Episode 52 - "Little Debbie"
OPENING SEQUENCE
(Black-and-white clip of Elvis Presley, a drummer and a bass player playing "Tutti Frutti" on stage.)
"Tutti Frutti, all over rootie"
"Tutti Frutti, all over rootie"
Every generation has its idols.
(The camera pushes in on Elvis slightly.)
Guys who were our heroes. Guys who defined "cool".
"A-wop-bop-a-loo-lop a-lop bam boo"
(Shot of screaming female fans in an audience.)
Guys who drive chicks crazy.
(Black-and-white clip shot through a wire gate of a crying female fan.)
My generation...
(Black-and-white clip of a crowd of fans, some of whom wave.)
Produced a ton of these guys.
(Black-and-white clip of The Beatles exiting an airplane and smiling.)
The Beatles...
(Black-and-white clip of Mike Jagger singing and shaking pair of mariachis.)
Mick Jagger...and, of course...
Cut to
School Lockers
(Shot from inside Kevin's locker as he opens it.)
Yours Truly.
"A-wop-bop-a-loo-lop a-lop bam boo"
(Shot of Kevin in profile in front of his locker. "Tutti Frutti" fades out.)
OK, so I didn't have a Top 10 single.
(Kevin removes a book fron his locker and puts it under his arm.)
I did have the one thing every teen idol needs.
DEBBIE (V/O)(Sighs): Hi...
(Kevin turns toward the camera.)
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie leaning against the lockers and smiling at Kevin.)
A fan.
(Closer shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister.
(Shot of Kevin smiling, slightly embarrased.)
KEVIN: Hi, Debbie.
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Hi...Kevin...
Cut to
The Bus
(Shot of the back of a bus seat as Debbie rises and turns toward Kevin behind her off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Hi, Kevin! (Smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
(Shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
Debbie was a seventh-grader now, and, to put it mildly, she thought I put the moon in the sky...
(Shot of Kevin glancing at Debbie, then looking off.)
And told the stars to shine.
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen and smiles, slightly embarrassed.)
KEVIN: Hi, Debbie.
(Close shot Debbie as she waggles her fingers.)
DEBBIE: Hi! (Smiles.)
Cut to
The Street - Another Day
(Shot of Debbie standing on the sidewalk, looking across the street toward the camera.)
DEBBIE: Hi, Kevin!
(She raises her arm and waves.)
(Shot of Kevin on the opposite sidewalk as he passes a tree and hesitates, looking toward Debbie off-screen.)
It was kinda flattering, I guess.
(Kevin looks around uncomfortably and adjusts his books.)
It was also kinda...nauseating.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen and smiling as she waves.)
(Shot of Kevin.)
And the worst thing was...
(Kevin looks around nervously, then hides behind the tree.)
No matter how hard I tried to ignore it...
(Close shot of Debbie frowning slightly.)
DEBBIE: Kevin?
(She leans the other direction slightly and frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin peeking out from behind the tree.)
It...wouldn't ignore me.
(Kevin walks a few steps, hesitates, smiles uncomfortably at Debbie off-screen, and waves slightly.)
KEVIN: Hi, Debbie.
Not to seem insensative, but...
(Kevin frowns and walks out of the shot.)
A man of my years...
(Shot of Debbie as she looks at Kevin off-screen and begins to walk along the sidewalk.)
Had more important things to think about, than moony little girls.
(Debbie waves.)
DEBBIE: Hi!
(Shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen. He starts to trot forward out of the shot.)
Things like...
Cut to
Cafeteria
(Close shot of two cheerleaders bent over in mid-cheer.)
CHEERLEADERS: Go...Wildcats!
(The cheerleaders straighten up and smile. The camera moves across them.)
School spirit.
CHEERLEADERS: "S"..."P"..."I"..."R"..."I"...T".
(The camera stops in front of one particular cheerleader.)
(Wide shot of the cafeteria, with the cheerleaders along the back wall.)
CHEERLEADERS: Go...Wildcats!
(They shake their pompoms and kick their legs.)
(Shot of Paul and Kevin on one side of a table, and Doug and Randy on the other side as they clap and cheer at the cheerleaders off-screen. The camera pushes in slightly as Doug puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles.)
Around the halls of RFK, morale was at an all-time high.
(Close shot of two girls frowning at each other and shaking their heads, then standing up.)
For the guys, anyway.
(Shot of Paul and Kevin as one girl exits behind them.)
(Wide shot of the cafeteria, with the cheerleaders along the back wall.)
Football fever was in the air.
