Episode 81 - "Grandpa's Car"
OPENING SEQUENCE
(Clip of young Kevin running out of his bedroom happily, followed by Norma. They run into the living room where Granda and Grandma wait with open arms.)
When I was a kid, anytime I needed a lift...
(Kevin runs up to Grandpa.)
There was my grandfather.
(Grandpa picks up Kevin, and Grandpa and Grandma hug him.)
(Clip in the front yard as Grandpa puts Kevin on his shoulders.)
The guy was always good for a ride.
(Clip near the barbeque as Grandpa teases Kevin with a hotdog.)
Sure, he was as old as the hills...but to me...
(Clip of the front of Grandpa's old car. Kevin is sitting on his lap, steering.)
Gramps was Hercules in bi-focals.
(The camera moves closer, and they smile and wave.)
Superman in suspenders. He was ageless...timeless...
(Clip of Grandpa and Kevin driving away.)
One man in a million. You could always count on him.
Fade to
Int. Day - Arnold Kitchen
(Close shot of the window.)
JACK (V/O): Where is he?
(Jack walks into the shot, looking at Norma off-screen.)
JACK: He's late - again.
(Jack turns and paces.)
Not that everyone shared my view.
(Close shot of Norma at the sink. She looks over her shoulder at Jack off-screen.)
NORMA: Probably just Friday traffic on the turnpike.
(Wider shot of the kitchen as Jack paces, and Norma puts food in pans on the stove.)
JACK: He said five o'clock. I come home early...you're making his lambchops - for him...
(Jack turns and paces.)
NORMA: The lambchops will keep, Jack!
(Jack turns to Norma.)
JACK: I know lambchops, Norma. (Points.) They dry out! And then he'll show up, and he'll start complaining...(gestures)...about dry lambchops.
(Jack paces and sips his drink, as Norma moves to the sink.)
It was kind of a ritual around our house.
(The camera pulls back slightly, to include Kevin standing near the dining room doorway.)
When Gramps visited, Mom cooked, Dad groused...
(Close shot of Kevin buttoning his shirt cuff, then looking at Jack off-screen.)
And I...
KEVIN: Dad? Can I have the keys to the car, tonight?
I'd borrow the keys to the car.
(Shot from behind Kevin as Jack leans against a counter, and Norma and Jack look at him.)
KEVIN: I gotta go out - I'm pickin' up the guys.
JACK: What guys?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen and frowning.)
KEVIN: Dad?!
NORMA (V/O): Oh, honey...
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Aren't you gonna wait till your grandfather gets here?
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and glances off, then looks at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Mom, he'll see me when I come back.
(Shot from behind Kevin as Jack looks off and sips, and Norma turns back to the stove.)
KEVIN: OK?
Not that I wasn't anxious to swap boring stories with the old guy...
(Shot past Jack as Kevin approaches him.)
It's just...
KEVIN: So, Dad - can I have 'em?
(He holds his hand out.)
(Shot from behind Kevin of Jack. He frowns and glances at Norma.)
When you're sixteen, there are priorities.
(Jack sighs.)
JACK: Well...
(Jack looks down as he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the keys.)
(Close shot of Kevin and Jack's hand. Jack starts to put the keys in Kevin's hand, then pulls them back.)
JACK (V/O): Wait...a minute.
(Close shot of Jack frowning.)
JACK: Where'd you say you were goin'?
(Close shot of Kevin as he raises his eye-brows and nods.)
KEVIN: Come on, Dad! Do I really have to answer that?
(Wide shot from the dining room doorway. Norma is at the sink. Jack looks off.)
It didn't seem fair.
(Jack looks at the keys and spins them on his finger.)
The Spanish Inquisition for two lousy hours in a four-door sedan.
(Jack holds the keys toward Kevin.)
JACK: OK.
(The phone rings as Kevin reaches for the keys. Jack pulls them back.)
JACK: But be careful.
(Norma crosses toward the phone.)
(Shot past Jack's hand of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I will, Dad. (Nods.)
(Jack drops the keys in Kevin's hand.)
After all, I was a responsible driver...
NORMA (V/O): Hello?
(Kevin looks at the keys, then smiles at Jack off-screen.)
Good on turns...
(Shot past Kevin of Jack smiling at him.)
Fair on parking.
(The camera rolls back as Kevin turns and walks toward it, and Jack turns to Norma off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): Kevin - wait.
Bad on exits.
(Kevin pauses, frowns, then turns around.)
(Norma holds the phone down and looks at Jack.)
NORMA: It's your father.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)
JACK: Where is he?
(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)
NORMA: The police station.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen.)
JACK: What the hell is he doin' at the police station?
(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)
NORMA: He's had an accident. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Jack looking off. Sound of a police siren.)
(Close shot of Kevin near the dining room door, looking at Jack off-screen.)
Cut to
Evening - Police Station
(The camera rolls back as Albert and Jack exit hurriedly through a hallway glass door, followed by Kevin.)
ALBERT: OK, let's get out of here!
JACK: Dad! What happened?
(Albert waves.)
ALBERT: Absolutely nothing, John - now let's go find my car! (Gestures.)
One thing was clear, anyway. Gramps's accident had been something less than fatal.
(They exit throught the front door.)
JACK: What, ya hit somebody?
