(Ep 79 - "Pfeiffer's Fortune")
Our families grew, and prospered. One for all, and all for one. Until, that is, things started to change.
(Cut to Paul's school. Paul exits the building and a boy approaches him.)
Hey, it's the Pfeiff - how ya doin'?
Take Paul goin' to prep school, for instance.
(Kevin approaches Paul.)
"Pfeiff"? (Smiles.) What - is that like "Barney Fife"?
Well, actually, it's..."The Pfeiff".
Oh, oh - I'm sorry. From now on, you can call me..."The Kev". (Smiles.)
But the changes weren't just about nicknames.
(Paul loosens his tie.)
Man, I got a ton of homework.
Ugh - me, too.
I have a three page report on *Evangeline* due by tomorrow.
I got forty five pages...on economic imperialism. Typed.
You win. (Nods.)
Oh, big prize.
And they didn't stop at academic differences, either.
(Cut to the Pfeiffer living room. Ida, Alvin and Debbie are admiring a TV).
There were other changes, too. Bigger changes.
Oh, Alvin! It's wonderful!
Twenty-five inches diagonal.
The Pfeiffer's had come into money.
(Alvin smiles at the boys.)
Isn't she a beaut?
I didn't know you guys were getting a new TV. (Gestures.)
Either did I.
Well, I saw it in the window. And you know me...I'm a spur-of-the-moment kinda guy...(Gestures.) I decided my family...deserves a little luxury.
In this case, "little" being an understatement.
Oh, well, you know...(shrugs)...Dad made this investment in some beachfront property.
(At Paul's school.)
Whatever was goin' on between my father and Mr. Pfeiffer...I wasn't gonna let it get to me...
So why does your dad need that stupid lawnmower anyway?
Of course Paul wanted to smooth things over, too.
What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Oh, come on - it's bigger than your whole yard!
No, it's not bigger than our whole yard.
So we discussed it in a calm and mature fashion.
Well, it's bigger than half your yard.
What is this? (Shrugs.) A math thing?
No, but...but how are you gonna turn it around? In your neighbors' yard? (Nods.)
Admittedly, this was getting off-track. What I really meant to say in a sensitive and caring manner was...
I mean, what's next? You gonna join some pansy country club? (Frowns.)
Well, actually...we already did.
Paul...this is brilliant. (Frowns.) First you go ahead and buy this...huge lawnmower, and then you're gonna join a stupid country club?
Hey, you're the one who's being stupid!
Yep - we were really workin' this thing out, here.
I don't have time for this. (Gestures.) I got things to do. (Frowns.)
Yeah, fine - so do I! (Frowns.)
(At the country club.)
How's it goin'?
And it seemed pretty clear, one of us had to break the ice, here.
So. You...want to...(shrugs)...do something?
So, when Paul offered the old olive branch...I jumped right on.
Like what? Play tennis? (Smirks.)
(Cut to the tennis court. Kevin winds up to serve.)
(On a PA): Service, Arnold.
(The ball goes over the far fence.)
I thought you said you played before. (Gestures.)
Of course I played before.
No, don't worry about me...(gestures)...I can serve.
After all, maybe I wasn't Mr. Country Club...But I could hold my own.
(Kevin serves into the net.)
Look - you want a few tips?
Tips? What did I look like - his personal waiter?
I got it. (Nods.)
Here - lemme serve. I've been taking lessons.
Fine. You want to serve? Serve.
Lessons. Tips. Tennis. Who'd this guy think he was, anyway? The great Gatsby?
(Kevin has a short fantasy of Paul as "Gatsby".)
In retrospect...it was the straw that broke this paupers back.
And in that instant, I only wanted one thing.
(Kevin hits the ball.)
To knock him flat on his ascot.
(The hits Paul on the forehead, knocking off his glasses. Paul holds his cheek and eye.)
Paul? (Frowns.) Paul?!
(Paul looks disgustedly at Kevin and walks away.)
(Cut to outsdie the restaurant. Ida looks at Paul.)
How's your head, honey?
(Paul holds an ice-pack on his cheek.)
Fine, Mom - I'm fine. (Frowns.)
(Paul gestures with the ice-pack, then glances at Kevin.)
(At Paul's house later that night.)
How's your head?
Hmmm. Seemed we were just plumb out of olive branches, here.
Look...(gestures)...it was a honest mistake! I mean, you hit the ball to me, and...I hit it back. (Gestures.) You didn't -
Will you forget about the darn ball?! I don't want to talk about the ball, OK?!
Tennis is a drag, anyway. (Frowns.)
(Paul angrily flings some grass blades.)
I hate this.
I wasn't sure if he meant me...or the grass-clippings, or...
He's a fine optometrist, ya know.
He's a leader in his field.
The thing is, I'd been so busy tearing down my own dad...I guess I'd forgotten Paul had one to tear down, too.
Sure. (Gestures.) Course. (Smiles.)
I mean, it's not like he's broke, or anything. He does OK...Right?
I wanted to tell 'em that he had nothing to fear. That any man who could produce a son like Paul...was a giant in my book.
You'll probably have to take the mower back. But other than that...(nods)...he's one of the greats.
You think so?
Even if his beach was under water.
Shove over. (Smiles.)
(Kevin sits next to Paul, who points at his bruise.)
You really knocked me.
At the end of that semester, Paul left his prep school, and came to McKinley with me. In a way I think he was happy about it. I know I was. As for the Arnold's and Pfeiffer's...we patched things up. After all, some things are more lasting than real estate. And Mr. Pfeiffer? Think of it this way - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Besides, you never knew when the tide might go out.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 82 - "Kodachrome")
I can't get my locker open.
New combinations. They changed 'em over the weekend. (Frowns.) Security problems...
Well, I have to get my books! (Frowns.)
(Paul looks over his shoulder at a man on a ladder behind them.)
Maybe you should talk to Linzer. (Points.)
(In gym with Randy and Paul. Paul slides down the rope.)
What a crock! I can't believe she's letting you bozos choose your own grades.
Why not? We're responsible students.
Oh, is that so? What are you gonna give yourselves?
Gee...lemme see...I, uh, think I'll give myself an "A". (Smiles.)
I knew it. It's madness!
OK - "A plus".
Apparently, opinion on this question was divided into two camps. The revolutionaries...and the slugs.
Come on, Paul. Admit it - you're jealous! (Gestures.)
No, I am not! I just don't think it's fair, that's all.
To who? (Frowns.)
I mean, what if every teacher did something like this?
He's right. It would affect the curve. (Nods.)
(Randy looks toward Kevin and points.)
You get a "B".
Still, it was clear this was one issue...that wasn't gonna just disappear.
They're not gonna let her get away with this, ya know.
Who's not? (Gestures.)
The school. The administration?
Come on, Paul, get off it - she knows what she's doing.
Oh, which is?
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 84 - "Of Mastodons and Men")
(Chuck, Ricky, Paul and Kevin walk up the hall.)
Listen you guys want to, uh...(demonstrates)...shoot some hoops after school?
Oh, yeah - count me in!
Hey, Kev? You playin'?
The tribe. That year we were inseparable. We'd faced all the challenges.
(Julie is in the distance.)
All but one, anyway. Women.
I thought you were gonna be playing ball with us this afternoon!
I just made these kinda...plans. (Gestures.)
What plans? (Gestures.)
Nothing. I was...just gonna go over...
(Chuck puts his hands behind his head and swivels his hips.)
Well, we were gonna play three-on-three!
OK! (Nods.) No problem. I'll be there.
Yeah - right!
And that's when I felt a cold chill.
She's really smothering you.
(In class, the guys watch a slideshow.)
Primitive man derived his power from the tribe. But occasionally, one of its members betrayed the rest. Soon, this lone hunter was set adrift from the pack. Cast asunder. Shunned, and ostracized.