(The second girl exits toward the camera, shaking her head and frowning.)
There was, of course, a reason.
(Shot down the row of cheerleaders. The nearest one in particular seems well-endowed in the sweater area.)
(The cheerleader move their pompoms around.)
CHEERLEADERS:"W"..."I..."L"!
Make that two reasons.
(The cheerleaders bend forward.)
(Shot from in front of the one particular cheerleader as she bends over.)
CHEERLEADERS: "D"..."C"...
(The cheerleader straightens up and continues the cheer.)
CHEERLEADERS: "A"..."T"..."S".
Deanna Delgado. Synonymous with...
(Shot of the guys at the table looking at Deanna off-screen.)
GUYS: Wow!
(Close shot of Deanna shaking her pompoms and smiling as she hops up and down.)
Deanna inspired us. Like the Statue of Liberty.
(Close shot of Kevin clapping and cheering at Deanna off-screen.)
Or the Bill of Rights.
(Shot past Randy and Doug of another cheerleader in the background.)
RANDY: I can't wait for the game Friday night!
(Close shot of Paul looking slightly worried.)
PAUL: Friday night?
RANDY (V/O): Let's get there early, so...
(Shot of Randy and Doug looking at each other.)
RANDY: We can sit down in front.
It was an event...
(Shot of Kevin smiling toward Paul, who is frowning slightly.)
Not to be missed.
(Kevin frowns slightly.)
KEVIN: Paul?
(Paul looks at Kevin, then toward Randy off-screen and shakes his head.)
PAUL: I can't go. (Shrugs.)
Fade to
Interior - Pfeiffer's House
(Shot of Debbie standing on a stool. Ida is sewing her hem.)
IDA (V/O): Debbie honey, you'll be the prettiest girl there!
(Shot of Kevin and Paul near the front door.)
PAUL: I have to take my sister to a stupid cotillion dance Friday night.
(Shot past Kevin and Paul of Debbie, Ida, and Alvin.)
DEBBIE: It's not stupid!
(Ida looks toward Paul.)
IDA: Paul, we've been over this.
PAUL: Mom, she's ruining my life!
(Shot of Alvin looking toward Paul off-screen.)
ALVIN: I'd be proud to take her.
(Shot of Debbie smiling slightly, then frowning.)
(Shot past Debbie of Alvin looking at her.)
ALVIN: My little girl on my arm. (Smiles.) I do a mean foxtrot!
(Shot of Debbie frowning and glancing at Kevin off-screen, then Alvin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Daddy! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Ida looking at Alvin off-screen.)
IDA: Alvin, she's not going with her father. She's going with her brother...
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Why can't she find somebody else?
(Shot of Alvin, Debbie and Ida.)
DEBBIE: Because there isn't anybody else.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Heh-heh.
(Kevin smiles slightly at Paul off-screen.)
You almost had to feel sorry for old Pfeiff.
(Close shot of Paul looking toward Kevin off-screen.)
Still, this was...
(Paul sighs and looks toward Debbie off-screen.)
A domestic squabble.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at Paul off-screen, then at Debbie off-screen.)
None of my business.
(Close shot of Debbie looking down.)
At least...not yet.
(She looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: I guess....(shrugs)...I'd just rather go with Paul, if I can't go with somebody...really nice...
(She glances off, then back to Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Or...really neat. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning. "Tammy" plays.)
Uh-oh!
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
The president of my fan club was calling for...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
A personal appearance.
(Close shot of Alvin as he turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
Come to think of it...
(Close shot of Ida as she turns toward Kevin off-screen.)
So was the whole fan club.
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul turning toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen. He looks off nervously.)
Time for a little good old-fashioned diplomacy.
KEVIN: Come on, Paul - let's study at my house.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen as her smile fades.)
(Shot of Kevin and Paul as Kevin taps Paul's sleeve, smiles uncomfortably, and exits.)
Yep - the old Arnold tact.
(Paul turns and follows.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking sad as the sound of a door closing can be heard. "Tammy" ends.)
Cut to
Kevin's Bedroom
(Shot of Kevin and Paul approaching in the hallway.)
PAUL: I don't believe this.
(The camera pans with them as they enter the bedroom and flop down on the beds.)
PAUL: I might as well go lie down on the highway.
KEVIN: Paul, it's not that bad.
(Kevin picks up a magazine.)
PAUL: Are you kidding?
(Shot past Kevin of Paul lying flat on the bed and looking at him.)
PAUL: While you guys are watching Deanna, I'm gonna be doing the mambo with little girls in white gloves.
