Episode 101 - "Kevin Delivers"
OPENING SEQUENCE
Ext. Night - Downtown Street
(High wide shot of a downtown commercial street. A few cars approach. The camera pans with the lead car - Kevin's.)
For most kids I went to high school with, Tuesday and Friday nights meant homework...
(Kevin pulls to the curb.)
Hanging out, dating - the usual agonies and ecstasies of teenage life.
(The camera pans as Kevin stops in front of Chong's Chinese Restaurant.)
For me, those nights meant something else.
(Kevin opens the door.)
My high school job.
(A bit of "Chinese" music plays.)
(Kevin gets out and closes the door, then trots around the front of the car to the restaurant.)
I was "Kevin Arnold - Chinese food delivery boy".
(Sound of a gong.)
Cut to
Restaurant Kitchen
(Close shot of flames leaping out of a wok as it is stirred with a large ladle.)
(The camera pans up to two cooks at woks, and Mr. Chong standing between them, talking to the near cook, frowning and gesturing.)
Where you found harried waiters...agile cooks...
(The camera pans with Mr. Chong as he walks across the crowded kitchen past hanging ducks, and shouting.)
Peking ducks...
(Kevin hurries in from the door in the background.)
And of course...
KEVIN: Yessir, yessir.
(Mr. Chong is still shouting as he hands a large box to Kevin.)
Mr. Chong.
(Close shot of Mr. Chong.)
MR: CHONG: *$^*(&^)^()*$%#$.
(Shot past Mr. Chong of Kevin looking at him.)
After four months on the job, we'd finally learned how to communicate.
(Close shot of Mr. Chong talking animatedly.)
MR: CHONG: ^(*&%%&$^(%(!!
He yelled...
(Wider shot of Mr. Chong walking past Kevin. Kevin turns and smiles.)
KEVIN: Well, traffic was a little rough.
MR: CHONG: )&^&*_&*#$@%##!@#^!
(Mr. Chong walks past Kevin, shouting. Kevin looks over his shoulder at him.)
KEVIN: Yessir. I'm sorry, sir.
(Mr. Chong walks toward the door. Kevin turns and follows, carrying the box.)
MR: CHONG: #^*(&^*$&^#&^&*!
And I made up excuses.
(Wide shot of the double-doors as Mr. Chong holds one open, and Kevin ducks under his arm, into the seating area.)
KEVIN: I'm sorry!
(The telephone rings.)
Not that the guy was Simon LeGree, or anything.
(Mr. Chong reaches over and answers the phone.)
MR: CHONG: Hello! Chong's Chinese....
(Mr. Chong puts his hand in his pocket and looks off.)
(Closer shot of Kevin and Mr. Chong as Kevin looks at him.)
MR: CHONG: Oh, yes, we certainly do have reservations for this evening. Hnnn.
(Kevin frowns and looks off as Mr. Chong hangs up the phone.)
Yeah. Funny, isn't it?
(Kevin turns to Mr. Chong and frowns.)
KEVIN: Can I go now?
(Mr. Chong points to his watch and gestures.)
MR: CHONG: &#^$($%*%#&#$&#%.
KEVIN: Yessir. (Frowns.)
(Mr. Chong exits back through the double doors as Kevin looks after him.)
Still, in his own way, I think he valued me.
(Kevin frowns and glances around, then toward the telephone.)
Hey, he didn't have a choice.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then sets the box on a counter.)
Who else was gonna work for eight bucks-a-week, plus tips?
(Close shot of the telephone as Kevin dials.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he holds the phone to his ear.)
KEVIN: Winnie? (Smiles.) Hi, it's me. Uh, listen, these first deliveries aren't much...(frowns), so, I figured it'll be a pretty easy night...
(Close shot of the small diamond-shaped window in the door, as Mr. Chong peers through it, frowning. Sound of "Chinese" music.)
KEVIN (V/O): And I'll be over at your house around nine-thirty, or so?
(Mr. Chong pushes through the door.)
(Shot of Kevin smiling as Mr. Chong approaches behind him.)
KEVIN: Yeah...
(Mr. Chong grabs the phone.)
KEVIN: I love you -
(Kevin looks at Mr. Chong as he takes the phone, and moves it around Kevin to his other hand.)
WINNIE (V/O): Kevin?
KEVIN: Oh.
(Mr. Chong looks at him and sighs.)
(Kevin smiles in embarrassment.)
WINNIE (V/O): Hello?
(Mr. Chong sighs.)
WINNIE (V/O): Kevin!
(They look toward the phone as he hangs it up.)
(Kevin picks up the box, and looks at Mr. Chong. Mr. Chong gestures.)
MR: CHONG: &**&()_*+^
KEVIN: I'm, I'm goin'...(nods)...I'm, I'm goin'!
MR: CHONG: &*$&*%(*&%^&!
(Mr Chong frowns as Kevin approaches the camera.)
KEVIN: Y'I know...(Nods.)
(Kevin exits.)
MR: CHONG: &*$%(*!
Cut to
The Car
(Shot of Kevin's car in front of the restaurant, as Kevin hurries out and walks around the front of his car.)
And so, twice-a-week, rain-or-shine, with egg foo yung and chicken chow mein by my side...
(Kevin opens the door.)
I entered a world...
Cut to
On The Road
(Shot of Kevin's car on a commercial city street. The camera rolls back with it.)
