Miss Haycock - Glee Club
(Ep 39 - "Glee Club")
(In Mr. Frace's glee club.)
Face it...we knew where we stood. At the bottom of the heap. And we were smart enough not to seek the limelight.
(Fade to another day in glee club. Kevin, Randy and Paul are talking as they walk across the room.)
Until, that is...
(The venetian blinds are raised. Kevin, Paul, Randy and others look toward the window and squint in the bright light.)
The limelight was thrust upon us.
(Miss Haycock stands at the window, with her hands joined in front of her.)
There. That's better, isn't it? (Smiles.)
(She steps quickly to the piano.)
Who's she? (Frowns.)
(Miss Haycock smoothes her skirt and sits down at the piano. She plays a chord, and smiles at the boys.)
(Singing): My name is Miss Haycock...and if there's anything I want to impress upon you...it's...
(She plays another chord.)
It's...use your diaphragms...(gestures)...always use your diaphragms...
(Joey leans past Paul toward Kevin.)
What she say?
(Miss Haycock plays another chord.)
(Singing): Do you hear how that sounds...(gestures)...full and supported...
(She plays another chord.)
(Singing): If you're doing it right...(gestures)...you'll feel it down here...I'm thrilled to be taking over the eigth-grade boys' glee club...and when we sing, we'll always sing like this...because we're always going to remember to use our -
(She looks at the piano as she plays a little riff, then cups a hand next to her ear and smiles expectantly at the boys. The guys hesitate.)
She was fresh out of teaching-school. She was full of ideas. And, oh yes...the woman was a total lunatic.
(Another day in glee club.)
Put away your songbooks, we won't need them after all. We'll need the entire hour for voice auditions. Who wants to be first?
First? Was she joking?
Only a complete doofus would want to be f-
(Paul raises his hand.)
OK, then. It was time to show Miss Haycock exactly who she was up against. In other words...
(Miss Haycock begins to play the piano.)
It was time to sing.
My country 'tis of thee...
(Cut to Joey singing.)
Sweet land of liberty...
(Cut to Doug singing.)
Of thee I sing...
(Cut to a boy singing.)
Land where our fathers died...
(Cut to Warren looking forward blankly. Miss Haycock prompts him with several notes. He remains silent and twitches his nose. Cut to Kevin singing.)
From every mountainside...(gestures)...let freedom ring.
(Miss Haycock looks slightly stunned.)
There. We'd laid it out for her. Clear as a bell. The folly of it all. The hopelessness. The complete -
Yes! Yes! That's the kind of passion we all need.
I found that very moving. Thank you, Kevin!
(Kevin smiles quickly and shrugs.)
Sure, any time...
(Randy leans over and claps his hand on Kevin's shoulder as some kids giggle.)
Atta way, Caruso.
Any time at all.
(On the bus with Winnie.)
Winnie, the woman's a fruitcake , OK? (Frowns.) In fact...somebody oughta...(shrugs)...lock her up! In fact, somebody oughta -
Kevin...(frowns)...that's not very nice.
What if it were me up there...standing there, scared out of my wits, teaching my first class?
Is that how you'd treat me? (Frowns.)
OK - this was tricky. Very tricky.
Maybe you should think more about things like that, Kevin. (Frowns.)
It was pretty clear I was gonna have to find the moral highground, here.
(Winnie looks off.)
(Cut to another day in glee club.)
(Singing): Fwa...fwa...(gestures)...fwa...to sustain the note we simply let the air flow out gently...
(She lifts her finger and gestures.)
Now, you try. (Smiles.
CLASS (Singing): Fwa...fwa...
Trouble is, our glee club wasn't exactly built for high ground.
CLASS (Singing): Fwa...
We'd been weened on low expectations.
(Joey leans over to Kevin.)
Why's she doing this to us? (Frowns.)
(Warren frowns and bites his fingernails.)
Even Warren Gander was showing signs of strain.
Now, men...I have a surprise for you. (Smiles.)
Great. What was it gonna be now?
(She holds a stack of songbooks, and smiles.)
Today, we're going to begin our first song! (Gestures.) "Stout-hearted Men".
(The guys sag and groan.)
I have copies for all of you.
Alright - that ripped it.
(Miss Haycock smiles as she hands out the songbooks.)
No one, but no one...had ever threatened us with an actual musical arrangement.
And, that's not all...we're going to be singing it next month at the Spring Sing concert!
(She smiles excitedly and shrugs. The guys groan.)