So! We gonna play some football this afternoon?
Yeah, I'll be there.
Yeah - me too.
By the next day...one thing was clear.
Hey, guys - what time are you playing?
(Chuck looks toward the ceiling with mock surprise.)
Did you guys hear something?
In my tribe...my name was mud. Still, I had one skill...
(Cut to the hallway.)
Primitive man did not.
Come on, guys!
I could whine.
I wanna play!
Look, Kev? You bailed on us yesterday.
And you didn't even tell us.
Well, I got tied up. (Shrugs.) It was an emergency. (Gestures.)
It was Julie! (Nods.) Wasn't it?
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 85 - "Double Double Date")
(A girl walks down the hallway.)
One of the major international events of nineteen-seventy-two occurred in the hallways of my alma mater. It was of course the recent arrival of...
(A guy passes her and turns.)
Inga Finnstrom, McKinley High School's first Swedish exchange student.
(Cut to the library. Inga passes Paul, Kevin and Ricky sitting at a table.)
Can you believe we sent Marvin Grotsky to Venezuela and got her back?
It was the greatest trade in the history of the United States.
Man, if I didn't already have a date...I'd ask her to the spring formal. (Nods.)
(Kevin and Paul look at each other doubtfully.)
Hey, it was just a thought!
Who're you taking, anyway?
Ramona Storkman. (Smiles.)
(Paul smiles, then looks at Kevin and frowns.)
That's great, Ricky. (Smiles.)
Still, even Ramona Storkman was better than nothing.
You got a date yet, Kev?
Uh, no. No...not yet. I'm still - thinking about it.
(Kevin looks toward Inga.)
Her? You're dreamin'!
(At the refreshment table at the dance.)
And finally, it seemed we were actually gonna have a chance to be alone. Get acquainted. Just me, Inga...
(Paul approaches next to Inga, wearing a light-blue suit, with wide lapels.)
Hey, Kev, how's it going? (Smiles.)
And of course, Liberace.
Paul, this is Inga. (Gestures.) Inga, Paul.
(Paul smiles broadly.)
Nice to meet you, Paul.
Yeah, I've seen you around school. You know, I think we have a class next to each other. I'm in history in 306, and you're, what, in English -
(Kevin moves close to Paul.)
(Paul looks at Inga.)
Gotta go. (Smiles.)
(After Kevin and Winnie dance, they separate as they look at each other.)
I wasn't exactly sure what had just gone on out there on that dance floor. Whatever it was it was crazy. It was confusing. It was dangerous. And I really, really liked it.
(Paul approaches behind Kevin.)
Hey, Kev. You going up to the point afterwards?
I'm not sure yet.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not sure, either, I mean you have to kinda play it by ear, cuz you know...
I knew Paul was talking...his lips were moving and noise was coming out, but my mind was elsewhere.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 86 - "Hero")
(Kevin is talking about the basketball team to Jack.)
Don't you have a test coming up? (Frowns.)
Well, yeah, but I-I...
I don't think basketball stats are gonna be on it. (Frowns.)
All in all...made ya wonder if the man ever went to high school.
(Cut to outside a crowded diner. Paul, Kevin and Winnie are at table on the patio.)
Because out there...in the world of the young...things were hopping. And we were all caught up in it. To a man.
Well, gotta hit the books.
We got a test tomorrow, remember.
Paul - we just slaughtered Claremont. (Gestures.) We're supposed to be celebrating!
OK...I celebrated. Now I have to study. You should too.
Course the guy was right. Still...
(Winnie looks over her shoulder, then toward Kevin.)
Look! There's Bobby Riddle. (Smiles.) You know him, don't you? (Smiles.)
Hmmm. Let's see, here. I had a choice. I could go home and cram...or...
(Cut to the parking lot with Bobby and teammates.)
Thanks, man. (Smiles.)
Take it easy. (Exits.)
Right on. (Exits.)
(Kevin, Paul and Winnie approach.)
Hang around and be a bigshot at the burger place.
Hey, Bobby! Great game.
Oh, hey. What's up?
Oh, not much. Oh, this is Winnie...(gestures), and...
(Bobbie looks toward Paul.)
Oh - we've already met. (Smiles.)
What's up, Pat?
When you're hot you're hot. And when you're not, you're...Pat.
I really thought the team was great tonight. (Smiles.)
Yeah, well...we were lucky.
Yeah - this was great. Hanging out. Hobknobbing with the stars...
OK, it was nice seeing ya Bobby. We gotta go.
(Paul glances at Kevin and starts to move away.)
I told you. We have to study.
Jeez - did this kid have no sense of social graces?
Come on, Paul...(smiles)...don't be a jerk! We got plenty of time. (Frowns.)
Pfff. So we skip an hour of homework. What's the worst that could happen?
(At the basketball game. Kevin and Jack pause near the stands.)
Possibly the biggest night of my high school's life...and I was arriving with...
(Jack looks around.)
My own personal truant officer.
What'd you expect? (Frowns.)
(Paul is a few rows away.)
Hey! Kev! We got some seats over here. (Points.)
Oh, great. (Smiles.)
(Kevin gestures toward some other seats.)
Let's sit over here.
(During halftime at the snack bar, Paul and Chuck approach Kevin and Jack.)
Hey, Kev! (Smiles.)
Man, this is close.
I'm not that worried.
Did you see that lay-up Bobby made from behind the basket?!
The guy's amazing.
OK - we were all in agreement. To a man.
So, Mr. Arnold...What do you think?
I don't know...(Smiles.) I just hope Southwestern doesn't have Bobby's number.
What are you talkin' about? (Smiles.) The guys got like...nineteen points. (Frowns.)
That was before they double-teamed 'em. Looks like they'll keep two men on Bobby, and use the three-man zone to defend the rest of the team.
(Kevin, Paul and Chuck frown.)
And in the face of this sage piece of basketball wisdom...there was only one response.
I think we'd better get back to the seats. (Frowns.)
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(Ep 87 - "Lunch Stories")
(In the cafeteria, Paul approaches Chuck, Kevin, and Ricky at the table. He's wearing a blue jacket and white pants.)
(The guys look at him. Paul pauses.)
Nice tie. (Nods.)
What...your mom dress you again? (Smiles.)
Oh, very funny. Look, I-I got a debate tournament this afternoon...(shrugs)...I gotta look nice.
Now, of course, Paul was the brain of our group. So we treated him with the respect he deserved.
Well, sit down...before somebody sees you! (Laughs.)
Oh, remind me to laugh. (Frowns.)
Hey, are you gonna have those mashed potatoes?
Ricky, I just got here.
(Ricky is frantically writing a 1,000-word paper.)
OK. "An ancient Roman...lived in a Roman house...with a Roman wife and spoke Roman to a lot of Roman people." What do you think so far?
Don't change a word.
(Chuck looks toward Sheila in the distance.)
Have you noticed Sheila's skin? It's not like regular skin. It's like that thin paper that we use in typing class.
Sheila, Sheila - why don't you just go talk to her?
She's eating. (Frowns.)
It's a cafeteria, Chuck. (Frowns.)
Paul, you can't ask a girl out when she's eating! (Frowns.) It's like a landmine. What happens if she smiles, and she has all these particles of tuna on her teeth? She'd be humiliated. You can't recover from something like that.
Chuck, will ya stop acting like such a geek? (Frowns.)
Well, what do you mean?
If you want to ask her out...(gestures)...ask her out. (Frowns.)
And, from small ideas do great decisions grow.
You're right, Kevin.
(Chuck stands up. He smoothes his shirt inside his pants.)
So began that long march.
(A version of "The Addam's Family Theme" (?) plays.)
That test of fortitude and manhood.
(Chuck walks forward stiffly, then bends down.)
