Episode 71 - "Day One"

Int. Day - School Hallway

(Wide backlit shot of Kevin walking up the empty hallway, glancing at his class schedule.)

I remember it as clearly as if it were last night. It was the first day of school - I was late.

(Kevin approaches a door marked "234".)

I found the class and went in.

(Kevin checks his schedule, and opens the door.)

(Cut to a wider shot of Kevin standing in the open doorway, looking at another empty hallway.)

(Shot of the empty hallway from Kevin's perspective. A little dramatic music plays.)

(Kevin walks toward the camera quickly, then the camera rolls back with him. Kevin starts to trot.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the empty hallway.)

I began to panic. Maybe I'd come on the wrong day...maybe I'd come to the wrong place!

(Wide angle shot as Kevin runs up to the camera.)

(Wide backlight shot of Kevin sliding to a door and yanking it open.)

Every time I would open the door, there was another hallway.

(Wide shot of Kevin entering yet another empty hallway.)

(Kevin runs toward the camera.)

I couldn't find the teachers - I couldn't find the students. And that's when it hit me.

(Backlit shot of Kevin running away from the camera, toward a door to the outside.)

This was high school. And I...was completely and utterly...

(Fade to white.)



("Eight Miles High" - The Byrds plays through this and the next scene. Clips of the Saturn rocket blasting off the pad, a golf swing on the moon, capsule splashdown. A woman plants a small flag with others. Ron Kovic in his wheelchair.)


(Clip of guards, and smoke coming out of a prison building.)

It was a crazy time.

(Clip of Richard Nixon escorting Julie Nixon at her wedding. Clip of Henry Kissinger smiling as he approaches a gate, then having trouble opening it.)

People were on the move...looking for answers...breaking new ground. Seemed like everyone was searching for a new identity.

(Clip of a "Woman Power" march, and people waving flags in a crowd.)

Fade to
Ext. Day - Bus Area

(Close shot of Kevin, with busses and students in the background. The camera pans with him as he walks with students toward the steps.)

Me, I was breakin' some ground of my own. That September I entered William McKinley senior high. I was looking forward to a new adventure. My only hope was they'd have something besides Jell-O for lunch.

Cut to

(Close shot of Kevin walking and smiling.)

Everything was different.

(Shot of girls in mini-skirts.)

Mini's had become micro's.

(Shot of approaching students. One plays a guitar.)

"Hippies" had turned into "heads".

(A black student gives Kevin the black power salute.)

And some of us were on the road to political awareness.

(Shot of Kevin returning the salute, embarrassed.)


(Music fades. Shot from next to the lockers as a girl walks away. Kevin rounds the corner, looking at his locker slip as the bell rings.)

But those weren't the only changes. My best friend Paul Pfeiffer was off to prep school. Which left me...

(Kevin finds the locker and starts to dial the combo. He pauses and looks toward the camera.)

(Shot of a girl, opening her locker several feet away. She looks toward Kevin and smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

Completely on my own.

(Shot of the girl. Bluesy sax music plays, as she shakes her hair back. She smiles faintly.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling, then looking at his locker, then back to the girl.)

Yeah! This wasn't gonna be bad at all...

(Shot of the girl.)

STUART (V/O): Kevin Arnold?!

(Stuart cuts into the shot, directly in Kevin's line of sight.)

STUART: Stuart Carpazian.

(Close shot of Kevin looking on blankly.)

STUART: Remember me? We both had Miss Serita for fourth grade.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

KEVIN: Oh, hi, Stuart.

(Kevin looks past Stuart to the off-screen girl.)

STUART: Wow, it's good to see ya! You're probably wondering what happened to me.

(Close shot of the girl.)

STUART (V/O): See, my dad got a job in Tucson when I was in fifth grade...so we moved.

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: But, I'm back now! Jujubee?

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: No, thanks.

STUART: So, how's your mom? Hey, remember when she chaperoned our field-trip to the zoo...and the elephants are doing it?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

Jeez, was this kid blind?