ALBERT: It was nothin' like that. (Gestures.) It was a little fender-bender...couldn't be avoided!
(Jack holds up both hands.)
JACK: Wait a minute - wait a minute! Let me get this straight.
ALBERT: Just a minute. (Gestures.)
(They pause at the edge of the parking lot.)
ALBERT: The car was parked on the side of the road...(gestures)...I just nicked it as I went by. (Gestures.) That's all.
JACK: You hit a parked car?! (Frowns.)
ALBERT: John - don't start with me on this!
JACK: Dad, you -
ALBERT: John, the important thing is...(gestures)...nobody got hurt!
(He looks at Kevin.)
ALBERT: Isn't that right, Kevin?!
KEVIN: Uh...
ALBERT: Good!
(Albert pats Kevin's shoulder and points.)
ALBERT: Now let's go find my car!
(Albert walks past the camera. Jack looks at Kevin and frowns, them motions for Kevin to follow Albert.)
(Shot of Norma and a policeman talking near Albert's car. Albert approaches past the camera.)
(Norma takes a step toward Albert.)
NORMA: Oh, Albert! Are you alright?
(Jack walks just past the camera.)
ALBERT: Yes, I am, Norma.
(Albert looks at Jack, then back to Norma.)
ALBERT: And thank you...
(Albert looks at Jack, then back to Norma.)
ALBERT: Very much...
(Albert looks at Jack.)
ALBERT: For asking.
(Close shot of Jack. He frowns, then looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Jack off-screen, then Albert off-screen.)
(Shot of Norma, Albert, and the policeman behind them.)
ALBERT: Now, if we could all stop standing around, gawking...
(Albert looks at Norma, then looks at Jack off-screen and gestures.)
ALBERT: We might go home and have some dinner!
(Albert frowns, then looks at Norma and shakes his head slightly.)
(Shot of the policeman, and the Arnold's in the background. The Arnold's head toward their car, as Albert approaches his car door.)
(The policeman taps Albert on the back.)
POLICEMAN: Just a minute, Mr. Arnold.
(Albert turns around, and the Arnold's turn toward him.)
ALBERT: Huh?
(The cop takes the keys from Albert.)
ALBERT: What do you think you're doin'?
(The policeman gestures toward Jack.)
POLICEMAN: This your designated driver?
JACK: What?! (Frowns.)
(The policeman turns toward Jack.)
(Shot from Jack's perspective of the policeman and Albert.)
POLICEMAN: The man's had three accidents in six months.
Hmmm. Seems there were one or two things Gramps had failed to mention to us.
(Shot of Jack, Kevin and Norma. Norma hesitates, then looks from the policeman to Albert off-screen, and frowns.)
NORMA: Albert?
(Shot of Albert and the policeman.)
ALBERT: Now listen, sonny...(nods)...don't you have somethin' better to do than goin' around...(gestures)...harassing tax-payers?
POLICEMAN: You were driving on probation, sir.
(Shot of Jack, Kevin and Norma. Jack looks down.)
POLICEMAN (V/O): Probationary accidents result in the immediate suspension of driving privileges.
(Norma glances at Jack, then looks down.)
(Shot of Albert and the policeman.)
POLICEMAN: I believe you were informed of that.
(Albert nods, and glances at the Arnold's off-screen, then back to the policeman.)
ALBERT: Well...(points)....just let me inform you of something.
(Albert turns slightly toward his car and points.)
ALBERT: I have an Oldsmobile to drive here!
(Shot of Jack, Kevin and Norma.)
KEVIN: I'll drive, Gramps! (Smiles.)
After all...
(Shot of Albert frowning, as the policeman looks at his clipboard and glances toward the Arnold's.)
No sense letting a golden opportunity go to waste, here.
(Shot of Jack, Kevin and Norma.)
JACK: No you won't...(sighs)...I'll drive.
(Shot of Albert and the policeman. Albert looks at Jack off-screen and frowns.)
ALBERT: You most certainly will not!
(Shot of Jack, Kevin and Norma, as Kevin turns to Jack.)
KEVIN: Well, fine...
(Jack turns toward Kevin, as Kevin gestures.)
KEVIN: I'll drive your car, then.
JACK: You ride with your mother - we've had enough accidents for one day.
KEVIN: But, Dad! (Frowns.) I -
JACK: Kevin!
(Close shot of Albert.)
ALBERT: John!
(Close shot of the policeman.)
POLICEMAN: Folks...
(Shot of Jack, Norma and Kevin looking at the policeman off-screen. "Dragnet Theme" plays.)
(Shot of Albert and the poiceman, as the policeman looks at the Arnold's off-screen.)
POLICEMAN: Don't forget to buckle up.
(The policeman holds out the keys and walks toward the camera.)
And there it was.
(Shot of all as the policeman puts the keys in Jack's hand, then walks toward the building.)
The final word.
("Dragnet" ends.)
(Albert points at the policeman.)
ALBERT: You can't do this, ya know!
Cut to
Int. Evening - Arnold Dining Table
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Jack off-screen.)
ALBERT: He can't do this, ya know.
(Albert takes a bite of food.)
Hell hath no fury...
(Wide shot of all from behind Jack and Norma as they eat.)
Like a grandfather scorned.
JACK: Dad? He can do it...