What's he doing?
He's tying his shoes. (Frowns.)
But he's got loafers on. (Frowns.)
(Chuck stands up.)
OK - here we go.
(Chuck walks forward, then pauses and smoothes the back of his shirt inside his pants.)
He's tucking in his shirt.
It's tucked, ya doofus!
(Chuck pauses, looks off, and waves.)
Who's he waving at?
(Chuck continues forward.)
OK - he's gonna do it now.
(Chuck turns around, with a worried look on his face and approaches the camera, twitching nervously.)
He's running away.
What's the matter with him?
He did better than I thought he would...(Gestures.)
What happened? (Gestures.)
You were right there!
My part was off.
You're so full of it. (Frowns.)
I'll ask her out later! (Frowns.)
Well, if she turns you down, you can always go out with the guy with the hair-net.
Shut up, Pfeiffer! (Frowns.)
Maybe you could take him to the prom.
But it was almost as if Paul's sarcasm had aroused the anger of the lunch gods.
(Paul smiles as he starts to take a bite. Most of the Sloppy Joe slides out of the bun and makes a "splat" sound. Paul drops his Sloppy Joe and stands up quickly. He has a 5-inch wide glob of Sloppy Joe sauce on his pants between the pocket and zipper.)
And they smote him down...with four ounces of ground beef...
(Paul sits down.)
And a can of tomato sauce.
It's not getting any better!
Paul, take it easy. (Frowns.)
"Easy"? How am I gonna debate this afternoon with Sloppy Joe on my pants?
(And still later.)
Kev - you gotta take me to the bathroom.
I can't let anyone see me like this.
Just - just - just walk in front of me.
(Cut to the rest room, as Kevin enters, closely followed by Paul walking in the same stride. Kevin looks around a divider.)
You can come out now, Paul. (Frowns.)
Is anybody in here? (Frowns.)
I mean, hey...I led the horse to water...
(Paul hurries to a sink and gets a paper towel from the dispenser.)
What he did now was up to him.
Kev - I think it spread.
Paul - stop worrying. You'll get it out. Besides...no one's even gonna see it.
(Spinoza, Donnelly,and Pemish enter.)
Hey...(points)...nice stain, Pfeiffer!
It's Sloppy Joe!
Yeah, right. So, Arnold? Made up your mind, yet?
The movie. (Frowns.) You know, "The Devil in Miss Jones".
Oh. Listen guys. I don't think I'm gonna go.
Know what your problem is Arnold? You think too much, you know that? So you miss a few classes - so what?
And faced with a logic like that...there was only one thing to say.
Kevin...you can't cut school! You can get into a lot of trouble that way. Or you could get suspended. What if someone finds out? What about your parents? Just think...how your mother will feel...if she found out you went to a dirty movie.
And standing there, listening to a guy with chopped meat on his pants...preach the ten commandments of geekdom...the decision seemed pretty clear.
Good luck on the debate, Paul. Let's go, guys.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 88 - "Carnal Knowledge")
(In the cafeteria, Kevin, Chuck and Ricky want to see the R-rated movie "Carnal Knowledge".)
So, when do we go? (Smiles.)
How about Friday night? (Nods.)
Count me in!
(Paul sits next to Kevin.)
After all, it was a major cinematic event.
(Paul looks at the newspaper ad.)
Something no red-blooded male could turn down.
Forget it - you can't see this.
You heard me. Says right here - ya gotta be seventeen.
That was Paul for ya. Grandma in size twelve desert boots.
So? We've all got fake ID's, right? (Smiles.)
Besides, Paul...I think you're missin' the point.
Yeah - lemme lay this out for you. In this movie...they...do...everything.
Like what? (Frowns.)
Now, keep in mind...this was nineteen-seventy-two.
Lust and ignorance went hand-in-hand.
Well, if you don't know, we're not gonna tell you.
Look. Paul, we're goin'. So, you coming with us or not?
Well, I'd like to.
There. Done deal.
But, I...can't. I'm having dinner. With my family. (Gestures.)
(Cut to on the road in Kevin's car.)
I don't believe this. Dinner with your family?
I'd known Paul a long time. I'd seen him do a lot of unexplainable things. But this...
Kev, I told you - it was unavoidable. (Gestures.) My mom's old college roommate's staying in town. I mean, she and her family -
So, tell 'em you're sick. (Gestures.)
Oh, right. Look...this roommate's got a daughter who's a freshman in college. And she's studying marine biology.
Well...(shrugs)...I'm interested in marine biology, so I thought this would be -
Wait. Paul - lemme get this straight. You're giving up a perfectly good Friday night...to talk about fish?
There. I had him on the ropes. All I needed now was a sucker-punch.
Come on. Come with us. For me.
OK...maybe I can make the nine o'clock show.
I'll pick ya up at eight-thirty.
And with that, we were on our way. The plan was set.
(Later, Kevin arrives a Paul's house. Alvin lets him in.)
Paul. Keverooski's here.
(Paul is setting the table, and looks over his shoulder at Kevin.)
Paul. (Gestures.) You ready? (Frowns.)
Well, actually...we...haven't had dinner yet.
Say, Kev - why don't you join us? Ida bastes a mean turkey. (Smiles.)
(Kevin looks from Alvin to Paul and raises his eyebrows slightly.)
I have plans.
(Ida calls from the kitchen.)
Woops - the chef called.
(Alvin exits to the kitchen.)
I couldn't believe it.
What are you doing? (Frowns.) I was counting on you.
Look, Kev, I'm sorry. But we kinda got delayed, you know...talking.
Oh, yeah? Talking about what? Marine biology? Sea life? Squids? (Gestures.)
(A young woman exits from the kitchen, puts two candles on the table, and looks at Paul.)
Talk about your basic bad timing.
Uh, Kev...this is my mom's college roommate's daughter.
(She holds her hand out.)
(Kevin smiles tightly and nods as they shake hands.)
It's nice to meet you - Paul's told me a lot about you.
He says you're off to see a movie tonight.
Yeah. But...(smiles)...I'm not too sure about which one we're gonna go see, yet. (Smiles.) I mean, maybe "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", or, you know...
I hear Jack Nicholson is very good in it.
Great. First I'm stood up, now I'm made a laughing-stock in front of a total stranger.
(Beth exits to the kitchen.)
So, Paul - what's it gonna be? (Gestures.) Are you coming or not?
Kev - I can't. (Shrugs.)
OK, then. Fine. (Nods.) Stay.
(Kevin frowns and walks toward the front door.)
So much for doing everything together.
(Kevin pauses and turns quickly.)
But I'll tell ya this...(Gestures.) You miss tonight...you'll be missing out.
(Kevin, Ricky and Chuck get kicked out after sneaking in to the movie. Now, Kevin's watching the end of a late-night John Wayne film festival on TV. Jack has fallen asleep on the couch.)
And there ya had it. The perfect end to a perfect evening.
(Kevin turns off the TV and walks toward the kitchen.)
All I knew was I was miffed. At Ricky and Chuck...at fake ID's and R-ratings...
(Sound of knocking at the window. Paul appears at the window.)
Not to mention the neighborhood turn-coat.
(Kevin frowns, then opens the kitchen door.)
Paul - what are you doing here? (Gestures.)
Well, I saw the light on. Could we talk for a second?
What about - marine biology? (Frowns.)
(Paul looks off.)
Well...what is it?
Well...it's kinda hard to say.
Keep in mind...the night I'd had.
(Kevin sighs and looks off.)
I'd been ditched, dumped, and thrown out on my ear. I was in no mood for beating around the bush.
Look, Paul - it's late. (Frowns.) So unless this is really, really important...
It's about Beth. You know at...at my house.
What about her?
Well...we were having dinner together -
I know that, Paul. (Nods.)
