Episode 65 - "The Yearbook"



OPENING CREDITS
(Shot across the cafeteria as kids walk around. The camera follows a cheerleader as she walks forward. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)

Any kid who's ever been to junior high school knows one great universal truth.

(The girl approaches behind two seated cheerleaders who turn to her as she speaks excitedly. The camera moves past the girls as a long-haired boy wearing sunglasses walks behind them toward the camera.)

Image is everything.

(The boy looks off and smiles.)

BOY: Hey...

(Two boys pass the camera and one bumps into the first boy, who turns around.)

BOY: Take it easy.

(The two boys approach and pass the camera, as the first boy walks off.)

Who you are is pretty much who you appear to be.

(One boy at a table stands up and combs his hair as he approaches the camera.)

And who you appear to be is pretty much a matter of hard work and careful planning.

(The camera pans with the boy as he puts his comb in his pocket and passes a large boy holding a tray.)

For most kids, anyway.

(The large boy approaches the camera, carrying a regular tray, plus a paper plate of hotdogs.)

Meet Peter Armbruster.

(Peter walks between two tables.)

Otherwise known as...

(Shot of an empty chair as Peter sits in it and sets his food down.)

"Pig".

(Peter looks at the camera and smiles.)

PETER: Let's eat!

(Peter rubs his hands together, then takes a big bite of hotdog.)

(Shot past Peter of Kevin, Paul and another boy at the other end of the table. Peter waves at them.)

PETER: Hey, guys.

(They look at Peter.)

KEVIN: Hey, Peter.

PAUL: Hey, Peter. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Peter looking down, then toward the guys off-screen as he eats his hotdog.)

Not that anyone ever called him "Pig" to his face. Still...

(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at Peter off-screen.)

PAUL: Oh my God! He's gonna go for all five!

(Wider shot of Peter looking down and frowning at his hotdog.)

As images go, it wasn't pretty.

(Peter smiles toward the guys off-screen and talks with his mouth full.)

PETER: Woops - ketchup!

(Peter sets his food down as he shakes his head, then stands up.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

PETER (V/O): Excuse me!

Face it.

(Shot from behind Peter as he walks toward the cafeteria line, and looks down at something in his hand.)

In the looks-conscious world of ninth-grade...

(Shot from in front of Peter as a boy bumps into his arm, causing Peter to drop something on the floor. Kevin and Paul are watching him in the background.)

BOY: Watch it, man!

There was only one way to sum up a guy like Peter.

(Peter looks off and frowns, gestures with both arms.)

PETER: Uh-oh.

(Peter bends over to pick up the item off the floor. Kevin and Paul frown and cover their eyes.)

KEVIN & PAUL: Ohhhhhhh!

(Close shot of Kevin looking over his hand toward Peter off-screen.)

He just didn't seem to care.

(Shot from behind Peter as he walks toward the cafeteria line, adjusting his pants.)

Cut to

The Hallway

(Shot of Kevin at his open locker. Paul stands next to him with his hands together, looking toward the camera.)

Then again...

(Kevin looks at Paul, then looks past the camera as it moves in slightly.)

Moving from the ridiculous to the sublime...

(Slow-motion shot from Kevin's perspective of a boy and girl decending the stairs through a crowd of students who look at them with awe as some chorale music plays.)

Meet Brad Patterson and Marci Doran.

(Marci fluffs out her hair with her hand.)

RFK's prince and princess of popularity.

(Shot of Paul and Kevin looking at them off-screen as the camera moves in on Kevin.)

They had it all.

(Shot of Brad and Marci approaching the camera. The "wind" blows their hair back, and Marci shakes her head from side-to-side.)

The looks, the moves, the clothes. Even their hair was popular.

(Shot from next to Kevin and Paul as they watch Brad and Marci pass them and the camera.)

Not that we were impressed.

(Paul smiles slightly as he looks over Marci off-screen.)

PAUL: Gosh...

(Shot from behind Marci and Brad as they approach her locker.)

PAUL (V/O): They are so cool.

(She dials her combo.)

(Close shot of Paul and Kevin looking at them off-screen, then Paul looks at Kevin.)

PAUL: Do you think they look like that when they wake up?

(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)

OK, so Paul was impressed.

(Paul turns toward Brad and Marci off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Brad and Marci at the lockers as they talk.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

But not me.

(Kevin looks at Paul.)

Not much.

KEVIN: Oh, come on. What have they got that we don't have?

(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at Kevin.)

PAUL: Well, he's the captain of the football team...(gestures)...her dad owns a corporation...

(Paul glances off, then looks at Kevin.)

PAUL: And they're both running the yearbook this year...(gestures)...and that's just for starters. You?

(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: Paul, they're just people like you and me.

This was true.

(Kevin and Paul look at them off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Brad and Marci smiling at someone off-screen.)

They were.

GIRL (V/O): Hi, Marci!

Kinda.

(Marci waves and Brad nods.)

MARCI: Hi! (Smiles.)

Sorta.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

I guess.

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): And so, the creation...

