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Episode 5 - "The Phone Call"

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OPENING SEQUENCE


Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of Kevin sitting at the counter by the phone.)

There are very few things in life...

(He picks up the phone and looks at it.)

As purely terrifying...

(He slowly begins to dial.)

As calling a twelve-year-old girl on the telephone.

(Kevin slams the handset down in frustration.)

KEVIN: Ugh!

Especially...

(Kevin rests his cheek on his hand.)

A really cute twelve-year-old girl.

(Kevin looks at the phone and frowns.)

Cut to

Int. Day - Classroom

(Shot of a TV on a stand, showing Apollo 8 on the launch pad.)

NEWSCASTER #1 (on TV): We're at T minus nineteen and holding as the ground crew performs one last technical check before the historic Apollo 8 liftoff.

(The camera slowly pulls back as Mrs. Ritvo walks in front of the TV.)

She was in my home room in third period social studies class. I'll never forget that day.

(The camera pans across woth Mrs. Ritvo as she walks down the far aisle.)

Mrs. Ritvo let us watch the liftoff on TV.

(Mrs. Ritvo looks around the class. The camera continues slowly panning across as she walks out of the shot toward the front of the class.)

Now, at the time, I'd just gotten over this whole thing with Winnie Cooper...

(Kevin is slouching in his chair, with his cheek on his hand, and looking off.)

So I didn't really know I was ready for love.

(Kevin looks down.)

I just knew that I'd lost all interest in the space program.

(Close shot of a girl's white tennis shoes as she wags her foot.)

Blast off, splash down, blast off, splash down...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the girl off-screen and smiling slightly.)

Who cared?

(Shot of the girl tucking her hair behind her ear.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the girl, and smiling.)

But then...

(Shot of Kevin looking in another direction.)

My gaze settled on...

(Kevin sits up straight.)

On her...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of a girl sitting one desk over, looking toward the TV off-screen.)

On Lisa Berlini. Lisa Berlini was the kind of girl...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen.)

You dreamed about...but who would probably never even know your name.

(Shot of the TV.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen.)

But then it happened.

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Lisa looking toward the TV off-screen and counting down with the class.)

CLASS: Five!

(Shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen.)

CLASS: Three...

(Shot from Kevin's perspective of Lisa looking toward the TV off-screen and counting down with the class.)

CLASS: Two...

(Shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen.)

CLASS: One...blastoff!

(Shot from Kevin's perspective as Lisa claps with the class, and as turns toward him, smiling.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen as the camera zooms in.)

(Close shot of Lisa smiling at Kevin off-screen as the camera zooms in.)

(Very close shot of Apollo 8 blasting off. Music "I'm a Believer" starts.)

(Close shot of Kevin smiling slightly at Lisa off-screen as the camera zooms in.)

She looked at me - did you see that?

(Very close shot of Lisa smiling at Kevin off-screen.)

She looked right at me!

(Lisa licks her lips and looks forward.)

(High shot of the class class clapping. Kevin is looking toward Lisa.)

I don't know how to explain it.

(Close shot of Lisa looking forward, smiling, as the camera zooms in.)

Except to say that when you're twelve...

(Lisa looks at Kevin off-screen.)

And a girl like that looks at you like that, even for an instant...

(Shot of Kevin with his mouth open, looking at Lisa off-screen.)

Everything else gets blasted out of your mind...

(Shot of the rocket in the upper atmosphere.)

And into the upper atmosphere.

(Shot of Lisa and others standing up as the bell rings.)

(Shot of Kevin with his mouth open, watching Lisa off-screen.)

(Shot of Lisa near the doorway, then glancing at Kevin off-screen as she exits.)

(Shot of Kevin with his mouth open, looking at Lisa off-screen.)

I...was in love.

(Wide shot of Kevin sitting alone in the middle of the classroom as the last of the students exit.)

