Episode 96 - "Scenes From a Wedding"


(Shot of stained-glass windows. "The Wedding March" plays on a church organ. The camera pans down to a preacher and the groom looking past the camera.)

It seems to me, a wedding means something different to everyone.

(Shot of the bride and the father of the bride approaching up the aisle.)

To some, it's an occasion for simple pleasures.

(Wide shot from behind the bride as they walk up the aisle of the church.)

And for others, a wedding's implications are more profound.

(Close shot of an elderly man snoring on a woman's shoulder, as the bride and father cross in front of the camera.)

For some...it's a time for comtemplation.

(Close shot of an elderly woman smiling and watching the bride as they cross in front of the camera.)

For others, a time for regrets.

(The woman turns to the man beside her. He frowns and nods.)

(Shot of Jack, Norma and Kevin standing, watching the bride approach.)

A chance to measure just how far we've come in life.

(The bride and father cross in front of the camera. Jack turns with them and Norma smiles.)

NORMA: So beautiful..

(Shot from behind the groom as the bride and father approach.)

Against the promise of those just starting out.

(The father takes the bride's hand and kisses her on the cheek.)

(The bride smiles as she steps up next to the groom, and the father steps back.)

(The bride and groom smile and face the camera.)

(Wide shot from the back of the church as the guests take their seats. The organ music ends.)

(Close shot of the open Bible in the preacher's hands. The camera pulls back slowly to include the bride and groom.)

PREACHER: We are gathered here today, to join Candy, and Peter, in holy matrimony. (Smiles.)

(Shot of the bride and groom.)

PREACHER (V/O): Who gives this bride away?

(Close shot of the father.)


(He smiles and takes a seat.)

The bride was the daughter of Arthur Jensen - my dad's boss.

(Close shot of Jack looking more-or-less bored. He puffs his cheeks and blows out air.)

Fortunately for my father...

(The camera pans to Norma looking past the camera, then glancing at Jack.)

Jensen liked him enough to send an invitation to him and his immediate family.

(The camera pans to Kevin, who looks more-or-less bored.)

Unfortunately for me, I qualified as immediate family.

(Kevin looks at Wayne as the camera pans. Wayne has his arm up, stacking some coins on his elbow.)

(Wayne quickly swings his arm down and catches the coins. He looks toward Kevin and chuckles.)

(Shot of Kevin looking toward Wayne off-screen, then forward.)

PREACHER (V/O): For richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health...

(Shot of Wayne stacking coins on his elbow. Wayne swing his arm and misses the coins. They clatter onto the floor. Wayne looks surprised.)

PREACHER (V/O): Till death do us part...

(Shot of the Arnold's as Jack turns and whispers to Wayne.)

JACK: Can it!

CANDY (V/O): I do.

(Close shot from the aisle of the bride, groom, and preacher.)

PREACHER: I now pronounce you man...

(Shot of the bride and groom, and guests behind them.)

PREACHER (V/O): And wife.

(The bride smiles and holds the groom's head as they kiss. The organ music starts again, as the guests stand and applaud.)

(Shot of the elderly man waking up from his nap.)

(Shot of the bride and groom kissing. The camera moves in slowly.)

And with that...Miss Candy Jensen...became Mrs. Peter Rotelli.

(Close shot of Jack and Norma looking at each other. Jack smiles, Norma starts to cry.)

And my mother...

(The camera pans slightly to Norma.)

Completely lost it.

(She begins to applaud with the others as she noisily cries, then blows her nose.)

Cut to

Ext. Day - The Road

(Shot from the passenger window of Norma and Jack. Norma is still crying as Jack frowns at her.)

JACK: Norma you OK? It's been twenty minutes.

NORMA: Weddings always do this to me...(Gestures.)

(Shot through the windshield as Norma blows her nose.)

Weddings, bar mitzvahs, detergent-and-fabric-softener in one...

(Shot from Jack's perspective of Norma.)

NORMA: It was just so beautiful. (Shrugs.) They're so perfect together...

(Shot from Wayne's window of Wayne and Kevin in the back seat. They look bored.)

I guess you could say we were all pretty impressed.

(Shot of Jack in profile.)

JACK: I just want to get this over with.

(Shot from Kevin's window of Kevin and Wayne. Kevin looks toward Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Me, too.

(Wayne frowns at Kevin and turns slightly.)

WAYNE: What are you talking about?

(Wayne looks off as he and gestures.)

WAYNE: Don't you know weddings are the best places to meet babes?

(Wayne smiles at Kevin.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

KEVIN: Yeah, right - like you'd know.

(Shot of Kevin and Wayne as Wayne frowns.)

WAYNE: Eh-heh. In order...

(Wayne looks at his hands as he enumerates on his fingers.)

WAYNE: Weddings, uh, funerals, uh, airport lounges, uh...

(Close shot of Kevin frowning toward Wayne off-screen.)

WAYNE (V/O): Laundromats, uh, car dealerships...

Wayne's field experience aside, that day I was looking to forget about women.

WAYNE (V/O): Bus stops, uh...

(Kevin glances off.)

Well one, anyway.

(Fade to flashback at the "point".)

-(Shot from Winnie's side of Winnie and Kevin in the front seat. Winnie is upset, looking forward. Kevin is looking at her. )

-WINNIE: You know very well what you did, Kevin.

-KEVIN: What?! (Gestures.)

Honest to God - if you asked me today, I couldn't tell you what I'd done.

-KEVIN: Winnie, what did I do?

-(Shot through the windshield as Winnie looks off.)

-KEVIN: Just gimme a little hint.

