Episode 64 - "Separate Rooms"
OPENING SEQUENCE
(Home movie clips. Shot of a tree-top which is backlit by the sun. The camera pans down quickly to Wayne and Kevin, ages 7 and 4-ish, on the swing-set in the Arnold backyard. Wayne wears a red hat.)
I guess you could say I had a pretty uncomplicated childhood.
(Wayne runs behind Kevie and pushes him onto the ground.)
With one exception.
(Jack approaches and picks up Kevie.)
My brother, Wayne.
(Wayne waves at the camera, and Jack picks him up under his other arm.)
(Clip of Norma leaning down toward Wayne and Kevin. They turn toward the camera and wave as they eat ice-cream cones.)
From the moment we first laid eyes in each other, we had an instinctive, natural, bond.
(Wayne swats Kevie's hand, causing Kevin to drop his ice-cream.)
(Clip of Wayne holding Kevie down and pounding on his shoulder with his fist. Jack hurries over.)
It was kind of touching, really.
(Jack picks up Wayne and tucks him under one arm, then reaches for Kevie, pulling him up by the front of his overalls.)
(Clip of Jack carrying the kids through the living room. The camera follows him.)
So to insure that bond would flourish and grow...
(Jack turns the corner into the boys' room.)
My parents provided us with something. Something to keep us together...
(Jack tosses Kevie onto his bed.)
Through thick and thin.
(Jack tosses Wayne onto his bed, then points at Wayne, then Kevie.)
A room.
(Jack walks toward the camera, shaking his head and frowning, as he gestures toward the kids.)
Our room.
(Jack passes the camera.)
(Fade to clip of Kevie as he holds up an umbrella and waves at the camera as he stands on the desk in his room. The camera pulls, revealing Wayne, who waves at the camera.)
(Clip of bed sheets being pulled back quickly, revealing Wayne and Kevin sitting on the bed holding flashlights. They smile at the camera.)
The thing is, we actually had some pretty good times there.
(Clip of Wayne and Kevie wearing boxing gloves and swinging at each other.)
(Clip of Wayne and Kevin jumping up and down on Kevie's bed.)
But looking back now, when I think of that room...
(Clip of Wayne and Kevie on Wayne's bed, fighting.)
What I remember is how big it seemed when we were little.
KEVIN (V/O): Wayne!
Fade to
Int. Day - Kevin and Wayne's Room
(Nearly identical shot of Wayne and Kevin on Wayne's bed, fighting.)
And how little it seemed when we got big.
WAYNE: Sorry, scrote.
(The camera moves in slightly.)
KEVIN: Get off, butthead!
WAYNE: "Butthead...sir".
KEVIN: Wayne!
By nineteen-seventy-one...
(Kevin pushes Wayne backward and they fall onto Kevin's bed.)
Our room was beginning to seem about the size of a postage stamp.
KEVIN: Please?
(Wayne puts a scissors-lock around Kevin's chest.)
WAYNE: Say "pretty please"...
KEVIN: Idiot.
WAYNE: Get off!
JACK (V/O): Eh!
(Shot of Jack in the doorway, holding the ends of his untied tie.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as they sit up and look at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack in the doorway, holding his untied tie.)
JACK: What's goin' on here? (Frowns.)
(Shot past Jack of Kevin and Wayne looking at each other, then Jack.)
K & W: Nuthin'.
(Kevin gestures and shakes his head.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: Try and get along, will ya? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne and Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)
WAYNE: Right, Dad. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Jack frowning and looking at them off-screen as he exits.)
But it wasn't that simple.
(Wider shot of Wayne and Kevin. Wayne reaches for a sock, then holds the back of Kevin's head and rubs the sock in his face.)
WAYNE: Dork! (Frowns.)
(Wayne tosses the sock at Kevin.)
KEVIN: Buffoon!
(Kevin tosses the sock toward Wayne. Wayne stands up.)
After fourteen years of living cheek-to-jowl...
(Kevin stands up and walks around the bed.)
Wayne and I were drowning in a rising tide of...
(Kevin starts to adjust the sheets and blanket as Wayne faces him and puts on his belt..)
Old comic books, smelly sweat socks, and petty disputes.
(Kevin picks up an album.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
WAYNE: Hey! That's mine! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: No, it's not! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
WAYNE: Gimme that!
(Wayne reaches for the album.)
(Wider shot as they struggle for the album, which falls onto the bed. They start fighting again.)
KEVIN: No. No.
(Jack appears at the doorway.)
JACK: Boys?!
(Wayne sits on the bed and they pause, then look at Jack.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen, then frowning.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)
K & W: Right, Dad. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen, then frowning as he backs away and turns.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin as Wayne holds Kevin's head up by his hair.)
WAYNE: Don't touch my stuff.
(Wayne pushes Kevin down.)
The thing is...
(They stand up.)
It wasn't our fault.
(Wayne resumes putting on his belt as Kevin picks up his shoes off the bed.)
We were just two guys, tryin' to get by.
(They approach the camera side-by-side.)
Tryin' to get...
(They bump each other and get stuck in the doorway.)
Out.
WAYNE: Watch it! (Frowns.)
(Wayne elbows Kevin backward.)
KEVIN: You watch it! (Frowns.)
(Wayne walks forward.)