NEWSCASTER #1 on TV (V/O): And if all goes well on this mission, for the first time in human history, man will orbit the moon.

Fade to

Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot past the phone of Kevin sitting with his chin in his hands, staring at it.)

So now I was a man with a mission of my own. I had to find out if she liked me. The only problem was I didn't really know Lisa all that well.

(Kevin puts his arms down.)

Oh, let's face it, I'd never actually heard her speak. Maybe the easiest thing would be...

(Kevin picks up the phone.)

To just call her on the phone.

(Kevin begins to dial.)

KEVIN: Ugh!

(He slams down the phone, and rests his chin in his hands.)

Cut to

Int. Day - School Hallway

(Shot of Lisa and her girlfriend walking up the hallway, smiling.)

On the other hand, maybe the easiest thing would be to just bump into Lisa somewhere.

(The girls pass the camera. Kevin follows a short distance behind them, trotting forward sneakily.)

Casually. Accidentally.

(Kevin pauses and looks toward a doorway off-screen.)

(Wide shot of Lisa and her girlfiend pausing at the doorway.)

So I spent the next...

(Shot of Kevin looking at his watch, then getting a pencil.)

Three days tracking her every movement.

(Kevin flips open a small notebook and writes in it.)

Fade to

Later - School Hallway

(Wide shot of the hallway as Kevin enters from a far doorway and runs toward the camera as the bell rings.)

At eleven twenty one and fifteen seconds...

(Kevin runs around the corner. The camera pans with him.)

On Tuesday the eighth I made my move.

(Kevin slides to a stop past the doorway, crosses it as a girl opens it, and leans back against the wall.)

My plan was foolproof.

(Kids start to exit.)

I could already see it happening. I'd look at her, she'd look at me...I'd say...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at passing kids.)

"Oh, pardon me, I didn't expect to bump into you here". She'd say "Just my lucky day, I guess". One thing would lead to another. I'd suggest we talk about it over an ice cream sandwich.

(Kevin frowns slightly as the last of the kids passes by.)

(Shot of Kevin and the doorway as he steps inot the doorway and looks in the classroom. He backs out as Lisa walks down the hall, and the collide.)

(Close shot of Lisa in surprise.)

LISA: Oh.

(Shot past Lisa of Kevin looking at her, slightly stunned.)

KEVIN: Uh...uh...

(Shot past Kevin of Lisa looking at him and smiling slightly.)

LISA: Hi.

(Shot past Lisa of Kevin looking at her, slightly stunned, and hesitating.)

LISA: How are you?

KEVIN: Fine...fine...

(Shot past Kevin of Lisa looking at him, then shrugging and glancing off.)

LISA: Well, bye. (Nods.)

(Shot past Lisa of Kevin as she exits. Kevin looks after her off-screen. The camera pans over to Lisa as she glances over her shoulder at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Lisa off-screen as he frowns and shrugs in frustration.)

KEVIN: Fine?

(He slaps his forehead.)

KEVIN: Fine?!

(He bangs his books on his leg, then frowns and turns away.)

I realized then, that there were special things that a man says to a woman.

(He walks down the hallway, and bangs his head on a locker.)

KEVIN: Fine?!

Fade to

Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot past the phone of Kevin picking it up and dialing.)

KEVIN: Ugh!

(Kevin slams down phone. Theme from "Romeo and Juliet" starts, and plays through the next few scenes.)

I also realized that I had no idea what those things were.

Cut to

Int. Night - Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot of Kevin tossing in bed.)

But now, I was officially a goner. I couldn't sleep...

Cut to

Int. Evening - Kitchen Table

(Close shot of Kevin's plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and peas, as he finishes spelling "LISA" with the peas.)

I couldn't eat.

(Shot past Kevin of all the Arnold's at the kitchen table, looking at Kevin and frowning. Kevin looks up.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking around the table, as he covers his plate with his hands.)

