Jeff Billings



(Ep 94 - "Homecoming")

(Paul is supervising the hanging of a banner at school.)
Hey, what's this all about?
Homecoming game.
Oh.
I'm assuming you'll be there?
Ah, I don't know. I might have to spend the weekend with my dad.
That was Jeff Billings, the new kid in school. Believe it or not, he was the first kid I ever knew whose parents were divorced.
Maybe you could bring your dad to the game.
Nah, then my mom will get all upset and I'll have to spend the rest of the week eating cold meatloaf.
Well, that sounds pretty dumb.
Oh, great, yeah. That's easy for you to say. I mean, your parents are still having sex together.
They are not!
Yeah, you had to like this kid. He was kinda like me...a wiseguy.
*
(The school mascot walks past Paul, Jeff and Kevin at the lockers.)
That's pathetic. Look at that.
What happened?
They gave him back.
Well, that's good, right?
No, they kept his armor, man.
Oh...
Oh, fine. Be that way! I'm just saying someone ought to do something about it.
Yeah, ya know, I mean he's right. We could write a letter, or something...
We should file a complaint.
Yeah, knight-napping.
Or we could steal their owl.
Hmmmm.
Ah, no. Forget it, man. We don't even know where they keep it.
Hey, I know where they keep it. I got a friend who goes to Central.
Bingo.


*
(In front of Central High.)
And so...
(Kevin and Jeff come out the door. Sound of a hooting owl.)
That night, thanks to fate...
(Ricky is watching from Kevin's car.)
And Ricky Holsenbach...
Guys? Is that you?!
I saw my chance to go to war.
(Kevin and Jeff approach.)
Put this in the back.
(They hand the cage to Ricky, who looks a little scared.)
Holy cow!
Sure, maybe it was crazy.
Forget it. I'll do it myself.
(Kevin hurries toward the back of the car with the cage.)
But in some way...it was absolutely necessary.
(A guard steps out of the building, shining a flashlight.)
What's goin' on out there? What's going on out there?! Put that cage down!
(Jeff and Ricky hurry to the car.)
Come on - let's get out of here, man!
(Kevin looks at Jeff and Ricky, as a light shines in his face. He looks toward the guard.)
Do you hear me?!
(Jeff leans out the passenger window.)
Come on! Let's go! Kev! Let's get outta here!
Put that cage down!
(Kevin looks at the cage and drops it, gets in the car ands starts it.)
It was heady.
(The trunk is still up as Kevin drives off, without lights.)
It was wild.
Stop!
It was...
(The camera lowers to street level, showing the owl inside the cage.)
A total fiasco.
*
(At the diner.)
I don't believe it. How could I blow it like that? I mean, we were there - we had it! And then...I mean, I blew it! Right?
Right.
Fact! The great owl heist had been a bust.
Hey, aren't you going to say anything?
You got some ketchup on your shirt.

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(Ep 98 - "Politics As Usual")

(During a debate between presidential campaign supporters, Jeff and Kevin smile and look at something Jeff is holding, then chuckle. Winnie looks at Kevin.)
Kevin...pay attention...
Sorry.
(Jeff raises his eyebrows and looks down.)
Can't take him anywhere.
*
(At night, Kevin parks his car in front of the campaign building where Winnie is working late.)
You mind if I ask what we're doing here?
Hey, I just want to see what's going on, OK?
Alright. You know...I think I saw something like this on "Mission: Impossible".
Look at that.
(Jeff looks toward the building. Several people are walking around inside.)
What do you think they're doin' in there?
My imagination was running wild. I saw passionate kisses. Steamy embraces. Limbs entwining. Then...
(The building lights dim to black.)
I saw the lights go out.
I'm going in there.
That's great. Hey - could you bring me back a donut?

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(Ep 99 - "White Lies")

(Locker Room. Jay walks toward his locker.)
I think I'm going to give Carol Masuchi another chance this weekend.
Oh, you mean she finally returned your calls?
(Kevin and the guys laugh.)
Hey! She...called me.
(Guys): Oooh...!
Face it. Every day was a trial, by a jury of your peers.
Chuck, how'd your date go with Marilyn last night?
Well, you know. Was fun.
Fun?
Yeah. Well...we did stuff.
Well, what kind of stuff?
You know...stuff.
And those who left themselves exposed bore the full wrath of the adolescent mob.
He didn't!
Did too!
Nah, you didn't!
It could be brutal.
Hey, come on. Lay off him.
But never so brutal as when the mob turned on you.
You're right, Arnold. Maybe we should be talking about you and the Coopster.
What?!
I mean you guys have been together for a long time. Uh, you want to give us some pointers?
Well -
At times like this...the only thing to do was hope for a last minute reprieve.
(Bell rings.)
Oh, wow, look at the time. Gotta run.
Uh, yeah! Sorry, guys, I gotta go.
*
(Locker room, after Kevin has played roughly.)
OK, maybe I was a little out of control. I had my reasons.
You OK?
Yeah. Why?
Oh, I don't know, just looked like you were going to take a life out there.
Ah, I don't know. I'm just feeling...frustrated.
(Jay looks up.)
Uh-oh...
(General pause in activity.)
I mean, I'm just having a bad day.
Right...
But it was too late. I'd broken the first rule of the locker room.
What's the matter, Arnold. Trouble in paradise?
Yes, is...Winnie shutting you out?
Well, uh, no, no. It's just, we...she and I, uh, just...You know.
Come on, Kev! Tell us something interesting.
We're waiting, Arnold.
Woops.
Or is there just really nothing to tell?
Now everything within me told me to keep my mouth shut. But somehow, the way those guys were looking at me...it just slipped out.
Hey, for your information, Winnie was over at my house last night.
Whoa!
All night...
And?
Hey, use your imagination.
Which of course, they did - what little they had.
Is this true?
(Snorts). Yeah, of course it's true. (Gestures.)
And with that, I became a god.
But...just don't tell anyone, OK?
Our lips are sealed.
And the most amazing part is...I actually believed them.

