John "Jack" Arnold


(Ep 83 - "Private Butthead")

sun But no matter how much of a problem the SAT's were...Wayne had an even bigger problem. A problem of cosmic proportions.
(Cut to shot of the sun flaring the lens, and Jack's shoulder in one corner.)
A problem...
(Jack stands up, wearing his football sweatshirt, holding a hammer. Jack, Kevin and Wayne are putting shingles on the roof.)
That could block the sun.
Wayne?! What are you doin'?
What? What'd I do, now?
I told you...(points)...the shingles have to overlap.
roof They are overlapped.
And there's supposed to be two nails in every shingle. How many nails you got in there?
About two...
Pay attention, will ya?
Whatever you say, Dad.
As Wayne inched his way towards graduation...Dad worried about everything he did.
(Wayne reaches for some shingles.)
And his worries came out as complaints.
(A roll of tar-paper rolls down the roof past Kevin.)
(Kevin tries to hook the roll with his hammer as it rolls over a stack of shingles, off the roof.)
Hey! Hey!
(The roll drops onto a trash can.)
(Jack frowns.)
Unfortunately, the more Dad complained...
(Wayne smiles and shrugs.)
The worse Wayne did. It was almost as if Wayne thought he was expected to screw up.
I don't believe it...
Dad, I know what I'm doin', OK?! (Gestures.)
Then do it. Use your head, will ya?
(Jack frowns, shakes his head slightly, and turns away.)
Whatever you say, Dad.
But even thought the problem seemed clear enough...
Look, Wayne...Dad's just tryin' to help. He cares about ya - that's why he does this.
For some reason...the solution just wasn't that simple.

(The living room.)
You skipped school? (Frowns.)
(Wayne looks at Kevin.)
Oh, I didn't say anything.
He didn't have to - the principal called.
Honey? How could you skip school?
Well...(gestures)...we didn't skip...I mean...we were gonna go, but then we just...didn't go, at the last minute.
(Jack has his arms folded, frowning.)
Well...where did you go? (Nods.)
Nowhere. (Gestures.) We didn't do anything.
Coulda done that at school...
Honey? This is going to go on your permanent record!
(Jack drops his arms and moves forward.)
So...suppose you don't get into college? What are you gonna do then?
I don't know...then I'll work at NORCOM.
Fat chance.
What do you mean? (Points.) Dad did it!
Wayne. First I went to college, then I went into the Marines, and then I went to work at NORCOM. (Nods.)
So, I'll just get there a little faster. (Smiles.)
But if my brother was looking for a free lunch...
You wouldn't get in the front gate.
Seemed the kitchen was closed.
Well, thanks for your support, Dad. (Nods.)
(Wayne picks up the TV remote.)
I really appreciate it.
(Wayne looks toward the TV off-screen.)
(Jack looks down and sighs, then looks at Wayne.)
Go into your room, and study for your SAT's.
(Wayne looks at the TV and shakes his head slightly.)
No, thanks.
(He clicks the remote.)
And there it was.
(Jack takes a step closer.)
A classic power-struggle. A stand-off between generations.
(Wayne frowns and slowly looks at Jack.)
(Wayne hurriedly sets the bowl of popcorn down, hops over the couch and hurries into the hall.)
Not that the outcome was really in doubt.

(Norma unloads groceries from the car. Jack and Kevin are on the roof.)
Jack?! Jack?! Is Wayne home, yet?
Not yet!
Oh, he was so nervous this morning. I hope he remembers what obsequious means...
I hope he remembered his pencil. (Smiles.)
(Norma walks off.)
By that Saturday, I guess we were all feeling a little tense. I knew I was.
You know, Dad, Wayne really studied like crazy for his SAT's.
'Bout time...
Well, what I'm saying is, sometimes, he just has trouble gettin' it.
What are you talkin' about? Wayne's a smart kid - if he stopped actin' so dumb.
Well, yeah, but, what I'm saying is that...
Look. A lot of kids don't do that well in high school. (Gestures.) I didn't do that well, myself. It's a chance for Wayne to turn things around.
But it seemed to me that Dad was missing the point, here.
But what if he can't?
(Jack looks at Kevin and sighs.)
You know, Wayne had a lot of trouble taking his first step. Took him a long time to do it. But when he finally did it...he didn't just take a step...he ran across the room.
(Jack looks off and smiles slightly.)
Then he fell on his butt.
(He looks toward Kevin, and nods.)
But he got back up again. (Smiles.)
And for the first time in a long time...
(Jack looks over his shoulder and smiles, then back to the shingles as he hammers.)
I could see how much Dad was rooting for Wayne. How proud he was of him.
(Jack looks at Kevin and smiles. Sound of a horn playing "I Wish I was In Dixie". They look toward the street. Wart's car pulls up to the curb.)
And at that moment...I actually had the feeling everything was gonna be alright.
(Wayne trots onto the grass, smiling. Wart follows.)
Hey! Dad!
How was the test? Was it tough?
Well, um...about the test...
We didn't take it.
What do you mean you didn't take it?
Well, we did somethin' a little better! (Gestures.)
A lot better. (Smiles and nods.)
What'd you do?
join Well...we've been thinkin'...
Yeah, we were thinkin'.
And, why spend four years in a college, when there's a much better way to get a career? (Smiles.)
Wayne! What did you do?!
Well, we talked it over, and -
We joined the Army! (Smiles.)
(Jack frowns. Wayne and Wart laugh and gesture as they walk out toward the house. Jack and Kevin look at each other. Cut to the kitchen.)
This can't be happening!
Even so, it had. My mother's worst nightmare was coming true.
Honey - you are just in high school!
Mom, I'm eighteen years old...And besides, the sergeant really liked us.
Yeah! He said we were special.
It was unbelievable. My brother had joined the Army.
You guys are kidding, right?
No, butthead.
Which left only one sane reasonable response.
How did you come up with such a dumb, stupid, idiotic idea!
Well, actually...it was my idea. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks at Wayne.)
And you listened to him? That's real bright. (Nods.)
Thanks! (Smiles.)
Dad...Listen, you know...it's not as dumb...as it sounds. I mean, if you just think about it - it makes sense! (Frowns.) The pay is good...and besides, they'll teach us to be anything we want - mechanics, uh, engineers, uh...
Topographical specialists...
bread Yeah!
Wart? Go home...
Well, I asked him to stay for dinner...
Goodbye, Wart.
And with those social pleasantries out of the way...
Nice seeing you folks. (Exits.)
It was time for the family to talk turkey.
Jack! We can't let this happen.
You didn't take your physical yet, right?
No, but, you know, that's just...(Gestures.)
(Jack looks at Norma.)
He's not in the Army.
(Jack looks at Wayne.)
Tomorrow, you'll go down there and tell 'em you changed your mind.
(Wayne glances off then looks at Jack.)
No, you don't understand...
You don't understand. (Frowns.) They're gonna send you off to Vietnam! They're gonna pack you up and ship you off so fast...your head's gonna spin!
That's not what the sergeant said. The sergeant said that -
What's the matter with you?! (Frowns.) They'll tell you anything!
Well, you went to Korea.
That was different.
Why? (Gestures.) What was different about it?
Because you're a dumb young kid!
Well, you were a young dumb kid, too.
Wayne! Listen to me! You're not goin'.
(Wayne glances down. He looks up and shrugs.)
Whatever you say, Dad.
(Wayne nods and looks down, then looks at Jack and walks away.)
And with that...so ended my brother's brief career in the military.

(Wayne and Wart are goofing off in the cafeteria.)
For the next few days...things pretty much went back to normal. For Wayne, anyway.
(Cut to Wayne and Wart on the bench in the guidance office.)
At school, he and Wart...continued to pursue their stellar academic careers. While at home...
wrench (Cut to the Arnold driveway. Jack and Kevin are working on the car, as Wayne spins a wrench on his finger.)
He and Dad settled back into the same old father-son routine.
Wayne? Wayne!
(Jack taps Wayne's arm, and holds his hand out.)
(The wrench slips off Wayne's finger and clangs onto the ground. Jack straightens up and frowns at Wayne.)

(Wayne enters Kevin's bedroom.)
What's going on?
I, uh...I'm goin' down to take my physical, now.
What?! Wayne, you can't do this. (Frowns.)
Hey - it's my life! (Frowns.)
(V/O) Wayne?!
Yeah, but...you told Dad that you -
Well, I had to get him off my back!
(Jack enters the doorway in the background.)
Told Dad what? (Frowns.)
Course I knew I should keep my mouth shut. Still, brotherly confidentiality was one thing...
He's going in to take his physical.
The Army...was quite another.
What are you talkin' about?
You heard him.
And suddenly...war had broken out again.
I thought we said you weren't gonna do that.
No, Dad. (Gestures.) You said...I wasn't gonna do it.
(Wayne steps toward the door. Jack blocks him.)
Wayne. You're not goin' anywhere.
poke Oh, yes I am, Dad. (Shrugs.) And this time you're not gonna stop me.
(Jack takes his hands out of his pockets, pauses, and steps aside.)
(Wayne steps forward, and Jack pokes him on the chest.)
But if you go down there...don't expect me to get ya out of this.
Maybe Dad was bluffing...maybe not. In any event...
Bye, Dad.
(Wayne exits. Jack glances down.)
This time...Wayne didn't blink.
I'm going with him, Dad.
(Kevin picks up his jacket and hurries past Jack. Jack looks down for a few moments, then turns in the doorway.)

(Kevin is outside the AFEES station, as Wayne takes his physical.)
That afternoon, I thought about all the times that Wayne and I had had. When growing up was still a game. And life was what we made it. I thought about how we'd played at war, afternoons in Harper's Woods. And how every night we'd shared a room. And how much I would miss him.
(Jack's car pulls up and turns into the parking space next to Wayne's car.)
I guess...I wasn't the only one.
(Jack approaches.)
He still in there?
Takes awhile...
(They look toward the building, glance around, and wait. Wayne comes through the door. Kevin starts forward, and Jack puts his arm out.)
Kevin, uh...let me have a minute. (Frowns.) OK?
(Jack approaches Wayne. They slow up as Wayne puts his hands in his jacket pockets.)
How'd it go?
(Wayne looks down.)
You know...
Yeah...I remember my physical - it's a real pain in the rear. (Smiles.)
Is that what you came down to talk to me about?
Nah, I guess not...
(He looks down, then off, and frowns. He looks down again.)
Wayne...you know I'm against this. I haven't prepared you for it...
(He shakes his head and frowns.)
Let me - let me finish...
(He looks off, then at Wayne.)
I haven't prepared you for anything.
(He shrugs and shakes his head slightly. He looks down and sighs.)v
You've been lookin' for my help...
(He frowns, then shrugs and shakes his head slightly.)
I don't know where I've been.
(Jack pauses, then looks down.)
I, uh...
(He looks at Wayne.)
I wanted so much more for ya. I wanted -
(Wayne shrugs.)
I failed my physical. (Nods.) I've got psoriasis. They're afraid my back will really peel in the jungle. (Frowns.) Psoriasis...Can you believe that? (Shrugs.)
(Jack frowns then looks down. Wayne looks down. He nods slightly and hesitates.)
I couldn't even do this right.
hug (Wayne glances off, then down, and shakes his head. Jack steps closer and puts his hand on Wayne's shoulder.)
It's OK...It's OK.
(Wayne looks down and shakes his head slightly. He looks at Jack.)
I just didn't know what else to do...
(Jack puts his arms around Wayne. They hug, and Jack rubs his back.)
Love is never simple. Not for fathers and sons. We spend our lives full of hope and expectations. And, most of the time...we're bound to fail. But that afternoon, as I watched my father sheltering his son...against a future that was so unsure...all I knew was...they didn't want to let each other down, anymore.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 86 - "Hero")

(Bobby has just said goodbye to Kevin at the lockers.)
I was on first-name basis with a superstar. A guy who had the world at his fingertips.
(Cut to close shot of two Alka-Seltzer tablets being dropped into a glass of water. Sound of Jack groaning. The camera pans with Norma's hand as she moves the glass over.)
As opposed to say...
(The camera pans up to Jack who is frowning.)
My dad.
(Norma rests her arm on Jack's back. Jack smirks and nods slightly.)
Here, honey - maybe this'll help.
(Jack takes a drink. Wider shot of Jack sitting at the table covered with stacks of paper and an adding machine, and Norma standing behind him.)
The only things at his fingetips were dull pencils and Alka-Seltzer.
I hate these damn reports.
Well, do you have to do them all tonight?
(Kevin and Wayne are on the couch. Kevin is looking at a newspaper as Wayne eats from a bag of potato chips.)
If I don't do it, nobody else will.
(Kevin looks up toward Jack and Norma off-screen.)
Well...I just hope they appreciate all the work you do.
(Jack frowns and nods slightly as Norma rubs his head and kisses his cheek.)
There it was...
(Norma exits toward the kitchen. Jack smoothes his hair.)
Portrait of the worker ant. His nose to the grindstone...
(Jack presses some keys on the adding machine.)
And the weight of the world on his shoulders.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne on the couch as Jack calculates.)
Not that we didn't appreciate him...
(Wayne turns toward Kevin and grabs the newspaper.)
Gimme the sports section.
Nah - I'm readin' it.
(They struggle over the paper.)
Give it!
(Jack frowns.)
We just had more important things on our minds.
Hey...Hey! Hey!
(Kevin and Wayne pause. Jack frowns at them.)
I thought you were supposed to be studying.
Well, I am.
(Wayne pushes Kevin away, and Kevin picks up the newspaper.)
I'm just taking a little break.
(Jack frowns and looks at his paperwork.)
And reading about the team this week. You know, Dad - you really ought to check out a game.
(Jack is looking at the adding machine.)
I don't have time.
(Jack looks at Kevin and nods slightly.)
Somebody's gotta put the food on the table.
(Wayne holds up a potato chip and smiles, then pops it into his mouth.)
Thanks, Dad. (Smiles.)
But, Dad - we're having a great season. (Gestures.) We got this point guard....Bobby Riddle...He can't miss. I mean, he's leading the league in...in almost everything. He's unbelievable.
(Jack frowns at Kevin.)
Don't you have a test coming up?
Well, yeah, but I-I...
(Kevin looks at the newspaper.)
alka I don't think basketball stats are gonna be on it.
(Wayne laughs.)
All in all...
(Jack frowns as he opens a package of Alka-Seltzer.)
Made ya wonder if the man ever went to high school.
(Jack tosses the tablets into the glass of water, with a "whoosh" and "fizz" sound effect. He frowns at the boys as he takes a sip.)

(Close shot of the back of a piece of paper. A circled red "D" is visible in the corner of it.)
(V/O): A "D"!
(The paper is lowered to reveal Jack frowning at Kevin.)
How could ya get a "D"?
(Jack is at the kitchen table with the adding machine. Kevin is standing in front of him. Norma is at the sink.)
(Kevin rolls up the cuff on his flannel shirt.)
Well, I don't know, Dad - the test was hard.
Tests are supposed to be hard, Kevin. (Frowns.) How'd this happen?
I dunno.
(Kevin looks down as he continues to fix his shirt.)
Maybe I was just...
(Kevin glances at Jack and shrugs slightly.)
(Kevin looks down again.)
Maybe you were tired...(frowns)...because you've been hanging out too late, celebrating basketball victories.
He had me nailed. This called for a brilliant tactical move on my part.
You're absolutely right, Dad.
(Jack relaxes slightly.)
Ya gotta be more sensible.
I will - I promise.
(Jack looks at the test.)
(Kevin backs up slowly.)
So, uh...
(Kevin hurriedly gets his jacket from the wall hook.)
(Kevin starts to cross to the door.)
I'll seeya later.
Where the hell are you goin'?
To the game...(Gestures.)
(Jack takes a breath, and looks at Kevin.)
Fact. When you're sixteen...your sense of irony isn't particularly well-developed.
Oh, come on, Dad. (Shrugs.) If we win this one, we'll go to the state tournament! (Gestures and smiles.)
Did you hear a word of what I just said?
Jack, maybe we should let him go...
(Kevin looks over his shoulder as Norma approaches.)
He's only young once.
And there...finally. A blow for the cause of freedom.
(Jack looks down and frowns as Norma sets a cup in front of him. She puts an arm on his shoulder and looks toward Kevin as Jack sighs.)
I owed her my eternal gratitude. My undying respect.
(Kevin smiles slightly and waves slightly with his jacket.)
Thanks, Mom! Seeya, Dad!
(Kevin hurries to the door.)
But then...
(Jack and Norma look after Kevin.)
I was in a hurry.
(Norma looks at Jack and frowns slightly as the door slams closed.)

