(Ep 84 - "Of Mastodons And Men")
(Chuck, Ricky, Paul and Kevin in the school hallway.)
Listen you guys want to, uh...(demonstrates)...shoot some hoops after school?
Oh, yeah - count me in!
Hey, Kev? You playin'?
The tribe. That year we were inseparable. We'd faced all the challenges.
All but one, anyway.
(Julie is smiling at Kevin in the distance.)
(She waves for Kevin to approach.)
Uh, look - guys? I gotta take a rain-check, OK?
(The guys frown and snort, then back away, smiling, as Kevin walks toward Julie.)
(Cut to Kevin and Julie walking along the sidewalk.)
Julie Aidem. We'd been goin' out for two weeks. And to put it mildly...
Carry my books?
You don't mind?
You kidding? (Smiles.)
She appreciated the little things about me.
(They hold hands.)
You know you have a really cute laugh.
She liked my laugh.
I thought about you today. (Smiles.)
Yeah. I was thinking about you, too.
She thought about me. Lots.
I thought...that you look really good in stripes. (Smiles.)
(Julie reaches up with both hands and adjusts Kevin's collar.)
With the collar up. You know - it'd really suit you. (Smiles.)
(Kevin frowns slightly, and adjusts his collar.)
That was Julie. She watched over me. Took care of me. Civilized me.
How's that? (Smiles.)
So much better! (Smiles.)
(She kisses him on the cheek. He smiles. They join hands and walk.)
Let's face it. She was good for me.
(At Julie's house.)
Not that Julie's mom wasn't every bit as fun-loving as her dad.
Hey, Kevin? Why don't you stay for dinner?
I'd love to, June.
(Mrs. Aidem's smile fades and she looks hurt.)
She was just more...civilized.
I mean...Mrs. Aidem.
(Mrs. Aidem smiles and tilts her head. Sound effect "ding!" She turns and walks toward the house.)
After all, like mother...
(Julie passes the camera up the steps and turns. She smiles and tilts her head. "Ding!")
(Julie walks toward the door.)
(Cut to Aidem dinner table. The Aidem's annoying little dog is barking.)
(The dog yaps around Mr. Aidem's legs.)
All-in-all...it was quite a household. Filled with doilies, and lace curtains...
(The dog barks.)
And of course...Pooh-Pooh.
Quiet, Pooh-Pooh, quiet!
I don't get it Daddy - you're the only one that Pooh-Pooh barks at.
That's because Pooh-Pooh loves him. (Smiles.)
Yeah, Daddy. Pooh-Pooh loves you. (Smiles.)
The Aidem family was a model of decorum. There may have been a reason for that.
Oh, Ben? (Frowns.)
(She holds up a fork.)
(Mr. Aidem turns his fork over and looks at it.)
The girls out-numbered the boys by a ratio of four-to-one.
(The dog barks.)
Five-to-one if you counted the pooch.
So, Kev? Who do you like for the World Series?
Uh, I don't know! (Gestures.) I think I like the Tigers - or maybe the Cubs. (Smiles.)
Oakland's gonna knock everyone else on their butts.
Oh...(shrugs)...sorry...(Nods.) Not at the dinner table.
(Kevin smiles, and glances at the others.)
Still, I had to admit - I liked it there. It was nice being in a civilized home.
Oh. Ben? (Frowns.) Fix your collar.
A home where people actually said "please"...and used butter-knives.
(In Julie's basement, she is smiling, carrying a tray of milk and cookies.)
Milk and cookies.
Yeah, this was the life.
(Julie hands a glass of milk and a cookie to Kevin.)
So...did you miss me? (Smiles.)
You just went upstairs to get some cookies. (Frowns.)
I missed you.
Well...yeah! Yeah, of course I missed you! (Smiles.)
Still, at two-and-a-half weeks into the relationship, it was beginning to occur to me that civilization was not without its discontents.
(Julie smiles and leans closer.)
What are you thinking?
She asked me that a lot.
(Kevin holds up a cookie and smiles.)
These are great cookies.
Well, tomorrow, I'll make brownies. (Smiles.)
(Pooh-Pooh is barking.)