Unlike anything I knew at home. A world where anything could happen.
(A VW bug pulls out from behind him into the other lane.)
(Close shot from the driver's side as Kevin adjusts the radio, then looks past the camera.)
A world of adventure.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the VW bug next to him. It has "Fioni's Pizza" over a green, white, and red rectangle on the door, and a large pizza poster on the top.)
Excitement.
(Close shot of Kevin turning forward.)
Competition.
(Close shot from Kevin's perspective of the VW. The driver is looking forward.)
The Fioni's Pizza guy.
(Close shot of Kevin glancing toward Pizza Guy off-screen, then forward.)
Every working night, I ran into him.
(Kevin looks toward Pizza Guy.)
(Shot from in front of both cars at a stoplight.)
Maybe he was Italian, and I was Chinese...
(Close shotof Kevin looking at Pizza Guy off-screen.)
KEVIN: Hey!
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Pizza Guy turns toward him.)
PIZZA GUY: Hey!
(He turns forward.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking forward.)
But we had the mutual respect...
(Kevin looks toward Pizza Guy off-screen.)
Of two knights of the road.
KEVIN: Nice hat! (Smiles.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Pizza Guy turns toward him.)
PIZZA GUY: Sit on it! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing forward, then at Pizza guy.)
In short - I hated the guy.
(Kevin looks forward.)
(Shot from behind both cars as the VW pulls away, and Kevin slowly makes a right-hand turn.)
Cut to
Ext. - House
(Wide shot of a house with a white picket fence around it. Kevin pulls up to the curb.)
The first delivery of the night.
(Close shot of the doorbell as a hand pushes it.)
(Shot from behind Kevin of the closed door. The camera pulls back slightly.)
Somehow, it was always typical.
(A man opens the door and looks at Kevin.)
The bewildered husband...
KEVIN: Chong's Chinese?
(The husband frowns and shakes his head.)
HUSBAND: We didn't order anything.
(Shot past the husband of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Are you sure?
(Kevin looks at the bag. He holds it up.)
KEVIN: It's on the slip right here. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of the husband.)
HUSBAND: Yeah, I'm sure. (Shrugs.) We didn't order anything.
WIFE (V/O): Honey?
(The husband looks over his shoulder as the wife approaches, in hair-curlers.)
WIFE: Is that the Chinese food?
(The husband looks at Kevin.)
HUSBAND: Oh. (Smiles.)
(The wife smiles and glances at Kevin off-screen, then the husband.)
The informed wife.
(Shot past the wife of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Hi! (Smiles.)
(Shot of the husband and wife.)
HUSBAND: I'll get my wallet.
(Thw husband walks away.)
Next came the inventory.
(Shot past the wife of Kevin holding up the bag and looking at the slip.)
KEVIN: Let's see, that's one shrimp and black-bean sauce...
(The wife nods.)
(Close shot of the wife.)
KEVIN (V/O): Moo goo gai pan...
(The wife nods.)
KEVIN (V/O): Fried rice...
(The wife nods.)
KEVIN (V/O): And eggrolls.
(The wife nods.)
(Shot past the wife of Kevin handing the bag to the wife and smiling.)
Then the pop quiz.
(Very close shot of the wife frowning.)
WIFE: Is there soy sauce?
(Very close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: On the bottom. (Smiles.)
(Very close shot of the wife frowning.)
WIFE: Crispy noodles?
(Very close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Next to the soy sauce.
(Very close shot of the wife frowning.)
WIFE: Hot mustard?
(Very close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Absolutely.
(Very close shot of the wife frowning.)
WIFE: We ordered two fried rices.
(Very close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: I put it all in one big box.
(Shot of the wife looking in the bag.)
WIFE: Oh.
(Shot past the wife of Kevin as she looks in the bag.)
This was followed by the self-serving brown-nosing.
KEVIN: And, I...also threw in some extra plum-sauce for ya. (Smiles.)
(Shot of the wife in the doorway as the husband returns.)
WIFE: Thanks. (Smiles).
HUSBAND: OK, how much do we owe ya?
(Shot past the husband and wife of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Uh...
(Kevin glances at the slip on the bag.)
KEVIN: Eight-sixty-five.
(Close shot of the husbands wallet as he slides a $10-bill out.)
Which brought us to the bottom-line.
(Sound of a cash-register bell.)
The tip.
(Shot of the husband and wife as the husband frowns in thought.)
HUSBAND: Eight-sixty-five...
(He holds out the bill.)
A total that screamed..."Tip him a dollar-thirty-five!"
(Shot past the wife of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Uh, you, you want any change?
(Kevin smiles and shrugs.)
(Shot of the husband and wife, as he frowns.)
HUSBAND: Gimme a buck back. (Nods.)
(Shot past the wife of Kevin as he hesitates.)
KEVIN: Oh...(Smiles.)
(Kevin takes his wallet out.)
(Shot of the husband and wife. The husband smiles and points.)
HUSBAND: You keep the rest.
(Shot past the wife of Kevin smiling broadly.)
KEVIN: Thanks! (Nods.)
Sport.
(The wife turns away. Kevin frowns.)
(Wider shot of Kevin turning away as the door closes.)
KEVIN: For nothin'. (Frowns.)
(Kevin walks toward the camera as he glances over his shoulder, and puts his wallet away.)
Course, a delivery was never complete without one final encounter.
(Sound of a barking dog.)