(Close shot of the girl looking at Kevin as she closes her locker.)

Couldn't he see what was happening here?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

STUART (V/O): Remember that time you came down with the Hong Kong flu?

(Close shot of the girl smiling and approaching.)

Here she came.

STUART (V/O): It was right after lunch.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

(Close shot of the girl.)

STUART (V/O): Fishsticks and peas, and ya threw up all over your desk.

(Shot of Kevin frowning.)

(Close shot of the girl frowning, and walking past Kevin.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking after her off-screen, then turning to Stuart.)

(Sax music squeaks down.)

KEVIN: Stuart!

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: Well, I gotta go to class now. It's been nice talking to you. (Gestures.) Seeya later!

(Stuart walks past Kevin.)

(Wider shot of Kevin. He looks after Stuart and slams his locker shut. He walks away from the camera.)

Oh, well, one thing about a big public high school...

Cut to
Class Room

(Shot of Kevin seated at a desk. A few others are sitting and standing behind him.)

(Stuart approaches up the aisle behind Kevin.)

With any luck, Stuart Carpazian would be lost in the system.

(Stuart sits next to Kevin. They look at each other.)

(Shot past Kevin of Stuart.)

STUART: Hey, would you look at this? Talk about luck.

(Shot past Stuart of Kevin looking at him slightly surprised.)

STUART: Hey, you know what I was thinking about?

(Shot of Stuart.)

STURAT: That time we were playing basketball, you ran into the pole and knocked a hole in your head.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Stuart, class is gonna start, OK? We'll talk later.

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: Oh, sure, sure.

(Wider shot of Kevin frowning, as the bell rings.)

Not to be obnoxious or anything, but this was no time to be reliving old memories.

(Wider shot of the class.)

This...was high school.

(Shot past a girl of Mr. Bottner seated at his desk. He places a Thermos and grapefruit on his desk. He adjusts the grapefruit.)

The big leagues.

(Shot of the class waiting patiently.)

Education in the fast lane.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner standing, and carefully adjusting his chair. He straightens his coat.)

Once we got rolling.

(Mr. Bottner steps nearer the class, adjusting his belt.)

MR. BOTTNER: Buenos dias. My name is Mr. Bottner. This...is U.S. Government.

OK, finally!

(Closer shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: So! (Gestures.) Here are the rules...

(Shot of Kevin writing in his notebook.)

Roman numeral "I" - Rules.

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner. He holds up a finger.)

MR. BOTTNER: Numero uno. Bottner's Law. At eight-twenty-five the doors are locked - no one gets in...

(Shot of Kevin frowning, and glancing toward Stuart off-screen.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): No one gets out. Numero dos.

(Wider shot of Mr. Bottner. He spreads his hands out.)

MR. BOTTNER: Due to an inner ear injury sustained at the...Pusan...beach-head...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Bottner off-screen.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): We shall all refrain from making any sudden...noises in the two-thousand kilocycle range. That means...

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Do not...

(He holds up one finger.)

MR. BOTTNER: I repeat, do not...rip the paper from spiral notebooks.

(Shot of the class.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner. He smiles.)

MR. BOTTNER: Comprende?

(Shot of Kevin looking off.)



(Shot of Mr. Bottner. He picks up a thin stack of paper, and walks in front of the desk.)

MR. BOTTNER: Can anyone tell me the name of this country's "living document"?

(Shot of the class.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): Anyone?...no one?

(Mr. Bottner walks across the shot.)

MR. BOTTNER: "Grubner"!

(Close shot of Harold Grutner. He frowns.)

GRUTNER: Um...ah...

(Shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Good job.

(Mr. Bottner looks at the list of students.)

MR. BOTTNER: Callio!

(Close shot of Callio.)

CALLIO: Ah...I'm not sure. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Huh. Perfect.

(Mr. Bottner looks at the list again and frowns.)