(Shot of both.)
KEVIN: Oh, come on - it'll be cute. Maybe they'll do...(gyrates)...the hokey-pokey. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul sitting up and looking at him.)
PAUL: Well, if you think it's so cute, why don't you take her?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Cause she's not my sister.
Nothin' like kickin' your best friend when he's down.
(Close shot of Paul turning slowly toward Kevin off-screen.)
Until, that is, he kicks you back.
PAUL: You know, it'd really make her happy.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the magazine, then at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Paul?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Come on. Why not? She's crazy about you! She'd be -
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the magazine and frowning.)
KEVIN: Hang it up.
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: You know, a real friend'd do it.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul. Sound of a sports buzzer.)
Foul! Illegal use of a buddy.
KEVIN: The answer's "no" - OK? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him and sighing heavily.)
PAUL: OK, OK - I just thought I'd mention it.
(Paul lies flat on the bed.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Well, don't! (Gestures.)
PAUL: OK. I won't!
(Kevin thumbs though his magazine.)
Heck. Being a pal was one thing, but in the real world...
(Kevin glances at Paul.)
Paldom goes just so far.
Cut to
Kitchen
(Close shot of Norma. You can hear her peeling potatoes or carrots or something.)
As opposed to, say, momdom.
NORMA: So, I understand you're taking Debbie Pfeiffer to her dance on Friday?
(Wide shot of Norma at the sink. Kevin is setting the table in the background.)
KEVIN: What?!
NORMA: Well, I saw Ida Pfeiffer at the library today, and...
(Shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: She said that Paul said that you and Debbie...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and glancing off.)
KEVIN: Wait a minute - Paul said that?
(Shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: That's what Ida said. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
The weasel.
(Kevin looks at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: No, Mom...you misunderstood. See, Paul's taking her. (Nods.) Not me.
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Oh?
(She looks down and shrugs, then frowns at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Well that's too bad...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Why? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Well...Debbie thinks so much of you.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): And...
KEVIN: Look. (Frowns.) Mom, it's not gonna happen, OK? (Nods.)
Not withstanding vicious rumors to the contrary.
(Kevin continues to set the table.)
(Close shot of Norma looking down.)
NORMA: Well, of course, honey...
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: It's your decision.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen. He raises both arms.)
KEVIN: OK! (Frowns.)
(He continues to set the table.)
(Close shot of Norma looking down and smiling. She giggles and looks toward the window.)
NORMA: I remember my first dance.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
(Close shot of Norma looking toward the window.)
NORMA: It was the "Harvest Moon Ball".
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: I had a date with the cutest boy in school...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): Todd Calloway.
(Close shot of Norma looking off. The camera pushes in slightly. Some Snuffy music plays.)
NORMA: My mother helped me pick out my dress. She even took me to get my hair done. The night of the dance...
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: I got all dressed up...
(She looks off.)
NORMA: And I waited...
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: But he never arrived.
(She shrugs and nods.)
NORMA: Mumps. I was devastated.
(She shrugs slightly and bites her lip.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
Now even at fourteen, I could sense the intimacy of Mom's story.
(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)
The underlying wisdom...
(She looks down.)
In this fragile parable of heatbreak and youth.
(Shot of Kevin leaning on the back of a chair.)
And, naturally...my heart went out to her.
KEVIN: Listen, Mom, I don't really have time for this, OK? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Norma looking toward Kevin off-screen and frowning slightly.)
Cut to
Cafeteria
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: My poor little sister's cryin' herself to sleep at night, Kev.
(Close shot of Kevin as he sighs and rolls his eyes as he puts his forehead on the table.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: I didn't realize just how important this dance is to her.
(Close shot of Kevin with his head on the table.)
KEVIN: Paul...
PAUL (V/O): She doesn't eat - she mopes...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Last night she sat in the dark listening to Neil Diamond.
(Close shot of Kevin with his head on the table.)
KEVIN: Ohh!
(Close shot of Paul looking off and shrugging.)
PAUL: Look...
(He looks at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Let me appeal to your better instinct. I'll give you five bucks.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning as he lifts his head.)
KEVIN: What?! (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: OK, ten - that's my final offer.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Look, I know what you're thinking, but this isn't about dollars. It's about something bigger.
(Paul looks off toward something in the distance. Sound of marching band drums. Paul's eyes widen slightly.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking over his shoulder.)
(Shot of Deanna smiling and approaching with her tray, followed by another smiling cheerleader carrying a tray.)
And there ya had it.