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(Ep 100 - "Wayne and Bonnie")

(Kevin and Jeff are watching Winnie play field-hockey.)
Winnie!
(She pauses and runs off.)
Winnie! (To Jeff) I guess she didn't see me.
I think she saw you.
And that was the problem. Winnie Cooper was treating me like I didn't exist.
I don't get it! I mean, what did I do, anyway?
Well, let's see. Off-hand, I'd say you embarrassed her, ruined her reputation, and lied about your relationship. But other than that, I'd say you were a perfect gentleman.
Never mind the details. It was true. Winnie and I were on the outs.
(Kevin approaches Winnie.)
Winnie! Winnie!
What I had to do now was figure out a way to get her back.
Hi. How you doing?
OK.
So, uh, looks like you're playing field-hockey.
Teammate: Win-nie!
I gotta go.
Sure.
And there you had it. After sixteen years of sharing everything together, overnight we'd become like...strangers.
(Kevin joins Jeff.)
So how'd it go?
Just perfect.
Yeah, it looked like wedding bells to me.
*
(At the mall.)
Gilson's Gift Barn - where the broken-hearted went to shop.
Hey, what about this electronic football game?
Why would Winnie want that?
I don't know, maybe you guys could play it together.
May I help you?
Uh, yeah! We're looking for something for my girlfriend.
Yeah, they had a fight.
Oh, a little lovers' quarrel, hmm?
No, it was nothing like that.
Yeah, it was much more despicable.
We're just...looking around, OK?
But something told me, this wasn't gonna be easy. After all, I was on a mission, here. A quest to recapture love. And nothing but the perfect gift was gonna do. I needed something that made a statement. Something that said it all. Something with bulk. Something with fur.
(Kevin puts a large stuffed-bear on the counter.)
So...what do you think?
I can't speak for Winnie, but I know that I would love a gift like this.
Maybe so, maybe not. All I really knew was...that night, it was my only hope.
*
(Kevin and Jeff are sitting apart from Winnie and her friends, in the diner.)
You look terrible.
What are you talking about!
Well, you're slumped over...you got crumbs all over you...You know, there's a dress-code here.
Yeah, well...
Maybe you need a bow-tie or something...People always look happy wearing a bow-tie.
(Girl): Win-nie! (Her group laughs.)
But what I needed, I couldn't have.
Ah...I'm gonna get another drink. You want a rootbeer, or something?
Yeah, sure, thanks.

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(Ep 102 - "The Test")

(Clips of young Kevin at a playground with Norma.)
One thing a kid learns growing up, is that life...is a series of risks. It's a cause-and-effect relationship. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Still, with the proper guidance, we learn to deal with the risks. And pretty soon, we set out into the world, sure in our options, confident of our choices. Until, that is...
(Bell rings. Cut to Mr. Glavin's English class.)
"Metamorphosis". Is it "A" - transformation, "B" - integration, "C" - resurrection, or "D" - none of the above?
Eleventh-grade. The year of decisions.
Anyone?
(Randy raises his hand.)
Yes.
"B".
(Mr. Glavin frowns.)
"C" - "D"!
"A"!
Around the middle of junior year, the risks increase.
I knew that.
Almost overnight, the choices get harder. One guess why.
(Mr. Glavin holds up a book.)
English comprehension. I suggest you learn this, class. It's bound to show up on you SAT's.
The scholastic aptitude test. The living nightmare of American adolescence.
(Mr. Glavin points over his shoulder.)
Alright, next word. "Pyrotechnic". Mr. Pfeiffer - would you like to take a crack at this one?
Uh...
Like some kind of biblical curse, the SAT's had descended on our class, reducing even the most-intelligent among us, to a state of...flop-sweats.
"B".
"D"!
I knew that.
Yeah, right.
I did.
In that case, Mr. Billings...(points)... "hirsute". Can you fill us in?
Hirsute. Uh...
It was grim. After sixteen years of hard learning, our educational futures had suddenly been pinned down to four choices...
Uh...
"A", "B", "C"...and of course...
(Cut to cafeteria line.)
Pudding, or Jell-o?
I'll...go with the pudding. (Gestures.)
Hirsute! Who-who in the world knows what hirsute means?
Hairy!
Oh, great.
The truth was, potential failure loomed at every turn.
(Jeff heads off. Kevin hesitates.)
Next.
Not that it was worth losing sleep over.
(Cut to cafeteria table with Chuck.)
I haven't slept in two nights! I don't know what it is - I just keep tossing and turning.
I just wish it was over.
I wish I were dead!
It was clear each of us was dealing with this in our own way. For me...
Come on - what are you both so worried about?
It was denial.
(Paul approaches.)
I mean, it's just a stupid aptitude test, right?
Maybe he's right.
Course I'm right.
Are you nuts? This test could determine our entire future.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, it means you have to score fourteen-hundred this year, to even be considered by the Ivy Leagues. And what college you go to determines what grad school you go to...which determines what kind of job you get...and what contacts you're gonna make...and-and who your friends are gonna to be, and what kind of house you're gonna live in...and what the rest of your life could be like.
(Paul sits down.)
Are you sure you didn't leave anything else out, Paul?
Yeah, you got some pudding on your pants.
*
(Class.)
Mr. Arnold. How about you?
Uh...
At times like this, there was only one thing to do.
"B"?
Take a risk.
Ah...very good. Would you like to tell the class how you arrived at this answer?
I guessed. (Smiles.)
Well, you were wrong.
I knew that.
Alright, let's, uh...start with another one - now, annoy is to irate...as...
One thing was clear - it was time do buckle down and dive in.
*
(Restroom with Chuck, Randy and Paul.)
The day before the test was torture.
Oh man. This is gonna be a disaster.
Panic had given way to...raw superstition.
You know, I heard that there's a pattern - if you break the code, you can figure out the answers.
Yeah. I heard they have this card they put over the answers, so if you fill in all the circles you get a perfect score.
No, I heard that if you use the serial number from **** and divide it by your birthday.
It was crazy - the last minute ravings of deperate men.
That's ridiculous - how're they gonna know your birthday?
Hey - they know everything! And then you take the question number and you add it, and you multiply the whole thing -
I can't believe you guys are wasting your time on these stupid rumors! I mean, don't you have something better to do? You should be studying.
Why?
Enough was enough. It was time to put some sense to this whole fiasco.
Who says we have to take this stupid test, anyway? Why should we let this one test affect our entire life? Why should one test make us this crazy? I say we're more important than that stupid test, and I for one, am not gonna let it control my life!
There. Finally, A statement of principle. A manifesto of defiance. A cry for unity no red-blooded kid could fail to admire.
(Randy and Chuck make chicken-clucking sounds, and exit.)
Nice try, buddy.
(Jeff pats Kevin's shoulder and exits.)