MR. BOTTNER: Carpazon.

STUART: Uh...(gestures)...that's "Carpazian", sir.

(Mr. Bottner frowns, and steps closer.)

MR. BOTTNER: What did you say?

(Shot of Kevin looking on, then glancing toward Stuart off-screen.)

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: Uh, it's...not important.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking at Stuart, then writing on the blackboard.)

MR. BOTTNER: The answer to the question...is the...Con-sti-tu-tion.

(Shot of Kevin.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner turning toward the class. He looks down as he shakes a piece of chalk in his hand.)

(Shot of Kevin glancing at Stuart off-screen.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): And speaking of the Constitution...

(Shot of Mr. Bottner walking around his desk.)

MR. BOTTNER: This might be a good time to tell you about meeting the thirty-ninth vice-president of the United States.

(Mr. Bottner sits on the edge of his desk.)

MR. BOTTNER: Spiro T. Agnew.

(Closer shot of Kevin.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): I was one of only nine-hundred teachers...

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Selected to have lunch at the White House. The real White House. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin. He glances down.)

And there you had it.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner speaking.)

It was pretty obvious the man who was teaching us all about freedom...

(Shot of the class.)

Was nothing but a petty dictator. And that's when we realized - for the next five months, we'd be held hostage...

(Shot of Mr. Bottner speaking and shaking the chalk in his hand.)

While this guy strutted and preened, and perpetrated his little power-plays.

(Shot of Kevin.)

And told, and retold, his crowning life-achievement...

(Shot of Mr. Bottner.)

Meeting Spiro T. Agnew.

MR. BOTTNER: And, then! During dessert...

(He stands, shaking his chalk, smiles at a girl in the front row, and walks past the camera.)

(Shot of Kevin looking up at Mr. Bottner, who stands next to him.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): Which included a generous portion of cherries jubilee...

(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Bottner sitting on the edge of a student's desk.)

MR. BOTTNER: The vice-president himself...

(Mr. Bottner smiles and looks around.)

MR. BOTTNER: Came over to my table.

(Shot of Kevin as Mr. Bottner holds out his hand.)

MR. BOTTNER: Shook...my hand.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner smiling and glancing around.)

MR. BOTTNER: And do you know what he said? Huh?

(Shot of Kevin. He glances to Grutner.)

(Shot of Grutner.)

Of course, we didn't.

(Shot of Callio frowning.)

But still, it seemed some sort of response was called for here.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing"?

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking quickly at Kevin.)

(Wide shot of the class as they giggle.)

(Closer shot of Mr. Bottner looking around, then smiling at Kevin.)


(Kevin smiles and looks around, then back to Mr. Bottner.)

(Mr. Bottner looks serious.)

MR. BOTTNER:...I see.

(Shot of Kevin. His smile fades quickly.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking off, then at Kevin and nodding.)

(Cut to shot from the front of the class as Mr. Bottner stands and walks toward his desk.)

And maybe right then I should have known...

(Mr. Bottner jerks a pen from his coat pocket as he walks past the camera. Kevin looks a bit worried in the background.)

I...was a dead man.

(Fade to shot of Kevin and other looking at the clock off-screen, as the bell rings. Students stand up and start to exit.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): That's it, amigos.

(Kevin rises and looks toward Mr. Bottner off-screen. A boy squeezes past and exits.)

Still, by the end of class, I'd come up with a plan.

(Wide shot from Kevin's perspective of Mr. Bottner organizing his briefcase.)

(Shot of Kevin approaching.)

I figured I'd talk to the guy. Explain myself. Offer the old olive branch.

KEVIN: Mr. Bottner?

(Shot of Mr. Bottner.)

KEVIN: About your story about Vice-president Agnew...sorry I ruined it.

(Mr. Bottner smiles.)


KEVIN: So...I'll seeya tomorrow?

(Kevin smiles.)