(Shot of a barking dog on the walkway.)
(Low close shot of Kevin frowning.)
The yapping dog.
KEVIN: Oh, great!
(Kevin frowns and glances off.)
(Close shot of the barking dog.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at the dog off-screen.)
How to handle this was in direct relationship to the size of the tip.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then at the dog off-screen.)
If it was a big tip, you throw the dog a spare-rib.
(Kevin glances around.)
In this case...
(Kevin leans forward, makes faces and growls.)
(Close shot of the dog squealing and turning away.)
(Wide shot of Kevin in the yard as the dog runs away.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking after it off-screen, and smiling.)
It was dog-eat-dog.
Cut to
On The Road
(Shot of Kevin's car on the road. The camera rolls back with it. The radio is on, and Kevin sings along.)
On the road...
KEVIN: "Very happy..."
Your car became your home. Your radio...your companion.
KEVIN: "I'm so glad you..."
It was like having your own private concert-hall.
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin looks forward, singing.)
KEVIN: "Came into my life"
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin.)
KEVIN: "I'm a soul man!"
(Kevin looks into the rear-view mirror and taps it.)
Where you rocked...
KEVIN: "I'm a soul man!"
And rolled...
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin sings.)
KEVIN: "Take a letter, Maria"
And moved...
KEVIN: "Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo"
(Kevin glances around.)
KEVIN: "Address it to my wife"
And grooved...
(Close shot through the windshield of Kevin tapping the steering wheel and glancing off.)
KEVIN: "I know just what to say"
Sure, maybe you couldn't sing a note.
KEVIN: "I answer right away."
It didn't matter - it was just you and the music.
(Shot from the front of Kevin's car as he slows down at a stop light.)
You were Neil Diamond and Mick Jagger, rolled into one.
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin sings animatedly.)
KEVIN: "I wanna be Bobby's girl, I wanna be Bobby's -"
(Kevin looks past the camera and hesitates.)
(Shot past Kevin of two young women in the car beside him, looking at him and giggling.)
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin looks at the women off-screen.)
KEVIN: God.
(He looks forward.)
(Closer shot of the two women looking at each other and laughing.)
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin looks at the women off-screen, and waves and smiles in embarrassment.)
(Shot past Kevin looking down and covering his face, as the women drive off. The Pizza Guy is in the next lane over, smiling at Kevin.)
PIZZA GUY: Hey, nice man. Very nice!
(Pizza Guy gives the "OK" sign and nods.)
KEVIN: Eat it!
(Shot from the driver's side as Kevin looks at Pizza Guy off-screen and frowns.)
(Close shot of Pizza Guy looking scared and shuddering.)
PIZZA GUY: Oooooh!
(He gestures and laughs.)
(Shot from the driver's side of Kevin looking at Pizza Guy off-screen.)
In a situation like this, there was only one way to regain your manhood.
(Kevin looks forward, revs the motor, then nods directionally to Pizza Guy.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Pizza Guy glancing forward, then at Kevin and smiling.)
(Shot from the driver's side of Kevin looking at Pizza Guy off-screen, then forward.)
One way to restore your dignity.
(Shot of the signal and street sign - Camellia Ave (in Temple City, CA). The light changes to green.)
(Close shot of Pizza Guy frowning as he pulls away.)
(Wide shot from behind the cars as Pizza Guy rushes off. Kevin doesn't move. A police car, with siren and light on, turns from the cross-street after Pizza Guy, and they pull over.)
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)
POLICE SPEAKER: Pull over and turn off your engine.
Totally humiliate the other guy.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Pizza Guy and the police car pulling to the curb.)
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin looking at them off-screen, and smiling.)
(Music stops.)
Cut to
Ext. - House
(Wide shot of a house and trees as Kevin pulls up to the curb in front of it.)
Every night had its pitfalls, its perils.
(Shot through the passenger window of Kevin looking toward the house off-screen.)
These deliveries sometimes took you to the most menacing and dangerous places.
(Wide shot of the house as lightning flashes.)
(Shot through the passenger window of Kevin looking toward the house off-screen.)
KEVIN: Here goes nothin'.
(Kevin glances around, opens the door, and gets out.)
And this next delivery was, by far...
(Kevin slams the door.)
(Shot from behind Kevin at the closed front door.)
The most precarious. The most threatening.
(Kevin knocks on the door.)
One-oh-five Elm street. The home of...
(The door opens. A little old lady in glasses smiles, holding a cat.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Uh-uh, hello, Kevin!
Fanny Tambora.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Hi, Mrs. Tambora. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: You know Clarence, don't you? (Smiles.)
(The cat makes a little sound.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing at the cat, then Mrs. Tambora off-screen. He smiles.)
KEVIN: Yeah. (Nods.) Sure! (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Mrs. Tambora smiling and holding up the cat's paw. The cat makes a little noise.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Hi, Kevin.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling the cat.)
KEVIN: Hi, how ya doin'? Well, uh, look...
(Kevin looks down at the bag, then at Mrs. Tambora off-screen.)
KEVIN: I got the food here.
(Close shot of Mrs. Tambora.)
KEVIN (V/O): I gotta get -
MRS. TAMBORA: Why don't you bring it in? My hands are full. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin glancing off.)
Now, on the surface...
(Kevin looks over his shoulder.)
This was a sweet, pleasant lady.
(Kevin looks forward and steps inside.)