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(Ep 103 - "Let Nothing You Dismay")

(At the mall.)
Oh, look. Bread's got a new album out.
I hate Bread.
Yeah, but the chicks love 'em.
Listen, are you gonna help me or not?
I thought I was!
Uh, listen. If you were Winnie, what would you want from me?
Ah, well...I'd want you to hold me, and I'd want you to tell me that you love me...and, I think that would be present enough.
(Kevin frowns.)
Alright - a Maserati.
That's helpful.
Maserati's aside, I was faced with the annual yuletide challenge of a lifetime. Finding a present for my best girl.
Look at these prices. Who in their right mind would shop in a store like this?
(Winnie approaches with a large gift-wrapped box.)
Oh! Hi, Kevin.
Ask a stupid question...
Hi, Jeff.
Winnie, what are you doing here?
Uh, just some shopping.
Uh-huh...
So, what'd you get?
Just some stuff.
Right...
Oh.
It was pretty obvious that in that box was something large, for a medium-sized Arnold.
Well, I better get going.
Yeah, we're...gonna get going also.
Yeah, we got some stuff to buy.
Seeya.
(Winnie exits.)
Did you see the size of that box?
Yeah.
So, what are you gonna do, man?
There was only one thing to do.
(In the expensive clothes store.)
Cashmere - it's the fabric of royalty.
Go for absolute broke.
How big of a box does it come in?
You really think she'll like it?
There's not a woman alive who wouldn't. And, it's on sale - ninety-nine ninety-nine.
Ninety-nine?!
Ninety-nine.
That's almost a hundred dollars!
Very close, yeah.
Uh, I'm gonna think about it. She might be allergic.
Yeah, she's got a hive problem.
I understand.
Great, now what am I gonna do?
Well, ya know, Hickory Farms is having a sale on, uh, cheese-logs.
Thanks.
*
(Cafeteria with Paul and Chuck.)
Come on, you gotta be joking! I mean a hundred bucks?! For a sweater?!
Well, it-it's cashmere.
The fabric of royalty.
So? Ninety-nine bucks is too much to spend for any woman.
What am I supposed to do? I think she's gonna buy me something really expensive.
Well, maybe you should go for it. Last year, I spent eighty-seven bucks on a gift - and she loved it!
Who was that for?
Uh, just someone I know.
Oh, come on, Chuck. It was for your mother, wasn't it?
Maybe...

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(Ep 104 - "New Year")

In the first ten days of Christmas recess, I'd participated in thirteen semi-organized, semi-suicidal touch football games.
(Kevin is gang-tackled. Chuck gets up.)
Jeez. This ground is rock-solid.
(Jeff holds his knee.)
I think I broke somethin'.
(Paul gets up.)
What are we doing here?
Of course, the reason was obvious.
(Kevin gets up.)
Gotcha outta the house, didn't it?
He's right. Come on, guys - let's huddle up. (Claps.)
At sixteen, we were men on the run, fleeing house, home, and parents. Afraid of nothing. Except, maybe...
(In the huddle.)
What are you guys doin' for New Year's eve?
Uh. Serving drinks at my parents' party. You?
My uncle's showing home-movies. (Frowns.)
New Year's eve. The nightmare of family togetherness.
Hey, ya know...Eddie Putnam's having a big party.
Yeah?
Yeah, at his parents' ski-condo. In the mountains.
Yeah?
Yeah. Plus, Eddie's folks are gonna be out of town, in Aruba.

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(Ep 105 - "Alice In Autoland")

(Chuck and Alice are arguing at a party and Alice stomps off. Jeff and Paul watch.)
You think we should do something?
Nope.
I mean, look at the guy! Looks like he needs us, man.
(Paul shakes his head.)
Nope.
And in situations like these, there was one cardinal rule.
We just can't leave him standing there, can we?
Yep.
(Paul and Jeff turn their chairs around to face away from the camera.)
Never, never, get in the middle of someone else's relationship.
*
(In the cafeteria. Kevin has been having car problems.)
Maybe it's time you took it to a mechanic.
I already did.
What'd he say?
I don't know. He was, uh...laughing too hard - I couldn't understand him.
I don't know what the problem is, man. All ya need is...new tires, and a new body, and...a new motor. (Smiles.)
Wiseguy...

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(Ep 106 - "Ladies and Gentlemen...The Rolling Stones")

(On the road in Kevin's car.)
I don't wanna hear it.
OK, I'm sorry - I lost my mind.
Fine.
It's just that I heard, for awhile, that this Joe was like the sixth Rolling Stone, ya know?
Great. Insanity had taken over my school...
(Sound of a police siren. Kevin looks in the rearview mirror.)
And the law had taken over Vine Street.
(A motorcycle policeman is behind them.)
Oh, man.
(Kevin pulls over.)
Why don't you plead insanity, Kev?
Shut up. (Frowns.)
(The policeman approaches.)
May I see your license, please?
Of course, a situation like this required that I reach back for a little of my own teen logic.
You realize that it's impossible to go the speed-limit on this street.
Is that a fact?
OK...here's the thing. Grades are really important to me. So...I was really trying to get home - to study. Because...I know that...a lot of criminals got bad grades in school. So-so that if...kids got better grades...by studying hard...then there would be less...criminals around.
Wow. (Nods.) Yeah.
But when it came to logic...some guys had the knack...
You must make your parents proud.
(The cop hands a ticket to Kevin.)
And some guys...had the ticket.
Have a nice day. (Exits.)
All of which added up to one thing.
You had me sold.
*
(At the diner with Winnie, Chuck, and Kevin.)
Absolute confirmation! Alright, Gary Zerwinski's sister ...she's a, she's a stewardess, right? She met Keith Richards on a flight to New York last year.
Ooooh!
Yeah, so, so?
I don't believe this!
Anyways, they got to New York, had a couple drinks - plural, and now the Stones are back in...the US of A, and who does Keith Richards want to see?
Shirley...
Zerwinski.
Voila!
*
(In the cafeteria.)
I'm tellin' ya...Friday night, the Stones are gonna be at a place called "Joe's", out on Highway 9!
Right...(Nods.)
By junior year, I'd been down the old rumor-trail one too many times.
There's no way...Paul? Tell 'em.
It's a zillion-to-one. It's not gonna happen!
I rest my case. (Gestures.)
Maybe I was a little tough on the guy...but it was so clear to anyone with even a semblance of intelligence.
(Jeff quickly approaches, carrying his tray and takes a seat.)
Hey, you guys hear about the Stones?
(Chuck smiles at Kevin and gestures toward Jeff.)
Unfortunately...a semblance of intelligence was in short supply.
(Cut to the road in Kevin's car.)
I don't wanna hear it.
OK, I'm sorry - I lost my mind.
Fine.
It's just that for awhile, I heard that this Joe was like the sixth Rolling Stone, ya know?
Great. Insanity had taken over my school...
(Sound of a police siren. Kevin looks in the rearview mirror.)
And the law had taken over Vine Street.
Oh, man.
(They pull over.)
Why don't you plead insanity, Kev?
Shut up. (Frowns.)
(The policeman approaches.)
May I see your license, please?
Of course, a situation like this required that I reach back for a little of my own teen logic.
(Kevin gives his license to the policeman.)
You realize that it's impossible to go the speed-limit on this street.
Is that a fact?
OK...Here's the thing...Grades are really important to me. So...I was really trying to get home - to study. Because...I know that...a lot of criminals got bad grades in school...so that if...kids got better grades...by studying hard...then there would be less...criminals around.
(The policeman pulls his sunglasses off. Jeff is frowning in thought.)
Wow. (Nods.) Yeah.
But when it came to logic...some guys had the knack...
You must make your parents proud.
(Kevin smiles as the policeman holds a ticket in front of Kevin.)
And some guys...had the ticket.
(The policeman exits.)
Have a nice day.
All of which added up to one thing.
(Kevin and Jeff look at the ticket.)
You had me sold.