Cut to

Mr. Altman's Classroom

(Shot of the teacher holding a pointer and walking across the room.)

MR. ALTMAN: Of two great nation-states...

(He points toward a map.)

(Shot of Kevin seated between Brad and Marci. Brad is looking off, and Marci is looking at her desk.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): Germany...

(Kevin looks at Brad.)

(Close shot of Brad looking at Marci off-screen and smiling slightly.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): The epitome of power...

(Close shot of Marci smiling slowly at Brad off-screen.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): And Italy...

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Marci off-screen.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): Fountain of youth and romance.

(Kevin looks toward Brad off-screen.)

Which, I guess, made me...

(Shot of Brad, Kevin and Marci.)

Yugoslavia.

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): Both...

(Brad looks at Mr. Altman off-screen as he speaks to Kevin.)

BRAD: Psss. Do me a favor. Pass this to Marci, OK?

(Brad holds a folded piece of paper toward Kevin.)

KEVIN: Sure.

(Kevin takes the paper.)

That was me. Note-passer to the gods.

(Kevin looks at the paper, then hands it toward Marci, who holds out her hand.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): Mr. Arnold.

(Kevin and Marci jerk their hands back as Kevin looks toward Mr. Altman off-screen.)

(Shot past a few students of Mr. Altman looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking down, as Kevin hides the paper and looks at Mr. Altman off-screen, slightly surprised.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Kevin looks around, then toward Mr. Altman off-screen.)

KEVIN: Could you repeat the question?

(Close shot of Mr. Altman shrugging slightly at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. ALTMAN: I didn't ask one.

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

KEVIN: Oh.

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): But...

(Shot past a few students of Mr. Altman looking toward Kevin off-screen and waving his pointer as he walks across the room.)

MR. ALTMAN: You might read the contents of that note you're holding.

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking down, as Kevin looks at Mr. Altman off-screen, and holds up the paper.)

KEVIN: This? (Points.)

MR. ALTMAN (V/O): Umm-hmmm.

(Shot of Mr. Altman gesturing toward Kevin off-screen with the pointer.)

MR. ALTMAN: Why don't you stand up, and share it with the rest of us?

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking down, as Kevin looks at Brad.)

Uh-oh.

(Kevin glances toward Marci, then licks his lips and starts to stand up.)

(Wide shot past Mr. Altman as Kevin stands up and starts to unfold the note.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

(Close shot of the note which reads "This class is SOOOOO boring!")

Hmmm.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Brad off-screen.)

(Close shot of Brad looking blankly at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Marci off-screen.)

No help there.

(Close shot of Marci looking blankly at Kevin off-screen.)

No help there.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

So I was left with a choice.

(Kevin glances at Mr. Altman off-screen.)

I could sink...

KEVIN: Uh...

(Kevin looks down.)

KEVIN: A dozen eggs...and a carton of milk...

(Wide shot past Mr. Altman of Kevin and the class.)

KEVIN: And American cheese.

(The class giggles.)

(Close shot of Brad smiling at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Marci smiling at Kevin off-screen, then Brad off-screen.)

(Shot of Mr. Altman lookng toward Kevin off-screen.)

MR. ALTMAN: Is...that all? (Nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Mr. Altman off-screen.)

KEVIN: No. sir.

(Kevin licks his lips.)

KEVIN: It also says...

(He looks down,then at Mr. Altman off-screen.)

KEVIN: Pimento loaf.

(Wide shot past Mr. Altman of Kevin and the class as students laugh.)

Or, I could swim.

MR. ALTMAN: Class dismissed, Mr. Arnold. (Nods.)

(Wide shot past Mr. Altman of Kevin and the class as students rise. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)

Guess you could say I swam.

(Kevin hands the note to Marci.)

Swimmingly.

(Kevin reaches for his books.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - School

(Shot of Kevin exiting the building and approaching the camera, which rolls back.)

Not that it meant all that much to me. Until that afternoon.

BRAD (V/O): Say, Kev...

(Kevin looks toward Brad as he and Marci joins him.)

BRAD: I wanted to say thanks for covering for us in history today.

KEVIN: Oh, it was nothing...

BRAD: Listen, we're co-editors if the yearbook.

MARCI: And we really want this to be the best yearbook RFK's ever seen. With candid photos, and funny quotes for all the ninth-graders...

(Marci brushes her hair back with her hand as she looks at Brad.)

MARCI: Right, Brad?

BRAD: Anyways, we were thinkin' we could use someone like you to help us out with quotes.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: The quotes?

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking at Kevin off-screen. Marci brushes the wind-blown hair from her face and looks at Brad.)

BRAD: Yeah. You're a pretty funny guy.

(Brad and Marci smile at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

BRAD (V/O): I bet you'd be great.

(Kevin smiles and looks forward.)

MARCI (V/O): So...

(Shot of all three as they pause near the busses.)

MARCI: You want to?

KEVIN: Well...

(Shot of Kevin shrugging slightly as he looks off and smiles, then looks at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: Why not? (Smiles.)

(Shot of all three.)

MARCI: Super.