(Wide shot of them as Kevin enters and passes her.)
But underneath...
KEVIN: Well, I'm kinda in a rush.
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh, it will just take a minute!
(She turns and closes the door.)
She was a walking Venus fly-trap.
KEVIN: Well, just a minute.
The problem was that her minutes were usually -
(Mrs. Tambora nods. The camera pans with her as she walks across the room. She pauses and turns back.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh, why don't you sit down?
(She continues across the room and sets the cat down in a cat-cozy.)
An eternity.
KEVIN: Uh, no. Really, I-
MRS. TAMBORA: Well, I have to find my purse!
(She looks at the bag, and walks past the camera.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh.
(The cat trots over and sits on the chair.)
KEVIN: Uh - maybe just for a minute.
(Kevin looks after her off-screen.)
KEVIN: I'm gonna sit down - but just for a minute!
(Kevin backs toward the chair and sits down - on the cat. Kevin lurches around as the cat meows and hops off.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): There's some coffee candy on the table...
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Mrs. Tambora approaching from the dining room, carrying a glass and small package.)
KEVIN (V/O): No thanks - I can't stay!
(Shot of Kevin as Mrs. Tambora passes the camera.)
MRS. TAMBORA: I brought you a *milk for you*.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Mrs. Tambora off-screen, as he takes the glass.)
KEVIN: Oh, good. (Smiles.)
(Shot of Kevin and Mrs. Tambora as she sits in another chair.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Is it very hot out there?
KEVIN: Hot? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: I read somewhere, that the Earth is moving closer to the sun. So that's why it's getting hotter.
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin glancing off.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): I guess, in fifty years, or so...
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora gesturing.)
MRS. TAMBORA: We'll all be burned up! Not that it'll affect me.
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Nah, I guess not.
(He smiles and looks down, then back to Mrs. Tambora suddenly.)
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora looking at him.)
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Well, I mean...(smiles)...I'm sure you'll be...burnt up like to rest of us. (Nods.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): My mother lived...
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Till she was ninety-two. And my aunt, eighty-five. And my grandmother, was a hundred-and-six years old. Oooh!
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Can you imagine? A hundred-and-six years?
Nope.
KEVIN: No. (Shrugs.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Mmm-hmmm.(Nods.)
KEVIN: But I -
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: She had a lot of trouble with her feet. (Gestures.) My grandmother...She used to ask all her grandchildren to give her massages. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin frowning.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): Do you think foot-doctors are real doctors?
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Because in my lifetime, we didn't have all these specialists, you know...
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin looking off and frowning.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): We went to a doctor...
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: And she saw all of you! And -
(Kevin stands up suddenly.)
(Close shot of Kevin smling at Mrs. Tambora off-screen.)
KEVIN: So! That'll be four-twenty-three.
(Shot past Kevin of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh...(Smiles.)
(She stands up.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Of course!
(She looks at her purse, pulls out a folded bill, looks at it, and hands it to Kevin.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Here's five dollars! It's all for you! (Smiles.)
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Thanks. (Smiles.)
(He glances at the money, then toward the window, then Mrs. Tambora.)
KEVIN: Well, seeya later!
(Kevin turns and walks toward the door. Mrs. Tambora follows.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Are you sure you can't stay?
(Kevin turns toward her.)
(Close shot of Mrs. Tambora smiling.)
MRS. TAMBORA: I have Parchessi in the closet! (Nods.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen.)
Now, the the thing is...I knew she was lonely.
(Kevin glances off toward the closet.)
I knew she wanted company...
(Shot of Mrs. Tambora holding her purse, smiling.)
And there was really just one thing I could say.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at her off-screen.)
KEVIN: I threw in some extra plum sauce. (Smiles.) No charge.
(Shot of Mrs. Tambora as she presses her hands together and smiles broadly.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oooh - Plum sauce!
(She hold she hand to her cheek.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oooooh!
(She hurries out of the shot.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): I love plum sauce!
(Shot of Kevin looking after her and making a face, then hurries to the door.)
MRS. TAMBORA (V/O): You know, when I was a little girl...
(Kevin opens the door and hurries out.)
(Sound of a Chinese gong.)
Cut to
Int. - Chong's Chinese
(Shot of Kevin on the phone as bus-boys walk across the camera.)
KEVIN: Winnie! Hi, it's me. Uh, listen. I'm running a little later than I thought.
The second phone call of the night.
KEVIN: Right. I had to talk to some lady's cat.
(Another man walks across the shot, and a man comes through the double-doors.)
In some ways, it was pivotal.
KEVIN: Yeah...yeah, I miss you, too.
(Shot of Kevin from behind. The kitchen workers turn and look at him.)
Unfortunately, privacy was at a minimum.
(Kevin turns to face the camera.)
KEVIN: Yeah, yeah...(Smiles.)
(Closer shot of Kevin glancing over his shoulder.)
KEVIN: Winnie, I can't say it right now...(Frowns.)
What the hell...
KEVIN: I love you, too! (Smiles.)
(Shot of the kitchen workers. They turn and "ooh" and "ah", and make kissing sounds.)
(Shot of Kevin and the double-doors as he frowns at the guys off-screen, and gestures.)
KEVIN: Very funny.
(Kevin hangs up the phone, but misses the hook, and bangs the phone a couple times till he gets it.)
(Mr. Chong enters through the double-doors. He pauses and frowns at Kevin.)