Cut to

School Classroom

(Close shot of Kevin's hand as he doodles in his notebook. He has drawn a large heart and arrow with "Kevin+Lisa 4 Ever" in it, etc.)

MRS. RITVO (V/O): Mr. Arnold?

(Shot of Kevin doodling, and Winnie sitting behind him.)

I couldn't learn.

MRS. RITVO (V/O): Mr. Arnold...

(He looks up quickly, slightly surprised.)

MRS. RITVO (V/O): I'm waiting.

KEVIN: Huh?

(He glances off.)

KEVIN: Oh, well..uh...(frowns)...could...you...repeat the question, again. Please?

(Close shot of Mrs. Ritvo licking her lips and frowning at Kevin off-screen.)

MRS. RITVO: I asked if you were present...

(Her voice fades as music swells.)

(Shot of Kevin and Winnie as Kevin glances down, then back to Mrs. Ritvo off-screen.)

Cut to

Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot past the phone of Kevin looking at it. The music swells as Kevin picks up the phone and dials. He hesitates, then slams the phone down, and looks at it. He puts his cheek on his hand as the music ends.)

Cut to

Int. Day - School Cafeteria

(Wide shot from behind Kevin and Paul, who are standing with trays of food, facing the crowded cafeteria.)

PAUL: Can we sit down now? I'm getting leg cramps.

(Shot of Paul and Kevin as Kevin looks both direction over his shoulders, then forward, and frowns.)

PAUL: Who are you looking for?

(Kevin looks at Paul.)

Kevin: I'm not looking for anybody!

(Shot of Kevin looking around, then smiling.)

(Shot of Lisa and her girlfriend at a table, in conversation.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul appraching a table. Kevin is looking toward Lisa off-screen as he sits down. Paul sits down. glances at Kevin, then Lisa off-screen, then Kevin again.)

PAUL: Why are you staring at Lisa Berlini?

(Kevin turns toward Paul and gags him with his hand.)

(Close shot past Paul of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: What are you trying to do to me?! Are you crazy?! Alright, if I let go will you promise to be quiet?

(Paul emits a muffled "yes".)

KEVIN: You swear?

(Paul nods.)

(Shot of both as Kevin releases him and looks toward Lisa off-screen. Paul shrugs.)

PAUL: Did I say something wrong?

(Kevin looks toward Paul, then Lisa off-screen.)

(Shot of Lisa and her girlfriend laughing.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

PAUL: What? Do you like her or something?

(Kevin looks at Paul.)

KEVIN: What? Are you crazy? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Where do you get ideas like that? (Frowns.)

(Kevin snorts and looks at Lisa off-screen, then down, then at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, sort of. (Frowns.)

PAUL (V/O): Wow!

(Shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: Really? (Smiles.) Does she like you too?

(Shot of Paul and Kevin.)

KEVIN: Paul, I have no idea. (Gestures.)

(Paul looks off in thought, as Kevin looks toward Lisa off-screen, then looks at Kevin.)

PAUL: Do you know who'd know?

(Kevin turns toward Paul and gestures.)

KEVIN: Paul, you've got to promise me this once, don't let anybody know. (Gestures.) Ever!

(Paul raises his hand.)

PAUL: OK, OK.

(Paul picks up an apple and takes a bite as Kevin looks down, then at Paul.)

KEVIN: Who?

(Paul nods and swallows heavily as music "Romeo and juliet" starts.)

And so began the great intermediary fiasco.

PAUL: Patty Galvin. She lives right next door to her, and she knows everything about her. Do you want me to ask?

(Kevin looks down.)

Torn between the forces of...

(Close shot of Kevin as he gestures and mouthes "OK, but ya gotta promise...****)

Torturous love...and the fear of...

(Shot of Kevin and Paul as Paul stands up.)

Horrible humiliation...

(Shot of them talking as Paul walks past Kevin.)

I agreed on the sworn promise that not a word would ever be mentioned directly to Lisa Berlini...