(Close shot of Jack looking at Albert off-screen.)
JACK: He did it. It's done.
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Jack off-screen, then taking a bite.)
NORMA (V/O): Come on, Albert.
(Close shot of Norma looking at Albert off-screen.)
NORMA: I made your lambchops just the way you like 'em. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Jack of Albert frowning, and looking at Jack.)
ALBERT: That cop wouldn't know a good driver if he got run over by one.
(Shot of Wayne, Kevin and Albert.)
WAYNE: Honest, Gramps, I mean...did ya have the peddle to the metal? (Gestures.) Were you gunnin' it?
ALBERT: What are ya talkin' about?
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
ALBERT: Twenty-five miles an hour.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Albert off-screen.)
WAYNE: Twenty-five miles an hour, and you-you still hit the guy? (Frowns.)
(Wayne laughs and turns back to his food.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne, then Albert off-screen.)
You had to admit - it didn't really make sense.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Wayne off-screen.)
JACK: Because he wasn't wearing his glasses.
(Jack frowns and looks at Albert off-screen.)
(Close shot of Albert frowning and squirming in his chair.)
JACK (V/O): Am I right, Dad?
(Close shot of Jack looking at Albert off-screen.)
JACK: You weren't wearing your driving glasses, were you?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack, then Albert off-screen.)
ALBERT (V/O): They don't fit right, is the thing.
(Close shot of Albert frowning and pointing at his ear.)
ALBERT: There's this cockamamy earpiece that don't work right. Besides, my eyes are just fine! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Norma turning toward Jack off-screen.)
JACK (V/O): Dad...earpiece or not...
(Close shot of Jack looking at Albert off-screen.)
JACK: You're stuck. You don't have a license...(gestures)...so you can't drive a car...and that is that! (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack, then Albert off-screen.)
JACK (V/O): Do we understand each other?
(Close shot of Norma shrugging slightly, and looking toward Albert off-screen.)
It was a bitter pill.
(Close shot of Albert looking down.)
But there was nothing more Gramps could say.
(Albert holds up a lambchop and looks at it.)
Except, of course...
(Albert looks toward Norma off-screen.)
ALBERT: Aren't lambchops supposed to be juicy?! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Albert off-screen, then hesitating and frowning.)
(Wide shot from behind Norma. Norma and Wayne are looking at Albert. Kevin is looking at Jack, who leans back and hooks an arm over his chair.)
Cut to
Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom
(Shot of Kevin lying on his bed, looking at a magazine, as Albert cuts across to the other bed.)
Still, ya had to hand it to the guy - he had spunk. He had nerve.
(Kevin glances at Albert.)
He had the bunk next to mine.
(Kevin looks back at his magazine. Only Albert's stomach is visible.)
ALBERT: Know when I learned to drive a car, Kevin?
(Kevin looks at Albert.)
KEVIN: When, Gramps?
(Albert takes of his bathrobe.)
ALBERT: Nineteen-twenty-one.
(Wide shot of Kevin, and Albert behind him, as Albert sits on the bed with his back to the camera.)
ALBERT: The man that sold it to me taught me how to drive.
(Albert takes off his glasses and puts them on the night-stand.)
ALBERT: And I...drove it off the lot.
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
ALBERT (V/O): That was my license - know-how.
(Close shot of Albert getting into bed, looking at Kevin off-screen, and frowning.)
ALBERT: No State...
(Albert looks forward as he settles in.)
ALBERT: No son, to tell me what to do.
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
ALBERT (V/O): Ya know what I mean?
(Kevin looks at Albert off-screen, then sighs.)
KEVIN: Look, Gramps...
It seemed pretty clear we were gonna be up all night...
(Kevin sits up and looks at Albert off-screen.)
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)
Unless somebody put out this fire.
(Shot of Albert and Kevin.)
KEVIN: The law's the law. So, just...promise you won't drive.
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)
KEVIN (V/O): OK?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: You'll make Dad happy...you'll make Mom happy. It'll make me happy.
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): So, what do you say?
(Albert looks away, frowning.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Albert off-screen.)
And where all the king's horses...
(Close shot of Albert looking forward.)
And all the king's men had failed before...
(Albert turns toward Kevin off-screen and smiles.)
ALBERT: Fine.
(Albert reaches to the lamp and turns it off.)
ALBERT (V/O): Let's just get some shut-eye.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Albert off-screen, then smiling and settling into bed.)
There. Easy.
(Wide shot of the room as Kevin settles in.)
And in that spirit of peace and tranquility...
Cut to
Ext. Night - Arnold House
(Wide shot of the house, and Albert's car at the curb. Sound of an owl.)
We all slept a little easier.
Fade to
Ext. Morning - Arnold House
(Same shot as before. Albert's car is gone. Sound of a rooster.)
Cut to
Int. Morning - Kitchen
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin eating cereal at the table.)
JACK (V/O): He's gone. Again.
(Jack paces across the camera.)
JACK: I haven't seen anyone so stubborn in all my life.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack and Norma in the kitchen.)
NORMA: Now, calm down, honey.
JACK: He behaves like a teenager. (Frowns.)
(Jack gestures and paces.)
JACK: Where the hell did he go?! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin looking toward the door off-screen.)
(Shot of the door as Albert enters quickly from outside, carrying a brown bag.)
