The Pfeiffer's



(Ep 19 - "Birthday Boy")

Have some more chicken, Kevin. I made it especially for you.
That's right. That's why it's called chicken Kievin.
Dinner at the Pfeiffer's. It was always an experience.
(Alvin holds up a bottle of ketchup.)
OK, Kevin...what's that say?
Alvin Pfeiffer - optometrist. I was the only person he knew with 20-20 vision. He loved me.
Ketchup. (Gestures.)
Incredible. What a kid, huh? What a kid.
Al, leave him alone, he's eating. Some more potatoes, Kevin?
Ida Pfeiffer - mom extroardinaire. I think I was the only one she knew who really liked her scalloped potatoes. She loved me.
Debbie, don't slouch - and get your elbows off the table, please - I just put that down fresh.
Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister...
(She chews and glances toward Kevin. Kevin glances at Debbie, then down at his food and back, slightly worried.)
The only girl I ever knew to whom I was her concept of the ideal male form. She really loved me.
(Kevin looks down, slightly embarrassed, then toward Ida brightly.)
Uh, great chicken, Mrs. Pfeiffer. (Smiles.)
Chicken. That reminds me of a story. (Smiles.)
(Alvin frowns and looks down slightly as everyone groans.)
And Grandpa Pfeiffer. He had a thousand stories...and I was the only person who hadn't heard them all a thousand times.
(Ida rolls her eyes. Debbie covers her mouth.)
And so, of course...
(Grandpa looks at Kevin and points.)
Kevin. When I was your age...
He loved me.
Like my grandson to your right...(gestures)...I too, had a bar mitzvah. Cousin *Heshy*, cousin *Moshe*, and myself. (Gestures.) And we were very poor...so all these fancy-shmancy gifts that you kids get today...they weren't around. So do you know...
(Paul starts to smirk.)
What I got...
(Alvin looks bored.)
For my bar mitvah? My entrance into manhood? (Gestures.)
(ALL PFEIFFER'S): A chicken...
That's right! A chicken! It doesn't sound like much, but in those days it was like gold. (Gestures.) So I took this chicken...and I put him on some hay outside the school. And I started on my Baruch. (Frowns.) I was very, very nervous, let me tell ya. (Gestures.) Sweat pouring from every part of my body.
Oh, Dad. Dad, dad. (Frowns.)
I was standing up there, doing my thing...when in walks the chicken - right in front of the *beema*...sits down...(gestures)...starts to cluck! And "pop"...
(Grandpa makes a makes a face and a big gesture.)
Out pops an egg!
You must have been really mad. (Smiles.)
Mad? No, no. I had no right to be mad. (Gestures.) It was my bar mitzvah gift, and as my father always said...
(ALL PFEIFFER'S): Never look a gift chicken in the mouth!
(Debbie covers her eyes with her hands.)
My family is so weird.
Oh, this is a great occasion. My family's here, my grandson's friend...(gestures)...is here. So, Paul, tell me...
Yeah?
You studied hard? (Nods.)
Yeah.
You know all your prayers?
Uh-huh. (Nods.)
Then...(points)...I have something for you. (Nods.)
(Grandpa reaches down beside his chair.)
I wondered what it would be. Money? Stock options? His own car?
(Grandpa holds out a book with gold-edged pages.)
The prayer book that I used to deliver my Baruch. On that fateful night of the chicken. My grandfather gave it to me. And tonight...(nods)...I wish to give it to you.
(Grandpa hands the book toward Paul. Paul takes it and looks at it.)
Wow...
Pop, he'll get stains all over it. Can't it wait until we clear the table at least?
No, it can not. (Gestures). My grandson...(Smiles.) Here...
(Grandpa holds his glass, looking seriously at Paul.)
You are on the verge of becoming a man. You are about to inherit the love, the joy...(nods)...the bitterness of our people. Their tradition. From my grandfather, to my father...to me...to my son...and now to you. (Points.)
(Grandpa smiles, then looks serious, and raises his glass.)
Masletov.
Maseltov.