-(Close shot of Winnie as she turns toward Kevin off-screen.)

-WINNIE: Maybe if you just slowed down a little, you wouldn't need a hint! (Frowns.)

-(Close shot of Kevin.)

-KEVIN: But, Winnie, I -

-(Shot from Kevin's side as Winnie quickly turns toward him.)

-WINNIE: And don't tell me you love me! It's not gonna work.

-(She settles back, arms crossed, and looks off. Kevin looks out the windshield.)

And there you had it - tried, convicted, and hung. All of which led me to...

(Fade to present.)


WAYNE: Uh, auctions, uh, taxi stands, animal shelters...(Points.)

(Wayne nods, settles back, and looks out his window. Kevin frowns and glances around.)

In matters of women and weddings, I was pretty sure where I stood.

KEVIN: I hate this.

(Shot from Norma's window as she blows her nose. Jack looks at her and frowns.)

Cut to

Int. Day - Reception Hall

(Shot of Arthur, Candy, and Peter. Arthur sticks his arm out dramatically.)

ARTHUR: Ar-nolds!

(Shot past Arthur of the Arnolds, who smile.)

ARTHUR: Hah-haha.

(Shot past Jack of Arthur and Candy. Arthur smiles.)

Art Jensen.

(He looks toward Norma off-screen and shakes his head.)

When it came to my family...he was all heart.

ARTHUR: Norma. Oh, Norma...

(Shot from behind Arthur as he approaches the Arnold's.)

ARTHUR: Look at you.

(Norma looks down.)

(Close shot of Arthur from behind Norma as he hugs her.)

ARTHUR: Ohhhhhhh....

And when it came to my mother...

(Close shot of Norma over Arthur's shoulder. She looks a little surprised.)


(They separate.)

He was all hands.

(Shot past Arthur of Jack watching them, frowning slightly.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning at them off-screen.)

ARTHUR (V/O): Norma, Norma, Norma...

(Shot past Norma of Arthur. Candy is looking down, in the background.)

ARTHUR: When are you gonna leave this guy and run away with me, huh?

NORMA: Oh, Arthur...

(Shot from behind Arthur of the Arnolds. Arthur sticks his hand out toward Jack.)

ARTHUR: Jackie-boy, good to see you.

(Jack smiles and shakes his hand.)

NORMA: Where's Beverly?

ARTHUR: Well, she's...(gestures)...crying her eyes out in the bathroom.

(Shot past Norma of Arthur.)

ARTHUR: She's so happy...I spent three month's salary on this wedding - my own wife's not gonna see it.

(Shot from the side of the group. Candy and Peter are behind Arthur on the left, the row of Arnold's on the right.)

NORMA: You remember Kevin, our youngest. (Points.)

(Arthur walks over to Kevin.)

ARTHUR: I do. Kevin.

(Arthur shakes Kevin's hand and pats him on the shoulder.)

KEVIN: Hi. (Smiles.)

(Arthur looks toward Wayne.)

ARTHUR: Wayne.

(Arthur moves over. He shakes Wayne's hand and pats his shoulder.)

ARTHUR: Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.

(Shot past Wayne of Arthur.)

ARTHUR: Wayne, this may not be the best place to tell you, but...

(Arthur takes a breath and looks off, then back.)

ARTHUR: Well, w-we're cuttin' back at NORCOM and...we're gonna have to let you go.

(Shot past Arthur of Wayne looking concerned.)

(Shot past Wayne of Arthur. He pats Wayne's shoulder and turns to leave. He smiles and pats Wayne's cheek.)

ARTHUR: Just kidding! Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

(Shot of Arthur and the row of Arnolds. Arthur turns and starts to walk away.)

ARTHUR: Just kidding, Wayne!

(Arthur slaps Wayne in the stomach. Wayne holds grabs his stomach and grimaces.)

ARTHUR: Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah.

(Shot past Jack as Arthur steps next to Candy.)

ARTHUR: Candy? (Points.) You remember Wayne from work, don't ya?

(She shakes her head and smiles.)

CANDY: Actually, I don't believe we've ever met.

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: Well sure we have. We went out last August, remember? (Nods.)

(Shot of Candy.)

CANDY: Uhhhhhh...No.

(She smiles and shakes her head.)

(Shot from the side of the group. Jack and Arthur shake hands and smile. Norma chats with Candy.)

JACK (V/O): Thank you, Arthur!

ARTHUR: Thank you...for coming.

And with that, festivities got under way.

(Jack shakes Candy's hand.)

JACK: You look beautiful.


(Shot from behind a bridesmaid of Kevin. The camera rolls with him as he goes down the line of the wedding party members, shaking hands.)

Not that I was a stranger to these things.

(He shakes a man's hand, smiles and nods.)

I knew the drill - the fake smiles, the small-talk...

(Kevin glances off as he moves over.)


(Kevin looks up.)

The incredible women...

(Shot of Kevin, the bridesmaid, and an older woman next to the bridesmaid. Kevin shakes the bridesmaid's hand.)

LINDA: Linda Carr.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly.)

KEVIN: Hi. Kevin. Kevin Arnold.

(Shot of Kevin, Linda, and the older woman. They are still shaking hands.)

LINDA: Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: So...quite a place, huh?

(Kevin looks over his shoulder, then back.)

KEVIN: And how about that ceremony? (Smiles.)

Hey! Nothin' wrong with being friendly...

(Close shot of Linda.)


(Linda turns her head slightly toward the older woman.)

LINDA: This is aunt Muriel.

(The camera pans to her. She smiles broadly.)

MURIEL: Aren't you...a peach?!