MR. BOTTNER: You bet! (Smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

And that was that - piece of cake.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking at Kevin, then down.)


(Shot of Kevin.)


(He looks worried and glances off, then exits.)

Cut to

(Kevin descends the stairs, and walks up the hallway.)

OK, I'd learned my first lesson. In high school, one had to be careful when dealing with authority figures.

(Wayne and Wart grab Kevin and push him back.)

WAYNE: Hey, Wart. Looks like somebody forgot to read the scrote handbook.

(Kevin frowns.)

KEVIN: Get outta my way, Wayne!

(Kevin tries to push between them.)

WAYNE: Sorry, Kev. Can't! You're on the seal.

(Kevin looks down. He is standing on the school seal in the hallway.)

WAYNE (V/O): The sacred emblem of our fine school.


WAYNE: So? So, only seniors are allowed to walk on the seal.

WART: Yeah, only seniors are allowed to walk on the seal.

Now, coming from anyone else...

(Close shot of Wart smiling at Wayne off-screen.)

Maybe I would have believed it.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne smiling.)

But from these jokers?

(Shot over Wayne and Warts shoulder of Kevin. He frowns and gestures.)

KEVIN: That's crazy! What kind of rule is that?

WAYNE: Kev, Kev - this seal is an emblem for the school, and protecting it is a long-standing tradition passed from one senior class to the next.

KEVIN: Get outta my way, butt-breath.

(Kevin starts to push through them. Wayne shoves him against the lockers.)

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: Let me explain something to you. Maybe you were some kind of "hot-shot" in junior high, but you're nothing here. You're the lowest of the low, the putridest of the putrid. You're that stuff that mom sweeps out from underneath the refrigerator.

(Shot of Wayne and Kevin, and Wart behind them.)

WAYNE: And we're in charge here. And if we catch you walking on the seal, you get...(gestures)...the "boosh"! The royal flush.

WART: The "boosh"!

Not that I knew what that was.

(Shot of Kevin giving a half-hearted smile.)

Still, the terminology seemed pretty self-explanatory.

KEVIN: Thanks for lettin' me know.

(Close shot of Wayne. He smiles.)

WAYNE: You're my brother, I care about ya.

(Kevin starts to move, and Wayne pushes Kevin's forehead back.)

(Wayne smirks and walks off. Wart smiles at Kevin and walks off.)

(Bell rings.)

Cut to

(Close shot of the cash-register. The camera pulls back as Kevin takes his tray and walks toward the eating area.)

Finally, something familiar - lunch.

(Kevin dodges people as he walks toward the camera.)

The trick was to desperately look for someone to sit with, without anyone ever knowing you were desperate.

(Kevin pauses and looks off.)

And that's when I saw her.

(Wide shot of Winnie sitting at a table alone, looking around. "Winnie's Theme" plays.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

Winnie - an oasis in sea of strangers.

(Wide shot of Winnie. She smiles and motions to Kevin.)

She looked so alone, I thought I'd go over and do the best I could to console her.

(Shot of Kevin smiling, and walking forward past the camera.)

(Shot from behind Winnie as Kevin approaches.)

(Three football players approach the table, and put their trays down.)

FOOTBALLER#1: Hi, Winnie!

FOOTBALLER#2: Mind if we sit with you?

(One guy cuts Kevin off and takes his chair.)

Me, and half the varsity football team.

(Winnie looks at Kevin.)

(Shot of Kevin. He smiles and starts to walk to another chair.)

(A fourth football player takes his seat.)

(Shot of Winnie. She nods.)

WINNIE: Come on, Kevin, you can squeeze in!

(Close shot of Kevin. He smiles half-heartedly.)

KEVIN: Uh, no thanks.

(Shot of Winnie looking at Kevin.)

(Shot of Kevin. He smiles.)

KEVIN: See, I'm, I'm just gonna...walk around for awhile, and...build up an appetite.

(Shot of Winnie.)

(Shot of Kevin.)