(Shot of Paul and Kevin in profile. Paul is smiling as Deanna walks into the shot. The frame freezes.)
School spirit had driven Paul to the brink of petty bribery.
(Deanna and the other girls continue through the shot.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Paul...for the final time, I'm not taking your sister to the cotillion! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul sighing and looking down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: Alright?
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Alright.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
KEVIN: OK. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: OK!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen and smiling slightly as he looks off.)
(Close shot of Paul sighing and looking off, then looking at Kevin.)
PAUL: But she's not gonna take this well.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul and frowning.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I mean, you're gonna have to tell her.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul.)
KEVIN: Why? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Cause...she's gonna ask you. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: She was upset. I said...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul.)
PAUL (V/O): "Ask 'em. What's the worst that can happen?".
(Kevin looks past Paul.)
KEVIN: Oh, man.
(Shot of Debbie entering the cafeteria carrying her tray. She pauses and converses briefly with someone.)
KEVIN (V/O): I don't believe this.
(Debbie looks for a table.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
But my hand had been forced.
(Kevin glances at Paul off-screen, then looks at Debbie off-screen.)
I was gonna have to deal with this. Right here. Right now.
(Kevin looks next to him.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as he rises and slowly starts to walk off, hunched over.)
PAUL (V/O): Kev?
(Kevin continues to the aisle as Debbie lingers in the background.)
PAUL (V/O): Where are you going?
(Kevin turns and passes the camera.)
Cut to
Boys' Restroom
(Shot of a closed stall door.)
I was gonna have to hide in the boys' room.
(Kevin opens the door and emerges. The camera pans with him as he walks toward the sink.)
Heck. The kid couldn't ask me if she couldn't find me.
(The bell rings and Kevin walks toward the door.)
Sure...
Cut to
The Hallway
(Shot of Kevin opening the restroom door slightly and peeking out.)
Maybe I'd be a little late for class. It was worth it.
(Kevin timidly steps into the hallway.)
After all, the last thing I wanted to have to face was...
(Kevin smiles as the camera pans with him. He turns around to see Debbie sitting on the steps, holding her books to her chest. She stands up.)
DEBBIE: Hi, Kevin! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen, then glancing off.)
Rats!
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen, and shrugs slightly.)
KEVIN: Hi, Debbie. (Smiles.)
(Shot of Debbie as she steps down the stairs slowly.)
God, that face.
(Debbie looks at the camera as she approaches it.)
Kinda like a kamikaze pilot on her final run.
(Close shot past Debbie of Kevin looking at her.)
DEBBIE: Kevin?
(Close shot of Debbie looking up. She shrugs and looks forward.)
DEBBIE: I was just wondering...
(Close shot past Debbie of Kevin looking at her.)
DEBBIE: See, I have this cotillion coming up on Friday...
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie looking at him, then looking off.)
DEBBIE: And it would really mean a lot to me if...
(She looks down.)
DEBBIE: Well...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
I found myself hoping for an earthquake.
(Kevin glances off, then up.)
A sudden nuclear attack, but of course...
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen.)
Life is never that forgiving.
(Close shot of Debbie looking down.)
DEBBIE: Would you...go with me?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
And so, we'd arrived.
(Kevin looks off.)
The final showdown. Unpleasant as it might be...
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen.)
It was time to break a heart.
KEVIN: Listen, Debbie...
(Kevin frowns and shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking up to Kevin off-screen. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen. He sighs.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking up to Kevin off-screen. She slowly looks down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen, then looking off slightly.)
KEVIN: OK...
(Close shot of Debbie looking up slowly at Kevin off-screen. She smiles slightly.)
DEBBIE: Oh! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen and shrugging slightly. Debbie sighs.)
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie smiling at him. She straightens up.)
DEBBIE: Oh! (Smiles.)
(She turns and trots up the stairs. She stops on the landing and smiles toward Kevin.)
DEBBIE: Oh! (Smiles.)
(She exits up the stairs.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking after her off-screen.)
Kinda the way Elvis might have handled it.
Fade to
Evening - The Road
(Shot through the windshield of Alvin and Paul in front, and Debbie and Kevin in back.)
ALVIN: So, you boys think the Wildcats have a shot at a good season?
(Shot from the back seat of Paul looking at Alvin off-screen.)
PAUL: Uh...sure. Definitely.
(Paul glances worriedly toward Kevin off-screen.)
By that Friday night, my ex-best friend was on his way to cheerleader heaven.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Paul off-screen. He is wearing a suit and tie. He glances toward Debbie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
Whereas I was on my way...