(Shot of Patty and her friends as Paul approaches her.)

To let Paul ask Patty Galvin...

(Paul pause next to Patti, who looks at him.)

Whether or not Lisa liked me.

(Paul cups his hand over his mouth and leans near Patti's ear.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen.)

After all, Patty did know everything...

(Shot of Paul and Patti.)

About Lisa.

(Paul walks off as Patty stands up.)

(Shot of Kevin watching as Paul returns and sits down.)

PAUL: She had no idea.

(Kevin looks toward Lisa off-screen.)

KEVIN: Well, what's she doing? (Gestures.)

(Shot of Patti approaching a boy at a table, and leaning closer.)

KEVIN (V/O): Where's she going now?

PAUL (V/O): She's asking Tommy Rygot.

(Patty whispers to Tommy and points toward Kevin.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

KEVIN: Oh God, it's going to be all over the school!

(Shot of Tommy standing up and sliding his chair in.)

And Tommy Rygot of course...

(The camera pans with him, across Lisa, as he walks across the cafeteria.)

Had absolutely no idea. But he was thoughtful enough to inquire of...of...

(Tommy approaches a girl and leans closer. The girl glances toward Kevin off-screen.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: Who's she? (Gestures.)

PAUL: I've never seen her before in my life. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Lisa and her girlfriend. Tommy and the other girl are in the distance behind them.)

Of someone we'd never seen before in our lives.

(Tommy walks off as the girl approaches Lisa.)

(Shot of Kevin and Paul looking at them off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh my God! No!

(Shot of Lisa as the girl approaches her.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at them off-screen, horrified.)

KEVIN: What's she doing?!

(Closer shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: Paul, what's she doing?!

(Shot of the girl leaning closer to Lisa, who turns toward her. The girl says something, and points at Kevin off-screen. Lisa looks at Kevin off-screen.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking surprised, with his mouth open.)

(Wider shot of Kevin and Paul as Kevin gets up and hurries off.)

(Shot of a boy approaching as Kevin bumps into him, scattering food. Kids laugh as Kevin runs out.)

Cut to

Boys' Restroom

(Shot of an empty stall as the music fades.)

After the great intermediary fiasco had...fiascoed...

(The camera pans across a row of empty stalls.)

It was clear I could never be seen by Lisa Berlini again.

(The camera pans across a closed stall, and continues.)

There were certain places I felt I was unlikely to bump into her.

(Kevin is sitting on one of the toilets, resting his head on his hand. Paul stands at stall door, holding a sandwich.)

PAUL: I'm going to flush this tuna fish sandwich if you don't want it.

(The camera stops, and Kevin looks at Paul.)

KEVIN: Paul...(gestures)...what did she do after the girl asked her if she liked me?

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: I don't know, I was watching you run out.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down. The bell rings, and Kevin looks up.)

(Close shot of Paul looking toward the door off-screen, then Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: Well, I guess we've got to go to O'Brien's class.

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

KEVIN: Nuh-uh. (Gestures.) I'm not going anywhere - she might see me.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: Well, you can't just stay here all day.

(Close shot of Kevin shrugging at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Why not? (Frowns.)

"Why not?" is right. I had running water...

(Shot of Kevin and Paul.)

Indoor plumbing, tuna...

(Kevin grabs the sandwich from Paul.)

I could last weeks.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: You're going to see her on the bus anyway. (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Paul off-screen.)

KEVIN: Not if I walk home.

(Close shot of Paul looking at Kevin off-screen.)

PAUL: Yeah, but what about tomorrow?

Cut to

Int. Morning - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of Kevin in the kitchen doorway.)

KEVIN: Mom...(sighs)...I have a sore throat.

NORMA (V/O): You do?

(Shot of Norma at the sink. She looks at Kevin off-screen and gestures.)

NORMA: Come here and lemme take a look. (Frowns.)