(At a pep-rally for the basketball team.)
It was the most amazing thing any of us had ever been a part of.
(Cut to shot of Jack's hand pushing some buttons on the adding machine, and a glass of Alka-Seltzer next to it. Jack reaches for the glass. The camera pans up as he takes a drink.)
Almost any of us, anyway.
(Kevin approaches from the living room, putting on his jacket hurriedly.)
Seeya, Dad.
W-a-i-t a minute...
(Kevin pauses and turns. Jack looks at the adding machine and makes notes.)
Where are you goin'?
(Jack frowns at the adding machine.)
I gotta go meet the guys...on the bus. To the arena?
(Jack turns toward him and frowns.)
Dad, the big game's tonight. (Frowns.)
(Jack looks off in thought, and nods slightly. Kevin turns toward the door.)
Wait a minute. Did you finish your homework?
Oh, brother.
(Kevin glances off.)
Well...no...(gestures)...But I was gonna do it when I got home.
(Jack looks at him and frowns.)
But it was clear, it was going to take an impassioned plea here to turn the great curmudgeon around.
Dad, this is important, OK?
(Jack frowns at Kevin.)
I mean, twenty years from now, I'm not gonna remember my homework. But this game...this is something I'm gonna tell my children about. Maybe even my grandchildren.
(Jack looks off in thought. Kevin looks at Jack expectantly.)
There. Worthy of the Gettysburg Address.
Fine, then.
Great. (Smiles.)
I'll take you.
(Jack frowns and looks toward the adding machine.)
What? (Frowns.)
This way, you can finish your homework...and still make the tip-off.
Yeah, but Dad...(gestures)...the guys are expecting me!
Besides, you say this team is that good...maybe I oughtta take a look. (Shrugs.) See what all the fuss is about. What d'ya say? (Smiles.)
(Kevin looks uncomfortably at Jack.)
So what could I say? Except...
Sure, Dad.
(He forces a smile.)
That sounds...great.
(Sound of Jack cranking the handle on the adding machine.)
(Cut to the game. Kevin and Jack as they walk toward stands.)
And there ya had it. Possibly the biggest night of my high school's life...
(They pause and look around.)
And I was arriving with...
Big, huh?
My own personal truant officer.
(Kevin looks off and frowns.)
What'd you expect?
(V/O): Hey!
(Paul is standing and waving with both arms. Chuck and Winnie are sitting with him in seats a few rows away.)
Kev! We got some seats over here. (Points.)
Oh, great. (Smiles.)
(Jack starts to walk forward.)
Uh, Dad? Let's sit over here. (Gestures.)
(Jack shrugs and nods slightly. Kevin looks at Paul.)
No, thanks - we got two over here!
(Jack smiles and waves a little and heads for a seat. Paul shrugs then starts to sit down.)
Which is not to say that I was embarrassed to be seen with the guy.
(Kevin sidesteps across the aisle sits next to Jack. They sit simultaneously.)
Even though I was.
(Buzzer sounds.)
Game's gonna start. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks off and continues to smile. Kevin looks a little puzzled.)
Yep, this was great - just me and...Mr. Basketball.
(The game starts.)
Still...once the game started...a funny thing began to to happen.
(Bobby makes a basket. Cheerleaders cheer in the background.)
(PA): Bobby Riddle...two points!
(Kevin and Jack clap. Jack leans toward Kevin slightly.)
He's got a good shot.
I told ya so!
(Jack looks toward the game.)
My dad began to get swept up by Bobby Riddle's magic.
(More of the game. Bobby and shoots a lay-up. The camera pans up with him, and is directly under the basket as the ball drops through.)
(Kevin and Jack watching excitedly. Jack whistles.)
(More game.)
And the way Bobby played...pretty soon, we were cheering together.
(More game.)
Till finally...Dad was even asking the same questions we'd all been asking.
How'd he do that? (Smiles.)
Sure, the game was close, but Bobby was incredible. He just couldn't miss.
(His shot is blocked.)
Until he did.
He'll make the next one.
After all...we hadn't come this far to blow it now. We had destiny on our side.
(Bobby makes a jump-shot. Kevin and Jack smile and clap.)
Then we went into half-time all tied up.
(Cut to the snackbar.)
So what do you want on your hotdog? (Smiles.)
I'll have the works.
(Paul and Chuck approach from the background.)
Hey, Kev! (Smiles.)
Man, this is close.
I'm not that worried.
Did you see that lay-up Bobby made from behind the basket?!
The guy's amazing.
OK - we were all in agreement. To a man.
So, Mr. Arnold...What do you think?
I don't know...(Smiles.) I just hope Southwestern doesn't have Bobby's number.
(Paul and Chuck frown slightly.)
What are you talkin' about? (Smiles.) The guys got like...nineteen points. (Frowns.)
Yeah, but that was before they double-teamed 'em. Looks like they'll keep two men on Bobby, and use the three-man zone to defend the rest of the team.
(Kevin, Paul and Chuck frown.)
And in the face of this sage piece of basketball wisdom...there was only one response.
I think we'd better get back to the seats. (Frowns.)
Yeah. Seeya.
(Kevin smiles slightly in acknowledgment. Paul and Chuck frown then turn and walk away. Chuck looks at Paul.)
Jeez - what's his problem?
I couldn't believe it.
(Kevin turns to Jack who is holding the tray of food.)
You say "the works"? (Smiles.)
Here I'd been nice enough to bring this guy along...practically dragged him to the game...
(Jack is standing at the condiment table.)
And he had the nerve to stand around and pop my balloon?
Nice goin', Dad!
(Jack looks up.)
(Jack resumes fixing his hotdog, and sucks something off his thumb.)
Ya have to spoil everything! (Gestures.)
(Jack looks at Kevin and pauses.)
I was just talkin' about strategy. (Gestures.)
You have to put everything down! I mean, you just can't stand it if I'm having a good time!
(Kevin walks off.)
Can ya?
(Jack frowns and looks off.)
(Cut to Kevin in his seat.)
OK - so maybe I'd flown off the handle.
(Jack scooches into the frame. Kevin looks at him.)
A little. I wasn't sorry.
(Jack crosses in front of Kevin to his seat.)
I was just waiting for my team...
(Jack grimaces as he sits down.)
To show this stick-in-the-mud how wrong he was.
(Jack holds the tray toward Kevin who takes a cup from it and sets it between his feet. Jack looks at him.)
(PA): Here we go with the second half!
(The game starts. Bobby is double-teamed and drives forward to split the defenders.)
And I knew Bobby wouldn't let me down.
(He shoots an awkward left-handed shot which misses.)
Only somehow...
(Fade to a defender swatting the ball away from Bobby.)
Things went wrong. It was if the other team followed my father's strategy to the "T".
(Another shot by Bobby is blocked.)
And the more my team fell behind...the more I resented my Dad.
(Bobby pulls up for a jump-shot.)
I guess magic doesn't last forever...no matter how much you wish it would. Destiny can turn on a dime...
(Bobby's shot bounces off the rim.)
And cut like a knife.
(More shots of the opposing team making baskets.)
That night a high school dream of victory came true. But not for us. And as they pumped in point after point...Bobby Riddle's season of glory ended...in defeat.
(Bobby turns away as the final buzzer sounds. Southwestern cheerleaders, players, and fans storm onto the court.)
(PA): The final score...Southwestern Bengals 76, McKinley Knights 65. Thank you...
(Fade to the Knight mascot walking slowly with his helmet off, along the row of chairs at the side of the court and passing Bobby. The gym is now silent and empty. Kevin is looking toward Bobby, while Jack looks off in the other direction.)
We sat there for a long time. I just wasn't ready to leave. Somehow I just couldn't quite believe it was over.
(Kevin walks toward Bobby, and Jack looks after him.)
Besides, I figured, we'd stuck together in victory, we'd stick together in defeat.
(Bobby slowly looks up at him.)
You played a good game, man. (Smiles.)
(Bobby looks off.)
It wasn't your fault.
(Bobby shakes his head very slightly.)
They had their whole team on you. Besides, we wouldn't have even gotten this far if it wasn't for you.
It was a homage to a guy I really admired. A real hero.
(Kevin's face clouds slightly.)
Hey, get off my back, will ya, kid?
(Bobby gets up and walks away, disgustedly throwing his towel to the floor.)
I'll never forget how I felt at that moment. I wanted to crawl under the floorboards. And I was sure that everyone in that arena...
(Kevin quickly glances over his shoulder.)
Had heard.
(Jack is standing alone with his hands in his jacket pockets, looking at Kevin.)
And everyone had.
(Fade to shot through the car windshield of Kevin and Jack. Kevin is looking off.)
Things were pretty quite heading home.
(Jack looks at Kevin, then forward again.)
There wasn't much to say.
(Kevin looks forward, then out his window.)
I'd made an idiot of myself. I knew it...
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
And worse - I knew he knew it, too.
(Jack looks forward.)
Tell ya what. There's a diner a few miles up here. Mind if we stop for a cup of coffee?
(Kevin looks forward, then off.)
Sure, Dad.
Why not?
(Cut to Rae's Diner.)
I'd always heard coffee went well with crow.
(Jack and Kevin have a cup of coffee on the table. Kevin is looking off.)
The thing is, I wasn't sure which he was gonna do first...
(Jack takes a sip.)
Bust me for being a snotty-nosed wiseguy...
(Jack looks down in thought.)
Or gloat about the game.
Ya know, Kev...
My guess was...gloat.
(Jack looks off.)
They really didn't play that bad.
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Your team.
(Jack looks off again.)
They gave it a pretty good shot, right?
Dad - they got creamed.
And that Bobby kid...
(Jack looks down slightly.)
He did OK. Don't ya think?
(Jack looks at Kevin. Kevin rolls his eyes.)
I mean, good ball-handler...
(Jack looks down slightly.)
Tough from the corner. And that...(frowns)...little loopy jump-shot...
(Jack mouths "ooh" and shakes his head slightly, then looks down. Kevin looks down in thought.)
And that's when I realized, he wasn't just gonna gloat...
(Kevin glances at Jack, then frowns and looks off.)
He was gonna take Bobby Riddle and rub him into me till I -
(Kevin turns toward Jack.)
Look, Dad.
(Jack turns toward Kevin. Kevin looks down.)
In the first place...
(Kevin looks at Jack.)
Bobby stunk, OK? In the second place, he's not that good - he was never that good, OK? So, I'm sorry you had to waste your time coming down.
(Kevin looks off.)
I'm sorry about the test...I'm...sorry...
(Kevin pauses, then shrugs.)
I'm sorry we can't all be like you!
(Kevin looks at Jack. Jack looks down at his coffee, chuckles, then shakes his head and takes a sip.)
Something funny? (Gestures.)
Nah, it's just...you're a hard man to please, you know that? (Smiles.)
And then that man..."Mr. Pencil stubs and Alka-Seltzer"..."Mr. Pay the bills and go to work"...said something I'll never forget.
hero (Jack looks down, then forward in thought.)
Let me tell ya something, Kev...
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
It's not easy being a hero.
And I knew he wasn't talking about Bobby Riddle. He was talking...about himself.
(Jack takes a sip.)
(Jack turns toward Kevin.)
I guess it isn't.
(Jack looks at Kevin, then forward in thought.)
You know how I knew they were gonna double-team 'em?
(Jack turns in his seat to face Kevin.)
Use that three-man zone?<BR> diner (Shot through the diner window of Kevin and Jack sitting face-to-face, as Jack speaks. The camera pulls up and back slowly.)
Some heroes pass through your life and disappear in a flash. You get over it. But the good ones, the real ones, the ones who count - stay with you for the long haul.
(The diner sign, "Rae's", and a car in the parking lot come in to view as the camera continues moving back and up.)
The thing is, after all these years, I couldn't tell you the score of that game.
(A car pulls into the empty parking space outside Kevin and Jack's window.)
What I remember is...sitting in that diner, up late...being young...
(The camera stops moving back as the driver gets out of his car and walks across the front of diner.)
Drinking coffee with the only real hero I ever knew. My Dad - Jack Arnold. Number one.


(Ep 88 - "Carnal Knowledge")

(Kevin, Ricky and Chuck decided to sneak into a theater to see an R-rated movie. Now, Kevin is eating dinner.)
And with that, we were on our way. The plan was set. The coast was clear.
Jack? Let's go see a movie tonight.
Just one little roadblock.
What's playin'?
I think it's called "Carnal Knowledge".
"Carnal Knowledge"? (Frowns.)
This was bad. If there was one thing could kill a night with the guys, it was a night with the guy's parents.
What's it about?
Oh, it's about...relationships.
I think Ann-Margaret's in it. (Smiles.)
Oh? What time does it start?
It starts really late. Unless ya make the early show - which ya already missed.
OK - I was reaching. I had to do something.
And, and can you believe the tickets? They're up to three bucks a piece. Not to mention the popcorn.
What popcorn? (Frowns.)
Fifty cents. Each.
(Jack frowns. Sound of a cash register.)
Kevin! (Frowns.)
Oh - and ya know what I heard, Dad? Uh, there's gonna be a John Wayne film festival on channel nine, tonight. (Smiles.)
(Jack smiles slightly at Kevin.)
(Jack looks thoughtfully at Norma.)
Norma, um...
(He wipes his mouth with a napkin.)
What'd ya say we skip the movie...stay home...make our own popcorn? (Smiles.)
(Norma pauses, slightly disappointed.)
That'd be fine. (Smiles.)
(Norma looks at Kevin with disbelief.)

(Paul dropped by late at night, and told Kevin he and Beth had sex.)
It was incredible. Paul Pfeiffer had come to me in the middle of the night...with the biggest news of our lives. Well, his anyway.
So...how did it happen? Exactly.
And, like all best friends, I needed the low-down.
(Jack approaches in the doorway.)
Paul? What are you doin' here at this hour?
Uh...nothing. I was...just visiting.
Oh...well don't stay up too late.
Sure, Dad.
G'night. (Exits.)

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 89 - "The Lost Weekend")

Sometimes, Mother Nature, in all her wry sense of humor...goes off and creates...
(In the bathroom, Kevin is brushing his hair as Wayne brushes his teeth.)
Move, butthead.
Total and complete opposites.
Try to get some toothpaste in your mouth - it might help, buttbreath.
(Wayne brushes his teeth, and spits in the sink.)
Like me and my brother, Wayne. It was hard to believe we ever occupied the same womb.
That's disgusting. (Frowns.)
Where's the deodorant?
You haven't even showered yet.
Well, I'm...dry-cleaning.
(Wayne sticks the deodorant under his robe and applies it.)
The only thing we had in common...was our complete and utter contempt for one another.
(Wayne flaps his arms, then puts the cap on the deodorant and tosses it into the drawer. Kevin frowns.)
You're really gross. You know that?
So? (Shrugs.)
(Jack approaches.)
Wayne?! How many times I have to tell ya to leave my things alone?
I'm sorry, Dad. Uh, it'll never happen again.
(Jack frowns, sighs, and walks away.)

(Jack enters the kitchen hurriedly.)
You got the wedding invitation, Norma?
(Norma is at the sink stirring a bowl.)
It's in my beauty-case, honey.
We should take Route 93 through Hutsonville and avoid the traffic.
I can't believe that Iris is finally getting married.
April, 1972. History was being made. For the first time in our lives, our parents were leaving us alone for the weekend. To us it meant freedom, independence.
Boys? The white casserole dish is for tonight, and the cold-cuts are for Saturday.
And, of course, instructions.
Right, Mom. (Nods.)
There's a list of chores on the fridge. I want them done when we get back.
Right, Dad. (Smiles.)
And Wayne...don't leave your towels by the heater while we're gone...(Nods.)
I won't! (Nods.)
(Jack looks up from the map toward Wayne.)
You did last week, and look what happened.
(Jack looks down at the map.)
W-I put it out!
Honey - we better go.
And you have the number where we'll be...
Right, Mom.
Right, Mom.
(Jack walks toward the door with a large valise.)
And don't forget those chores!
(Norma opens the door and exits. Jack pauses behind her and looks toward the boys.)
And don't tie up the line in case we want to call you.
(Jack takes a step through the door, then pauses and looks back at the boys.)
And I don't want a lot of kids over here while we're gone this weekend - ya got that?!
Dad! We're not babies, anymore - we can take care of ourselves.
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Well, in a manner of speaking, anyway.
(Jack sighs and exits.)
Don't worry, Dad...I'll look after him...
(Jack leans in and frowns. Cut to the driveway. Jack puts the valise in the open trunk, and Norma walks to the passenger side. Kevin and Wayne are at the edge of the driveway.)
Not that as loyal loving children we weren't going to miss our parents...
Dad? (Smiles.)
(Jack pauses at the open door.)
You gonna give us any money? (Gestures.)
(Jack turns and sighs, as Wayne approaches him.)
Here's a twenty. It's the smallest I got. Split it. (Nods.)
Thanks. (Smiles.)
(Wayne chuckles and turns away.)
Are you sure you two boys are gonna be alright?
Yeah, Mom. Have a good time. (Gestures.)
Yeah. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. (Laughs.)
(Jack looks over his shoulder at Wayne, then gets in the car. Kevin and Wayne smile and wave.)
And with that...
(Norma leans out her window as the car pulls forward.)
Don't be late for school!
My parents were gone. Leaving us to defend the Arnold family fortress.