(Paul holds his glass up, looking at Grandpa.)
Maseltov.
(They clink glasses. Kevin lifts his glass.)
Maseltov. (Smiles.)

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(Ep 52 - "Little Debbie")

(Clips of performers and screaming fans.)
Every generation has its idols. Guys who were our heroes. Guys who defined "cool". Guys who drive chicks crazy. My generation produced a ton of these guys - The Beatles, Mick Jagger, and of course, Yours Truly. OK, so I didn't have a Top 10 single. I did have the one thing every teen idol needs.
(Cut to the lockers.)
(Sighs) Hi...
A fan. Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister.
Hi, Debbie.
Hi...Kevin...
(Cut to the bus. Debbie rises and turns toward Kevin behind her.)
Hi, Kevin! (Smiles.)
Debbie was a seventh-grader now, and, to put it mildly, she thought I put the moon in the sky...and told the stars to shine.
Hi, Debbie.
(Debbie waggles her fingers.)
Hi! (Smiles.)
(Cut to another day, walking home after school. Debbie and Kevin are on opposite sides of the street.)
Hi, Kevin! (Waves.)
It was kinda flattering, I guess. It was also kinda...nauseating. And the worst thing was...
(Kevin looks around nervously, then hides behind the tree.)
No matter how hard I tried to ignore it...
Kevin? (Frowns.)
It...wouldn't ignore me.
(Kevin walks a few steps, hesitates, smiles uncomfortably at Debbie, and waves slightly.)
Hi, Debbie.
Not to seem insensative, but...a man of my years had more important things to think about, than moony little girls.
Hi! (Waves.)
(Cut to another day at the Pfeiffer's house. Paul and Kevin arrive to see Ida hemming Debbie's dress as Alvin stands by.)
Debbie honey, you'll be the prettiest girl there!
I have to take my sister to a stupid cotillion dance Friday night.
It's not stupid!
Paul, we've been over this.
Mom, she's ruining my life!
I'd be proud to take her. My little girl on my arm. (Smiles.) I do a mean foxtrot!
(Debbie frowns and glances at Kevin, then Alvin.)
Daddy! (Frowns.)
Alvin, she's not going with her father. She's going with her brother...
Why can't she find somebody else?
Because there isn't anybody else.
Heh-heh. You almost had to feel sorry for old Pfeiff. Still, this was a domestic squabble. None of my business. At least...not yet.
(Debbie looks toward Kevin.)
I guess....(shrugs)...I'd just rather go with Paul, if I can't go with somebody...really nice...
(She glances off, then back to Kevin.)
Or...really neat. (Smiles.)
Uh-oh! The president of my fan club was calling for a personal appearance.
(Alvin turns toward Kevin.)
Come to think of it...
(Ida turns toward Kevin.)
So was the whole fan club. Time for a little good old-fashioned diplomacy.
Come on, Paul - let's study at my house.
(Debbie's smile fades.)
Yep - the old Arnold tact.
*
(Paul has told Kevin that Debbie is going to ask him to her cotillion dance. Now, Kevin is in the boys' room.)
I was gonna have to hide in the boys' room.
(Kevin emerges from a stall.)
Heck. The kid couldn't ask me if she couldn't find me.
(The bell rings and Kevin walks toward the door.)
Sure...
(Cut to the hallway as opens the restroom door slightly and peeking out.)
Maybe I'd be a little late for class. It was worth it.
(Kevin timidly steps into the hallway.)
After all, the last thing I wanted to have to face was...
(Kevin smiles, then turns around to see Debbie sitting on the steps, holding her books to her chest. She stands up.)
Hi, Kevin! (Smiles.)
Rats!
Hi, Debbie. (Smiles.)
(Debbie approaches.)
God, that face. Kinda like a kamikaze pilot on her final run.
Kevin? I was just wondering...See, I have this cotillion coming up on Friday...
(Debbie looks off.)
And it would really mean a lot to me if...
(She looks down.)
Well...
I found myself hoping for an earthquake. A sudden nuclear attack, but of course...life is never that forgiving.
