"Nose" - Episode 109
OPENING SEQUENCE
Int. Day - Girls' Restroom
(Shot of girls in the restroom. The camera moves in on one girl looking at herself in the mirror.)
In high school, appearances are everything.
(The girl licks her finger and smoothes her eyebrow.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Boys' Restroom
(Shot of a guy smiling at another boy off-screen. The camera pans across to a boy frowning at himself in the mirror as he brushes his hair with his hand.)
The way you look. The way you wish you look. The way you wish you didn't look. Nobody is satisfied.
(The boy frowns and turns toward the door.)
Cut to
Int. Day - School Hallway
(Shot of the girls' and boys' restroom doors as they open simultaneously.)
Which is maybe why...
(The girl exits rubbing her forehead and the boy exits fluffing his hair.)
Throughout the halls and classrooms...
(They bump into each other, then pass by.)
We hear the one universal cry.
(Bell rings.)
Cut to
Int. - Library
(Close shot of Ricky sitting at a table.)
RICKY: What's wrong with me?
(The camera pulls back.)
Ricky Halsenbach. When it came to inferiority complexes, he had them all.
(Ricky is at one end of the table, Jeff one one side, and Chuck and Kevin on the opposite side as the camera stops pulling back.)
RICKY: Everybody's got a date for the dance but me.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck smiling at Ricky off-screen.)
KEVIN: Ah, come on Ricky. Everyone ...(gestures)...doesn't have a date.
(Chuck taps his chest.)
CHUCK: I do. (Smiles.)
(Kevin sighs and look at his notepad.)
RICKY (V/O): It's not just the dance.
(Close shot of Ricky glancing at the guys off-screen.)
RICKY: It seems like every guy I know has got a girl.
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Ricky off-screen.)
JEFF: Oh, come on - that's not true.
(Close shot of Ricky glancing down.)
RICKY: Maybe it's my technique.
(Ricky frowns and hesitates.)
RICKY: You know...
(Ricky glances around the guys off-screen.)
RICKY: Sometimes I walk by couples just to try to listen in on what they're saying.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck frowning slightly at Ricky off-screen.)
RICKY (V/O): Figure out how they're doing it. And ya know...
(Close shot of Ricky glancing at the guys and shaking his head.)
RICKY: They're not saying anything special. They're just saying stuff like..."pass the pepper".
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck frowning slightly at Ricky off-screen.)
RICKY (V/O): I can say that.
(Chuck and Kevin glance at each other.)
(Close shot of Ricky frowning at Chuck and Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: So what's wrong with me?
(Shot past Ricky and Jeff of Chuck and Kevin. Kevin glances toward Jeff.)
Now, of course, the guy was a friend, so we wanted to be supportive.
(Kevin looks at Ricky and frowns.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking down.)
JEFF: Hey, Ricky...ya know, you're gonna find a girl.
(Jeff looks at Ricky off-screen.)
JEFF: It just takes time, that's all.
(Shot past Ricky Chuck and Kevin.)
CHUCK: Sometimes it takes years. (Frowns.)
(Kevin gestures.)
BOY (V/O): I'll see ya tonight, alright?
(Close shot of Ricky glancing off.)
(Shot of a guy and girl approaching the camera, with their arm around each other, smiling.)
RICKY (V/O): Look at that guy.
(Shot of Ricky, Chuck and Kevin as Ricky gestures toward the couple as they pass by.)
RICKY: What's he got that I don't?
(Chuck and Kevin glance over their shoulders.)
But if there was one essential rule in high school...
(Kevin and Chuck look forward, slightly puzzled.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking down.)
It was that certain questions...
(Jeff looks at Kevin off-screen.)
Were better left unanswered.
(Shot of Chuck and Kevin glancing at each other, then at Ricky off-screen.)
KEVIN: I don't know, man.
(Kevin shakes his head and gestures.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking down and frowning as the bell rings.)
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): Now when Holden Caufield...
Cut to
Int. - Classroom
(Shot ot Mr. Atkinson walking across the room holding a book.)
MR. ATKINSON: Was talking about all the...pain and...sadness...(gestures)...he experienced as a teenager...
(Shot past Mr. Atkinson of the class as he gestures.)
MR. ATKINSON: How does that relate to your own lives?
(Shot of Mr. Atkinson as he waves his hands. The class is unresponsive.)
MR. ATKINSON: Come on! (Smiles.) Y-you're stuck in this place everyday with all its cliques...
(Shot past Mr. Atkinson of the class as he gestures.)
MR. ATKINSON: A-and...all the put-downs!
(Shot of Mr. Atkinson as he waves his hand.)
MR. ATKINSON: What really bugs you?
(He points with the book.)
MR. ATKINSON: Kevin.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck behind him as he looks toward Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
Fortunately, when it came to protective self-covering...
KEVIN: Uh...
(Kevin glances off, then at Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
KEVIN: The...cliques and...(smiles)...the put-downs. (Nods.)
(Some of the class laughs softly.)
I was a master.
(Close shot of Mr. Atkinson.)
MR. ATKINSON: I just said that.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck.)
KEVIN: Yeah! (Points.) I really liked it. (Smiles.)
(Chuck smiles.)
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): Brett? What about you?
(Shot of Mr. Atkinson walking toward a student off-screen and gesturing.)
MR. ATKINSON: What really gets to you?
(Shot of a boy in a varsity jacket sitting between two other boys.)