(Close shot of Kevin. He glances from Muriel to Linda and back.)

MURIEL (V/O): I was just gonna say I couldn't shake another hand if you paid me.

(The band starts playing "Bad, Bad, LeRoy Brown".)

(Close shot of Muriel smiling.)

MURIEL: But for you, I'll make an exception. (Giggles.)

(Shot from behind Linda and Muriel of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Thanks.

(The camera rises over Kevin, showing the crowd behind him, with the band in the background.)

Uh-huh. All-in-all, it was clear this night was gonna be...some...fun.

(Shot of a few people dancing. The camera pans across.)

There was mixing, and dancing, and music.

(The camera pans to the musicians.)

Such as it was.

(Shot of the singer - a black man in dark glasses, and the guitar player next to him.)

SINGER: "Bad, bad, Leroy Brown..."

(Shot of the counter as the bartender sets a drink down.)

There was food and flowers and booze everywhere.

(A man pick up the drink. The camera pans up to him as he sings along, with his bow-tie undone, and collar open.)

MAN: "Baddest man in the whole damned town".

(Shot of a boy, about 11, and girl, about 6, dancing.)

People who could barely walk...

(The camera pans over to an elderly couple who are dancing.)

Got up and danced.

(Shot of the black-and-white checked floor. Two young boys run toward the camera.)

Small children skidded across the floor like hockey pucks.

(The boys slide on their knees.)

(Shot of two young men and a bridesmaid seated at a table, looking toward the camera.)

And friendly folk from all walks of life...

(Shot of Kevin and Wayne at the table.)

Sat down to break bread.

(Shot of Morgan and a bridesmaid, Cynthia. Morgan glances around.)

MORGAN: Since we'll be sharing a table together, I think we should introduce ourselves.

(Close shot of Kevin looking up skeptically.)

Somehow...I couldn't wait.

(Close shot of Morgan looking around, then smiling.)

MORGAN: I'll start. My name is Morgan. I like enjoy old movies, and listening to albums.

(He rolls his eyes and turns toward Cynthia next to him.)

MORGAN: I'm also pre-law.

(The camera pans over to Cynthia.)

CYNTHIA: I'm Cynthia. I'm pre-med. (Giggles.)

(The camera pans over to Wayne, chewing with his mouth open.)

CYNTHIA (V/O): And, how about you?

WAYNE: I'm Wayne.

(Wayne picks his teeth with a knife, and smacks his lips.)

WAYNE: Pass the A-1.

(Shot of Morgan and Cynthia. They look down.)

(Wide shot of the table as Wayne noisily slides his chair out, stands, and reaches across the table, clinking some glasses.)

Yeah...nothin' like the patented Arnold ice-breaker.

(Wayne sits down.)

(Close shot of another bridesmaid, Andrea.)

ANDREA: I'm missing an ovary.

(Close shot of Kevin looking up, then toward Andrea off-screen.)

KEVIN: What?

(Shot past Kevin of Andrea.)

ANDREA: I like to be right up-front about it because it doesn't really bother me at all.

(Shot past Andrea of Kevin. He is frowning slightly.)

KEVIN: That's good.

(Kevin smiles briefly, and looks away.)

CANDY (V/O): Hi!

(Shot of Candy approaching, and pausing at the table.)

CANDY: Everybody having a good time? (Smiles.)

(Wide shot of the table.)

MAN: Great!

MORGAN: You look beautiful.

MAN: Yeah, you look beautiful.

CYNTHIA: You're so lucky, Candy.

(Close shot of Candy. She sighs, then smiles.)

CANDY: Are you enjoying yourself, Kevin?

(Close shot of Kevin nodding.)

KEVIN: Yeah. It's...

(Kevin looks toward Andrea off-screen.)

(Shot of Andrea looking at him. Sound of a cork popping from a bottle.)

(Shot past Andrea of Kevin looking at her, then toward Candy off-screen.)

KEVIN: It's...great.

(Kevin smiles, then looks off uncomfortably.)

(Shot of Candy.)

CANDY: Well, good...don't forget...(points)...there's more food over at the -

(Close shot of Wayne looking toward Candy off-screen.)


(Close shot of Candy.)

CANDY: Uh, at the, uh...buffet...table.

(She frowns as she turns away.)

(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as they begin to eat.)

WAYNE: I guess she didn't see me.


(Shot of Andrea and the flowers on the table.)

ANDREA: Does anyone mind...(gestures)...if I take this centerpiece?

(Wider shot of all at the table.)

ANDREA: They just throw it out at the end, anyway.

Cut to

(Shot of Kevin standing next to a large swan made from ice, sitting on a table. He rubs its beak with one finger. The band is playing "For Once In My Life".)

So much for dinner. I decided to lay low.

(Kevin is more interested, and rubs the beak with his hand.)

Remain inconspicuous.

(The swan's neck breaks and the head falls down. Kevin glances around, as the crowd in the serving line behind him looks at him.)

Ya know, blend in with the crowd.

(Kevin glances around nervously, tentatively touches the body of the swan on the table, looks nevously at the swan's head, switches his drink from one hand to the other, clears his throat, switches his drink back to his other hand, then non-chalantly rests his hand on the swan's body, and looks off.)

Though while I was blending...

(Shot of the tables and dance floor. Arthur is pulling Norma by the hand.)

(Norma slows up.)

ARTHUR: Dance with me one time, please? Just one time.

NORMA: Maybe later, Arthur, I promise.

ARTHUR: Later? Why?

(Shot of Kevin as he looks at them off-screen.)

Mom was fending.