I know, I know...we don't have much time. But as I told Mr. Frace...my boys are up to it. And he agreed!
(She claps her hands together and smiles excitedly.)
And suddenly it was clear. Our reputation was on the line, here. Our tradition. Our bad name.
(Kevin glances off, then raising his hand.)
Do you really think this is a good idea?
Why not? (Frowns.)
Well...I...(frowns)...we...(nods)..just think that...
(Kevin shakes his head and glances off. Some light fantasy music begins. Kevin pauses and looks toward Miss Haycock.)
(Shot of Winnie, wearing Miss Haycock's outfit.)
What if it were me standing up here?
(Kevin looks off, then violently shakes his head. The music ends.)
Kevin? You think what?
That...it would be...fine.
(Kevin shrugs and looks off as the class groans. Miss Haycock smiles excitedly and presses her hands together.)
I knew you'd all feel that way! Think of it. We're starting on a new adventure. (Gestures.) Together. (Smiles.)
And so in a flash, our fate was sealed. The glee club's...Miss Haycock's...and, of course...mine.
(Fade to another day. Miss Haycock begins playing the piano with one hand, and gestures with the other.)
(Singing): Men, men, men...alright basses...
Over the next few weeks, Miss Haycock struggled to bring out our best.
(Singing): Now, tenors...ahhhhhhh!
(Tenors, Singing): Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Which, coincidentally, happened to be our worst.
Splendid! Now remember...(gestures)...diaphragms. (Frowns.) Diaphragms! (Smiles.)
(In the locker room, Joey turns to Kevin.)
Look, you got us into this, Arnold. So you gotta get us out.
(Randy looks at Kevin.)
Talk to her.
She's never gonna listen to me. (Frowns.)
Why not? You're Mr. Passion. You're the only one she will listen to.
Talk to her. Our lives are depending on it.
Easy for them to say. But how do you talk to someone...who can't even hear?
(Cut to glee club. Miss Haycock smiles broadly as she waves one hand back and forth as she plays the piano.)
The fact was, even though we sang harmonies that would make Quasimodo wince...chords not found in nature...
Good! Better! (Nods.)
Nothing detered Miss Haycock. With a wisdom born of weeks of experience...she pushed on, blindly - no! deafly...toward a goal that was obviously beyond our grasp.
(She stands up.)
Let's march in place. Let's try that - come on!
(She starts marching in place and smiles.)
We wanted to believe in her...but it was pretty clear, sooner or later, someone was gonna have to burst this bubble. Someone like...
(Miss Haycock waves her hand back and forth, and the guys reach the crescendo, and end the song unevenly.)
It's now or never, Arnold.
Aw, what the heck...was I a stout-hearted man? Or a craven coward.
(Kevin sighs and raises his hand.)
Yes, Kevin? (Smiles.)
We've been...(nods)...thinking this whole thing over. And...see...(frowns)...we don't really wanna be in the Spring Sing. It's just that...(gestures)...we're not any good. So...maybe we shouldn't do it.
There. Difficult, of course, but...best for everyone concerned.
You...really feel this way? (Nods.) All of you?
(The guys nod and say "uh-huh". Miss Haycock looks forward blankly.)
I see. Well...I had no idea...
And there ya had it. We'd finally gotten through to her. Miss Haycock was coming to her senses. She was going to see reason. She was going...
(She frowns heavily and turns away.)
To cry. Needless to say...we handled it with a certain maturity.
Well, what you do that for, Arnold? (Frowns.)
Me? (Gestures.) You told me to!
Way to go, Kev. (Frowns.)
(Paul looks at Kevin.)
I can't believe you did that.
(Doug looks at Kevin.)
You were supposed to talk to her. (Frowns.) Not make her cry.
(Another day in glee club. Miss Haycock stands in front of the chalkboard, which has "Spring Sing, Tonite!!!!!!" on it, and raises her arms and gestures as the guys sing.)
And when the day had finally arrived...we had gone from horrible...to...
CLASS (Singing): Men.....!
(Miss Haycock smiles as she gestures with both arms. The guys gesture dramatically toward Miss Haycock, and she bows dramatically, then straightens up.)
(She puts her hands together and smiles broadly. The guys look at each other and smile.)
Well, anyway...we were ready.
(Backstage at the Spring Sing, Miss Haycock descends the stairs, holding a small, white, flat box.)
Here they are. My boys. (Smiles.) Come on, everybody. Gather 'round.
(She opens the box.)
I brought something for you. Here. (Smiles.) Pass these out. (Smiles.) Everyone gets one.