(Marci reaches into her purse.)

MARCI: We're meeting tonight at my house.

(She opens a small notebook and tears off a page.)

MARCI: Here's the address.

(She hands the paper to Kevin.)

MARCI: Seven o'clock.

(She turns away.)

MARCI: Seeya.

(Brad and Marci turn to their bus, and three cheerleaders follow them in line. The camera rolls back as Kevin walks forward and Paul approaches him, holding his arm out.)

PAUL: Was that Brad and Marci?

KEVIN: Yep!

PAUL: Talking to you? (Points.)

KEVIN: Sure! (Frowns.)

PAUL: Why?

(Kevin pause and looks at Paul.)

KEVIN: They asked me to be on the yearbook staff, OK?

(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)

PAUL: You mean you're going to their house?

(Shot of both as Paul walks past Kevin, shaking his head slightly.)

PAUL: Unbelievable.

(Kevin talks a step after Paul.)

KEVIN: What are you talking about?

(Paul turns toward him.)

PAUL: What are you going do do? What are you gonna say?

(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)

PAUL: What are you gonna wear? (Frowns.)

(Shot of both as Kevin shakes his head.)

KEVIN: I probably won't even change.

(Kevin heads into the bus and Paul follows.)

Cut to

Int. Evening - Marci's House

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly.)

I wore my best sweater.

(Shot of Marci and Brad.)

MARCI: OK - let's get started.

(Wide shot of Kevin seated in a chair, Brad and Marci seated next to each other on a couch, and two boys and a girl on another armless couch.)

KEVIN: Sure!

That night I found myself sitting among the pantheon of the power elite.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at Brad and Marci off-screen.)

Not that I was nervous, or anything.

(Kevin looks toward the three other kids off-screen.)

Not much, anyway.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the three other kids looking at him blankly.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at the others off-screen, then Brad and Marci off-screen.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking at their notes.)

BRAD: OK. First up - Arthur Aaron.

(Brad and Marci look at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: What'd you think, Kev?

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

Here it was.

(Kevin glances toward the other three kids off-screen.)

(Shot of the three kids looking at Kevin off-screen intently.)

My cue.

(Close shot of Kevin looking off. Sound of a ticking timer.)

KEVIN: Uh...(Frowns.)

I needed something...

(He smiles self-consciously, then frowns again.)

Brilliant.

(Kevin looks down and licks his lips, then glances toward Brad off-screen, then reaches toward the coffee-table.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Shot of Kevin's arm as he reaches into a bowl of either cheese-puffs or some other kind of snack. The three kids are in the background looking at him.)

Something ingenious.

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward as he puts a snack into his mouth.)

Something inspired.

(Wider shot of all.)

KEVIN: Um...

(Close shot of Kevin frowning and glancing down, then leaning forward slightly.)

(The camera pans down to the bowl of snack-food as Kevin reaches into it.)

KEVIN (V/O): Uhhmmm...

Fade to

"Later"

(Shot of the bowl, which contains five pieces of snack-food.)

Fifteen minutes later...

(The camera pans up as Kevin takes a piece and puts it in his mouth.)

I was still looking for inspiration.

(Kevin chews. Sound of a buzzer.)

(Close shot of Marci looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: You're not saying much tonight, Kevin.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Marci off-screen.)

KEVIN: Me? Oh, well...(smiles)...I'm, uh...

(He looks toward the three others off-screen.)

KEVIN: Just getting warmed up. (Smiles.)

BRAD (V/O): Sure, that's it.

(Kevin looks toward Brad off-screen.)

(Close shot of Brad looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: Give the guy a chance. I think he's gonna have something really funny for this next one.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: You bet. (Smiles.)

And suddenly my entire reputation was...

(He looks toward the three others off-screen.)

(Shot of the three others looking at Kevin off-screen.)

Was resting on the next name on that page.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

The letters of which would spell out triumph...

(Shot of Marci and Brad looking at Kevin off-screen.)

Or doom, or...

BRAD: Peter Armbruster.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

(He looks toward the three others off-screen.)

(Shot of the three others looking at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD (V/O): What do ya say, Kev?

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward as some dramatic music plays and the camera moves in slowly. Kevin breathes faster and glances around slightly.)

There are moments in every great man's life when fate brings him face-to-face with opportunity. In my case, this would be that moment. It hit me like a bolt of lightning.

(Sound of a crack of lightning.)

(Fade to close shot of Peter looking into the camera as he rubs his hands together.)

PETER: Let's eat!

(Fade to shot of Kevin looking toward Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: "Let's eat"?

(He looks toward the other three off-screen.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad. Marci frowns slightly at Kevin off-screen, as Brad looks at the other three off-screen.)

(Shot of the three others looking at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the others off-screen.)

(Close shot of the boy in the middle looking off and smiling slightly.)

STEVE: "Let's eat". (Laughs.) Man, that's hilarious.

(Shot of the three as they all laugh.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad smiling at Steve off-screen, then Brad looks at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: Peter Armbruster - "Let's eat!".

