Mr. Diperna
RFK Assistant Principal





(Ep 1 - "Pilot")

Young man. What does that sign say? Hmm? You take that apple through that door and you're asking for detention.
(Kevin shakes loose.)
Young man! I think we have a problem.
He was right, there was a problem.
Oh, yeah. The apple.
That's right. The apple.
You wanted it inside the cafeteria.
That's right.
And now it's outside the cafeteria.
That's right.
Conversation was getting stale. I asked myself "Now, what would a guy like Brian Cooper do in this situation?".
(Kevin looks at Mr. Diperna, then throws the apple back into the cafeteria. A girl screams and silverware spills. Mr. Diperna gives Kevin a withering look.)
Um, uh, if you want, I could get that.
(Mr. Diperna hooks Kevin by the neck.)
*
(In Mr. Diperna's office, Norma is frowning at Kevin.)
Well, Kevin, perhaps we should start by asking you to explain what in God's name moved you to do what you did.
I wanted to tell them that Wayne embarrassed me, that the other kids were laughing, that Mr. Diperna had played power games with me, that Winnie had seen the whole thing and that she'd been wearing pink fishnets and gogo boots.
I dunno.
"I dunno"? That's all you have to say? "I dunno"?
Kevin, the question is, what did you hope to achieve by throwing an apple into a cafeteria?
(Inner voice): No butthead, the question is why do you have a brain the size of a baby pea?
Kevin! Mr. Diperna just asked you a question. What did you hope to achieve by throwing that apple into the cafeteria?
(Inner voice): World peace.
Kevin!
Nothing.
Well, Kevin, that's exactly what you did achieve - nothing. Now, I'm going to let you go without any further punishment. But I want you to know that I'll be keeping my eye on you. Do you understand that?
Kevin! Do you understand that?
Yes.

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(Ep 6 - "Dance With Me")

(Class room.)
October seventeenth, 1968.
(The bell rings.)
(On the speaker): Testing. Testing 1, 2, 3...
I had assumed my standard homeroom position, drooling in the general direction of Lisa Berlini. But today...things were different between Lisa and me.
RFK Junior High's revised dress code has been posted outside my office.
(Lisa looks toward Kevin and rolls her eyes. She smiles and makes a gagging gesture.)
Although it's fairly self-explanatory...I'd like to take this opportunity...
You see, the night before...
(Kevin makes "yakking" gestures, and points toward the speaker. Lisa smiles.)
We'd spent very close to four complete minutes talking to each other on the telephone. Our relationship was entering the fast lane of the seventh-grade social scene and it was up to me to keep the ball rolling.
Section Two, Article One - the mini skirt clause. Ahem!
(Lisa covers an exaggerated yawn with her hand, then tilts her head on her hands, simulating sleep.)
Any skirt cut higher than two inches above the knees...will call for immediate disciplinary action.
(Kevin pops his cheek. He glances around as the class laughs.)
Section Two, Article Two...
(Mrs. Ritvo frowns at Kevin.)
Is there a problem...Mr. Arnold?
Uh, no ma'am.
Yeah...I was looking pretty good now. All I had to do was plot my next move.
RFK's first Fall dance...will take place this Friday night. So for music and fun, dancing and romancing...come one, come all, and have a ball. That is all.

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(Ep 16 - "Walk Out")

(Mr. Diperna is on the public address system.)
Get involved in government. Remember, it's your student council, people.
*
(Mr. Diperna walks in on the student-council meeting.)
Ahem. Mr Tyler. Could I speak to you for a moment?
(Mr. Tyler joins Mr. Diperna by the door. Mr. Diperna leans closer and whispers.)
Uh, about this walk out...it's gotta be stopped...
OK...Uh, there is something Mr. Diperna here would like to say to you.
Thank you. Mr. Tyler. I'm afraid that Kennedy junior high school cannot tolerate a student-council committee that encourages students to violate school rules. Any student participating in a walk out, during school hours, will be subject to immediate suspension, and, it will go on your permanent record. Do I make myself clear? Your permanent record.
*
(The student-council has given a signed petition to Mr. Diperna.)
My, my, my. It's very impressive.
It's over four-hundred signatures.
Yes, indeed. I appreciate you showing these to me. (Nods.) Now, there's something I'd like to show to you.
(Mr. Diperna opens a large book.)
Section...one-seven-three-nine-point-five, of the State Education Code. Kevin? Read that for us?
All students shall remain in class at all times during school hours, unless otherwise authorized by the administration.
And that, ladies and gentlemen...is the law of the land. We can either obey that law, or we can suffer the consequences. Now, if you would like...to write your State assemblymen, and try and get the law changed...more power to you. But, as long as it's on the books...
(He drops the book on the desk in a cloud of dust.)
If I, or any other teacher, were to allow this, we'd be promoting truancy. And an educator can't advocate that, now can he? Now, I know you're disappointed, but think of this as a learning experience. Did you learn something?
(Inner voice): Yeah. I learned you're an even bigger butthead than I thought you were.
I guess so. (Nods and frowns.)
Well, that's what school's all about, isn't it?
(Mr. Diperna lifts the book and rests it on his shoulder.)
Uh, don't forget...for anyone who thinks that he's above the law...that's immediate suspension, and it will go on your permanent record - your permanent...record. Oh, and Mr. Tyler...I'd like to speak with you.