(Outside, the morning after the party. Jack and Norma are due back in about 6 hours. The house is a mess. Kevin is trying to clean it, as Wayne is leaving.)
Wayne! Wayne, come on - you gotta help me!
I actually think this is gonna be good for you.
And I guess that's when I realized...Wayne Arnold - my brother, my own flesh-and-blood, had the heart...of a toadstool.
Fine! If you don't want to help me, then I'll do it myself! (Gestures.)
(Wayne smiles, and looks down, shaking his head.)
Hey, I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone.
(Sound of a car horn. Kevin and Wayne look toward the street as Jack's car approaches.)
Except maybe a priest.
(Jack slows and turns into the driveway.)
Or a registered nurse.
Boy...this really isn't your day.
(Wayne raises his arm over his head and waves.)
(Norma and Jack are near the trunk, as Jack opens it.)
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. You guys are home a bit early.
Well, you know your father...
(Norma smiles and turns to Jack, and pats him on the back of the head.)
Yeah, good old Dad.
Everything OK?
Yeah. Everything's fine.
(Wayne turns over his shoulder to Kevin.)
How about you, Kev? (Smiles.)
But somehow...there were just no words to express it.
(Kevin shrugs and smiles. Norma approaches, kissing Wayne and Kevin on the cheek, then passing the camera. Jack approaches.)
Well, I'm goin' in. You boys bring in the luggage. It's good to be home.
And so, it came down to this. A tragic end to the age of innocence. A farewell to the era...
(Wayne approaches with the large valise and a smaller bag.)
Of parental trust.
(Wayne pauses, and waits for Kevin to look at him.)
Maybe they won't notice.
(Wayne laughs as he holds out the bags, giving Kevin the larger one, then passes the camera. Kevin hesitates, then follows.)
The thing is...I was prepared for the yelling, screaming, the gnashing of teeth.
(Kevin enters and pauses next to Wayne. Norma picks up a couch cushion and shakes it.)
But what I wasn't prepared for was...
(Jack takes a few steps, looking over his shoulder around the room.)
The complete and utter silence.
(Jack leans down to the coffee table, holds up a piece of pizza with a cigarette stuck in it, and looks at it. Norma turns toward the boys, frowning.)
What happened?!
Well, maybe this was justice.
(Wayne turns to Kevin and smiles slightly.)
A pay-back for all the times I'd laughed at Wayne when he got in trouble.
(Jack looks at the pizza.)
I don't believe this. (Frowns.)
In any case...
(Jack looks toward Norma.)
There was no way out.
Look...Dad. I know you're angry...And...
(Jack looks at him, frowning.)
You have every right to be, because...
(Jack takes his hand out of his pocket and points at Kevin.)
You stay out of this! (Frowns.)
(Jack looks down, then at Wayne.)
Wayne...(Frowns.) How could you do somethin' like this?!
What?! (Frowns.)
(Jack frowns at Wayne.)
Wayne! I want an answer - I want an answer now!
Course, he should have told. It was the moment he had been waiting for his whole life.
I'm sorry.
(Wayne nods slightly, then shakes his head.)
It'll never happen again.
(Jack frowns at Wayne.)
But he didn't. I'm not sure why he didn't. Maybe he saw it was futile to try to explain. Maybe he knew how much harder my parents would be on me than on him. Or maybe he forgot, and though he really did it.
(Jack frowns at Wayne.)
We'll talk about this later, Wayne. Right now...
(Jack points at the floor.)
Start cleaning this mess up.
(Wayne nods slightly and looks down. Jack walks toward the kitchen.)

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 90 - "Stormy Weather")

(Karen rings the doorbell in the middle of the night, during a heavy rainstorm.)
Honey? (Frowns.)
What time is it?
Karen, are you alright? (Frowns.)
I'm fine, Mom. Can I come in?
Of course...
(Karen enters.)
Like I said...we weren't exactly strangers to midnight crises.
Honey, you're soaked...
Yeah. I know, Mom.
How did you get here?
Uh, my friend Robin gave me a ride. Do you have any tea? (Frowns.)
Oh, yeah...(Frowns.)

(Later, in the kitchen.)
Karen, what happened?
Nothing happened. Mom? Do we have any herbal?
Here, honey - I'll get it. It's up here.
Well, somethin' must have happened...it's...two o'clock in the morning. (Gestures.)
Did you and Michael have a fight?
Something like that.
A fight - what kind of fight? (Frowns.)
Daddy, I really don't want to talk about it, OK?
(Wayne enters.)
Do we have any pretzels?
Wait a minute. What do you mean, you don't want to talk about it? You show up soakin' wet, freezing, in the middle of the night...
Jack...she's upset. (Frowns.)
Thats right. I'm going to bed. (Exits.)
(Jack looks after her, slightly puzzled.)

(Later, everyone is in the doorway of Karen's room.)
In one burst of confusion...Karen had blown back into our house and completely rearranged our lives.
At least let me get you an extra blanket, honey...
No, Mom...I'll - I'll be fine.
Karen! (Frowns.)
Look...(frowns)...I'm tired, and I'm wet, and I don't want to talk about it anymore...(Nods.) OK?
The weird thing was...
None of us had any idea why.


(Morning in the kitchen.)
I did not.
Ya did so.
That wasn't me...
Yes it was, troll. You snore tonight, you lose your tongue.
Me? What about you?
(They start to slap each others hands.)
Hey. Hey! Hey!!
(They look at Jack and settle down.)
Knock it off.
All in all, it was kind of a restless night.
(Karen enters.)
For some of us, anyway.
Good morning, honey. How'd ya sleep?
So, Karen...what happened last night?
Michael and I got into an argument.
D'you guys have any orange juice? (Frowns.)
Look - It's really very simple...I just decided things weren't working between me and Michael. So, I'm moving out.
(Wayne, Kevin and Jack look at each other.)
Now, considering Karen had been shacking up with the guy for a year...this was no small news.
Honey...does this mean you're gonna be moving back into the college dorms? (Frowns.)
Not exactly. (Frowns.) As a matter of fact...(gestures)...I was thinking of moving back here. (Nods.)
(K & W): What?!
(Jack frowns heavily.)
I'm goin' out to the garage. (Exits.)
Needless to say, it was a decision not without repercussions. For all of us.
(Jack looks at Norma.)
What's goin' on, here?
I'm not sure she knows what she's doing. (Frowns.)
Well...somebody better go talk to her.
After all, moving out was one thing...moving back in was quite another.
(Jack sighs and sets his cup down.)
I'll talk to her.

(In the garage. Kevin and Wayne watch from the window in the door.)
Ahem. Karen? (Smiles.) What are you doing?
Did you guys throw out my Jefferson Airplane poster?
(Jack glances off briefly.)
I'm not sure.
(He shakes his head and frowns slightly.)
I just wanted to hang it back on my wall.
Yeah, well, about that, Karen...
(Jack looks down, then frowns heavily and looks at Karen.)
You know everybody has fights. That happens to everybody. (Smiles.)
Yeah. Michael is the most chauvinistic, pig-headed...closed-minded man I've ever met.
Uh-huh. We were off to a great start.
Listen, Karen...I know you're upset and everything, but...
(Jack looks down, then at Karen.)
Are you sure you want to come back here? (Gestures.)
Why, is that a problem?
Uh, no!
(He shakes his head slightly.)
No, it's just...
(Jack looks down again, then looks quickly at Karen.)
What about college? (Gestures.) I mean, you got your classes, and...
Daddy, don't worry about that...(gestures)...I'll figure it out. I mean, right now, I just wanna, you know, take some time...(gestures)...think things over...
(Jack looks off and frowns slightly.)
Take the summer to get things straight, OK?
Well, that...(Nods.)
(He looks at Karen.)
Sounds reasonable. (Smiles.)
Translation...Wayne and I were condemned to one room.
Look, Dad...the last thing...(gestures)...I wanted to do is drag you in the middle of this thing between me and Michael.
Well...that's OK.
So, I was wondering...could you go up there and get my stuff? (Shrugs.)
(Sound of a penalty buzzer.)
And suddenly...
(Sound of the "ding-dong" of a doorbell. Cut to Karen and Michael's house as the door is opened.)
The plot began to thicken.
(Michael looks through the screen-door at Kevin, Wayne and Jack.)
(ALL): Hi.
It's us. (Smiles.)
Where's Karen?
She, ummm...
(Jack glances at the boys.)
She couldn't be here.
She kinda asked us to, uh...
We came to get her loot.
(Kevin elbows Wayne.)
Well, we did, didn't we? (Frowns.)
And with that...
(Cut to the foyer as Kevin enters and looks around.)
We were through the gates and onto the deck.
(Wayne follows Kevin in, carrying empty boxes.)
Of the Titanic.
(Sound of a deep ship's horn. Jack approaches next to Wayne, looks off, and frowns. The living room is a mess.)
Oh, brother...
Looked kinda like Heartbreak Hotel.
Sorry about the mess. I wasn't expecting...(shrugs)...company.
Look, we don't wanna put ya out - we just wanna get Karen's things.
Well, most of her things are upstairs... but, uh...
That'll be fine.
(Jack picks up an empty box.)
Let's go.

(In the bedroom, Jack holds a box, looking at Michael, slightly uneasy.)
(Jack closes his eyes briefly.)
You think you can help us out with this?
Course it was pretty clear...the guy really didn't have a choice.
Well...(Sighs.) She keeps most her things in there. The top two drawers.
(Jack frowns and walks toward a chest of drawers.)
And with that, we crossed the Rubicon.
(Jack opens a drawer. Squeaky "Twilight Zone" music plays.)
And reached...
(Jack frowns in mild shock.)
The wall...of underwear.
(Cut to the sidewalk. Jack has the car trunk open as Michael trots down the steps.)
Still, an hour later...
(Jack closes the trunk.)
We were on our way.
Let's get outta here. (Gestures.)
(Jack starts to get his keys.)
With Karen's life...in boxes.
(Michael approaches.)
Mr. Arnold, wait! I can't let you do this.
(Jack looks off and gestures toward the car, then looks at Michael.)
marry We're goin'. (Nods.)
Fine, then...I'll go with you.
(Jack glances at the kids. Kevin and Wayne look at each other. Jack looks at Michael.)
Uh-uh. (Frowns.)
Well, I just can't let this happen, can I? I mean, just because we had an argument...
(Jack frowns and looks uneasily at the boys.)
Doesn't mean you move out of someone's life, do ya?
(Jack frowns and looks down.)
I mean, you know how she is. She's stubborn, and...pig-headed...(gestures)...she won't listen to anybody. What would you do? (Gestures.)
(Jack frowns as he opens his mouth and pauses.)
Now understand...my dad was a patient man. A private man. A good man.
(Jack looks down and puts his hand in his pocket, looking uncomfortable.)
But he was no Ann Landers.
(Jack looks at Michael.)
Look, Michael...(gestures)...what you do is your business. All I know is I never wanted you two...(gestures)...livin' like this in the first place.
(He raises his eyebrows and gestures with both arms.)
And with that...we'd reached the bottom line.
Yeah, neither did I.
(Jack pauses and frowns at Michael, then approaches him.)
What did you say? (Frowns.)
Well, that's what the fight was about. (Frowns.) Didn't she tell you? I wanted to marry her. (Nods.)
(Jack frowns at Michael, then glances at the boys. Cut to the Arnold kitchen as Kevin enters.)
Hi, Mom!
Hi, honey! (Smiles.) Just in time to eat.
(Jack enters, carrying a box.)
Two hours later we were home with the goods.
Did you get all my things?
Yeah, I think we got everything.
(Jack smiles at Karen, and glances at Kevin.)
Yep. Books, records...
(Jack looks toward Norma.)
(Norma looks toward the window, then at Jack, slightly puzzled. Karen turns toward Jack and frowns slightly.)
Plus a few things...
(Jack and Kevin look at each other uneasily.)
That maybe weren't on the list.
(Michael enters. Karen frowns and looks down.)
(Jack frowns and looks down. Karen looks off, drops some silverware into the drawer next to her, and looks at Jack.)
I don't believe you. (Exits.)

(Michael has invited himself to dinner. Karen is not at the table.)
You know, Michael, I...really wasn't expecting you here. (Smiles.)
Yeah...I guess not. (Snorts.)
(Jack chuckles, then smiles and nods uncomfortably at Michael, then looks at Norma.)
So...(smiles)...why are you here? (Nods.)
Simple. Uh, Dad invited him.
(Jack frowns and quickly looks at Wayne.)
What?! (Frowns.)
(Jack smiles uncomfortably at Norma.)
No, Norma. I, uh...didn't...
(Jack looks off and hesitates, then looks at Norma.)
Invite him.
(He shrugs and smiles slightly.)
No, he didn't invite me. (Smiles.)
Yeah. Mom, he just...
(Karen approaches behind Norma.)
And it was time for another lovebird serenade.
Hi. Look, Karen...why don't we take a walk and talk this over?
There's nothing to talk about.
What does that mean? (Frowns.)
Karen...all I did...(frowns)...was ask you to marry me.
(Norma is looking down, then she looks at Michael, slightly surprised.)
I beg your pardon?
Norma, I was gonna...
Fine, Michael. You want to talk about it? (Frowns.) Let's talk about it. Marriage is an antiquated, male-centered institution. And...(frowns)...I don't believe in it!

(Karen asked Michael to leave, which he did. Now, Michael has returned in the middle of the night, and drops a rolled up tent onto the front lawn. The Arnold's are watching from the windows.)
It was kinda like watching the Marines land at Omaha beach.
What's this all about?
How should I know?
He's pitchin' that damn tent.
(Karen knocks on the glass.)
Michael? Michael. Have you lost your mind? Michael!
But somehow, the guy didn't appear in the mood for conversation.
(Michael hammers a stake into the ground.)
He's lost it. (Frowns.)
You're tellin' me.
I think you better do something, Jack.
(Jack looks out the window and chuckles as he frowns.)
He's not gonna listen to me.

(Later, Jack approaches Karen at the window. They look at Michael standing outside in the heavy rain, looking toward the house.)
I thought you went back to bed.
I did. I just - I couldn't sleep. This is insane. (Nods.)
And we all knew it was. I guess love always is.
He's just standing there. What is he doing?
Well, for one thing - he's gettin' pretty wet. I'll tell ya somethin', though...any guy who'd go through all this...then stand out there in the rain...must be really crazy about you. (Frowns.)
Daddy, what am I supposed to do?
But the fact was...
(Jack looks toward the others and takes a breath.)
We'd done just about everything any family could. From now on...it was out of our hands.

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 91 - "The Wedding")

(Outside the church. Karen did not like the minister, or Norma's wedding plans. Michael slows up.)
Mr. Arnold? Do you think you could...(Gestures.)
(Jack raises both arms.)
Ah, ah, ah. Don't ask me - I just pay the bills. (Exits.)
This is going great, so far - don't you think?
Mmmmm. I know what you mean. You want me to talk to him?
No. (Frowns.) It doesn't make sense. Why can't we just get married...(gestures)...and go on with our lives? (Exits.)
But even I knew enough about weddings to know they weren't about getting married.
(Cut to the tuxedo rental store. Kevin, Wayne and Jack face a full-length mirror, adjusting their suits.)
tux91 They were more about...
I feel like a monkey. (Gestures.)
Making total fools of ourselves.
You look like a monkey.
In public.
Just do this...for your sister.
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
It'll make her happy. (Frowns.)

(In the living room, Norma has made tailoring adjustments to her own wedding dress, which Karen is wearing.)
So, Michael...how are things going up at the house?
Oh. Well, I've just about finished up the carpentry work. So...the owner's gonna try to sell it.
You mean ya gotta move out? (Frowns.) What are ya gonna do for a job?
Well, I've been...looking around. For other work. In fact, we've...actually...(gestures)...we've been meaning to -
Michael! (Frowns.)
Now, it was pretty clear something was up, here.
(Jack looks at Karen and frowns slightly.)
Something big.
(Jack glances at Michael, then Karen.)
Why haven't you told us?
And as usual...Mom nailed it.
Cause if you two need a place to stay...you can stay with us. (Smiles.)
Jack...maybe you could check for openings at NORCOM...
(Jack looks at Michael, slightly worried, as he stands up.)
And that's when the lid blew off.
Mother, no! (Frowns.) I can't do this! I-I can't wear this dress...and I can't have this kind of wedding! We have to do it our own way. (Frowns.) Can't you understand that?!
And finally...the truth had been told.

(In the car.)
That weekend we set off for the first marriage in my family's brief history.
You know, Jack...maybe it's better that Karen's having the kind of wedding she really wants.
I think so.
Little did my parents know their only daughter was about to be whisked away to an igloo, in the land of the midnight sun.
Do you have the check, honey?
(Jack pats his jacket pocket.)
Right here.
(Wayne leans forward.)
Check? What check? (Frowns.)
For Karen and Michael. A little wedding gift.
How much is it?
Never mind. It's for a down payment when they find a house.
But as much as I wanted to stay out of this...I knew somebody had to break the news.
Mom? Dad? Listen.
About...Karen and Michael.
What about 'em?
(Kevin glances off.)
Great gift. (Smiles.)
It just didn't seem like my place to tell them.
(Cut to Karen and Michael's house as Jack knocks on the door.)
And so, we arrived.
(Jack turns from the door, puts his hands in his pockets, and looks down.)
Well? This is it.
I just...hope this whole thing is legal.
Oh, don't worry, honey. (Smiles.) Karen said she found an ordained minister.
maharishi (An East Indian maharishi - in a white shirt and maroon turban - opens the door and raises his arms. He speaks with a heavy accent.)
Ah...welcome, welcome. (Gestures.)
(Jack and Norma frown at him off-screen, Norma slightly puzzled, Jack more so.)
To the happiness and joy that was...and is to be. Yes?


(During the party the night before the wedding, Karen is just about to tell Jack and Norma about going to Alaska, as Jack taps his glass with a spoon, and stands up.)
Excuse me...(gestures)...but I have something I have to say. Uh...ya know...this has been a heck of a day. (Smiles.) I mean...seein' the way you live...and meetin' your friends. I guess we never really had the time before...(nods)...but I hope that can change, now. (Smiles.) You know...
(Jack looks down and hesitates, then looks at Karen.)
I don't know when you grew up, Karen. (Smiles.) But we're very proud of the way you did. And, Michael...Norma and I both feel lucky...that you're joining our family.
All in all, it may have been the best speech Dad ever made.
So...we, um...
(Jack pauses and Norma looks at him. Jack perks up and gestures.)
We have a little something...
(Jack reaches down for his jacket.)
To help you get started.

(Jack and Norma find out about Alaska from the decorations on the cake. Now, they are in the kitchen, upset, as Karen enters.)
Hi. (Gestures.) I didn't mean for you to find out this way. (Frowns.)
When were you gonna tell us? (Frowns.)
I don't know. (Smiles.) Tonight.
(She sighs and raises her eyebrows.)
(Karen looks down emotionally.)
I just...I didn't want to spoil everything.
Karen! We're your parents. (Gestures.) Don't you think we have a right to know? (Nods.)
(Jack puts a hand on her shoulder.)
Mom! This doesn't change anything. Michael and I have a life. You have to let us go.
In a way, it was a plea. From a child who'd grown up...and who's parents could never understand.
Know what I remember?
(Jack and Norma look at each other.)
I moved you a thousand miles away from home.
Look, honey...(sighs)...if you have to leave...we're not gonna stop you. But whereever you are...we will never, ever...let you go.