(Paul puffs out his cheeks.)
One thing led to another...
Wait. Lemme guess. After the turkey...you snuck into the kitchen, and made mad passionate love to each other. (Smiles.) Right? Right?
OK - it was mean. I couldn't help myself.
(Paul looks blankly at Kevin, then looks off and frowns slightly.)
I just wasn't prepared for what Paul said back.
Well...see, that's the thing...it wasn't the kitchen.
And with that...suddenly, everything changed.
(Fade to Paul seated at the table as Kevin paces.)
I can't believe this!
Neither can I.
Paul - if you're lying to me...
Kev, I'm not lying. It happened.
I think so.
It was incredible. Paul Pfeiffer had come to me in the middle of the night with the biggest news of our lives. Well, his anyway.
So...how did it happen?
(Kevin slides a chair out and sits down.)
And, like all best friends...I needed the low-down.
(Jack enters and pauses in the doorway.)
Paul? What are you doin' here at this hour?
Uh...nothing. I was...just visiting.
Oh...well don't stay up too late.
(Jack turns away.)
And, back to the main event.
So? Where were we? (Smiles.)
I don't know...
No, I mean, I don't know. Besides, it was...(frowns)...dark, and...(frowns)...confusing.
And that's it?
That's it. (Shrugs.) Then she and her family went back to their motel.
Jeez - talk about leaving out one or two minor details.
What do you mean, "that's it"? (Frowns.)
Not to pry, or anything.
That's all you're gonna tell me?
What do ya mean? (Frowns.) I just told ya everything...
OK. Fine. You don't want to tell me...(gestures)...I understand.
Even though I didn't. At all. Period.
I mean there's no point in talking about it anymore, right? (Gestures.)
Right. So...maybe I should go.
I mean if the guy wanted to be that way...
(Paul stands up and walks toward the door.)
Let him. What did I care? Just because we'd always gone through everything together before...
(Paul pauses at he door.)
No reason why things shouldn't change now. Nope. The best thing to do was just forget about it.
(Cut to the lockers.)
I forgot about it...all night.
(Paul approaches his locker and stands next to Kevin.)
Look, Paul...about last night...I know you came over to talk to me because...I'm your friend. So, if you need to talk about it...I just want you to know that I'm here for you.
(Paul looks down.)
Thanks. But I don't think I want to talk about it anymore.
Oh, come on. I know you want to talk about it. (Smiles.)
No. Kev, really...
Of course you do, Paul! I mean, hey - I'd talk about it with you.
Yeah, well, it didn't happen to you.
(Paul closes his locker and walks past Kevin, who pauses.)
It was kinda like being socked in the face.
Wait a minute.
(Kevin hurries after Paul.)
What's that supposed to mean? (Gestures.)
I mean, excuse me.
(Paul sighs and slows up. Kevin turns in front of him.)
Maybe you should tell me what subjects we can talk about. Would it be sports? Marine biology? I mean, you come to my house in the middle of the night...you wake me up to brag about -
I did not. (Frowns.)
You did too. (Frowns.)
Did not!. (Frowns.)
You did too. (Frowns.)
Look...just don't tell anybody about this, OK?
Me? Hey - don't worry about it - my lips are sealed.
(Later in the cafeteria with Ricky and Chuck.)
Look. Has it even occured to you...(frowns)...that people here - people our age...are doing exactly the things that the people in the movies are just pretending to do?
(Ricky looks off and frowns as Chuck chews and twitches.)
OK - so it didn't make real sense. I knew what I meant. Unfortunately...
What "people"? (Smiles.)
(Chuck sucks up some spaghetti, and pauses in thought.)
It was amazing. These two dolts, who couldn't grapple with the concept of grilled cheese...had suddenly turned into geniuses.
Hey, Kevin - tell us his initials.
Forget it! (Frowns.)
If we guess...(gestures)...will ya tell us if we're right?
Come on, Kev - we'd tell you...
I told ya - it's no one, OK?
And that's when it happened.
(Kevin looks toward Ricky and Chuck, who look at Paul. Paul looks up from his tray.)
Now, of course, to an impartial jury I may have been innocent...
It's him! I don't believe it! (Points.) It's Pfeiffer! Pfeiffer you dog! (Smiles.)
Way to go, Pfeiff! Who's the lucky girl?
(Paul looks slowly toward Kevin, who looks off.)
Still...deep down, I knew...
Paul, I didn't...
Thanks a lot, Kev.
I was guilty as hell.
(Later, Kevin stops by Paul's house. Ida lets him in. Paul is lying on the couch looking up, covering a book on his chest.)
Paul! Kevin's here to see you. (Smiles.)
Well, one thing was obvious...
(Ida walks off toward the kitchen.)
This wasn't gonna be easy.
What are ya doin'?
(Paul sits up.)
Nothin'. It's Beth's. She left it here.
(Paul sets the book on the couch.)
Yeah - about that. Paul...I'm sorry about what happened. You know, with me, and...with the guys. I just don't know what got into me. I mean...I guess I should be happy for you. (Frowns.) But, instead...I just feel lousy. And I don't know why. (Frowns.) Anyway...congratulations. And, uh...(shrugs)...I think it's great. (Smiles.)
In a way, it was kind of a good bye. The end of an era. After all, the guy didn't need me anymore. So there was nothing left to say, but...
No - not that. Me. I just don't know how to handle this whole thing.
What are you talking about?
I mean, what am I supposed to feel? Did she like me? Or not? Was I OK? Or was she laughing at me? Or...
It was the first time I ever realized how truly perilous love could be.
It just happened so fast. And then...she was gone, and...I was left, and now she's getting on an airplane and...I'm never gonna see her again.
And I guess at that moment it was clear. Some things never change.
I'm just not good at these casual relationships, Kev.
After all...Paul was Paul. And no matter what...
(Cut to the airport as Kevin pulls up in front of the terminal.)
(Paul hurries out of the car as it stops.)
(Kevin gets out and looks after Paul.)
Growing up is complicated.
(Kevin follows Paul into the terminal. Paul makes his way past other people.)
Kind of a race against time. A search for identity.
(Paul hops over a suitcase and looks at the flight schedule.)
For love. And the outcome's always in doubt.
(Paul frowns, looks off, looks at the board again, then hurries off toward the boarding gate.)
Things happen fast.
(Paul approaches it the chain-link fence and puts his hands up.)
Sometimes too fast.
(Kevin follows Paul outside.)
But that night, with Paul...I knew one thing.
(Kevin taps Paul on the elbow, then stands next to him.)
We'd been through everything together.
(They look at an airplane taxing away.)
I think I saw her.
And she probably saw you.
And from here on out...no matter what...we were gonna need each other...more than ever.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 89 - "The Lost Weekend")
(In the cafeteria.)
After all, certain rules had been set...and nothing could be said to make me break them.
Look, guys...if Kevin's parents said not to have anyone in the house, then he shouldn't have anyone in the house. Period.
(Playing poker with Ricky, Randy and Chuck.)
I fold. (Frowns.)
After all that, you fold?
I wasn't sure.
I don't believe this...
(Paul tosses some chips in the pot.)
I'll see ya.
(Randy tosses some chips in the pot, and knocks a glass with his hand.)
Randy! (Frowns.) Watch it will ya? This is my dad's good card-table!
Yes, Mrs. Arnold!
You'll never be able to see it once it dries...
Man, this is the worst party I've ever been to...
You said it.
The thing was...they were right. We had hit rock-bottom.
Look - this was your idea in the first place!
(Paul raises his eye-brows and looks from Randy to Kevin.)
If you guys know so much about havin' a great time...well, what are ya gonna do about it?
We could invite some girls...(Smiles.)
OK - possibly a mistake, here.