Brett Davis. Class president, captain of the football team...
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck as they look at Brett off-screen.)
And voted the boy most likely to be better than everybody else.
(Close shot of Brett looking at Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
BRETT: Well, uh, sometimes in the middle of a game I get worried that I'm not stepping up into the pocket fast enough. (Nods.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck as they look at Brett off-screen.)
Yee-ah.
(Close shot of Ricky smiling, then leaning toward Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: Yeah. He's got a lot of problems. (Smiles.)
(Ricky looks at Brett, then Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): OK...
(Shot of Mr. Atkinson pointing toward the class.)
MR. ATKINSON: For your next assignment, I want you all to write about something that...(gestures)...really bothers you ...
(Wider shot of Ricky, Kevin and Chuck frowning and shaking their heads.)
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): About yourself!
And there ya had it.
(Shot of the small window in the door as a girl approaches and looks inside.)
There was an unspoken code not to speak.
(She knocks on the door.)
(Shot of Ricky, Kevin and Chuck looking toward the door off-screen.)
Except when you had...
(Shot through the window of the girl.)
Something to speak about.
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): Come in.
(She opens the door and steps inside.)
(Shot past Kevin's shoulder of Mr. Atkinson turning over his shoulder as the girl approaches from the background.)
HAYLEY: Hello.
MR. ATKINSON: Yes - may I help you?
(Mr. Atkinson walks toward the girl.)
(Shot of Ricky, Kevin and Chuck looking toward the girl off-screen.)
CHUCK: Whoa...
(Ricky leans slightly toward Kevin.)
RICKY: Look at her. (Smiles.)
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): And you are?
(Shot past Mr. Atkinson of the girl looking at him.)
MR. ATKINSON: Uh?
HAYLEY: Hayley Green. I just started school here.
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck leaning over slightly to look at Hayley off-screen.)
It was a moment you don't forget.
(Close shot of Ricky smiling slightly as he looks at Hayley off-screen.)
This girl was beautiful.
MR. ATKINSON (V/O): Great.
(Shot of Mr. Atkinson and Hayley as Mr. Atkinson steps back.)
MR. ATKINSON: You can take that desk right over there. (Gestures.)
(Hayley flips her hair back and walks forward.)
She had absolutely everything.
(She turns in profile as she walks, revealing a large nose. Twang of music.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck watching Hayley off-screen and frowning.)
CHUCK: Holy cow.
(Close shot of Hayley in profile.)
And, a little bit more.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: Holy cow. (Frowns.)
And there was nothing more to say except...
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Hayley off-screen.)
RICKY: Holy cow. (Smiles.)
(Ricky leans toward Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: She's beautiful. (Smiles.)
(Ricky smiles at Kevin off-screen, then smiles at Hayley off-screen. Some guitar music starts.)
Ricky Halsenbach...
Cut to
Int. - Cafeteria
(Shot of Hayley sitting alone at a near table. Ricky, Chuck and Kevin are sitting two tables away in the background.)
Was in love.
(The camera moves in past Hayley as Ricky looks at her and smiles.)
RICKY: Look at her. She's really gorgeous. (Nods.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Hayley taking a bite of food.)
And not just in love. I'm talking deeply...
(Shot of Ricky, Kevin and Chuck. Ricky has his cheek on his fist and looks at Hayley off-screen.)
Madly, head-over-heels, blind-as-a-bat, in love.
(Snuffy's guitar ends.)
RICKY: As soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one.
(Jeff approaches and sits down.)
JEFF: Who's the one?
RICKY: Her.
(Jeff looks over his shoulder toward Hayley off-screen.)
(Close shot of Hayley taking a bite of food.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking at Hayley off-screen.)
JEFF: Whoa!
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin. Ricky is smiling at Hayley off-screen.)
RICKY: Yeah...
(Ricky nods and looks at the guys.)
RICKY: She's really something, isn't she?
(Close shot of Jeff turning forward.)
JEFF: Yeah - she's uh, definitely hard to forget.
(He glances over his shoulder.)
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin.)
RICKY: Yeah - I wish I could meet her.
(Kevin sets his fork down.)
KEVIN: Well, if you like her so much...(gestures.)...go and talk to her.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at him.)
RICKY: Well, I mean...what would I say? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Jeff holding a carton and straw, looking at Ricky off-screen.)
JEFF: How about "pass the pepper"? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down and frowning.)
KEVIN: Just say "hi".
(Ricky looks at Kevin and frowns.)
RICKY: Well, you think that'll work?
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Go over there and see. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down.)
RICKY: OK.
(Ricky looks forward and nods.)
RICKY: OK - here I go.
(Ricky glances at Kevin, then forward.)
RICKY: I'm gonna do it.
(Ricky glances at Kevin again.)
RICKY: I'm going. (Nods.)
(Ricky stands slowly.)
(Wider shot across an empty table of Ricky standing slowly as the guys watch.)
And as Ricky boldly ventured forth...
(Ricky puts his hands in his pockets.)
We, of course, gave him all the encouragement we could.
CHUCK: Don't spit when you talk.
(The guys look at each other and giggle. The camera pulls back past Hayley as Ricky approaches her.)
After all, it was kind of a big moment for the guy.
RICKY: Hi. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Ricky's elbow of Hayley looking up toward him.)
HAYLEY: Hi. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking down at Hayley off-screen.)
RICKY: Hi. (Nods.)