ALBERT: Morning, people!
NORMA (V/O): Albert?
JACK (V/O): Dad, where have you been?!
(Albert walks to the counter behind Jack and Norma, and sets the bag down.)
ALBERT: Ah, just out for a ride.
JACK: Dad - what the hell were you doing in the car?!
(Albert pulls out a large bottle of orange juice and holds it up.)
ALBERT: I was getting fresh-squeezed juice...and some eggs.
(Albert smiles as he holds out a carton of eggs.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin looking toward Albert off-screen.)
ALBERT (V/O): I came down early this morning to make my famous waffles...
(Close shot of Albert looking at Jack, then Norma off-screen.)
ALBERT: Couldn't find and egg in the house! (Smiles.)
JACK (V/O): Dammit, Dad.
(Close shot of Jack turning to Albert off-screen, frowning and gesturing.)
JACK: You're weren't supposed to drive - you don't have a license, and your eye-sight's shot!
(Close shot of Albert looking at Jack, frowning.)
ALBERT: What are you talkin' about? (Gestures.) I see like an owl.
(Albert frowns, and looks toward the counter.)
ALBERT: Here!
(Albert approaches the camera.)
ALBERT: Lemme show ya.
(Shot of Jack and Norma as Albert passes the camera and hurries over to Kevin, holding out a box.)
ALBERT: Hold that.
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as Kevin takes the box.)
ALBERT (V/O): Hold it right there.
(Albert hurries back past the camera.)
(Shot of Jack and Norma as Albert passes the camera.)
ALBERT: Now.
(Albert turns around, and points.)
ALBERT: "Lulla May's great buttermilk-flavor pancakes and waffle mix..."
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as Wayne leans forward and looks at the box.)
ALBERT (V/O): "Since 1917." And...
(Close shot of Albert pointing.)
ALBERT: On the bottom..."seven cent coupon...inside."
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin looking at each other.)
It was amazing. A virtuoso display of visual pyrotechnics.
(Close shot of Albert nodding.)
(Close shot of Jack as he looks away from Albert off-screen, with his tongue in his cheek, then looks down.)
JACK: Now read a box...
(Jack looks toward Albert off-screen.)
JACK: You haven't been buying for twenty-five years, Dad.
(Close shot of Albert looking at Jack off-screen, then gesturing.)
ALBERT: A box is a box, John.
(Shot past Albert of Norma and Jack, as Jack frowns and straightens up.)
JACK: Aw, this is ridiculous...
(Jack leans back against the counter, frowns, and sighs heavily.)
NORMA: Albert...It's just that we're worried about you.
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Norma off-screen.)
ALBERT: Worried? Well lemme tell you something right now. You don't have to worry about me! (Nods.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin. Wayne looks down as he eats.)
WAYNE: Come on, Gramps - be reasonable...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Jack, Albert, and Norma, as Albert frowns and leans forward slightly.)
ALBERT: You too, huh? Anybody else? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack, then Albert off-screen.)
I felt sorry for the guy. I wanted to say something, but...
(Kevin looks down.)
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: I see. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking up at Albert off-screen.)
(Close shot of Albert frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Well, I can tell I'm on my own, here! (Nods.) Maybe I'll come back, when somebody appreciates me...
(Albert looks toward the counter and points.)
ALBERT: And my waffles!
(Albert turns around.)
(Wide shot as Albert approaches the camera.)
NORMA: Just a minute, Dad - where are you going?
(Close shot from behind Albert as he turns and frowns.)
ALBERT: Home!
(He pauses, then walks into the dining room.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, then Wayne off-screen.)
Now we all knew Gramps was bluffing.
(Kevin looks forward.)
Cut to
Kevin's Bedroom
(Shot of Albert packing a suitcase on the bed.)
Problem was, he was also packing.
(Wide shot of Albert packing, Norma sitting on the other bed, Jack pacing, and Kevin and Wayne at the doorway.)
JACK: You're not drivin' home, Dad.
ALBERT: John...
(Albert straightens up slightly and glances at Jack.)
ALBERT: I am driving home.
(Jack puts his hands on his hips.)
JACK: You're not driving home!
(Albert stands up with his suitcase.)
(Shot past Jack of Albert looking at him.)
And there it was again. The final word.
ALBERT: Fine. (Nods.) Let the boy drive me.
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin.)
WAYNE: Aw, Gramps, I-I don't wanna...(Frowns.)
(Close shot of Albert shaking his head.)
ALBERT: Not you...him!
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin. Kevin frowns as Wayne looks at him.)
KEVIN: Me?
(Shot past Jack of Albert.)
JACK: Kevin?!
ALBERT: He's got his license, doesn't he?
(Wide shot from behind Kevin's bed.)
ALBERT: That's what you need in this State to drive isn't it - a license?
(Shot past Jack of Albert frowning.)
ALBERT: How about it, son? (Nods.)
(Jack frowns and turns toward Kevin off-screen, then back.)
ALBERT: You want to drive your dottering old grampa home?
(Jack turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
And suddenly...
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin. Wayne is looking at him.)
I was trapped between a Gramps...
(Kevin looks at Wayne.)
And a hard place.
(Kevin looks at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: Sure! (Shrugs.) I guess I could.
(Wide shot from behind Kevin's bed.)
