Episode 50 - "The Cost of Living"
OPENING SEQUENCE
Int. Sunday Night - Arnold Living Room
(Close shot of the TV. A small one-dollar bill is shown on the screen.)
NEWSCASTER: While all economic indicators suggest the U. S. economy is an ocean of prosperity, there still exist...islands of stagnation.
(The camera pans away from the TV.)
NEWSCASTER (V/O): Where growth...is at a virtual standstill.
(The camera stops on Jack sitting at the dining room table, opening bills.)
JACK: Forty bucks?
(Shot past Jack of Kevin sitting on the living room floor. Jack glances off and frowns.)
JACK: Unbelievable.
(Jack sets the bill down and enters the number on an adding machine on the table.)
Every Sunday night, once the dishes were cleared...
(Jack picks up another envelope.)
My father would referee a battle between his income, and his outgo.
(Close shot of Jack as he flips open a bill and looks at it.)
JACK: Sixteen-thirty-four for the damn phone company?!
And from the looks of it...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
The outgo packed some pretty fair punches.
(Close shot of Jack looking at the bill.)
JACK: Who the hell's been leaving the lights on?!
(Jack turns and frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
Spectators who knew the circuit laid low.
(Kevin moves away out of the shot.)
(Shot of Jack at the table looking at the bill.)
JACK: Highway robbery...
(He frowns and shakes his head, then punches the numbers in the adding machine.)
By the time the final blow had landed, that old income would be reduced to such a measly balance...
(Jack leans closer as the total is calculated.)
That in our house we had a word for that negligible chunk of change.
(Jack reaches for his wallet, pulls it out and slaps it down. He looks forward and sighs.)
JACK: Allowance!
(Shot of Kevin leaning back into the shot, and smiling at Jack off-screen.)
There's the word.
(Close shot of the wallet in Jack's hands. Sound effects as he opens it.)
"Allowance".
(Jack slides out a bill and holds it out.)
JACK (V/O): One...
(The camera pans up slowly.)
The lifeblood of adolescence.
JACK: Two..
(Close shot past Jack's hand of Wayne's hand. Wayne gestures with his finger.)
JACK (V/O): Three...
(Shot of Wayne looking toward his hand.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward their hands off-screen.)
The fine line between expectation...
(Kevin glances at Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: Four.
(Close shot of Wayne frowning.)
And reality.
WAYNE: Four bucks? Again?
(Close shot of Kevin as he glances at Wayne off-screen.)
Not to imply that we weren't grateful for Dad's largesse.
(Close shot of Jack frowning.)
We just...weren't.
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin.)
WAYNE: Come on, Dad, give me a break, here.
(Close shot of Wayne.)
WAYNE: I gotta live, ya know, eh - gas, girls...(Gestures.)
(Close shot of Jack rolling his eyes upward.)
But when it came to taking pity on our financial lifestyles...
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin.)
Dad was impervious.
(Close shot of Jack frowning.)
JACK: Ya know what the problem with you boys is?
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin. They glance at each other.)
KEVIN: Uh-oh.
(The camera moves in close on Jack. Sound of a snapping bull-whip.)
JACK: You don't understand the value of a dollar.
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin. They sigh and look off.)
(Some "Lost in the Desert" - type music plays.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: When I was you're age...(Nods.)
(Very close shot of Jack's mouth.)
JACK: I had to walk to school! Thirty miles! Blizzards!
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin. They glance at each other.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: Outdoor plumbing!
(Jack presses his lips together and nods slightly.)
Under a barrage of this magnitude...
(Shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin. Wayne is frowning as they look at Jack.)
Resistance was futile.
(Music stops.)
WAYNE: Four beans?
(Wayne turns to Kevin and gestures.)
WAYNE: I can't believe this.
(Wayne looks back to Jack, then at the money, and exits.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: Kev?
(Shot past Jack of Kevin, as Wayne exits through the hallway door in the background. Kevin turns toward Jack.)
Still, no sense looking a gift horse in the mouth.
(Close shot of Jack.)
Especially one the size of my father.
(Shot past Jack of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Here, Dad.
(Kevin smiles and holds out his hand.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
(Shot past Jack of Kevin as Jack puts a bill in his hand.)
JACK: One...
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Two...
(Shot of the wallet in Jack's hands. He lets it clam up, accompanied by the sound of a bank vault door squeaking. He turns it over, and flips it shut, accompanied by the sound of a slamming vault door.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing up from his hand toward Jack off-screen.)
No gettin' around it...
(Kevin smiles.)
KEVIN: Thanks, Dad!
(Close shot of Jack as he looks at Kevin off-screen and sighs.)
The buck stopped here.
(Jack raises his eye-brows, smiles and nods slightly, then turns away.)
I mean, hey...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen, and frowning.)
You can't squeeze sympathy from a stone.
(Kevin smirks and turns away.)
Cut to
Cafeteria
(Shot past Kevin as Doug sits down opposite him.)
DOUG: Twenty cents for a Nutty-Buddy? (Frowns.)
(Shot of Doug, Kevin, and Paul sitting next to him.)
Sympathy from those in my tax-bracket, however, was easy to come by.
(Shot past Kevin of Doug.)
DOUG: I'm barely getting by as it is!
(Shot past Doug of Kevin and Paul.)
PAUL: Unbelievable...
(Paul looks down and shakes his head slowly. Kevin looks away.)