Are you kidding? (Frowns.) It's seven-thirty on a Saturday night! (Shrugs.) How are we gonna get girls?
(Cut to the kitchen. Chuck is on the phone.)
Uh-huh.......Well, I know it's late, but...(gestures)...well, it's gonna be a lot of fun!........Um, his parents are out of town.
The first rule of sophomore boys. If it's female - call it. If it answers - invite it.
My modest get-together was turning into...a happening.
(Kevin opens the front door. A pretty girl smiles at him.)
There were people I was glad to see...
(Cut to Kevin opening the door again. It is two guys in school jackets.)
Those I was surprised to see...
(Cut to Kevin opening the door again. Two more guys, and more in the distance.)
And those I'd never seen before in my life. Still, I kept telling myself, things were under control.
(In the smoky living room, Chuck holds a plate of sandwiches. A second guy smoking a cigarette takes all of them.)
Even though they weren't.
(Paul approaches Kevin.)
Kev - great party! (Smiles.)
What are you talking about?! This is a disaster!
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 92 - "Back To the Lake")
(At breakfast with Jack and Wayne.)
What are you going to do for a summer job?
(Jack swats a folded newspaper down onto the table, then slides it toward Kevin.)
Oh, God. Here they came. Those two words which meant death to summer fun.
(Wayne leans over and pats Kevin's shoulder.)
(Cut to the basketball court.)
"- start looking." Can you believe that?
Naturally, I took my case to a higher court.
I mean here it is, two days into summer, and he wants me to get a job. It's not fair.
I mean what does he think I am, some kind of machine?
Well, you do have a good point.
Of course I do.
Yep, I was building an airtight defense, here.
Besides, it's only June, right. There's plenty of time to look for a job, right?
I mean we just finished finals. We deserve a little relaxation.
And there it was. A manifesto worthy of the Bill of Rights.
(Paul makes the final basket.)
Want to play again tomorrow?
I can't tomorrow. I'm working. I got a job.
(Cut to Kevin's bedroom.)
Paul, this is totally unacceptable.
The rotten, no-good traitor.
Look, Kev. I didn't have a choice. My father knows the owner of this restaurant, Mr. Chong.
Wait. You're working at a Chinese restaurant. What are you going to be doing, chopping onions?
Well actually I'll be functioning as Assistant Manager. (Frowns.)
(Kevin shakes his head in amazement.)
You know organizing the kitchen, supervising the busboys.
Well that's great. I don't believe this!
Come on. We're going to be working for the rest of our lives...(nods)...and this could be our last great summer together, right?
There. What could he possible say to that?
If you want, maybe I can get you a job with me at Mr. Chong's!
(Sighs): Thanks, but no thanks, Paul.
No, really, it's fine. (Frowns.)
After all, if Paul wanted to squander his youth, what did I care?
(Kevin is dialing the phone.)
I was a man at the end of his rope. It came down to this - I could spend my summer hauling sheets, or take the softest, cushiest way out I could find.
Hey, Paul?...Yeah. Listen. Is that job still open?
After all, how bad could it possible be?
(Cut to the kitchen at Chong's Chinese Restaurant. Mr. Chong is marching around, giving gruff orders to employees. Kevin is chopping onions.)
(Paul pops halfway though the double-doors. He is wearing a tie and nametag.)
Kev? How's it going?
How's it look like it's going?
Is something wrong?
I thought you told me I'd be doing what you're doing.
Not exactly. I said I'll see what I can do on such a short notice.
Well, thanks for nothing.
(Mr. Chong comes up behind Kevin, and starts questioning him and yelling in Chinese.)
$%^&)$*&. ^&^&&&* %$%^!
(He looks at the onions.)
(Kevin looks confused.)
(Mr. Chong walks away, exasperated.)
What did he say?
I think he said those onions should be chopped a little finer.
Great. Just great.
Look, Kev...don't get discouraged. Tell you what - in a few days, I'll see if you can get moved up to noodles.
(Mr. Chong approaches and points at Paul.)
(Paul scurries off.)
%^#$&&** . %&&^%%$%@!!!
(Paul turns in the doorway.)
(Kevin and Paul are in Kevin's car, going to work.)
So, I've been examining the layout to the kitchen...pretty inefficient. I mean, now just try this on for size, OK? What if we take all those jars and put them on the high shelves, then take the cans and put them in the cabinets to the back. That way the busboys won't be knocking into the sauce jars...
There are times in a young life when you have to do something for yourself. When you have to stand up for what you believe in. When the world has closed the door on adventure. And your only choice...
(Kevin makes an illegal U-turn across the highway median.)
Is to bust out.
Kevin, what are you doing?
We're calling in sick today.
You heard me.
But we can't do that. Wait a minute. Where are we headed?
North. To the lake.
(Fade to a rural road.)
It took about three hours to travel the distance from drudgery to paradise. From hard labor, to summer memories.
(Kevin stops on a small bridge and walks to the rail.)
Sure, it was irresponsible. But deep down, I knew it was the smartest thing I'd ever done.
This is the dumbest thing you've ever done! Do you realize no one in the world has any idea where we are?
So? It's part of the adventure. (Gestures.)
I don't want an adventure! I'm an Assistant Manager. I want to go home.
Face it, the guy had all the daring-do of a newt!
Look, we came all this way so you might as well enjoy it. Besides, we're not leaving until we find her.
And how are we going to do that?
Don't worry. I know where to find her.
Yeah, and where's that?
Easy. The drive-in.
(Cut to Kevin's car parked in the middle of the empty drive-in.)
Well, at least we got good seats! (Frowns.)
So we got here a little early. Have a little faith will you. She'll show up.
I dunno...when it gets dark.
Yep! Nothing to do but sit back and wait for destiny to take its course.
(A large bulldozer stops in front of them.)
Destiny...or one 6-ton bulldozer.
(The dozer driver frowns at them.)
(Yelling over engine): Hey, what do you guys think you're doing here?!
(Yelling.): We're waiting for someone!
Well, wait somewheres else! (Gestures.) I'm tearing this old place down! Now, get out of here!
Got any more great ideas?
(Kevin drives off across the humps.)
Well, one or two, anyway. OK...none.
(Cut to Paul in a phone booth outside a country store.)
Hi, Mr. Chong? Hi, it's Paul.......Yessir, I know I'm late, sir.
Three hours later, we called home.
(Kevin walks to a bench and sits down.)
Yessir! No, sir. It wasn't deliberate.
It was horrible.
Yessir, I still want to work for you.
After half a day of scouring the territory, we reached a dead-end. Not a sign of her anywhere. My plan to bust out had turned out to be a bust. And now, there was nothing to look forward to, but...
(Cara walks out of the store and stops at the top of the steps, puffing a cigarette. Kevin catches her out of the corner of his eye and turns to look at her.)
(Cara drops her cigarette and goes inside.)
Yessir, we're on our way home now.
(Kevin starts to go up the steps.)
Kevin! Where are you going?
(Paul leans out of the phone booth.)
(Later that night. After Cara leaves Kevin, Kevin returns to the car, where Paul is looking at a map.)
(Kevin sighs forcefully.)
Kev? What happened?
But the problem was, I hardly knew myself.
None of your business.
Oh fine, that's just fine!
I'm going to sleep.
What...here! Kev, we are not, repeat are not, going...
Paul, will you just get off my case?! Look, it's late, and I don't feel like driving home tonight, alright!
Suit yourself. Goodnight! (Frowns.)
(He starts pulling his jacket off to use as a blanket.)
Course that night I didn't sleep. I lay there, feeling bad about what I'd done. Running off, full of summer madness. Using Cara. Leaving Winnie. I felt like a stupid selfish adolescent, which...
(Fade to morning at the country store, as Kevin's car pulls in to the gas pumps.)
I guess I was.
(Paul is studying the map.)
