did too. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Did not! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You did too. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Look...
(Paul glances off, then looks at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Just don't tell anybody about this, OK?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Me? Hey - don't worry about it - my lips are sealed.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Good.
(Shot of both as Paul turns and walks toward the camera, which rolls back. Kevin looks after him.)
KEVIN: Great.
After all, let him keep it to himself. Mr. High-and-Mighty.
(Paul frowns and shakes his head slightly as he passes the camera. The bell rings.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Cafeteria
(Close shot of Ricky tipping a straw full of milk upside down into his mouth.)
I was leading a pretty exciting life of my own.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Ricky off-screen.)
KEVIN: Ricky! (Frowns.) Do ya have to do that?
RICKY (V/O): What?
KEVIN: Dump the...(gestures)...milk in your mouth like that.
(Shot of Ricky turning the straw upside down into his mouth, then looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): Can't ya just drink it? Like a person?
RICKY: Sorry. (Nods.)
(Ricky sets his milk down.)
(Shot of Kevin looking down.)
The thing is, suddenly my friends all seemed like...
(Kevin looks up.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky as Chuck sits next to him.)
Children.
CHUCK: OK, gents. (Smiles.) We are in!
RICKY: In where? (Frowns.)
CHUCK: You know...the movie!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): My brother said he'd buy us the tickets if we pay his way in!
RICKY (V/O): Cool!
KEVIN: Great. (Smirks.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck.)
CHUCK: What's the matter with him?
(Shot past Chuck of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Nothing. (Frowns.)
(He looks off and pauses.)
KEVIN: It's just you guys should hear yourselves. (Frowns.) "We're in"...(gestures)..."cool"...
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck looking at each other.)
KEVIN: I mean you guys are sixteen years old, sneaking into a movie theater.
(Shot past Chuck of Kevin looking at them.)
KEVIN: Doesn't that tell you anything? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck looking at each other. Chuck shakes his head slightly. Ricky frowns and rubs his chin.)
Apparently it didn't.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: Look. Has it even occured to you...(frowns)...that people here - people our age...are doing exactly the things that the people in the movies are just pretending to do?
(Close shot of Ricky looking off and frowning.)
(Close shot of Chuck chewing and twitching as he looks at Kevin off-screen.)
OK - so it didn't make...
(Kevin looks at both of them off-screen.)
Real sense.
(He sighs and looks down.)
I knew what I meant.
(Shot of Ricky looking from Kevin off-screen to Chuck off-screen and back.)
Unfortunately...
RICKY: What "people"? (Smiles.)
Oh, no.
(Close shot of Chuck sucking up some spaghetti, and pausing in thought.)
It was amazing.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
(Shot of Ricky and Chuck smiling at each other, then looking at Kevin off-screen.)
These two dolts, who couldn't grapple with the concept of grilled cheese...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
Had suddenly turned into geniuses.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck looking at him and gesturing.)
RICKY: Hey, Kevin - tell us his initials.
(Shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen and shrugging.)
KEVIN: Forget it! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck looking at him.)
CHUCK: If we guess...(gestures)...will ya tell us if we're right?
(Shot of Kevin looking down.)
KEVIN: No.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky and Chuck looking at him.)
RICKY: Come on, Kev - we'd tell you...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
KEVIN: I told ya - it's no one, OK?
PAUL (V/O): Hey, guys.
(Kevin looks toward Paul off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul holding his tray and handling his wallet on it.)
And that's when it happened.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Ricky and Chuck off-screen.)
(Shot of Ricky and Chuck looking toward Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking up, then toward Ricky and Chuck off-screen. Some ominous music plays.)
PAUL: What?
(Shot of Ricky and Chuck looking toward Paul off-screen.)
Now, of course, to an impartial jury...
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Chuck and Ricky off-screen.)
I may have been innocent...
(Kevin looks toward Paul off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at Ricky and Chuck off-screen.)
CHUCK (V/O): It's him!
(Paul closes his wallet slowly.)
(Shot past Paul of Ricky and Chuck smiling at him off-screen.)
CHUCK: I don't believe it! (Points.) It's Pfeiffer! Pfeiffer you dog! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Ricky and Chuck off-screen.)
RICKY (V/O): Way to go, Pfeiff! Who's the lucky girl?
(Paul looks slowly toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking off.)
Still...deep down, I knew...
(He looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: Paul, I didn't...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Thanks a lot, Kev.
I was guilty as hell.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen. Snuffy's "Growing Up" starts.)
Fade to
Ext. Day - Residential Street
(Long shot of Kevin walking on the sidewalk toward the camera with his hands in his jacket pockets.)
That afternoon, I took a walk. Didn't feel much like driving. I thought about what had gone on between me and Paul.
(Four young kids run into the shot and down the sidewalk.)
About how our lives were changing.
(Kevin looks after the kids as they run past him.)
Something was happening to us.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the kids off-screen.)
Something complicated.
(Long shot of Kevin as he turns toward the camera.)
And all I knew was...
(Kevin walks forward.)
I couldn't let things go the way they were.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder toward the kids in the far background, then continues forward.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Pfeiffer Livingroom
(Shot of Paul lying on the couch looking up, covering a book on his chest.)
IDA (V/O): Paul!