(He nods and walks out of the shot.)

(Shot across some tables of Kevin approaching.)

I mean, hey, I didn't need charity. I could manage on my own. Plenty of folks I could sit with. Good folks. Honest folks.

(Kevin sits at a table, unknowingly across from Stuart.)

Folks like, say -

(Kevin starts to take a bite of spaghetti.)

STUART: Ummmmm!

(Kevin looks up.)

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: Hey, Kev! Pretty neat cafeteria, huh?


(Close shot of Kevin.)

(Shot of Stuart.)

STUART: Remember that time you got that pencil stuck up in your nose? Hmmm?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Stuart.)

I always had Stuart.

(Shot of Stuart motioning with his milk straw.)

STUART: Errr-err. (Smiles.)

Cut to
US Government Class

(Shot of Kevin sitting at a desk, looking off.)

One French class, one biology lab, and three major social gaffs later, I was just about ready to call it a day.

(Wide shot of the door way as Mr. Bottner enters quickly and looks at his watch.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

On the other hand...

(Shot from behind Kevin of Mr. Bottner setting his briefcase down. He looks up at the class.)

MR. BOTTNER: Alright, mes amigos. This is "study hall". What you do in here is study - you don't talk...

(Shot of Kevin.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): You don't doodle...

(Shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER You keep your faces in your books.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

MR. BOTNER (V/O): Comprende?

(Closer shot of Mr. Bottner as he walks forward.)

MR. BOTTNER: So, here are Bottner's Rules. Numero uno.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Oh, man.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner with his finger up.)


(Mr. Bottner smiles and gestures.)

MR. BOTTNER: Arnold. You have something to say?

(Mr. Bottner crosses his arms and sits on the edge of his desk.)

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: No, I-I...

(Wider shot from behind Kevin of Mr. Bottner. He looks around the class.)

MR. BOTTNER: Oh, come on. Share it with the class. I'm sure it's pretty amusing - you being such a...funny guy.

(Shot of Kevin looking around.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): Come on, Arnold...

(Closer shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Don't you think you're funny?

(Shot of Kevin. He glances off, then back.)

KEVIN: No. Not really...

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Oh, sure you are...you're a regular Jose Jimenez.

(Mr. Bottner smiles and looks around.)

MR. BOTTNER: I'm sure the rest of the class wouldn't mind...waiting...even if we have to stay after school to listen to your joke.

(Shot of Kevin sighing as students groan.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner. He nods.)

MR. BOTTNER: I'm sure it'll be worth it.

(Shot of Kevin. The camera zooms in slowly. Kevin looks around.)

And as Bottner turned an entire class of tenth-graders against me, I realized something. My nightmare had come true - it was the first day of high school, and I was...completely, and utterly...alone.

Fade to

Driver's Ed Class

(Shot from behind Kevin as he drives in the simulator.)

After the first day at McKinley, I was lost. But as the week wore on...

(Shot of Kevin. The camera moves sideways slowly to reveal Stuart behind him.)

The true significance of high school became more clear to me.

STUART: Wow, you really flattened that little kid back there. That must have cost you ten points.

KEVIN: I know, Stuart! I know...

For instance, where else would they give you a back-seat driver, for driver education?

STUART: Boy, isn't high school great? Ya know, they're gonna have an assembly next week.

(Kevin turns around toward Stuart.)

KEVIN: Stuart. We're coming up to a 4-way stop sign. Can we cut the small-talk?

(Kevin turns forward.)

STUART: Well, yeah, sure...

(Kevin turns toward him quickly.)

KEVIN: Stuart!

STUART: You might want to watch out for that truck!

(Kevin turns forward, and looks surprised.)

KEVIN: Whoa!

(Kevin swerves violently.)

(Shot from behind Kevin of the screen.)

But traffic wasn't my only problem.

Cut to
US Government Classroom

(Shot of Mr. Bottner. He is passing out papers.)