By the fall of ninth-grade, poverty was making paupers of us all. Most of us, anyway.
(Paul looks off in the distance past the camera.)
PAUL: Whoa! Check out Kovinsky!
(Shot of Kovinsky standing next to a couple of girls, as he holds his jacket open.)
Mark Kovinsky. The Howard Hughes of RFK.
(Shot of Mark and the girls, as he lifts a seated girl's hand and kisses it.)
He had more money than General Motors.
(Close shot of Kevin looking past the camera.)
Naturally, we all admired him.
KEVIN: I hate him.
(Shot of Doug, Paul and Kevin.)
(Closer shot of the a standing girl touching his jacket sleeve.)
DOUG (V/O): That jacket must have cost a fortune.
(Shot of Doug, Paul and Kevin.)
PAUL: What I wouldn't give for that wardrobe. (Nods.)
(Kevin looks at Paul.)
KEVIN: On our allowances?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Forget it!
Facts were facts.
(Close shot of Paul shaking his head slightly.)
In macro-economic terms.
PAUL: Five bucks a week just doesn't go as far as it used to.
(He gestures and shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off, as Paul stands and exits behind him.)
Wait a minute.
(Kevin frowns, and looks after Paul off-screen.)
Did he say -?
Cut to
Hallway
(Kevin and Paul walk up the hallway. The camera rolls back with them.)
KEVIN: Five bucks a week?
PAUL: Pretty disgusting, huh?
KEVIN: Yeah - I'll say.
PAUL: Pretty soon...(gestures)...I'll have to dip into my savings account.
(Close shot of Kevin as they turn a corner.)
Paul was building an investment portfolio, while I was living on cold beans.
(Paul crosses the camera as he heads toward his locker.)
KEVIN: Five bucks a week...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen, as he pauses at his locker.)
PAUL: Why? (Frowns.) What are you getting? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he dials his combo.)
KEVIN: Well...it's in the five-dollar ballpark.
(Kevin nods and locks at his locker as he opens it.)
Uh-huh. If the ballpark was the size of Kansas.
(Shot of Paul at his open locker.)
PAUL: It's almost embarrassing!
(Paul turns quickly to Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Oh, but...don't tell anyone, OK?
(Paul shakes his head.)
PAUL: I don't want them to think my father's cheap.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
(He shakes his head.)
But, suddenly...
(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen, then smiling and nodding.)
One thing was clear...
(Shot of Kevin and Paul as Kevin slams his locker closed.)
Cut to
Evening - Kitchen
(Shot of the kitchen door as Jack enters carrying his briefcase.)
Dad and I had business to conduct.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen, frowning slightly.)
Right now.
(Shot of Jack as he slams his briefcase on the table.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen, frowning slightly.)
Or, maybe it can wait.
(Wide shot past the kitchen table as Norma hands Jack a drink.)
NORMA: Hi, honey. Why so late?
(Shot past Norma of Jack frowning.)
JACK: Ken Stein.
(Shot past Jack of Norma frowning.)
JACK (V/O): New fool in management.
(Shot past Norma of Jack frowning.)
JACK: He's bustin' my hump, Norma.
(Shot past Jack of Norma, as Jack sips his drink.)
NORMA: Aw, Jack...(Frowns.)
(Jack sighs and looks down.)
JACK: He's workin' me like a dog. (Frowns.)
(Jack looks at Norma.)
JACK: What does he think I am - his own personal lackey?!
(Jack frowns, and walks past the camera.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
But hold on!
(Kevin smiles as Jack passes him.)
Maybe this wasn't gonna be so hard.
(Shot from behind Kevin as he turns and looks at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Dad?
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack walking away.)
Maybe Dad and I were thinking along the same lines, here.
(Jack pauses and turns. He puts his arm out and leans against a cabinet, looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Maybe he'd be sympathetic to the plight of the down-trodden.
(Close shot of Kevin. He hesitates and glances off, then looks at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: It-it's about my allowance.
(Close shot of Jack.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: You know...I was thinking...
(Kevin glances over his shoulder toward Norma off-screen, then back to Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: I'm in ninth-grade, now...and, uh, well...
(Kevin hesitates and glances off.)
OK...Time for a clincher.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Something telling...something tactful.
(Close shot of Kevin. He sighs.)
KEVIN: Paul's father gives him five dollars a week.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Sound of penalty buzzer.)
(Close shot of Kevin turning to Norma off-screen.)
Uh-oh!
(Close shot of Norma frowning and looking at Kevin off-screen.)
I'd just broken the cardinal rule...
(Close shot of Kevin looking back toward Jack off-screen.)
Of child-parent negotiations.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Never compare them to their peers.
JACK: You want a raise in your allowance?
(Close shot of Kevin as he nods.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: Fine.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Huh? (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: But you're gonna have to do some more chores.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Chores?
KEVIN: Chores? I can do chores. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK: I work hard for my paycheck.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
JACK (V/O): You can work hard for yours.
(Close shot of Kevin as he smiles and looks at Norma off-screen.)
Hard work?
(Close shot of Norma shrugging and smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen and smiling.)
No problem!
(Kevin smiles and looks at Norma off-screen.)
(Music "Working In The Coal Mine" plays.)
Cut to
Ext. Day - Arnold Yard
(Close shot of hedge trimmers on the ground. The camera pans up to Kevin with his back to the camera, throwing weeds behind him.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he pulls a weed out.)