(He looks at Marci, then the other three off-screen.)

BRAD: Definitely funny.

(Brad points at Kevin.)

BRAD: Thata way...

(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Brad off-screen.)

BRAD (V/O): Kev.

(Kevin looks at the others off-screen.)

And so, with that one simple phrase...

(Wide shot of all.)

My reputation soared. My image was made. I was in. For that night, anyway.

Cut to

Cafeteria

(Shot of Kevin and Paul approaching the camera from the cafeteria line. Kevin has his sweater draped over his shoulders.)

The next day, though, in the cold light of dawn...

(A girl walks across the shot, then the camera moves in slightly.)

Things didn't seem so great.

(They pause and look at each other.)

PAUL: What's with the threads? (Frowns.)

(Kevin glances down, then looks at Paul.)

KEVIN: Knock it off, Paul! (Frowns.)

(They continue toward the camera, which rolls back.)

PAUL: So. Guess it went pretty well last night, huh? (Shrugs.)

(Kevin looks at Paul.)

PAUL: What'd you guys do?

(Kevin slows up and looks off uncomfortably.)

KEVIN: Nothing. Just...quotes.

(Peter approaches them past the camera and stands in front of it.)

PETER: Hey, guys!

(Shot past Paul and Kevin of Peter standing in front of them and smiling.)

PAUL: Hi, Peter.

(Peter looks at Kevin.)

Yow. The secret of my success, himself.

PETER: You guys missed the show!

(Peter turns and points over his shoulder.)

PETER: I was crackin' up over there...

(Peter leans closer to Paul.)

PETER: And I laughed so hard, milk came out of my nose!

(Peter leans closer to Kevin and smiles.)

(Shot of all three from behind Peter.)

KEVIN: Gee, Peter, that's...(shrugs)...great! (Smiles.)

(Shot past Paul and Kevin of Peter standing in front of them and smiling.)

PETER: Well...

(Peter backs up.)

PETER: Seeya! (Smiles.)

(Peter starts to walk off.)

(Shot past Peter of Kevin and Paul as Peter exits. They look after him, then approach a table. The camera pans with them, then swings sideways as they put their trays on opposite sides of the table.)

PAUL: What is he thinking?

(They sit down.)

(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)

PAUL: I mean, if that poor guy only knew what people said about him behind his back.

(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking toward Peter off-screen.)

KEVIN: Uh-huh.

(Kevin looks forward uneasily.)

Or wrote about him in the yearbook.

PAUL: So...

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: What'd you write about me? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Huh?

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: My quote. Come up with somethin' good for me?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh. (Frowns.) Paul - we only got through the "L's". (Gestures.) Besides, what's it matter? It's just a stupid quote.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: You're joking, right? (Smiles.) This is the way we're gonna be remembered, Kev.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

PAUL (V/O): Forever.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: My parents are gonna be reading those quotes.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Paul, enough...(Nods.)

(Close shot of Paul looking off.)

PAUL: And my grandchildren.

(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking over his shoulder.)

It wasn't quite the message I wanted to hear.

PETER (V/O): Hi, guys...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter walking past Brad, Marci and others at a table as he eats an ice-cream cone and smiles. The others giggle. Brad looks at Kevin off-screen and gestures toward Peter.)

(Close shot of Brad and Marci looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD (Whisper): "Let's eat" (Smiles.)

(Brad and Marci laugh again. They look at each other and Marci grabs Brad's hand.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking uneasily at Paul off-screen.)

PAUL (V/O): You might as well face up to it, Kev.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: You're writing history, here.

(Close shot of Kevin looking uneasily at Paul off-screen.)

Which, as it turns out...

(Kevin looks toward Brad and Marci off-screen.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci smiling toward him off-screen as Brad gestures.)

Was exactly what I was afraid of.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling self-conciously toward Brad off-screen and waving slightly as twangs of Snuffy's guitar play.)

Fade to

Gym Class

(Shot of one boy holding the legs of another boy who is doing sit-ups on a mat. Another boy jogs near the wall. Kevin walks past the boys on the mat, and the camera rolls with him.)

Adolescent guilt is an interesting thing.

(Other kids are doing various exercises throughout the gym.)

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, somehow...

(Peter approaches and stands in front of him.)

PETER: Hey, Kev.

(Shot past Kevin of Peter looking at him.)

PETER: You want to spot for me?

(Shot past Peter of Kevin looking at him.)

You can't.

(Kevin frowns and glances off.)

KEVIN: Well...

(Kevin looks at Peter.)

KEVIN: Actually, Peter...

(Shot past Kevin of Peter looking at him.)

(Shot past Peter of Kevin looking at him.)

I called upon the now-legendary Arnold wit to bail me out.

KEVIN: Sure. (Nods.)

PETER: Great!

(Wider shot of both as Kevin kneels and Peter sits on the mat.)

PETER: You wanna go first?

KEVIN: No...(gestures)...you can go ahead.

OK - so I'd spot for the guy.

(Peter lies back and puts his hands behind his head as Kevin grabs his Peter's ankles.)