ALBERT: Good.
(Albert walks to the door, bewtween Kein and Wayne.)
ALBERT: Let's get moving. Watch out...
And from that point on...
(Kevin and Wayne separate as Albert walks past them.)
There was nothing left to say but...
(Jack looks at Norma and throws his hands up.)
Cut to
The Car
(Shot from the driver's window of Kevin and Albert in the car, and Noma bent down at the passenger window.)
NORMA: Drive carefully, honey.
KEVIN: OK, Mom. I will.
(Kevin starts the car as Albert watches.)
And so it began.
ALBERT: Go easy on the gas. (Gestures.) She's got a hell of a punch.
(Albert settles in and looks forward. Kevin glances at him, then starts to pull away. The camera pans with the car.)
The great overland automobile trip to Grandfather's house of 1972. Sure - it was further than I'd ever driven...
Fade to
Ext. Day - Residential Street
(Wide shot of the car approaching on a residential street.)
And I'd have to take the bus back, but that morning, behind the wheel, I could feel the call of adventure...excitement...the unexpected.
ALBERT: Pull over.
KEVIN: Beg your pardon?
ALBERT: Stop her right here.
(Kevin pulls to the curb.)
For about a block-and-a-half.
KEVIN: Gramps - what's goin' on?
ALBERT: Get out.
(Albert opens the door.)
KEVIN: What?
ALBERT: I'm drivin'.
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: But, Gramps...you know what Dad said. You -
(Close shot through the windshield of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Come on...let's go!
(Albert looks forward then back to Kevin, smiling.)
ALBERT: You're riding shot-gun!
(Albert smiles as he gets out.)
KEVIN (V/O): But..
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
(Wide shot from in front of the car as Albert walks around it.)
And that's when the true meaning of what was transpiring hit me.
(Albert opens the door.)
ALBERT: Move it! (Gestures.)
(Shot through the door window as Kevin slides over.)
Suddenly, I saw clearly.
(Albert gets in.)
I'd been duped by the master. Hoodwinked.
(Albert closes the door.)
Blind-sided.
(Albert adjusts the seat.)
(Wide shot from in front of the car.)
ALBERT: Here we go! (Smiles.)
(The car lurches off.)
I should have known all along that my grandfather was...
ALBERT: Gangway!
Always in the driver's seat.
(The car passes the camera.)
Cut to
Country Highway
(Wide shot of the car on a country highway. The cameras moves parallel with it.)
ALBERT (V/O): Beautiful country, huh?
(Low shot from the seat of Albert smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Beautiful stretch of highway...(Smiles.)
(Shot from Albert's perspective of Kevin looking forward blankly.)
ALBERT (V/O): Yep!
(Low shot from the seat of Albert smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Beautiful!
(Closer shot of Kevin looking forward.)
It's a terrible thing...
(Kevin glances at Albert off-screen and frowns.)
When your own flesh-and-blood plays you for a sucker.
(Closer shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
Not that I was bitter about it, or anything.
(Kevin turns to Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: You know - I was supposed to drive! And you promised me last night that you wouldn't -
ALBERT (V/O): Hey!
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: I didn't know you had so much spunk! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
Yee-ah.
(Kevin turns forward.)
ALBERT (V/O): Anyway...
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: I appreciate your company, Kevin. (Nods.)
(Albert looks at the road.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
Maybe so.
(Kevin glances at Albert off-screen.)
But the guy sure had a funny way of showing it.
(Kevin looks forward.)
(Shot from behind the car as Albert slows up suddenly.)
(Long shot from in front of the car as Albert makes a violent U-turn across the dirt divider.)
KEVIN (V/O): Gramps! Whoa!
ALBERT (V/O): Hang on, now! Hah-hah!
(Low shot from the seat of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: What are you doing? (Frowns.)
(Low shot from the seat of Albert gesturing at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Pit-stop. (Smiles.)
(Low shot from the seat of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
Pit-stop?
Cut to
Int. Day - Diner
(Music "Crazy" - Patsy Cline plays in the background.)
(Shot of Albert and Kevin sitting at the counter as the waiter approaches. Albert hold up two fingers.)
ALBERT: Two pieces of cherry pie - hold the pits.
(Albert turns to Kevin and smiles.)
(Close shot of the waiter.)
WAITER: Anything else?
(Shot of Albert and Kevin.)
ALBERT: No. (Waves.) Pie'll be just fine. (Smiles.)
(Wide shot of the entire counter, and booths behind it.)
Turns out our pit-stop was about five miles off the highway.
ALBERT: What do you think of this place?
(Close shot of Albert and Kevin, as Albert smiles and glances around.)
KEVIN: What are we doing here? (Frowns.)
ALBERT: You're gonna sample the best pie...
(Albert taps the table with his fist.)
ALBERT: You ever tasted. (Chuckles.)
(Wider shot of Albert and Kevin.)
ALBERT: Margaret and I used to stop here on our way to see you guys. Before they...(gestures)...put the parkway in. (Smiles.)
(Albert glances around happily.)
The thing is, it didn't make sense. Here we were...
(The waiter brings the pie. Albert smiles and nods.)
Reliving old memories...
(Shot past Albert of the waiter as he frowns and gets out his pad and pencil.)
And I didn't know why.