(During the ceremony the next day.)
I watched my mother send her firstborn child out into the world. And felt her sorrow. And her joy.
And who brought Karen into being and now presents her to be united with Michael?
Her mother, and I.
I watched my father give away his only girl...to a stranger he hardly knew.

(At night, Kevin joins Jack in the middle of the street, where Jack is looking off.)
What are you doin' out here?
I don't know...(shrugs)...nice night. (Smiles.)
Which way is Alaska, anyway? (Frowns.)
That way. (Points.)
(Jack glances at Kevin, uncertainly.)
I think.
(Jack puts his arm around Kevin's shoulder.)
Sounds like a pretty good place, huh?
And parents...filled with love and despair...held on to the past...and kept a quiet vigil, for the future.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 92 - "Back to the Lake")

Wayne, what's the matter with you?
None of your business, dork.
(To Jack): What is he, sick?
He got a job.
Your father found Wayne a position at NORCOM.
On the loading dock. (Frowns.)
You're kidding!
It was grim. Within hours of his graduation, my brother had been Shanghai'd by the American workforce.
Well, congratulations butthead. I'm sure it will be good for you.
Shut up, scrote.
Not that I wasn't sympathetic. Still, it was about time the Wayner got a taste of the old Puritan work ethic.
(Kevin sits at the table.)
Ah, come on Wayne, don't look so miserable. (He taps Wayne.)
One more word, and I swear I'll kill you.
Here you go, honey.
(Norma brings some food.)
I mean after all, this was Wayne's problem, not mine.
And how about you?
Until of course, it was.
You. What are you going to do for a summer job?
Well...uh...I, uh.
(Sound effects as Jack swats the folded newspaper down onto the table.)
Oh, God.
(Sound effects as Jack slides the paper toward Kevin.)
Here they came.
(Sound of gongs.)
Those two words which meant death to summer fun.
Start lookin'.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 94 - "Homecoming" )

(School parking lot. Winnie has just asked Kevin to pick her up at the baseball field, because she is embarrassed about the "Chong's Chinese" dragon on his car.)
It was my first taste of what they call "the working man's blues". Not that I was complaining, you understand...
(Cut to Jack entering the kitchen with his jacket over his shoulder. He sets his briefcase down.)
Hi, honey!
(Jack walks toward the table, and Norma approaches him.)
I had my father to do that.
How was work? Everything OK?
(She hands Jack a drink.)
Well, that's nice!
(Norma gestures as Jack sits down. Wayne enters.)
Hey, suckers! What's for dinner?
(Wayne moves to the refrigerator.)
Never mind - that's alright. I'll just make somethin' myself!
My brother, Wayne. He'd gone to work in the mail-room at Dad's company, NORCOM.
(Wayne pulls out some bread and mustard. Norma and Jack look at Wayne.)
Eighty-nine-fifty a week, take-home.
(Jack looks down and shakes his head.)
Don't forget to unwrap that before ya eat it.
(Wayne takes the milk from Kevin and taps him on the nose with it.)
Vanish, scrote! (Frowns and exits.)
And not only that, he'd moved into new digs. His own personal, customized, rat's nest. He was happy as a clam in mud.
(Norma and Jack look at each other. Wayne's music can be heard. Norma gestures with both arms.)
Well, I...guess it's only three for dinner. (Smiles.)
Nah, actually, I gotta go. (Frowns.)
(Jack turns away from the TV and looks down.)
Go where?
You know - out. I got things to do.
(Shot of the keys on the table. Jack snatches them away as Kevin reaches for them. The camera pans up to Jack, frowning.)
What kind of things?
Things, Dad. (Nods.)
Well, then...drive carefully.
Right, Dad. (Smiles.)
(Kevin walks away. Jack looks up.)
Don't get into trouble.
Right, Dad!
(Kevin steps out.)
And be home by eleven.
There it was. The boundless trust...of parents who loved me.
It was touching. Really.

(Arnold living room.)
David! Look at you!
Wart! Heh-heh.
medals (Jack walks forward smiling, and holds his hand out. Jack and Wart shake hands.)
It's good to see you!
Thanks. It's good to be back. (Smiles.)
Look at all those medals. Were you wounded?
(Norma touches one. Wart shrugs and smiles.)
Ah, it's nothin' really.
Yeah, Mom - he's fine. (Nods.)
Yeah! (Smiles.)
It was awesome. Wayne's pal, Dave Wirtshafter, had left for Vietnam a goofy kid...and he came back...a hero.
So...was it bad?
Well, you know...(Smiles.)
wart (Wart looks toward Kevin and nods.)
Hey, man! You haven't changed a bit! (Smiles.)
Yeah! Well, uh....I got my driver's license! (Smiles.) On the first try. (Smiles.)
That's great! (Smiles.)
(Kevin's smile fades slightly as he glances at Wart's medals, then off.)
Well...we're all very proud of you, son. Very proud.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 95 - "Fishing")

morning (In the early morning, Jack, Wayne and Kevin leave the house and walk to the car carrying fishing gear.)
Ever since there have been fathers and sons...there have been father-and-son traditions. Rituals that bond man to boy. And knit boy to man. In my family, there was one tradition that outranked all others in sheer gross ritual tonnage.
(Jack opens the trunk.)
The tri-annual Arnold three-day fishing trip.
(The guys unceremoniously dump everything into the trunk.)
Got everything?
I think so.
(Jack glances at them, then the trunk.)
Ah, lemme check.
(Jack straightens up the stuff in the trunk.)
Every few years, Dad would round up the poles and boots and his old Army tent from the attic...and pack us off for a weekend at Berlinger Falls. Not that we had a choice in the matter.
OK. Looks like we got it all. Everybody ready?
(Jack frowns at Wayne.)
Right, Dad. (Nods.) We're ready.
Good. Let's get started.
So, that fall of nineteen-seventy-two...we headed off for our first expedition since I was twelve.
(Kevin and Wayne jostle each other at the passenger door.)
I get the front seat.
I get the front. (Frowns.)
Just get in the car!
Fine. Then I get the back seat. (Laughs.) Sucker.
(Wayne flops into the back seat, puts his hands behind his head and laughs at Kevin.)
Butthead. (Frowns.)
The funny thing is...
(Kevin opens the front door and gets in.)
Of all the trips we ever made...
(Jack starts the car and begins to pull out of the driveway.)
It's the one I remember most. Not because it was the best...or the worst...
Are we there, yet?
Hey - just asking.
But because...it was the last.

(On the road.)
Gee, Dad...(frowns)...you think you could drive a little bit slower?
What are ya talkin' about? (Frowns.)
(Jack looks at the dashboard.)
I'm drivin' fifty-five.
Not that bickering in the bucket was anything new to us.
Kevin, I said turn down that music.
Why? (Frowns.)
It's too loud.
It is not. (Frowns.)
(Jack frowns at Kevin.)
Still this time...
(Kevin frowns and turns down the radio.)
It was clear something had changed. Something hard to define.
Who thought of this stupid trip, anyway? (Frowns.)
What's that supposed to mean?
Means why are we going?
Fortunately, when it came to questions of cosmic dimensions, the old man was a pro.
Look. I took a day off, I got you two a day off...and now we're goin' fishin'. And it's all I want to hear.
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Got it.

(The car pulls up to a small store.)
Ed's bait shop. Remember?
(Jack parks the car. Cut to inside as Kevin and Wayne enter.)
Ed's bait shop.
(Jack enters behind them.)
The last outpost before the wild. Nightcrawlers, inchworms, grubs. What kid could forget it?
(Jack puts his hands on the boys' shoulders.)
OK - fan out. We need hooks, leaders, waders and lures.
(Kevin and Wayne approach the camera, then pause as Jack walks away.)
Wait a minute.
(Kevin and Wayne look at each other, then turn toward Jack.)
Uh, Dad? (Gestures.) How 'bout some food? (Frowns.)
Yeah. You know - to eat.
What are ya talkin' about? We don't need food. (Frowns.) We're gonna catch fish!
(Kevin and Wayne look at each other.)
Get beans. (Frowns.)
Yeah. (Points.) And beer.
Yeah. (Smiles.)
And soda for Kevin.
(Kevin pauses. Sound of a penalty buzzer.)
Wait a minute.
Dad. (Frowns.) I'm sixteen years old.
(Jack is examining a small package on a rack.)
So...I can handle a brew. (Gestures.)
Figured I'd get the priorities straight from the get-go.
Fine. (Nods.) Get him root beer.
(Cut to the counter as some items are tossed on it next to some canned goods.)
Seemed clear this tradition business...
(Jack sets a pair of hip waders on the counter.)
Was gonna have its drawbacks.
eds (The cashier approaches the register and looks at them.)
(She looks over the merchandise.)
This it? (Gestures.)
(Jack looks blankly at the cashier.)
And not just for me.
Where's Ed?
You know - Ed. Runs this place - nice old guy.
Oh...he's dead. Boating accident. Couple years ago.
Well...send him our regards, anyway.
(Jack frowns and elbows Wayne.)
So...doin' a little fishin'.
(Jack smiles briefly.)
Fortunately, not in a boat.
We're headin' up to Berlinger Falls - a little secret spot I found. (Smiles.)
Oh...can't go up there, anymore. Not by car, anyway. They closed that road last summer. The only way in's by foot. Eight miles.
It was a major setback. For tradition...
(Jack frowns and looks down.)
For memories.
(Jack looks toward the cashier, then down slightly.)
(Jack looks at the cashier.)
We're goin' anyway.
But not for my father.
(Cut to the road. The car slowly approachs on a dirt road as branches and leaves drag across it.)
After all, we were campers...not hikers.
(Wayne frowns and leans away from the window, raising his arms slightly.)
I can't believe this. (Frowns.)
Dad, you sure you know what you're doin'? (Frowns.)
What are ya talkin' about?
(Kevin ducks away as some branches pass his window.)
It's just a few leaves.
(Jack is jostled in his seat as the car hits some bumps.)
Even though it was more like the whole forest.
Ya know...
(Wayne rolls up the window.)
Maybe we oughtta...scrap this plan. Head for home. What do ya think?
Yeah, I think he's got a point. (Frowns.)
Seemed clear to us. Some things were meant to be - some weren't.
Don't be ridiculous. We've come this far...we're not turnin' back.
But, Dad...we don't even know where we are.
Course we do. I never get lost.
And so...thanks to Dad's built-in compass, and a lot of good luck...
arrive (The car bogs down to a stop. The camera rises slowly to reveal a small river and some trees.)
We finally arrived. Three hours later.
(Jack glances around.)
Well, we're here.
Oh, good.
Yeah. (Nods.) Great.
(Jack looks out and smiles.)
So? What d'ya think?
But what could we say?
(Kevin looks down and pulls some leaves from his shirt, as does Wayne.)
We'd been Shanghai'd from our beds...hauled through the woods and dumped here. And for what?
It's perfect, isn't it? Just like it always was.
And the funny thing is, at that moment...seeing it through Dad's eyes...suddenly that stupid little spot didn't seem all that bad.
It's OK. (Nods.)
Not bad.
And, there was only one more thing to say.
(Jack smiles and nods as he looks out.)
Let's get movin'. Time to make camp. (Smiles.)

(At night around the campfire, eating beans, and playing cards.)
This is the life, isn't it? Don't worry. Tomorrow we'll get up early and catch us a mess of fish. Right?
(Kevin draws a card.)
Sure, Dad.
(Jack draws a card and Wayne burps loudly.)
gin (Wayne waves his hand in front of his face and frowns.)
It was great. Old times, good times...sittin' around the fire, Dad and me skinning Wayne at cards...
(Wayne lays down his cards.)
It was kinda like finding out your pet hampster could do calculus.
Dad, pop me a beer, will ya?
Yeah, me too.
(Jack and Wayne frown at Kevin.)
What the hey - it was worth a shot.
Never mind.
Ya know...I've been thinkin'. One of these days I'm gonna chuck it all...
(He looks off.)
Find us a place to retire...(nods)...like this.
(He looks at Kevin.)
We could build us a cabin. Logs maybe.
(Jack frowns and shrugs slightly and looks at the fire.)
Wouldn't have to be much.
(He looks off.)
It was the same old dream Dad had talked about since I was three years old.
We could come here in April and stay till it snowed.
(Jack looks off.)
We could catch fish all summer...
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Live off what we caught. (Smiles.)
It was like a litany. We'd heard it a hundred times before. Still, that night, for some reason...
Yeah, but what about your mortgage?
What's that gotta do with it? (Frowns.)
Well...don't ya like owe the bank a pile?
Yeah. I mean...(gestures)...is that really practical? (Frowns.)
(Jack frowns at Kevin.)
I mean, with...what you make, and everything?
(Jack looks off slightly, then at Kevin.)
Course, looking back...our two cents might not have been exactly in the spirit of the moment.
(Wayne laughs, then pauses.)
Gin. (Laughs.) 'Nother hand, huh?
Uh, I don't think so. Maybe we oughtta hit the hay.
(Jack looks at Kevin.)
Yeah, sure!
(Jack stands up.)
Sure, Dad.
(Wayne and Kevin stand up. They walk away from the fire toward the tent.)
Good call. After all, if things were a little rough around the fire...
(Cut to Wayne crawling into the tent, followed by Kevin.)
At least we always had the comfort of the old tent.
(Wayne, Jack and Kevin try to settle in. Kevin rolls onto his back and frowns.)
(Wayne pulls a sleeping bag up.)
Come on...
(Kevin spreads out his sleeping bag.)
Watch it!
You watch it.
You can wait...
(Wayne pushes Kevin's arm.)
Hey - that's my spot. You're in my spot.
(Kevin slides onto Jack as he tries to change his position.)
(Jack looks down and frowns.)
Wait - wait a minute! (Frowns.) Let's think this out! (Sighs.) What happened?
But it wasn't gonna take a genius to figure this one out. Stated simply...we were thirty-eight square feet of family...in thirty-two square feet of tent. Which added up to one thing.
Who thought of this stupid trip in the first place? (Frowns.)
Knew we should have stayed in a motel. (Frowns.)
Ya know, I'm gonna sleep outside.
No - I'll sleep outside.
No...I'll sleep outside.
(They jostle each other as they all lean forward.)
And of course, it was the only solution.
lightning (Thunder and lightning go off. The guys pause and look off as it starts to rain heavily.)
And I guess at that moment it was clear. The horrible unvarnished truth.
(The guys flip the tent flaps open and look out, frowning.)
We were caught. Trapped...three men in a tent. With no way out. And not only that...
(The guys close the tent flaps.)
There's a leak.
(Fade to morning. The guys are fishing near the tent.)
The next morning, the clouds had cleared. By some miracle of physical engineering, we'd made it through the night. Alive. And as the sun rose, hope once again sprang full-blown in the Arnold manly breast. After all...this was fishing. This was tradition. This was...
(Kevin frowns and slaps his face trying to get a mosquito.)
(Jack frowns as he slaps his neck. Wayne frowns and slaps his neck.)
Does anyone have any bug-spray?
We ran out an hour ago.
Seemed the only thing biting around here were the mosquitos. So it was time to fall back on the oldest technique known to fishermen in times of trouble.
Kevin, ya gotta cast it out further...(gestures)...if ya wanna catch anything.
Give the other guy advice.
Don't worry about me...(gestures)...I know what I'm doin'.
(Kevin reels in.)
Even though I didn't.
Dad! (Smiles.) Dad, I got a bite.
Ya need any help?
No - I got it.
(Kevin reels in slightly, causing his rod to bend.)
And I did. I had it. The first catch of the day.
Ease 'er in. Ease 'er in...
tire It was big, alright. Big, mean, tough.
(Kevin pulls a car tire from the water.)
It was totally...humiliating.
(Wayne laughs loudly, and Jack laughs as well.)
Personally, I'd throw it back - it's flat. (Gestures.)
(Jack looks at Wayne.)
Nah, keep it - it'll look good on the wall.
(They laugh again. Kevin swings the tire into the water.)
Pret-ty fun-ny...
(Cut to Kevin wading into the water.)
Hey, Kev! Hey...I hear the tires are really bitin' around here. (Laughs.)
Shut up...
(Jack smiles broadly as he reels in. Kevin wades into the river, wearing hip boots.)
(Kevin steps into a hole in the river bed, nearly stumbling to his waist.)
OK, then.
(Kevin steps out of the hole.)
If that's the way they wanted to play it, I could play rough, too.
(Kevin measures the hole with his fishing pole.)
After all, if I couldn't catch a fish, there was always a chance I might snare myself a hundred-and-forty-pound large-mouth ass.
Hey, Wayne! Come over here - I gotta show ya somethin' - it's really cool.
Yeah, ya gotta see it.
(Wayne looks at his reel as he tries to untangle it.)
OK - in a second.
Heh-heh. It was mean. It was rotten. It was irresistable.
What is it, Kev? (Frowns.) Ya find somethin'?
Uh...no, Dad...(gestures)...it's nothing. (Nods.) It's for Wayne.
(Kevin turns to Wayne.)
Wayne! (Gestures.)
hole No, really - let me take a look.
No! Dad! (Frowns.)
(Jack walks past him, then makes a face as he stumbles into the hole, puts his arms out and falls into the water. Wayne looks toward Kevin and Jack with his mouth open, then laughs as Jack's hat floats on the water.)
Dad? Dad?
(Several large bubbles of air break the surface. Cut to the shore. Jack is wearing a dry T-shirt and boxer shorts as he smoothes out his waders.)
I'm really sorry, Dad.
(Jack sighs and tosses the boots down.)
Ya know, it wasn't supposed to happen like that.
(Jack wrings out his other wet boxers.)
(Jack sets the boxers on the tent.)
I hope you're not mad.
Course, this was my father.
(Jack picks up his wet socks.)
He of all men could appreciate the humor in this.
(Jack sets the socks on the tent and turns angrily toward Kevin.)
How could you pull a stupid stunt like that? (Frowns.) Kevin, someone coulda been hurt! (Gestures.)
OK...I knew what was required, here. An honest apology. Straight, simple and heartfelt.
I'm sorry, Dad. I tried to warn you. You were there, and...(shuckles)...then you weren't. (Smiles.)
But maybe it was the lack of sleep...or maybe it was seeing him standing there in wet boxer-shorts...
And, uh...I'm also...sorry about losin' your hat. But, I bet it's caught a lot of fish by now. (Smiles.)
(Jack frowns heavily as he wrings out his socks.)
It was awful. The madder he got...the funnier it seemed. And then...
Hey, you guys! I got a fish - I got a fish!
From the brink of annihilation...
(Jack taps Kevin on the chest.)
Get the net!
I'll get the net.
Came salvation.
(Jack hurries over and gets his jeans from the top of the tent as Kevin tosses some equipment aside and picks up the net.)
Get the net.
Get the net.
Suddenly, we knew to a man...
(Kevin holds the net and opens the creel.)
Exactly why we had come.
I got it.
(Wayne frowns as he pulls on the pole, bending it. Kevin helps hold it.)
Lemme get my pants on.
It didn't matter that Wayne made the initial strike.
(Jack hurries next to Wayne.)
Oh, man - it's a big one!
We were all one unit now. A well-oiled machine...working in harmony to bring glory to our quest.
(The fish is pulled into the net.)
Easy, now!
Yes! Yes!
We got it!
Man, look at the size of that sucker! (Points.)
Yeah, it must be like a twelve-pounder. (Smiles.)
That baby's a fighter! (Smiles.)
Man, he was strong - I thought it was gonna rip off my arm!
Finally, we had what we'd been waiting for. Something we could tell our grandchildren about. The day we caught thirty-pounder. Together.
(The fish struggles and tips the creel over, falls into the water, and swims away. Xut to night around the campfire.)
I don't believe it. (Frowns.) Beans again.
Let's face it. We were failures. As campers...as anglers...as men.
Well, I know...(points)...why don't we cook up Kevin's catch? Nothing like the taste of...barbeque steel-belted radial. (Laughs.) Or how about...fillet of Firestone? (Laughs.)
Not to mention stand-up comedians.
(Jack looks at Kevin and laughs, then looks down.)
Very funny. (Frowns.) I hope you're all enjoying yourselves. (Gestures.)
(Kevin stands up as Wayne and Jack take a sip from their beers.)
Because I wasn't. I was fed up.
(Kevin reaches toward a beer on top of the cooler. Jack sticks his hand on the cans.)
Whoa...where are you goin'?
I'm gettin' a beer.
Dad...I'm tired, I'm hot, and I'm sick of soda. (Gestures.) So I'm havin' a beer, OK?
And there it was. A challenge even Dad couldn't ignore.
Ya know...
(Jack leans out slightly past Kevin and frowns slightly at Wayne.)
Maybe the problem is, we've been using the wrong lures. The stuff ya buy in the stores is no damn good. Tell ya somethin'...
(Jack smiles slightly.)
When I get my place up here, things are gonna be different. (Nods.)
I couldn't believe it. I was trying my best to assert my manhood, and this guy was ignoring me...like I was a little kid. And I wasn't gonna take it anymore.
Get off it, Dad. (Gestures.) Will ya? (Nods.)
All this stuff about building a cabin. You're never moving up here. Not in a million years. (Shrugs.)
(Jack hesitates.)
I see.
(Jack frowns slightly and looks down.)
It was possibly the meanest thing I'd ever said to the man.
(Kevin takes a beer.)
But right then, I didn't care. The way I saw it...turn-about was fair play.
(Kevin pops the top of the can, which sprays beer onto him. Wayne laughs. Jack frowns slightly at Wayne, then looks down.)
I don't believe it! That was great!
(Wayne pauses next to Kevin and smiles.)
Hey, Kev - this Bud's on you!
(Wayne slaps Kevin's shoulder.)
Get your hands off me.
Oh, why don't ya make me, scrote? (Frowns.)
I'm warning you, Wayne. (Frowns.)
Oh, I'm tremblin'. (Gestures.)
That's enough. (Frowns.)
(Jack stands and approaches.)
getalong What's the matter with you two? (Frowns.)
(Jack pushes the boys apart slightly.)
I bring ya all the way up here to fish...(gestures)...and all ya do is fight! (Frowns.) Honest to God, why can't we all just try and...(gestures)...get along, the way we used to?
But the thing was...I don't think we could tell him, any more than he could tell us.
Hey. There's foam on your head.
(Wayne flicks some foam off Kevin's head.)
That's it. (Frowns.)
(Kevin tosses the beer can down and grabs Wayne. They fall onto the ground and fight.)
Hey! Break it up! Knock it off! (Frowns.)
(Jack bends down toward the boys, trying to separate them.)
And that's when it happened.
Break it up...
(Kevin's accidentally elbows Jack in the jaw, causing him to stumble backward several steps.)
Things got a little...
(Jack falls down next to campfire, and his foot kicks the frying pan into the air.)
fire Out of hand.
(The frying pan bounces off a tree, causing the lantern to slide down the tent rope and slide onto the tent. Jack holds the back of his hand against his jaw, looking at the tent, which erupts into flames. Jack gets up.)
(Kevin and Wayne stand up, dust themselves off, and join Jack.)
It was eighteen years of memories. And there was nothing we could do...but stand there. And watch.