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
To cotillion hell.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: This must be the most beautiful corsage any man gave any woman. You're so thoughtful. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward, then glancing at Debbie off-screen.)
KEVIN: It was nothing. (Smiles.)
(He looks forward again.)
And it wasn't.
(Shot from the back seat of Alvin as he looks over his shoulder and smiles.)
I'd been shanghai'd into this.
(Alvin glances at Paul.)
(Shot from the back seat of Paul looking at Alvin off-screen, then glancing slightly at Kevin off-screen, then looking forward.)
And I knew by whom.
DEBBIE (V/O): Do you like my earrings?
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Debbie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin and smiling slightly as she touches an earring.)
DEBBIE: My Grandma gave me these. (Smiles.) They're for really special occasions like tonight.
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen.)
KEVIN: Ah. Well. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Debbie as she reaches for her glasses.)
DEBBIE: Do I look better with my glasses on...
(She pulls her glasses off.)
DEBBIE: Or off?
(She knocks off an earring with the earpiece of her glasses.)
(She looks at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Debbie feeling her ear.)
(Shot of both.)
DEBBIE: Oops. My earring.
(Debbie leans far forward to hunt for the earring on the floor. Kevin frowns slightly and looks at her rear end which is now pointing up.)
DEBBIE (V/O): Excuse me!
It was obvious...
Cut to
Parking Lot
(Shot of the car as Alvin drives slowly through the parking lot.)
This was going to be a long, long night.
(Alvins stops the car in front of the camera and turns off the car.)
ALVIN: OK, Paulorooski, this is it. Let's get the **** from the trunk. (Gestures.)
PAUL: OK, Dad.
(Shot of Kevin and a bit of Debbie's dress.)
DEBBIE (V/O): I know it's here, somewhere.
(Closer shot of Kevin looking toward Debbie off-screen as the trunk opens off-screen.)
This much was clear. If I was gonna get through this evening, there was only one thing to do.
KEVIN: Excuse me!
(Kevin reaches for the door handle.)
(Shot from in front of the car as Kevin gets out.)
I was gonna have to bail.
(Shot of Alvin and Paul at the rear of the car.)
ALVIN: Have fun, son!
PAUL: Sure, Dad.
(Kevin joins them. Paul looks at Kevin.)
PAUL: Seeya. (Exits)
ALVIN: Ah, kids today.
(Kevin glances toward Debbie off-screen, then looks at Alvin. The camera pushes in very slowly.)
KEVIN: Mr. Pfeiffer?
ALVIN: Hmmm.
KEVIN: I think we should talk. About tonight.
(Close shot of Alvin looking off and frowning, then looking at Kevin off-screen.)
ALVIN: Ohhh. (Nods.) I get it.
(He leans in toward Kevin slightly.)
ALVIN: Guy to guy. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off, then looking at Alvin off-screen.)
KEVIN: Uh, yeah.
(Close shot past Kevin of Alvin looking at him.)
ALVIN: Kev, I think I understand what's on your mind. And, believe it or not...
(He straightens up and nods.)
ALVIN: I've been in your same situation myself.
At last.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Alvin off-screen.)
A man who understood.
(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)
Maybe I could catch up with Paul, before...
(Alvin puts a hand on Kevin's shoulder as he is about to walk off.)
(Close shot past Kevin of Alvin looking at him.)
ALVIN: I want you to know...I trust you with my daughter.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Alvin off-screen.)
KEVIN: You do?
ALVIN (V/O): I'm proud of ya, son!
(Alvin's hand slaps Kevin's shoulder.)
"Son"?
(Kevin raises an eyebrow and glances off.)
(Shot past Kevin of Alvin who is reaching in his wallet.)
ALVIN: Tell ya what. Here's five dollars, in case you kids want to get some ice-cream later or something.
(Shot of both as Alvin takes Kevin's hand and puts the money in it.)
(Close shot past Kevin of Alvin looking at him emotionally.)
ALVIN: Show her...the time of her life, son. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Alvin off-screen.)
(Close shot past Kevin of Alvin looking past him.)
ALVIN: "Sunrise, sunset - swiftly flow the years".
(Alvin frowns and holds back tears.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Alvin off-screen as Debbie approaches next to him.)
DEBBIE: Kevin?
(Shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen. She holds up the earring.)
DEBBIE: I found it. (Smiles.)
(Shot of all three.)
KEVIN: Oh. (Nods.) Good.
(He looks at Alvin and smiles.)
(Alvin extends his arms outward and approaches Kevin and Debbie.)
ALVIN: Seedlings turn overnight...to sunflowers.