(Kevin passes the camera and approaches Norma.)

NORMA: Say "Ah".

(Norma opens her mouth in example and holds Kevin's jaw.)

KEVIN: Ahhhhh...

NORMA: Well, it is a little red.

(Norma opens a drawer and gets a flashlight, then holds it toward Kevin.)

(Shot past Norma of Kevin with his head tilted back and tongue out.)

KEVIN: Ahhhhh...

Of course, the human throat is always red but fortunately my mother never looked at it...

(Norma takes her hands away, and Kevin closes his mouth.)

(Shot of both as Norma sets the flashlight down.)

When I wasn't complaining.

(Norma puts her hands on her hips.)

NORMA: You'd better go back to bed. (Nods.)

(Shot past Norma of Kevin looking at her.)

KEVIN: Do I have to?

NORMA (V/O): No arguments. I'll bring you some cocoa and the TV.

(Shot of both as Norma points toward the door.)

NORMA: Go on!

(Kevin turns slowly, then smiles as he exits.)

Cut to

Int. Day - Kevin's Bedroom

(Shot of "The Dating Game" on TV. Blonde Girl: "Bachelor number three - what do you think about mini-skirts?")

(Shot of Kevin sitting in bed, drinking from a cup, with a breakfast tray across his legs.)

After about two hours of steady bed rest and television...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen.)

The world always looks a little better.

Cut to

Later

(Shot of Kevin in bed, removing a thermometer from his mouth and looking at the TV, appearing bored.)

After about ten hours it always looks a lot worse.

(Kevin glances around, then at the TV.)

I started to feel disgusted with myself. I mean, what was I going to do? Spend the rest of my life...

(Shot of "Let's Make a Deal" on TV.)

Watching "Let's Make a Deal" because I was afraid of a...

(Shot of Kevin looking at the TV.)

Twelve-year-old girl?

(Kevin sits up and switches the channel.)

NEWSCASTER FRANK (V/O on TV): As the astronauts...

(Kevin lies back down.)

NEWSCASTER FRANK (V/O on TV): Round the far side of the moon tonight, for the first time since the days of Christopher Columbus...

(Shot of the TV, showing two newscasters, Frank, and Walter Cronkite.)

FRANK: Mankind will truly see a new horizon.

WALTER CRONKITE: But the thing that amazes me most, Frank, is the personal courage of those three men.

(Shot of Kevin looking at the TV with more interest.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O on TV): They are truly rising to the challenge set forth by President Kennedy in 1960.

(Kevin sits up.)

KENNEDY (V/O on TV): Though while we cannot guarantee...

(Shot of the TV, showing President Kennedy at a podium.)

KENNEDY: That we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure...

(Shot of Kevin looking off.)

KENNEDY (V/O on TV): To make this effort, will make us last.

(Sound of applause on TV.)

Suddenly I realized what I had to do. I couldn't run away from Lisa Berlini. I had to take that brave leap into the unknown.

Cut to

Int. Day - Arnold Kitchen

(Very close shot of Kevin as he sits near the phone, picks it up, and quickly dials.)

I had to pick up the phone and call her.

(Kevin looks off as the phione rings once.)

(Wider shot past the phone of Kevin as he slams down the handset.)

Right after dinner.

(Kevin looks at the phone as he slumps backward into Jack's chair at the table. Twangy guitar music plays. Kevin rest his head on his fist.)

Fade to

Int. Evening - Kitchen Table

(Shot of Wayne and Jack sitting at the table, watching the Apollo mission on TV.)

(Shot of Norma and Kevin. Norma looks at the TV off-screen, and Kevin looks down as he forks his food.)

NEWSCASTER #1 (V/O on TV): And if the moon orbit is successful, NASA officials hope to meet President Kennedy's challenge...

(Close shot of Karen looking toward the TV off-screen.)

NEWSCASTER #1 (V/O on TV): To land a man on the moon some time in this decade.