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(Ep 107 - "Unpacking")

(In Mr. Clemens' chemistry class. Kevin and Jeff are lab partners.)
Chemical interaction. If the solution turns blue, it's base...
By the middle of junior year, life at my school was becoming...routine.
Carefully, OK?...Add twenty milligrams of reactant...to the solution.
The teachers, the kids, the classes...they were all pretty predictable.
Did he say twenty milligrams?
Most of them, anyway.
Yeah. Why?
It...(looks off)...just doesn't sound like much.
Jeff Billings, the new kid in school.
You know, maybe we should try fifty.
Fifty?
Yeah, you know, I mean, we're both scientists, aren't we?
When it came to unpredictable - this guy had the lock.
So...fifty...
Yeah, or, you know...(makes a pouring motion.)
We could put the whole thing in.
You only live once. Right? (Smiles.)
Here goes nothin'...
(Kevin pours the powder into the liquid. It foams and overflows. Mr. Clemens looks up from his desk. "Boom!" sound of an explosion. Cut to the hallway as Jeff and Kevin burst through the door. They walk up the hall.)
I can't believe you just did that.
Me?! It was you're idea. (Smiles.)
Never! Come on...
In the short time I'd known the kid, I'd learned this about him - he had brains...
(They round a corner and Jeff and a teacher collide.)
Uh...
A sense of humor...
Pardon me, sir.
Watch you step, young man.
He had...
Y-Yes, sir. And thank you for bringing that to my attention, sir. (Smiles.)
Attitude.
(The teacher brushes past, between Kevin and Jeff. They continue to Jeff's locker.)
Very nice.
I do my best...
(Jeff dials the combo.)
Yep, in a way, the guy had it all.
(Jeff opens the locker door, which has a 6x9-ish photo of a girl on it.)
Including a girlfriend I'd never met. Julie McDermott, the legendary goddess from another town.
How is she?
Who?
(Jeff is mildly puzzled. He looks at Julie's picture.)
Oh, Julie...she's great.
You seen her lately?
Ah...nah...but we talked last week on the phone.
Whoa! (Smiles.)
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing - it's just...(gestures at the picture)...how can you have a girlfriend a hundred-and-ten miles away?
Yeah, you're right...
(Jeff turns to Kevin as he slams his locker shut.)
It's over.
(Jeff gestures and pretends to break down crying.)
And there you have it. A man with an answer for everything.
Hit my house this afternoon?
Yeah, sure.
(Cut to Jeff's bedroom. Jeff enters, followed by Kevin. Jeff drops his things on a chair and table.)
So, make yourself at home.
Right.
(Jeff walks to the record player and picks up "Can't Buy A Thrill" - Steely Dan. Kevin slides magazines off a box and sits on it, in the background.)
If "home" was a two-bedroom, pool-side condo - with boxes.
So, I see you really fixed the place up.
(Jeff blows the dust off the album and puts it on the player. "Reelin' In The Years" plays.)
Yeah, I think it's all coming together.
Aren't you ever gonna unpack?
Nah, I like it like this...(rolls his hands)...sort of..."early-American divorce settlement", you know...
(Mrs. Billings knocks at the doorway and smiles.)
Hey, guys!
Hey.BR> Hey, Mrs. Billings. (Smiles.)
How was your day?
A complete and total waste of time.
Oh! I thought you learned that yesterday...
Hey, did Dad call?
Well...yes...but he said he can't come in this week.
Oh. Sure...no problem.
(Mrs. Billings exits.)
So, you want to play some ball or something? I know I have a mitt around here somewhere...
Listen, Jeff, since your dad's not coming in this week, you want to do somethin'?
Like what?
We can double, or somethin'.
Can't. (Frowns.)
Why not?
I told you - I already got a girl. So you gonna help me find this glove or not?
Sure.
*
(In the cafeteria, Winnie wants Kevin to fix her girlfriend, Ann, up with a date.)
I hate fixing people up - it never works out, and it always ends up being my fault. Besides, I don't know anyone who needs a date.
(Jeff sits down, without food.)
Hey, you guys!
(Winnie turns toward Kevin and gives him the eye.)
What's happenin'?
Oh, no. No - forget it!
(Winnie frowns.)
After all, the guy had a girl. No way he was gonna -
(Ann approaches the table.)
Hi! I'm back.
(She glances at Jeff and sits next to him. They look at each other.)
Hi...
Hi...
Ann, this is Jeff. Jeff, this is -
Welcome to the monkey-house.
You read Vonnegut?
Oh, sure...when-whenever I can. (Smiles.)
Did you read "Slaughterhouse Five"?
Yeah, Billy Pilgrim and Montana Wildhack...
She and Billy were so much in love.
Yeah, but he time-travelled.
But they kept...coming back together.
It was kinda like being in the middle of a furnace. But then...
(Ann and Jeff smile at each other, then Jeff gets flustered.)
Um, yeah - I gotta get going.
(Jeff rises.)
Huh?
I just got some stuff to do...anyway, it was nice talking to you. (Exits.)
Uh...(she stands)...I gotta get a drink of water. (Exits.)
Wow! Did you see that?
Yeah...(Smiles.)
Wow!
There was absolutely no denying it.
(Cut to chemistry class as Kevin and Jeff are doing an experiment.)
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Unless, of course, you denied it.
So you're telling me there was nothing going on between you two...
Wh- She was nice.
Nice...
Yeah, she was cute, ya know...
So you gonna ask her out or not?
Kevin, I told you I've already got a girl.
And after hearing that about eight-hundred times, it finally seemed clear.
Unless, you know, i-it wasn't like, like a...a date, you know, I mean...if it were something more like...I don't know...
Unofficial...
Yeah, unofficial.
Unofficial - I knew just the place.
(Cut to...)
Peter Pan's Putt-Putt. The miniature-golf capital of suburbia.
(Jeff takes a baseball swing off the tee.)
It was hip, it was happening...it was cheap.
Jeff!
Yep, you couldn't get anymore unofficial than this.
(Jeff and Ann approach each other.)
Hi...
Hi...
And there was only one thing to say.
So, uh, I guess I'll keep score, OK?
(Jeff and Ann are still smiling at each other.)
(Both): Sure...
So we entered the wonderful world of...golf. Now, golf was a game of skill. A game that required finesse...grace...coordination. And of course - accuracy.
(Kevin has made a series of bad shots, and is now in the rocks.)
Maybe you should just pick it up. (Gestures.)
What - and take the penalty?! Forget about it.
It became obvious that while my form needed work...Ann and Jeff seemed to have theirs down just right.
So why'd you move out here?
My dad got transferred. How about you?
Divorce.
Hnnnn. For awhile I thought my folks were going to get divorced. I mean, they never talk to each other or anything.
I know what you mean.
I'm never going to be like them.
Me neither.
It was like watching "Romeo and Juliet".
Fore!
(Kevin slices another shot - "whoosh...", bouncing in front of Jeff and Ann.)
I think you're supposed to put it...(gestures)... in the hole.
(Ann's shot goes into the cup.)
By the eighteenth hole, two things were clear.
Oooh, nice shot!
Thanks.
One, the unofficial date was a rousing success.
This is fun.
And two...
(Kevin swings and the ball bounces off the back lip of the cup and away.)
Golf was for idiots.
(Kevin takes two more taps to get it in.)
There.
So! Anybody for another round?
No!
Yeah, you're right. There's no sense in fooling with perfection. (Smirks.)
Well, maybe we could, uh...go somewhere else.
Like where?
I don't know...the Point?