(Shot across Karen's bed of the boys as they pause in the hallway and look into her room.)
Not that there wasn't a solution.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of...)
Karen's room.
(Close shot of the guys looking in. Wayne nods slightly.)
One hundred fifty square feet of prime, unoccupied, real estate.
(Kevin looks at Wayne.)
Right next door to where we lived.
(Norma approaches behind them and squeezes past them toward the camera.)
NORMA: Excuse me. (Smiles.)
Just one little hitch.
(Norma passes the camera.)
WAYNE: Mom, what are you doing?
(Shot of Norma at Karen's bed as she turns toward the boys off-screen.)
NORMA: Just...straightening up. (Smiles.)
(She turns toward the bed, and starts to pull the covers back.)
(Shot past Norma of the boys in the background. Wayne looks at Kevin.)
WAYNE: It isn't fair.
(Close shot of Norma looking over her shoulder toward the boys off-screen.)
NORMA: What, honey?
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Norma off-screen.)
WAYNE: Karen's at college. I mean, she's never here. How come...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
WAYNE (V/O): She gets her own room?
(Kevin looks at Norma off-screen.)
KEVIN: Yeah. What about us?
(Shot of Norma looking at them off-screen as she fluffs out the sheets.)
But if we were lookin' for even-handed justice...
(Norma looks down as she smoothes out the sheets.)
We were barkin' up the wrong mom.
(She glances at the boys off-screen.)
NORMA: Now, don't be silly.
(She looks down again as she spreads out a sheet.)
NORMA: You have a room...
(She looks toward the boys off-screen.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at her off-screen.)
NORMA (V/O): That's the way it's always been...
(Close shot of Norma looking at them off-screen.)
NORMA: One room for the boys...
(She looks down.)
NORMA: And one...
(She glances at the headboard, then the boys off-screen.)
NORMA: For the girls. (Smiles.)
(Shot past Norma of the boys as she fluffs a sheet out in front of her.)
And there ya had it.
Cut to
Int. Morning - Arnold Kitchen
(Shot across the table of Kevin looking at Wayne, who is stirring his cereal.)
By accident of birth...we'd been doomed.
(Wayne lifts the bowl to his mouth and starts to slurp the milk.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at his newspaper, then glancing toward Wayne off-screen, looking him up and down.)
(Wide shot from the kitchen of Norma at the stove as she pours coffee, and the guys in the background.)
KEVIN: Do ya have to do that?
(Wayne looks at Kevin.)
WAYNE: Do what?
(Close shot of Norma looking toward Wayne off-screen and frowning slightly, then looking at her cup as she pours the coffee.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne as Wayne slurps from the bowl again.)
KEVIN: That.
(Wayne frowns at Kevin.)
WAYNE: Hey, if you don't like it...(nods directionally)...then leave. (Frowns.)
KEVIN: Alright, I will.
(Kevin wipes his mouth with a napkin.)
(Shot past Norma of the guys as Kevin sets his napkin down, stands up, and approaches the camera.)
But, no matter how we tried to get away from each other...
(Norma looks down and turns slightly with Kevin as he passes her.)
Something kept drawing us back.
NORMA: Kevin?
(Kevin pauses and looks over his shoulder.)
NORMA: Are those Wayne's socks you're wearing?
(Shot of Kevin looking down.)
(Close shot of Wayne as he laughs and shakes his head slightly.)
NORMA (V/O): Ya know...
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Now that I think of it - I may have mixed up your bureau drawers yesterday.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen, slightly worried.)
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
NORMA: Did you boys notice whose underwear you put on this morning? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne lowering his bowl slowly as the "music of doom" plays.)
(Shot of Kevin looking down quickly. The camera moves in quickly on his surprised face as he looks toward Norma off-screen.)
DOUG (V/O): You wore his underwear?
Cut to
Ext. Day - Sidewalk
(Shot of Doug, Kevin and Paul walking toward the camera, which rolls back.)
DOUG: Ewww!
KEVIN: Look, just...don't remind me about it, OK?
DOUG: Man! I think I'd kill myself!
PAUL: Come on, guys - cut it out. I mean, it's not that bad.
DOUG: Oh, yeah? What could be worse?
PAUL: Well, lemme see...
(Kevin gestures as he looks over his shoulder.)
KEVIN: Paul, just drop it, OK? (Frowns.)
(Kevin speeds up slightly.)
PAUL: Sure. Just, he is your brother. (Gestures.) You're lucky to have one.
Easy for Paul to say.
(Kevin pauses and turns toward Paul.)
He didn't have a brother.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Paul. Trust me. I can't get away from him - he's driving me crazy!
(Shot past Kevin of Paul glancing off and nodding, then looking at him.)
PAUL: Sure...but what about the good things?
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
PAUL: The comraderie, the easy give-and-take...
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: The heartfelt respect.
(Shot past Paul of Kevin glancing off. He frowns at Paul as Wayne pulls up behind them in his car. Kevin looks over his shoulder at Wayne.)
WAYNE: Hey! Butthead! (Points.) Don't touch my stuff!
(Shot past Wayne of the guys as Wayne drives off.)
(Shot of Kevin turning toward Paul off-screen.)
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: I still say you're lucky.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)
PAUL (V/O): Having someone to talk to...