(Shot past Ricky's elbow of Hayley looking up toward him and smiling.)
But while Ricky was doing his best to be noticed...
(Shot of Jeff, Kevin and Chuck watching them off-screen.)
CHUCK: They uh, they look good together.
JEFF: Yeah-yeah...I think they'd make a nice couple.
KEVIN: They seem...right for each other.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Ricky standing next to Hayley. He is nodding and she looks up toward him.)
We were doing our best not to notice the obvious.
JEFF (V/O): Hey, ya know...
(Close shot of Jeff turning forward.)
JEFF: It seems she's got a lot on the ball. (Nods.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck.)
CHUCK: Yeah. And she has a...lot on her face.
(The guys bust out laughing.)
Until we did.
(Close shot of Jeff tilting his head back and laughing.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck.)
KEVIN: Come on guys. (Gestures.) We shouldn't be doing this.
(Close shot of Jeff smiling slightly.)
JEFF: Yeah, I guess you're right. We shouldn't be doing this.
(Close shot of Chuck looking seriously at Ricky and Hayley off-screen.)
CHUCK: They look good together. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Jeff turning forward.)
JEFF: Yeah. She's got...great eyes...
(Close shot of Chuck looking seriously at Ricky and Hayley off-screen.)
JEFF (V/O): And great hair, ya know...
(Close shot of Kevin nodding slightly, as he contains a smile.)
KEVIN: And a...great sense of smell.
(Kevin smiles and laughs as the other laugh.)
(Close shot of Jeff looking down and laughing.)
It was awful. The more we...
(Jeff covers his face with is hand.)
(Shot of Jeff, Kevin and Chuck laughing.)
Tried to ignore it...the more...
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley as Ricky looks over his shoulder toward the guys off-screen.)
We couldn't help ourselves.
(Shot of Jeff, Kevin and Chuck smiling at Ricky off-screen as Kevin gestures and nods slightly.)
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley as Ricky turns toward her.)
(Shot of Jeff, Kevin and Chuck busting out laughing.)
OK - what can I say? I knew we shouldn't be doing it, but face it...
(Kevin covers his eyes with his hand.)
It was funny.
Cut to
School Hallway
(Close shot of Winnie frowning.)
WINNIE: I don't think that's funny at all.
(Winnie turns and holds a large stapler against a poster on the wall.)
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin.)
Unfortunately, some people didn't share my sense of humor.
KEVIN: Well, it's not "funny" funny...(gestures)...but, ya know, it's...funny. (Smiles.)
(Winnie looks at him and gestures.)
WINNIE: I don't think so.
KEVIN: Come on, Winnie...(Gestures.)
(Winnie frowns and sighs.)
(Close shot of Winnie looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WINNIE: Kevin, you were making fun of someone's looks. (Frowns.) Why would you do something like that?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Winnie off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, who knows? (Smiles.) "Nose".
(He points to his nose and smiles.)
Get it?
("Brrp-pish" of drums.)
(Close shot of Winnie frowning at Kevin off-screen and turning away.)
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin as she looks at the poster off-screen.)
WINNIE: That is so shallow...
(The camera rolls back as they walk across the hallway.)
And of course, she was absolutely right.
KEVIN: Look. I don't see what you're getting so upset about.
(Winnie picks up another poster leaning against the wall.)
KEVIN: I mean, it's not like she heard us, or anything.
(Winnie raise the poster up and positions it.)
WINNIE: Well, I can't believe that looks are so important to you.
(Winnie puts staples the top.)
KEVIN: Well, they're not. We were just...kidding around. (Gestures.)
(Winnie staples the bottom and quickly turns and looks at Kevin and pauses.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking quizzically at Winnie off-screen.)
Still, when it came to a sense of humor...
(Kevin glances around then looks at Winnie off-screen.)
(Close shot of Winnie frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WINNIE: Did you know you have something...(gestures)...really big stuck between your teeth?
(Close shot of Kevin working his lips around, then smiling awkwardly at Winnie off-screen.)
Maybe we all needed help.
(Close shot of Winnie as she smiles slightly at Kevin off-screen, then turns toward the poster behind her.)
WINNIE (V/O): How does it feel?
(Close shot of Kevin frowing at Winnie off-screen.)
KEVIN: That's really funny, Winnie. (Frowns.)
(Wider shot of Winnie looking at the poster, and Kevin behind her.)
KEVIN: And besides...(gestures)...that's not "looks" - that's..."personal hygiene".
(Winnie gestures and shrugs.)
WINNIE: Whatever you say, Kevin.
(Winnie puts another staple in the poster.)
KEVIN: Look - we're just having a little fun...(gestures)...about her nose, that's all. (Smiles.)
(Winnie turns around.)
WINNIE: Well, don't do it anymore...
(Winnie frowns, then walks past the camwera.)
(Kevin looks after her and spreads his arms.)
KEVIN: Fine, we won't do it. OK? (Gestures.)
After all, did I look like an insensitive cretin?
(Kevin glances off.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - Diner
(Shot of Jeff and Chuck in one side of a booth. Sound of a car horn.)
CHUCK: Can you believe the size of that honker? (Smiles.)
(Chuck smiles and Jeff laughs under his breath.)
(Close shot of Winnie frowning heavily and turning toward Kevin off-scren.)
They were the insensitive cretins.
(Close shot of Kevin holding his glass and looking at Winnie off-screen.)