Well, that sounds nice.
The Point. Where unofficial dates became...official couples.
Um, actually...(rubs forehead)...I-I-I...I can't. Uh, I should actually get home.
Wh...Jeff - it's only 9 o'clock...
Actually, ya know, I live a few blocks from here, so I'll...so I'll walk. But i-it was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Bye.
(Jeff turns and starts to walk away.)
Just like that...Romeo took a powder.
(Kevin looks at Winnie, then hurries after Jeff.)
Hey, Jeff - wait a minute! What just happened back there?
Well...(looks away)...let's see...I shot a sixty, and you got about...(makes face)...a hundred-and-eighty...
Jeff, will you knock it off! (Gestures.) I don't get it. I mean, you two were hitting it off.
But of course, I should have known.
I told you Kevin, I already got a girl...(Exits.)
And there it was. The same old song.
*
(Jeff was not in school. So...)
That afternoon, I headed for Jeff's.
(Jeff sits in a lounge chair near the apartment pool, writing on a tablet.)
I figured maybe he was sick, or dead. Or...maybe something in-between.
Hey! What's goin' on?
(Jeff settles in the chair. He looks at Kevin and points up with his pencil.)
Well, ya know, I'm writin' a letter.. working on my tan...
In your coat?
Yeah, well, you can't be too careful with these...(looks up)...dangerous, ultra-violet rays.
(Jeff looks down at his writing.)
So why'd you skip school today?
I don't know, I just had some things to think about.
Oh...I saw Ann.
She...say anything interesting?
I didn't know what to tell the guy.
Well, you know.
I talked to my dad this morning.
Oh, yeah? How'd that go?
Not good. Bad connection.
You want to talk about any of this?
(Jeff looks a his letter a moment, then leans forward.)
OK.
(Jeff sets his paper and pencil down, and puts his feet up.)
And finally, we were gonna break through all the wisecracks, and glibness.
(Jeff puts his fist on his chin and looks off.)
Well, ya know, I was thinking, uh...(looks at Kevin)...your golf game needs work. Maybe if you should try using a bigger ball...(gestures)...ya know what I'm sayin'...I don't know a tennis ball, or...a bowling ball...or -
I don't believe this!
(Jeff makes a "squinty" face.)
What is it with you? Is everything a joke to you?
What do you mean?
I mean, you have an answer for everything - but...you never try and fit in!
(Jeff frowns and rolls his eyes.)
What are you - Ann Landers?
What?!
There's a proper way to do this...a proper way to do that...I mean, it's really none of your business.
OK, if the guy wanted to keep it to himself...fine with me.
Yeah, well...forget it!
(Kevin turns away and walks toward the camera.)
Hey!
What?
(Jeff puts his hands on the chair and drops his feet.)
You know...
(Jeff stands up quickly and takes a step foreward, pointing to himself.)
For your information, I didn't ask to move here. I didn't ask to have all my stuff put in a moving van, and come to some new place, and...and meet new people and "fit in"! My family was back there...(jerks his thumb)...and nobody asked me!
(Kevin looks puzzled, and gestures with both arms.)
So that's it? You're just gonna to sit there...
(Kevin waves his hand out and frowns.)
By yourself...?
(Jeff frowns and sighs. He gives Kevin a dismissing wave.)
Oh, man, you don't know anything. Just leave, will ya?
Terrific. (Exits.)
*
(In Kevin's driveway as he approaches his car to go to the mall.)
Oh, hey!
What are you doing here?
Well, um...I kinda need a ride. I need to get back to my hometown.
Well, forget it - I'm busy.
Well, sure, yeah - that's OK...(gestures broadly)...I mean...you can just give me the keys to your car, ya know...(gestures)...and...I'll take it from there...
Nah...I've seen you drive. (Smiles.) I'll take ya. (Nods.)
(Cut to on the road.)
So I forgot about the gutters, and drove the hundred-and-ten miles to Jeff's old town. I couldn't say why. All I knew was - the guy asked me, and I couldn't say no.
Hang a right, here.
The funny thing was, his town looked almost exactly the same as mine.
See this park over here? One time, this guy named Tommy Burns drank three six-packs and puked for four hours, straight.
They out to declare it a historical landmark.
Yeah, there was a petition.
(Cut to a diner.)
This town had history...
(Jeff is glancing around anxiously, as Kevin sips.)
It had tradition.
Good soda, yeah?
Yeah!
It had soda. But the fact was, I still had no idea why we were here.
(A girl walks in and pauses. Jeff rises and approaches her.)
Julie...
Jeff...Hi.
Hi. Uh, God - I had to see you. So h-h-how is everything? I mean...(Gestures.)
It's about the same, I mean...well the kids are the same - and the teachers...
Yeah...
How are things at your school?
Well, you know, it's...it's kinda tough when you're the coolest guy there, you know...(Smiles.)
And suddenly I understood why he'd come - to get back something he was losing.
I, uh, finished reading the book of Vonnegut short stories.
Oh, you did? D-d-did you like 'em?
Yeah. I loved the one where the business-man lets the deer go free. It made me cry.
Yeah. Uh, listen, Julie...I-I-I wanted to write you a letter, but-but, uh...I came here, because, uh...
I know...(Nods.)
Uh, I-I couldn't do this any longer.
I know...
I met somebody else.
(Jeff looks down and frowns.)
But-but-but sh-she'll never replace you, you know.
I met someone, too.
Y-Y-You did?
But I think about you all the time.
Me too...God, I hate this.
(He wipes his eyes slowly.)
Yeah, me too.
And I guess that's when I knew. He hadn't come to here to hold on...
I, uh...guess I better get going...
Yeah.
He'd come...to let go.
(Cut to Jeff's old street.)
When you're sixteen, you have no real control over your life. It can be turned upside-down and inside-out in a moment's notice.
Stop here...
What?
Right-right here.
(Kevin pulls over. Two small boys are playing in the yard. Kevin and Jeff get out.)
This is my old house. My dad sold it about a month ago. Hey!
(The boys stop and look.)
You guys happen to see a glove around here? (Gestures.) It's a-a "Brooks Robinson"...
(The boys run toward the house.)
Ya know, the webbing's kinda shot...and, and...
(Jeff smiles at Kevin.)
Hhhh...well, nice try, anyway, huh?
Yeah. (Smiles.)
This was a great house.
Yeah.
Maybe there are times, after all the wisecracks and jokes...when everybody has to come clean.
I think my dad's never coming back.
(The boys return.)
Hey! We found it...
Oh, hey...thanks alot...hey, look, I really appreciate this.
You're welcome.
So where are we going next?
Home.
So...we went home.
*
(In his room, Jeff is puts up a poster, the puts something on his dresser.)
Still, in the world of inconsistency and doubt...
(Jeff reaches in a box and pulls out a framed 5x7 photo of Julie. He looks at the picture, then his wall.)
Maybe home is what you make it.
(Jeff quickly set the picture in an open bueau drawer, and closes it. He picks up a pile of books and walks to the bookshelf.)
Like I said, most suburbs were about the same. Sure, some may have been a little bigger...
(Cut to outside school. Jeff walks up the walkway, joined by Kevin.)
And some may be have been a little greener...
I'll meet ya later.
But basically...
Yeah, sure.
There was only one real difference.
(Jeff approaches Ann.)
How ya doing?
I'm doin' good!
Hey, I was wondering maybe you want to do something Friday night...
Only one of them...was yours.