MR. CHONG: Hey! &^*$*%&*)%^&%)%^. $&^*&^)*^.
(Mr. Chong walks past Kevin.)
KEVIN: Gotcha, OK.
(Mr. Chong looks at other employees off-screen.)
MR. CHONG: Hey! @#*#*#%*%$(($$@&#*!
(Kevin hesitates, then walks through the double-doors.)
And with those words of encouragement...
Cut to
Ext. - On The Road
(Shot of the road as Kevin's car approaches. The radio is on and Kevin is singing.)
I was back on the road...ready for anything.
KEVIN: "Find out what it means to me! R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Hey boy, T-C-B! Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me..."
Cut to
Ext. - Ivy Covered Building
(Shot past Kevin's leg and the bag of food, of the building as Kevin walks away from the camera, up the walkway. "Respect" fades.)
Course, the role of a delivery boy wasn't exactly for the faint-of-heart.
(Kevin looks at the slip on the bag as he approaches the door.)
(Shot past Kevin of the closed door as he approaches it and rings the bell. The bell chimes.)
Fact is, sometimes you had to be a little pushy...
(Kevin glances over his shoulder.)
To get the job done.
(Kevin looks at the door and opens it.)
(Shot of the door as Kevin walks though it, looks off, and glances around.)
You had to be ready to deal with strange characters.
(Shot past Kevin of a man standing and turning to face him. He frowns and removes his glasses.)
Very strange characters.
(Shot past the man of Kevin looking at the slip on the bag, then at the man.)
KEVIN: Mr. Kramer?
(Close shot of the man.)
MAN: You're looking for Mr. Kramer?
(Shot past the man of Kevin looking at the slip on the bag, then at the man.)
KEVIN: Uh...Yeah. He ordered some food from Chong's Chinese.
(Close shot of the man. He frowns and tilts his head.)
MAN: I very much doubt it.
(Shot past the man of Kevin.)
KEVIN: No...
(Kevin holds the bag up and points.)
KEVIN: I have the slip right here.
(Close shot of the man. He raises his eye-brows.)
KEVIN (V/O): Look.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Will you just let me talk to the guy? (Nods.)
(Kevin glances at the bag, then the man off-screen.)
KEVIN: My boss will get mad if I don't deliver this food.
(Shot past Kevin of the man. He tilts his head.)
MAN: As you wish...
(The camera pans as they walk a few steps across the room.)
Heh-heh. Like I said - sometimes you just had to get tough.
(The camera moves in front of them as they pause.)
Not take "no" for an answer.
(They look at each other.)
MAN: Here we are!
(The man reaches across Kevin.)
(Close shot of Kevin as a curtain slides across in front of him.)
(Close shot of an old man in a casket.)
(Music "Tocata and Fugue in D Minor" - Bach plays.)
(Wide shot past the casket of Kevin and the man, as the man puts his hands behind his back and looks at Kevin.)
KEVIN: Mr. Kramer?
(Kevin looks at the man. The man nods once.)
It was a delivery boy's worst nightmare.
(Wider shot of the man in the casket.)
The ultimate practical joke.
(Wide shot past the casket of Kevin and the man looking at the casket.)
MAN: I don't think he'll be needing...
(The man looks at Kevin.)
MAN: The fortune-cookies...
(Music ends.)
Cut to
Ext. - Ivy Covered Building
(Shot of the porch as Kevin opens the door and steps outside. The door squeaks closed behind him.)
And there you had it.
(Kevin trots toward the camera with the bag.)
Delivering Chinese wasn't just a job...
(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then frowns as he walks toward the camera.)
It wasn't just an occupation.
(Sound of a car horn.)
(Kevin pauses and looks past the camera.)
(Shot of the VW bug across the street.)
PIZZA GUY: Hey? You got any eggrolls?
(The car pulls away out of the shot.)
(Close shot of Kevin.)
In its own way...it was war.
(Kevin frowns and looks off.)
(Twang of guitar.)
Fade to
Chong's Chinese
(Shot of Kevin's car parked in front of the restaurant.)
(Shot of Mr. Chong walking across the dining area. The camera pans with him.)
Eight o'clock - the mid-point of the evening. The restaurant was in high-gear.
(An old man carrying dishes walks toward the camera which pans back with him.)
People coming in, orders going out...
(The camera stops on Kevin, who is on the phone again, standing next to several bags of food.)
KEVIN: Yeah, Winnie, I know. I'm just running a little later than I thought. Well, I had this...problem with the last delivery.
(Kevin frowns and turns toward the food.)
KEVIN: I'll tell ya about it later! Yeah, but -
(Mr. Chong walks up behind Kevin and takes the phone.)
MR: CHONG: I'm sorry, Kevin can't talk to you right now - he's very busy!
(Mr. Chong looks at Kevin.)
MR: CHONG: But he loves you.
(Mr. Chong around the food and hangs up the phone.)
Yeah. The guy was all heart.
(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Chong frowning at him.)
MR: CHONG: Hey! #&^$%*&**&$
(Shot past Mr. Chong as Kevin glances over his shoulder and back.)
MR. CHONG: (%. *(&%($^#$&#$*.
KEVIN: Alright...
MR: CHONG: &*(%)&)^^%#$&#@#$.
KEVIN: Yessir.
MR: CHONG: %^((($^&$$.
KEVIN: Yessir.
MR: CHONG: #$&%#&^(^#%.