(Shot of Kevin standing next to a trash can, dumping dust from a heater filter. Dust goes everywhere.)
Nope - hard work never hurt anybody.
(Closer shot of Kevin turning his head away as he shakes the filter.)
(Shot of Kevin walking toward the camera, hidden by the trash can he is carrying.)
Hard work - good for the body.
(Shot of Kevin cutting some bushes with the clippers.)
Good for the soul.
(Shot of Kevin spraying the trash can with the hose.)
It's what this country was founded on.
(Closer shot of Kevin looking in the trash can.)
(Shot of Kevin up a ladder, reaching into a rain-gutter.)
(Shot from above of the rain-gutter as Kevin sticks his hand in the muddy leaves and frowns.)
(Close shot of a broom hitting a hanging rug, as dust flies.)
(Shot of Kevin beating the a rug with a broom.)
(Fade to shot of Kevin descending the ladder.)
But beyond all the blood, sweat, and back-breaking labor...
(Jack walks into the shot and looks toward the gutters.)
There was a sense of satisfaction...
JACK: Let's see...
(Jack turns toward Kevin and pulls out his wallet. Kevin holds out his hand.)
Accomplishment.
(Music ends.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at his wallet.)
JACK: One...
(Close shot of Kevin's dirty hand as Jack puts a bill in it. Jack puts another bill in his hand.)
JACK (V/O): Two...
(Shot of Jack putting his wallet in his pocket, glancing up.)
Impending wealth.
(Shot of Kevin and Jack, as Jack drops some coins in Kevin's hand.)
JACK: Three.
(Jack walks past Kevin and pats his shoulder.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
Chints.
(Kevin glances down, then looks up and frowns.)
KEVIN (V/O): I can't believe it!
Cut to
Hallway
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around and frowning.)
KEVIN: I practically rebuilt the whole house!
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Well, how much did he pay you?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: That's not the point! The point is...the guy's bustin' my hump! (Nods.) The point is that -
(Wide shot of Kevin and Paul, as Kovinsky approaches behind Kevin, smiling.)
KOVINSKY: You're working for your dad, huh?
(Kovinsky spreads his jacket, smiles and chuckles.)
(Closer shot of Kovinsky as he looks at his shoulder and brushes it off.)
Great - Diamond Jim Kovinsky himself.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Kovinsky - what do you know about it?
(Shot of Kevin and Kovinsky looking at Paul off-screen.)
KOVINSKY: Hey...
(Kovinsky turns toward Kevin and gestures.)
KOVINSKY: I started out the same way you did...
(Shot past Kovinsky of Kevin.)
KOVINSKY: Buckin' for allowance, workin' for peanuts...
(Close shot of Kovinsky looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KOVINKSY: And then one day, I woke up.
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns.)
KEVIN: Huh?
(Close shot of Kovinsky. He looks over his shoulder, and back, smiling.)
KOVINSKY: What's your dad do?
(Shot past Kovinsky of Kevin.)
KEVIN: None of your business. (Frowns.)
(Kevin glances at Paul off-screen, then back.)
(Close shot of Kovinsky.)
KOVINSKY: A workin' man...(Nods)...Mine too.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Yeah. So? (Shrugs.)
(Wide shot of all three as Kovinsky gestures expansively.)
KOVINSKY: So...(Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kovinsky looking toward Kevin off-screen.)
KOVINSKY: Who says you have to be like your dad?
(Shot past Kovinsky of Kevin. He looks toward Paul off-screen and frowns.)
Adolescence is filled with great moments of revelation.
(Close shot of Paul frowning.)
(Wide shot of all three.)
This...was one of them.
(Close shot as Kovinsky snaps a $20-bill open in front of Kevin.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the bill.)
KEVIN: Where'd you get that?
(Shot of Kevin and Kovinsky.)
KOVINSKY: On the eighteenth green at the Whispering Grass golf course. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Paul frowning.)
PAUL: You made twenty bucks caddying?
(Shot of Kevin and Kovinsky.)
KOVINSKY: Cash tip. Not bad for four hours in the fresh air.
(Kovinsky smiles as he folds the bill up.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)
KOVINSKY: You've got two choices, Arnold. Be like your dad...or be your own man.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Kovinsky off-screen. Kovinsky crosses the shot.)
(Shot of Kevin and Kovinsky. They look at each other as Kovinsky passes him.)
KOVINSKY: Seeya.
(Kovinsky passes the camera. Kevin looks after him.)
I had only one question.
Cut to
Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen Table
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Dad? Can I be a caddy?
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Huh?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, see...there's this guy at school...
(Close shot of Jack frowning at Kevin off-screen, and holding his drink.)
KEVIN (V/O): Who -
JACK: What do you know about golf?
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
Seemed to me, he was missing the point, here.
KEVIN: Well, uh...(gestures)...maybe I-I could learn.
(Shot across the table of Kevin and Wayne. Wayne smiles as Kevin looks at Jack off-screen.)
WAYNE: Caddy? (Laughs.)
(Wayne looks at Kevin and frowns.)
WAYNE: A wuss like you?
KEVIN: Shut up, Wayne.
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Honey? Don't caddies have to carry around all those heavy bags? (Shrugs.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around.)
Seemed like everyone was missing the point.