ALBERT: Millie around today?
WAITER: Who?
(Shot of Kevin and Albert from Kevin's side.)
ALBERT: Millie.
(Albert pauses, glances at Kevin, then at the waiter off-screen, and gestures.)
ALBERT: She runs the place. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Albert of the waiter as he looks down and shakes his head.)
WAITER: Unh, never heard of her.
(The waiter frowns as he adds the bill.)
ALBERT: "Never heard of her"?!
(Close shot of Albert looking at the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT: I just saw her! (Smiles.)
(Albert glances at Kevin, then back to the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT: I was just in here!
(Close shot of the waiter looking up blankly.)
ALBERT (V/O): I was in here, about, uh...
(Close shot of Albert looking at the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT: Two years ago...
(Close shot of Kevin looking from Albert to the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT (V/O): You don't remember?
(Close shot of Albert looking at the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT: Millie? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of the waiter looking blankly at Albert off-screen, then down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking from the waiter to Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: Gramps - he's never heard of her, OK?
(Close shot of Albert looking at the waiter off-screen.)
ALBERT: Well...(nods)...just, uh, say hello to her, if you see her, anyway...
(Close shot of the waiter as he nods Albert off-screen.)
WAITER: Sure. Anything you say. (Smiles.)
(The waiter walks off.)
(Wider shot of Kevin and Albert.)
But one thing was clear...
(The waiter walks past the end of the counter, and into the room in the background.)
Memory lane had changed more than a little, since Gramps last strolled down it.
(Kevin turns to Albert.)
KEVIN: You feel OK, Gramps.
(Albert turns to Kevin.)
ALBERT: Oh, yeah...fine.
(Albert looks forward, then back to Kevin.)
ALBERT: Why? (Frowns.)
(Closer shot of Albert and Kevin.)
KEVIN: Nothing.
ALBERT: Hmm.
(Albert starts to eat his pie. Kevin looks at his own.)
Still, since he'd asked.
(Albert looks off and smiles. Kevin turns to Albert.)
KEVIN: You want me to drive?
(Albert looks at him.)
ALBERT: Why?
KEVIN: Well...it's just that I figured that way maybe, uh...
(Kevin looks at his pie, then quickly turns to Albert.)
KEVIN: Ya know, we could make better time. (Frowns and nods.)
(Shot from Kevin's side. Albert nods faintly, then more dramatically.)
ALBERT: Are you in a hurry?
(Shot from in front of them.)
KEVIN: Yeah! Kinda. (Frowns.)
(Albert nods, and turns to his pie.)
Not to be rude, or anything. Still, keep in mind I had a bus to catch.
(Albert turns to Kevin.)
ALBERT: Well, OK...
(Albert looks at his pie as he cuts off a piece with his fork, then looks at Kevin.)
ALBERT: If you're in a hurry, we better...(shudders)...step on it!
(Albert takes a big bite and smiles as he chews.)
ALBERT: Hmm-mmm-mmm!
(He claps his hands together and points dramatically at Kevin's pie.)
(The opening drums of "Sing, Sing, Sing" - Benny Goodman starts.)
Cut to
The Road
(The camera pans along the road, as the car edges forward into the shot.)
So we stepped on it alright.
(The camera pans to Albert and Kevin. Albert taps the steering wheel to the music on the radio, and starts whistling as the melody kicks in.)
(Kevin frowns.)
Trouble was...
(Kevin glances at Albert and frowns again.)
It was Gramps who did all the stepping.
(The camera pans as the car drives away - at about thirty miles per hour.)
Fade to
Ext. Afternoon - Roadside Stand
(Music continues.)
(Shot from across the road of the car parked near a small roadside stand, as Albert buys something. Kevin stands behind his open car door.)
That afternoon...
(Albert tosses an apple to Kevin.)
ALBERT: Here!
We stopped at every monument and landmark...
(Close shot of Kevin catching the apple and looking at it.)
(Shot of Albert turning away from the stand, holding a bag, as the seller pats him on the shoulder.)
Every fruit-stand and roadside museum known to mankind.
(Albert bends down and pats a dog.)
ALBERT: Hah-hah! Good to seeya!
(Albert walks past the camera.)
Cut to
Ext. Afternoon - Roadside Store
(Shot from across the road of the car parked at the gas pumps of an old service station. Albert stands at the front of the car and lowers the hood.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective through the window of Albert chatting with the owner, as they drink sodas. Albert puts his arm around the man's shoulder, smiles at Kevin and points at the man.)
Not to mention a few that weren't.
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, and smiling half-heartedly, then looking off.)
Cut to
Ext. Afternoon - Roadside
(Music continues.)
(Panoramic shot of hazy hills in the distance. The camera pans down slowly.)
The worst part was...
(Kevin sits on the hood of the car, as Albert looks out over the hills. The camera lowers.)
I just couldn't figure out why Gramps was doing this at all.
(Music fades to the background.)
(Albert turns to Kevin.)
ALBERT: Amazing, isn't it?
KEVIN: It's OK, I guess...
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen.)
All I knew was...
(Albert chuckles and shakes his head, then turns toward the view.)
The longer it took...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Albert, snorting, then looking away.)
The more impatient I got.
(Wider shot, nearly in silhouette, of Kevin sitting on the hood, and Albert standing with his hands in his pockets. Music ends.)