(Next morning, Kevin wakes up from sleeping in the car and approaches Jack who picks up the frying pan from the ashes of the tent and frowns.)
Need any help?
(Jack flips the frying pan back toward the tent and turns away, dusting off his hands.)
I wasn't sure quite what to say.
(Jack sits on a large rock.)
I wanted to make things right, but...I knew I couldn't.
Sorry about the tent.
(Jack looks off.)
It's OK...
But I knew he was lying. I knew Wayne and I had let him down. We'd gotten older. And the sad thing was...it was nobody's fault.
(Jack looks at Kevin, then off.)
Why'd we come on this stupid trip anyway? (Frowns.)
Well...(shrugs)...we planned it. (Smiles.) You got a day off, and...you got us a day off, so...we came.
(Jack sighs.)
Besides...it's only Saturday. Let's stay up here till tomorrow. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks off, then at Kevin.)
Where're we gonna sleep?
Maybe the hardest part of growing up...is having those you always counted on...look to you.
I don't know. (Smiles.) We'll think of somethin'.
(Jack looks off and smiles, then looks at Kevin and sighs as he stands up and claps his hand on Kevin's shoulder.)
Come on. We'll see what happens, OK?
After all...
(Kevin takes a fishing pole leaning against a tree.)
OK. (Smiles.)
end We'd come this far. No sense turning back, now. We fished the rest of that day.
(Kevin casts out.)
That wasn't bad.
We didn't catch much...
Nah, not bad.
Dad said he'd like to move up here, and open a bait shop. I told him it was a great idea. I think he believed me. And in the end...I guess we finally figured out why we'd come here in the first place. We'd come...to say goodbye.

Also see
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 96 - "Scenes From A Wedding")

(During the wedding ceremony, Wayne tries to catch some coins off his elbow. They clatter onto the floor. Jack frowns and whispers to him.)
Can it!

cry (On the road to the reception. Norma is crying - still.)
Norma you OK? It's been twenty minutes.
Weddings always do this to me...(Gestures.)
Weddings, bar mitzvahs, detergent-and-fabric-softener in one...
It was just so beautiful. (Shrugs.) They're so perfect together...
I guess you could say we were all pretty impressed.
I just want to get this over with.

arnolds (At the reception, the brides father, Arthur greets them.)
Ar-nolds! Hah-haha.
Art Jensen. When it came to my family...he was all heart.
Norma. Oh, Norma...Look at you.
(Norma looks down. Arthur hugs her.)
And when it came to my mother...
(Norma looks a little surprised.)
He was all hands.
Norma, Norma, Norma...When are you gonna leave this guy and run away with me, huh?
Oh, Arthur...
Jackie-boy, good to see you.
(Jack smiles and shakes his hand. Arthur teases Wayne about having to fire him. Candy pretends not to know Wayne. Jack and Arthur shake hands and smile. Norma chats with Candy.)
Thank you, Arthur!
Thank you...for coming.
And with that, festivities got under way.
(Jack shakes Candy's hand.)
You look beautiful.

(Kevin is trying to get some champagne to drink with Linda.)
I was on a mission.
(The bartender ignores him and walks off.)
Excuse me.
(The bartender looks over his shoulder, then turns away.)
Excuse me!
whatdoesittake Just one little hitch.
(The bartender walks past Kevin to the far end of the bar.)
Hey, what does it take to get a drink around here?!
(Two men near the end of the bar walk away, revealing Jack at the far end, holding a drink.)
Hey, Kev!
Dad! What are you doing here?
What do you mean?
Shouldn't you be dancing, with Mom...or someone?
Can't - she's already dancin'.
ballerina (Norma and Arthur approach.)
Your wife's a regular ballerina out there, Jack. Now, look at you - you're standin' around. What's the matter - your corns acting up or somethin'? Bar-tender! Let me tell ya something, Jack. (Gestures.) Everything costs at these things. Flowers? You have no idea how expensive a couple of tulips are.
You know, you want the napkins folded to look like birds? That's extra. Maybe I should quit NORCOM and get into catering!
(Arthur laughs and slaps Jack's shoulder.)
Ah, Jack, listen. I love your lifestyle - you keep it real simple. Plus, you have Norma.
(Arthur looks at Norma. She smiles as he puts his arm around her shoulder. Norma smiles slightly in embarrassment and looks off.)
Boy! Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes. Providing, of course, I could keep my own salary. (Laughs.)
(Arthur looks at her and squeezes her shoulder. Jack looks at Arthur, then looks at Kevin and opens his mouth slightly.)
But somehow, if Dad was looking for me to help...
I gotta go. (Exits.)
I'm afraid he was on his own.

arm (After Kevin returns from barfing on Linda, he returns as Peter is giving his speech. Jack, Norma and Arthur are standing together. Arthur has his arm around Norma's shoulder, and leans closer.)
You gonna dance with me later, hah?
(Jack glances at Arthur's arm, frowning.)


(The groom finishes his speech, and the Peter and Candy kiss.)
It was a testament to romance at its finest and most pure. It was a declaration of virtue. Simple, and gracious, and real. And after a day of infidelities...some proposed and planned...some more subtle...I felt for the first time...that someone believed in something a little different.
(Peter and Candy kiss again.)
In love. In commitment.
(Arthur looks at Norma. Norma looks at Arthur.)
break You ready?
(Jack turns to Arthur.)
Yeah. (Smiles.)
In each other.
If you don't get your arm of my wife...I'm gonna break it off.
(Arthur straightens up, and removes his arm.)
Jack, what...?
Come on. Let's dance.
(Jack frowns over his shoulder as he and Norma walk off.)

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 97 - "Sex and Economics")

type Painting? What do you know about painting?
Dad, what's there to know? (Frowns.) I mean, there's the house, and...(gestures)...you paint it. (Frowns.)
Seemed simple enough to me.
What kind of paint are you using? Latex or enamel?
You know what supplies to buy?
You have a crew to work with?
Jeez, what was this - trade school?
Hey, I have a couple guys...in mind.
Well, just make sure you know what you're doing. Painting's hard enough even when you're good at it.

(Norma is serving dinner.)
Kevin? Honey, are you alright?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, there's paint in my potatoes!
Shut up, butthead!
That night I was in no mood for jokes. Or potatoes.
You sure you're not working too hard?
norma Yeah! Mom, I told ya, I'm fine. Really. Besides...it's my job.
(Jack smiles and looks at his food.)
I know. But you look exhausted. Honey, no one would blame you if you quit.
They wouldn't?
(Norma smiles and shakes her head.)
And there it was - peace with honor.
Quit?! (Frowns.) He's not gonna quit.
Ya know, Kevin, at first I had my doubts. But seeing how hard you've been working...I gotta say...I'm impressed, son. (Smiles.)
(Jack pats Kevin's shoulder.)
And I guess that's when I realized, looking into my father's eye's...seeing his admiration, his trust...his total mis-reading of the situation...
(Kevin looks off.)
I knew there was only one thing to do.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 98 - "Politics As Usual")

(The Arnold's are watching the eveving news as they eat dinner.)
People seemed to breathe, sleep, and eat...politics.
(Jack looks toward the TV as he chews.)
My family included. My father, for example...
(Jack wipes his mouth with a napkin and continues to watch.)
Weighed all the arguments...and summed it up in one word.
Ya know...most of the kids I run into at the college are gonna vote for McGovern. (Nods.) And, I like his stand on women's rights. He really respects the new position that women are achieving in society. (Nods.)
My mother, on the other hand, had a more personal view.
(Jack forks the food on his plate.)
(He looks toward the center of the table.)
Any more potatoes, honey?
(Norma gives him a cold look.)
(Kevin is eating cereal as the rest of the family is getting ready to go vote.)
Tuesday, November seventh, nineteen-seventy-two. While the entire nation prepared to elect the man who would lead it through the next four years...I was figuring out what riboflavin was.
So, Dad - who you gonna vote for?
(Jack adjusts his jacket.)
Lemme tell ya somethin', Wayne. (Frowns.)
(Jack looks down as he adjusts his cuffs.)
When I walk into that booth...I don't have to answer to anybody but myself. Neither will you.
(Jack frowns as he tightens his tie.)
It's every American's right.
Nixon, right?
Let's get a move on.
(Jack grabs his briefcase and exits.)

Also see
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 99 - "White Lies")

(Jack and Norma are going away overnight.)
There's meals in the freezer for ya, honey. (Smiles) And they're all labelled.
Mom, please - give me a little credit. I can take care of myself - I'm sixteen years old!
(Kevin smiles.)
(Jack picks up the percolator and a cup. He looks at Kevin.)
Just don't forget to take out the trash.
All in all, a resounding vote of confidence.
(Jack puts the percolator on the counter. Norma and Jack exit with their arms around each other.)
Come on.

(Next night, Jack enters with a bag of trash.)
Kevin! I thought I told you to throw out the trash!
(Jack holds up the bag.)
Oh! Sorry. (Smiles.)
Still, I guess help is where you find it.
(Jack is emptying the trash.)
I have to talk to you about something that happened here last night.
What is it?
Winnie came over last night, and...
And so I recounted the whole sorry tale. Hoping for some advice. And maybe a little sympathy.
(In BG):...see there was all this tension with the guys in the locker room. (Gestures.)
(Jack frowns, folds his arms, and leans against the counter, looking at Kevin.)
After all, my dad had been sixteen once.
(in BG):...and shot my mouth off...
He knew what the guys were like.
(BG):...and then Winnie heard me. (Gestures.)
(Kevin leans back on the counter and looks at Jack.)
Women, huh?
(Jack sighs and looks away.)
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
(Jack frowns more.)
But if I was looking for someone to back me up...
(Jack looks sideways at Kevin.)
Get in your car, go over and apologize right away.
I came up short.
(Kevin looks toward the window, then to Jack.)
You think she'll listen?
(Jack frowns at Kevin, then picks up the trashbag.)
I wouldn't.
(Jack walks past Kevin with the trash and looks at him.)

Also see
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 100 - "Wayne and Bonnie")

parts (Jack's office at NORCOM.)
You told me those parts are supposed to be here today! Today is today! Tomorrow is not today!
My father worked at NORCOM over half his life.
Ah-huh. Ah-huh. Well, Ferguson's goin' to blow his top over this.
And eventually, he rose to the ranks of middle management.
Yeah, fine. Fine. I'll take care of it.
(Jack hangs up and frowns.)
Where every day, was filled with crisis, challenges, and Rol-Aids. Yep. Through the years my father had given a lot to NORCOM...
(Jack looks out his window onto the factory floor.)
And now, he had given them...
(On the factory floor, Wayne is pushing the mail-cart past various employees.)
That's it - you guys are doin' great.
(Wayne makes a nuisance of himself with other employees, then flirts with his new girlfriend, Bonnie, a co-worker. Jack looks down from his office window, with his arms crossed.)
Whatever Dad felt about all of this, he was keeping it to himself. Like all the Arnold men...
(Jack walks to his desk to answer the telphone.)
He had a lot of things on his mind.

(At dinner.)
Something told us this was a deeper relationship than Wayne had ever been involved in.
(Jack is looking at his food and starts to take a bite.)
You know, Dad...I was thinkin'...We can lend Bonnie that portable dishwasher in the garage, hmm?
(Jack raises his eye-brows and looks at Wayne.)
(Jack smiles suddenly and looks at Bonnie.)
No problem.
Still, chit-chat aside...
So! How long have you been divorced? (Shrugs.)
Seemed there were greater issues at stake, here.
Since last Christmas.
You...(shrugs)...probably don't want to talk about it?
Oh, no-no-no...I don't mind. We were naive, right outta high school, and...(shrugs)...we didn't realize how serious and important a commitment marriage is.
(Norma smiles slightly. Jack looks up.)
I'm not sure if Bonnie realized the significance of her statement...
(Jack looks at Norma, and raises an eye-brow slightly.)
salad But she came through with flying colors.
D'you know? (Smiles.) I forgot to put out the salad!
It was Norma Arnold's carrot-and-raisin-salad seal of approval.
I also don't think he was ready to handle David.
(Jack looks up from his food.)
Who's David? (Smiles.)
He's my-my son. (To Wayne) I-I didn't mention him?
(Wayne shrugs and smiles.)
Well! (Smiles.) How...(shrugs)...old is he?
Six months.
(Jack drops his fork, looks at Norma, and puts his hands together.)
What about that salad, Mom? (Smiles.)
What salad?