MR. BOTTNER: Pathetic...fair...adequate...putrid...

(Mr. Bottner pauses next to Kevin.)

MR. BOTTNER: Arnold! You're gonna have to do yours over.

(He tosses Kevin's paper down on Kevin's desk.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at his paper. Mr. Bottner continues to hand out papers.)

MR. BOTTNER: Passable...marginal...

(Kevin frowns.)

KEVIN: Wait a minute, wait a minute.

MR. BOTTNER: You have a comment?

KEVIN: Yeah. Why do I have to do mine over again?

MR. BOTTNER: I'm glad you asked me that question.

(Mr. Bottner looks down, and takes a step toward Kevin.)

MR. BOTTNER: I can't read your writing. Your margins are off. And you didn't put the date in the top righthand corner. (Gestures.) Bottner's Rules.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: But I spent all night on this report.

(Shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Now that's funny.

(Mr. Bottner laughs and walks away.)

(Close shot of Kevin. He frowns and looks off.)

My ego was taking a beating.

Cut to
Ext. Day - Pfeiffer Driveway

So, there was only one thing to do.

(Paul shoots and makes a basket.)

Beat the pants off my best friend at basketball.

(Closer shot of Paul and Kevin. Paul tosses the ball to Kevin.)

PAUL: Three - zip. Your ball.

KEVIN: I can count, Paul.

Ungrateful dork!

(Paul frowns.)

PAUL: Hey, what's buggin' you?

KEVIN: Nothing.

(Kevin tosses the ball to Paul.)

KEVIN: Let's play!

(Close shot of Paul frowning, and tossing the ball back.)

No way I was gonna to let this bozo know I needed help.

(Kevin looks at Paul's shirt, and frowns.)

I was gonna keep my emotions to myself.

KEVIN: That sweatshirt makes you look like a geek.

(Paul looks down at his shirt.)

Yep, better I should just insult the guy.

(Kevin starts to dribble the ball.)

(Wider shot of the driveway as Paul steals the ball and makes a layup.)

(Closer shot of Paul tossing the ball to Kevin.)

PAUL: Four - zip.

KEVIN: I said I can count, OK?!


(They check the ball.)

(Wide shot of Kevin dribbling past Paul, who falls down.)

PAUL: Oh..

(Close shot of Kevin retrieving the ball, and turning around. He smiles.)

(Close shot of Paul dusting himself off.)

PAUL: No basket. Foul!

(Close shot of Kevin. He frowns.)

KEVIN: What do you mean, foul?

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: You charged.

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: I didn't touch you!

(Paul frowns and takes the ball.)

PAUL: I'm taking it out of bounds.

KEVIN: No way!

(Paul turns to Kevin.)

PAUL: Kev. A rule's a rule.

(Kevin frowns.)

KEVIN: God, Paul - a rule's a rule? You should hear yourself. All I hear all day is - rules! Don't walk here, don't...don't be late, your margins are too wide...don't talk, don't think, don't breathe.

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: What are you talking about?

KEVIN: I'm talking about...high school.

(Paul looks on, perplexed.)

KEVIN: Junior high used to be so great, and now...now we're like that stuff underneath the refrigerator, ya know?

(Paul looks off.)

OK, it just slipped out.

(Shot of Kevin.)

The way I saw it, I had a right to expect a little sympathy.

(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin. He shrugs.)

A gesture of support.

PAUL: I don't know - I kinda like my prep school.

(Kevin looks at Paul.)

KEVIN: Really...?

PAUL: Really!

(Shot of Kevin.)

(Paul shoots a jump-shot.)

(Kevin looks behind him and then looks back.)

(Paul hold up five fingers.)

PAUL: Five - zip.

Cut to
Arnold Livingroom

(Close shot of a cartoon on TV.)

(Shot of Kevin on the couch, eating from a bag.)

So much for sympathy. I hit the couch.

(Jack crosses in front of Kevin, sits down, and sighs.)

