That's When It Hit Me
(Ep 3 - "My Father's Office")
(On the bus with Steve and Wayne.)
Nor-com? What the hell is that?
It's a company, moron.
What does he do there? Is he the janitor?
No, he's the manager, jerk.
What does he manage, toilet bowls?
No, business, stupid! (Gestures.) He manages business.
"He manages business? What the hell's that supposed to mean?
And that's when it hit me. I had absolutely no idea what that meant. Fortunately, Wayne was able to salvage some of our family dignity.
So, you're too stupid to understand anyway, so, so...
(Wayne makes farting noises.)
Oh yeah?
(Steve starts making retaliatory farting noises. Paul joins in. Kevin frowns and looks out the window.)
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(Ep 7 - "Heart Of Darkness")
Winnie. Hi!
(Paul smiles broadly at Winnie. Kevin looks away disinterestedly.)
Look Kevin, it's Winnie!
(Kevin shrugs and looks away.)
It was Winnie, alright. Winnie - who had dumped me, stomped on my heart, left me in the dust for a lousy eighth-grader named Kirk McCray - but I had my dignity. I wouldn't let it show.
Hi.
(Winnie's smile fades as she sees Kevin's body language.)
Hi...So did you have a good weekend?
OK, now. Be carefree, yet restrained. Aloof, yet available at the drop of a hat.
(Kevin looks around and shrugs.)
Yeah, sure. It was fine.
Good...good...
So...do you guys want to walk around?
OK, steady, boy. Steady!
Where's Kirk? Don't you want to walk around with him? (Frowns.)
(Winnie looks a little hurt.)
Ah, nice goin'. Very smooth.
You guys are still my friends.
Hey,Winnie! Hey, Winnie! Hey, Winnie! Come over here, I think Kirk wants to tell you something!
(Winnie turns toward Kirk and smiles softly.)
Winnie, come on!
Uh, I guess you better go over there, or she might...pop a vein in her head or something. (He smirks.) We wouldn't want that to happen.
Yeah... Well...I guess I'll see you guys later! (Exits).
Yeah, later.
And that's when it hit me. This thing was bigger than Kirk McCray. Our Winnie was ascending like an angel into junior high heaven. Our Winnie...was becoming a "cool" kid.
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(Ep 50 - "The Cost Of Living")
Dad? Can I be a caddy?
Hah?
Well, see...there's this guy at school...who -
What do you know about golf?
Seemed to me, he was missing the point, here.
Well, uh...(gestures)...maybe I-I could learn.
Caddy? (Laughs.) A wuss like you?
Shut up, Wayne.
Honey? Don't caddies have to carry around all those heavy bags? (Shrugs.)
Seemed like everyone was missing the point.
Look, Mark Kovinsky makes twenty bucks a round, OK?!
There - 'nuff said! The old bottom-line. Try sayin' no to that!
I don't think so...
What?!
(The phone rings and Norma answers it.)
Hello?
I couldn't believe it!
(Norma holds the phone toward Jack.)
Jack? It's Ken.
Here I'd laid out a plan for total lifetime solvency...and he turns me down?
Yeah, Ken? No, no, don't worry about it - that's what I'm here for. Whatever you say, Ken...Yeah, yeah. Bye.
(Jack hands the phone to Norma who hangs it up. Jack frowns and throws down his napkin.)
Damn!
And that's when it hit me - Kovinsky was right. I had two choices. Be like my dad...or...be my own man.
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(Ep 60 - "Courage")
Dad?
Hmmm?
You were in combat, right?
Sure... (Nods.) I was in combat.
Were you scared?
Well...I don't know if I'd call it scared. We had a job to do, and we did it. No, when you're out there in the trenches and the smoke is stingin' your nose, and the bullets are zippin' past your head like flies...you don't have time to be scared.
And that's when it hit me. If my father was that brave...then maybe I had it in me, too. Somewhere, down deep.
There's only one thing that ever scared the pants off me.
What's that?
The dentist.
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(Ep 71 - "Day One")
(Kevin is in an empty school hallway.)
I remember it as clearly as if it were last night. It was the first day of school - I was late. I found the class and went in.
(Another empty hallway.)
I began to panic. Maybe I'd come on the wrong day...maybe I'd come to the wrong place! Every time I would open the door, there was another hallway. I couldn't find the teachers - I couldn't find the students. And that's when it hit me. This was high school. And I...was completely and utterly...alone.
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(Ep 72 - "The Hardware Store")
I was wondering if I could have the day off, Saturday?
Why?
Why - I have this...appointment.
Where?
Just...around.
Well then, uh, certainly.
Great! (Smiles.)
Of course, anytime you have a social engagement, and work interferes...(gestures)...you just let me know. (Gestures.) We'll close the store. (Nods.)
Hey, look - all I'm asking for here is a just -
We have an agreement. You work here Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And I pay you - what now? One dollar and sixty five cents an hour. Maybe now you would like me to pay you double-time for the days you don't work.