ARTHUR: One dance - awright?

(Arthur pulls Norma by both arms, and she spills a drink on him.)

NORMA: Ooop!

For all she was worth.

(Arthur shakes his coat.)

ARTHUR: That's OK, it's alright.

(Arthur smiles and takes Norma's glass.)

(Close shot of Kevin watching them off-screen, as Linda approaches behind him.)

LINDA: Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.

(Kevin turns around suddenly.)

(Shot past Linda of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Oh! Hi! It's just Kevin, you know.

(Shot past Kevin of Linda.)

LINDA: So...(gestures)...having the time of your life?

(She looks toward the dance floor, then back.)

(Shot past Linda of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Yeah, it's great. (Smiles.)

LINDA: Well, I'm just bored crazy.

(Shot past Kevin of Linda.)

LINDA: You know, I think couples should do everyone a favor, and just elope.

(Shot past Linda of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Yeah.

(Kevin looks off.)

KEVIN: I know what you mean.

(Kevin looks back at Linda.)

Please don't walk away, and I promise I'll say something interesting.

(Shot past Kevin of Linda. She shrugs.)

LINDA: So how old are you, anyway? (Smiles.)

(Shot past Linda of Kevin.)

Let's see, here.

(Kevin raises his eyebrow and dips his head.)

KEVIN: Nineteen.


KEVIN: I'm a sophomore at State. (Smiles.)

(Shot past Kevin of Linda.)

LINDA: Oh, a State man, huh? (Smiles.)

(Shot past Linda of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Yep. That's me! (Smiles.)

(Shot past Kevin of Linda. She glances off, then steps closer to Kevin.)

LINDA: You know what would be a lot of fun...that is if you're a fun guy. Are you a fun guy, Kevin-Kevin?

(Shot past Linda of Kevin. He smiles slightly.)

KEVIN: Yeah. Sure. I love fun.

(Close shot of Linda. She licks her lips.)

LINDA: Well, um...

(She glances to both sides.)

LINDA: You got any grass?

(Close shot of Kevin. He hesitates.)

KEVIN: Grass?

(Kevin frowns, then glances away, then back.)

KEVIN: Here?

(Close shot of Linda. She lifts her eyebrows and nods.)

(Close shot of Kevin hesitating.)

Yeah, I stashed a kilo in the hat-check room.

KEVIN: Sorry. (Smiles.) Fresh out.

(Close shot of Linda.)

LINDA: Hmmm...

(She glances off and back.)

LINDA: That's too bad. (Frowns.) That would have been fun. (Frowns.) Well...

(She glances off, then looks at Kevin and raises her eybrows.)


(Shot past Linda of Kevin as she exits past him.)

(Shot of Linda exiting past the camera as Kevin turns to watch her leave.)

It may have been a turning-point. Sure, I had Winnie...but this was a wedding.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Linda walking away, and then pausing and folding her arms.)

And if wedding's were a time for romance...

(Close shot of Kevin as he looks at Linda off-screen and walks forward. The camera rolls back with him.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Linda. She has her back to him. The camera rolls toward her.)

A time for possibility...

(Shot of Kevin as he walks forward. The camera rolls back with him.)

A time when we might embrace the unexpected...

(Kevin smiles.)

KEVIN: Linda?

Then this was my time.

(The camera rolls up to Linda as she turns around.)

LINDA: Yeah?

(Shot past Linda of Kevin. He looks off, then at Linda.)

KEVIN: I think I can get us some champagne.

(Linda pauses, then smiles and shrugs slightly.)

LINDA: Meet me at the gazebo in half an hour. OK? (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling.)

KEVIN: Sure. The gazebo.

Whatever that was.

(Shot from behind Kevin as Linda smiles, then walks past Kevin, and exits past the camera. Kevin turns and looks after her.)

And suddenly, with Linda's words...

(The camera pulls back slowly.)

Everything changed. The annoying guests, Arthur Jensen...

(The camera continues to pulls back and up. People occasionally cross the camera.)

All became none other than harmless prologue to the day's main event. There was no other way to put it...

(Kevin looks to one side, then the other, and smiles.)

Things were definitely looking up.

Fade to

(Shot of the crowded dance floor, and the band on the stage behind the couples. The female singer is singing "I Am Woman".)

As afternoon turned in to night...things began to change.

(Closer shot of couples dancing. The band is in the background. The camera pans slowly across the band.)

The music got slower...the champagne flowed...romance took center-stage.

(The camera stops on Norma and Arthur, who are dancing.)

For Arthur Jensen, anyway.

ARTHUR: Norma, this dress really flatters you.

NORMA: Oh, it's nothing.

ARTHUR: Nothing?

(Arthur pauses.)

ARTHUR: If this is nothing I'd like to see something.

(Arthur pulls Norma toward him.)


(Shot past a man in profile, holding a glass of wine, as Kevin approaches from the table area.)

As for me?

(The camera moves over behind the man, as Kevin turns and slaps his hand on the bar.)

KEVIN: Bartender!

I was on a mission.

(The bartender ignores him and walks off, past the camera. Kevin look after him off-screen.)

(Shot from Kevin' perspective of the bar-tender mixing a drink for two men at the end of the bar.)

KEVIN (V/O): Excuse me.

(The bartender looks over his shoulder, then turns away.)

(Shot of Kevin leaning on the bar, looking toward the bar-tender off-screen.)

KEVIN: Excuse me!

Just one little hitch.

(The bar-tender walks past the camera, and past Kevin to the far end of the bar. Kevin frowns and gestures with both arms.)

KEVIN: Hey, what does it take to get a drink around here?!