OK. We follow this road into town. Then we can take a short cut to Barton's Crossing.
Then it's a straight shot down I-91...
(Kevin gets out of the car.)
So make sure to get plenty of gas!
Whatever you say, Paul.
(Kevin and Cara say goodbye at the gas-station, then Kevin walks back to the car.)
As for me, I had my own roads to travel.
Wait a minute. What about the gas?
Well...we got enough.
Paul, come on - we don't have time! We gotta get back.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 93 - "Broken Hearts and Burgers")
(Winnie is sitting apart from Kevin at a restaurant after getting jealous. Kevin is joined by Randy, Chuck, Paul and Ricky.)
Adolescence. The age of maturity, confidence, boundless self-assurance. And let's not forget...unutterable misery. Fortunately, in times of crisis, every teenager has a secret weapon. His friends.
So, uh...what happened?
Winnie! What did you do? (Nods.)
That's just it. I didn't really do anything. (Shrugs.) I just ordered some food.
(They look at the girl behind the counter. She smiles at Kevin, slightly embarrassed.)
Man, you blew it!
Hey, come on. Take it easy on the guy. I mean, his best girl just walked out on him.
Yeah, that's right. (Nods.)
Yeah, that's the thing about friends. They're always there. With sympathy...support.
So...she's probably not going to eat that hamburger, right? (Smiles.)
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 94 - "Homecoming")
(In the school quad, Kevin approaches Paul who is supervising hanging a banner.)
What's this about?
(Paul turns around.)
Are you kidding? The homecoming game against the Owls this weekend. It's only the biggest event of the whole year...
(Kevin raises his eye-brows and nods. Paul looks at the banner.)
Paul Pfeiffer. Class president...civic booster...
Up a little bit on the left.
Naturally, I was proud of him.
(Kevin frowns and nods.)
Come on, Paul - loosen up. I mean, it's just a game. What's the big deal? (Smiles.)
(Paul turns around.)
"What's the big deal?" (Nods.) I'll tell ya what the big deal is...it's those stupid Owls. They stole our knight! (Frowns.)
(Flashback scene of the knight mascot being kidnapped, then return to present.)
So, they stole our knight. So what? Can't we just get another one?
(Jeff approaches behind them.)
Hey, what's this all about?
I'm assuming you'll be there? (Nods.)
Ah, I don't know - I might have to spend the weekend with my dad.
That was Jeff Billings, the new guy in school.
(Jeff points toward the banner.)
Believe it or not, he was the first kid I ever knew whose parents were divorced.
Maybe you could bring your dad to the game.
Nah...(frowns)..then my mom will get all upset and I'll have to spend the rest of the week eating cold meatloaf.
Well, that sounds pretty dumb.
Oh, great, yeah. That's easy for you to say. I mean, your parents are still having sex together.
They are not!
(In the school hallway, the school mascot walks past the guys dejectedly.)
That's pathetic. Look at that. (Frowns.)
They gave him back.
Well, that's good, right?
No, they kept his armor, man.
Oh, fine. Be that way! I'm just saying someone ought to do something about it.
(In the diner, Paul approaches Kevin and Jeff the day after they failed to steal the Central high owl.)
And of course, I guess it was only fair. After all, in life...some guys get the glory...
Hey, Kev...heard you guys blew it big-time last night.
(Paul takes one of Jeff's fries, and walks away.)
While some guys end up with nothing but...a kick in the pants.
(Kevin and Winnie approach Paul in the stands at the homecoming game.)
(Paul points at his watch.)
Yeah, well...we had to park kinda far away.
The baseball field.
At least you're here...and it's gonna be a great game. Except for half-time...
(He looks off and waves his hand.)
When they fly that stupid owl around the stadium.
Oh. (Smiles.) Right. (Shrugs.) Sorry. (Laughs.)
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 98 - "Politics As Usual")
(In the gym, Paul is moderating a debate between US presidential supporters.)
Thank you, Mr. Leegee. And now...with an opposing viewpoint...(gestures)...the McKinley student council is pleased to welcome...Mr. Michael Detweiler, head of the Tri-counties Citizens for McGovern office. Mr. Detweiler...(Gestures.)
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 102 - "The Test")
(In Mr. Glavin's English class.)
Alright, next word. "Pyrotechnic". Mr. Pfeiffer.
(Paul looks up, concerned.)
Would you like to take a crack at this one?
Like some kind of biblical curse...the SAT's had descended on our class...reducing even the most-intelligent among us to a state of...flop-sweats.
(In the cafeteria with Chuck and Jeff.)
It was clear each of us was dealing with this in our own way. For me...
Come on...(frowns)...what are you both so worried about? (Gestures.)
It was denial.
I mean, it's just a stupid aptitude test, right?
(Chuck glances at Paul.)
Maybe he's right.
Course I'm right.
Are you nuts? This test could determine our entire future.
What's that supposed to mean? (Frowns.)
Well, it means...you have to score fourteen-hundred this year, to even be considered by the Ivy Leagues. And what college you go to...determines what grad school you go to...which determines what kind of job you get...and what contacts you're gonna make...and-and who your friends are gonna be...and what type of house you're gonna live in...and what the rest of your life could be like.
(Paul sits down as Jeff looks at him.)
Are you sure you didn't leave anything else out, Paul?
Yeah, you got some pudding on your pants.
(Later in the restroom with Jeff, Randy and Chuck.)
You know, I heard that there's a pattern - if you break the code, you can figure out the answers.
Yeah. I heard they have this card they put over the answers, so if you fill in all the circles you get a perfect score.
No, I heard that if you use the serial number from **** and divide it by your birthday...
It was crazy - the last minute ravings of desperate men.
That's ridiculous - how're they gonna know your birthday?
Hey...(gestures)...they know everything! And then you take the question number and you add it, and you multiply the whole thing -
I can't believe you guys are wasting your time on these stupid rumors! I mean, don't you have something better to do? (Shrugs.) You should be studying.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 103 - "Let Nothing You Dismay")
(In the cafeteria with Jeff, Kevin is thinking about buying a cashmere sweater for Winnie.)
Come on, you gotta be joking! I mean a hundred bucks?! For a sweater?!
Well, it-it's cashmere.
The fabric of royalty.
So? (Frowns.) Ninety-nine bucks is too much to spend for any woman.
What am I supposed to do? (Gestures.) I think she's gonna buy me something really expensive. (Frowns.)
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 104 - "New Year")
(The guys are playing football.)
In the first ten days of Christmas recess...I'd participated in thirteen semi-organized...semi-suicidal touch football games.
(Kevin gets tackled, and everyone piles on. Chuck starts to unpile.)
Jeez. This ground is rock-solid.
(Jeff sits up and holds his knee.)
I think I broke somethin'.
What are we doing here?
Of course, the reason was obvious.
Gotcha outta the house, didn't it?
He's right. Come on, guys...(claps)...let's huddle up.
At sixteen, we were men on the run, fleeing house, home, and parents. Afraid of nothing. Except, maybe...
What are you guys doin' for New Year's eve?
Uh. Serving drinks at my parents' party. You?
My uncle's showing home-movies. (Frowns.)
New Year's eve. The nightmare of family togetherness.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 105 - "Alice In Autoland")
(Alice and Chuck are arguing at a party. Alice closes her eyes.)
What color are my eyes?
In the three months they'd been dating...they'd broken up twenty-seven times. A class record.
Uh...gray! Green! Uh...gray-green!
(Alice opens her eyes. Chuck points.)
That's right, Chuck!
(Alice hurries off.)
Make that twenty-eight times.
(Jeff and Paul spin around in their chairs and look at Chuck. Paul sips some punch.)
You think we should do something?
I mean, look at the guy! Looks like he needs us, man.
(Paul shakes his head.)