(Close shot of Kevin looking off as he takes a bite.)

Well, I had a challenge of my own. I would call Lisa Berlini...

(Kevin takes a sip of milk.)

By eight o'clock tonight - or die trying.

(Kevin looks down, as Norma's hand brushes his hair back.)

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: Honey, you're looking a little pale. How's your throat feeling? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning as Norma's hand smoothes his hair. He looks down and rubs his neck, then looks at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Pretty bad...

(He rubs his neck again.)

KEVIN: Pretty painful.

(Close shot of Norma frowning and looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: You know, maybe I should try looking at that throat when it's normal...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen and frowning slightly.)

NORMA (V/O): Just for comparison.

(Kevin looks down, then at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Mom?

(Close shot of Norma as she chews.)

NORMA: Hmm?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Do you remember the first time Dad called you up on the phone?

(Close shot of of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: Um...

(She looks toward Jack off-screen, then at Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: I don't really remember.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

KEVIN: Oh.

(He shrugs.)

JACK (V/O): I think it was Macy's.

(Shot of Wayne and Jack as they eat.)

NORMA (V/O): Oh, that's right - Macy's.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: I was working at a tie counter at Macy's...

(She looks toward Kevin off-screen, then down.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): And your father called to see if he could return a tie.

KEVIN: So you didn't even know him? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Norma glancing from Kevin to Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: Well, yeah, I knew him.

(She looks at her food.)

(Shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): Well, I was the one who sold him the tie.

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: I remember holding it up to him...

(Close shot of Jack smiling at Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): To see if it matched his shirt.

(Close shot of Norma smiling at Jack off-screen as she takes a bite of food.)

(Close shot of Kevin glancing from Norma to Jack, then back to Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: So, were you hoping he'd call you?

(Close shot of Norma looking at Jack off-screen.)

NORMA: Hoping?

(She glances at Jack, then Kevin off-screen.)

NORMA: No.

(She shakes her head.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Norma off-screen.)

NORMA (V/O): I just sold him the tie and I figured that was pretty much it.

(Kevin looks off, then at Norma off-screen.)

KEVIN: Oh.

(He looks down, shrugs, and resumes eating.)

Fade to

Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of the clock showing 7:40 PM. Sound effect of pounding heart.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin looking at it.)

Well, this was it.

(Kevin holds up a small piece of paper and looks at it.)

T minus nineteen and counting. I could just pick up that phone...

(Kevin folds up the paper.)

And call her anytime now.

(Kevin sets the paper down, then tentatively places his hand on the handset, and closes his eyes tightly.)

JACK (V/O): Norm!

(Kevin opens his eyes and jerks back.)

(Wide shot of the kitchen as Jack looks in a drawer.)

JACK: Where's that damn check book?

NORMA (V/O): It's in the drawer!

(Jack looks toward the dining room off-screen.)

JACK: No, it's not. I looked.

(Kevin opens a drawer at the counter he is at, and takes out the check book.)

KEVIN: Dad?

JACK: Hmm?

(Jack turns toward Kevin.)

JACK: Oh, thanks.

(Jack takes the check book from Kevin and looks toward the dining room off-screen.)

JACK: Never mind!

(Shot past Jack's hands and the check book of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: Um, Dad?

JACK (V/O): Mmh?

KEVIN: I was just going to use the phone.

(Close shot of Jack looking at the check book off-screen as he writes.)

JACK: So use it.

(Shot past Jack's hands and the check book of Kevin looking at him.)

KEVIN: Well, I was kind of hoping for a little privacy. (Frowns.)

(Shot of Jack, still looking at the check book.)

JACK: What do you need privacy for?

(Shot past Jack's hands and the check book of Kevin looking off and frowning slightly, then looking at Jack off-screen.)

KEVIN: Dad?

JACK (V/O): Hmm?

KEVIN: I'm calling about returning a tie.

