Tommy Kisling



(Ep 54 - "The Sixth Man")

(Mr. Cutlip addresses the gym class.)
Men. (Frowns.) Let's talk about...opportunity. The opportunity...to be part of something big. Really big. Bigger than all of us. Gentlemen...basketball try-outs begin this afternoon. Who'd like to play?
Now ordinarily, the chance to play varsity ball...is something any kid would jump at.
Hands!
In any other school...
Anyone.
In any other town...for any other coach...
He must be dreamin'.
Yeah, no way I'm playing for that joker.
Kisling. How about you? (Smiles.)
Uh...
(Tommy frowns heavily and slumps forward.)

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(Ep 55 - "A Very Cutlip Christmas")

(Locker Room.)
Cutlip's a raving lunatic!
He has absolutely no Christmas spirit.
He makes us dust the floor in front of the girl's gym class. And Doug with his underwear hangin' out.
My underwear was showing?!
Somebody oughtta do something to that guy.
Hey don't get me involved with this. I gotta play basketball for the guy.
It seemed Paul was about the only one of my colleagues who had a real sense of reality.
What I wouldn't give just once to have something over Cutlip.
Yeah, take him down a peg.
Maybe we should talk to him.
(Scoffs.) Aw, get real.
What?
You can't talk to the guy. Cutlip's from another planet.
*
(Kevin knows Mr. Cutlip is the Santa at the mall, and Mr. Cutlip has been doing favors for Kevin in gym. Now, Kevin is walking down the hall, carrying his school books.)
The next couple days in gym class, my popularity was...
(Kevin turns a corner and sees Randy, Doug, and Tommy.)
Hey, guys.
(Tommy knocks Kevin's books out of his hand.)
Hey!
Teacher's pet.
Not exactly at an all-time high.
*
(On the bus.)
Doug, you can't tell anybody what I told you before.
Oh. OK.
You didn't, did you?
Well...only Randy.
(He points to Randy, who has just gotten on the bus, followed by Tommy. They sit in the seat ahead of Doug and Kevin.)
So, um, what exactly does Cutlip do at the mall?
Forget it.
Does he sell Orange Julius?
You gotta tell us where he works, Kev.
No way!
Well, we've got eyes. We'll, uh, we'll just go find out for ourself.
Holy cow, these guys were serious. The vultures were circling, and it was all my fault. And right there, right then, I knew what I had to do.
*
(At the mall, Kevin warned Mr. Cutlip kids were looking for him.)
There was nothing more I could do. The die was cast. It was Santa's Last Stand.
It's Arnold! Come on!
Look, guys...
Where is he, Kev?
Might as well tell us.
Forget it!
Fine, we're just gonna have to find him ourselves. Come on, guys, split up.
I stood there, helpless, outnumbered. And that's when it happened. Doug Porter looked first, directly into the eyes of the man who had taught him gym for three long years. Then Tommy Kisling looked, too, and Randy Mitchell. Those three skeptics gazed straight at that white beard, dead into the eyes of Coach Cutlip not thirty feet away. But all that they saw...was Santa Claus.
Come on, guys. Let's keep looking.

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(Ep 56 - "The Candidate")

(Paul has organized the greatest minds from school to manage Kevin's campaign.)
Hey, Kev? Do you have any more potato chips upstairs?
And a couple more sodas, too.
And could you grab some Ring Dings while you're up?
OK, OK...I've heard enough. This meeting's officially over.
Hey, it was just an idea...
Yeah, look, if you don't want our help...
I heard the had fried chicken at Becky's meeting...
*
(Doug plans to drop stinkbombs during Becky's speech.)
Look, you don't need this kind of help to win. what you need is a good speech. Have you written one yet?
Well...
Fact is, I'd been a little preoccupied with form to worry about substance.
I'm working on it. (Smiles.)
Write the speech, Kev.
Don't worry. (Gestures.) I will.
(Tommy approaches.)
Except, as it happens...you won't need to.
(He pulls a paper from his pocket.)
Why write your own...
(He looks around, then at Kevin.)
When you can have Becky's?
(He sets the paper onto Kevin's desk.)
See, Amy Broadwell copied it from Becky's notebook, and, you know...since you speak first, I figured it's your chance to steal her fire.
And there it was. The essence of politics. Morally reprehensible. And a guaranteed winner.
Wait a minute. Amy Broadwell gave this to you. Just like that? (Snaps fingers.)
Well, I had to promise her a little something. You know. For after the election.
Well, what kind of something.
Hall monitor.
*
(At the podium.)
Students...faculty...I hereby resign from the race.
(The audience stirs and ooh-ahhs.)
Guess it kinda took everybody by surprise. Paul...Becky...and, unfortunately...
(In surprise, Randy jostles Doug's arm, and Doug drops the box of stinkbombs.)
Doug Porter.
(The box hits the floor and one vial flies out. Some smoke emerges. Tommy stands up.)
Stinkbomb!
Which only proved what I'd known all along. Simply stated...politics stinks.

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(Ep 60 - "Courage")

(In the basement, Doug holds a whoopee-cushion.)
What's the matter - you chicken?
Courage in ninth-grade being a relative thing.
No, I'm not chicken. I'm just not crazy. (Gestures.)
He's chicken.
(Tommy and Doug make chicken-clucking sounds.)
Come on, guys, knock it off! Will ya? (Frowns.)
Look, all he has to do is slip this thing onto Mr. Gardenia's chair in study hall. It'll be a riot! (Smiles.)
Maybe he'll think it's not so funny. (Frowns.)
(Doug and Tommy lean closer and make chicken-clucking sounds.)
Guys, give it up! If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it. (Gestures.)
Yeah.
OK, then - you do it!
Why don't you do it? It's your idea.
(Doug and Tommy look at Kevin and make chicken-clucking sounds.)
At fourteen, true heroism has less to do with actual logic...and more to do with pure stupidity.
OK - I'll do it! But you guys have to do it next time.
Yeah! (Smiles.)
Alright! (Smiles.)

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11/28/14 14:05