Would you...go with me?
And so, we'd arrived. The final showdown. Unpleasant as it might be...it was time to break a heart.
Listen, Debbie...
(Kevin frowns and shakes his head. Debbie slowly looks down.)
OK...
Oh! (Smiles and sighs.) Oh! (Smiles.)
(She turns and trots up the stairs. She stops on the landing and looks toward Kevin.)
Oh! (Smiles.)
Kinda the way Elvis might have handled it.
(Fade to evening on the road.)
So, you boys think the Wildcats have a shot at a good season?
Uh...sure. Definitely.
(Paul glances worriedly toward Kevin.)
By that Friday night, my ex-best friend was on his way to cheerleader heaven. Whereas I was on my way...to cotillion hell.
(Debbie looks at Kevin.)
This must be the most beautiful corsage any man gave any woman. You're so thoughtful. (Smiles.)
It was nothing. (Smiles.)
And it wasn't. I'd been shanghai'd into this.
(Paul glances slightly at Kevin, then looks forward.)
And I knew by whom.
Do you like my earrings? My Grandma gave me these. (Smiles.) They're for really special occasions like tonight.
Ah. Well. (Smiles.)
(Debbie reaches for her glasses.)
Do I look better with my glasses on...
(She pulls her glasses off.)
Or off?
(She knocks off an earring with the earpiece of her glasses.)
Oops. My earring.
(Debbie leans far forward to hunt for the earring on the floor. Kevin frowns slightly and looks at her rear end which is now pointing up.)
Excuse me!
It was obvious...
(Cut to the parking lot as they arrive.)
This was going to be a long, long night.
(Alvin stops the car and turns it off.)
OK, Paulorooski, this is it. Let's get the **** from the trunk. (Gestures.)
OK, Dad.
I know it's here, somewhere.
This much was clear. If I was gonna get through this evening, there was only one thing to do.
Excuse me!
(Kevin gets out of the car.)
I was gonna have to bail.
(Kevin joins Alvin and Paul at the rear of the car.)
Have fun, son!
Sure, Dad.
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
Seeya. (Exits.)
Ah, kids today.
Mr. Pfeiffer?
Hmmm.
I think we should talk. About tonight.
Ohhh. (Nods.) I get it. Guy to guy. (Nods.)
Uh, yeah.
Kev, I think I understand what's on your mind. And, believe it or not...I've been in your same situation myself.
At last. A man who understood.
(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)
Maybe I could catch up with Paul, before...
(Alvin puts a hand on Kevin's shoulder as he is about to walk off.)
I want you to know...I trust you with my daughter.
You do?
I'm proud of ya, son!
"Son"?
Tell ya what. Here's five dollars, in case you kids want to get some ice-cream later or something. Show her...the time of her life, son. (Nods.) "Sunrise, sunset - swiftly flow the years".
(Alvin frowns and holds back tears. Debbie approaches.)
Kevin?
(She holds up the earring.)
I found it. (Smiles.)
Oh. (Nods.) Good.
Seedlings turn overnight...to sunflowers.
(Alvin hugs the kids.)
I had only one option left. If I couldn't escape...
(Cut to the dance hall as Kevin and Debbie enter.)
Maybe I could just blend in with the crowd.
(They pause side-by-side and Debbie holds Kevin's arm and smiles. Two rows of kids look at them, as a big "ta-da" of music blares and a spotlight swings around toward them. A woman at a microphone reads from a small card.)
Miss Deborah Cecile Pfeiffer, escorted by Kevin Arnold.
(Debbie smiles, and Kevin looks slightly shocked.)
No autographs. Please.
(Cut to "later" as many couples dance. Kevin and Debbie are in the refreshment line.)
Are you having a good time?
Uh, yeah. Great.
(A lady hands a cup of punch to Kevin, who hands it to Debbie.)
Over the next hour-and-a-half, I was starting to feel like a prize heifer.
My, what a fine catch!
Or, a two-hundred pound marlin. And through it all, little Debbie was stuck to my side.
(They stop at some cookies.)