(Alvin hugs the kids.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
I had only one option left. If I couldn't escape...
Cut to
Interior - Dance Hall
(Shot of Debbie and Kevin entering through glass-paned doors.)
Maybe I could just blend in with the crowd.
(They pause side-by-side and Debbie holds Kevin's arm and smiles.)
(Shot of two rows of kids looking at them, as a big "ta-da" of music blares and a spotlight swings around toward the camera.)
(Shot of Debbie and Kevin as the light shines on them. Debbie holds Kevin's arm tighter and smiles.)
(Shot of the kids looking at them. Sound of feedback from the PA.)
(Shot past some kids of a woman holding a microphone. Three people of the band stand with her. She reads from a small card she is holding.)
WOMAN: Miss Deborah Cecile Pfeiffer, escorted by Kevin Arnold.
(Shot of Debbie and Kevin. She is smiling, and he looks slightly shocked.)
(Another "ta-da" of music, and the band plays a bit of "introduction" music as Debbie and Kevin step forward between the rows of kids.)
No autographs. Please.
Cut to
Later
(High wide shot of many couples dancing.)
(Closer shot of some kids dancing. The camera pans with one couple as they walk away, and the camera stops on Kevin and Debbie in the refreshment line.)
DEBBIE: Are you having a good time?
KEVIN: Uh, yeah. Great.
(A lady hands a cup of punch to Kevin, who hands it to Debbie.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Over the next hour-and-a-half, I was starting to feel like...
(Close shot of Debbie smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
A prized heifer.
PUNCH WOMAN: My, what a fine catch!
(They move down the line.)
Or, a two-hundred pound marlin. And through it all, little Debbie was stuck to my side.
(They stop at some cookies.)
Like glue.
(Kevin reaches for one.)
DEBBIE: Not like that.
KEVIN: Huh?
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Use the tongs, silly. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Oh. Yeah. (Smiles.) Right.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at the table.)
DEBBIE: It all looks so beautiful, doesn't it?
(She hunches her shoulders.)
DEBBIE: I mean, I feel so lucky.
(She smiles at Kevin off-screen.)
Which she was.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
Still, I'd made up my mind.
(Kevin glances off.)
I was gonna make the best of this - come hell or high water.
(Sound of feedback from the PA.)
WOMAN (V/O): And now everyone...
(Shot of Kevin and Debbie. They look over their shoulder past some kids to the woman and the band in the background. The camera focusses on the woman.)
WOMAN: It's time for our Sweetheart Waltz.
(Shot of Kevin in profile, looking at the woman off-screen.)
And then the rains came.
(Kevin frowns slightly.)
(Close shot of the woman reading from a card.)
WOMAN: And leading us off will be Deborah Pfeiffer and Kevin Arnold.
(Wide shot of the kids on the floor as the spotlight swings around.)
(Shot of Kevin as the spotlight falls on him.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: See, I told you I felt lucky! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
There was just one small problem here - I didn't know how to waltz.
(Kevin looks off.)
(Shot of Kevin and Debbie as she grabs his hand and pulls him past the camera.)
DEBBIE: Come on!
(Wide shot of the dance floor as Debbie leads Kevin to the center of it. The band plays "Try To Remember" as the spotlight follows Kevin and Debbie.)
So, in front of two hundred thousand gawking seventh-graders...
(Closer shot of Kevin and Debbie getting into position.)
I prepared to make a fool of myself.
(They start to dance, somewhat woodenly.)
(Closer shot past Debbie of Kevin looking off, glumly.)
It was humiliating. There I was...
(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)
Kevin Arnold, teen hero...
(Kevin looks down at his feet.)
(Shot of Kevin and Debbie's feet as they dance.)
Stumbling like a lame duck through the single longest waltz in recorded history.
(Close shot of Debbie as she counts silently and nods slightly to Kevin.)
And to make matters worse, I was being led through it, step by clumsy step...
(Wider shot of them as they dance.)
By a little girl.
(Wider shot of them dancing as the spotlight shines on them.)
Fade to
Later
(Same shot, but more couples are dancing.)
But at least now the hard part was over.
(The music winds down, and most kids clap gently.)
(Shot of Kevin and Debbie. She is cleaning her glasses.)
Now, finally...
(Debbie puts her glasses back on and applauds softly.)
Little Debbie would realize her hero had two left feet - both of them clay.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Kevin you were great! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
KEVIN: Huh? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DEBBIE: Oh, Kevin, this must be the most wonderful night of my life!