(Another day at NORCOM. Jack walks behind his desk, talking on the phone, frowning.)
What do you mean, the parts are in Pittsburgh?
(He reaches in the drawer.)
Pittsburgh is there, and here's here!
(Jack pulls out a bottle of Maalox, and opens it.)
Over the next few days...
(Jack pours some Maalox into his cup.)
Things remained about the same.
(Jack sips and frowns as he walks toward the window.)
Dad drank Maalox...
Well, Ferguson's gonna kill me.
And yelled...
Oh, yeah? Well, then I'm gonna kill you! Ah-huh.
(Jack lowers the phone slightly and looks toward Wayne below.)
While my brother continued his crazy courtship.

picnic (Jack, Norma, Wayne, Bonnie and her baby, David, are at a picnic table. David is crying. Norma picks him up.)
Come here, angel...Oh, look at this beautiful baby...oooh...Remember when Kevin and Wayne were this small?
It was a long time ago, Norma. (Smiles.)
(Jack squeezes David's foot.)
Wayne had the cutest little behind...
Mom! (Frowns.)
He still does. (Smiles.)
(Jack pauses over his beer. Norma looks at Bonnie.)

(The Arnold kitchen. Kevin comes home to find Jack at the table.)
How you doin'?
Join the club. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks down, then quickly toward the kitchen. Wayne approaches with a bag of stuff over his shoulder. He pauses and sighs, and looks at Jack.)
So where's Mom?
She, uh...went to bed.
I'm gettin' outta here.
(Jack frowns and rises.)
Can we talk for a minute?
Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
(Wayne looks off.)
I-I'm doing this, and that's it! (Gestures.)
Fine! (Nods.) If that's what you have to do.
Guess it wasn't exactly the answer Wayne had expected.
Look, I, uh...just got one thing to say, so bear with me, OK?
end (Jack slides the chair out and points to it. Wayne drops his stuff on it and puts his hands in his pockets.)
You know...
(Jack sighs and sits down. He looks at Wayne, then frowns and looks down at his cup.)
I, uh...
(Jack looks at Wayne.)
Started working at NORCOM right after the Marines. I was twenty-four, and I thought I was gonna be out of there in no time. I was gonna try some different things. Take some chances. I figured...I had my whole life ahead of me. But before I knew it...there was a family...a home...a mortgage.
(Jack looks off in thought and frowns.)
In a way...I knew it was the hardest thing Dad had ever done. He was speaking from the heart. He was speaking out of love.
All I'm saying is...
Dad! That's your life. Not mine. I gotta get goin'.
(Wayne picks up his bag, heads for the door, and opens it. Kevin and Wayne look at each other for a moment, then Wayne walks out.)
And then...he was gone. And we were left. And that house seemed a little emptier.

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"Full Transcript"


(Ep 102 - "The Test")

(Jack slaps down his work-review on the kitchen table.)
"Competent"? What the hell does "competent" mean?
Probably means you did a good job, Jack.
For my father, the crisis was his annual evaluation from NORCOM.
You know how many weekends I put in there? You know how hard I work?! I don't believe this!
(Jack tosses the review in his briefcase.)
Which isn't to say the old man wasn't graceful at taking constructive criticism.
(Norma picks up the review.)
Now, look, hon-ey - there's "excellent" right here!
Yeah. For "demeanor and appearance". Means the guy liked my haircut.
Honey, they probably didn't even give it much thought - you know how much they appreciate you there!
The hell they do.
Still, in my own way, I kinda...sympathized with the guy.
(Kevin is setting the table. Kevin and Jack pause and look at each other.)
(Jack takes it and slaps it down.)
After all, this was really none of my business. This was Dad, the great provider - the man with the plan.
Charlie Barratt got a...bad evaluation, too.
Jack, you did not get a bad evaluation!
Yeah, well...he decided to leave NORCOM.
Charlie? You're kidding?
Nope. He knows this guy who owns a small furniture factory - wants to retire...He's gonna buy him out. I don't know...maybe he's got the right idea.
But if Dad was looking for advice, he was pretty much on his own.
Twenty years at NORCOM, Norma. What have I been doin' with my life?

(Ice Cream Store)
It was aweful. This one crummy test was poisoning my life. Plaguing my future. So there was only one way to fight back.
I'll have pralines and cream, please.
Go for ice cream with the folks.
(Charlie Barratt enters.)
Yeah, this was some fun.
Jack! Norma!
Heh, Charlie - what are you doin' here?
Well, I-I just stopped by to get the family some ice cream...to, uh, you know - celebrate.
(Jack smiles and laughs softly.)
Charlie Barrett. I hadn't seen him since I was -
barrett Kevin? I-I...I haven't seen you since you were six. What grade are you in now?
So, uh...next year you'll be in...twelfth!
Yep - you couldn't get anything past this guy!
Kevin's taking his SAT's next week. (Smiles.)
Whoa! Hmmm - SAT's...Good luck, pal!
Yeah - same to you.
Uh, let me have a pint of, uh, strawberry - nah-nah-nah, make it a quart. Might as well live on the edge a little. Right?
Yes, Jack told me about your leaving NORCOM and all your plans, it... must be very exciting. (Smiles.)
Exciting?! Hell, Norma...this is long overdue...(taps Jack)...Right, Jack?
(Jack turns, smiling.)
And there was something about that pat on the arm that said -
(Charlie smiles, with his arms folded.)
So - Norma...what do you think about Jack and me going into business together?
(Norma looks at Charlie, stunned.)
(She turns toward Jack.)
Beg your pardon?
Uh...actually, we haven't talked about it yet.
Oh, I see...uh, Norma, Jack and I just had a couple discussions about...(frowns and shakes head)...maybe buying this little factory. But, ya know, it's not really -
(Jack sighs.)
We're meeting with the owner's tomorrow.
(Norma is taken aback.)
I see.
(Norma glances off, then looks at Jack. Jack looks down.)
Yeah, well, anyway...I better get moving, uh, I'll - I'll see you tomorrow, Jack, around three o'clock?
Seeya there. (Exits.)
Unfortunately, my mother's concern didn't disappear as easily as Charlie had.
Why didn't you tell me about this, Jack?
(Jack pauses, then looks at the server, who is leaning on the display, looking at him. The server looks away. Jack hands an ice cream cone to Norma.)
Maybe we ought to talk about it at home, OK? Kevin?
(Jack hands two ice cream cones to Kevin.)
I'll...get the car. (Exits.)

(Kevin is studying at the table, and Norma is at the sink, as Jack enters, wearing a suit. Jack spreads his arms.)
How do I look?
You look very handsome.
I'll bet you never thought you'd see me in the furniture business, huh?
After twenty-four hours of constant negotiations...
(Norma fixes his tie.)
Mom had finally accepted Dad's plan.
(Jack smiles at Norma.)
There ya go.
Not that she was completely happy about it.
I just hope it all works out. (Nods.)
You know, Norma, I'm a lot more than competent.
I know that, honey. Good luck.
(Norma pats Jack's cheek and they kiss. Jack smiles, takes his briefcase, and points at Kevin as he exits.)

(Kevin is watching TV - "Let's Make a Deal" - instead of studying.)
Hey, I just needed a ten-minute break, OK?
(On TV - Monty: "O-kay...Thank you!")
Honey - you've been watching TV for three hours!
Yeah. Well, uh, I'm gonna turn it off right now.
(Monty on TV: "Our deal is worth ten-thousand-and-thirty four dollars. Is it door number one, or door number two, or door number three?")
Your father should have been home an hour ago.
Maybe he got held up.
After all, we were talking about Dad, here. He probably signed the deal, stopped off to buy some Champagne...
(Jack enters the front door.)
And was coming home the conquering hero.
Hi, Dad!
(Jack walks past Kevin and sighs.)
Hi, honey! How'd it go?
Or maybe...just the conquered.
(Jack goes to the kitchen and Norma follows.)
What happened?
(Jack shuts the cabinet.)
I'll tell you what happened. The whole damn thing fell apart.
Well, for one thing, it's gonna cost three times more than I thought. Fifteen thousand bucks! (Frowns.) Can you imagine that?
(Kevin comes to the doorway.)
We can't afford that, Norma. With the mortgage, car payments, Kevin's college...
(Jack sighs and looks off.)
The hell was I thinking?
And at that moment, I'd heard something in his voice I'd never heard before. Regret.
I don't think you should give up on this.
Well, what about the money?
Honey - when we got married...(gestures)...we didn't have two nickles to rub together. And we did alright! Well...we'll do it again.
But if Mom was trying her best to give Dad a future...
(Jack sighs and smiles.)
Forget it, Norma.
The old man wasn't buying.
(Jack touches her cheek.)
I'm stayin' at NORCOM.
(Jack exits past Kevin. Norma looks down.)

(In front of Kevin's school.)
By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was head home. Maybe catch a slow train to Loserville.
(Jack is leaning against his car, and waves. Kevin approaches.)
I don't know...maybe Dad had the same idea, too.
Hey, Kev. How ya doin'? Everything OK?
Dad, what are you doing here? (Gestures.)
Thought...maybe you'd like to go for a ride. What do ya say?
Well, I have my car over there, so...
We'll get it later. Come on - it won't take long.
And the way he said it...
(On the road in Jack's car.)
Guess I knew I really didn't have a choice.
Kevin, ah...there's some things I want to talk to you about.
The funny thing was, I pretty much knew what was coming.
You know, sometimes it's not easy being the head of a family. Sometimes you have to make choices that affect everybody, and...you're not sure if you're doing the right thing. Uh...
Hey listen, Dad! You don't have to explain anything to me.
Glad to hear you say that.
Hell, I understood what he meant. After all, in this world, there were two kinds of men - the ones with guts - the ones who dared - the ones who took risks. And then...there were the Arnold's.
Here we are!
What is this?
My new company - once the deal closes. So, come on...let's take a look.
I guess life is full of surprises - no matter what age you are.
Here we go!
(Jack flips on the lights.)
Everybody's already knocked off for the day. It's usually really, um, hoppin' in here. (Smiles.)
Yeah - I bet.
Come on. I'll show you around.
(They walk.)
Look at that! (Chuckles.)
It's great!
I guess life is full of surprises - no matter what age you are.
I didn't know you knew anything about furniture, Dad.
I don't...but I'm ready to learn. We got a great crew here.
What about NORCOM?
Figured you mom was right - it's time to take a chance. NORCOM was killing me...(shrugs)...So I left.
What'd they say?
They said "goodbye".
Dad, aren't you scared?
Nah...Yeah...(Smiles.) Come on, I want to show you where my office'll be.
That afternoon, Dad and I took the tour.
(Jack picks up a table leg.)
See these? We make all these...
We talked furniture. We talked life. We made plans.

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 103 - "Let Nothing You Dismay")

(At Norma's college graduation. The camera pans from Jack to Kevin in the audience as the speaker gives his speech.)
December, 1972, was a time of change for my family.
(The camera pans to Wayne, Bonnie and David.)
A time of strange occurrences. Improbable events. And, a fews surprises.
Norma Arnold!
(Norma walks across the stage to get her diploma.)
After a twenty-year sabbatical in the kitchen, my mother was graduating from State College. We were all pretty proud of her.
(Jack smiles and applauds.)
As for my father...after a half a lifetime at NORCOM...he decide to invest in the future.
(Cut to the furniture factory. Kevin, Jack and Norma are looking around. The noisy machines are running.)
Well, the future of furniture, anyway.
The place looks wonderful, honey!
I said - it looks wonderful!
Oh! (Smiles.)
(Jack leads them past some machines.)
You think it looks good now...wait'll the deal closes. We're gonna retool the whole place. (Gestures.) Make it completely state-of-the-art! Wait'll ya see it...
(Jack looks off and smiles.)
Amazing. In three short weeks, the guy had made the transformation from employee to proud almost-owner.
(Charlie Barrett approaches.)
Hey, partner! (Smiles.)
Make that co-proud almost-owner.
Charlie! (Smiles.)
(They shake hands.)
(They shake hands.)
How's the college graduate? Ready to come work for us?
I'm keeping my option open, Charlie...(Smiles.)
(Jack chuckles as Charlie looks at Kevin.)
How about you, Kevin? You ready to come aboard?
Well, I...figure I'd finish high school first. (Smiles.)
Great idea.
(Charlie turns to Jack.)
Oh, Jack. Uh, by the way, I called the bank - I put off the closing till Friday.
Why - is there a problem?
No, no - I just heard about a real sweet deal we can get on some machinery in Pittsburg...and I want to get right on it.
Oh. Sure. (Smiles.) Good thinkin'.
(Charlie taps Norma's arm and points.)
Norma, Norma - have you seen the dining room sets they've got here?
Well, no, actually, I haven't, we...(Gestures.)
Well, no time like the present. Come on.
Go ahead. (Nods.)
Come on.
(Charlie leads Norma away.)
There was no denying it. The Arnold fortunes were definitely on the rise.
(Jack turns to Kevin.)
Come on. (Gestures.) I'll show ya some of the other stuff.
(They approach a machine.)
We were riding high...
You know those, uh...
On wings of lumber, and glue.
Those little stools that you saw...
Outside? Well, this drill-press...*makes the holes*...
And no-one was more excited than Dad.
To put the little bolts in...(Gestures.)
He was just like...a kid at Christmas.

(Wayne and Kevin are trying to get a large Christmas tree through the front door.)
Come on, Wayne - swing your end around.
I got pine needles in my arm!
Come on! Quit foolin' around. Get the tree in there!
(Norma and Bonnie enter the dining room from the kitchen.)
After all these years, Dad had finally bought a tree worthy of our mansion.
That's some tree, Jack. (Smiles.)
What did you buy, the biggest one on the lot? (Smiles.)
Come on - let's get it up. (Gestures) Ya ready? One, two, three!
(The tree jams into the ceiling.)
OK. Maybe it was a little too worthy.
(Jack sighs and looks at Wayne.)
You better get the saw.
Great! (Smiles.) Bonnie and I get the top part. (Exits.)
Don't you think you're going a little overboard, honey? (Smiles.)
(Jack pants and removes his jacket.)
What are ya talkin' about? (Smiles.) Besides, it's Christmas. I felt like splurging.
It was incredible. It was like Santa Claus making a house-call.
Uh, Dad?
(Jack rolls up his shirt sleeves.)
Yeah, Kev?
And I was gonna be next on his list.
Could I, uh...borrow a couple bucks? (Smiles.)
(Jack looks at Kevin slowly and frowns.)
Like say, ninety-nine, ninety-nine.
It's just, you know, I want to get somethin' for Winnie, and I'm running a little bit short, so...(Shrugs.)
(Jack glances off.)
Sure. (Shrugs.) No problem.
(Jack reaches for his wallet.)
(Jack thumbs through $20-dollar bills.)
Down the chimney he came.
Oh, honey...Charlie called while you were out. He said he won't be able to make it over tonight.
And then...
(Wayne enters with the saw and smiles.)
What's he getting - cold-feet?
(Jack looks after Wayne.)
My Santa went south.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means nothing!
(Jack drops his wallet-arm and frowns at Wayne.)
He said everything was fine - he had a few last-minute things he has to take care of...and he'd see you at the bank on Friday. (Smiles.)
(Jack nods and looks off.)
(Kevin holds out his hand, and Jack turns to him, slightly startled.)
(Jack looks down and opens his wallet, then thumbs through the bills.)
(Jack pulls out a $5-dollar bill and hands it to Kevin.)
Buy her somethin' special. (Nods and winks.)

(At the bank, Jack paces while Norma, Kevin and Wayne sit nearby.)
December seventeenth. Closing day for Dad's new company. It was Jack Arnold versus the First National Bank. Needless to say, it was a pretty big moment for the old man. And we, in turn, were more than happy to share it with him.
So, how long is this gonna take?
Where's Charlie? He's fifteen minutes late!
Honey...just be patient. He's probably stuck in traffic. You know, with everyone out holiday shopping...
(Banker1 is at the office door in the distance.)
Uh, Mr. Arnold? We're ready for you now.
Uh, what about Barrett? (Gestures.) Shouldn't we wait?
Oh, that won't be necessary. We can start on the preliminaries. (Smiles.)
(Jack looks at Norma.)
Uh, well...here goes nothing. (Smiles.)
Good luck, honey.
Yeah, go get 'em, Dad. (Smiles.)
(Jack smiles and gives a thumbs up, then exits.)
Knock 'em dead.
With that, Dad went to lay claim to his corner of the American dream.
(Jack enters the office.)
Aw, come on in, Jack. Uh, just help yourself, there...(Gestures.)
It was kind of...inspiring.
(Wayne is looking at a small bank booklet, and shakes his finger.)
Hey - if I open up three accounts, I can get the coffee-maker, the toaster, and the can-opener. (Chuckles.)
After all, this was a savings and loan. And in a place like this...
(The phone rings, and Banker2 picks it up.)
Anything could happen.
(On the Phone): Yes, Mr. Barrett. I see. No, I understand.
Well, it is, uh...a bit late, uh...
(Banker2 enters the office.)
I think we may have a problem.
And I mean anything.
Apparently his finances are shakey...he's withdrawn his application.
One thing was clear...
Whatever it was...
That's impossible.
It wasn't good.
Apparently not.
Thank you.
(Jack leaves the office.)
We're sorry, Jack, uh...
(Jack looks at the Arnold's and spreads his arms, then approaches them.)
I don't believe it!
Jack? What happened?
He's not coming - he crapped out! (Frowns.)
Why? (Frowns.)
I'll tell ya why - he doesn't have the money.
It was horrible. And then...
I knew it. (Nods.)
Things got worse.
Let's get the hell outta here. (Frowns.)
(Norma follows him.)
I said...let's go! (Gestures.)
Nice going, butthead!
What'd I say?
(They walk toward the door.)
And with that, there went Christmas. There went that cashmere sweater.
There goes my can-opener.
And we were left with nothing but...a stocking full of coal.
(Cut to Kevin and Norma hanging decorations on the tree as Jack talks on the phone in the den.)
I'm tellin' ya, Harv, it's a terrific opportunity. They've got a solid customer base, and a lot of potential........Well, just let me know, there's a lot of people interested in this.........Yeah. Merry Christmas to you, too.
(Jack hangs up the phone and approaches Kevin and Norma.)
Whoever it was who said holidays were a time for joy and celebration...obviously wasn't hanging around my house that week.
(Norma hands Jack a tree ornament.)
So, how's it going, honey?
Oh...(sighs)...I don't know. I think I've a...(gestures)...couple prospects.
Did ya talk to the bank? Maybe they can help.
(Jack looks at the tree and frowns slightly.)
I don't have enough collateral to carry the whole loan. You know how conservative banks are. But don't worry.
(He smiles and nods slightly.)
Maybe there's a way we can make this work.
Still, even though Dad was doing his best to keep our spirits up...
(Jack holds his hand out.)
Hand me one of those ornaments, huh?
(Kevin hands Jack a red ball.)
Ya had the feeling things weren't exactly tinsel and glitter.
(Jack looks at the tree.)
I don't know...(Frowns.)
(Jack glances toward Norma, then back to the tree.)
Maybe I oughtta make a few more calls. (Nods.)
(Norma smiles as Jack exits.)
And the worst part was...there was nothing we could do to help.