(Two men near the end of the bar walk away, revealing Jack at the far end, holding a drink.)

JACK: Hey, Kev!

(Close shot of Kevin. He frowns and glances off, then back.)

KEVIN: Dad! (Smiles.)

(Kevin glances toward the bar and gestures.)

KEVIN: What are you doing here?

(Shot from behind Kevin of Jack, who frowns.)

JACK: What do you mean?

(Jack put his hand in his pocket and approaches Kevin.)

KEVIN: Shouldn't you be dancing, with Mom...or someone?

(Jack shrugs and gestures slightly.)

JACK: Can't - she's already dancin'.

(Jack sips his drink.)

(Shot from behind the bar as Norma and Arthur approach behind Kevin and Jack.)

ARTHUR: Your wife's a regular ballerina out there, Jack.

(Norma and Arthur pause.)

ARTHUR: Now, look at you - you're standin' around.

(Norma smiles, pats Kevin's shoulder and smoothes his hair.)

ARTHUR: What's the matter - your corns acting up or somethin'? Bartender!

(Arthur puts a bill in the glass on the bar.)

ARTHUR: Let me tell ya something, Jack. (Gestures.) Everything costs at these things. Flowers?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Arthur off-screen, then looking toward Linda off-screen.)

(Shot of Linda. She has her eyes closed, and smiles as she smoothes her hair.)

ARTHUR (V/O): You have no idea how expensive a couple of tulips are.

JACK (V/O): Hmmm...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Linda off-screen, then toward Arthur off-screen.)

ARTHUR (V/O): You know, you want the napkins folded to look like birds? That's extra.

(Shot from behind the bar of all four of them.)

ARTHUR: Maybe I should quit NORCOM and get into catering!

(Arthur laughs and slaps Jack's shoulder.)

(Close shot of Jack smiling, and looking at Arthur off-screen.)

ARTHUR (V/O): Ah, Jack, listen. I love your lifestyle - you keep it real simple.

(Shot of Norma and Arthur.)

ARTHUR: Plus, you have Norma.

(He looks at her. She smiles as he puts his arm around her shoulder. Norma smiles slightly in embarrassment and looks off.)

ARTHUR: Boy! Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes.

(Norma looks down.)

ARTHUR: Providing, of course, I could keep my own salary. (Laughs.)

(Norma frowns slightly as Arthur looks at her and squeezes her shoulder.)

(Close shot of Jack looking at Arthur off-screen. He looks at Kevin off-screen and opens his mouth slightly.)

But somehow, if Dad was looking for me to help...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: I gotta go.

(Shot from behind Kevin as he exits. Norma looks over her shoulder after him.)

I'm afraid he was on his own.

(Arthur holds a drink in front of Norma, and speaks softly.)

ARTHUR: Would you like a drink? (Smiles.)

Cut to

(Close shot of a bottle of champagne on a table. The camera pans up to Wayne, sitting at the table, smiling broadly.)

KEVIN (V/O): Please?!

(Shot from behind Wayne of Kevin leaning on the table.)

KEVIN: Come on, Wayne. Let me have some of yours.

(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: Get your own champagne!

(Wayne frowns as he holds the bottle.)

(Shot from behind Wayne of Kevin leaning on the table.)

KEVIN: I'd do it for you!

WAYNE: You know, I believe you would.

(Shot past Kevin of Wayne.)

WAYNE: I could give you this bottle. As a matter of fact, if it was up to me, I'd give it to you right now.

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly.)


(Close shot of Wayne.)

WAYNE: But, according to the State drinking law, you're underage. So...

(Close shot of Kevin frowning slightly.)

WAYNE (V/O): If I did...

(Shot past Kevin of Wayne as he pours himself a glass.)

WAYNE: I'd be committing a crime, and that would be wrong.


(Shot past Wayne of Kevin frowning, as Wayne sets the bottle down.)

Suddenly my brother had become Joe Friday.

(Shot past Kevin of Wayne as he smiles slightly.)

CANDY (V/O): Hi...

(Wayne looks past Kevin.)

(Shot of Candy walking away from a woman, then smiling and greeting a man.)

(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking toward Candy off-screen.)

WAYNE: Candy!

(Close shot of Candy smiling at the man, then turning toward Wayne off-screen and frowning. She walks off.)

WAYNE (V/O): Candy, wait up!

(Wide shot from behind Kevin as Wayne stands up and walks toward the camera.)

WAYNE: 'Scuse me.

(Wayne hands the champagne to Kevin, and passes the camera.)

(Kevin looks at the bottle.)

And, I was in the bubbly.

(Kevin smiles and looks toward Wayne off-scren.)

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne stepping in front of Candy. They pause.)

WAYNE: Hi! (Gestures.) How about one dance with the bride?

CANDY: No, I don't think that would be possible.

(Candy starts to walk past Wayne. He moves in front of her.)

WAYNE: W-...how-how about later, then?

CANDY: No...

(Candy starts to move past Wayne again.)

CANDY: I don't think that would be possible, either.

(She walks off. Wayne frowns and looks after her off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Candy off-screen, then toward Wayne off-screen.)

KEVIN: Smooth move, Ex-Lax. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen and frowning.)

Possibly...a mistake.

(Wayne starts to walk toward the camera.)

(Shot of Kevin smiling and holding the bottle. Wayne walks past the camera to Kevin.)

WAYNE: Gimme that!

(Wayne grabs the bottle and walks off. Kevin gestures with both arms.)