And in situations like these, there was one cardinal rule.
We just can't leave him standing there, can we?
(Paul and Jeff turn their chairs around to face away.)
Never, never, get in the middle of someone else's relationship.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 106 - "Ladies and Gentlemen...The Rolling Stones")
(In the cafeteria with Chuck.)
I'm tellin' ya...Friday night, the Stones are gonna be at a place called "Joe's", out on Highway 9!
By junior year, I'd been down the old rumor-trail one too many times.
There's no way...
(Kevin nudges Paul.)
Paul? (Gestures.) Tell 'em.
It's a zillion-to-one. It's not gonna happen!
I rest my case. (Gestures.)
(In Jack's car, Chuck spills some Raisinets as he pours them into Winnie's hands.)
Oh, man - nice move. (Frowns.)
(Jeff is in the back seat.)
Hey, come on, Kevin - lighten up, man. (Smiles.)
Yeah - it's not like it's your car anyway. (Smiles.)
Great. I was growing concerned for my father's car...and my friends...
(Jeff puts his feet up on the back of the front seat.)
Were turning it into a cheap motel.
Where is this place, anyway?
Just outside of Hinckley.
Hinckley? Wh- that's an hour away! There's no way I'm drivin' to Hinckley! (Frowns.)
Well, what did you expect, Kev? The Rolling Stones are gonna come to your door?
No, Paul - I didn't expect them to come at all! (Points.) Remember?
(The Rolling Stones are not at "Joe's".)
And, faced with the first disappointment of the evening...we did what red-blooded teenagers did best.
You mean we drove over an hour...and there's...(gestures)...no Rolling Stones?
We turned on each other.
Well don't look at me - it's not my fault. (Frowns.)
(Jeff looks past Kevin toward Winnie.)
And then we passed the buck.
What? It's not mine, either! (Frowns.)
(Winnie looks toward Paul.)
(Paul raises his eyebrows in surprise.)
We pointed fingers.
(He frowns heavily and looks at Chuck.)
No way! It was Chuck!
(The guys arrive at "Woody's", which has a large crowd outside.)
And we'd found it. It was amazing - our very own...
This is it!
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 111 - "Poker")
Alright - I call. Pair of queens. (Gestures.) So let's see 'em.
(Randy tosses his cards onto the table.)
(Chuck lays his cards down.)
Nothin' but ace-high.
Two pair. Nines and fours. (Smiles.)
The bi-monthly, Friday-night, high-stakes poker game.
Junior year...it was ritual.
(Jeff wins the hand, and Chuck deals the next one.)
Paul, your bet.
(Paul looks at his cards and frowns slightly.)
There was the cautious...
I dont' know - lemme think for a sec.
Paul? (Nods.) While we're still young? (Gestures.)
And, the impatient.
OK. Three cents.
And of course...
(Jeff looks forward and makes a face.)
The supremely confident.
A quarter? That's kinda steep, isn't it? (Smiles.)
And despite our different styles...we maintained the easy give-and-take of friendship that I knew would endure well into the future.
(Fade to fantasy. The image of Kevin is replaced by that of an old man. Some tuba music plays thoughout.)
Don't put the glass right on the table. (Gestures.) My father'll kill me if he sees a stain.
(Randy and Paul's images are replaced by those of old men.)
I'm fairly certain these old chairs of yours are aggravating my prostate.
This hand's an all-time beaut. You should frame it.
OK, then...who needs cards?
Uh, give me two. Uh, uh, no wait, um...better make that three.
None? (Gestures.) You sure?
Well, then...guess I'm the lucky winner.
(The guys are in the kitchen.)
I got chips...
The eight-o'clock snack break. A chance to mix simple pleasantries with complex carbohydrates and starch.
I can't believe it. Do you guys have any idea what you are putting into your bodies?
(Paul bends down and looks in the refrigerator.)
What do you mean - this isn't healthy?
(Jeff holds up a Twinkie(?))
I'd hate to see your digestive tract in ten years.
Tell ya what - you don't ask, and I won't offer, alright?
Kev, don't you have any fruit in this house?
Yeah, it's on the bottom.
No, all I see here is an apple pie.
Right. (Gestures.) Apple's a fruit. (Smiles.)
Forget it. I got an orange in my car.
(Paul turns toward the living room.)
Least I plan ahead. (Exits.)
(The guys tell Kevin they don't want to invite Paul to the planned ski trip. Jeff looks past Kevin, covers his mouth and coughs as Paul returns.)
So, what did I miss?
(Paul slows up and tosses his orange from one hand to the other.)
Now, Paul Pfeiffer has been my best friend for seventeen years. I'd always told him everything.
Nothing. Really. No, we were just, uh...talking.
Well, come on guys. Let's get back to the game.
(Chuck leads Randy and Jeff past Paul and pats him on the shoulder.)
After all, Paul was just being himself.
(Paul looks at Kevin and holds up his orange.)
Want an orange?
No, thanks. Come on.
As opposed, to say...
(Cut to the game as Chuck puts a coin in the pot.)
Some of the rest of us.
Chuck, the bet is a quarter. You threw in a nickel.
By eight-thirty, Chuck Coleman's natural ebullience was fading fast.
So, Chuck - what's wrong with you? (Frowns.)
Nothin'! (Gestures.) I just...have some stuff on my mind.
What kind of stuff?
Uh, you know...eh...(gestures)...me and Alice. (Frowns.)
What - are you guys fighting again?
No, it's nothing like that. (Frowns.)
Well, if you're not fighting, what are you two doing?
(Chuck looks off, then frowns and looks down. Music "Piano Concerto No. 1" - Tchaikovsky starts. Kevin pauses and looks up.)
There are moments in life that alter history, and change the course of human events.
This was one of them.
(Chuck looks off, and smiles and nods slightly.)
Way to go, Coleman.
It was a stirring revelation which merited only one response.
You know, I hope you used some kind of protection. (Frowns.)
(Kevin and Chuck smile, then frown as the music grinds down slowly.)
I said, I hope you used protection. (Nods.)
Course I did, Pfeiffer. I mean, what kind of stooge do you take me for?
Ask an idiotic question...
Look - are we gonna play cards or not?
No, I'm out.
Yeah, me too.
Speaking of idiotic.
(Paul looks at the cigar in Jeff's mouth.)
Oh, you're not gonna smoke that thing, are you? Do you have any idea what it's gonna do to your lungs? Not to mention my sweater? (Gestures.) I don't believe it - he's actually lighting it.
(Jeff blows smoke toward Paul, who fans the smoke.)
Paul, come on...(frowns)...it's only a cigar. (Gestures.)
Look I have some air-freshener in my car - I'll be right back. (Exits.)
(Jeff shakes his head slightly, and gestures with both arms.)
I guess you could say Paul's consistency...was getting a little too consistent.
(Chuck puts his head down and rubs his neck.)
And so maybe it was time to have a little talk with old Paul.
I'll be back in a minute. (Exits.)
(Cut to the front yard as Kevin follows Paul across the lawn.)
To clue him in to public opinion. Delicately. Diplomatically.
Paul, you're being a real pain.
What? What's that supposed to mean?
Well...ya just gotta lighten up a little.
Lighten up about what?
(Paul reaches for the door handle of his car, and Kevin pulls his arm back.)
Well, for starters, you can forget about the air-freshener.
Do you know how much it smells in there?
Paul, who cares? It's just the guys...and we're playin' poker. I mean, don't make such a big deal out of it, OK? OK?
(Cut to the game. Paul sprays air-freshener toward Jeff.)
(Jeff fans the air and blows smoke toward Paul.)
(Later in the scene, Chuck nearly starts crying.)
I think Alice is pregnant.
(Jeff leans forward and holds his cigar toward Chuck.)
Have a cigar.