(At night, Kevin is driving home after working at Chong's Chinese.)
Driving home that night, it seemed that the yuletide spirit was everywhere. The suburbs were practically blazing with holiday cheer. It was almost as if every house on every street in America had its Christmas lights on.
(Kevin parks the car in front of the dark house.)
Except one.
(Cut to Kevin finding Jack in the den, crunching numbers on the calculator.)
There was only one light burning in our house.
(Jack puts his hand on some papers on his desk.)
(He looks toward Kevin.)
How's it goin'? (Smiles.)
It's goin'.
(Jack looks at his paper and frowns. Norma approaches behind Kevin, wearing a robe.)
Jack? Honey...tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Don't you think we should put up the lights? (Smiles.)
(Jack frowning at his paper, then looks at more papers on his desk.)
Jack...why don't you come to bed? (Smiles.)
(Jack smiles at Norma, then sighs.)
In a minute, Norma. I just want to run these figures again.
(Norma nods and exits. Jack sips some coffee. Kevin looks after Norma, then at Jack. Jack looks at Kevin as he walks off, then resumes crunching numbers on the calculator.)

(Jack is trying to untangle Christmas lights in the garage.)
Damn these things.
You OK, Dad?
You know I paid a fortune for these things? Almost four bucks.
Yeah. Back in 1946.
You need any help?
Nah...I got some more lights in this box.
I'll give you a hand.
Oh, jeez. I can't do anything right.
Of course I could see he needed help. Something to lighten the mood - take his mind off things.
I ran into Charlie at the mall.
How is he?
Well...he went back to NORCOM.
Yeah, I heard.
Oh. Well, I was just thinking...I bet you could go back. I mean, I bet NORCOM would love to have you back.
I can't go back, Kevin.
Well, sure you can!
Listen! Charlie Barrett did not talk me into this. I did it because I wanted to. I did it because I had to. I did it...because it was time. Ya understand?
Sure, Dad.
Besides, I got better things to do with my life - I gotta untangle these lights, heh-heh.
And the funny thing is, standing there, that winter afternoon - I knew things would be alright. Maybe my father would never be his own boss. But in my eyes, he was something more. He was his own man.
Jack? Hi.
I see you got the lights out.
Yeah...how was shopping?
Fine. Honey, I have to talk to you about something. I think I figured a way to make this work.
Norma, I've been over those figures six ways from Sunday. And without a loan, there's no way to make it work. I don't have enough collateral.
Actually Jack - you do.
What do you mean?
I just went down to the bank.
You did what?
I talked to that loan officer. I told him about your plans and...projections. But mostly - I told him about you. About the kind of man you are. I told them - they should believe in you, the way that I do. They think that's collateral enough.
You did that?
They want to see you on Monday.
I don't know Norma - it's a helluva risk.
I don't think so, Jack.
I guess some gifts are simple. They come from the heart, with a lifetime guarantee.
Come on - let's get these lights up.
And that afternoon, Christmas finally arrived.

(The Arnold's, plus Bonnie, sit around the dinner table set up at the factory. Jack clinks his knife against a glass of champagne.)
I'd like to make a toast.
(Everyone picks up their glass, and Jack stands up.)
That night we skipped the customary dinner at home. Seemed there was a more fitting place to gather.
To, uh, new beginnings. (Smiles.) New possibilities. (Chuckles.) To my family.
(Norma smiles at Kevin, then looks up at Jack.)
And to my girl. Merry Christmas.
(They all reach to the middle of the table, clink glasses, and say "Merry Christmas.")
We stayed up late. We talked about old times, new times. We ate turkey and dressing...and egg rolls. After all, the way I saw it, that year, we had a lot to celebrate.

See also
"Full Transcript"

Thanks to Jeff Kindig for transcribing the last scene.


(Ep 104 - "New Year")

(Kevin wants to go to a ski-lodge with the guys. Norma has just told him Wayne is going to take them to a supper club.)
Yeah, well...thanks but no thanks. (Frowns.)
Kevin! (Frowns.)
Mom! (Frowns.)
Hmmm. Clearly, we were at an impasse.
(Norma sighs and looks down.)
So, faced with a tough decision, Mom did what any fair-minded parent would do.
(Jack enters from the living room, carrying his cup and briefcase.)
Why don't you ask your father, honey? (Nods.)
Ask me what?
Dad - about that New Years eve thing...
(Jack turns toward Kevin.)
You're going, and that's that.
(Jack holds a toaster-waffle in his mouth as he reaches for the door.)
So much for fair-mindedness.
Bye, honey!
(Jack looks over his shoulder at Norma, then looks at Kevin and exits.)

So, while the rest of my teenage world was heading off...
(Kevin turns off the TV and walks toward the kitchen.)
For a New Year's bash in a snow-covered north...I was doomed to a night of...
(Kevin pauses just inside the kitchen doorway. Sound of laughter from Norma, Bonnie and Jack at the table. Norma holds Bonnie's baby on her lap, and Jack is smiling at him.)
I remember the first New Year's eve that Jack and I spent together. I was nineteen and we had dinner with your parents...
You remember?
Yeah, I remember.
(Jack looks at Bonnie and smiles.)

(Wayne enters from the livingroom as Kevin opens the refrigerator.)
OK! Let's get a move on! Seeya there!
OK. You want to take him?
(Wayne reaches for David as Norma lifts him up.)
Wayne - sure I can't help you out with the bill, tonight?
Sorry, Dad. Tonight's my treat. It'll be a night you'll never forget.

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 106 - "Ladies and Gentlemen...The Rolling Stones")

(Kevin has just gotten a speeding ticket.)
Somehow, I was gonna have to explain this to...
(Cut to the Arnold kitchen at dinner. Jack is excitedly gesturing and smiling.)
It was great!
My dad.
(Norma brings a bowl of food and serves Jack.)
This guy, Zeke, comes in, with a cowboy hat, a string tie...and he tells me he needs a truckload...(gestures)...of furniture. (Chuckles.)
That's wonderful, honey. (Smiles.)
It was our biggest order yet!
Still, that night, the furniture gods were smiling on me.
(Kevin slips the ticket out of his pocket.)
Yeah - this was gonna be a piece of cake.
Y-you know that...s-stretch of road on Vine Street? (Smiles.)
Well...yeah, I was driving there this afternoon...(smiles)...and -
(Jack smiles at Norma.)
You know...now it's like the guy wants to be my best friend. (Smiles.)
I know. (Smiles.) His wife called this morning.
She did?
Uh-huh. (Nods.) They want to take us...dancing tomorrow night. (Smiles.)
(Jack hesitates, then nods slightly.)
Square dancing.
(Some square dancing music plays as Kevin frowns.)
(Wayne spits out some food.)
Square dancing? (Laughs.)
(Jack frowns at Wayne, then Norma, and puts his hands together.)
Forget it - we're not going.
Suddenly, I watched his mood change faster than you could say "sons of the pioneers".
Are you sure, honey? (Frowns.) It might be good for business.
(Jack frowns at Norma, then looks off.)
Oh, brother...
pioneers Grab your partner - dos-y-do...
(Jack looks at Wayne.)
(Jack looks at Kevin, who is smiling awkwardly.)
What are you lookin' at?
Nothing. (Shrugs and smiles.)
Now, I may have been a criminal...but I wasn't stupid enought to try my luck right then.
(Kevin slides the ticket back into his pocket.)
Nothing at all.

(At the diner, Kevin has agreed to drive the guys to find the Rolling Stones.)
There was a certain logic to this whole thing. And what did I have to lose?
(Cut to Kevin getting dressed to go out. Norma knocks and enters, waving Kevin's traffic ticket.)
Kevin? Is this yours?
Except my life.
It went through the wash, and I -
(Jack approaches Norma, holding his tie.)
Honey...Honey, could you, uh...
ticket (Jack takes the ticket.)
Oh, what's this?
It's nothing. It's...
It's a speeding ticket. (Frowns.) Is this yours?
I-I don't think so. (Shrugs.)
It's got your name on it.
Oh, yeah! (Points and smiles.) That...that's mine. (Smiles.)
(Jack frowns and approaches Kevin.)
You want to tell me about it?
(Wayne approaches in the doorway.)
Well...Dad, you know Vine Street?
(Jack nods.)
Everyone speeds there.
I don't. (Smiles.)
Stay out of it, Wayne.
(Wayne laughs and exits. Jack turns to Kevin.)
So, what happened?
It's just...some tickets are really unfair.
Yeah, I know they are.
(Jack nods and looks down at the ticket.)
So how fast were you goin'?
Well, that's the thing. That cop didn't even have a radar. He just...guessed!
Come on, Kev - how fast?
I figured this was my father. He'd been in a few scrapes in his life. He'd understand. And even though logic screamed at me not to...
Just...tell me the truth.
Fifty. Tops.
I went with the facts.
(Jack glances over his shoulder at Norma then frowns at Kevin.)
(Jack stuffs the ticket in Kevin's shirt.)
In a thirty mile zone?! (Gestures.) You're grounded! (Exits.)
I may have miscalculated.
(Kevin takes the ticket out of his shirt, and follows Jack and Norma into the living room.)
Dad, can we at least talk about this?
(Jack helps Norma with her coat.)
I don't wanna talk about it.
But -
I don't wanna hear about it.
Dad, I have to go out tonight.
I knew I had to capture the magic, the way Winnie had. This wasn't about one little night out. It was about our dreams, our children.
The Rolling Stones are playing at some dive called "Joe's". (Smiles.)
(Jack pauses as he adjusts his jacket.)
Hmmm. And, if that stirring tribute wasn't enough...
(Sound of a car horn outside playing "Dixie". Jack frowns and looks toward the street.)
What was that?
Hey you, Arnold! Get on out here!
(Wayne looks out the window.)
Whoa, Dad...Roy and Dale are here. (Laughs.)
So, uh...
(Jack pauses and sighs.)
Dad - what do ya say?
oneinch Kevin...I'm going square dancing...(Frowns.) And when I get home, that car of yours better not have moved one inch!...(gestures)...off its oil spot.
And somehow, I knew the man meant every single word.
(Jack frowns and motions Norma outside.)
He even said it in sign-language.
(Jack points a finger at Kevin, then puts his finger and thumb an inch apart, then exits.)

(Kevin took Jack's car to find the Rollong Stones - unsuccessfully. He accidentlally tapped another car, bending the rear bumper. Now, he has just returned home and is walking through the living room.)
My fate hung on my dad's rear end. And as soon as he saw it...no story, no tale...
(Kevin looks out the window.)
No ocean of logic was going to help. Nothing would save me now.
(Zeke pulls into the driveway, and smacks the bumper of Jack's car.)
Is everybody OK?
Ho-ly cow...
(Kevin hurries outside. Jack is holding the trunk open as everyone looks at the bumper.)
I couldn't believe it! It was nothing but a mass of broken metal and busted bolts.
Boy, I did it this time. Guess I'm just gonna have to learn to stop spinnin' yarns when I should be applying brake.
In one clumsy move, the cowboy had given me back my life.
(Jack closes the trunk.)
And of course, there was only one appropriate thing to say.
Sorry, Dad. (Frowns.)
I bet she's...your pride and joy, too.
I'll tell ya what...I'm gonna make this up to ya, western style.
(He slaps Jack's back.)
Our place up north in Sorrowful need of furnishin' right now. And we'll take all the furniture you can make!
Ah, what's a little bumper...(gestures)...between friends, huh? (Smiles.)
And just like that...
I'm glad you feel that way about it. (Smiles.)
Ah, sure...(Smiles.)
(Jack slaps Zeke on the back and they walk off.)
Now, about that furniture...
My father's heartache turned into profit.

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 107 - "Unpacking")

(At Jeff's condo, Jeff has just told Kevin to butt out of his girlfriend problems.)
After all, no skin off my nose. When it came to life's problems, Jeff had his...
(Cut to up a ladder, cleaning the rain gutters with Wayne and Jack.)
And I had mine.
Make sure you get all the leaves and mud outta there.
Yeah, yeah...
The Arnold residence. No pool...just - gutters.
Dad, haven't we done enough work for today?
Yeah. Can't we knock off for a couple of months?
Just keep working.
To my dad, his house was his fortress. His children - his slaves.
(A gutter squeaks and one end falls.)
Oops! Heh-heh-heh.
I don't believe it.
What are we gonna do now?
We...(gestures at Kevin and himself)...go down to the hardware store, and pick up some new fasteners.
Wait a minute. Did he say -
Me? Why me?
Nuh-uh, don't look at me! I work all day.
You're the one who broke it in the first place.
Kevin, you're 16 years old. It's time you had some reponsibilites.
But -
You got until next weekend - you think you could fit it in your schedule?
Thank you.
Still, my father just didn't understand. I had better things to do than shop for gutters.

(At Jeff's again.)
Just leave, will you?
Hey, I didn't have to stay there and be yelled at.
(Cut to Arnold living room.)
What do you mean you didn't get the fasterners yet?
I could be yelled at, at home.
It's Saturday! How we gonna fix the gutters?
Well, I'm sorry, Dad - I forgot! I didn't do it on purpose...
I want you to get dressed, go to the store, and get 'em, right now!
OK, Dad. (Gestures.) Fine. It was nice talkin' to ya.
And don't forget this time.

(Kevin spent all day driving Jeff to see his old girlfriend.)
That day, I thought about a lot of things, like hometowns, like family...The shortcomings, the flaws...
Where the hell have you been?!
The arguments.
And where are those damn fasteners?! You leave here six hours ago, and you come back with nothin'. What's the matter with you - where's your head?!
(Kevin gestures and smiles.)
I love you, Dad!
(Kevin exits to the front door. Jack looks off, perplexed, then toward the door after Kevin closes it.)

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 108 - "Hulk Arnold")

couch Dad! Butthead's going out for wrestling.
(Jack tosses the newspaper into the chair, and looks at Kevin.)
OK. It was time for a little encouraging moral support.
The wrestling team?
(Jack smiles as he loosens his tie, then sits on the couch next to Wayne and Kevin.)
Why? What's wrong with that?
Nothing - it's just a pretty big commitment.
So? I commit! I've committed to lots of things. (Gestures.)

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 112 - "The Little Women")

Mom, we got anymore juice? (Gestures.)
Oh, of course, honey. There you go. And don't eat too fast.
Good eggs, Norma.
Mmmm, good eggs, Mom.
Good eggs.
Nobody makes eggs like your mother.
Any more coffee?
Oh, sure, honey.
Yep, you might say in everything she did, Mom commanded our utmost respect.
Oh, let me help you with that, Norma.
(Jack holds his cup out, but looks at "The Flintsone's" on TV.)
And whether it was pouring our coffee, buttering our toast, or simply washing our socks...we Arnold men supported her, encouraged her. Right up until that day, when...
I've decided to get a job.
A job, Norma?
I think it's time. (Nods.)
It is? (Frowns.)
Course the way we saw it, Mom already had a job. Not that any of us was crass enough to say it.
You already have a job. (Gestures.) Taking care of us! (Frowns.)
Shut up, butthead.
Well, I know. But there's not...too much to take care of around here anymore.
(Jack looks skeptical.)
Karen is gone, you guys are at the office all day...and Kevin's practically in college. Besides, now that I have my degree, I just thought...(shrugs)...maybe I should do something more...(shrugs)...fulfilling.
It was hard to imagine anything more fulfilling...than taking care of us.
Well...if you really feel that way...(gestures)...maybe I could find something for ya down at the factory one or two days a week. (Smiles.)
Which sounded reasonable enough.
Well, actually, Jack, I was thinking of something a little more...fulltime.
Like what, Mom?
I don't know yet. Just...something that I could really...sink my teeth into.
(She smiles, then chomps a piece of toast).
Um, trust me, Norma. Working's a lot different than going to college. (Gestures) A job's a lot of...aggravation and hard work.
I know that, Jack. (Gestures.) But I've decided...to get a job.
(Shot of "The Flintstones" on the TV - Fred drops a bowling ball on his foot. "Whoa-whoa-whoa...!")
To which - given the options - there was really only one response.
On the other hand maybe I can put in a call to Stan Woods. I hear he's expanding.
Thank you, Jack. (Nods.) I appreciate that. (Smiles.)