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(Ep 108 - "Hulk Arnold")

(In the locker room, Kevin is buttoning his shirt as Chuck limps to his locker. Jeff's on the bench, too.)
Hey, sorry, Chuck! I guess you're just havin' a bad day...
Course, I didn't mind gloating a little.
I don't understand it - I did everything right!
Ah, no, when you do everything right - it's the other guy who's sore.
That's very funny. I just wish we'd start softball, again.
(Chuck slams his locker.)
Well, you are showing improvement.
(Chuck shakes his heads and limps away.)
Face it. Some guys had it, some guys didn't. And some guys...
Hey, Kev? Why don't you go out for the wrestling team?
What!? (Frowns.)
Were lazy.
Well, why not? I mean you have this weird natural ability, right?
Hey! (Gestures.) How much time do I want to spend jammed into some guy's armpit?
(Jeff gets up, glances at Kevin, and exits.)
The way I saw it, having a weird natural ability was one thing, but getting serious about it was another.
*
(Cafeteria.)
So how's it going, hay-stacks?
How's what going?
The wrestling, what else?!
Well, it's going...OK, Chuck? (Frowen.)
During the next couple of days, the pressure bagan to build.
A little edgy, aren't we?
It's just that the first meet is coming up. You gonna wrestle that guy, Gurney?
What's a Gurney?
Doug Gurney! This guy took State, last year. The kid's made out of like, titanium, or something!
(Kevin tosses his fork down in exasperation.)
Chuck! (Frowns.)
He's pinned everybody he's faced. He's like, the King Kong of wrestling! I'm definitely going to this match.
I wouldn't miss it.
No, you don't want to do that! I mean, I might not even get to wrestle.
Much less make the team.
Of course you're gonna get a chance to wrestle - you're a natural! Heh, you beat me, didn't you?
Face it, Kev - I mean, you've-you've-you've got a gift. (Gestures.)
Terrific. I was the only non-starter with his own personalized fanclub.
You're gonna be great!
Can't wait to see ya out there.
Thanks.
Yeah.

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(Ep 109 - "Nose")

(Shot of a boy, then a girl, looking at themselves in the mirror.)
In high school, appearances are everything. The way you look. The way you wish you look. Nobody is satisfied. Which is maybe why, throughout the halls and classrooms, we hear the one universal cry.
(Bell rings. Cut to library. Ricky looks worried.)
What's wrong with me?
Ricky Holsenback. When it came to inferiority complexes, he had them all.
Everybody's got a date for the dance but me.
Ah, come on Ricky. Everyone doesn't have a date.
I do.
It's not just the dance. It seems like every guy I know has got a girl.
Oh, come on - that's not true.
Maybe it's my technique. You know, sometimes I walk by couples just to try to listen in on what they're saying - figure out how they're doing it. And ya know, they're not saying anything special. They're just saying stuff like..."pass the pepper". I can say that. So what's wrong with me?
Now, of course, the guy was a friend, so we wanted to be supportive.
Hey, Ricky...ya know, you're gonna find a girl - it just takes time, that's all.
*
(In the cafeteria, Ricky is looking at Hayley.)
Ricky Holsenback...was in love.
Look at her. She's really gorgeous. (Smiles.)
And not just in love. I'm talking deeply, madly, head-over-heels, blind-as-a-bat, in love.
As soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one.
(Jeff approaches and sits down.)
Who's the one?
Her.
(Jeff looks over his shoulder.)
Whoa!
Yeah...she's really something, isn't she?
Yeah - she's uh, definitely hard to forget.
Yeah - I wish I could meet her.
Well, if you like her so much, go and talk to her. (Gestures.)
Well, I mean...what would I say?
How about "pass the pepper"? (Smiles.)
Just say "hi".
Well, you think that'll work?
Go over and see. (Gestures.)
OK. OK - here I go. I'm gonna do it. I'm going.
(Ricky stands slowly.)
And as Ricky boldly ventured forth...we, of course, gave him all the encouragement we could.
Don't spit when you talk.
(The guys look at each other and start to giggle. Ricky approaches Hayley.)
After all, it was kind of a big moment for the guy.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. (Nods.)
But while Ricky was doing his best to be noticed...
They uh, they look good together.
Yeah-yeah...I think they'd make a nice couple.
They seem...right for each other.
We were doing our best not to notice the obvious.
Hey, ya know...it seems she's got a lot on the ball. (Nods.)
Yeah. And she has a...lot on her face.
(The guys laugh.)
Until we did.
Come on guys - we shouldn't be doing this.
Yeah, I guess you're right. We shouldn't be doing this.
They look good together. (Nods.)
Yeah. She's got...great eyes, and great hair...
And a...great sense of smell.
(The guys laugh again.)
*
(In the hallway, Kevin has just promised Winnie he won't make jokes about Hayley's nose.)
After all, did I look like an insensitive cretin?
(Cut to the diner. Kevin, Winnie, Chuck and Jeff are in a booth. Sound of a car horn.)
Can you believe the size of that honker?
(Chuck smiles and Jeff laughs under his breath.)
They were the insensitive cretins.
(Winnie frowns. Chuck looks off.)
Oh, God...
What?
They're walking in here right now.
Yep. Here comes the three of them.
(Jeff and Chuck giggle as Ricky and Hayley approach.)
*
(At the dance, Winnie - in a snit - has just left Kevin to go to the restroom.)
Yep. Romance was definitely, positively, in the air.
(Jeff approaches.)
So - you enjoying yourself?
Yeah.
Pass out the party hats.
(Jeff and Kevin look over their shoulder toward Ricky in the distance.)
Look at him. Well, he does look bad, huh?
Yeah...
(Kevin taps Jeff on the arm, then approaches Ricky.)