(Wide shot of all in the booth as Chuck looks past Kevin.)
CHUCK: Oh, God...
KEVIN: What?
(Chuck points.)
CHUCK: They're walking in here right now.
(Kevin and Winnie look over their shoulder.)
WAITRESS (V/O): Can I get an order of chili-fries?
COOK (V/O): Chili-fries...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Ricky and Hayley approaching in the distance, smiling.)
(Shot of Jeff and Chuck.)
JEFF: Yep. Here comes the three of them.
(Jeff and Chuck giggle.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as she frowns at him.)
WINNIE: That was real funny, Kevin. (Frowns.)
(Kevin looks at her.)
KEVIN: Well...(gestures)...I didn't say anything!
WINNIE: That's no excuse.
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley as they stop next to the booth.)
RICKY: Hey guys. (Smiles.)
(Wide shot of all.)
KEVIN: Oh, hi.
HAYLEY: Hi.
WINNIE: Hi. (Nods.) You must be Hayley.
(Close shot of Hayley looking at Winnie off-screen.)
HAYLEY: Yeah. That's right. (Smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as she smiles at Hayley off-screen.)
WINNIE: I'm Winnie. It's nice to meet you. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Hayley nodding slightly at Winnie off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): So, uh...
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Ricky and Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: What have you guys been doing? (Smiles.)
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley.)
RICKY: Ah, we went to the movies together. (Smiles.)
HAYLEY: We saw "Harold and Maude". It's about this old lady - eighty years old, and this young guy, about nineteen...(frowns)...and they fall in love.
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Ricky and Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well, that sounds...nice. (Gestures.)
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley.)
HAYLEY: I mean, it was really kind of beautiful. Nothing else mattered except how they felt about each other.
RICKY: We're goin' to the Spring dance together...(Smiles.)
(Hayley smiles and looks at Ricky.)
(Shot of the four in the booth.)
KEVIN: That's great! (Smiles.)
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley.)
RICKY: Yeah...(Smiles.) I, uh...I asked her...
(They look at each other.)
RICKY: And she said "yes". (Smiles.)
HAYLEY: Well that's usually how it works, Ricky. (Smiles.)
Sitting there, watching Hayley...
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Ricky and Hayley off-screen.)
I started to see what Ricky saw in her. She was nice...
(Close shot of Hayley smiling.)
Friendly...it almost made you completely forget about...
HAYLEY: Oh...(Frowns.)
("Jaws"-like music starts.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: What's the matter?
(Close shot of Hayley as she fans her face with her hand and rolls her eyes up.)
That nose.
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Hayley off-screen.)
HAYLEY (V/O): I'm gonna sneeze.
(Kevin looks worried, and Winnie glances toward Chuck and Jeff.)
It was horrible.
(Shot of Jeff and Chuck as they slowly slide their food away from Hayley. Chuck cover his hamburger.)
It was like battening down for a hurricane...
(Close shot of Hayley as she continues to wind up her sneeze.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking worriedly at Hayley off-screen.)
Heading for the storm-cellar...
(Close shot of Chuck looking worriedly at Hayley off-screen.)
During a tornado.
(Close shot of Hayley as she covers her nose and makes a small high-pitched sneeze, then smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot of Jeff and Chuck relaxing.)
(Shot of Ricky and Hayley.)
RICKY: Geshundheit. (Smiles.)
HAYLEY: Thank you.
(They look toward the guys off-screen.)
RICKY: Well, ah...we gotta be going.
WINNIE (V/O): It was nice meeting you.
(Ricky waves slightly and they turn to leave.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie looking at them off-screen.)
HAYLEY (V/O): Bye...
(Kevin looks at the guys off-screen.)
It was all we could do to keep a straight face...
(Shot of Jeff and Chuck as Jeff makes a little salute. Chuck glances at him, and they laugh.)
And hope that nobody would notice.
(Shot of Kevin laughing as Winnie frowns at him.)
(Shot of Ricky looking over his shoulder toward the guys off-screen and pausing, then following Hayley.)
Cut to
Int. - Mr. Atkinsn's Classroom
(Shot of Hayley approaching the camera as the bell rings. Kevin enters the doorway in the background as Hayley passes the camera.)
Unfortunately, somebody did.
(Kevin slows up as Ricky approaches him.)
RICKY: What was everybody laughing at yesterday?
KEVIN: Laughing? Were we laughing?
RICKY: Yeah. At the diner. Did Hayley say something funny?
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: No.
(He shakes his head.)
KEVIN: I don't think so...
(Kevin glances toward Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin as Kevin looks back to him.)
RICKY: Well, you weren't...laughing at her nose, were you?
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
Woops.
KEVIN: Nose? (Frowns.) What nose? (Smiles.)
(They look toward Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot of Hayley in profile, seated at her desk.)
RICKY (V/O)): Haven't you noticed? It's a little big, isn't it?
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin as Kevin looks toward him.)
KEVIN: No. I mean, it...it's just a...nose.
(Kevin glances toward Hayley off-screen then back to Ricky.)
KEVIN: Just like anyone else's nose. I mean, it's uh...
(Kevin glances toward Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: Just...a-a nose. (Frowns.)
(Kevin looks at Ricky.)
KEVIN: That's all it is...(nods)...a nose. (Frowns.)
(They look toward Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot of Hayley in profile, seated at her desk.)