(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)
PAUL: Someone there to share your dreams...
(Paul looks off and frowns slightly.)
PAUL: Someone sleeping next to you at night.
Cut
Int. Night - Kevin and Wayne's Room
(Shot of Wayne asleep in bed as he snores.)
(Shot of Kevin tossing in bed, then frowning.)
KEVIN: Wayne...
(Kevin looks toward Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Shot of Wayne asleep in bed as he snores.)
KEVIN (V/O): Wayne!
(Wayne stirs awake.)
WAYNE: What?
(Shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Shut up, will ya? (Frowns.)
(Shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: No, you shut up. (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: No. You shut up. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne as they look at each other. The camera pulls back slowly past the window.)
WAYNE: You shut up.
KEVIN: You shut up.
WAYNE: You shut up.
KEVIN: You shut up.
WAYNE: You shut up.
KEVIN: You shut up.
Paul's theories aside...
WAYNE: Why'd you wake me up?
It was pretty clear Wayne and I had reached the point-of-no-return.
(Wayne hits Kevin with a pillow.)
WAYNE: I don't snore.
(Wayne hits Kevin again with the pillow.)
KEVIN: Yes, you do. ****I am living proof!****
(Wayne hits Kevin again with the pillow.)
WAYNE: No, I don't.
It was time for a change.
(Kevin swings his pillow at Wayne.)
The only question was...how. And when.
WAYNE: Now, shut up!
(Wayne repeatedly hits Kevin with his pillow.)
Cut to
Int. - Arnold Dining Room
(Shot past Karen eating, of Norma looking at her.)
NORMA: More potatoes, honey? (Smiles.)
(Karen puts a forkful of corn in her mouth.)
KAREN: Hnnnn.
(Karen puts another forkful of corn in her mouth.)
KAREN: Thanks, Mom.
(Karen lifts her plate as Norma spoons some potatoes onto it. The camera pulls back slowly to include Jack, Wayne and Kevin.)
My sister, Karen, was home from college. Which could only mean one of three things.
JACK: So...how's school?
KAREN: Great, Dad. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Karen off-screen. He nods slightly as he chews.)
JACK: Grades? (Gestures.)
(Close shot of Karen looking up, then down as she gestures with her fork.)
KAREN: OK, I think.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Karen off-screen.)
Leaving only...
(He nods slightly, then frowns and sighs.)
JACK: Money?
(Close shot of Karen looking down, then at the lettuce on her fork.)
KAREN: Well, that's what I want to talk to you about.
(She looks at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack looking off slightly.)
Here it came...
(Jack stops chewing and looks at Norma off-screen.)
(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)
(Shot of Jack looking off slightly.)
The mid-semester bite. The freshman pinch.
JACK: How much?
(Close shot of Karen looking at Jack off-screen.)
KAREN: Nothing. (Smiles.) I got a job.
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin. Wayne chokes on his milk, and Kevin looks mildly surprised.)
(Close shot of Karen smiling toward Jack off-screen, then looking toward Wayne off-screen.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin looking at Karen off-screen.)
WAYNE: A job? (Frowns.)
KEVIN: You're kidding.
(Close shot of Jack looking at Karen off-screen.)
JACK: Job? (Nods.)
(Close shot of Karen turning toward Jack off-screen.)
KAREN: Yes, Dad - a job.
(Shot of Norma frowning slightly at Jack off-screen, then looking at Karen off-screen.)
NORMA: Well, that's nice, honey. (Smiles.) What kind of a job?
(Close shot of Karen looking at her plate.)
KAREN: At the co-op.
(She looks at Norma off-screen.)
KAREN: On campus for the summertime.
(She puts a forkful of green beans in her mouth.)
(Close shot of Norma frowning at Karen off-screen.)
NORMA: But I thought you were...coming home this summer.
(Close shot of Karen looking off slightly.)
KAREN: Nope.
(She shakes her head and smiles briefly, then looks at Jack off-screen.)
KAREN: I'm gonna be living up there. (Nods.)
(Close shot of Norma frowning slightly at Jack off-screen. Some twangs of guitar play.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at Norma off-screen, then smirking slightly and looking toward Karen off-screen.)
(Shot of Wayne and Kevin. They look at each other as the camera moves in. The frame freezes.)
Now, let's take moment to consider what just happened here.
(Shot of Karen looking down as she eats.)
My sister had told her family...
(She looks at Jack off-screen.)
She wouldn't be home for the summer.
(Still shot of Jack holding his fork and frowning at Norma off-screen.)
To my parents, that meant losing their eldest child.
(Still shot of Norma frowning slightly at Jack off-screen.)
Their only girl. Their flesh-and-blood.
(Still shot past Jack of Wayne and Kevin looking at each other. Kevin is smiling slightly.)
But, to Wayne and me, it meant something much more immense.
(Wayne and Kevin turn toward Jack.)
K & W: Can we have her room?
Cut to
Ext. Evening - Arnold Porch
(Shot of Jack frowning as he slams the door closed. The camera pulls back to reveal Wayne and Kevin standing on the porch.)
Hmmmm. Musta been something we said.
(Kevin and Wayne frown and look off, then turn and run off.)
Cut to
Arnold Backyard
(Wide shot of the backyard as Kevin and Wayne run around the corner of the house toward the camera. The camera pans with them as they turn another corner and run up to the kitchen window and look in. Wayne points.)