(Kevin gathers up the food.)
KEVIN: I'm going...I'm going!
(Shot a man and woman entering the restaurant as Kevin steps outside, hesitates and frowns.)
KEVIN: Butthead!
(Shot of Mr. Chong in front of the cash-register as he leans forward and frowns.)
MR: CHONG: *(^%&#&. (Subtitles: Butthead!)
(Shot of Kevin's car in front of the restaurant.)
So, I headed out again.
(Kevin squeals away out of the shot.)
Cut to
On The Road
(Shot from behind Kevin's car as it recedes down a road.)
After all, I had a mission to fulfill. It was my duty to bring pork lomein and crispy noodles to...
Cut to
(Shot past Kevin of a white door as it opens. A minister looks out as Kevin holds the bag up.)
The good...
MINISTER: Oh. Thank God! (Smiles.)
Cut to
(Shot past Kevin as a door opens. It is a fat man in a sleeveless tee shirt and hat, smoking a cigar. Sound of a loud poker party.)
The bad...
(The man takes the box containing several bags.)
THE BAD: Where ya been!?
(The man backs up and closes the door.)
Cut to
(Shot past Kevin as a door opens. There are five girls in pajamas and bathrobes, who look at Kevin and giggle.)
(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly.)
And of course, the giggly...
GIRLS (V/O): (Giggles.)
Cut to
On The Road
(Shot of Kevin's car approaching, and slowing at a stop light.)
But as the night wore on...a kind of malaise set in.
(Shot through the window of Kevin looking off and frowning.)
Small tips and minor annoyances took their toll.
(Shot through the windshield of the street sign (Kauffman Ave in Temple City, CA, a block from Camellia Ave, earlier.) and the signal as the light changes to green.)
(Shot of Kevin's car as the Pizza Guy speeds toward Kevin, honking the horn.)
PIZZA GUY: Suck-errrrr!
(Shot from behind Kevin's car as the Pizza Guy speeds away.)
PIZZA GUY: Yee-hee-hee!
(Shot through the window of Kevin glancing off then forward.)
Still somehow, you kept you spirits up.
(Shot from behind Kevin's car as he drives off.)
You stayed optimistic...
Cut to
Int. - Apartment Complex
(Shot of Kevin carryng a box of food, approaching the camera.)
Because down any hallway...
(The camera pans as Kevin quickly turns to a door.)
Around any corner...could be that one...
(Kevin rings the doorbell.)
Big...score.
(Loud music blasts as the door is opened. Smoke billows behind a chemically unbalanced guy. He looks blankly at Kevin.)
(Shot past the guy of Kevin, who frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of the guy. He looks surprised.)
GUY: Oh! (Touches his forehead.) Wow! (Laughs.) Chinese!
(Shot past the guy of Kevin nodding.)
Bingo...
(Shot past Kevin of the guy.)
GUY: This is really weird, man. I thought I heard a bell...(gestures)...and then, like...
(Shot past the guy of Kevin.)
GUY: Here you are.
KEVIN: How about that?
(Kevin shrugs and smiles.)
(Shot past Kevin of the guy as he turns over his shoulder.)
GUY: Hey, guys! Munchies!
(He turns forward and smiles as other guys approach behind him.)
(Shot from behind the guy as the others walk past the camera and reach for the food.)
(Close shot of the guy smiling and brushing his hair back.)
GUY: So?
(He swallows and takes a breath.)
GUY: How's it goin', man?
(Close shot of Kevin.)
Fortunately, I knew exactly how to play these guys.
KEVIN: Well, you know...
(Kevin frowns as glances around, and back.)
KEVIN: It's not that easy, man.
(Kevin shrugs and frowns.)
KEVIN: Th-the job and all.
(Close shot of the guy.)
Guy: Oh. Oh, I hear ya. (Frowns.) The system, right? Uh, it can bring you down.
(The guy's eyes lower.)
You just had to keep them on track.
(Close shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Except for...you know...(smiles)...the generosity of my customers.
(Close shot of the guy. He hestitates, then smiles.)
HEAD: Oh, sure...(glances off)...generosity...(nods)...sure! (Gestures.)
(The guys takes a breath, sighs, and looks at Kevin blankly.)
KEVIN (V/O): Well, that's...ten bucks for the establishment...
(Shot past the guy of Kevin as he gestures.)
KEVIN: Plus, uh...anything you want to give to me. (Shrugs.)
And there it was.
(Close shot of the guy looking at Kevin off-screen blankly.)
Hook, line, and sinker.
GUY: Oh, man...
(He looks off, then back.)
GUY: I wish I could.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
KEVIN: Huh?
(Close shot of the guy.)
GUY: Give you something more...meaningful. Like a...
(The guy glances up.)
GUY A sunny day...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
GUY (V/O): Or a rainbow...
(Close shot of the guy. The camera pans toward his pocket as he looks down.)
GUY: But all I got...
(He reaches into his pocket.)
GUY (V/O): Is this...
(He takes out several $10-bills. The guitar music gets louder as it plays a riff.)
(Close shot of the guy as he turns to Kevin off-screen and frowns.)
GUY: Money.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at the money off-screen.)
(Shot past Kevin of the guy.)
GUY: I'm really sorry, man.
(He looks at the money and hands it to Kevin.)
There ya go.
(Close shot of Kevin. He glances at the money, then the guy off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah, me too.