And that's when it hit me. The guys had been right. I wasn't an employee, here. I was...in bondage. A slave.
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(Ep 73 - "Frank and Denise")
There was only one thing to do - have this out, man-to-man. Then, run like crazy.
Frank?
What?
About Denise...
What about Denise?
But there was really no way to say it. The pain I felt. For them...not to mention me.
(Kevin dangles Denise's necklace in front of Frank.)
I think you should talk to her. (Shrugs.) You know...put things right.
Talk to her? Talk to her?! I told her she was kickin' my heart's butt!
Well, you couldn't put it more eloquently than that. Except, then Frank did.
"There are dark bitter places, on a dark cold floor".
I beg your pardon?
It's from one of her stupid books. (Sighs.) She really likes that stuff, doesn't she?
And of course, that's when it hit me.
(Cut to Fatso's Drive-in Restaurant. Denise is inside the order window.)
Welcome to Fatso's - can I take your order?
(Kevin and Frank are at the speaker. Frank looks at a book.)
Uh, just read it, right?
(Kevin nods.)
Hello...? Hello...?
Uh..."Give all to love". (Gestures.)
Heh-heh. If this didn't grab her, then I didn't know Denise "The Grease".
Who is this? I'm not amused, jerk! (Frowns.)
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(Ep 76 - "Soccer")
(On the football field.)
You gave it everything you got today, son.
Thanks! (Smiles.) That mean I made the team?
You gotta be jokin'. Hit the showers.
That fall of my sophomore year, one thing was clear. No matter how hard I tried...
(Cut to the bus.)
The wide world of sports wasn't wide enough to include me. Face it. I was five-foot-four, and a hundred-and-ten pounds. What team could I play on?
(A black-and-white ball bounces off the window and Kevin's head, landing in his lap.)
And that's when it hit me.
Sorry. Slipped away from me. (Smiles.)
That's OK. What's this? (Frowns.)
It's a soccer ball. Why?
Well, nothing. I just...haven't seen that many around.
Keep in mind this was nineteen-seventy-one. Soccer hadn't yet become the national past-time it is today.
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<(Ep 81 - "Grampa's Car")
(Albert has almost hit a car, then screeches to a stop.)
You alright?
I think so. (Frowns.)
But I wasn't. I'd had it. I was fed up.
Jeez, Gramps! (Frowns.) Didn't you see where you were going?!
Well, I...(Gestures.)
You could have gotten us killed! You're lookin' out the window, tellin' stories...not watchin' the road! (Frowns.)
(Albert frowns and sighs.)
That's how it happened yesterday, wasn't it? You weren't paying attention, were you, Gramps?
I was paying attention!
Then how'd you hit a parked car?
It was the sun!
What?
The sun. It was real low...it was...glinting in the rear-view mirror...(gestures)...and catching a whole row of...(gestures)... hubcaps, along the side of the street. You know what it's like, when you suddenly can't see anything...because of the glints, and the...traffic.
And I guess that's when it hit me. For the first time, this man, who'd always been Hercules to me, didn't seem quite the same. For the first time, my grandfather seemed...old.
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(Ep 85 - "Double Double Date")
(Kevin is with his prom date.)
And finally, it seemed we were actually gonna have a chance to be alone. Get acquainted. Just me, Inga...
(Paul approaches next to Inga, wearing a light-blue suit, with wide lapels.)
Hey, Kev, how's it going? (Smiles.)
And of course, Liberace.
Paul, this is Inga. (Gestures.) Inga, Paul.
Nice to meet you, Paul.
Yeah, I've seen you around school. You know, I think we have a class next to each other. I'm in history in 306, and you're, what, in English -
Paul?
Yeah?
Beat it.
Oops. (Smiles.) Gotta go. (Exits.)
After all, Paul understood. This date belonged to me. The girl, the body, the mind.
So, you come from a big city?
Ja, very big. (Giggles.)
Oh...!
Ornskoldsvik. (Smiles.)
Well, don't you ever get lonely here?
Ja. (Frowns.) Sometimes I get lonely (Nods.) But then, I tell myself, "Don't be lonely"...and then I'm not lonely! (Giggles.)
(Kevin looks blank.)
And I guess that's when it hit me. When it came to brains, this chick was a Swedish meatball.
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(Ep 97 - "Sex And Economics")
(Kevin and crew are painting Miss Farmer's house.)
I was flat broke. Busted. My only hope was to cut my losses and finish the job before it finished me.
Hey, Donnelly, over here. Look.
Whoa!
Hey guys! (Frowns.) You think we can get painting done here?
Lighten up, Arnold. We're on a break!
Alright, that's it! (Frowns.)
I'd had enough. I was fed up with these jokers. I'd been pushed to my limits.
Hey, you guys took a break twenty minutes ago. It's time to get some work done now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
And maybe that's when it hit me...
(Kevin looks in the window.)
The horrible truth.
(Miss Farmer is dusting some shelves.)
I was letting this poor school teacher's house be painted by...a bunch of perverts.