WAYNE: There they are.
(Shot from Kevin's perspective through the venetian blind of Jack and Norma facing Karen.)
JACK: What do you mean, you're not coming home? (Gestures.)
KAREN: Look, Daddy...(Gestures.)
You could tell Karen was fighting for her freedom.
(Jack gestures and turns away.)
(Shot through the window of Kevin and Wayne looking in.)
But there was more than just her freedom at stake, here.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne in profile at the window looking in.)
KEVIN: Man, I hope they'll let her go. (Frowns.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective through the venetian blind of Jack, Norma and Karen. Jack looks toward them off-screen.)
KAREN: Mom, we do have to discuss...
(Shot through the window of Kevin and Wayne looking in. They smile self-consciously.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Jack frowns, then approaches the window. He glances at the rope, then pulls the blinds closed.)
Cut to
Later
(Wide shot of Kevin and Wayne seated on the swing-set. Kevin holds his feet off the ground, and swings back and forth slightly.)
So, for the next hour...while our future hung in the balance...we waited.
(Closer shot past Kevin of Wayne looking off.)
WAYNE: They gotta let her go.
(He frowns and shakes his head slightly.)
Cut to
Later
(High wide shot of Kevin and Wayne standing about twenty feet apart, playing catch. Kevin tosses the ball to Wayne.)
Kinda like...expectant fathers.
(Wayne tosses the ball to Kevin.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Think they're gonna let 'er go?
(Kevin catches the ball, then throws it back.)
Cut to
The Driveway
(Shot up the driveway of Kevin and Wayne playing basketball. Wayne dribbles the ball and shoots a lay-up. Kevin gets the ball and dribbles.)
The funny thing is, we actually had...fun.
(Kevin shoots a short jumper.)
Hanging out...
(Shot past the rim of Wayne and Kevin looking at the ball as it goes in.)
Being together.
(Shot of both as Kevin grabs the ball and they look at each other.)
WAYNE: I'm gonna get some soda - ya want some?
(They turn toward the camera, then pause.)
(Shot of the kitchen doorway as Karen backs out of it, then turns and looks down.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at her off-screen.)
WAYNE: Ah, no...
(Shot of Karen leaning back against the house with her arms crossed. She looks toward the boys off-screen.)
It was pretty clear what had happened.
(She sighs slightly.)
KAREN: Well, guys...I'm outta here.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at each other, then Karen off-screen.)
(Closer shot of Karen looking at them off-screen and shrugging.)
KAREN: Looks like the room is yours.
(She starts to walk off.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at each other. They smile and Kevin raises his fist in celebration. Wayne makes a fist.)
WAYNE: Yes!
(Kevin hops up and down.)
KEVIN: Yes!
(Slow-motion wide shot up the driveway as Kevin tosses the ball backward toward the hoop.)
(Slow-motion shot past the basket of the boys as the ball goes in. They smile at each other and "high five".)
WAYNE: Yes!
KEVIN: Yes!
(They smile and hop up and down, holding each others arms. Some Snuffy guitar plays.)
WAYNE: Oh, yes! Yes!
Fade to
Ext. Day - Arnold Front Yard
(Shot past a VW Beetle in the driveway of Jack and Norma on the porch. Jack has his elbow up against the post as they watch the car back up.)
So, the next day, while Mom and Dad were...
(Shot of the car in the street as it start to pull forward. Karen waves from the passenger seat.)
Bidding goodbye to Karen's summers at home...
Cut to
Int. Day - Kevin and Wayne's Room
(Shot through the doorway of Wayne and Kevin as they approach from the living room, smiling excitedly.)
WAYNE: Yes!
(The camera pans with them.)
WAYNE: Yes!
(Kevin dives onto his bed and rolls onto his back. Wayne is lying on his bed.)
KEVIN: Yes!
Wayne and I were saying farewell to an era.
(They relax, and sigh.)
It was almost...poignant.
(Wayne looks at Kevin.)
WAYNE: Nice knowing you.
(Kevin looks at Wayne.)
KEVIN: Yeah.
(Kevin sits up.)
KEVIN: You, too.
(Wayne starts to sit up.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him, then sighing.)
WAYNE: Well...(Shrugs.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
The time had come. There was nothing left...
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
To say, but...
WAYNE: Seeya, butthead.
(Wayne holds out his hand.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin as they shake hands. Kevin smiles.)
KEVIN: Seeya.
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne smiling at him as they shake hands.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin smiling as they shake hands.)
Just...one little detail.
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne smiling at him as they shake hands.)
WAYNE: So when you leavin'?
(Closer shot past Wayne of Kevin smiling as they shake hands.)
KEVIN: Me? (Smiles.) No, I'm not leavin'...
(He shakes his head slightly.)
(Closer shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him as they shake hands.)
WAYNE: What?
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him as they shake hands.)
KEVIN: I thought you were leaving. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
WAYNE: No. (Gestures.) No, I'm staying right here - you're leaving.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: I don't think so. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne frowning slightly at him.)
WAYNE: No.
(He shakes his head slightly.)
WAYNE: No. No, see...(gestures)...this is my room.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Wrong! (Frowns.) This is my room. (Points.) That's your room.