(In a Chinese Restaurant.)
I can't get over it. Six-fifty. And what was it? A five-eighty?
It was a night filled with eggrolls and triumph.
Well, actually it was a five-ninety. But, ya know, it's no big deal. It's just numbers. It's a...twelve-forty combined.
I'm proud of you, son. (Raises glass.)
Yeah, who would have thought that our little butthead would turn out to be an egghead...(Smiles.)
Thanks. I think.
But the truth was, I had earned the respect of the Arnold men...
I think it's wonderful, honey!
And the woman who loved them.
(The waitress approaches next to Jack, and sets down the check.)
Your check, sir. (Exits.)
I'll, uh, take that. Just send it right over here.
Norma, what are you doing?
Paying the check. I have a little good news of my own. I got a job today.
A job?
What kinda job?
I didn't know you talked with Stan.
Actually I didn't. I just answered an ad in the paper for a job at Micro-Electronics.
Needless to say, this was wonderful news.
Never heard of 'em.
Well, it's a new business, Jack - "computer software". I met with the two partners. They're in their twenties - barely Karen's age. And they hired me on the spot.
Well, that's great, Mom. I'm really proud of you.
Yep, no question about it. Definitely cause for celebration.
So. How much are they paying you? One-twenty-five, one-thirty?
Two-twenty-five a week!
That's more than I make!
Hmmph, not for long. (Smiles.) No way they can stay in business paying the secretary two-twenty-five. (Chuckles.)
Oh, actually I'm not a secretary...(nods)...I'm the comptroller! (Big smile.)

(Dinner at the Arnold's.)
And the technology these people work with is absolutely fascinating. (Smiles.) Did I tell you that we're introducing a whole new product line?
It wasn't long before my mother began basking in the excitement of her new-found career.
And guess what? I discovered today that I can amortize the cost of development over our entire fiscal year. (Smiles.)
And as she shared the joys of her new challenge, we reacted like men everywhere.
That way, we'll be able to expand our base...
We began to feel shortchanged.
That's great - now what are the chances that we get some -
(Norma sets a basket of rolls on the table.)
There you are. Of course, we're still trying to keep the prices down - but, over all...
(Jack sighs and takes a roll.)
And the more we began to feel shortchanged, the more we became...suspicious!
(Kevin frowns and sniffs a roll.)
So, where the heck is the -
(Norma sets some butter on the table.)
Anyone need butter?
Did I tell you I'm working with Pat Banks on this? She's the vice-president.
(Jack smiles, uninterested.)
Can you imagine that? Here are the beans.
Beans! (Frowns.)
Where are the -
And the -
(N & W) Potatoes.
Let's see. Um...guess we're all set!
But no matter how Mom tried to ply us with butter and beans...we weren't fooled.
(Jack looks blankly toward the center of the table.)
Not us.
(Jack suddenly looks up.)
Wait a minute! Look!
(Norma frowns as Jack's shoeless foot comes into view, as he noisily drops it on the table, rattling the dishes. His big toe sticks out of his sock. Jack frowns.)
I got a hole...(points)...in my sock!
(Jack nods and smiles with satisfaction at the boys off-screen.)

(Kevin returns after his date, and finds Jack lying on the couch, under a blanket, watching "Attack of the 50-foot Woman" on TV.)
Meanwhile, back at the castle.
What are you doing on the couch?
You tell me. Women! (Shakes his head.) Phhh- .
Yeah, tell me about it.
Know what I mean?
Yeah. Women.
It was one of the most in-depth conversations on the subject to date.
(Norma approaches.)
(She holds out Jack's socks like a yo-yo.)
Your socks.
(Jack smiles at Norma, embarrassed.)
Good night!

(Kevin and Winnie meet Jack and Norma at the bowling alley, unexpectedly.)
What are you doin' here? (Smiles.)
I don't know, I...just felt like bowling.
Hmmm. It seemed Dad must have heard that same primordial scream.
(Jack turns slightly toward Norma off-screen.)
Oh, hi, Mrs. Arnold!
Hi. What a surprise!
So, you two wanna join us?
Sure! Why not? (Smiles.)
What could be better? A night at the lanes. Guys doing guy-things.
Winnie, I love your outfit! (Smiles.)
Oh, thanks. (Smiles.) Oh, I really like your hair like that.
Chicks talking chick-things. Just the way the big guy upstairs intended it.
I heard about your SAT scores - I am really proud of you!
Wait a minute!
(Kevin frowns, Winnie smiles.)
Thanks! Oh, and I heard about your job. That sounds wonderful!
Are we gonna bowl, or what?
Yeah, let's get started. Norma? (Points) You go first.
After all, there was no sense wasting time on idle chit-chat. There was a game to be played here.
Come on, Mrs. Arnold! Knock'em all down.
I'm not really very good at this. (Smiles.)
(Kevin and Jack are at the scoring table.)
(K & J) That's OK...!
(Norma awkwardly lifts the ball. Kevin and Jack look at each other and smile.)
Yeah, it was perfect. Until...something happened. Mom's ball began what was to become the longest single trek in the history of bowling. Its momentum was relentless. Its progress inexorable. There was an inevitability to the fate of that roll...that carried a message that resounded across the country.
(Kevin and Jack turn toward each other. Kevin looks surprised, Jack looks angry.)
(The last pin topples over.)
Yes! Ahhahaahah! I don't believe it!
Good shot - you got 'em all down.
I got a strike, Jack!
(Jack glances at Norma and smiles quickly.)
Did you see that?!
And something cracked.
(Jack looks up and frowns. Kevin is looking off.)
What the hell. Let's make it the men...versus the women.
(Jack flips the light on, and frowns at the women off-screen.)
And the devil take the hindmost.
Great idea!
(Four separate shots of balls rolling strikes. Beethoven's Ninth Symphony plays through the scene.)
(Shot of Jack jerking his fist.)
(Jack turns sideways, and does a little swivel-dance.)
(More shots of rolling balls hitting pins.)
The next hour saw one of the greater bowling displays of that, or any other, season. Not by the Arnold women...By the Arnold men!
(Jack gets a strike and celebrates.)
We had it all, Dad and I.
(Jack turns, smiles, and gestures behind him as he struts back toward the table.)
And we weren't afraid to use it. For the next thirty frames we took off the gloves.
(Kevin rolls a strike and celebrates.)
(Jack smiles and gestures as he marks the score.)
We showed no mercy. We slaughtered 'em.
(Kevin and Jack hug and spin around. Winnie and Norma are laughing at the guys.)
(K & J) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And when it was over...I think they were impressed.
(Jack and Kevin are side-by-side, holding the score-card between them, smiling at each other, then at the women.)
I know we were.

(Jack's Car.)
See, it's all a matter of form. (Gestures.) You wanna put your whole body into the ball...and let your momentum do the work - then release. (Smiles and gestures.)
That's wonderful, honey. (Smiles.)

See also
"Full Transcript"


(Ep 113 - "Reunion")

(In an airplane, Jack is looking a little airsick.)
Look, Jack! (Smiles.) Sylvia Miller's chairing the reunion committee. (Smiles.) I haven't seen her in twenty five years! (Smiles broadly.)
pie You got it - my mother's high school reunion.
(Jack looks off and sighs slightly.)
Oh, look, honey - there's going to be a picnic on Saturday...and a pie-eating contest! (Smiles.)
(Jack frowns and tosses a pen into his briefcase.)
Norma - please...
(Wayne is terrified as Kevin looks off blandly.)
Hey...was that the wing? (Laughs.)
Yeah, it was gonna be...
(Jack opens a barf-bag.)
Some fun...
(Norma pats Jack's arm.)
It'll be fine.
(Norma rubs Jack's arm as she looks at the invitation.)

(Outside Norma's parents' house, Norma and her parents chat.)
Homecoming at the grand-parents. We saw them, oh...about once every century.
(Jack tiredly approaches with four suitcases and pauses in the walkway.)
Hi! (Frowns.)
(Norma's parents quiet down.)
How's everybody?
Maybe there was a reason.
(Norma's mother, Jane, looks over her shoulder toward Norma and her dad, Karl.)
Well, why don't we come on inside?
(Jane nudges Norma toward the door.)
You must be exhausted from your trip. Come on, come on...
Maybe it was Dad.
(Karl looks at Jack and gestures.)
Well...better get that luggage inside, before some of the local kids make off with it.
(Karl puts his tongue in his cheek and goes inside.)

(In the living room.)
You could say this for the oldsters...they loved their only daughter.
(Jack enters, closes the door with his foot and drops the suitcases onto the floor.)
If not their only son-in-law.
Here we are...(Smiles.)
(Jane looks at Norma.)
Well, how was the trip?
Uh, it was...OK.
Except...Dad got a little sick.
(Jack frowns at Wayne.)
Well, uh...it's just that the flight was a little bumpy, Mom.
(Jane looks at Jack.)
diarrhrea You're not going to get sick again, are you? (Frowns.)
No, I don't think so. (Nods.)
Because Roger gave us this great antacid. (Nods.)
(Jane leans slightly closer and lowers her voice a little.)
It's good for diarrhea, too. (Nods.)
No, really...I'm just...
(Jane looks at Norma.)
Roger's a doctor, you know...(Smiles.)
Mother...(smiles)..Roger's been a doctor for fifteen years, now. (Nods.)
And a darned good one. (Nods.)
He's just been named...chief-of-staff...at County General! (Smiles.) Isn't that impressive?
And, of course, it was very impressive.
(Jack rests his arm against the wall, sighs, and looks down.)
Just one little question, here.
Who's Roger? (Frowns.)
A long time ago...
Mother...we don't have to get into this right now, do we?
I suppose not.
Besides, we should probably unpack before dinner. Don't ya think, honey?
(Jack perks up slightly.)
Yeah. Sure. (Smiles.)
So, Jack, uh...been workin' on your gin game? (Smiles.)
Yeah. Sure. (Smiles.)
Good. Cuz I thought after dinner, you and I might have a friendly little game...what do you say?
Fine, Karl...
(Jack spreads his arms, then pats Karl's shoulders.)
Fine. (Nods.)
(Jack picks up a suitcase.)
Yeah - ya had to hand it to Dad. No matter how cold the shoulder...he hung in there.
(Jack looks off and sighs.)
Like a man at the gallows.
Where do I put these? (Smiles.)
Why, in Norma's old room, of course. (Giggles.)

(At dinner, Jack eats disinterestedly.)
Furniture, huh?
Oh, I was just telling Daddy how well your furniture business is doing, honey.
Uh...yeah, we've been pretty successful so far. (Smiles.)

(Later, Jane is talking about Roger again.)
Mother, we don't have to hear more about Roger. Do we? (Smiles.)
Of course not, dear.
(She looks down. Sound of the doorbell. Jane looks up.)
There he is now. (Smiles.) He can tell you himself.
(Norma glances toward the door, then toward Jack.)
Oh...(Sighs.) Good...(Smirks.)

(Later in the scene, Jack and Karl play cards as the others chat.)
Aha! Gin! Well, it looks like you're down another forty points, Jack. (Laughs.)
Honey, everybody's going to be so thrilled ...to see you two at the picnic tomorrow. (Smiles.)
roger Jack and I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I meant you and Roger, dear. (Smiles.)
You know, sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I hadn't gone away to medical school.
(Jack bangs the table, then stands up.)
(Jack turns around, making a face.)
It was clear the big guy had had his fill of this malarkey.
(Jack yawns and stretches.)
I'm goin' to bed.
Night, honey. Get some rest. (Nods.)
Goodnight, Jack.

(At the reunion picnic, Norma chats with female friends.)
While Mom was having the time of her teenage life...
(Wayne, Kevin and Jack stand near a large tree. Wayne is drinking from a bottle as Kevin and Jack repair baseball gloves.)
The Arnold men were getting old - fast.
This is a lot of fun. (Frowns.) Can I borrow the car?
What? Why?
Well, I think I should spend more time with Grandpa - he won't be around forever, ya know. (Shrugs.)
(Jack frowns.)
He said so himself. (Gestures.)
What are you gonna do - count the silverware?
(Wayne laughs briefly.)
I'm on to the china.
(Wayne holds his hand out and Jack puts the keys in his hand.)
I want ya back in two hours.
No problem.
(Jack starts to work on his glove as Wayne makes a fist and smiles as he exits.)
Which pretty much narrowed it down to the two of us.
Hey, fellas...
(Roger approaches the guys. Jack glances at him, then back to his glove.)
Great turnout. (Smiles.)
That contest should be starting soon. You game?
I think I'll pass. (Nods.)
(Jack continues to fix his glove.)
Right. Can't say as I blame ya. If I didn't work out like a madman...
(Roger pats his stomach and glances off.)
I wouldn't dare enter, myself.
(Jack and Kevin look at each other.)
No comment.
(Jack looks at his glove again.)
So, this, uh...furniture business of yours...I understand it's handcrafted work.
(Jack rubs his nose and looks between his glove and Roger.)
We use, uh...hardwood frames...dowels in all the joints...
So, what'd you have to do for that - go to, um...furniture school? (Smiles.)
(Roger chuckles, and Jack smiles.)
I'm getting a beer...
(Jack slaps his glove into Kevin's stomach and walks past the camera.)

(Later, Jack and Roger line up for the sack race.)
Need a bigger sack, there, Jack? (Chuckles.)
(Jack frowns.)
After all, when push came to shove...
This'll do fine. (Nods.)
back Dad was never one to turn down a challenge. No matter how stupid.
(The starter fires his pistol and everyone hops off.)
And in the end...it all hinged on one thing.
(Jack makes a face, then slows up, holding his back. He grimaces and collapses.)
(Cut to the living room.)
My father's bad back.
(Roger is bent over Jack, who is lying on the couch, grimacing in pain.)
Does that hurt?
(Jack winces.)
(Roger nods as he slides his hand out from under Jack's back.)
Thought it might.
(Roger pats Jack's shoulder.)
A little doctor humor...
Yeah, thanks.

(Later in the scene, Jane complains that Norma now can't go to the dance.)
Norma, I think you should go.
Jack...(Giggles.) You can't even move.
Your mother's right. It's your big night. Ya came all this way...you shouldn't miss it because of me. You should go. (Nods.)
Absolutely not.
Maybe Roger could take you.
(Jack nods slightly, then smiles.)
What?! (Frowns.)
That's a good idea! (Smiles.)
(Jack closes his eyes as he tries to get comfortable.)
And with that, the wheels came off.

(Later, Roger pulls up outside.)
Oh, honey, you're sure this is OK?
Absolutely. (Nods.)
Awright, then. Bye.
(Norma leans over the couch and kisses Jack.)
Don't be too late. (Smiles.)
I watched my mother waltz out the door for the night of her life.
(Karl lays his cards down. Jack sighs.)
And for all that, Dad's only response was...
(Jack looks at Karl's cards and chuckles.)
Your deal or mine? (Smiles.)

gin (Kevin returns after getting chased though the neighborhood by the family dog.)
Gin! (Gestures.) That's three straight hands! Hah!
Yeah, ya got me again, Karl.
(Jack shows Karl the cards in his hand. Karl grunts.)
My mother was AWOL...my father had turned into a punching bag...

(Later in the scene, Wayne finds out Karl's family members live into their nineties, which will postpone Wayne's future inheritance. Wayne and Karl exit, and Jack picks up the cards.)
(Jack glances over his shoulder toward Kevin.)
This is perfect.
What's wrong with you?
And that just about did it.
Me? (Gestures.) What's wrong with me ?
(Jack looks at Kevin blankly.)
It was time to tell 'em exactly how I felt. About him...about Mom...about the stupid gin games, and the dumb boyfriends and the idiotic dog...
(Kevin gestures with both arms.)
I hate this place!
(Jack looks at him blankly.)
Yeah. That was it - in a nutshell.
(Jack pauses, then chuckles and looks at the cards.)
What's so funny? (Frowns.)
You're starting to sound just like your mother. (Smiles.)
What?! (Frowns.)
You heard me. (Smiles.)
Yeah, but Mom loves this place. (Gestures.)
Yeah, for a day or two, maybe. Trust me. (Nods.) Twenty-one years ago, she couldn't wait to get out.
You're kidding...
Ah...your mother wanted more from life than what a small town like this had to offer.
So why didn't she tell Grandma and Grandpa about it? She never says a word.
(Jack looks off.)
She used to.
(Jack nods slightly and looks at Kevin.)
They couldn't hear her. (Smiles.) Parents are like that sometimes.
And I guess right about then...a few things started to fall into place.
(Norma enters.)
You're home early!
Yeah...I know.
How was it?
(Norma hesitates slightly.)
It was...(nods)...fine. (Nods.) But when the time comes for my thirtieth reunion...
Let's tear it up.BR> (Jack smiles.)
Maybe a lot of things.
(Jack chuckles.)
How was Roger? (Smiles.)
Roger...(Smiles.) Roger's the same old jerk he always was.
(Jack and Norma laugh.)
(Jack grimaces in pain.)
Oooh, honey, sorry!
(Jane approaches on the stairway.)
So how was the dance? (Smiles.)
Actually...it was a little boring. (Nods.)
But you had a good time? (Nods.)
Yeah. (Nods.) I did.
After all, maybe there are some things in life that just can't be changed. A child's hopes. A parent's dreams.
Well, goodnight, everyone. (Exits.)
G'night. (Smiles.)
(Norma turns to Jack.)
So...did you let Dad beat you?
Just enough to make him happy.
(Jack looks at Norma and smiles.)
(Norma smiles and rubs Jack's head.)
And maybe, when it comes to families...that's all for the best.
Why don't we take a little walk?
(Jack frowns as he takes his feet off the coffee-table.)
Oh, oh, Jack - what about your back?
(Norma rises and helps Jack up.)
Well, I'm down - but I'm not out. Oh...
No. No, I'll bet you're not.
(Norma pats Jack on the back and the slowly exit past Kevin.)
Night, son.

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11/18/14 19:15