(They look at each other.)

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Hnnnn....

(Close shot of Kevin.)


(Wider shot of both of them.)

It was the best conversation I'd had in days.

(Kevin passes the bag to Jack.)

Cut to


(Wide shot of Kevin walking up the crowded hallway.)

Friday afternoon. One week down, six hundred to go.

WINNIE: Kevin, wait up!

KEVIN: Oh! Hi, Winnie.

(Kevin pauses, and Winnie catches up.)

WINNIE: Where have you been?

KEVIN: Around...

WINNIE: I'm sorry about lunch the other day.

KEVIN: That's OK - no problem.

(Winnie taps Kevin sleeve.)

WINNIE: Are you alright?

KEVIN: Yeah! I just expected this place to be different, you know?

(Close shot of Winnie. She smiles.)

WINNIE: Give it some time...it'll get better!

(Close shot of Kevin.)

WINNIE (V/O): Trust me! It's gonna be great.

(Close shot of Winnie.)

WINNIE: I'm going this way, so...I'll see you later, OK?

(Shot of both.)


(Winnie smiles, pats Kevin's arm, and exits past the camera.)

And ya know, hearing that voice, seeing that smile, for one moment I actually felt a little twinge of...

WAYNE (V/O): Oh, Kevie?

(Close shot of Wayne and Wart. Wayne smiles.)

(Shot of Kevin's feet on the seal. The camera pans up to Kevin. He looks worried.)

Absolute fear.

(Close shot of Wayne smiling and turning to Wart.)

(Shot of Kevin as they grab him.)

WAYNE (V/O): You get - the "boosh".

Cut to


(Shot of the stall, and Kevin's legs sticking out the top.)

KEVIN: Hey! Hey!

(The camera pans down the stall, showing Wayne and Wart's feet. Sound of - the "boosh". About $3.00 in coins clatters onto the floor.)

You heard it here. I got - the "boosh".

Cut to

(Shot of students passing the restroom door. Kevin exits the restroom and walks up the hallway. His hair and shirt are wet.)

(The camera pans with Kevin, and he is joined by Stuart who has come down the stairs.)

STUART: Hey, Kev, wait up! I want to know if you're going to the football game tonight. You know, afterwards, I hear they're gonna toilet-paper Cheryl Manning's house.

KEVIN: Go away, Stuart.

(They turn a corner. Stuart hurries up.)

STUART: You remember her. You hit her in the head with a tetherball once.

KEVIN: Go away!

STUART: Gee, Kev, your hair's all wet. You know, speaking to you as a friend, you should really -

KEVIN: Look, Stuart, don't you get it? We're not friends! Just because you sat behind me in the fourth grade doesn't mean we're friends - we weren't even friends then! So why don't you get someone else to hang around with, OK? Cuz I can't take it any more! You hear me?

(Shot of Stuart looking down, as Kevin hurries away.)

Cut to
US Government

(Close shot of Kevin at his desk, looking off.)

And so it came down to this.

(Kevin wipes his forehead and fingers, and frowns.)

I had acted like an idiot, blown up at the wrong guy...

(Wider shot of the class as the bell rings. Students sit down.)

And now...my only hope was that my government teacher was dead.

(Shot of the doorway as Mr. Bottner yanks it open and slams it behind him.)

(Wide shot of the class.)

(Mr. Bottner frowns as he walks to his desk. He holds his briefcase over the desk and drops it. He holds his finger up.)

MR. BOTTNER: Alright. Here's the deal - I just had to walk five blocks out of my way because some substitute chorale director parked her Pinto in my spot!

(He looks and gestures toward the doorway.)

MR. BOTTNER: Comprende!

(Close shot of Kevin.)

On further consideration, though, death didn't seem half good enough.

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner.)

MR. BOTTNER: Therefore, I suggest you open your notebooks, and write me, oh...(looks off)...let's say...(gestures)...five hundred words on the meaning of property rights, in the U.S. Constitution.