(Shot of Jack looking at the check book, then looking at Kevin off-screen. Snuffy's guitar plays.)

As he looked at me...

(Jack smiles and nods slightly.)

(Shot past Jack's hands and the check book of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen and smiling.)

I knew we both sensed the cycle of family history poignantly repeating itself.

(Shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: Since when do you wear ties?

(Shot past Jack's hands and the check book of Kevin looking at Jack off-screen as the music grinds down. Kevin looks off and frowns. Jack tosses the pen down and picks up the check book.)

(Shot of Jack looking at Kevin off-screen.)

JACK: Don't touch my pens.

(Jack exits.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin looking toward Jack off-screen, then picking up the paper again.)

(Fade to shot of the clock showing 7:46 PM. Sound of heartbeats.)

Well, this was really it.

(Shot past the phone of Kevin setting the paper down.)

(Kevin rehearses in different voices.)

KEVIN: Hi, this is Kevin. Hi, this is Kevin. Hi, this is Kevin.

Just do it!

(Kevin puts his hand on the phone.)

Do it now.

(Kevin picks up the phone and dials. Sound of loud heartbeats.)

KEVIN: Hi, this is Kevin. How are you?

(Music and heartbeats end.)

(Shot of Paul, holding the phone.)

PAUL: Uh, fine. What's up?

KEVIN (V/O): Um, nothing.

(Shot past the phone of Kevin.)

KEVIN: I just wanted to see how your day was.

(Wider shot of Paul on the phone.)

PAUL: Oh, it was fine.

(Close shot of Kevin.)

KEVIN: So what happened in math? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Um, nothin'. (Shrugs.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking down.)

KEVIN: Did you do anything good in gym? (Nods.)

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: Mmm, nope, not really.

(He shakes his head.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking off.)

KEVIN: Nothing? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Paul.)

PAUL: No, not really.

(Close shot of Kevin looking down and frowning heavily.)

KEVIN: For God's sake, Paul! (Frowns.) Your life is so boring! It's really depressing!

(Shot past the phone of Kevin as he slams it down.)

(Close shot of Paul glancing at his phoone.)

PAUL: Hello? Hello?!

(Paul looks at the phone.)

Fade to

Int. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of the clock showing 7:52 PM. Sound of heartbeats.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin as he unfolds the piece of paper.)

Well, something deep inside me told me...

(Kevin looks at the paper.)

This was really, really, it.

(Kevin looks at the phone.)

It wasn't the way every muscle in my body tightened...

(Kevin puts the paper down.)

Although it did.

(Kevin grips the counter.)

And it wasn't because every nerve ending in my body tingled...

(Kevin looks down.)

Although it did.

(Kevin looks off and frowns.)

No, it was because the way every piece of food I had eaten for dinner suddenly went into a spin-cycle in my stomach.

(Kevin's timidly reaches toward phone.)

(Close shot of Kevin's hand slowly moving toward the phone.)

(Very close shot of Kevin looking toward the phone off-screen, then shuts his eyes.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin reaching for it. The phone rings as Kevin touches it. Kevin jerks back.)

KEVIN: Ah!

(The phone rings again. Kevin answers it.)

KEVIN: H-hello? (Frowns.)

(Close shot of Kevin holding the phone, then slumping.)

KEVIN: Yeah Jeff, just a minute.

(Kevin lowers the phone.)

KEVIN: Wayne!

(Wider shot of Kevin standing up and holding his hand over the mouthpiece.)

KEVIN: Wayne!

(Wayne enters past the camera. Kevin holds the handset out and Wayne takes it.)

KEVIN: It's Jeff, but, could you kinda keep it short?

(Wayne picks up the phone base.)

KEVIN: Because I gotta, you know, use the phone.

(Wayne pushes Kevin backward with the phone base.)

WAYNE: I'll be off when I'm off, scrote.

(Wayne scoots a chair out.)

WAYNE: This happens to be a very important phone call.