I figured if I said the word "nose" three thousand times, maybe he'd believe me.
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin as Ricky frowns and nods slightly as the bell rings.)
(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then they start to walk toward their desks.)
(Wide shot of Kevin and Ricky walking down the aisles. Mr. Atkinson stands at his desk.)
MR. ATKINSON: OK, everybody...class is starting.
(The camera pans with Kevin as Kevin and Ricky take their seats.)
MR. ATKINSON: Take your seats.
(Close shot of Mr. Atkinson.)
MR. ATKINSON: Today's reports are on things that really...(gestures)...bother us about ourselves.
(He holds his hands out.)
MR. ATKINSON: Who wants to read theirs first?
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck behind him, looking at Mr. Atkinson off-screen, then glancing off.)
And, it was time to get back under our shells.
(Shot up the center aisle of Mr. Atkinson standing in front of his desk.)
MR. ATKINSON: How about you, Hayley?
(He gestures then starts to walk across the room.)
(Shot of Hayley and two boys in the row next to her as she nods.)
All but one of us.
(She stands up, and opens her notepad. She looks at a couple of students off-screen, then at Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
HAYLEY: Hi. (Smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin, Chuck and others looking at her off-screen.)
(Shot of Hayley, and Brett and another boy in the next row, as she glances around.)
HAYLEY: Uh, I guess all of us have different things that bother us...the way we look or the way we feel...the way people treat us. For me...(Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin and Chuck looking at Hayley off-screen.)
Uh-oh.
HAYLEY: It's shopping. See, I look in a store window...
(Close shot of Kevin and Chuck smiling slightly at Hayley off-screen.)
HAYLEY (V/O): At the blouses and the dresses and the slacks...
(Close shot of Hayley.)
HAYLEY: And the fact is...nothing really goes with a big nose. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Hayley off-screen.)
Uh-oh!
HAYLEY (V/O): I mean, you can wear dark clothes to look thinner...
(Shot of Hayley as she gestures and glances around the class.)
HAYLEY: But here I am...with this big nose, and...it really doesn't matter what I wear, it's uh...still there.
(Shot of Ricky, Chuck, and Kevin looking toward Hayley off-screen.)
HAYLEY (V/O): And it's been here for a long time.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder at Chuck.)
(Close shot of Hayley looking off and smiling.)
HAYLEY: I remember, when I was fourteen, I went to see this doctor about getting a nose-job, and he told me I shouldn't get it because my nose was still growing...
(Close shot of Ricky frowning and glancing off.)
HAYLEY (V/O): And I thought to myself...
(Ricky looks at Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot past Hayley of Ricky, Chuck and Kevin as Hayley frowns.)
HAYLEY: "How big is this thing gonna get?"
(Ricky glances off.)
HAYLEY: I-I mean, I had visions of it getting caught in elevator doors...
(Ricky glances off the other way as Hayley looks toward Mr. Atkinson off-screen and smiles.)
HAYLEY: Anyway...
(Close shot of Mr. Atkinson with his arms crossed, smiling at Hayley off-screen. Some light Snuffy guitar plays.)
HAYLEY: Um, sometimes, sometimes I dream that...that magically, it's gotten smaller, but...but I know it's not true, so...
(Shot past Hayley of Ricky, Chuck and Kevin as Hayley looks over her shoulder toward Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
HAYLEY: I guess I just have to put up with it. (Gestures.) I mean, it gives me a personality...
(Close shot of Hayley looking around the class.)
HAYLEY: I have the personality of a girl with a big nose. (Smiles.) I guess that's who I am, and...
(She shrugs and smiles.)
HAYLEY: I guess that's OK.
(She smiles slightly as she looks around the class, then at Mr. Atkinson off-screen.)
(Close shot of Mr. Atkinson with his arms crossed, nodding slightly at Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot of Hayley as she sits down.)
(Shot of Kevin and Chuck frowning slightly at Hayley off-screen. Music ends.)
It was warm. It was funny. In the annals of high school, it was, perhaps, the most honest, true...
(Close shot of Ricky looking forward blankly.)
Self-aware speech...
(Close shot of Brett frowning in thought.)
Ever given.
(Shot past Mr. Atkinson of the class as most of the kids, including Chuck and Kevin, laugh. Ricky frowns slightly.)
It was also something else.
(Close shot of Ricky frowning and glancing off as kids laugh. He sinks down slightly in his seat.)
It was the biggest mistake...
(Shot of Hayley looking down, and the boy in the next row covering his mouth as he looks at her.)
Any kid...ever made.
Fade to
Ext. Night - The Point
(Wide shot of cars lined up overlooking the lights in the background. "Walk Away Renee" plays throughout. The camera lowers.)
By that evening, the infamous McKinley High "nose speech" had become a fairly hot topic. Not that it was anything to get all worked up about.
(Shot past Kevin of Winnie frowing heavily at him.)
WINNIE: I have never heard anything so despicable in my entire life! (Frowns.)
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin and WInie facing each other.)
Rats.
WINNIE: I mean, what were you thinking?! (Gestures.)
KEVIN: Come on, Winnie - it's not that bad...(Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Winnie looking at him.)
WINNIE: How would you feel if I had a big nose?
KEVIN: What do you mean?
WINNIE: I mean, would you still go out with me? (Nods.)
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her.)
KEVIN: Of course I would. (Smiles.)
(Kevin looks off, then back at Winnie and smiles slightly.)