Fade to
Ext. Afternoon - Residential Street
(Shot from behind Kevin of Albert as he whistles.)
By four o'clock, we'd made more pit-stops...
(Shot from behind Albert of Kevin frowning.)
Than most race cars make in a lifetime.
ALBERT (V/O): Did I ever tell you about the time...
(Shot from behind Kevin of Albert.)
ALBERT: Me and Nate Molnar took seven weeks to drive my old jalopy across the country.
(Shot from behind Albert of Kevin turning to Albert and frowning.)
KEVIN: Gramps!
(Albert chuckles.)
ALBERT (V/O): We broke three wheels the first week! Then...
(Shot from behind Kevin of Albert.)
ALBERT: Then, we broke and axle in the smallest town I've ever seen. It was about 100 miles outside of, uh...(gestures)...Souix Falls.
(Shot from behind Albert of Kevin looking at Albert.)
It was crazy.
(The camera moves up the side of the car toward Albert.)
The guy kept rambling on and on about every detail of his life - and I was held there - captive.
ALBERT: Wait a minute - wait a minute. Did I say Souix Falls? No...
(Albert frowns and shakes his head slightly.)
ALBERT: No, no - it was Rapid City. Wait a minute - wait a minute.
(The camera moves in slightly on Kevin looking at Albert.)
ALBERT: It wasn't Rapid City, it was a little town, about...right west of there, uh...
(Albert frowns and squeezes his lip. Kevin is still looking at him.)
I just didn't care anymore. About Souix Falls...
(Albert resettles in his seat, just out of the shot, and Kevin glances off and back to him.)
About his wandering, windbag stories.
(Close shot from Kevin's side of Albert.)
ALBERT: Well, anyway, we, we, we...broke an axle there...
(Albert glances at Kevin off-screen, then forward.)
ALBERT: And we thought we were gonna have to stay there...
(Close shot of Kevin as he turns toward Albert off-screen.)
ALBERT (V/O): Seven days!
KEVIN: Gramps...(Frowns.)
(Close shot of Albert as he turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Huh?
(Close shot of Kevin as he turns forward, then looks worried.)
KEVIN: Watch out!
(Shot past Kevin as Albert looks forward.)
(Sound of a car horn.)
(Shot through the windshield as Albert swerves to miss another car crossing the intersection.)
(Long shot from in front of the car as Albert swerves back toward his lane.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective through the windshield of another car avoiding them on his side.)
(High shot from across the street as Albert pulls to the curb and screeches to a stop.)
(Shot from Kevin's side as Albert holds him against the seat.)
ALBERT: Yowza! (Unintelligble)
(Shot from Albert's side through the windshield of them looking at each other.)
(Albert puts the car in park, and looks back to Kevin.)
ALBERT: You alright?
(Kevin frowns, and looks forward.)
KEVIN: I think so.
But I wasn't.
(Kevin looks back to Albert.)
I'd had it. I was fed up.
(Kevin glances off, then looks at Albert.)
KEVIN: Jeez, Gramps! (Frowns.) Didn't you see where you were going?!
(Shot from Kevin's side through the windshield of them looking at each other.)
ALBERT: Well, I...(Gestures.)
KEVIN: You could have gotten us killed!
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: You're lookin' out the window, tellin' stories...
(Kevin glances forward and gestures, frowning, then back to Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: Not watchin' the road! (Frowns.)
(Close shot through the windshield of Albert as he frowns and looks forward, then sighs.)
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: That's how it happened yesterday, wasn't it?
(Close shot through the windshield of Albert as he turns to Kevin off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): You weren't paying attention, were you, Gramps?
ALBERT: I was paying attention!
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin turning forward and gesturing, then looking at Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: Then how'd you hit a parked car?
(Shot past Kevin of Albert.)
ALBERT: It was the sun!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, and hesitating.)
KEVIN: What?
(Shot past Kevin of Albert.)
ALBERT: The sun.
(Albert looks off.)
ALBERT: It was real low...it was...glinting in the rear-view mirror...(gestures)...and catching a whole row of...(gestures)... hubcaps, along the side of the street.
(The camera moves in slowly.)
(Albert glances at Kevin off-screen, then forward, frowning.)
ALBERT: You know what it's like, when you suddenly can't see anything...
(Albert glances at Kevin off-screen, then forward, frowning.)
ALBERT: Because of the glints, and the...traffic.
And I guess that's when it hit me.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
For the first time, this man, who'd always been Hercules to me, didn't seem quite the same.
(Close shot of Albert looking forward, then sighing and shaking his head slightly.)
For the first time, my grandfather seemed...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
Old.
KEVIN: Gramps - let's just go home.
(Close shot of Albert looking forward, then toward Kevin off-screen. He nods.)
(Shot from behind the car a Albert drives off.)
Fade to
Ext. Afternoon - Albert's House
(High wide shot of the tree-lined street. The camera lowers as the car approaches.)
We didn't talk much the rest of the way. Something had come between us.
(Albert pulls to the curb. The camera pans with them as the slow down.)
A gulf of silence. A gulf of time.
(They stop.)
(Long shot from in front of the car. Albert sighs.)
ALBERT: Home.
(Close shot through the windshield of Albert looking forward.)
We sat there...