What's the worst...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter lying down.)

That could happen?

(Peter frowns heavily as he lifts himself about six inches up, then flops back down. He tries again, with the same result. He lifts his head and shakes it as he looks at Kevin.)

PETER: Gosh, man...I'm not very good at this.

(Shot past Peter's legs of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: You're doing fine, Peter.

(Peter lifts up and does an incomplete sit-up.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter lying down, then propping himself up on his arms.)

PETER: I don't know. I guess there are things I'm worse at. (Nods.) Like dodge-ball. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking blankly at Peter off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter looking at him, then frowning.)

PETER: That was a joke. You know, me...(smiles)...huh, dodge-ball. Get it?

(Close shot of Kevin looking blankly at Peter off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh...(Nods.) Sure. (Smiles.)

(Wider shot of both as Peter flops back, then attempts another sit-up.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter frowning heavily as he attempts another sit-up, then props himself up on his arms and looks at Kevin.)

PETER: Ugh...so how many's that?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

KEVIN: Uh...(nods)...one, I think.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter as he flops back down.)

PETER: Uh...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

PETER (V/O): Geez - twenty-four to go.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter as he props himself up on his arms and looks at Kevin.)

PETER: We won't even get to get to your turn.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

PETER (V/O): Ya know...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter looking at him.)

PETER: My dad says I should get more exercise.

(Peter glances off and frowns.)

PETER: And my mom...

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

PETER (V/O): Well, she...

(Kevin looks at Peter off-screen.)

KEVIN: Look, Peter...(nods)...this'll go a lot faster if you don't talk, OK?

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Peter looking at him.)

PETER: Whatever you say, Kev.

(Peter flops back down.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

But the worst had happened. Right before my very eyes...

(Wide shot of both as Peter attempts another sit-up.)

Peter Armbruster was turning into...

(Peter flops back down.)

A person.

(Peter does another sit-up.)

Cut to

Int. Evening - Marci's House

(Wide shot of Kevin sitting next to Brad and Marci on one couch, and the three others on the other couch. Brad looks up from his notes.)

BRAD: Believe it or not, guys...this is it - we're done.

MARCI: Congratulations all around.

(They all nod and murmur. Steve shakes Susan's hand.)

SUSAN: Alright - good job.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Brad off-screen.)

By the next night...

(Shot of Marci and Brad smiling at Kevin off-screen.)

Histories had been written...

(Close shot of Kevin smiling at the others off-screen.)

Fortunes assured...reputations etched in stone.

(Kevin glances toward Brad and Marci off-screen, then looks off.)

There was just one little problem.

KEVIN: Uh, can I, uh...can I say something?

(He looks toward the others off-screen.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: Sure.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

KEVIN: Well, uh...

(He clears his throat.)

KEVIN: I was thinking...(Shrugs.)

(He looks toward Brad and Marci off-screen.)

KEVIN: About that quote...

(He looks toward the others off-screen.)

KEVIN: For Peter Armbruster?

(Close shot of Steve looking at Kevin off-screen.)

STEVE: Right...(Smiles.)

(Shot of the three others smiling.)

STEVE: "Let's eat!"

(They laugh.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

KEVIN: Well, uh...I was thinking...(shrugs)...you know...(frowns)...maybe we should change it.

(Shot of Marci and Brad looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)

After all, these were reasonable folks...

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the other three off-screen.)

They'd see the wisdom in that.

(Shot of the three others looking at him off-screen.)

SUSAN: Change it to what? (Smiles.)

JULES: Yeah. (Gestures.) "Let's eat" is perfect.

(Shot of Marci looking at Kevin off-screen as Brad looks at Jules off-screen.)

BRAD: Wait a minute, Jules.

(Shot of the three others looking at Brad off-screen.)

BRAD (V/O): Let's hear 'em out.

(They shrug slightly and look at Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad looking at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: Maybe Kevin has something even funnier. (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)

KEVIN: Actually, I was just trying -

(Kevin pauses, then looks toward the three off-screen.)

But suddenly...I could feel my social barometer...

(Shot of the three others.)

Dropping.

(Close shot of Kevin looking from the three toward Brad and Marci off-screen.)

So...

(Shot of Marci and Brad looking at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward and frowning.)

Once again, I took the cowards way out.

KEVIN: "Oink, oink"?

(He looks toward Brad and Marci off-screen.)

(Shot of the three others as they laugh.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad as they laugh.)

(Wide shot of all as Brad makes a note on his paper.)

BRAD: "Oink, oink" it is...

(Close shot of Kevin smirking, then looking forward.)

STEVE (V/O): Great.

SUSAN (V/O): Perfect!

Cut to

Int. Night - Kevin's Room

(Shot of Kevin in bed.)

That night I was visited by a horrible dream.

Fade to

Ext. Night - Fantasy

(Shot of a limosine slowing up and stopping next to the camera. Some melodramatic music plays throughout. Kevin has a moustache, wears a heavy coat and scarf, and holds some flowers. He pushes a button to roll down the window and looks out, then gestures to the driver off-screen.)