Like glue.
(Kevin reaches for one.)
Not like that.
Huh?
Use the tongs, silly. (Smiles.)
Oh. Yeah. (Smiles.) Right.
It all looks so beautiful, doesn't it? I mean, I feel so lucky. (Smiles.)
Which she was. Still, I'd made up my mind. I was gonna make the best of this - come hell or high water.
And now everyone...it's time for our Sweetheart Waltz.
And then the rains came.
And leading us off will be Deborah Pfeiffer and Kevin Arnold.
See, I told you I felt lucky! (Smiles.)
There was just one small problem here - I didn't know how to waltz.
(Debbie grabs his hand and pulls forward.)
Come on!
(Debbie leads Kevin to the center of the dance floor. The band plays "Try To Remember" as the spotlight follows Kevin and Debbie.)
So, in front of two hundred thousand gawking seventh-graders...I prepared to make a fool of myself.
(They start to dance, somewhat woodenly.)
It was humiliating. There I was...Kevin Arnold, teen hero...stumbling like a lame duck through the single longest waltz in recorded history.
(Debbie counts silently and nods slightly to Kevin.)
And to make matters worse, I was being led through it, step by clumsy step...by a little girl.
(Fade to "Later" as more couples are dancing.)
But at least now the hard part was over.
(The music winds down, and most kids clap gently.)
Now, finally...little Debbie would realize her hero had two left feet - both of them clay.
Kevin you were great! (Smiles.)
Huh? (Frowns.)
Oh, Kevin, this must be the most wonderful night of my life! I mean, who would have thought - you and me waltzing! I feel just like...
(She pulls her glasses off.)
Cinderella. (Smiles.)
That's when I knew, once and for all...Debbie Pfeiffer's love for me...
(Debbie looking up and squints.)
Was blind.
Ladies and gentlemen...don't forget that souvenir pictures are being taken under the trellis. (Gestures.)
Do you want to have our picture taken?
Faced with such untarnished emotion...such completely undeserved adoration...I knew what I had to do.
I'm gonna go get some punch.
OK...
Sure, maybe it was brutal...but it was time she faced the truth.
*
(Later, Debbie finds Kevin near the pool outside.)
Kevin? Where'd you go? I've been looking all over for you.
Uh...I, uh...I had to get some air. (Gestures.)
You don't want to have your picture taken with me, do you? (Frowns.)
No. Debbie, that's not it.
I guess the whole thing was just pretty stupid.
(She starts to cry. She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes, then her ear, knocking off an earring. They watch it fall into the pool.)
I don't really know what came over me next. Maybe it was the hurt in her eyes. And maybe it was because I knew I had put it there.
(Kevin dives into the pool and retrieves the earring. He gets out of the pool and takes a few steps in front of Debbie, who is smiling in mild disbelief.)
Or maybe it just boiled down to one thing.
(He holds the earring out toward her.)
You dropped this.
But I knew it was more than that.
(Band music plays in the background.)
You want to dance?
Sure. (Smiles.)
(They dance.)
Heck - I was no Superman. Not really, anyway. But if Debbie Pfeiffer needed a hero...so be it. She had plenty of time to grow up, and figure it out on her own. After all, a little stardust in the eyes never hurt anybody. Least of all, me.
(Fade to inside. Kevin and Debbie are standing side-by-side as she holds his arm and they smile at each other.)
As for Mr. Pfeiffer's five dollars...we put it to good use.
(Kevin looks at the camera, smiling. Click and flash of a camera. The frame freezes in black-and-white.)
We got the eight-by-ten, and a dozen wallet-size.



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(Ep 70 - "The Lake")

(Jack and Alvin are fishing off opposite sides of a small boat dock.)
Lake Wennahatchee. For one week that summer of 1971, my family and Paul Pfeiffer's rented side-by-side cabins along its placid shores.
Dammit! (Frowns.)
It was a place to get away from the aggravations of modern suburban life...
(Alvin smiles and reels in.)
I got one!
Escape from the petty everyday competition.