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
DEBBIE (V/O): I mean, who would have thought - you and me waltzing!
(Kevin looks at Debbie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Debbie holding her glasses with both hands.)
DEBBIE: I feel just like...
(She pulls her glasses off.)
DEBBIE: Cinderella. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
That's when I knew, once and for all...Debbie Pfeiffer's love for me...
(Close shot of Debbie looking up at the camera and squinting.)
Was blind.
WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen...
(Kevin and Debbie turn toward the woman in the background. The camera changes focus.)
WOMAN: Don't forget that souvenir pictures are being taken under the trellis. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Debbie of Kevin as the band plays "In The Mood". Debbie glances around.)
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie looking at him.)
DEBBIE: Do you want to have our picture taken?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
Faced with such untarnished emotion...
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Such completely undeserved adoration...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
I knew what I had to do.
KEVIN: I'm gonna go get some punch.
DEBBIE: OK...
(Kevin walks past Debbie and approaches the camera.)
Sure, maybe it was brutal...
(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)
(Shot of Kevin facing Debbie off-screen.)
But it was time she faced the truth.
(Shot of Debbie looking after Kevin off-screen a bit sadly, then looking over her shoulder.)
Fade to
Exterior - Poolside
(Wide shot of Kevin in a poolside chair. "Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing" plays.)
I sat there...
(Closer shot of Kevin. The camera pushes in slowly.)
Angry at Debbie, angry at Paul, angry at myself. I was tired of being idolized. Sick of being a hero. For an instant...
(The camera stops moving in.)
I'd toyed with the idea of walking the mile-and-a-half across town to join the guys.
(Randy, Doug and Paul hurry up to the fence in the far background, talking indistinctly. Kevin looks toward them.)
(Closer shot of Doug climbing over the fence, and falling onto the ground.)
DOUG: Uh...uh.
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the guys off-screen and starting to rise.)
I guess the guys had...
(Shot of Paul, Doug and Randy trotting toward the camera and Kevin. Music ends.)
The same idea.
KEVIN: What are you guys doin' here?
(Randy glances toward Paul, then Doug, then looks at Kevin.)
RANDY: Bad news, Kev.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Randy off-screen.)
KEVIN: Was it the game? Did we lose?
(Close shot of Doug looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DOUG: Worse.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Doug off-screen.)
KEVIN: Worse?
(Close shot of Randy.)
RANDY: Paul...
(He turns toward Paul off-screen.)
RANDY: You had the binoculars.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Randy off-screen.)
RANDY (V/O): You tell 'em.
(Close shot of Paul.)
PAUL: Well, when we got to the game...
(The camera pushes in slowly on Paul as he continues to speak.)
And thus Paul launched into a story I was to hear over and over again, at cocktail parties and class reunions.
(The camera pushes in on Paul's mouth as he continues to speak.)
A tale of woe. The subject?
PAUL: It was Deanna...Deanna Delgado...
Fade to
Football Game
(Marching music plays over a slow-motion shot as the camera moves down the row of cheerleaders shaking their pompoms. The camera pause in front of Deanna.)
(Close shot of Randy, Paul and Doug sitting in the bleachers. Paul is looking through binoculars. Doug reaches for them.)
According to Paul, it happened in mere seconds.
(Slow-motion shot of Deanna raising her arms.)
Something that broke young mens' hearts, and shattered long-held illusions.
(High-angle shot of Deanna jumping up and looking worried.)
Something slipped through Deanna's sweater.
(Slow-motion shot of some white material flying through the air.)
(Slow-motion shot of Deanna frowning heavily and holding her pompoms close in front of herself.)
(Close shot of Randy, Paul and Doug sitting in the bleachers. Paul lowers the binoculars. All three look slightly stunned. A kid in front of them throws confetti.)
(Close shot of Randy with his mouth open, frowning.)
(The camera pans across to Paul, who also has his mouth open.)
And in the light of this horrible revelation...
(The camera pans across to Doug, who also has his mouth open.)
A new conciousness was born.
(Slow-motion shot of Deanna looking worried as she holds her pompoms in front of herself and look up slightly.)
A single undeniable truth.
(Slow-motion shot of some white material flying through the air.)
Cut to
Pool Side
(Close shot of Randy looking down.)
RANDY: Deanna Delgado...
(He looks at Kevin off-screen.)
RANDY: Stuffs!
(Close shot of Doug looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DOUG: Falsies. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: They looked so...real! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly.)
(Wide shot of all near the corner of the pool.)
It was a moment of rare understanding - sympathy for a dream lost.