(Chuck frowns and swats Jeff's hand.)
I knew it. I knew it. (Frowns.)
Shut up, Paul!
I was just tryin' to help. (Gestures.)
Yeah, well, don't.
It's been said sobering news travels in bunches. And after ninety minutes of poker...there was no shortage of sobering news.
How could I be so stupid?
Chuck was on the brink of fatherhood...
Well, at least you're passing trig.
Randy was on the brink of repeating the eleventh grade...
(Paul frowns and picks up the air-freshener, spraying it toward Jeff, who blows smoke toward Paul.)
And I was on the brink of hating my best friend.
Knock it off, Pfeiffer.
Not till you put that thing out.
(Kevin has found a playing card under Jeff's shoe.)
You cheated. (Frowns.)
I did not. My fingers were greasy from the potato chips. (Gestures.) I-I-I'm sure a card, ya know, just...shot right outta my hands.
(Jeff puffs his cigar.)
Alright. Alright. (Gestures.) Then ask yourselves this - why would I possibly cheat at cards? (Smiles.)
Well, the way I see it...your motive is greed.
Excuse me, Lieutenant Columbo, maybe I'm just a better card-player than all you guys. (Smiles.) You ever think of that?!
(Later, Paul enters the kitchen and switches on the light, then walks between Kevin and Chuck who have been talking about Chuck's possible fatherhood.)
Excuse me - I gotta make a phone call.
(Paul holds the phone handset and looks toward Kevin.)
(Paul looks at the phone as he dials. Chuck exits.)
We were in here. (Gestures.) Ya know, Chuck and I...
Right...(Gestures.) And now Chuck left...(gestures)...and I'm gonna make a phone call. (Nods.)
And I don't know...
(Paul talks on the phone.)
Maybe because of what the guys had said, or maybe because of the way he was acting...
Yeah, I'm gonna be...
But suddenly...I was beginning to see Paul in a whole new light.
(Later, Paul rejoins the guys.)
OK. I'm back.
Oh, were you gone?
And so, there we were - five friends playing poker.
(Jeff flips some cards over while dealing.)
Hey. Maybe if you dealt a little slower...my cards wouldn't end up in the cheese puffs.
Five friends arguing and sniping. Carping, and whining. Taking humbrage at even the pettiest offense.
(Later in the scene, Randy points out they are out of food.)
Yeah, someone should run out and get more.
So, who wants to go? Kev?
What...(gestures)...leave you guys with all the cards?
Alright, fine. (Gestures.) I'll go.
No way, he'll just go out and get another deck.
Alright, I'll go. (Gestures.) But I'll take the deck of cards with me.
Course, Kev, how do we know...(gestures)...you won't cheat?
So, naturally...there was only one solution.
(Cut to grocery store parking lot.)
We did what any five petty-squabbling, distrustful best friends would do.
Why does it take five guys to go get food?
(Kevin parks the car.)
Because we're hungry. (Gestures.)
Because we're morons.
Hey, who you callin' a moron.
Hey, figure it out, Sherlock.
Hey - you guys maybe quit pickin' on each other?
I'm gonna go get stuff, OK?
No, you go...and you'll come back with twelve pounds of fruit. (Frowns.)
(Paul looks off.)
What did you say, Paul? (Frowns.)
No - because I heard you say something. (Nods.)
I didn't say anything.
Well, here's what I say. Maybe you're a moron, but let me tell you something. Stewart and Irene Coleman didn't raise any morons.
No, you deserve all the credit for that, alright?
(Paul frowns and starts to get out.)
I'm outta here...
(Cut to the grocery store. Paul pushes a shopping cart as Kevin picks up a bag of something.)
No, not those. They're bad for you.
(Kevin forcefully puts the bag back.)
God, Paul...(gestures)...what is your problem?
What problem? (Shrugs.)
I'm not sure if I was angry at Paul, or if I was angry at myself...
(Paul frowns, then starts forward. Kevin follows.)
For suddenly hating my best friend, but...
You know, it used to be fun to hang around with you. And I don't know what it is now, but being with you is like...being...
I don't know...I just think...
But what I didn't want to say was...that Paul had changed.
You know, Kev...(frowns)...you've changed.
(Kevin trots in front of Paul.)
What's that supposed to mean?
I mean, you hang around with those guys...(gestures)...and all you care about is being cool in front of them.
I do not. (Gestures.) And besides, they're your friends, too. (Gestures.)
No. They were you friends first. We were friends...(gestures)...so I just came along.
What, so I can't have any other friends other than you? (Frowns.) That's ridiculous. You know, I call you when the guys get together. (Gestures.) I invite you to the poker games. (Gestures.) I -
Yeah, and that ski trip over Spring break...(frowns)...I bet you were gonna invite me to that, too, right?
(Kevin looks slightly surprised.)
That's what I thought.
The last hand of the night.
The play was intense. The conversation...at a minimum.
What had begun three hours ago as a simple game among friends...
Had, by ten-thirty, developed into an all-out grudge-match.
I'll take two.
Suddenly, we were no longer boys playing a man's game. We were men. Men at war. Defending our turf. Standing our ground.
Alright. I bet twenty cents.
And I'll raise you...fifty.
(Everyone antes up.)
It was time to show no mercy. Take no prisoners. The bets were down.
Pair 'o jacks.
A straight. Almost.
Two pair - jacks and nines. (Smiles.)
It's up to you, Jeff.
(Jeff looks at Kevin, then his cards, then Randy, the slaps his cards face down on the table and joins his hands.)
I fold. I got nothin'.
You mean, I win?
(Later, on the porch, Kevin looks over his shoulder as Randy leads Paul out the door.)
Seeya later, guys.
Thanks, Kev. Guess I'll go hit the books. (Gestures.)
(Randy exits, and Paul looks at Kevin.)
(Paul walks off and Kevin frowns at him.)
(While cleaning up, Kevin finds out Jeff had five kings in his hand. He smiles slightly and look toward the sound of the front door closing as Paul approaches slowly.)
The door was open.
(He reaches for his jacket on the couch.)
I forgot my jacket.
I guess that silence said it all. That things had changed between Paul and me. That the unspoken ease of our friendship...was slipping away.
So, I guess I'll see you in school.
(Paul turns toward the door.)
Paul? Uh...I just wanted to say that, uh...
But there was no way to say it. Those seventeen years...
(Kevin smiles slightly.)
He knew what I meant.
(Paul smiles slightly, then exits.)
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 114 - "Summer")
(In the diner, Jeff and Chuck announce they are going to take a cross-country trip.)
I guess it's just me and you this summer.
Yeeeeah, except, uh, I'm going to be busy with advanced summer-school courses.
Oh, oh, yeah. I was gonna do that, too, but I decided to have a life.
Terrific. What am I supposed to do now?
Well...why don't you come with us? (Gestures.)
Yeah! What do you say, Kev?
Y-yeah, we'll be out on the road!
We'll be living by our wits.
Go where we want to go.
Do what we want to do.
If we want to wake up in Kansas City -
We'll wake up in Kansas City. Think about it...
And faced with the call of the open road, the song of the highway, the lure of total irresponsibility...
(Paul smiles and shakes his head.)
Your parents are never gonna let you go.
See also Full Transcript
(Ep 115 - "Independence Day")
(Kevin and Winnie are holding hands and smiling as they walk quickly through the parade crowd.)
The next day Winnie and I came home. Back to where we'd started. It was the 4th of July in that little suburban town. Somehow though, things were different. Our past was here, but our future was somewhere else. And we both knew, sooner or later, we had to go. It was the last July I ever spent in that town. The next year, after graduation, I was on my way.
(They approach Paul.)
Paul! Hey, Paul.
So was Paul. He went to Harvard - of course. Studied law.
He's still allergic to everything.
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