Ha, ha, hahhhhh. Ha, ha.
(Alvin holds up a fish and shows it to Jack. Jack smirks and growls at Alvin.)
Jack...Honey? Hotdogs or hamburgers for dinner?
We're gonna have fish, dammit!
(Jack reels in, and a clump of lake-plant swings past on his line.)
The kind of paradise that made you wish you could stay forever.
(The men continue to fish. Cut to the Pfeiffer cabin. Kevin stands at the door and knocks.)
Paul, let's go!
(V/O): I'm coming! I'm putting on bugspray.
Well, hurry up!
And that was me, Kevin Arnold. And that August there was pretty much only one thing on my mind.
Paul, come on, let's get outta here!
(Debbie snatches the door open and beams at Kevin. Paul is putting on bugspray in the background. Debbie moves into the doorway.)
Hi, Kevin...(Smiles.)
(Kevin glances quickly at her.)
Hi, Deb. Paul, come on.
(Kevin walks off. Paul hurries out.)
Move!
(Paul barges past Debbies arm. Kevin and Paul walk away from the cabin. Debbie walks out to the porch.)
Where are you going?
None of your business.
Where we went didn't matter. Getting away was all that counted.
*
(Around the picnic table.)
You sure you don't want some of my trout, Jack? Plenty of it.
Hamburger's fine, thank you...(Frowns.) Tomorrow I'll show you how to catch a real fish.
(Alvin smiles and gestures as he sets the plate down. Jack smiles, and looks at Kevin.)
Right, Kev?
(Kevin looks up suddenly, and glances around.)
Whatever.
All the family togetherness was more than my adolescent soul could take. What I needed was...
(Sound of a honking horn in the distance.)
A saviour.
(Sound of a car backfiring. Wayne and Wart approaching in Wayne's car. The car squeals to a stop. Wayne hops out, and his car emits a big backfire as he lands. Wart climbs out. Wayne perfunctorily straightens clothes and hair as they approach. Wayne grabs a hamburger.)
Sorry we're late.
You guys were supposed to be here three hours ago!
Yeah, well, we uh...took the scenic route, hnnn. Tell him, Wart!
Hehehe, we took the scenic route.
That was Wayne's buddy Dave Wirtshafter. Everybody called him "Wart". Hard guy to look at.
Say, I have a fun thought for tonight. How about a campfire!
(Debbie looks at Kevin and smiles.)
Sounds good to me, Mom!
Oh, no...
*
(Kevin and Paul sit on the boat ramp with their feet in the water. In the distance between them is Jack, fishing in his hip boots.)
I guess somehow, I just kept hoping something would happen.
Ahhhhhh!
(Kevin and Paul quickly turn to see Ida and Debbie half-running out of the cabin.)
And then it did.
Look...
(Ida holds up something in her hand.)
Alvin, look at this.
(Debbie stands next to Ida, as Ida holds up Paul's condom, and Alvin approaches them.)
What is this?
(Paul reaches for his wallet, concerned.)
(V/O): What is this?
Oh my Gosh! My wallet!
(Echo of "What's this?!", and the sound of Jack reeling in, as the camera zooms in very close on the condom package Ida holds out at arms' length.)
(V/O): I got one! I got one!
Guess you could call it a red-letter day.
(Jack holds up a fish.)
Hah?

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(Ep 79 - "Pfeiffer's Fortune")

(Clips of Arnold and Pfeiffer families at a barbeque.)
Whenever I look back on growing up in the suburbs, there's one thing I remember most clearly. Our neighbors, the Pfeiffer's...were always there. But we were more than just neighbors. We were like one big happy family. And at the heart of it all...were our dads - the men who set the tone. My dad, the athlete...
(Jack tosses a football. Alvin catches the ball on his head and staggers slightly in jest.)
And Paul's dad, the optometrist. Under their watchful eyes...our families grew, and prospered. One for all, and all for one. Until, that is, things started to change.
(Bell rings. Cut to outside Paul's school.)
Hey, it's the Pfeiff - how ya doin'?
Great, man.