(He looks at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Look, Mark Kovinsky makes twenty bucks a round, OK?!
(Kevin nods emphatically.)
There - 'nuff said!
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
The old bottom-line.
(Close shot of Jack frowning.)
Try sayin' no to that!
JACK: I don't think so...
(Close shot of Kevin looking down as the phone rings.)
What?!
(Close shot of Norma as she stands and answers the phone.)
NORMA (on the phone): Hello?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
I couldn't believe it!
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Norma holds the phone toward Jack.)
NORMA: Jack? It's Ken.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen. He frowns and sighs.)
Here I'd laid out a plan for total lifetime solvency...
(Close shot of Jack frowning at Kevin off-screen, then turning toward Norma off-screen.)
And he turns me down?
JACK (on the phone): Yeah, Ken?
(Jack looks down and rubs his forehead.)
JACK (on the phone): No, no, don't worry about it - that's what I'm here for.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)
JACK (on the phone)(V/O): Whatever you say, Ken...
(Close shot of Jack.)
JACK (on the phone): Yeah, yeah. Bye.
(Jack hands the phone to Norma.)
(Close shot of Norma hanging up the phone.)
(Close shot of Jack as he frowns and throws down his napkin.)
JACK: Damn!
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen.)
And that's when it hit me - Kovinsky was right.
(Close shot of Jack frowning.)
I had two choices. Be like my dad...
(Norma puts her hand on his back and pats him.)
Or...
Cut to
Ext. Day - Golf Course
(Shot of a few golfers holding their golf bags. A fairway is in the background.)
Be my own man.
(Kevin walks into the shot. The camera pans with him as he walks toward the caddy boss' window, and puts his hands on the counter.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the caddy boss off-screen.)
KEVIN: Where do I sign up?
(The hand of the caddy boss sets a form on the counter and hands Kevin a pencil. Kevin looks up and smiles.)
A free-agent. A man of wealth. A caddy.
(Kevin starts to fill out the form.)
Fade to
Int. Day - Kitchen
(Shot of Norma doing dishes, and Jack talking on the phone. The camera pans slightly and moves in slightly on Jack.)
Behold - the working man.
JACK (on the phone): Whatever you say, Ken.
(Shot of Kevin sitting at the dining room table, tying his shoes, looking at Jack off-screen.)
Behold - the future millionaire.
(Shot of Jack.)
JACK (on the phone) (V/O): Saturday...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack.)
JACK (on the phone): You sure we need to work on...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack sighs, and gestures slightly.)
JACK: OK, fine.
(Shot of Kevin tying his shoes, looking at Jack off-screen.)
JACK (on the phone) (V/O): Where?
By the next weekend, this much was obvious.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack flips his toolbox closed.)
My Dad and I were headed in opposite directions.
JACK (on the phone): Fine! Yeah. Bye.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack hangs up the phone.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Wish me luck, Dad?
(Kevin stands up and smiles.)
Not that I didn't want his blessings.
(Shot of Jack walking forward as Norma passes him. He pauses and looks at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: Don't fall in the lake.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
But, if that's the way he wanted it...
(Close shot of Jack. He raises his eye-brows, nods once, and walks out of the shot. Norma smiles in the background.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
I could handle it. I was my own man, now.
Fade to
Ext. Day - Golf Course
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around.)
A man among...
(Wide shot of Kevin in a group of caddies.)
Many more-experienced men.
CADDY BOSS (V/O): Tanner!
(Shot from behind the group of the caddy boss at his counter.)
CADDY BOSS: Meet your golfer at the first tee.
(Tanner stands up. Two guys pat him on the back as he trots off.)
GUY: Go get 'em...
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Still, I wasn't worried.
(Kevin glances around and smiles.)
I was a dedicated professional.
(Close shot of the caddy boss holding a golf bag, looking topward the group off-screen.)
CADDY BOSS: Culver! You're up!
(Close shot of Kevin smilng.)
A highly trained specialist.
(Close shot of the caddy boss at his counter.)
CADDY BOSS: Holman!
(Wide shot of the group as a guy stands up.)
(Fade to Kevin and one other guy.)
CADDY BOSS (V/O): Norklen! Fowler!
(Norklen walks off, leaving only Kevin.)
An obvious unemployable.
(Kevin looks around.)
(Fade to shot close shot of Kevin repeatedly pressing the button on a vending machine, then shaking the machine.)
It was beginning to look like I was gonna lose money on the day.
KOVINSKY (V/O): Arnold!
(Kevin turns, and Kovinsky approaches and leans against the machine.)
KOVINSKY: What are you doing here?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the machine.)
KEVIN: Oh! I, uh...
KOVINSKY (V/O): I get it.
(Close shot of Kovinsky smiling.)
KOVINSKY: You're waiting for the big one, aren't ya?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the machine, then up.)
(Close shot of Kovinsky.)
KOVINSKY: Remember that twenty-dollar tip I told ya about?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Kovinsky off-screen.)
KOVINSKY (V/O): Well...
(Close shot of Kovinsky smiling. He turns and points.)
KOVINSKY: That's the bag. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he turns and looks at the bag off-screen.)
(Shot of the bag. The camera moves in on it. Sound of a singing chorus, and five notes of "We're in the Money" plays as a glint of light beams off five clubs.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the bag off-screen.)
And suddenly, I knew. That bag was destined for just one pair of shoulders.