(One boy takes the box as others reach into it, taking a black bow-tie.)
Miss Haycock was in her element. Whatever element that was.
I'm so proud of you all. (Sighs.) Ever since I was a little girl...
(Kevin frowns and adjusts his bow-tie.)
No, jeez, don't tell us this. We don't wanna...
I've dreamed of standing up in front of a choir and molding them in song. Tonight will be my very first time. And I have you to thank.
(Snuffy's guitar plays.)
My men. I'll never forget any of you.
The funny thing is, in a way, that turned out to be true.
(She starts down the stairs.)
Let's line up...(Smiles.) We're next!
(She makes her way through the guys, smiling. Snuffy's guitar fades. Cut to the stage as the guys take their places.)
And so, from the murky depths of Mr. Frace's choir room...the eigth-grade boys glee club finally stepped into the light.
(The audience applauds. Miss Haycock stands just behind the stage curtain, then walks out onto the stage. The audience applauds again. She takes her position and turns toward the boys.)
Sure, we had misgivings. But gazing down on Miss Haycock's confident face...
(Miss Haycock looks at the boys as she holds her hand near her stomach and gestures.)
We knew we had nothing to fear.
(She moves her hand near her mouth and gestures in a rolling motion as she mouthes "fwa...".)
She believed in us.
(She gives a small thumbs up sign, nods, and smiles.)
And, of course, we believed...in Warren.
(Miss Haycock looks at the pianist and nods. The pianist nods then begins to play.)
But as I look back on that night...it isn't the anticipation I remember best. And it isn't the faces in the audience...
(Miss Haycock waves both hands back and forth, looking at the guys, then motions forward with one hand. Warren starts to sing.)
(Miss Haycock smiles at Warren, holding her hand out.)
What I remember best...is that Warren Gander's voice chose exactly that moment...
(Miss Haycock looks slightly surprised and pauses. Warren frowns and swallows.)
(The guys look at Warren. Some audience members look at each other. Miss Haycock raises both hands and gestures, then motions toward Warren, and he starts to sing.)
(Warren frowns and swallows, and glances off.)
It was...cruel. Before our very eyes...Warren had transformed from lyric tenor...
(Miss Haycock glances off uncertainly, then looks at Warren and motions.)
(The audience members look at each other and murmur.)
So the rest of us did the only thing we could. We panicked.
(All the guys rustle their songbooks as they look at them. Miss Haycock turns toward the pianist.)
(Whispered): Keep going! (Gestures.)
(The pianist starts to play. Miss Haycock looks at the guys and waves her hands.)
(Whispered): Keep going!
(The guys start to sing unevenly.)
CLASS (Singing): Men, men, men, men...
But the die was cast. Paul sneezed. Which was too much for Doug.
(Doug falls off the back of the riser, nearly taking another boy with him.)
Somebody laughed. And I dropped my music.
(Miss Haycock looks at the guys and waves her hands.)
(Whispered): Keep going!
It was kind of a chain reaction. I'd like to say we rallied...but...we didn't.
(Miss Haycock looks at the guys and waving her hands, nearly in tears. Fade to "later".)
It was no one's fault, really.
(The guys reach the crescendo as Miss Haycock raises her arms and makes the final gesture. She looks at the guys, slightly stunned.)
I guess we'd just been pushed beyond our limits. We we're a bunch of eigth-grade boys. Not an ensemble of stout-hearted men.
(Miss Haycock holds her hands up, looking at the guys, slightly stunned, then lowers her arms and breathing heavily. The audience starts to applaud.)
As for Miss Haycock...
(She turns toward the audience.)
She'd dreamed of molding us into something we weren't.
(She turns away and exits.)
But that night...
(The guys extend their arms toward Miss Haycock and Paul sneezes.)
She got her wake-up call.
(The camera pans to the side of the stage. Sound of adult men singing "Stout-hearted Men".)
The only problem was...she wasn't there to answer it. We never found out where Miss Haycock disappeared to, although some said she'd gone back to college. Still, I like to think that - where ever she is...there's a warm spot in her heart for the eight-grade boys' glee club. After all, we'd learned from her, and in a way...she'd learned from us. We'd learned together.
(Fade to Mr. Frace's glee class. Mr. Frace looks out the window, as the boys reach the crescendo.)
CLASS (Singing): Men.....!
Or so I like to tell myself.
(Mr. Frace frowns and snaps the blinds closed. Fade to black. Sound of Paul sneezing.)
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