KEVIN: Door, please.

(The camera pulls back as the driver opens the door and Kevin gets out, holding a cane. Sound of a woman sobbing as the camera moves in on Kevin, who pauses.)

MR. ARMBRUSTER (V/O): There, there, Mother Armbruster.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of an old man and woman standing next to a gravestone. Fog swirls around the ground.)

(Close shot of Kevin as he walkspast the camera.)

MR. ARMBRUSTER (V/O): There, there.

(Shot of the couple and the gravestone as Kevin passes the camera and approaches them. the camera follws him.)

(Closer shot of the man and woman. She is looking off and sobbing, as the man looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. ARMBRUSTER: We had such high hopes for him.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

(Close shot of the man and woman looking at him off-screen.)

MRS. ARMBRUSTER: He died of a broken heart.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

MR. ARMBRUSTER (V/O): I can't thank you enough for coming.

(Close shot of the man and woman looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MRS. ARMBRUSTER: We were afraid he had no friends at all.

MR. ARMBRUSTER: After that...yearbook thing.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

(Wider shot of all three as the man and woman walk past Kevin, and she sobs. Kevin slowly approaches the headstone, and starts to bend down.)

(Closer shot of Kevin squatting as he places the flowers against the headstone, then looks at it)

(Close shot of the headstone which reads "Armbruster", with "Peter" under it. The camera pans down, and shows the dates 1956-2011 as a dogs howls in the distance. The camera pans down to "Oink, oink".)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the headstone off-screen.)

(Shot of the ground as a hand quicky rises from it.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down with surprise.)

(Cloe shot of Petrr's hand grabbing Kevin's hand.)

(Wider shot of Kevin kneeling as Peter's hand tries to pull him down.)

(Close shot of their hands as they struggle.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

(Close shot of "Oink, oink" on the headstone.)

(Close shot of their hands as they struggle.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down as he struggles.)

(Close shot of "Oink, oink" on the headstone.)

(Close shot of their hands as they struggle.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down as he struggles.)

(Wider shot of Kevin as he is pulled down up to his shoulder.)

Cut to

Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot of Kevin quickly sitting up in bed, sweating, then glancing around. He looks forward and takes some breaths.)

I couldn't carry the weight of my transgression, anymore.

Cut to

Int. Day - Classroom

(Shot past Brad of Marci facing him.)

MARCI: Yeah. Alright. (Smiles.)

(Kevin approaches between them.)

KEVIN: Hey, guys.

(Kevin sits down as he looks at Brad.)

MARCI: Hi.

(Kevin looks at Marci.)

KEVIN: I was thinking...

(Kevin looks at Brad.)

KEVIN: About the yearbook...

(Shot past Marci of Kevin and Brad looking at each other.)

BRAD: What about it?

(Close shot of Kevin looking off, hesitantly.)

KEVIN: Well...

(He looks at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: About the quotes.

(He looks at Marci off-screen.)

(Shot past Marci of Kevin and Brad.)

KEVIN: The Peter Armbruster quote...

(Kevin looks at Brad.)

KEVIN: I think we should change it.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: It just...(shrugs)...wouldn't be right.

There - felt better already.

(Kevin looks toward Marci off-screen.)

(Close shot of Marci looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: But it's funny. Right, Brad?

(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)

BRAD (V/O): Yeah, definitely.

(Kevin looks at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh, well...yeah, sure it is...

BRAD (V/O): Listen, Kev...

(Close shot of Brad looking at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: We'd like to help...(frowns)...but, unfortunately, it's out of our hands...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: Huh?

MARCI (V/O): We sent the proofs...

(Kevin turns toward Marci off-screen.)

(Close shot of Marci looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: To print this morning. (Smiles.)

(Shot of all three as Brad and Marci face forward.)

KEVIN: Print?

(Marci opens her notebook.)

KEVIN: Well, there's gotta be somethin' we can do.

(Kevin looks at Brad.)

KEVIN: Maybe we should go to Diperna.

(Kevin looks at Marci.)

(Close shot of Marci looking toward Kevin off-screen, slightly worried.)

KEVIN (V/O): I mean, he's the yearbook advisor.

(Close shot of Brad looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

KEVIN (V/O): And he's gonna find out sooner or later.

(Shot past Marci of Kevin and Brad, as Brad looks at Marci.)

BRAD: You know...I think he's probably right.

MARCI: Yeah...

(Kevin looks toward Marci.)

MARCI: I think he's right, too.

KEVIN: You do? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Marci looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: When you're right, you're right. (Smiles.)

BRAD (V/O): Tell ya what...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

(Close shot of Brad looking toward Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: We'll take care of it.

(Close shot of Marci smiling then turning forward.)

BRAD (V/O): Don't worry about a thing.

(Shot past Marci of Kevin and Brad.)

KEVIN: Thanks, guys! (Smiles.)

(Brad winks and nods at Kevin.)

And with that...

Cut to

School Hallway

(Shot of some students in the hallway, and the restrooms in the background.)