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(Ep 99 - "White Lies")
(On the couch watching TV.)
I should really call my parents. They don't know where I am.
No, let's watch a little more. You can call them later.
(Winnie smiles as Kevin stretches out a little. They look at the movie.)
After all, there was no need to hurry - we had plenty of time.
(Fade to later. There is a test-pattern on TV.)
We didn't see the end of the movie.
(The telephone rings.)
We didn't even hear the phone. Because that night, Winnie and I had done something we had never done together before. We fell asleep.
(Fade to morning. The telephone rings. Kevin gets up groggily.)
Coming...coming...
(Kevin picks up the phone.)
Hello? Oh! Hi, Mom! Yeah, yeah, of course I'm up - I've been up for hours...(checks watch.) Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. (Frowns.) I'm just getting ready for school...OK, I'll see you tonight. Bye.
(He hangs up and walks back to the livingroom.)
And that's when it hit me.
(Kevin turns off the TV, then loks toward the couch.)
Oh, my God.
(Winnie is asleep on the couch.)
Somehow Winnie and I had slept through the whole night.
Oh, my God!
I had to be calm - the voice of reason. I had to wake her gently, so she wouldn't -
(Kevin kneels down and shakes Winnie.)
Winnie! Wake up! It's seven o'clock! We slept in!
Panic.
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(Ep 102 - "The Test")
You should be studying.
Why?!
Enough was enough. It was time to put some sense to this whole fiasco.
Who says we have to take this stupid test, anyway? (Gestures.) Why should we let this one test affect our entire life? Why should one test make us this crazy? I say we're more important than that stupid test, and I for one, am not gonna let it control my life! (Frowns.)
There. Finally, A statement of principle. A manifesto of defiance. A cry for unity no red-blooded kid could fail to admire.
(Randy and Chuck make chicken-clucking sounds, and exit. Jeff smiles, then approaches Kevin.)
Nice try, buddy.
(Jeff pats Kevin's shoulder, smiles, and exits.)
And I guess that's when it hit me. What I'd been denying all week. About choices, and risks...and that test. I wasn't angry. I was just plain scared.
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(Ep 104 - "New Year")
Wayne - why can't the family get together another night?
Because. (Nods.) Holidays are a time for family.
Yee-ah.
(Wayne turns from the dryer with some hot laundry.)
Ow. Clothes are hot.
Wayne!
Besides...I thought it would be a nice thing to do.
Who was this guy? And what had he done with my brother?
Look...I've got other things to do on New Years' eve. And I was just thinkin' that the family could just hang out without me.
Hang out? (Frowns.) We're not just hangin' out! We're goin' to a supper-club. (Smiles.)
A supper-club? (Frowns.)
God - it was worse than I thought.
Oh, yeah! Dinner and a show...(smiles)...maybe a comedian or something. I reserved us a table right up front. (Gestures.) Will you give me a hand folding this before Bonnie gets here? (Frowns.)
OK, then. Maybe it was time to take a different tack.
Boy...That must be settin' you back a few bucks. You know, I hear those supper-clubs cost a bundle.
Hey, what's money if you don't have people to spend it on, huh?
And that's when it hit me. This wasn't love...this was insanity.
*
(Wayne never showed at the dinner club because Bonnie dumped him. Kevin has tracked him down at the laundromat.)
I wasn't quite sure what to expect. For some reason, I'd never actually hung out at a laundromat on New Year's eve. So I tried to prepare myself for the worst. An outraged maniac. A jilted slob.
(Kevin enters. Wayne is sitting on a washing machine next to a six-pack of beer, as he throws a sock.)
He shoots! Yah! (Laughs.)
Or, just a guy in a bad suit...tossing socks at a washing machine.
Wayne?
Hey, butthead! Fancy meeting you here. (Laughs.) Catch.
(Wayne throws a sock toward Kevin. He catches it.)
That a way...You missed it - I sank sixteen in a row! OK. Seventeen. (Smiles.) All the people that were here earlier doing laundry were...(gestures)...very impressed. You'd be surprised how many people save their laundry for the major holidays.
(Wayne looks off, then throws another sock into the dryer. He glances at Kevin and chuckles, then looks forward.)
Is it me, or...(gestures)... am I the only one talking here?
Ya know...we missed you at the dinner club. (Smiles.)
Oh, yeah? How'd it go?
They had a m-magician. (Smiles.)
Sounds like hell.
Yeah. (Smiles.) Listen, uh...I heard about what happened.
Yeah. (Nods.) Me, too. (Frowns.) These things happen, right? Ya know...you can't...make...someone fall in love with you. (Frowns.) Nah, no...you can't make 'em fall in love. (Gestures.) It's just gotta happen!
And I guess that's when it hit me. How hard this guy had tried. How hard he'd been trying his whole life. And suddenly it all made sense. Who he was. Not the family man he'd wanted to be...or the stupid older brother I'd fought with my whole life. But just another grown up kid...
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11/30/14 20:25