KEVIN: How big?
(Shot past Kevin of Winnie frowning at him.)
WINNIE: Oh, that's great, Kevin.
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her.)
KEVIN: No, I really want to know. (Smiles.) I mean...
(Kevin looks off.)
KEVIN: Are we talkin' one foot, er...two feet, or...(nods)...you know...
(Kevin looks at Winnie.)
KEVIN: Like Jimmy Durante? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Winnie as she frowns, moves away, and looks off.)
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her, as she looks off.)
KEVIN: I mean, come on, Winnie - it was Hayley who read the speech in the first place. I mean, she was making fun of her nose.
(Winnie shakes her head slightly.)
WINNIE: And what about Ricky?
(Shot past Kevin of Winnie as she turns toward him and frowns.)
WINNIE: He's your friend and he cares about her. How could you just laugh at her like that? What do you think that does to him?
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin looking at her, and frowning slightly.)
Hmmm.
(Music ends.)
Cut to
Int. Day - Library
(Shot of Kevin looking at an open dictionary on a stand as Ricky steps next to him.)
RICKY: I've gotta dump her.
KEVIN: What are you talking about?
RICKY: It's hard for me to even look at her. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Well...but I thought you said she was beautiful.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down.)
(Ricky looks at Kevin.)
RICKY: Well, I did. And then she made that speech. And then I started to notice everybody looking at her. And now...
(Ricky looks off. The camera moves in slowly as some dramatic music begins.)
RICKY: When I see her...all I see is her nose!
(The camera moves very close to Ricky.)
RICKY: And it seems like every day...it's just getting bigger!
(Sound of an elephant trumpeting.)
RICKY: I keep thinking...it's gonna wrap around her head like a giant turban!
KEVIN (V/O): Ricky!
(Music ends.)
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: You sound crazy! (Gestures.)
(Shot of both.)
RICKY: I can't take her to that dance.
(Ricky walks past Kevin as trhe camera pans with him. Kevin turns and follows as the camera rolls back.)
This was getting totally out of control.
KEVIN: Man, that's tomorrow night.
(They zig-zag around the counter and approach the camera.)
RICKY: I can't help it.
KEVIN: Come on, Ricky...
(Kevin spreads his arms.)
KEVIN: You really like her.
(They stop at another counter.)
RICKY: Yeah, well...I got my reputation to think about.
Wait a minute.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking off.)
KEVIN: You don't have a reputation.
(They look at each other.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky frowning at him.)
RICKY: If I take her to the dance, everybody's gonna be laughing at me.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him as Ricky looks down.)
KEVIN: Look. You can't break the date with her.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky frowning and looking forward.)
KEVIN: I mean, you're really gonna hurt her feelings.
RICKY: I know. I know.
(Ricky frowns and looks down, then turns quickly to Kevin.)
RICKY: Will you do it?
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Me?! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at him.)
RICKY: Yeah. Well, you're always nice to people.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
Oh, God.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at him.)
RICKY: And you're always sensitive to their feelings...
KEVIN: Look. (Nods.) I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: This is your responsibility. (Gestures.)
(Kevin looks off.)
RICKY: Right. I'll do it then.
(Kevin looks at Ricky and nods.)
KEVIN: Well then go do it. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at him.)
RICKY: I'm gonna do it.
(Ricky turns and exits.)
(Shot of Kevin watching him leave off-screen.)
But even though...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Ricky going out the door.)
I'd washed my hands of the whole mess...
(Shot of Kevin watching him leave off-screen.)
I couldn't help but feel a little bit...
Cut to
Classroom
(Shot of Hayley and Ricky standing face-to-face.)
HAYLEY: You can't go to the dance?
Guilty.
RICKY: Yeah. Well, uh, my uh, m-m-my cousin's coming in from out of town, and, and she's got this medical condition, and it's a, it's a, it's a webbed-foot duck thing.
(Shot past Ricky of Hayley looking at him.)
HAYLEY: A webbed-foot duck thing...
(Shot of Kevin sighing and looking off as he puts his hand on his forehead.)
Ricky somehow came up with the worst excuse known to mankind.
(Kevin looks at them off-screen.)
(Shot past Hayley of Ricky looking at her.)
RICKY: Yeah. And there's only like sixty-three known cases. (Nods.)
(Shot past Ricky of Hayley looking at him.)
And then he embellished it.
(Shot past Hayley of Ricky looking at her.)
RICKY: And ya know it's when you're born with your toes stuck together by some sort of...s-stuff. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Ricky of Hayley looking at him.)
HAYLEY: That doesn't sound very good. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Hayley of Ricky looking at her.)
RICKY: I-I hate to miss the dance, but uh...(frowns)...we're gonna have to take her to the hospital tomorrow night.
(Shot past Ricky of Hayley looking at him.)
HAYLEY: Yeah. (Shrugs.) Uh...I hope she's OK.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of them standing face-to-face.)
Of course, Hayley must have known it was a lie.
(Hayley turns and walks off as Ricky approaches the camera.)
But she handled it with dignity.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Hayley off-screen. Bell rings.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - The Dance
(Close shot of a decorative lamp. "Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" plays. The camera pans across several couples in suits and dresses.)
Saturday night.
(The camera moves past a bunch of helium balloons to the crowded dance-floor.)
Our annual Spring dance. Romance was in the air.
(The camera pauses on one happy couple dancing.)