(Music ends.)
(Shot of the caddy boss holding the bag.)
CADDY BOSS: Arnold!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the bag off-screen.)
Mine.
(Kevin slowly walks past the camera.)
Cut to
(Wide shot of Kevin carrying the bag over his shoulder, walking across the walkway toward the camera.)
Yep, my fortune was made.
(Some golfers carrying bags walk across the shot.)
(The camera rolls back past a man looking at Kevin.)
Thanks to patience, tenacity, and of course...
(The man holds out his hand.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ken smiling, with his hand out.)
KEN: Ken Stein. (Smiles.)
(Closer shot of Kevin looking at Ken's hand, then up to Ken off-screen.)
(Close shot of Ken.)
KEN: Looks like we're together for eighteen.
(Shot of both as Kevin smiles and they shake hands.)
KEVIN: Kevin.
KEN: Got a firm grip there, Kevin!
(Close shot of Ken.)
KEN: I like a man with a firm grip! (Smiles.)
(Shot past Ken as they shake hands. Kevin glances down, smiling.)
Let's see...Firm grip?
(Kevin looks up at Ken and smiles.)
That'd probably be worth at least three-seventy-five right there!
(Close shot of Ken smiling as they continue to shake hands.)
(Close shot past Ken of Kevin smiling.)
KEVIN: Thank, Mr. Stein. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Ken.)
KEN: Call me Ken! (Smiles.)
(Close shot past Ken of Kevin smiling, as Ken turns and walks past the camera. Kevin follows.)
"Ken". It was a good name...
(Wider shot of Ken as he turns a corner around a hedge.)
A golfer's name.
(Ken walks past the camera as Kevin follows him.)
The name...
(Kevin looks up and pauses.)
(Shot from behind Ken as he turns over his shoulder. Jack is swinging a club with his back to the camera in the background.)
KEN: Son?
(Closer shot of Jack looking over his shoulder toward Kevin off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): We're gonna have a little working session.
(Jack turns back.)
KEN (V/O): You don't mind a little shop-talk, do you?
(Close shot of Kevin. The camera moves in slightly as Kevin frowns and looks from Jack to Ken off-screen.)
Of my father's boss.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Ken looking at Jack, who is swinging in the background.)
KEN: Jack - come over here and meet young Kevin!
(Ken looks toward Kevin.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
(Shot of Jack as he turns around and approaches. He frowns slightly as he holds out his hand.)
JACK: Kevin...
(Close shot of Kevin lookng at Jack's hand.)
It was a critical juncture.
(Kevin glances around, looks at Jack off-screen, and smiles.)
KEVIN: Jack...
(Shot past Kevin of Jack, as Jack glares at him.)
But we handled it well.
(Wide shot of all as they shake hands.)
Like total strangers.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot past Kevin of Jack as he turns away.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
Live, and let live.
(Close shot past Kevin as Jack pauses, and frowns at Kevin.)
JACK: Isn't he a little small...
(Jack looks at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: To be a caddy?
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
Make that - every man for himself.
(Kevin frowns at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Hey!
(Kevin picks up the golf bag.)
KEVIN: I carry my weight.
(Shot of Ken smiling and looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEN: That's the spirit I like to see...
(Close shot past Kevin of Jack looking at Ken off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): Arnold? You want to do the honors?
(Jack glares at Kevin and turns away.)
(Wide shot of all three as Jack looks at Kevin, then walks toward the tee.)
So, the prelims were over. We were on our way.
(Shot of Kevin and Ken watching Jack off-screen. Kevin pulls out a club.)
Me, headin' for easy street...
(Shot from behind Jack as he gets ready to drive.)
My Dad...
(Jack swings.)
(Shot of the ball flying across the blue sky, with a "whish" sound.)
(Close shot of a tree trunk as the ball bounces of it. "Boop".)
(Shot of some weeds as the ball rolls into them.)
(Shot of Kevin and Ken. Kevin looks at Ken, as Ken looks down, shakes his head, and puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder.)
Heading for the rough.
(Shot from behind Kevin and Ken as Jack bangs the ground with his club.)
(Jack picks up his tee as Ken approaches him.)
KEN: Tough way to start, Arnold. You wouldn't mind if I kept score, would you? (Gestures.)
(Close shot past Ken of Jack. He looks at Ken, then Kevin off-screen, and back to Ken.)
JACK: Whatever you say, Ken.
(Jack looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen, then Ken off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): Let's play golf!
(Shot from behind Jack standing in the rough. Kevin and Ken watch in the background.)
(Jack swings, then bangs his club on the ground.)
Over the first few holes...
(Ken looks down, and takes a few steps.)
It became apparent this wasn't my father's day.
(Shot of Kevin and Ken as Ken addresses the ball.)
I, on the other hand, was basking in the sunlight of future riches.
(Close shot of Ken as he swings.)
(Shot of Ken's legs as he hits the ball. The camera pans up as the ball lands on the green near the hole.)
(Shot of Kevin and Ken.)
KEVIN: Nice shot, sir!
(Close shot of Ken smiling, and turning to Kevin off-screen.)
KEN: Ken...
(He hands Kevin the club.)
(Close shot of Kevin taking the club, and putting it in the bag.)
KEN (V/O): Call me Ken.
(Kevin looks up and smiles.)
KEVIN: Ken.