(Shot past Kevin of the guy as he looks at Kevin, then steps back and closes the door.)
One man's tragedy...
(Kevin turns around, smiling.)
Is another man's triumph.
("It's My Party" starts, and Kevin looks at the money.)
Cut to
On The Road
(Shot from the driver's window of Kevin singing along with the radio, animatedly.)
KEVIN: "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to..."
I was on top of the world.
KEVIN: "Cry if I want to, cry if I want to"
Thirty bucks in my pocket, and best of all - the night was still young. So, there was nothin' left to do but call Winnie...
KEVIN: "Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop"
And tell her what time a was gonna pick her up.
Cut to
Pay Phone
(Kevin is standing with his back to the phone booth, gesturing.)
KEVIN: Huh?
Just...one little problem.
KEVIN: No!...No! No - if ya can't, ya can't. (Gestures.) Of course I'm not mad...Yeah...Bye.
(Kevin looks off and frowns.)
It was incredible. Ironic.
(He looks at the phone, switches hands behind his back, and hangs up the phone.)
Cruel. Here I was, with a pocket full of money...
(Kevin looks across the street, then back, and walks a few steps along the sidewalk.)
A car full of gas...
(He looks over his shoulder. A tow-truck is hooking up his car in the background.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)
And no place to spend it, but -
KEVIN: Hey!
(Closer shot of the tow-truck.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and passing the camera.)
(Shot of the truck and car as it pulls away.)
KEVIN (V/O): Hey! Hey, wait!
(Kevin trots past the camera as the car disappears.)
(Sound of a car horn. Kevin looks over his shoulder.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Pizza Guy drives by, laughing.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as he frowns and turns forward. He trots across the street, waving his arms.)
KEVIN: Hey! Hey! Stop!
(He stops, and looks after the car off-screen.)
Cut to
Garage
(Close shot of the motor of a car. Sound of an air-wrench.)
(The camera pans up to a man eating from a box of Chinese food, looking past the camera.)
MAN: Thirty bucks!
(Shot past the man of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Thirty?! (Frowns.)
(He looks off and points.)
KEVIN: But I just parked it on the street!
(Shot from behind Kevin of the man looking down and shaking his head as he chews.)
MAN: No kiddin' - life's tough. (Shrugs.)
(Shot past the man of Kevin frowning.)
KEVIN: Thanks. Alright...
(Kevin looks off as he reaches for his wallet, then looks at the man.)
And with that...
(Close shot of some papers on the counter, as Kevin drops two $10-bills on it.)
There went my profits.
(Shot from behind Kevin of the man as he eats.)
MAN: Twenty...
(Shot past the man of Kevin frowning and looking off, as he digs in his front pocket.)
There went my rainbow.
(Shot of the counter, as Kevin drops more a $5-bill on it.)
(Shot past Kevin of the man looking at the money.)
MAN: Twenty-five...
(Shot past the man of Kevin frowning and looking off, as he digs in his other pocket. He pulls out a crumpled bill and change. He glances at the man, then drops the money.)
There went my night.
(Shot of the counter as the money falls on it.)
(Shot from behind Kevin of the man as he eats and nods.)
(He picks up a clipboard, reaches for the keys, and tosses them on the counter.)
(Shot from behind the man as the man takes the clipboard, and Kevin flips the counter up and enters toward the camera. The man holds the food out.)
MAN: Want some Chinese?
(Close shot of the man chewing.)
I didn't even have to ask where he got it.
(Shot past the man of Kevin looking at him, then glancing at the food and back.)
KEVIN: No, thanks. (Frowns.)
(Shot across the counter as Kevin flips it down and walks away. The man looks after him.)
Cut to
A House
(Shot of A white house and yard, as Kevin's car pulls up to the curb and stops.)
Ten o'clock. I was out of money...
(Shot of from the driver's side of Kevin looking past the camera, across the street.)
Out of my girlfriend...All-in-all...I was outta luck.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Mrs. Tambora's house across the street.)
Seemed something had to be done to make this evening worthwhile.
(Close shot of Kevin looking past the camera.)
Something uplifting.
(Kevin looks off.)
Something...
Cut to
Ext. - House
(Close shot of the doorbell as a hand presses it. The camera pans across the door.)
Inspired.
(Close shot of Mrs. Tambora as she opens the door.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Well! This is a surprise!
(Shot past Mrs. Tambora of Pizza Guy.)
PIZZA GUY: Pizza?
(He points at the box and smiles.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Pizza?
(Shot past Pizza Guy of Mrs. Tambora holding Clarence the cat.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Did I order pizza?
(Close shot of Pizza Guy.)
PIZZA GUY: Uh...
(Pizza Guy looks off, then smiles and nods.)
(Shot past Pizza Guy of Mrs. Tambora.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Why don't you come in while I get my purse? It'll only take a minute!
(Sound of a car horn.)
(Pizza Guy looks over his shoulder.)
(Shot of Kevin in his car. He snorts and smiles.)
(Closer shot of Pizza Guy looking at Kevin of-screen.)
PIZZA GUY: Oh, no.
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh, and you must meet Clarence!
(Close shot of Pizza Guy as he is jerked inside.)
(Wide shot past the VW bug of the front of the house and Pizza Guy and Mrs. Tambora just inside the doorway.)
MRS. TAMBORA: Oh, come in! Ohhhh...! Say hello, Clarence!