Couples were in each other's arms.
Shot from behind Kevin of Kevin and Winnie dancing not too closely.)
KEVIN: Listen, Winnie...if we were any farther apart, I could get you punch...(gestures)...while we're dancing. (Smiles.)
WINNIE: Is that another one of your jokes, Kevin?
(They pause as Winnie pulls away, and they drop their arms.)
Well, most couples.
KEVIN: Winnie...
(Close shot of Winnie looking toward Ricky off-screen.)
KEVIN (V/O): Is this about Ricky?
(Winnie looks at Kevin off-screen.)
WINNIE: I can't believe he broke the date.
(She glances off.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Ricky off-screen.)
WINNIE (V/O: And I can't believe he came here.
(Shot of Ricky in the distance, holding a cup and looking off.)
And the thing was, neither could I.
(Close shot of Winnie looking toward Kevin off-screen.)
WINNIE: I'm gonna go powder my - (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Winnie off-screen.)
Nose?
(Kevin smiles slightly.)
(Close shot of innie frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WINNIE: Never mind. (Exits.)
(Wider shot of Kevin looking after her off-screen.)
Yep. Romance was definitely...
(Kevin glances off in the other direction.)
Positively, in the air.
(Jeff approaches him.)
JEFF: So - you enjoying yourself?
(Kevin snorts and turns toward Jeff.)
KEVIN: Yeah.
(Kevin looks forward as Jeff shrugs slightly.)
Pass out the party hats.
(Jeff and Kevin look over their shoulder toward Ricky standing alone in the background.)
(Close shot of Ricky glancing up, then down, and puffing out his cheeks and exhaling.)
JEFF(V/O): Look at him.
(Shot from behind Kevin and Jeff looking over their shoulders at Ricky off-screen.)
JEFF: Well, he does look bad, huh?
(They turn forward.)
(Kevin looks over his shoulder again.)
KEVIN: Yeah...
(Kevin taps Jeff on the arm, then approaches the camera as Jeff watches him.)
(Shot of Ricky holding his cup as Kevin approaches past the camera.)
KEVIN: Hey. How ya doin'?
(Ricky smiles and nods.)
RICKY: Good...(Nods.) I'm just, uh...
(He glances off and back.)
RICKY: Tryin' to figure out who I'm gonna dance with next.
(Ricky looks off.)
Right.
KEVIN: Next?
RICKY: Next...(shrugs)...first - one of those things.
(Close shot of Kevin looking off and smiling slightly.)
KEVIN: Yeah. Right. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking at Kevin off-screen.)
RICKY: Yeah. I'm really having a great time and everything. I'm really glad I didn't bring Hayley.
(Ricky nods and smiles, then looks off and frowns.)
But the fact was...
(Close shot of Kevin nodding, then looking off.)
(Close shot of Ricky looking down then at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)
RICKY: Maybe I should have brought Hayley.
(Close shot of Kevin glancing at Ricky off-screen, then looking off.)
I guess we were both feeling kind of bad.
(Close shot of Ricky looking off.)
RICKY: I don't believe it!
(His eyes get bigger.)
And then it happened.
(Shot of Hayley entering in the distance.)
Ricky Halsenbach got a second chance.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking toward Hayley off-screen.)
KEVIN: Ricky...(Smiles.)
(Ricky hurriedly turns and exits.)
KEVIN: This is great!
(Kevin gestures and looks toward Ricky suddenly.)
KEVIN: She's right -
Cut to
Int. - Restroom
(Shot of the doors as Kevin enters.)
(Shot of Ricky looking at himself in the mirror as Kevin passes the camera as stands next to him.)
KEVIN: Ricky, what are you doing? (Gestures.)
(Ricky faces Kevin.)
RICKY: I can't let her see me - she thinks I'm at the hospital.
KEVIN: Well...(gestures)...so make up an excuse and let's go out there. (Gestures.)
(Kevin holds Ricky's elbow and leads him toward the camera. Ricky pauses.)
RICKY: How? I told her that stupid web-foot duck story.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
OK - a minor detail.
(Kevin looks toward the door.)
KEVIN: Well, then go out there...
(Kevin looks at Ricky.)
KEVIN: And tell her the truth.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky sighing.)
RICKY: I can't. (Frowns.)
KEVIN: Ricky...
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Remember when you first met her? (Smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky smiling slightly.)
KEVIN: I mean, you were crazy about her.
(Ricky smiles.)
KEVIN: You two were meant for each other.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: And then you had to start listening to us jerks, and everything. (Smiles.) I mean half the time, we don't even know what we're talking about. We just...talk just to talk.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking at him.)
KEVIN: Don't ya understand?
(Ricky nods slightly and looks down.)
KEVIN: I mean, you had somethin' great together.
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin smiling at him.)
KEVIN: So just...
(Kevin looks toward the door.)
KEVIN: Go out there and tell her that.
(Kevin looks at Ricky.)
KEVIN: Don't let anything get in your way.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down.)
I don't know...
(Ricky looks at Kevin.)
Maybe I was trying to make up for all my...
(Shot past Ricky of Kevin looking at him.)
Bad jokes and cruelty.
(Shot past Kevin of Ricky looking down a moment, then looking at Kevin excitedly as he holds Kevin's jacket.)
RICKY: Let's do it.
Cut to
The Dance
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin approaching the camera as "Love Train" plays.)