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(Ep 18 - "Fate")

(Winnie's bully boyfriend, Eddie Pinetti, has Kevin pinned against the lockers.)
I'm not afraid of you.
Yes you are.
Pinetti!
I never thought I'd be happy to see Mr. Diperna.
What's going on here?
Nothin'.
Uh...we were just talking.
Just talking?
OK - things were under control now. If he'd just leave well enough alone...
Pinetti, I'm getting pretty damned...sick and tired of you.
Uhnnn!
Maybe you should apologize.
Huh?
What was he doing?
Apologize to Arnold!
Uh, uh, really...that-that's not necessary -
Apologize, Eddie. Say you're sorry.
I'm sorry Arnold.
I could feel his eyes - like hot coals.
Doesn't that feel better, Eddie? Alright, everybody, back to business! I'll be keeping an eye on you. Both of you.

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(Ep 22 - "Whose Woods Are These?")

(In the hallway, Paul and Winnie have just walked away in a huff, after arguing with Kevin about how to save Harper's Woods.)
Great. All we wanted was for someone to listen. Now we weren't even listening to each other. It wasn't fair. Men with bulldozers...parents...planning commissions that meet at four A. M.
(Kevin starts to walk up the hallway.)
It made you wonder...were they in this together? Yeah - that was it. Them against us. Just one big heartless...
(Kevin turns a corner and collides with Mr. Diperna. He steps back, slightly stunned.)
Assistant principal.
(Kevin shrugs slightly, then starts to walk past Mr. Diperna. Mr. Diperna puts his hand out and stops Kevin.)
Whoa. Halt. Is that the way we turn blind corners in school corridors? (Frowns.)
(Kevin frowns and sighs, and looks off.)
No, sir...
Well then, suppose you go back around the corner...(gestures)...and show me the proper way to do it.
What?! (Frowns.)
Now.
(Kevin frowns as Mr. Diperna reaches for Kevin's shoulder. Kevin pushes his hand away. Mr. Diperna frowns at him.)
Like I said - them...against us.
Hey, bud - get off my back! (Frowns.)
(Mr. Diperna frowns at Kevin. Cut to Mr. Diperna's office. Mr. Diperna taps a letter-opener on the desk slowly. Kevin is slouched in a chair, glancing around.)
Rule number one of junior high school. For every action...there's a reaction.
(Mr. Diperna leans back in his chair, holding the letter-opener.)
We seem to have a problem here, Kevin. You agree?
Um...
Rule number two. Avoid trick questions.
I'm not sure, sir. (Frowns.)
Well...we do. I've been watching you, Kevin.
(Mr. Diperna stands and paces slowly behind his chair.)
I see things, I hear...and, in this case...I think I know what the problem is.
Sure...uh-huh.
I think I know what's bothering you.
You do?
And just for a second...I almost liked the guy.
You think you're special.
(Mr. Diperna tosses the letter-opener down.)
Just for a second, though.
(Mr. Diperna stands and turns away, then walks along a row of trophies and looks at them.)
I've been Assistant Principal of this school for over twenty years. And in that time...I've seen people like you...come and go...every single year.
(Mr. Diperna looks back to the trophies.)
Hundreds of 'em. Maybe thousands. You walk the halls...you go to class...And then your gone...just like that!
(Snaps fingers.)
Gone with the wind. I'm gonna leave you...to think about what I've said. And when you think you understand...you can go. (Pause.) I'll be outside...

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(Ep 33 - "Rock 'n Roll")
The first time I laid eyes on Larry Beeman, I knew I was looking at someone...different.
Hey, what's happenin'?
Nothin' much.
Sure, he was weird, but he was also kinda...interesting.
You, there!
(Mr. Dipera passes Kevin and approaches Larry.)
Not always the best thing to be in junior high school.
What's going on here?
(Larry looks up, slightly surprised.)
Me?
What's your name, mister?
Beeman. Larry Beeman.
You're new here.
Just moved...from 'Frisco.
Well, Mr. Beeman from San Francisco - let me acquaint you with our rules.
Hey, that's cool.
Specifically, pertaining to the playing of...musical instruments...
(Mr. Diperna taps Larry's guitar case with his foot.)
In school. It's not permissible.
Now this was technically none of my business - crushing individual spirit was the vice-principal's job, and he took it seriously. Still -
Mr. Diperna?
Arnold.
Is it permissible to play musical instruments outside the school?
What are you getting at?
Well, technically speaking, sir, we are outside. I mean, this is a courtyard.
Anything in the rules about a courtyard?
You're new here! Don't let it happen again. (Exits.)