(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Wayne walking away with the bottle. The camera pans with him, and stops on Linda in the distance. She has her arms folded, and is looking toward Kevin. An older man and woman form a threesome with her. She closes her eyes for a moment, then looks at Kevin again.)

And there it went - my last chance at romance, intrigue, adventure.

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Linda off-screen.)

My last chance...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Linda in the distance. She looks down and points at her watch, then looks at Kevin.)

At Linda.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Linda off-screen, then looking toward the bar off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): Thanks...


(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the bar, as Jack puts a bill in the glass.)

JACK: Here ya are.

(Jack walks away from the bar.)

And then...

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Linda off-screen.)

Just as things looked hopeless...

(Kevin looks toward the bar off-screen.)

A miracle.

(The band ends a song. The crowd applauds.)

(Kevin walks toward the bar. The camera rolls back with him.)

Suddenly, nothing stood between me and destiny.

(Kevin slows up and glances at Muriel as she grabs him on both shoulders.)

MURIEL: There you are, handsome!

Nothing but - Mrs. Robinson's stunt-double.

(Shot past Kevin of Muriel, smiling.)

MURIEL: Is it time for my dance yet?

(Shot past Muriel of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Kevin looks over his shoulder toward Linda off-screen, as they exit toward the dance floor.)

Cut to

(Shot of the dance crowd. The band is in the background, playing "Look of Love". The camera moves through some couples toward Kevin and Muriel, who are dancing.)

MURIEL: Ooh, your arms are so strong! I bet you could pick me up like a feather!

(Shot past Muriel of Kevin.)

Sure! One of those rare, hundred-and-eighty-pound feathers.

(Kevin looks off.)

MURIEL: You want to try?

KEVIN: No! Uh...no, I better not.

(They spin around awkwardly.)

MURIEL: Why don't you lead for awhile?

(Kevin looks off, then puts Muriel's hands down.)

KEVIN: Actually, I gotta go.

(Kevin looks at Muriel and smiles.)

KEVIN: Thanks for the dance, though.

(Shot of them in profile. Muriel smiles as Kevin turns toward the camera.)

MURIEL: Sure thing, lambchop!

(Kevin slow up and frowns, then walks toward the camera.)

And once-and-for-all, I was on my way.

(Kevin avoids one person and bumps into a woman.)

Driven, unrelenting...

(Kevin continues through the crowd. The camera moves back.)

Determined to get that champagne, no matter what it took.

(The camera backs up, then pans with Kevin as he approaches the bar and slaps it with his hand.)

KEVIN: Look!

(The bartender turns, and sets a bottle and glass in front of Kevin. The bartender grabs a towel and smiles at Kevin.)

As it happened, it didn't take much.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

And with that...

(Kevin glances at the bar-tender off-screen, then hurries out of the shot.)

I was on my way.

Cut to

(Wide shot of Kevin sitting on the top step of a white gazebo, with a light in the ceiling. The camera moves in slowly.)

I took a moment to contemplate my good fortune, my incredible luck, the remarkable turn of events that had brought me here.

(The camera stops as the gazebo fills the frame. Kevin looks at the bottle.)

Sitting with a cold bottle of champagne - waiting.

(Fade to Kevin sitting on the next step down, leaning against the railing, pouring a glassful.)


(Kevin sets the bottle down, and sips.)


(Fade to a shot of Kevin standing a few feet in front of the gazebo, pouring another glassful. "How Dry I Am" plays in the background.)


(Fade to a shot of Kevin standing on the steps.)


(Fade to a shot of Kevin standing close to the camera, drinking from the bottle.)


(Fade to a shot of Kevin reclining in a wicker bench in the rear of the gazebo.)


(Fade to a close shot of the bottom step. The camera slowly pans up the steps. The bottle is between Kevin's shoes. The camera slowly pans up.)

Sitting there one hour later, three-sheets to the wind, drunk as a skunk.

(Kevin is sitting on the top step, holding his hand up, with his elbow on his knee.)

Watching...my amazing hand.

(Close shot from Kevin's perspective of his hand, as he wiggles his fingers. A little eerie music plays.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at his hand. He squeezes his eyes shut, then looks again)

(Close shot from Kevin's perspective of his hand.Winnie appears in his palm. "Kevin, you know very well what you've done! How could you?")

(Close shot of Kevin looking at his hand.)


(Kevin hears a sound and looks up.)

(Shot of Linda approaching and pausing.)

LINDA: Kevin?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Linda off-screen, then worriedly looking at his hand.)

KEVIN: Linda!

(Close shot from Kevin's perspective of his hand. Winnie appears in his palm. "Kevin?")

(Kevin makes a fist, with a "wop" sound effect.)

I had only one choice.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Linda off-screen, as he rubs his hand on his thigh.)

Attempt to play it straight.

(Shot of Linda.)

(Close shot of Kevin. He smiles, reaches down, and waves the bottle in front of him.)

KEVIN: I brought you some champagne!

(Kevin looks at the empty bottle and frowns. He slides his face along the bottle and hold it up to his eye.)

(Close shot of Linda.)

LINDA: Uh, look. I didn't really feel much like champagne, anyway.

(She smiles and nods slightly. She licks her lips and glances sideways.)

(Wide shot from behind Linda of the gazebo, as Linda's "friend" approaches behind her, and stands next to her.)

KEVIN: Oh. Yeah.

(Shot of Linda and the guy looking at Kevin off-screen.)

KEVIN (V/O): Right.

(Linda looks at Kevin off-screen, and the guy slowly looks at her.)

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And I guess that's when I realized a couple of things. One...

(Shot of Linda and the guy looking at Kevin off-screen.)

I'd just lost out to a guy in a really bad tux.

(Shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I better be going now.

(Kevin smiles and sighs.)

And two...

(Kevin leans forward and pushes himself up.)

For sixteen years, I'd taken standing up for granted.

(Kevin falls against the railing. He wobbles around.)

(Shot of Linda and the guy.)

LINDA: Kevin? Are you gonna be alright? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin. He smiles.)

KEVIN: Yeah.

(His head swivels around.)

KEVIN: Yeah, it's...no problem. (Smiles.)

(Shot of Linda and the guy. They look at each other and frown.)

(Shot of Kevin smiling, then looking down as he put his hands in his pockets.)

Even in my stupor I knew what I'd done.

(He steps forward clumsily.)

I'd behaved like an idiot.

(The camera pulls back behind Linda and the guy as Kevin stumbles up against them. He smiles at Linda.)

Betrayed my girlfriend.

(Shot from behind Kevin as Linda and the guy push him back.)

I'd acted like a fool.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

And now...

(He takes a breath and shuts his eyes, frowning.)

KEVIN: Linda.

(He hangs his head, looking at Linda off-screen.)

LINDA (V/O): Yes, Kevin?

(Kevin looks toward Linda off-screen, and smiles slightly.)

It was time to face the truth.

(The camera moves in slowly.)

About myself. About my past. Time to stand up and act like a man.

(Kevin sighs.)

(Close shot of Linda.)

But maybe most of all...

(Close shot of Kevin.)

It was time to come clean.


(Close shot of Linda.)

LINDA: Yes, Kevin?

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Uh...

(Kevin looks surprised, then frowns and swallows.)

(Shot from behind Kevin as he bends toward Linda and barfs.)

(Linda raises her arms and recoils.)

LINDA: Ahhh!

(Linda looks down. Her friend looks at her.)

LINDA: Eeeew!

So I did.

Cut to

(Close shot of a glass being tapped with a spoon, in front of a microphone. Some feedback comes through the mike. The camera pans up slightly to Peter. )

PETER: Excuse me, huh, excuse me.

(Shot past Peter of the crowd. Most are still talking.)

PETER: Excuse me! Uh, before you all go...

(Close shot of some of the crowd as Kevin walks into the scene and glances around.)

PETER (V/O): I just want say a few words...

(The camera rolls with Kevin as he walks between more people.)

By the time I got back from the men's room, I wasn't feeling too good about anything.

(Kevin pauses and looks toward Peter off-screen. Jack, Norma, and Arthur stand side-by-side in the background, out of focus. Arthur has his arm draped over Norma's shoulder.)

About weddings, about marriage...

(Kevin looks toward the group. The focus shifts to them as Norma looks at Kevin.)

About human nature.

(Norma looks at Jack.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking past the camera.)

And at that moment, I couldn't help but think all the proposed romance behind a wedding...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the group. Norma is looking at Jack. Jack glances at her and smiles slightly.)

Was just a sham.

(Arthur turns toward Norma.)

ARTHUR: You gonna dance with me later?

(Norma sighs, then looks down and smiles.)


(Shot over the crowd of Peter.)

PETER: For those of you who don't know me, I got married here today. (Smiles.)

(Sound of the drummer's cymbals. The crowd giggles.)

(Shot from in front of the crowd as Arthur raises his hand.)

ARTHUR: Yeah, and I paid for it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

(The crowd laughs.)

(Arthur smiles and slaps Jack on the chest.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking toward Arthur off-screen.)

There it was. An empty ritual...

(Kevin turns forward and looks past the camera toward Peter.)

Dressed up in lies, and hypocracy, and greed.

PETER (V/O): Not many of you know the story behind Candy and me.

(Shot over the crowd of Peter.)

PETER: I'm not gonna tell it now...I just...wouldn't want anyone to leave here today...

(Shot of Arthur, Norma and Jack. Arthur has his arm draped over Norma's shoulder. Jack is looking down. He glances toward Arthur's hand, frowning.)

PETER (V/O): Not knowing how I feel about her.

(Close shot of Peter. He looks down in thought.)

PETER: I feel, uh...very lucky, today. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin as he glances around.)

PETER (V/O): I don't know what you guys are gonna remember about this wedding today, uh...

(Close shot of Peter.)

PETER: So I'm gonna ask you to remember one thing...that you to know... how...happy, and lucky, uh, fortunate...I feel, that I get to say that Candy...is my wife. (Smiles.)

(Close shot of Kevin, as the crowd applauds. Kevin glances off, then applauds.)

(Shot of Peter as he smiles and glances around the crowd.)

PETER: We did things kinda the old-fashioned way - oh, for 1972 anyway. (Smiles) I'm glad we waited.

(Shot from behind Peter.)

PETER: Honey?

(Candy approaches in front of Peter. The spotlight shines on them. They move in to kiss.)

(Shot of Peter and Candy as they kiss. More applause and ooh's and ahh's from the crowd. The band plays "We've Only Just Begun".)

(Shot of Kevin smiling slightly.)

It was a testament to romance at its finest and most pure.

(The crowd starts to move around, and Kevin glances around. The camera moves in very slowly.)

It was a declaration of virtue.

(Kevin looks forward toward Peter and Candy off-screen.)

Simple, and gracious, and real. And after a day of infidelities...

(Kevin glances off.)

Some proposed and planned...

(Kevin glances off in the other direction, then toward Peter and Candy off-screen.)

Some more subtle...I felt for the first time...

(Kevin glances off, then back.)

That someone believed in something a little different.

(Close shot of Peter and Candy moving in and kissing.)

In love.