(Shot of Kevin and others opening their notebooks.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): Just for fun.

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner smiling and holding up a finger.)

MR. BOTTNER: And no talking.

(Mr. Bottner walks forward, looks at Kevin off-screen, and frowns.)

MR. BOTTNER: Especially you, Arnold.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Me?! Look, I never said any -

(Wide shot of Mr. Bottner standing behind his desk. He raises a finger.)

MR. BOTTNER: Ah-ah-ah...I said no talking.

(Close shot of Kevin. He sighs.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner. He smiles and spreads his arms expansively.)

MR. BOTTNER: Sorry, buddy. You're on detention.

(Mr. Bottner puts his hands on the desk and leans forward.)

MR. BOTTNER: The whole week.

(Close shot of Kevin looking surprised.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking at Kevin off-screen as he pulls out his chair and sits down.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

MR. BOTTNER (V/O): Let's move it, amigos!

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner getting things out of his briefcase.)

And I don't know, maybe it was all that talk about the Constitution.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

In any event, at that moment, I made up my mind.

(Kevin looks down at his paper.)

(Close shot of the notebook, then of Kevin.)

It was time for a declaration of independence of my own.

(Close shot in slow-motion of Kevin ripping the page, with sound effects.)

(Very close profile shot of Mr. Bottner pursing his lips and blinking.)

(Shot of Kevin ripping the page.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner frowning.)

(Shot of Kevin ripping the page.)

(Mr. Bottner makes a face.)

(Shot of Kevin ripping out the bottom of the page.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner looking toward the class as he stands up.)

MR. BOTTNER: Who did that?

(Close shot of Kevin. He is holding up the paper, and looks surprised.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner standing behind his desk. He is frowning and pointing his finger at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. BOTTNER: It was you Arnold, wasn't it?

(Close shot of Kevin. He looks at Mr. Bottner, then turns toward Stuart off-screen.)

But sitting there...

(Close shot of Stuart. He frowns and looks at Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Kevin holding the paper.)
BR> Holding that paper, I just didn't care anymore. If I was alone, fine - I'd go it alone.

(Close shot of Stuart ripping out his page.)

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner. He squints and looks at the class off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Stuart in surprise.)

Only suddenly...

(Close shot of Stuart. He smiles a little and looks down.)

I wasn't.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Stuart. He smiles.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner standing behind his desk, looking at the class.)

(Shot of Grutner as he rips out a page.)

(Shot of Callio as he rips out a page.)

(Shot of others ripping out a page.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner. The camera rolls in as he crosses his arms and looks around the students.)

(Shot of more students ripping out a page.)

(Shot of Mr. Bottner twitching and jerking a little.)

(Shot of the students. The all are holding up a page. The camera pans across Stuart and Kevin.)

Maybe it was futile, maybe not. It really didn't matter. For that one moment, we'd found a common voice...

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner. He smiles tightly and nods as he looks over the class off-screen.)

A common bond, against a common enemy.

(Shot of the students. The camera pulls back slowly.)

And, for that one moment, it was a sweet victory.

(The camera pulls back past Mr. Bottner, as he looks at the students.)

Fade to
Ext. Night - Mr. Bottner's House

(Slow-motion shot of flying toilet-paper rolls.)

(Fade to shot of toilet-paper hanging from trees. The camera pans down to Kevin, who is holding a roll, and looking up.)

That first week of high school, as I watched our class band together.

(Kevin backs up, and is joined by Stuart. They each throw a roll up.)

I realized something about these strangers I'd just met. Strangers I hardly knew. Strangers who were just like me.

(Close shot of Mr. Bottner's mailbox as hands wrap toilet-paper around it.)

We were all sharing the same feelings. The same fears, the same loneliness.

(Wide shot of the group of students running off.)

We were just starting out, and there was only one direction to go. So we went - together.

Fade to


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02/27/05 18:38