(Shot of Kevin smiling and looking toward the house off-screen.)
Heck, after an evening of bad luck and bad tips...
(Kevin smiles and starts his car.)
Of towed cars and rabid dogs, and unsympathetic girlfriends...
(Kevin pulls away.)
It only seemed fair to go out on a high-note.
Cut to
Int. - Chong's Chinese
(Close shot of Kevin leaning forward in disbelief.)
KEVIN: What?! More?!
(Close shot of Mr. Chong.)
MR: CHONG: ^%*$(%(%#%#. 216 Maple.
(Shot of Kevin. He frowns and points at his watch.)
KEVIN: But, it's ten o'clock! (Gestures.) The restaurant's closed!
(Close shot of Mr. Chong frowning.)
MR: CHONG: *%$*#^#^&. 216 Maple.
(Shot past Mr. Chong of Kevin shaking his head.)
But enough was enough.
KEVIN: No more. No way, no how! My day's over. (Frowns.) You know, I have my rights - I'm not a slave!
(Close shot of Mr. Chong frowning. Sound of gong. Subtitle: "Incrutible silence.")
(Shot of Kevin hesitating.)
KEVIN: Alright...
(Kevin walks forward, right up to Mr. Chong.)
KEVIN: If that's how you feel about it.
I wasn't just standing up for myself.
(Shot past Kevin of Mr. Chong looking at him.)
I was standing up for oppressed workers everywhere. The down-trodden...
(Shot past Mr. Chong of Kevin looking at him.)
The disadvantaged...
(Kevin peeks down at the bags of food.)
The totally-without-guts.
(Mr. Chong holds up a bag, and Kevin snatches it.)
KEVIN: One more. But that's it!
MR: CHONG: 216 Maple.
(Kevin looks off and nods.)
KEVIN: 216 Maple.
(Kevin walks past Mr. Chong toward the camera.)
MR: CHONG: #*$*$($.
(Shot past Mr. Chong of Kevin walking away from the camera.)
What the hey.
(Kevin waves, and Mr. Chong sighs and turns past the camera.)
After a night like this...
(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then exits.)
What else did I have to do?
Cut to
216 Maple
(Shot of a grass lot, and a park bench as Kevin pulls up to the curb.)
216 Maple.
(Shot from the passenger window of Kevin looking past the camera.)
Which in this case...
(He looks over his shoulder.)
Turned out to be...
(Kevin looks past the camera.)
A deserted park.
(Kevin frowns and picks up the bag. He looks at the slip, then past the camera.)
(Shot of Kevin in his car, and the park behind.)
KEVIN: I don't believe this.
(A car honks three times.)
(Shot throught the windshield as Kevin looks in the rear-view mirror.)
(Shot of the rear-view mirror. The headlights of a car approaches about 50 feet away.)
And, to add Pepperoni to insult...
(Shot through the windshield of Kevin glancing off.)
KEVIN: I shoulda known.
(Sound of a car stopping behind Kevin's.)
I dunno...maybe it was my destiny to end up on a lonely street, in a dead-end job...with no-one to share my sorrows with but -
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the passenger window as Winnie appears, leans down, and knocks on it, smiling.)
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin turning, hesitating, then smiling.)
KEVIN: Winnie!
(Close shot of Winnie as the window is rolled down.)
(Music - "Stand By Me" starts and plays thoughout.)
WINNIE: Hi! Did you get my message?
(Close shot of Kevin looking down and holding up the bag.)
KEVIN: This is your order? (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Winnie. She smiles.)
WINNIE: I knew it was the only way I was gonna get to see you tonight. So, we still on for dinner?
(Shot past Winnie of Kevin smiling, as he opens his door.)
(Close shot of Winnie smiling, then standing up and walking out of the shot.)
(Shot of Kevin and Winnie sitting on the park bench. Winnie has a box of food on her lap, as Kevin is digging in the bag.)
WINNIE: Got some plum sauce?
(Kevin hands Winnie a small container.)
KEVIN: You got it.
(Kevin reaches in the bag.)
And there you had it.
WINNIE: This is nice, isn't it? (Smiles.)
(Kevin looks at her.)
KEVIN: Yeah...(Smiles.) It is.
(He hands her another container.)
(The camera pulls back and up slightly.)
Working for Mr. Chong certainly wasn't the best job I ever had.
(Winnie sets the carton next to two other smaller containers on the bench.)
The hours were long...
(Winnie scooches next to Kevin.)
The money was poor, and employee-management relations left a lot to be desired.
(The camera continues to pull back, past a tree.)
But in its way, each night held a promise - of riches. And adventure.
WINNIE: You want some chow mein?
KEVIN: Uh, no thanks. I'm kinda sick of Chinese.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
WINNIE (V/O): Well...maybe we could order some pizza!
Supporting Cast
Mr. Chong - Michael Paul Chan
Mrs. Tambora - Ellen Albertini Dow
Pizza Guy - Adam Stradlin
Music
"You've Made Me So Very Happy" - Blood, Sweat & Tears
"Soul Man" - Sam & Dave
"Take A Letter, Maria" - R.B. Greaves
"Bobby's Girl" - Marcia Blaine
"Respect" - Aretha Franklin
"Tocata and Fugue in D Minor" - Bach
"It's My Party" - Lesley Gore
"Stand By Me" - Ben E. King
Next Episode
Titles/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
04/2/05 21:15