(Paul looks toward the door off-screen.)
(Shot of Ida, and Kevin looking at her.)
IDA: Kevin's here to see you. (Smiles.)
(Kevin looks at Paul off-screen as Ida looks at him.)
Well, one thing was obvious...
(Kevin puts his hands in his jacket pockets as Ida walks off toward the kitchen.)
This wasn't gonna be easy.
KEVIN: Hey.
(Shot of Paul lying on the couch.)
PAUL: Hi.
(Shot of Kevin as he approaches.)
KEVIN: What are ya doin'?
(Shot of both from behind Kevin, the camera rolls forward with Kevin.)
PAUL: Oh, this?
(Paul sits up.)
PAUL: Nothin'.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
PAUL: It's Beth's.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: She left it here.
(Paul sets the book on the couch.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at the book off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah - about that.
(Kevin looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: Paul...
(He pulls his hands out of his pockets.)
KEVIN: I'm sorry about what happened.
(He looks at the keychain in his hands.)
KEVIN: You know, with me, and...
(He looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: With the guys.
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
KEVIN: I just don't know what got into me.
(Paul looks forward.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: I mean...
(He looks down, then at Paul.)
KEVIN: I guess I should be happy for you. (Frowns.) But, instead...
(He looks down.)
KEVIN: I just feel lousy.
(He pauses, then looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: And I don't know why. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen, then looking off.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Anyway...congratulations. And, uh...(shrugs)...I think it's great. (Smiles.)
In a way, it was kind of a good bye.
Shot past Kevin of Paul looking off.)
The end of an era. After all, the guy didn't need me...
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
Anymore. So there was nothing left to say, but...
(Kevin slowly starts to turn away.)
PAUL: It's awful.
(Kevin turns toward Paul.)
KEVIN: What?
(Close shot of Paul looking forward.)
PAUL: It's horrible.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: You mean?
PAUL (V/O): No - not that.
(Close shot of Paul looking forward.)
PAUL: Me. I just don't know how to handle this whole thing.
(He looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: What are you talking about?
PAUL (V/O): I mean, what am I supposed to feel?
(Close shot of Paul looking off.)
PAUL: Did she like me? Or not? Was I OK? Or was she laughing at me? Or...
It was the first time I ever realized...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
How truly perilous love could be.
(Close shot of Paul looking forward.)
PAUL: It just happened so fast. And then...she was gone, and...I was left, and...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): Now she's getting on an airplane and...I'm never gonna see her again.
(Close shot of Paul looking off.)
And I guess at that moment it was clear. Some things never change.
(Paul looks at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I'm just not good at these casual relationships, Kev.
After all...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
Paul was Paul. And no matter what...
Cut to
Ext. Night - The Airport
(Shot of Kevin's car slowly approaching in front of the terminal. Snuffy's "Growing Up" starts.)
The guy...
(Paul hurries out of the car as it stops.)
Needed...me.
(Shot of Kevin getting out of the car and looks toward Paul off-screen.)
WOMAN on PA: The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only.
(Shot through the glass doors and windows of Paul hurrying into the terminal.)
WOMAN on PA: No parking please.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen.)
Growing up is complicated.
(Wider shot of Kevin and his car as he hurries toward the terminal.)
(Shot of Paul approaching, making his way past other people.)
Kind of a race against time.
WOMAN on PA: Will passenger *Janet Mars* please go to a white courtesy phone.
(Wider shot past an ticket clerk as Paul approaches.)
A search for identity.
(Paul hops over a suitcase.)
WOMAN on PA: Will passenger *Janet Mars* go to a white courtesy phone, please.
(Paul pauses and looks toward the flight schedule off-screen.)
For love.
(Shot of the "Sunray Airlines" schedule board.)
And the outcome's...
(Shot past the ticket clerk of Paul looking at the board off-screen as the woman in front of him turns away.)
Always in doubt.
(Paul frowns, looks off, looks at the board again, then hurries off.)
WOMAN on PA: Passenger Lee Allen, departing to...
(Shot from outside as Paul exits a boarding gate.)
Things happen fast.
(The camera slides sideways behind a chain-link fence as Paul approaches it and puts his hands up.)
Sometimes too fast.
(Shot of the double doors as Kevin slowly exits toward the camera.)
WOMAN on PA: Flight number forty-seven to Buffalo...
(Shot of a gray and red airliner taxing past.)
WOMAN on PA: Now departing.
(Shot of Paul at the fence as Kevin approaches behind him.)
But that night, with Paul...I knew one thing.
(Kevin taps Paul on the elbow, then stands next to him.)
We'd been through everything together.
(Shot from behind of both, with the airplane in the background.)
PAUL (V/O): I think I saw her.
KEVIN (V/O): You did?
PAUL (V/O): Yeah.
KEVIN (V/O): And she probably saw you.
PAUL (V/O): Think so?
(Paul turns slightly toward Kevin.)
KEVIN (V/O): Yeah.
And from here on out...
(Wider shot of both at the fence. The camera pulls up and back slowly.)
No matter what...we were gonna need each other...more than ever.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Ricky - Scott Nemes
Chuck - Andrew Mark Berman
Beth - Kawena Charlot
Music
"Walk Like A Man" - The Four Seasons
Next Episode
Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
03/21/05 18:00