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin looking forward.)
A sixteen year-old...
(Kevin looks toward the house off-screen, then forward.)
Who was always in a hurry...
(Kevin turns toward Albert off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of Albert looking forward.)
A man whose eyes had grown old before his time.
(Kevin glances forward, then back to Albert.)
ALBERT: Kevin...
(Albert turns to Kevin and pauses.)
ALBERT: Make me an offer.
(Shot past Albert of Kevin.)
KEVIN: What?
(Albert gestures. Kevin looks forward, a little puzzled.)
ALBERT: For the car.
(Kevin frowns and looks at Albert.)
KEVIN: What are you talking about?
(Close shot of Albert looking forward.)
ALBERT: She's got a lot of miles, and...it's got a dented bumper. How's, uh...
(Albert turns slowly to Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: How's one dollar?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, then glancing forward, and back to Albert, smiling.)
KEVIN: A dollar?
(Close shot of Albert as he nods.)
ALBERT: Is it a deal? Or you want to haggle with me?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
I didn't know what to say.
(Kevin looks forward a monent and frowns, then back to Albert off-screen.)
KEVIN: No! (Nods.) One dollar sounds good.
(Close shot of Albert looking at Kevin off-screen, then turning forward.)
It was the hardest thing I'd ever seen Gramps do.
(Shot through the windshield of both.)
KEVIN: How are you gonna get around?
(Albert looks at Kevin and frowns, then looks forward.)
ALBERT: Oh, well, uh...
(Albert shrugs and gestures.)
ALBERT: The town's close. I got, uh, cabs...I got busses. I got feet!
(Albert looks at Kevin.)
(Close shot from Kevin's side as Albert looks at him off-screen. He pauses, then nods slightly.)
ALBERT: And I got a fine grandson who'll drive me around when I come to visit.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen.)
And maybe that's when I began to understand.
(Kevin looks forward.)
About a lot of things.
(Close shot of Albert as he looks at Kevin off-screen.)
ALBERT: Well, come on - pay up!
(Albert shakes his head.)
ALBERT: Your credit's no good with me!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen. He hesitates, then reaches for his wallet, and looks at Albert again.)
(Shot from Kevin's side as he takes out a bill. Albert takes it and smiles at Kevin, then looks at the bill.)
ALBERT: Good.
(He looks at Kevin and nods, then looks at the dollar. He raises his finger and looks at Kevin.)
ALBERT: Tell nobody what you paid. I don't want anybody to think...
(He taps his chest.)
ALBERT: I'm an easy mark.
(Shot from Albert's side as Kevin smiles, and starts to open the door.)
ALBERT: No, no, no, no - you don't...
(Albert pauses and shrugs slightly.)
ALBERT: You dont have to come in.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Albert looking at him. He clears his throat and nods.)
ALBERT: I got the guys comin' over to play poker.
(Albert smiles and nods slightly, and opens the door.)
(Shot from in front of the car as Albert gets out.)
Course, we both knew he was lying. We both knew why.
(Albert opens the rear door, and Kevin slides over to the driver's seat.)
We both knew he was letting go...
(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder at Albert off-screen.)
Of more than just a car.
(Shot from in front of the car as Albert holds his suitcase and coat, and approaches Kevin.)
ALBERT: Remember...
(He leans closer and points.)
ALBERT: Cold mornings...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, and Albert's pointing hand.)
ALBERT (V/O): Pump the gas three times before you turn the key on.
(Kevin glances at the floor, then back.)
KEVIN: Three times...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Albert looking at him and gesturing.)
ALBERT: Yeah. I don't want you calling me...to ask me how to turn her over.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I promise. (Smiles.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Albert looking at him and smiling.)
ALBERT: Now, get outta here. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Albert off-screen, as Albert reaches in and pats his cheek.)
ALBERT (V/O): Drive safe.
KEVIN: I will. (Smiles.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Albert looking at him and smiling, then nodding.)
(Telephoto shot from in front of the car as Albert steps back. Snuffy's guitar plays.)
(Close shot of Kevin starting the car, and glancing at Albert off-screen.)
(Telephoto shot from in front of the car as they look at each other and smile. Albert waves, and Kevin pulls away from the curb.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he glances into the rear-view mirror.)
(The camera pans back to Albert, looking after Kevin.)
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin, glancing off, then forward.)
(Shot from behind Albert. The camera rises above him as the car recedes down the street.)
Fade to
Ext. Day - Arnold Driveway
(Wide shot of the washed and waxed car in the driveway, as Kevin rubs the trunk with a cloth. The camera moves in slowly.)
Some gifts are simple. Some come at a price. Some you buy for a buck...
(Kevin pauses and looks at the car.)
And last you a lifetime.
(Close shot of Kevin glancing over his car.)
I guess everybody remembers...
Fade to
Clips (Same as in the opening.)
(Clip of the front of Albert's old car.)
Their first car. I know I remember mine.
(The camera pans up to young Kevin sitting on Albert's lap. They wave.)
(Clip over Albert's shoulder of Kevin looking at the camera, waving and smiling.)
Not because it was my first car...but because it was my grandfather's...last.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Grampa Albert - David Huddleston
Music
"Crazy" - Patsy Cline
"Sing, Sing, Sing" - Benny Goodman
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Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
03/19/05 12:35