Oh - Daddy must be home.
Anybody down here?
(Mr. Aidem steps around the dog.)
Hey, Ben! (Smiles.)
Kev, how you doin'? New muffler - check it out! (Smiles.)
Well, it's great, Daddy.
(She nods, then frowns and looks down.)
Oh...yeah...(gestures.) Let me get something out of my toolbox, and I'll get out of your way. (Smiles.)
(The dog barks.)
Daddy! Look what you're doing to Pooh-Pooh! You're hurting her feelings!
Oh...I don't know what got into me! (Smiles.)
Well...I'll go get her a biscuit. (Exits.)
And suddenly, the thought struck me this guy might appreciate a little male-bonding.
So, Ben, this is a...great cellar you got, here. (Smiles.)
(Mr. Aidem looks over his shoulder toward the panty-hose hanging over the washer and dryer in the background.)
Yeah, a few too many nylons for my taste.
Oh. Yeah. (Gestures.) Me, too.
(The dog barks around Mr. Aidem's legs.)
She's no Duke.
(Julie approaches down the stairs.)
Got the biscuit...(Smiles.)
(She kneels down to the dog.)
Pooh-Pooh, I love you so much!
(Mr. Aidem leans closer to Kevin.)
I'll tell you about Duke some other time.
(Mr. Aidem walks past Kevin toward the stairs, and passes Julie.)
And there you had it.
Did you miss me?
So much for guy-talk.
Yeah. Of course I missed you. (Smiles.)
And we were back - to milk and cookies.
Well, I really gotta get back home.
But you're coming over tomorrow afternoon, right?
(Julie smiles. "Ding!")
Course...I wouldn't miss it for the world. (Smiles.)
I thought you were gonna be playing ball with us this afternoon!
I just made these kinda...plans. (Gestures.)
What plans? (Gestures.)
Nothing. I was...just gonna go over...
(Chuck puts his hands behind his head and swivels his hips.)
Well, we were gonna play three-on-three!
OK! (Nods.) No problem. I'll be there.
Yeah - right!
And that's when I felt a cold chill.
She's really smothering you.
What are you talking about?
But I guess I knew. It was written all over their faces.
Look. (Frowns.) Guys! I can do what ever I want to do! I'm playin' ball! I don't have to ask anyone! No one's gonna stop me! (Gestures.)
There! I'd faced the tribe.
(Kevin exits and walks down the hallway.)
I'd made my stand.
Just one little problem.
I missed you. (Smiles.)
And maybe that's when I began to realize...
(Cut to the sidewalk. Kevin and Julie are walking her dog.)
The undeniable truth. Julie Aidem had me...on a very short leash.
(Kevin and the guys are playing football.)
And so, that afternoon, I was...reborn. A few hours with the guys, and I remembered who I was. Kevin Arnold. Runner. Passer. Hunter. Warrior. And it felt good.
(Cut to Arnold kitchen. Kevin enters.)
(Kevin walks toward the living room.)
By the time I got home I was a new man.
(Norma smiles and looks down at her cup, then turns to Kevin, who is about to enter the dining room.)
Kevin? You have a visitor.
(Kevin turns and looks surprised.)
Hi, Kevin! (Smiles.)
(Julie smiles. "Ding".)
I wasn't expecting you.
Julie and I were just...(nods)...getting to know one another. (Smiles.)
I was just worried about you, Kevin. (Smiles.)
Isn't that sweet? She was just worried about you...
So, Julie? Julie - what's goin' on?
Oh, nothing. I thought you were coming over today.(Smiles.)
Isn't that sweet? (Smiles.)
Oh...I'll just...leave you two together. Seeya later, Julie.
Hope so, Mrs. Arnold.
(Norma exits toward the living room.)
Isn't that sweet?
(Kevin looks at Julie. Julie smiles.)
(Kevin looks off.)
It was clear we'd reached a critical juncture.
Yes, Kevin? (Smiles.)
It was time to set gound-rules. Here and now.
Well...(gestures)...every once-in-a-while, guys just...you know, gotta hang out with...other guys.
And there it was.
Gentle...but somehow, firm.