Take Paul goin' to prep school, for instance.
"Pfeiff"? What - is that like "Barney Fife"?
Well, actually, it's..."The Pfeiff".
Oh, oh - I'm sorry. From now on, you can call me..."The Kev". (Smiles.)
But the changes weren't just about nicknames.
Man, I got a ton of homework.
Me, too.
I have a three page report on Evangeline due by tomorrow.
I got forty five pages...on economic imperialism. Typed.
You win.
Oh, big prize.
And they didn't stop at academic differences, either.
(Cut to the Pfeiffer living room. Shot of a western on TV.)
There were other changes, too. Bigger changes.
Oh, Alvin - it's wonderful!
Twenty-five inches diagonal.
The Pfeiffer's had come into money.
Isn't she a beaut?
(Kevin looks at Paul.)
I didn't know you guys were getting a new TV. (Gestures.)
Either did I.
Well, I saw it in the window. And you know me...I'm a spur-of-the-moment kinda guy...(Gestures.) I decided my family deserves a little luxury.
In this case, little being an understatement.
Looks expensive.
Oh, well, you know...Dad made this investment in some beachfront property.
Yeah - and he pulled in a truckload of money.
Debbie...
Well, that's what you said last night...
(Alvin smiles at Kevin embarrassedly.)
It wasn't that much...
Maybe not.
Uh, let's try the remote control.
But it seemed, with his windfall, Alvin Pfeiffer was standing a little taller these days. At least in the eyes of his family.
Alvin, look. They look like they're coming right through the screen! (Smiles.)
Not that I begrudged the Pfeiffer's their good fortune, ya understand...I mean, who would?
*
(A pool-installation truck passes the Arnold's who are washing the car. Jack frowns.)
Goodwill was turning to bad blood. And as we closed ranks around Dad, the gap between him and Paul's dad got...
(Cut to Alvin peering through his optometrist instrument.)
Wider...wider...
With me in the middle.
OK, Kevirooski. Follow the light with those peepers, and don't move your head.
Yessir.
The thing is, even though I'd known the guy for years...suddenly I was seeing him in a whole new light.
(Alvin leads the light to the side of Kevin, making it impossible for Kevin to follow.)
Gotcha! (Smiles.) A little optometrist humor.
Pretty funny.
Are we done now?
Not yet. Read that for me.
(Kevin covers one eye and reads the chart.)
"E", "F", "P", "T"...
(Kevin glances at Alvin.)
"C", "Z".
Look at him - Mr. Moneybags. John D. Rockapfeiffer. Not a care in the world.
You know, Kev - I'm worried.
Huh? About my eyes?
Uh-uh. About your dad.
What about him?
Well, I'm not sure. He didn't look happy the other day. Is he OK?
Well, yeah, he's...
Oh, no. I wasn't gonna give him that satisfaction.
He works hard. That's all.
Unlike some rich guys I could think of.
That's Jack, alright. He's a hell of a guy. Careful man...Take that investment thing.
(Kevin sighs and looks off.)
Great. I should have known. This whole thing was just an excuse to crow about -
He could have come in with me, ya know...
What?!
We talked about it...
You did?
But...he wasn't interested. Too big as risk, I guess...
I couldn't believe my ears.
I don't know. Maybe he was right. These land things tend to be complicated. Unpredictable. Risky. Know what I mean?
But at that moment, I wasn't interested in the greater aspects of real estate. I was thinking just one thing.
I can't believe it.
My dad, who grumbled about the Pfeiffer's good fortune, could have had one himself.
*
(At the Pfeiffer's country club, Debbie is on the divingboard.)
Hey, everybody! This is my twisting double jack-knife!
(Debbie simply runs and jumps off the board.)
Fairlawn country club. Watering spot of the well-to-do. Where the glamourous went to cavort. Not that my family were strangers to the place - we'd driven past the front gates lotsa times.
(Ida sees the Arnold's approaching and waves.)
Yoo-hoo! Over here!
Oh, brother.
Jack...
(Jack smiles woodenly and waves slightly.)
Let's get this over with.