(Shot of Kevin standing on the green, holding the pin.)
Yep! Twenty bucks a loop, four loops a week...
(Shot of Ken putting.)
(Shot of Kevin standing on the green, holding the pin, as the ball approaches.)
Carry the four...easy money.
(Kevin pulls the pin out, as the ball rolls past the hole.)
(Shot of Ken as he drops his club in frustration.)
KEN: Dag nab it!
(Close shot of Kevin holding the pin, looking at Ken off-screen.)
For a guy who knew how to smooth out the rough spots.
(Kevin glances off, then turns toward Ken off-screen and shakes his head.)
KEVIN: You know, they don't clip these greens very well.
(Close shot of Ken leaning on his club, looking at Kevin off-screen. He nods and points.)
KEN: You're darn right.
(Ken walks forward.)
(Wider shot of Kevin holding the pin, as Ken walks past the camera.)
Face it. When it came to dealing with management problems, I had a certain...flair.
(Ken pauses next to Kevin and addresses the ball.)
(Wider shot as Ken swings and makes the putt.)
KEN: Ah, nice...
(Ken squats down and picks up the ball.)
(Close shot of Kevin, as Ken walks across the shot.)
KEVIN: I believe that puts us two ahead, Ken. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Ken.)
KEN: You know, I got my start as a caddy.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Really? (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Ken as he nods and smiles, then looks down.)
Yep. I felt kind of a kinship to this guy.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)
He reminded me of...me - a real winner.
(Shot of the water as a ball lands in it.)
(Shot from behind Jack, with the water in front of him. Jack turns as he looks up and frowns.)
JACK: Damn!
(Jack bangs his club on the ground.)
In contrast to my previous role model.
(Jack frowns as he reaches down, jerks his bag up, and looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen, then looking off and frowning.)
Fade to
The Fairway
(Ken leads Kevin and Jack, walking toward the camera. Ken is looking at the scorecard.)
In fact, by the time we reached the half-way point...
(Ken taps the scorecard on his palm and glances skyward.)
I was almost feeling sorry for the old man.
KEN: I figure you about seven strokes off the pace, Arnold.
(Ken glances over his shoulder.)
KEN: Tell ya what - maybe I oughta play left-handed a few holes?
(He swings his left arm.)
JACK: Whatever you say, Ken.
(Ken chuckles, and turns, holding up his hands.)
KEN: Ah, tell ya what...what say I buy us all some sodas, huh?
JACK: I'm alright.
(Shot past Jack, of Ken and Kevin.)
KEN: You?
(Kevin glances from Ken to Jack.)
KEVIN: Sure!
KEN: That's the spirit.
(Ken slaps Kevin on the shoulder. He glances at Jack, then Kevin, and walks off.)
A-ha...
(Shot of a wooden bench as Jack and Kevin drop their bags.)
Spirit, I had.
(Jack and Kevin sit down. Jack looks down, and Kevin looks off.)
Plus a shoulder that was killing me.
(Kevin looks at his shoulder and rotates it. Jack looks at him.)
JACK: How ya holding up?
(Shot from Kevin's side of Jack looking at him.)
KEVIN: What?
JACK: It's a big bag - must be heavy.
(Kevin turns to his bag.)
(Close shot of Kevin turning forward.)
KEVIN: Well-well...
JACK (V/O): You don't have to kill yourself, ya know...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
JACK: He can finish with another caddy.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
Another caddy?!
(Close shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)
So that was his game.
(Jack turns forward and looks down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off, then at Jack off-screen and nodding.)
KEVIN: Hey, you don't have to worry about me, alright?!
(Shot from Kevin's side of Jack. Jack looks at him, raises his eye-brows, throws up his hands, and looks down.)
JACK: Suit yourself...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
And I would. I didn't need his help!
(Shot of Jack and Kevin, as Ken approaches in the background, holding two cups.)
KEN: Here we go...
I had...upper-management.
(Ken hands a cup to Kevin.)
KEN: Say, Jack...I've been thinking...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Ken off-screen.)
And then...
(Kevin glances at Jack, then Ken off-screen.)
Upper-management made one little mistake.
(Close shot of Ken gesturing.)
KEN: Maybe it's your clubs.
(Close shot of Kevin looking away, then at Jack off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): They're too old...
(Close shot of Jack glancing toward Kevin off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): Cheap, ya know?
(Jack growls and looks at Ken off-screen.)
KEN (V/O): Maybe if you put a little money in your bag...
(Close shot of Ken gesturing.)
KEN: You might...give us more of a match, huh? (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Ken off-screen.)
And suddenly, all bets were off.
(Kevin looks off, then at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Ken off-screen.)
JACK: Well...
(Jack sighs and stands up. He swings his bag onto his shoulder.)
JACK: Let's just see what these old clubs can do.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack as he walks past him.)
(Drum roll.)
(Shot from behind Jack as he swings.)
(Close shot of Jack looking off and following through. Blast of "fanfare" music.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the ball off-screen.)
Ouch!
(Shot from behind Jack as he swings, with "fanfare" music.)
Momma!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the ball off-screen.)
(Jack drives two more times in quick succession, with "fanfare" music.)
(Wider shot in slow-motion as Jack drive again, with "fanfare" music.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the ball off-screen.)
Goodbye!
(Close shot of Ken looking at the ball off-screen.)
(Music fades.)