(Close shot of Randy looking down and shaking his head.)
And of course, compassion.
(Randy looks at Kevin off-screen.)
RANDY: Come on. We're on our way to TP Delgado's front yard.
Compassion in junior high...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Randy off-screen.)
Being expressed in many ways.
KEVIN: No, no thanks. You guys go on ahead without me.
(Shot past Kevin as Paul taps Randy on the shoulder.)
PAUL: Come on.
(Paul, Randy and Doug trot toward the fence.)
As I watched my friends head into the night...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the guys off-screen.)
I realized the world was not necessarily a better place for knowing the truth.
DEBBIE (V/O): Kevin?
(Kevin turns around as Debbie approaches.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
DEBBIE (V/O): Where'd you go?
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie looking at him.)
DEBBIE: I've been looking all over for you.
(Shot past Debbie of Kevin as he looks off.)
KEVIN: Uh...
(He looks at Debbie.)
KEVIN: I, uh...I had to get some air. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie looking at him sadly.)
DEBBIE: You don't want to have your picture taken with me, do you?
(Shot past Debbie of Kevin looking at her.)
KEVIN: No. Debbie, that's not it.
(Close shot of Debbie looking at him off-screen.)
DEBBIE: I guess the whole thing was just pretty stupid.
(She starts to cry. She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. Some Snuffy music plays.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Debbie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Debbie as she sniffs and rubs her ear, knocking off an earring.)
(Wide shot of both as Debbie turns and watches the earring fall into the pool.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the pool off-screen.)
(Underwater shot of the earring sinking in the pool.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward the pool off-screen, then toward Debbie off-screen.)
I don't really know what came over me next.
(Close shot of Debbie looking up from the pool and looking at Kevin off-screen, still crying.)
Maybe it was the hurt in her eyes.
(She closes her eyes and drops her head.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen.)
And maybe it was because I knew I had put it there.
(Close shot of Debbie looking off and crying.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen, then moving toward the pool.)
(Wide shot of Kevin and Debbie as Kevin dives into the pool.)
(Underwater shot of Kevin swimming toward the drain at the bottom of the pool.)
(Close shot of the drain as the earring approaches it. Kevin's hand grabs the earring just as it is about to fall in the drain.)
(Slightly wider shot as Kevin pushes off toward the surface.)
(Shot of Debbie at the edge of the pool as Kevin swims to the side.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he pulls himself up. The camera pans with him as he takes a few steps in front of Debbie, who is smiling in mild disbelief. "Moonlight Serenade" starts and plays throughout.)
Or maybe it just boiled down to one thing.
(Shot past Debbie of Kevin standing in front of her, dripping water. He holds the earring out toward her.)
KEVIN: You dropped this.
(Shot past Kevin of Debbie looking at the earring and smiling.)
But I knew it was more than that.
(Close shot of Kevin looking off toward the music in the background, then at Debbie.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off toward the music in the background, then at Debbie.)
KEVIN: You want to dance?
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Debbie and smiling slightly.)
(Close shot of Debbie looking at Kevin off-screen, then over her shoulder, then back to Kevin.)
DEBBIE: Sure. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Debbie as she moves closer and they assume the position.)
(Close shot of their feet as they dance. Kevin is still leaking water.)
(Closer shot of them in profile. Debbie wipes some water off Kevin.)
Heck - I was no Superman.
(Kevin smiles.)
Not really, anyway.
(Wide shot past the divingboard as they continue to dance.)
But if Debbie Pfeiffer needed a hero...so be it.
(The camera rises slightly.)
She had plenty of time to grow up, and figure it out on her own. After all, a little stardust in the eyes never hurt anybody. Least of all, me.
Fade to
Inside
(Shot of Kevin and Debbie standing side-by-side as she holds his arm and they smile at each other.)
As for Mr. Pfeiffer's five dollars...we put it to good use.
(Kevin looks at the camera, smiling.)
(Click and flash of a camera. The frame freezes in black-and-white.)
We got the eight-by-ten, and a dozen wallet-size.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Torrey Ann Cook - Debbie
John C. Moskoff - Alvin
Stephanie Satie - Ida
Brandon Crane - Doug
Michael Tricario - Randy
Alexandra Kurhan - Deanna
Annie Waterman - Woman on PA
Music
"Tutti Frutti" - Elvis Presley
"Tammy" - Debbie Reynolds
"Try To Remember" - Tom Jones
"In The Mood" - Glenn Miller
"Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing - Four Aces
"Moonlight Serenade" - Glenn Miller
Next Episode
Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
07/04/03 23:45