(Wider shot from behind Wayne as he turns and looks toward the door.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking toward Kevin and frowning in thought. The camera moves in slowly.)
And that's when the full horror of what was transpiring hit us.
(Wayne frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, slightly surprised. The camera moves in slightly.)
After more than a decade of strife...it had come down to this.
(Kevin frowns slightly and starts to stand up.)
We'd clawed our way to...
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne as they rise simultaneously.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
The very brink of freedom. From each other.
(Closer shot past Kevin of Wayne frowning at him, then pushing him.)
And, now...
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
(Wider shot of both as Kevin pushes Wayne.)
WAYNE: Butthead!
(They fall onto Kevin's bed.)
KEVIN: Idiot!
Suddenly...
(High shot of them fighting.)
KEVIN: Stop it, you stupid jerk!
We were going nowhere.
KEVIN: It's my room!
WAYNE: I'm gonna kill you.
(They slide onto the floor.)
KEVIN: Ahhh!
Fade to
Later
(Shot from behind Kevin sitting on his bed, facing Wayne who sets a box of games and miscellaneous stuff on his bed.)
WAYNE: OK. Move out...(gestures)...you can have anything on this bed.
And so...
(Wayne puts his hands on his hips and smiles, then hurriedly picks up the basketball.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
Negotiations began.
KEVIN: I don't want anything on this bed. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
WAYNE: What?
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: It's all junk.
(Kevin looks over his shoulder and gestures.)
KEVIN: Why don't ya take somethin' of mine?
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: You must be joking. (Nods.)
(Wayne sets the ball down.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Alright, fine. (Gestures.) Suit yourself.
(Close shot of Wayne pacing, then looking at Kevin off-screen and gesturing.)
WAYNE: I'll drive you to school every day.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: In your car?
(Close shot of Wayne making fists in front of himself.)
WAYNE: Ahhhhh. (Frowns.)
(Wayne paces one direction.)
Apparently...
(Wayne frowns and turns the other direction.)
Our negotiational skills left something to be desired.
(Wayne pauses, looks toward Kevin off-screen, and points at him.)
WAYNE: I'll pay you ten bucks.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: No!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Twenty. (Frowns.)
KEVIN (V/O): No!
(Wayne straightens up slightly and gestures.)
WAYNE: A thousand.
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen. He shrugs slightly and gestures.)
WAYNE: A hundred.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen and shaking his head.)
KEVIN: Look, Wayne. (Frowns.) This isn't about money, OK?
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen as he picks up the basketball.)
Whatever it was about, this was too important...
(Close shot of Kevin frowning at Wayne off-screen.)
To be left to mere dollars and cents.
Cut to
Int. Day - Dining Room
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne facing each other at the table, shaking their fists in unison in front of themselves.)
WAYNE: One, two, three, shoot!
(Wayne extends two fingers, and Kevin extends one.)
So, we left it up to...
(Wayns smiles.)
Blind luck.
(Close shot of Wayne smiling at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Odds. Mine. One, zip.
(Wayne smiles and raises his eyebrows.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
What the heck. At least this would settle it.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne facing each other at the table, shaking their fists in unison in front of themselves.)
One way or the other.
WAYNE: Shoot!
(They both extend two fingers.)
KEVIN: Evens. One, up.
(Close shot of Wayne looking down and frowning.)
Heh-heh.
(Shot of Kevin as he shakes his fist.)
WAYNE (V/O): Shoot!
(Close shot of their hands as they each extend one finger.)
(Close shot of Kevin as he tilts his head back.)
KEVIN: Yes! Yes!
(Kevin looks toward Wayne off-screen and laughs.)
There it was.
(Close shot of Wayne frowning at Kevin off-screen.)
An indisputable victory.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: I win.
(Shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: I don't know what you're talkin' about.
(Close shot of Kevin smiling at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: I win.
(He gestures toward himself.)
KEVIN: Two-outta-three. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: It's the best three-out-of-five. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: No, it's not. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Yes, it is. (Smiles.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: It's two-out-of-three. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Three-out-of-five. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Two-out-of-three!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Three-out-of-five.
(Shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen and gesturing toward him.)
KEVIN: Wayne - that's cheating.
WAYNE (V/O): Fine.
(Shot of Wayne standing up as he looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: You don't want to play fair? (Smiles.) Then we'll just forget the whole thing. (Nods.)
(Wayne turns and walks off.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen and sighing slightly, then glancing off, then at Wayne again.)
Cut to
Int. Evening - Living Room
(Shot past Wayne of the TV, which shows a movie of a man near an office window which has "John Lovo, Private" written on it.)
The thing is, I wasn't sure myself why Wayne and I couldn't agree...
(Shot of Norma in a chair looking at the TV off-screen.)
On the one thing...
(Close shot of Jack looking toward Norma off-screen.)
We both wanted so much.
(Jack looks forward.)
JACK: So, uh...who's movin' into Karen's room?
(Jack looks toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne. The focus changes to Kevin on the couch in the background as they point toward each other.)
K & W: He is.
(Shot of Wayne and the TV. The man in the movie breaks the window with his fist, then quickly looks over his shoulder.)
All I knew was...
(Wayne looks over his shoulder slowly toward Kevin off-screen.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
Neither one of us...