(Julie shakes her head and shrugs.)
I guess you forgot what today is...
It's our three-week anniversary! (Smiles.)
I got you a gift!
Made you wonder if they knew how to gift-wrap crow.
Do you like it?
(Kevin smiles as he lifts the shirt from the box.)
Y'I-I love it! It's great! It - it's...
You know, Kevin...
(Julie rises, steps around the table, and pauses.)
If you want to be with the guys sometimes...I understand!
No, no - that's not it - it-it's just -
I wouldn't want you to feel like I was smothering you.
(She adjusts his collar.)
No! Don't be ridiculous, you're not smothering me...
If you don't think we're right for each other...
No, Julie, I...definitely think we're right for each other.
Oh, that's what I think, Kevin! (Smiles.)
And right about then...something went wrong.
So maybe it's time we made more of a commitment.
(Nods.) Oh, Kevin! (Smiles.)
(She hugs him.)
This is so exciting! I can't wait to tell everyone we're going steady...First we have to tell Mommy and Daddy at dinner.
(Julie smiles, kisses Kevin on the cheek, then exits. Kevin frowns and looks over his shoulder after her.)
And suddenly, somehow...I...
(Kevin frowns again, and mouths "steady?")
Was going steady.
(At Julie's house for dinner.)
That night, I did my best to forestall the inevitable.
(Julie turns to Kevin nudges him, and nods directionally.)
Uh...terrific pot-roast, Mrs. Aidem.
Thank you, Kevin.
But then, I guess they don't call it..."the inevitable" for nothing.
(Julie smiles, then shakes her head.)
Kevin - don't you have an announcement to make?
(Kevin looks a little surprised.)
At least, not around the Aidem household.
(Kevin glances off and his smile fades.)
Yeah...yeah, I do.
(Kevin takes a deep breath, and opens his mouth to speak.)
Oh, Kevin...(Nods.) I think you should stand up.
(Julie smiles and Kevin stands slowly.)
And so, we'd arrived. At the last exit. The final whistle.
And that's when it happened.
(Mrs. Aidem looks toward Mr. Aidem and frowns, pointing to her throat.)
Honey? Fix your collar.
(Low music starts to play.)
(Julie smiles at Kevin. Kevin looking down suddenly. Pooh-Pooh is barking and pawing Kevin's legs.)
Pooh-Pooh! Stop that!
I thought Pooh-Pooh only barked at you, Daddy!
It was horrible.
Down, Pooh-Pooh, down!
(Pooh-Pooh barks and paws at Kevin. Kevin pushes the dog away with his foot.)
Almost as if Pooh-Pooh knew I was about to join the ranks of Aidem men.
(Kevin glances around. Pooh-Pooh barking and paws his legs. Kevin glances around, then looks toward the dog.)
And then, from out of nowhere...I swear I heard it.
(Sound of a long dog-howl. Kevin quickly looks over his shoulder toward the window behind him. Primitive drums beat, and another dog-howl is heard.)
It was a clear and clarion call. And I knew what I had to do.
(Close shot of the table as Kevin's fist slams down on it.)
(Drums and music end. Julie looks at Kevin's fist, then toward Kevin.)
It was now or never.
Julie - I can't do this. I just...can't!
(Kevin flips his collar down.)
I like wearing my...collar down! And I hate wearing striped shirts!
(Julie frowns at Kevin in disbelief and shock.)
And I don't like cookies!
(Kevin frowns heavily toward Julie.)
I don't want to spend every minute with you! I like hanging out with the guys! I'm a hunter. And a warrior. And what about the mastodons?!
OK - maybe I got little carried away about the mastodon thing. But I wasn't just speaking for myself. I was speaking for all man-kind...For Ben. And even...for Duke. Wherever he was.
(Kevin looks toward Julie, pauses, then shrugs heavily.)
I just - I can't do it, Julie. We can't go steady.
(Julie looks hurt, and frowns at Kevin. She glances away and hurriedly rises and walks off around the table. Mrs. Aidem tosses her napkin down and follows Julie, followed by the sisters.)
And then...it was over. Except for one thing.
I think you better go, Kev.
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