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(Ep 111 - "Poker")

(At the poker game in Kevin's living room.)
Alright - I call. Pair of queens. (Gestures.) So let's see 'em.
(Randy tosses his cards onto the table.)
Two twos.
(Chuck sets his cards on the table.)
Nothin' but ace-high.
(Paul sets his cards on the table.)
Two pair. Nines and fours. (Smiles.)
The bi-monthly, Friday-night, high-stakes poker game.
Jeff? (Gestures.)
Junior year...it was ritual.
(Jeff sets his cards down, and smiles at Kevin.)
Three kings.
(The others frown as Jeff holds his hands over the pot.)
Don't worry guys.
(Jeff pulls the coins toward himself.)
It's goin' to a good cause. Me.
*
(Later in the game, Jeff looks at his money and picks up a coin.)
A...quarter.
(Jeff puts the quarter in the pot.)
A quarter? That's kinda steep, isn't it? (Smiles.)
Quarter. (Gestures.)
And despite our different styles...we maintained the easy give-and-take of friendship that I knew would endure well into the future.
(Fade to fantasy. The guys are replaced by images of themselves as old men. Some tuba music plays thoughout.)
Don't put the glass right on the table. (Gestures.) My father'll kill me if he sees a stain.
I'm fairly certain these old chairs of yours are aggravating my prostate.
This hand's an all-time beaut. You should frame it.
OK, then...who needs cards?
Gimme four.
Anyone else?
Three.
Uh, give me two. Uh, uh, no wait, um...better make that three.
Jeff?
None. (Gestures.)
None? (Gestures.) You sure?
I fold.
I fold.
Well, then...guess I'm the lucky winner.
(Fade to reality as Jeff slides the money toward himself.)
Still, we weren't old men yet. We were teenage boys. Innocent. Uncomplicated.
So, is anyone hungry? (Nods.)
Hungry.
(They all look at each other, then stand up.)
Let's go.
(Cut to the kitchen. Chuck flips on the light as the guys enter. Chuck opens a cabinet.)
I got chips...
The eight-o'clock snack break. A chance to mix simple pleasantries with complex carbohydrates and starch.
I can't believe it. Do you guys have any idea what you are putting into your bodies?
What do you mean - this isn't healthy?
(Jeff holds up a Twinkie(?))
I'd hate to see your digestive tract in ten years.
Tell ya what - you don't ask, and I won't offer, alright?
(Paul looks in the refrigerator.)
Kev, don't you have any fruit in this house?
Yeah, it's on the bottom.
No, all I see here is an apple pie.
Right. (Gestures.) Apple's a fruit. (Smiles.)
Forget it. I got an orange in my car. Least I plan ahead. (Exits.)
Boy, he doesn't quit, does he?
What do you mean? (Smiles.)
Well, it's just that he's kinda like, um...how shall I say it? Not fun. (Gestures.)
A major downer. (Nods.)
What are you guys talking about?
Uh, Kev? About the ski-trip over Spring vacation...
Yeah, we're all still goin', right?
See the thing is...(gestures)...we don't think we're gonna have room for Pfeiffer.
What do ya mean? I thought...(gestures)...all of us were goin'.
Well, it's not Paul so much. It's just that, uh...
(Jeff gestures toward Chuck.)
Chuck's car...only-only fits four people.
*
(Back at the game, Chuck puts a coin in the pot.)
Chuck, the bet is a quarter. You threw in a nickel.
(Chuck looks up distractedly.)
Uh...right. Quarter.
By eight-thirty, Chuck Coleman's natural ebullience was fading fast.
So, Chuck - what's wrong with you? (Frowns.)
Nothin'! (Gestures.) I just...have some stuff on my mind.
What kind of stuff?
(Jeff rubs his chest.)
Uh, you know...eh...(gestures)...me and Alice. (Frowns.)
What - are you guys fighting again?
No, it's nothing like that. (Frowns.)
Well, if you're not fighting, what are you two doing?
(Chuck looks off, then frowns and looks down. Music "Piano Concerto No. 1" - Tchaikovsky starts. Kevin pauses then looks at Chuck, as does Jeff.)
There are moments in life that alter history...and change the course of human events.
You didn't...
This was one of them.
(Chuck looks off and smiles, nodding slightly.)
Alright, Chuck!
Way to go, Coleman.
It was a stirring revelation which merited only one response.
You know, I hope you used some kind of protection. (Frowns.)
(Kevin and Chuck smile, then frown as the music grinds down slowly.)
Huh?
I said, I hope you used protection. (Nods.)
Course I did, Pfeiffer. I mean, what kind of stooge do you take me for?
Ask an idiotic question...
(Jeff glances at Paul as he takes a cigar from its package.)
Look - are we gonna play cards or not?
No, I'm out.
Me, too.
Yeah, me too.
*
(Kevin goes outside to talk to Paul about "lightening up". Now, back at the game.)
My guidance counsellor says if I don't pass, I'm not gonna graduate. What do ya say to that?
And of course, there was only one thing to say.
(Jeff sets his cards down.)
Three kings.
(Chuck looks down, shakes his head as he frowns, and starts to cry.)
Of course, some of us were taking the news harder than others.
Chuck, it'll be OK...I still have a chance to pass. (Gestures.) If I apply myself, maybe -
Who cares about you? (Gestures.)
What's the matter, Chuck? (Gestures.) You can't beat three kings? (Chuckles.)
I think Alice is pregnant.
Here, congratulations.
(Jeff leans forward and holds his cigar toward Chuck.)
Have a cigar.
(Chuck frowns and swats Jeff's hand.)
*
(Later, Paul is still spraying air-freshener, and Jeff is still blowing smoke.)
Knock it off, Pfeiffer.
Not till you put that thing out.
*This cigar* is not going out.BR> *
(Kevin has found a playing card under Jeff's shoe.)
You cheated. (Frowns.)
I did not. My fingers were greasy from the potato chips. (Gestures.) I-I-I'm sure a card, ya know, just...shot right outta my hands.
(Jeff puffs his cigar.)
Alright. Alright. (Gestures.) Then ask yourselves this - why would I possibly cheat at cards? (Smiles.)
Well, the way I see it...your motive is greed.
Excuse me, Lieutenant Columbo, maybe I'm just a better card-player than all you guys. (Smiles.)
(He taps his head and looks at Paul.)
You ever think of that?!
*
(Chuck goes to the kitchen in frustration, where Kevin talks to him, and Paul makes a phone call. Now, back at the game.)
I mean, my dad expects me to go to some great college. (Gestures.) I don't know how to tell him I might not even graduate from high school.
(Jeff looks down as he shuffles the cards.)
I would suggest doing it over a nice dessert.
Thanks.
Hey, I'm watching you Billings...(points)...so hang on to your cards this time.
(Paul returns.)
OK. I'm back.
Oh, were you gone?
And so, there we were - five friends playing poker.
(Jeff flips some cards over while dealing.)
Hey. Maybe if you dealt a little slower...my cards wouldn't end up in the cheese puffs. (Frowns.)
Five friends arguing and sniping. Carping, and whining. Taking humbrage at even the pettiest offense.
Yeah, well maybe if you learned how to shuffle, you could deal once in a while, huh?
(Jeff flips over more cards while dealing.)
You call that dealing?
Suffer.
Five friends who couldn't agree on a thing.
Hey. We're out of food.
Except one thing.
Yeah, someone should run out and get more.
So, who wants to go? Kev?
What...(gestures)...leave you guys with all the cards?
Alright, fine. (Gestures.) I'll go.
No way, he'll just go out and get another deck.
Alright, I'll go. (Gestures.) But I'll take the deck of cards with me.
Course, Kev, how do we know...(gestures)...you won't cheat?
Me? (Frowns.)
So, naturally...there was only one solution.
(Cut to a grocery store parkinig lot as Kevin parks his car.)
We did what any five petty-squabbling...distrustful best friends would do.
God, why does it take five guys to go get food?
Because we're hungry. (Gestures.)
Because we're morons.
Hey, who you callin' a moron.
Hey, figure it out, Sherlock.
Hey - you guys maybe quit pickin' on each other?
I'm gonna go get stuff, OK?
No, you go...and you'll come back with twelve pounds of fruit.
Woops.
(Paul looks off.)
Stupid. (Frowns.)
What did you say, Paul? (Frowns.)
Nothing.
No - because I heard you say something. (Nods.)
I didn't say anything.
Well, here's what I say. Maybe you're a moron, but let me tell you something. Stewart and Irene Coleman didn't raise any morons.
No, you deserve all the credit for that, right?
I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Me, too. (Exits.)
*
(In the market, Kevin and Paul argue about the other guys, who now enter.)
Hey, I can't even sit in the car with you morons.
Shut up, Chuck.
(Randy looks at Jeff.)
You know, I wouldn't have be here if it wasn't for your cheating.
Hey, Mr. Mathwhiz, don't you have some studying to do, or something?
Look, shut up about my math already. At least I don't cheat.
Maybe you should - you haven't won a hand in three months.
*
(Back at the game.)
What had begun three hours ago as a simple game among friends...
Three.
Had, by ten-thirty, developed into an all-out grudge-match.
(Jeff sets a card down and taps it.)
One.
I'll take two.
Suddenly, we were no longer boys playing a man's game. We were men. Men at war. Defending our turf. Standing our ground.
Alright. I bet twenty cents.
Thirty.
Thirty-five.
And I'll raise you...fifty.
Fifty-one.
It was time to show no mercy. Take no prisoners. The bets were down.
Pair 'o jacks.
A straight. Almost.
Two pair - jacks and nines.
Three sevens.
It's up to you, Jeff.
(Jeff looks off and rubs his nose.)
And then...
(Jeff looks at Randy, then his cards, then Randy again, then slaps his cards face down on the table and joins his hands.)
I fold. I got nothin'.
You mean, I win?
You win.
I won. (Smiles.) I can't believe it - I won.
At the very brink of disillusionment and despair...Randy Mitchell, the perpetual loser...finally won a hand.