KEN: Not bad there, Arnold!
(Shot past Kevin of Jack walking toward them, smiling. Ken moves in front of Kevin and pulls out a driver.)
Not bad? Not bad?!
(Shot of Ken walking forward as Jack passes him. Kevin is in the background.)
Those old clubs had banged out some of the most beautiful shots in the annals of golf.
(Ken bends over and tees his ball. Jack slides his club into his bag.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as Ken looks at him, then addresses the ball.)
(Wides shot of Ken, and Kevin and Jack side-by-side, watching in the background.)
(Ken swings awkwardly, slicing the drive.)
(Shot of the edge of the fairway and some trees, as the ball bounces and caroms off a tree trunk.)
(Close shot of Ken looking at the ball off-screen, frowning.)
(Close shot of Jack looking down.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing around.)
And as Dad's game turned into gold...
(Shot from behind Kevin as Ken approaches. Jack walks off, whistling.)
Mr. Stein turned into...
(Ken forcefully slides his club into the bag.)
Mr. Hyde.
(He puts his hands on his hips and looks down.)
KEN: Hell!
(Shot past Ken of Kevin frowning, then looking at Ken.)
KEVIN: Ah...(shrugs)...it-it was a-a difficult shot.
(Shot from behind Kevin as Ken looks at him.)
KEN: Look - when I want your advice...
(Ken gestures with both hands.)
KEN: I'll ask for it. Just...keep the clubs clean...(gestures)...will ya?
(Ken turns away.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)
KEVIN: OK...
(Kevin picks up the bag.)
(Shot from behind Kevin. Ken is about 50 feet ahead of him, as Kevin follows.)
The funny thing is...the smaller my tip began to look, the heavier that bag got.
(Kevin starts to trot after Ken.)
(Fade to shot of the sun and trees. Sound of buzzards. Some "Lost in the Desert" - type music plays throughout.)
(Fade to long shot of Ken, and Kevin far behind him, walking on the fairway toward the camera.)
By the eighteenth fairway, I'd learned something interesting. The Whispering Grass back nine measures exactly four-thousand miles...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Ken turns. Jack is in the background, walking.)
Tee to green.
(Ken whips his hat off and frowns.)
KEN: Caddy!
(Ken lifts both hands and shakes them.)
KEN: Let's hustle it up, huh?! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin approaching, staggering and wiping his forehead.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Ken looking at him. Jack is in the background, walking. Ken puts his hat back on, and continues walking.)
(Fade to shot of the lip of a sand-trap, as Kevin appears over the edge.)
But I wasn't giving up. I was gonna make that easy money or die trying.
(Kevin pauses at the top of the trap. Final blast of music.)
(Shot of Ken standing on the sand and Jack squatting down, both looking at the ball in the sand-trap. Ken turns and looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Whichever came first.
(Close shot past Ken as Jack stands up.)
JACK: Tough lie, Ken.
(Jack glances at Kevin off-screen, and moves away.)
(Close shot of Kevin pulling a club from the bag as he approaches Ken.)
Still, there was no reason to panic. It was the last hole.
(Ken takes the club. The camera pans over to him.)
And Dad was three strokes behind.
(Wide shot of Jack as he marks his spot and picks up his ball.)
(Wide shot past the pin of Ken and Kevin in the sand-trap. Kevin sets the bag down as Ken addresses the ball.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as Ken swings.)
(Close shot of the ball as Ken muffs the shot.)
(Shot past Ken of Kevin looking at him. Ken looks up at him.)
Make that - two.
(Shot from behind Kevin as Ken swings.)
(Close shot of the ball as Ken muffs the shot again.)
(Shot past Ken of Kevin looking at the ball, then glancing at Ken.)
Make that one.
(Wider shot of Kevin and Ken, as Ken looks at Kevin, then addresses the ball.)
(Close shot of Ken as he swings. A little light music plays.)
And then...
(Shot of the ball bouncing and heading for the hole.)
(Close shot of Ken smiling.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling and loking at the ball off-screen, then at Ken off-screen.)
It happened.
(Close shot of the hole as the ball curves around the lip of the cup, and away.)
(Close shot of Ken frowning.)
KEN: Damn it all!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Ken off-screen and frowning.)
(Slow-motion shot of Ken as he throws his club up. Some low music plays.)
(Slow-motion shot of the club flying through the air.)
(Slow-motion close shot of Kevin looking up and turning as the club sails past him.)
(Close shot of Jack looking toward the club.)
(Slow-motion shot of the club descending through the air.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder, frowning.)
(Slow-motion shot of the lake as the club splashes into it.)
(Music ends.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the club off-screen.)
(Slow-motion shot of ripples on the lake water.)
But it was more than just a fifty-one-dollar, copper-faced...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the lake off-screen.)
Billy Casper All-Pro sand-wedge that disappeared into that lake.
(Slow-motion shot of ripples on the lake water.)
(Close shot of Ken with his hands on his hips, frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
KEN: Get it!
(Close shot from behind Kevin as he turns around.)
It was my dignity.
(Kevin glances down, then toward Ken off-screen.)
KEVIN: Pardon? (Shrugs.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ken standing with his hand on his hips.)
KEN: You heard me!
(Ken glances off, then back to Kevin.)
KEN: Bring...it...to me.
(Close shot of Kevin glancing down, then at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack. He looks at Kevin, then turns his back.)