Guess you could say, we were all in a festive mood.
(The Arnolds approach Ida.)
I'm so glad you could come!
(Norma and Ida kiss cheeks.)
Oh, it's lovely, here. Isn't it lovely Jack?
Where's Alvin?
Oh, he'll be joining us in a while. He had some business calls to make. Is anyone thirsty.
Sure.
No.
Great. (Frowns.)
Hey, Kevin - watch my swan dive.
(Debbie simply jumps off the divingboard.)
Still, as country-clubs go...this wasn't so bad. Nice surroundings...
(Kevin and Paul look at each other.)
Pleasant company...
Hi.
Hey.
How's it goin'?
OK.
And it seemed pretty clear, one of us had to break the ice, here.
So. You...want to...(shrugs)...do something?
So when Paul offered the old olive branch, I jumped right on.
Like what? Play tennis? (Smirks.)
(They play tennis, and Kevin hits Paul on the cheek with the ball. Now, the Pfeiffer's and Arnold are seated around an outdoor table at the Pfeiffer's country club.)
How's your head, honey?
Fine, Mom - I'm fine. (Frowns.)
An hour later, the celebration was in full swing - and the party was just getting started.
(Alvin approaches and sits down.)
Sorry I'm late, guys.
It was grim. Here we were, two families who grew up practically next door, with nothing to say to each other but -
Anybody got any more saltines, huh?
Face it - money had come between us. Two decades of neighborly goodwill had run aground on a few measley acres of beachfront investment-property. And there was nothing any of us could do to make it better.
I'd like to make a toast. (Stands.)
Except, of course...make a toast.
We've known each other for many years. We've...worked together...broken bread together...birthed our children together...We've seen each other through good and bad. So, in a way...your good fortune...is our good fortune. (Smiles.) And I just wanna say...how proud we are of you.
(Norma looks around the table and raises her glass.)
To you, and your success - and all the joy it brings. We hope...it's just the beginning.
I guess human dignity can be a powerful force. Grace untrammelled can move mountains.
(Jack stands up.)
Congratulations, Alvin. I'm happy for ya. (Smiles.)
(Alvin smiles slightly and looks down.)
Um-hmm.
Me, too.
And in that simple moment, with those simple gestures...you could feel a burden lift.
(Everyone clinks glasses.)
It was...wonderful.
(Alvin starts to cry.)
It was...horrible.
Al...honey?
It's gone.
What?
I said it's gone. The whole investment. The whole shebang.
Oh, God!
Not the beach, Dad!
Under water. All of it.
His face told the tale. One phone call, and the Pfeiffer fortunes had landed on the continental shelf. So of course, being neighbors, there was only one thing we could do.
Waiter? Double steak sandwich - make it fast, huh?
(Cut to evening in the car as it pulls into the driveway.)
Nobody talked much the rest of that afternoon, or on the way home. I guess we were all a little sobered by the knowledge that the fortune of an optometrist could vanish...in the blink of an eye.

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(Ep 88 - "Carnal Knowledge")

(Kevin goes to Paul's house to pick him up for a movie. Alvin opens the door.)
Paul.
(Alvin shuts the door and puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder.)
Keverooski's here.
Oh.
Paul. (Gestures.) You ready? (Frowns.)
Well, actually...we...haven't had dinner yet.
Say, Kev - why don't you join us? Ida bastes a mean turkey. (Smiles.)
Thanks, but...I have plans.
Alvin!
Woops - the chef called. (Exits.)
*
(Paul told Kevin he had sex with a family friend, which made Kevin mad at him.)
That afternoon, I took a walk. Didn't feel much like driving. I thought about what had gone on between me and Paul. About how our lives were changing. Something was happening to us. Something complicated. And all I knew was...I couldn't let things go the way they were.
(Cut to the Pfeiffer living room as Ida lets Kevin in.)
Paul! Kevin's here to see you. (Smiles.)
Well, one thing was obvious...
(Ida walks off toward the kitchen.)
This wasn't gonna be easy.

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11/25/14 21:09