(Wayne turns toward the TV, smiling slightly.)
Was backing down.
Cut to
Cafeteria
(Shot of Paul and Kevin approaching the camera with their trays. Doug follows behind.)
PAUL: I don't get it. What's the big deal? It's just a room.
KEVIN: Look, Paul - it's not that simple. (Gestures.) There are principles at stake, here!
(Kevin sets his tray on the table.)
PAUL: What principles?
(Paul and Doug walk to the other side of the table, and Paul sits down. Doug walks past him.)
KEVIN: Well...(gestures)...it's my room! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul and Doug as Kevin sits down.)
PAUL: True.
(Doug sits next to Paul. Paul holds up a finger.)
PAUL: But it's his room, too, right?
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
PAUL: And he is older, which gives him seniority.
KEVIN: Oh, OK. (Nods.) Take his side. (Gestures.)
(Shot past Kevin of Paul looking at him.)
PAUL: Well, sorry. But you did say...
(Kevin shakes his head.)
(Shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Well, just forget I said anything. (Frowns.) OK? (Nods.)
(Shot of all three as Doug looks at Paul.)
DOUG: Maybe he's just afraid to be alone.
(He looks at Kevin.)
KEVIN: What?
(Doug looks at Paul.)
DOUG: Or maybe he's afraid of the dark.
(Doug looks at Kevin and raises his eyebrows as he shakes his head.)
DOUG: "Oooooh, ooooh..."
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Doug off-screen.)
KEVIN: Very funny. (Smirks.)
DOUG (V/O): Hey, everybody...
(Close shot of Doug looking at Kevin off-screen.)
DOUG: Kevin Arnold's afraid of the dark. "Oooohhh..."
(Doug makes a face, and other students giggle.)
(Shot of all three as Kevin looks over his shoulder.)
KEVIN: I am not! (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Doug off-screen.)
Cut to
Int. Night - Arnold Bathroom
(Shot through the doorway of Kevin standing at the sink, looking at himself in the mirror as he takes a sip of water.)
So much for the council of trusted friends.
(He leans forward and spits the water into the sink.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as he brushes his teeth. He is reflected in the 3-way mirror.)
Still, that night, a thought occurred to me...
(Kevin pauses. The camera moves in slowly. Sound of dripping water.)
That sent chills down my spine. Something more terrifying than ghosts and goblins.
(Kevin looks down quickly, then at his reflection and frowns.)
Was it possible - just possible - that I was actually going to miss my brother?
(Kevin starts to turn his head toward the door.)
(Shot through the doorway as Kevin looks toward it.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the hallway and the closed door to his room.)
(Close shot from behind Kevin as he turns forward and looks in the mirror. He pauses, and the sound of dripping water stops.)
KEVIN: Nah...
(He frowns heavily and shakes his head.)
I had to shake this off.
(He frowns and starts to walk toward the door.)
(Shot of Kevin walking through the doorway and approaching the camera.)
It was time to work this out. Time to unlock doors.
(Kevin pauses close to the camera.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as he jiggles the doorknob.)
(Kevin pushes on the door.)
(Close shot of Kevin frowning and looking toward the door.)
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Kevin looks down.)
(Shot of Kevin at the door as Wayne opens it.)
WAYNE: Come in! (Smiles.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him. Wayne smiles as he puts his arm around Kevin's shoulder, as Kevin steps forward. Kevin pauses and looks down.)
KEVIN: What is this? (Frowns.)
(Close shot of the carpet, which has parallel strips of masking tape on it. The camera pans up the tape, accompanied by Doppler sound effects. The camera pans up Wayne and Kevin.)
WAYNE: This? (Points.) Well, let's just think of this as...
(Wayne looks at Kevin and squeezes him.)
WAYNE: Traffic control.
KEVIN: Meaning what? (Frowns.)
(Wider shot of both.)
WAYNE: Meaning if you insist on coming into my room...(points)...you will obey the traffic regulations.
(Close shot past Wayne of Kevin.)
WAYNE: You will stay in authorized lanes at all times, otherwise...
(They look at each other. Kevin frowns.)
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him and making a fist.)
WAYNE: There's a penalty. (Frowns.)
(Close shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Wayne...
(Kevin frowns heavily and shakes Wayne's hand off his shoulder.)
KEVIN: You're crazy - you know that?
(Wider shot of both. Wayne looks at Kevin's feet.)
WAYNE: Oops. Over the line.
(Wayne punches Kevin on the shoulder.)
WAYNE: Sorry.
(Kevin frowns, then walks toward his bed. Wayne grabs his arm.)
WAYNE: Out of bounds. (Nods.) Penalty.
(Wayne punches Kevin on the shoulder again.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: Wayne...(frowns)...I'm warning you...
(Shot of them face-to-face.)
WAYNE: Too much time in the red-zone.
(Wayne draws his fist back. Kevin turns away. Wayne punches him with his left hand.)
KEVIN: That's it.
(Kevin grabs Wayne.)
(Shot of the floor as they fall onto it, fighting.)
KEVIN: Idiot! I'm gonna kill you.
WAYNE: Get off me!
KEVIN: Eat it!
WAYNE: You punk!
(Wider shot of them wrestling on the floor.)
WAYNE: Scrote!