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(Ep 43 - "Goodbye")

(At the teacher's lounge.)
OK. So I felt bad. For me, for Collins. After all, he probably had a good reason for -
Arnold. Can I help you?
I'm, uh, looking for Mr. Collins.
I'm afraid he's not here.
Well, could I leave him a message?
Sure. Set up a pow-wow, formal peace talks...anything.
Um...Mr. Collins passed away this morning. He, uh...he was at home. We just got the bad news. He's been not well for awhile. It was his heart. I'm sorry to have to break the news to you, now. I'll be making a formal announcement later in the day. Meanwhile, I'll be taking over most of his classes.
*
(Mr. Diperna speaks to a class of students.)
...how much respect Mr. Collins had from his fellow teachers. He, uh...he was a fine man. A fine teacher.
*
(In the cafeteria after Kevin splatters Hobson with Jell-O.)
Gentlemen?! What's going on here?
Nothing. It's nothing.
See me in my classroom...Three o'clock. Sharp.



*
(At Mr. Diperna's classroom door.)
Arnold. Come in.
Yes, sir.
It was about the last place on earth I wanted to be at that moment.
Something odd has occurred. Perhaps you can shed some light on it.
And somehow I knew, as soon as I saw that envelope.
Mid-term examinations. All of them. All of them, that is...except yours.
What?
Apparently, Mr. Collins graded these tests the weekend that, uh...well, in any event, it seems yours was misplaced.
Oh...
The question now is what do we do about it. You need a grade. Do you have any suggestions?
No, sir.
Well...Collins did.
(Mr. Diperna holds up a blank test with Kevin's name on it.)
Fifty minutes, Arnold. You may begin.
As I took that test, I thought about...a lot of things. About how I knew him, and yet, I didn't. About how he treated me like a man, and I acted like a child. About how I let him down, and now I wouldn't. The thing is, even though I could almost feel him in the room, I knew I didn't need him for the answers - or the praise. I was on my own, now.
(Mr. Diperna approaches Kevin. Kevin hands his test to him.)
You don't have to grade it. It's an "A".

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(Ep 65 - "The Yearbook")

(Kevin has written an unkind yearbook caption. Now in class with Brad and Marcy of the yearbook committee.)
Don't worry about a thing. We'll take care of it.
Thanks, guys.
(Cut to Kevin emerging from the restroom.)
And with that, my faith in humanity had been restored.
Mr. Arnold. Can I speak to you, please?
Sure!
Well, well...what was this?
(They walk into Mr. Diperna's office.)
A personal summons from the vice-principal!
Take a seat, Mr. Arnold.
Hey, he probably just wanted to thank me, for my small role in this whole matter - applaud my good judgement.
Did you honestly think you were gonna get away with this prank?
Prank?
"Oink! Oink!"
Uh...
Did you honestly think that was funny?!
Well...No! I mean, I guess you...kinda had to be there. But that's -
Luckily, not all your fellow students share in your brand of humor, Arnold.
Wait a minute - what was this guy saying?
Some of the more conscientious members of the yearbook editorial staff told me you were trying to sneak this quote in.
Brad and Marcy said that?
It's not important who said it - the important thing is that you didn't get away with it. My only question now is...what length detention you deserve? (Long pause.) Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
Well...I....
But there was really only one thing to say.
I'm sorry.

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(Ep 68 - "Graduation")

(In the auditorium for graduation practice.)
Students, parents, faculty and friends - welcome!
Eat it!
Who said that?
The final week of junior high school. Kinda brought a lump to the old throat.
Shhh! Come on, guys. This is serious.
Alright, people. After my opening remarks...****...when your names are called, you'll walk up the right-hand aisle, to collect your diploma.
(Barbella raises his hand.)
Yes.
Do I get one this year?
(The audience giggles.)
I fail to see the humor in that, Mr. Barbella.
Just checking.
* Members of the class of 1971, tonight...we meet to celebrate a very significant occasion. A time to face new challenges. A time...for looking forward. A time...for looking back.
(In the hospital where Mrs. Heimer is having a baby.)
That June day of 1971, I faced the truth. About myself. About my times. The world I knew had changed. And now...there was no turning back. Suffice it to say, that that afternoon, I embraced the future. I became a dad - kinda. And that night...
Ladies and gentlemen...the class of 1971!
I graduated from junior high school.
Kevin Arnold...
Yeah - whoo! Butthead!
Not that I did it alone.
Clarence Barbella...
Randall Mitchell...
I did it among people who had filled my life.
Douglas Porter...
Rebecca Slater...
And in their own way, they made it richer.
The future rushes at us, and we in turn stand ready, armed with our hopes, our dreams, and our memories.
I did it among people I loved.
Therefore, as we stand here, at the end of one journey, at the beginning of another - let us make a bond. To never forget our times at RFK junior high. And to never forget...the friends that we made here.

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11/26/14 15:40