(Close shot of Kevin in profile. Arthur, Norma and Jack are out of focus in the background. Kevin turns toward then. The focus shifts to them.)

In commitment.

ARTHUR: Alright!

(Arthur looks at Norma. Norma looks at Arthur.)

ARTHUR: You ready?

(Close shot of Jack.)

JACK: Arthur.

(Shot of all three.)

ARTHUR: Yeah. (Smiles.)

In each other.

(Shot past Arthur and Norma of Jack.)

JACK: If you don't get your arm off my wife...

(Jack raises an eyebrow and nods slightly.)

JACK: I'm gonna break it off.

(Shot of the three off them. Arthur straightens up, and removes his arm.)

ARTHUR: Jack, what...?

(Shot past Arthur of Jack.)

JACK: Come on. Let's dance.

(Jack frowns over his shoulder as he and Norma walk off.)

(Shot past Kevin of Arthur frowning. He shrugs and gestures.)


(Kevin turns forward.)

It almost made me glad to be there.

(Note: Throughout the entire following scene, everything is in slow-motion, and there is no ambient noise. Music "Fly Me To The Moon" - Frank Sinatra plays throughout.)

(Shot across the crowd of Candy holding the bouquet. A woman raises her hand and waves. Candy turns around, and more women raise their arms.)

I guess you could say that weddings mean a lot of things to a lot of people.

(Shot from in front of the crowd as the bouquet sails across.)

(Close shot of Candy as she turns around, smiling.)

We might cry at the romance unfulfilled in our own lives.

(Shot of Peter and Candy dancing.)

And shrink at the unseen compromises our lives have held for us.

(Shot of Kevin looking forward. A couple dances across the shot.)

But weddings also bring out hope. And promise.

(Shot of a couple dancing back across the camera, blocking Kevin. When the couple passes, it is a closer shot of him.)

And possibility.

(Close shot of Peter and Cindy dancing.)

After all, as we choose our partners...

(They kiss.)

Some of us make our choices for life.

(Shot of Arthur and Muriel dancing. He is looking off. She puts her hands on his shoulders.)

And some of us dance with just one of many.

(Arthur takes Muriel's hand off his shoulder.)

(Shot of Jack and Norma dancing, and smiling at each other. The camera circles around them.)

And sometimes - for the lucky ones - we remember why we picked who we did.

(Jack puts his cheek on Norma's. The camera continues to circle them.)

And after years of fighting over burnt toast...

(Norma slides her hand from his back to his neck. The camera continues to circle them.)

And bounced checks...we might, for a brief moment...look at each other as we once did - before kids, and mortgages...and routine conspired against us.

Fade to

(Kevin and Wayne sitting on chairs near the tables. Normal speed, with regular background noise. The camera moves in slightly. The music continues.)

And others are content to postpone their choices...

(Wayne sips his champagne. Kevin glances around.)

Knowing somehow, that the future, like that Saturday afternoon, will tempt us with dances - both slow, and fast.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of a middle-aged man and woman, Peter, Arthur, and Candy standing behind a table. A photographer is sizing them up.)

(Arthur holds out his arm.)

ARTHUR: Come over here, Barbara!

(Barbara comes over.)

(Shot of Kevin and Wayne watching them off-screen.)

KEVIN: That was a really nice speech, huh?

(Kevin turns toward Wayne.)

(Shot of Kevin in profile, and Wayne beyond him.)

KEVIN: You know, that stuff about...love...

(Kevin looks toward the photo group off-screen. Wayne is looking at his glass as he fills it.)

KEVIN: And that whole part about waiting...

WAYNE: Maybe he waited...

(Wayne looks toward the photo group off-screen.)

WAYNE: But...

(Wayne frowns and shakes his head. Kevin looks toward him.)

WAYNE: She didn't.

"In other words"

(Wayne looks at Kevin.)

(Shot past Wayne of Kevin frowning and glancing off, then back.)

"Please be true"


(Kevin looks surprised.)

(Shot of Kevin in profile and Wayne beyond him. Kevin looks toward Candy off-screen.)

"In other words"

(Wayne looks forward. Kevin turns toward him.)

KEVIN: Where?

(Wayne turns toward Kevin.)

WAYNE: At a wedding...

"In other words"

(Wayne pauses, then nods. Wayne looks at his glass. Kevin looks toward Candy off-screen. Wayne sips his champagne.)

(Close shot of Peter and Candy smiling and looking toward the photographer. Candy glances toward Wayne, and her smile fades.)

(Close shot of Wayne looking at Candy off-screen.)

"I love"

(Wayne holds up his champagne, smiles and nods slightly as he tips the glass toward Candy.)

(Piano "Dink. Dink, dink.")

(Wayne sips.)

(Shot of the photo group looking in the camera. Candy is looking toward Wayne.)

(Sizzling sound as the flash goes off.)

(Black-and-white still shot of Peter and Candy. Peter is smiling at the camera, Candy is glancing away.)


Fade to


Supporting Cast
Candy - Aimee Graham
Peter - Tom Wood
Arthur - Paul Gleason
Linda - Sara Melson
Muriel - Bette Ford
Morgan - Doug Kerzner
Cynthia - Michole White
Andrea - Mandy Ingber

"Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown" - Jim Croce(by the band)
"For Once In My Life" - Stevie Wonder (by the band)
"I Am Woman" - Helen Reddy (by the band)
"Look of Love" - Leslie Gore-Dionne Warwick (by the band)
"We've Only Just Begun" - The Carpenters (by the band)
"Fly Me To The Moon" - Frank Sinatra

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Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu

01/01/99 23:55