(Shot past Ken of Kevin glancing at Ken, then away.)
And suddenly, I felt very alone.
(Shot past Kevin of Ken.)
KEN: Well, son?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Ken off-screen, then glancing away.)
It was up to me. I didn't have to go fetch.
(Kevin opens his mouth to speak.)
I coulda told this guy what I thought of him...right there, right then.
KEVIN: I...
(Close shot of Ken looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off.)
But for some reason...at that moment...
(Kevin looks at Ken off-screen.)
I heard myself utter four words I'd heard somewhere before.
KEVIN: Whatever you say, Ken.
(Shot of Jack. He turns slightly.)
(Close shot of Ken looking at Kevin off-screen, then pursing his lips and walking away.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
(Close shot of the edge of the lake as Kevin drops the bag. The camera pans up from his legs as he tentatively wades into the lake.)
And so...after eighteen holes spent counting future riches...it all came down to this.
(Wide shot from the lake as Kevin hunts for the club. In the background, Jack is getting ready to putt as Ken rests on his club.)
KEN: You sink this one, and you beat me, Arnold.
(Close shot of Kevin pulling the club out of the lake.)
Here I was, up to my knees in mud...while my work-a-day Dad...
(Kevin looks toward Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack looking down, then glancing at Kevin off-screen, then down again.)
Was about to carry off the prize.
(Jack looks down again.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack and Ken as Jack practice swings.)
(Close shot of Kevin holding the club, looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack looking down, then glancing at Kevin off-screen.)
It was the easiest putt...
(Jack looks down again.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack and Ken as Jack swings.)
He'd had all day.
(The ball rolls past the cup, and Ken shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
And he missed it by a good three feet.
(Jack looks at Kevin off-screen, and walks toward his ball.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
But that wasn't all.
(Close shot of Jack as he looks at Kevin, and walks to his ball.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack walks past Ken and addresses the ball.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Ken off-screen, then Kevin off-screen. He looks back to Ken and smiles, then looks down, and swings.)
(Close shot of the ball rolling past the cup.)
(Close shot of Ken as he sighs and shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Jack smiling and walking forward, shaking his head.)
He missed the next one, too.
(Shot of Kevin holding the club, looking at Jack off-screen and frowning.)
(Shot from the lake of Kevin in the water, as Jack pulls his ball from the hole, and Ken replaces the pin.)
KEN: It's been a long, long day...
(Jack and Ken shake hands and walks toward their bags.)
JACK: Sure.
(Shot of Kevin holding the club, looking at Jack off-screen.)
And somehow, all of a sudden...
(Kevin looks down, then back to Jack off-screen.)
I understood why.
Fade to
Outside the Clubhouse
(Close shot of Kevin sitting on a bench, looking at a $20-bill.)
JACK (V/O): Ready?
(Kevin looks up.)
(Shot of Kevin and Jack with his clubs over his shoulder.)
KEVIN: Uh...yeah, ready...
(Jack nods directionally, and starts to walk toward the camera. Kevin stands up and walks next to him. The camera rolls back with them.)
That day...I began to realize something about this man I was trying so hard not to be like.
(They look at each other, then Kevin looks forward.)
JACK: How ya holdin' up?
KEVIN: Well, I'm a little tired.
JACK: Umm-hmmm...
He understood the value of money.
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
And the cost of it.
(Kevin looks toward Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Hey - it's too bad about that putt.
(Close shot of Jack looking forward.)
JACK: A putt's a putt.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Coulda made it, Dad! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Jack as he shrugs slightly.)
JACK: Maybe.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Jack off-screen, then looking off.)
I guess Dad knew he could lose a game, and still not lose his manhood.
(Close shot of Jack looking forward as they walk.)
His pride didn't hinge on a stupid shot.
(Jack glances at Kevin off-screen.)
Or some shiny new clubs.
(Jack looks forward again.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward a restaurant as they pass the menu board. Kevin looks down.)
And I suddenly knew exactly what I wanted to use my money for.
(Kevin looks toward the restaurant and pauses. Jack walks past him.)
KEVIN: Dad!
(Kevin turns to Jack off-screen.)
(Shot past Jack of Kevin standing next to the menu board, holding his money. Jack turns around.)
(Close shot of Jack as looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin. He hesitates, then looks down at his money, then toward Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Can I buy you lunch? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Jack smiling slightly.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack. He frowns, tilts his head, then nods once.)
JACK: Whatever you say, Kev. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)
(Close shot of Jack smiling.)
(Shot from behind Jack as they walk toward the entrance. Jack puts his arm around Kevin.)
Fade to
(Shot of Kevin and Jack sitting at a table, talking, nearly in silhouette. The golf course is in the background.)
(The waiter approaches Jack with the bill. Jack points and pushes the bill toward Kevin.)
(The waiter moves off as Jack gestures and says something to him.)
(The camera pulls back very slowly.)
It was the first time I ever really said thank you to the man...
(Jack leans forward and says something.)
For all he'd given me.
(He leans back. They continue to talk. Jack gestures, then demonstrates a grip on a club.)
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Doug Porter - Brandon Crane
Mark Kovinsky - Justin Whalin
Ken Stein - Alan Fudge
Caddy Boss - Cal Gibson
Music
"Workin' In A Coal Mine" - Lee Dorsey
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Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
07/01/03 19:45