My faith in humanity...

(Kevin emerges from the rest room and approaches the camera.)

Had been restored.

MR. DIPERNA (V/O): Mr. Arnold.

(Shot of Mr. Diperna at the door of his office, pointing toward Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: Can I speak to you, please.

(He motions with his finger.)

(Shot of Kevin looking toward Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: Sure.

(Shot past Mr. Diperna as Kevin approaches him, then the camera backs up as they enter Mr. Diperna's office.)

Well, well - what was this?

(Mr. Diperna removes his glasses, and looks over his shoulder at Kevin.)

A personal summons from the vice-principal.

MR. DIPERNA: Take a seat, Mr. Arnold. (Gestures.)

(Mr. Diperna closes the door, and Kevin sits in the chair in front of the desk. Mr. Diperna walks around his desk.)

Hey, he probably just wanted to thank me for my small role in this whole matter.

(Mr. Diperna looks at some paers on his desk and lifts a sheet.)

Applaud my good judgement.

(Shot of Mr. Diperna looking down, then at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: Did you honestly think you were gonna get away with this prank?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: Prank? (Frowns.)

(Shot of Mr. Diperna looking at Kevin off-screen, and leaning forward slightly.)

MR. DIPERNA: "Oink! Oink!"

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Diperna off-screen and hesitating.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Shot of Mr. Diperna looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: Did you honestly think that was funny?!

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well...No!

(He looks off.)

KEVIN: I mean...

(He looks at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: I guess ya...kinda had to be there. But that's -

(Shot of Mr. Diperna looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: Luckily, not all your fellow students share in your brand of humor, Arnold.

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

Wait a minute - what was this guy saying?

(Kevin looks at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA (V/O): Some of the more conscientious...

(Shot of Mr. Diperna looking at Kevin off-screen, with his hand on his hip.)

MR. DIPERNA: Members of the yearbook editorial staff told me you were trying to sneak this quote in. (Gestures.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: Brad and Marcy said that?

(Wider shot of both as Mr. Diperna walks around the side of his desk.)

MR. DIPERNA: It's not important who said it - the important thing is that you didn't get away with it.

(Mr. Diperna crosses his arms slowly and sits on the front of the desk.)

(Close shot of Mr. Diperna sighing and looking forward.)

MR. DIPERNA: My only question now is...

(He looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: What length detention you deserve?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

(Close shot of Mr. Diperna looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MR. DIPERNA: Well, what do you have to say for yourself?

(Shot of both looking at each other as the camera moves in on Kevin slowly.)

KEVIN: Well...

(Kevin glances off, then looks at Mr. Diperna off-screen.)

KEVIN: I...

But there was really only one thing to say.

KEVIN: I'm sorry.

(He looks off.)

Cut to

Hallway

(Shot of two students facing each other as a locker slams. Kevin walks past them, and the camera pans with him.)

I was confused, to put it mildly.

(Kevin approaches the stairs as Brad and Marci descend. Kevin turns as they start to pass him.)

KEVIN: Hey!

MARCI: Hi!

(Brad and Marci continue toward the camera. Kevin follows.)

BRAD: Kev-man, what's up?

KEVIN: Well, it's just...you guys...

(The camera pans over slightly to Kevin s he hesitates.)

But wait a second. Maybe there was an explanation for all this. A perfectly logical explanation.

BRAD (V/O): What is it, Kev?

KEVIN: Well, nothing.

(Wider shot of all as Brad dials his combo, and Marci looks at Kevin.)

KEVIN: It's just...well, I was just talkin' to Diperna...

(Brad glances at Kevin, then continues with his combo.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Brad off-screen.)

KEVIN: And, uh...(smiles)...he kind of blew his top about the quote.

(Shot of Brad and Marci smiling at him off-screen.)

KEVIN (V/O): You know?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: But, I...(shrugs)...guess it's no big deal. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci.)

BRAD: Yeah, no biggie.

MARCI: Yeah. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

MARCI (V/O): Don't give it a second thought.

KEVIN: Well...

(Wider shot of all three as Brad puts his camera strap over his shoulder.)

KEVIN: Sure.

(They approach the camera.)

KEVIN: Except he gave me a week's detention.

(Brad and Marci look at Kevin.)

BRAD: Ah...sorry about that.

MARCI: That's too bad, Kevin.

(Kevin slows up slightly as he frowns. The camera pans with Kevin as he hurries in front of Brad and Marci and faces them.)

KEVIN: So! When's the next meeting?

(Brad looks at Marci.)

BRAD: Well...

(Brad looks at Kevin.)

BRAD: Actually, Kev-man...

(Brad glances at Marci then looks at Kevin.)

BRAD: Uh, you know...(shrugs)...we thought we'd take it from here. (Nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: What? What are you talking about? (Smiles.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking at each other, then at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: Well, the quotes are done.

MARCI: You were a big help, though.

(She looks at Brad.)

MARCI: Right, Brad? (Smiles.)

BRAD: Oh, yeah! (Smiles.) You're a pretty funny guy.