(Shot of Hayley alone in the distance. A beam from a spotlight shines past her.)
But as we went out there...I couldn't help feeling we were both lucky...
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin approaching the camera, which rolls back with them.)
You don't get that many opportunities to make amends. Rectify a wrong.
(Shot of Hayley as the guys pass the camera.)
To lose a love and find it again.
(They stop next to her, and Ricky leans forward slightly.)
RICKY: Hi.
(Hayley turns toward them.)
HAYLEY: Hi. I thought you were supposed to be with your cousin.
(Shot past Hayley of Kevin and Ricky.)
RICKY: Yeah, well the truth is...(Gestures.)
(Close shot of Hayley looking at Ricky off-screen.)
(Close shot of Ricky glancing off, licking his lips, then looking at Hayley.)
RICKY: They decided to put off the operation. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he frowns and looks at Ricky off-screen.)
RICKY (V/O): I didn't know you were gonna be here.
(Kevin looks at Hayley off-screen.)
(Close shot of Hayley looking at Ricky off-screen.)
HAYLEY: Well...(smiles)...yeah. (Nods.)
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking at Hayley off-screen.)
RICKY: Well...I'm really glad. (Smiles.)
(Ricky hestitates, then frowns.)
RICKY: Do you want to dance?
(Close shot of Hayley smiling at Ricky off-screen.)
And there it was.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking at Hayley off-screen.)
Romance was finally in the air.
(Kevin glances at Ricky and smiles slightyl, then starts to turn away.)
(Close shot of Hayley looking at Ricky off-screen.)
HAYLEY: Actually, to tell you the truth, Ricky...I-I came with a date.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky. Kevin pauses, then looks quickly over his shoulder at Hayley off-screen.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Hayley.)
BRETT (V/O): There you are. (Smiles.)
(Brett approaches, holding a cup of punch.)
HAYLEY: Hi, Brett. (Smiles.)
(Hayley takes the punch.)
(Shot of Ricky and Kevin looking slightly puzzled, then glancing at each other.)
And then "guess who" stepped up into the pocket.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky facing Brett and Hayley.)
HAYLEY: Oh, Brett, you know Kevin, Ricky...(Gestures.)
BRETT: Yeah...
(Brett gestures toward Kevin.)
BRETT: You're in my English class.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky.)
KEVIN: Uh, yeah. (Gestures.) We both are.
(Shot of Brett and Hayley.)
BRETT: Didn't Hayley...(points)...give a great speech the other day? (Smiles.)
(Hayley smiles, slightly embarassed.)
HAYLEY: It wasn't that good.
(Brett turns toward her.)
BRETT: Yeah, it was...It took a lot of guts. I wish I had that kinda courage.
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking at them off-screen.)
(Shot of Brett and Hayley as Brett turns toward the guys off-screen.)
BRETT: It was good seein' ya, Kevin. And uh...(frowns)...uh...
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking at them off-screen.)
(Shot of all four.)
HAYLEY: Ricky.
BRETT: Ricky.
(Brett and Hayley exit past the camera as "You Are So Beautiful" - Joe Cocker starts. Kevin and Ricky look after them.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Hayley and Brett as they pause, then turn and hold each other.)
And as Hayley set off hand-in-hand with her new beau...
(Shot of Kevin and Ricky looking at them off-screen. The camera moves in slightly.)
One question naturally came to mind.
(Ricky looks at Kevin and gestures toward Brett.)
RICKY: What's he got that I don't?
(Ricky looks toward them off-screen.)
And of course, there was only one answer.
(Shot of Hayley and Brett dancing closely as the camera moves in on them. They look at each other and smile.)
He had her.
Fade to
Later
(Shot past Hayley and Brett of Kevin and Winnie dancing cozily and looking at them.)
That night was almost like a fairy tale.
(Winnie smiles at Kevin and holds him tightly. The camera moves in on Hayley and Brett.)
A night filled with magic...and love...and princesses.
(Hayley smiles at Brett.)
(Close shot of Ricky watching Hayley and Brett dance off-screen.)
And pumpkins. Maybe it was fitting.
(The camera pulls back slowly.)
In a land of insecurity, where curly-haired kids wanted straight hair...
(Ricky takes a sip from his cup.)
And heavy kids wanted to lose weight...
(Shot of Hayley and Brett dancing closely.)
And skinny ones wanted to gain it, and everybody wanted to be somebody else...
(Hayley looks up at Brett and smiles.)
The one true beauty...
(They dance out of the shot slowly as a dancing couple looks at them.)
Was the girl who simply knew herself.
(Two girls holding cups are watching Hayley.)
And was happy...with what she knew.
FELICITY: She's really pretty, isn't she?
GIRL: Yeah. I really like what she did with her hair.
FELICITY: I wish I had her nose - it's so exotic.
(The girls turn and walk off. The camera pulls back past a dancing couple, as Kevin and Winnie dance and look toward Brett and Hayley. The camera pulls up and back.)
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Ricky - Scott Nemes
Jeff - Giovanni Ribisi
Chuck - Andrew Mark Berman
Hayley - Renee Humphrey
Brett - Eric Dane
Mr. Atkinson - David Brisbin
Music
"Walk Away Renee" - The Four Tops
"Could It Be I'm Falling In Love" - The Spinners
"Love Train" - The O'Jay's
"You Are So Beautiful" - Joe Cocker
Next Episode
Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
04/4/05 16:55