*
(They find out Alice is not pregant. Now, Kevin is on the porch as the guys file out.)
Hey, Jeff. Sorry about that last hand.
Well...(gestures)...he deserved to win one.
(Jeff pats Kevin's shoulder.)
Seeya Monday, man.
Bye. (Smiles.)
(Jeff exits.)
(Faintly): Hey, Coleman...you owe me seven bucks.
(Faintly): I do not.
(Faintly): I want an IOU.
*
(Kevin discovers Jeff had five kings. Paul returned to get his jacket, and he and Kevin patched it up. Now, Paul has just left.)
After all...standing there on the edge of adulthood...we knew that the problems of men were not easily solved. That life was a risk. That growing up...was a gamble. That the time for bluffing, had passed.
(Kevin puts his hand on the light switch and hears old Randy.)
Come on, Paul...let's see what ya got.
(Kevin looks toward the table, where the images of the guys as old men fade in.)
Uh, is this a three, or an eight?
Eight.
After forty years, I should think you could afford a new deck of cards.
Still, ya never knew.
Jeff...what's that under your sleeve?
My cufflink.
Yeah? Well that cufflink better not be able to beat three queens.
Never mind.
With a little luck...
(Present-day Kevin turns off the light and turns toward his room.)
Things just might turn out OK.
So, whatcha got?
I got bupkus.

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(Ep 112 - "The Little Women")

(School Cafeteria. Jeff slaps his SAT results on the table in front on Kevin, Winnie and Randy.)
Five-forty verbal and five-eighty math. Read it and weep.
And speaking of numbers...
Oh, they came?
Yeah!
The SAT scores. For six weeks we had been waiting for the two numbers which would determine the next four years of our lives.
Didn't you check your mailbox?
No.
I did.
Yeah, what did you get? (Smiles.)
Seven-thirty.
Verbal or math?
Combined.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it - you can always come work for me.
Yeah, very funny.

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(Ep 114 - "Summer")

(Kevin, Paul, Chuck and Jeff are in the diner.)
Oh well, so my plans for summer had turned to carpenter's glue. At least I still had my loyal friends.
We're leaving.
What?!
We're driving cross-country. We take off in three days.
You're kidding!
Well, we're going to New York, New Orleans, then San Francisco.
This town is closing in on us. (Gestures.)
Great. (To Paul) I guess it's just me and you this summer.
Yeeeeah, except, uh, I'm going to be busy with advanced summer-school courses.
Oh, oh, yeah, I was gonna do that, too, but I decided to have a life.
Terrific. What am I supposed to do now?
Well...why don't you come with us?
Yeah. What do you say, Kev?
Oh, come on, man...we'll be on the road!
We'll be living by our wits.
Go wherever we want to go.
Do what we want to do.
If we want to wake up in Kansas City -
We'll wake up in Kansas City. Think about it...
(Kevin looks interested.)
And faced with the call of the open road, the song of the highway, the lure of total irresponsibility...
You're dreamin'. Your parents are never gonna let you go.
(Kevin ponders.)
There was really only one reply.
I'm in.
*
(Kevin puts his sleeping bag in the back of Chuck's car.)
And so, three days later, I got up at dawn.
Hey, thanks for letting us use your sleeping bag.
No problem.
To say goodbye to my friends.
Hey! We'll send you a post-card from New Orleans.
You're gonna have a great time.
Nah, come on, it won't be that good.
J&C: Yes it will!
I keep thinkin' were gonna meet these two girls, and they're both gonna fall in love with me.
Hnnn!
Good luck!
We're not eating till St. Louis.
(Kevin looks after Chuck and Jeff, as they wave their outstretched hands.)
Seeya!
(Big car backfire. Chuck honks.)

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11/26/14 20:30