(Jack emerges from his bedroom as he puts on his robe, and approaches the boys' room, pausing in the doorway.)
JACK: The hell's goin' on here?! (Frowns.)
(Shot past Jack of Kevin and Wayne sitting up and looking at him.)
(Closer shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: It's about that damn room, isn't it?
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)
KEVIN: Look, Dad -
JACK (V/O): Fine.
(Shot of Jack pointing at them off-screen.)
JACK: You can't make a decision...
(Jack points to himself.)
JACK: I'll make it for ya.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at each other, then Jack off-screen.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: Nobody gets it. (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)
WAYNE: But, Dad...(Frowns.)
JACK (V/O): You heard me.
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: Nobody. (Frowns.) I'll turn it into a den.
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne looking at Jack off-screen.)
WAYNE: Uh, but, Dad...(Frowns.)
JACK (V/O): And I don't want to hear another word about it.
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: You've been bickering long enough. (Frowns.) Am I understood? (Nods.)
(Shot of Kevin and Wayne. Wayne looks down.)
(Close shot of Jack looking at them off-screen.)
JACK: Good. (Frowns.)
(Jack starts to back away, then glances at the door off-screen.)
(Wide shot of all as Jack pulls the door closed quickly.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
We sat there, stunned...
(Close shot of Wayne looking toward the door off-screen and frowning.)
By one horrible irony. In struggling to get apart...
(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)
We'd locked ourselves together...once again.
WAYNE (V/O): That's it.
(Wayne rises past the camera. Kevin looks after him off-screen.)
KEVIN: Where are you going? (Frowns.)
(Wide shot of Kevin and Wayne as Wayne reaches into the closet, yanks a sleeping bag out, and opens the door.)
(Shot of Wayne passing the camera as Kevin looks at him in the background.)
KEVIN: Wayne! (Gestures.)
(Kevin grabs his shoes and hurries after Wayne past the camera.)
Cut to
Ext. Night - Arnold Front Yard
(Shot of the porch as Wayne exits and hops through the hedge.)
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Wayne pulls the sleeping bag after him over the hedge, then hurries past the camera.)
WAYNE: Uh! Beat it!
(Kevin squeezes through the hedge, then hops on one foot as he puts on a shoe.)
KEVIN: Wait - wait up!
(He reaches for the other shoe and hops after Wayne as he puts it on. The camera pans with him.)
WAYNE (V/O): You heard me.
(Kevin pauses in front of Wayne, who is standing next to his car at the curb.)
WAYNE: Get outta here! (Points.) This is all your fault! (Points.)
(Wayne turns toward the car. Kevin points at himself.)
KEVIN: Mine?! Hey, I didn't...(Gestures.)
(Wayne looks at him.)
WAYNE: Look, I don't even want to talk about it. Now, scram!
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Where are you going?
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne turning toward him.)
WAYNE: Where does it look like I'm going? (Frowns.)
(Wayne turns toward his car.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Are you gonna sleep in your car?
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne turning toward him.)
WAYNE: You got it, butthead. (Frowns.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
KEVIN: Well...why? (Gestures.) I mean, you got a bed in the house.
(Wayne looks at Kevin.)
(Wider shot of both as they look at each other.)
WAYNE: Because, I would rather sleep here...(points)...than spend one more night in that room with you! (Points.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, somewhat surprised.)
KEVIN: What?
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Don't you get it? I'm sick of you. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, somewhat surprised.)
WAYNE (V/O): I'm sick of hearing you.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: And I'm sick of knowing you. (Frowns.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen, somewhat surprised.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Now, get outta here! (Frowns.)
(Wayne turns toward the car.)
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him, then looking off. Sound of the car door slamming.)
It wasn't just what he said that hurt.
(Shot of Wayne in the back seat of the car, settling into the sleeping bag.)
It was the fact that he meant it.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
And at that moment, I felt...betrayed.
(Kevin licks his lips.)
(Wider shot of Kevin and the car as Kevin walks to the front of it.)
After fourteen years of putting up with the guy...
(Kevin stands in front of the car.)
A guy virtually no one could stand...
(Closer shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
He had the nerve to say a thing like that?
(Kevin frowns and looks down.)
(Shot of the front of the car and Kevin in profile, as he kicks the bumper.)
(Shot through the windshield of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: Hey, cut it out! (Frowns.)
(Shot from Wayne's perspective of Kevin as he starts to kick the bumper again.)
(Shot of the front of the car and Kevin in profile, as he kicks the bumper.)
(Shot through the windshield of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
WAYNE: I said cut it out, scrote! (Frowns.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
But I didn't care. I was sick of Wayne. For the first time in my life...
(Kevin starts to kick the bumper again.)
I truly wanted him gone.
(Close shot of the bumper as Kevin kicks it and it falls off.)
(Wider shot of the front of the car and Kevin looking at it.)
And then...
(The car starts to roll backward.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at the car off-screen in surprise.)
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the car rolling backward.)
Wayne went.
(Wayne looks around quickly.)
(Shot from Wayne's perspective of Kevin.)
WAYNE (V/O): Ehhh!
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Kevin starts to run after the car.)
(Shot of Wayne in the car as the camera moves in slightly.)
KEVIN (V/O): Wayne!