(Shot past Brad of Kevin as Brad pats Kevin cheek, then taps his shirt as Brad and Marci walk off. Kevin looks afte them off-screen.)

(Shot of Marci and Brad approaching the camera. Kevin frowns and gestures in the background.)

KEVIN: Wait a minute!

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Brand and Marci as they turn around.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: I just took the rap in there...(gestures)...and all you can say is I'm a pretty funny guy? (Frowns.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking at Kevin off-screen.)

BRAD: Well, what do you want us to say?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, how about "thanks a lot". Is that too much to ask? (Nods.)

(Shot of Brad and Marci looking at Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: Kevin.

(Marci glances around, then looks at Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: Think about how you look. (Frowns.)

(Brad and Marci turn away.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

And that's when I realized...

(Shot of Brad and Marci walking away.)

These guys were untouchable. Like Teflon.

(They look over their shoulder toward Kevin off-screen.)

MARCI: See you in history, tomorrow.

(Brad gives Kevin a little wave, then they continue walking away.)

(Shot of Kevin looing after them off-screen. The camera pulls back slowy as he glances off.)

And there you had it.

(He looks after them off-screen again as the camera pulls back.)

The final chapter in my short, and not-so-sweet, membership in the upper crust of junior high society.

Fade to

Hallway

(Shot of Kevin bent over at the drinking fountain. He takes some swallows, then a hand is put on his shoulder.)

PETER (V/O): Hey, Kev!

(Kevin looks up as the camera pulls back to include Peter.)

PETER: You're blockin' the water fountain.

KEVIN: Sorry. (Smiles.)

(Kevin steps back slightly. Kevin rubs his mouth and watches Peter take a drink.)

In a way, I was kinda glad to see the guy. I could take solace in at least having done right by my fellow man.

(Shot past Kevin of Peter, as Peter stands up and turns toward Kevin.)

Peter Armbruster probably never knew the...

(Peter wipes his mouth with the full length of his forearm.)

Potential embarrassment that awaited him.

PETER: Somethin' hanging from my nose? (Gestures.)

(Shot past Peter of Kevin looking at him and shaking his head.)

PETER: Then what?

(Kevin smiles and shrugs slightly, then looks off.)

KEVIN: Well...

I coulda told him what I'd done. How I'd saved...

(Shot past Kevin of Peter looking at him.)

His reputation. His future...

(Shot past Peter of Kevin looking at him. Kevin chuckles slighty and smiles, looking off, then looks at Peter and shakes his head slightly.)

KEVIN: Nothing, Peter.

(Shot past Kevin of Peter looking at him, then shrugging and looking off.)

(Shot of Kevin smiling slightly, as Peter walks away behind him.)

After all...there was no reason the guy ever had to know.

(The camera moves in on Kevin as he looks off, smiling slightly.)

Better to leave him with his illusions.

PETER (V/O): Hey, Kevin!

(Kevin looks over his shoulder.)

(Shot of Peter on the stairs, looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PETER: Call me "Pig". (Shrugs.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen.)

(Shot of Peter on the stairs, looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PETER: (Shrugs)...Everybody else does! (Smiles.)

(Peter giggles, then turns around and climbs the stairs.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at Peter off-screen. Music "I'm Different" - Randy Newman starts as the camera moves in on him slowly and he smiles slightly.)

Fade to

Ext. Day - School

(Shot of Kevin approaching the camera with other students.)

In junior high school...

"I'm different"

Image is everything.

"Don't care who knows it"

A dance with masks.

(Kevin looks over his shoulder as three cheerleaders cross behind him, and the camera pans with them as they talk to each other animatedly.)

"Somethin' about me, not the same"

A fight to fit in.

"I'm different"

(The long-haired boy with sunglasses from the first cafeteria scene walks past the girls, and the camera pans with him.)

Maybe it's a struggle that lasts a lifetime.

"But that's how it goes"
"I'm not gonna play"

(The camera pans with two boys crossing from the opposite direction.)

For most of us, anyway.

"Your gosh-darned game"

(The camera pans ups slightly to two basketball players wearing red McKinley jackets, one of which holds a ball.)

"I'm not saying I'm better than you"

(One boy puts his hand on the others shoulder as he catches up to him.)

"But maybe I am"

(They pass Peter who smiles as he walks toward the bus area.)

"I only know that when I look in the mirror"

(Peter pause and turns, then waves.)

"I like the man"
"We like the man"

(The camera pans over about fifteen feet to Kevin, who smiles and waves slightly to Peter off-screen. The camera rises slowly.)

"He's different and he don't care who knows it"

(Kevin looks at the crowd of students around him as the camera continues to rise.)

"Somethin' about him, not the same"
"He's different and that's how it goes"
"He's not gonna play your gosh-darn game"
"I'm different"

Fade to

CLOSING CREDITS

"Don't care who knows it"
"Somethin' about him, not the same"

Supporting Cast
Peter - Michael Bower
Brad - Chad Allen
Marci - Sandy Alexander

Music
"I'm Different" - Randy Newman



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02/27/05 11:57