(Shot from behind the car as Wayne struggles with the sleeping bag. Kevin approaches the passenger door.)
WAYNE (V/O): Help!
(Kevin grabs the handle, then bangs on the door.)
KEVIN: Unlock the door!
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen as he struggles with the sleeping bag.)
WAYNE: I can't!
(Shot through the window of Kevin running along side the car.)
KEVIN: Unlock the door!
(The car pulls away slightly as it speeds up.)
WAYNE (V/O): I can't!
KEVIN: Wayne!
(Kevin grabs the radio antenna, which breaks off.)
(Shot from behind the car as Wayne sticks his head out the back window and Kevin slows up.)
WAYNE: Your gonna pay for that!
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the car hurrying away from him down the street, and Wayne struggling in the sleeping bag.)
(Shot of Kevin holding the antenna, and looking at the car off-screen.)
(Close shot of Wayne screaming.)
WAYNE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
(Shot from Kevin's perspective of the car hurrying away from him down the street.)
(Shot of Kevin looking at the car off-screen with surprise, then hurrying past the camera.)
(Shot of the corner, with a fire hydrant and trashcans on it as the car approaches.)
(Shot past the fire-hydrant as the car backs over the curb and knocks the hydrant away.)
(Shot of the car going over the (missing) hydrant, which is now shooting water about twenty-five feet into the air. The trashcans are knocked over.)
(Wider shot of the fountain of water and the car.)
(Shot of the side of the car as Wayne gets out of the sleeping bag and opens the door.)
(Wider shot of the fountain of water and the car as Wayne falls onto the sidewalk. He stands up as Kevin runs past the camera. Kevin slows up and looks at the fountain of water.)
(Closer shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to put things in perspective.
(Close shot of Wayne looking up at the fountain of water off-screen, panting.)
Sometimes it takes a worn-out brake...
(Wayne looks down.)
Five trashcans, and a busted fire-hydrant.
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
In any event...
KEVIN: I'll take Karen's room.
(Close shot of Wayne looking down, then at Kevin off-screen.)
That night...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
Wayne and I reached an understanding.
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin. He smiles and shakes his head slightly.)
WAYNE: No. (Nods.) I'll take it.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: No. No, really. (Shrugs.) I'll take the room.
(Shot past Kevin of Wayne looking at him.)
WAYNE: No. (Gestures.) I want it, really.
(Shot past Wayne of Kevin looking at him.)
KEVIN: No. It's OK. I'll take it.
WAYNE: No, no, no - I know it's OK, Kev.
(Very wide shot of the boys standing next to the car as the water shoots into the air. Some Snuffy guitar plays throughout.)
KEVIN: Wayne, I'll take the room.
(The camera rises very slowly.)
WAYNE: It's OK. I'll take the room.
KEVIN: No. Wayne, don't worry about it - I'll...
WAYNE: I mean, I want the room...
KEVIN: I know you don't. I'll take it...I know you'd rather...
In the end, Dad flipped a coin.
Fade to
Int. Night - The Bathroom
(Shot of Kevin drying his face and turning out the light, then approaching the camera, which rolls back, then pans as Kevin and Wayne meet in the hallway. Wayne is holding a box of stuff.)
Childhood is a struggle.
(They pass each other slowly.)
In struggling to separate ourselves from one another...
(They pause.)
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
Wayne and I had also struggled to...
(Close shot of Wayne looking at Kevin off-screen.)
Stay together.
(Wayne walks into Karen's old room.)
In order to break apart...
(Wayne sets the box on the bed.)
We had to...
(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)
Hurt each other.
(Kevin walks into his room. The camera follows.)
And now...
(Kevin sits on the edge of his bed.)
We'd done what we had to do.
(Kevin picks up a magazine, rolls it up slightly, and looks off.)
Fade to
Later
(Shot of Kevin lying in bed, awake. The camera pans around slowly as Kevin looks toward the window, then toward Wayne's room. Snuffy's guitar pauses.)
(Sound of knocking. Kevin slowly starts to get out of bed.)
(Shot of Kevin sitting up on the edge of his bed. Sound of four knocks.)
(Shot from behind Kevin as he stands up and approaches the closet. He slides the hangers of clothes over to one side, and starts to sit down.)
(Closer shot of Kevin as he sits in the closet. He knocks three times. Sound of four knocks.)
(Different angle as Kevin raises his arm, then smiles slightly as he knocks in the "shave-and-a-haircut" pattern. Sound of knocking in the "two-bits" pattern. Kevin smiles and looks at the closet wall as he starts to stand up.)
(Wider shot as Kevin stands and approaches the camera, then glances at the closet. Snuffy's guitar starts again as Kevin climbs into bed.)
The thing is, even today...
(Kevin pulls the covers up. The camera rises slowly.)
On nights when I lie in bed, listening to my children in their rooms, breathing next to one another...
(Kevin slides his arm under the covers and rolls onto his side away from the closet.)
I wish for them what my parents had wished for my brother and me.
Fade to
Home Movies
(Shot of a closed door as it is opened. Kevin and Wayne hold flashlights and wave at the camera.)
I wish for them...what we had.
Fade to
CLOSING CREDITS
Supporting Cast
Doug - Brandon Crane
Next Episode
Title/Transcripts
Episode Info
Wonder Years Menu
03/13/01 23:59