(Wayne sits at the table and puts his feet up.)

WAYNE (To Jeff): Yo, buttface.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne off-screen.)

WAYNE (V/O): Yeah, how you doin'? Did you see the way I nailed Jimmy on the bus today?

Wayne's idea of an important call was obviously...

(Close shot of Wayne on the phone.)

A little different from mine, or any human being's for that matter.

(Wider shot of Kevin and Wayne as Kevin stands up.)

KEVIN: Wayne, can this wait? (Gestures.)

WAYNE (To Kevin): Nah, in a minute.

(Wayne pushes Kevin back with his foot.)

WAYNE: (To Jeff): Oh yeah. Oh god, he's a real weeder. You know, I feel we should all tie him up and uh...

Diagonal Wipe to

Later

(Same shot as before. Wayne is still talking on the phone.)

WAYNE: Yeah, alright, talk to you tomorrow.

(Wayne hangs up, then stands up.)

WAYNE: All yours, scrote.

(Wayne shoves the phone against Kevin. Wayne starts to leave, then stops, and puts his hands on his hips.)

Oh no, no, please, no.

(Wayne smiles and turns toward Kevin.)

Why didn't I call before? Why?

(Shot of Kevin as Wayne approaches him.)

Maybe he was just going to ask if I wanted the door shut.

(Wayne pokes Kevin on the shoulder.)

WAYNE: Who you callin', scrote?

(Kevin looks toward the paper, then Wayne.)

KEVIN: No one. (Shrugs.)

(Wayne pokes Kevin and smiles. Kevin bats his hands away.)

WAYNE: Been waiting kind of a long time to be calling no one, pal.

KEVIN: Leave me alone, Wayne.

(Kevin looks toward the phone.)

WAYNE: Could it be...

(Wayne glances off.)

WAYNE: A girl?

(Kevin turns toward him.)

KEVIN: Leave me alone!

(Wayne looks off.)

WAYNE: Let's see, who could it be?

KEVIN: No one, now get out!

(Wayne itemizes on his fingers.)

WAYNE: Could it be Debbie Ackerman?

KEVIN: Get out!

WAYNE: Katie Osborne? (Frowns.)

KEVIN: Quit it!

WAYNE: Well, the number's got to be here somewhere. (Gestures.)

(Kevin looks toward the paper. Wayne lunges for it, and Kevin grabs him. Wayne takes the paper as Kevin hits him on the arm.)

WAYNE: Uh-uh-uh. Thank you.

(Wayne looks at the paper.)

WAYNE: Oh, Lisa. Do we know any Lisa's?

KEVIN: That's not even it.

WAYNE: Oh? (Frowns.) I'm sure you won't mind if I...

(Wayne picks up the phone.)

WAYNE: Call her then, will you, pal, huh?

(Wayne sits on the table. Kevin puts his hands behind his head and leans back.)

KEVIN: Not at all.

(Wayne lifts the phone and starts to dial.)

WAYNE: Alright.

(Kevin looks at Wayne.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at Wayne, then the phone off-screen.)

(Shot of both as Wayne dials the last number, then looks at Kevin and smiles. Kevin lunges for the phone.)

KEVIN: No!

(Kevin struggles to grab the phone from Wayne.)

KEVIN: Give me it, please, Wayne, oh God, no! Please, please, oh please! Give...

(Closer shot of Wayne as Kevin tries to take the phone.)

WAYNE: It's ringing.

(Wider shot of both as Kevin tries to take the phone.)

KEVIN: Oh god, no! Please!

JACK: (V/O, yelling): Hey, what the hell is going on in there?

(Wayne bangs the phone down, then holds his finger.)

WAYNE: Argh! Nothing.

(Wayne rubs his finger and shakes his hand.)

(Shot of Jack as he enters.)

JACK: Wayne, get out of here and leave him alone.

(Shot of Wayne and Kevin looking at Jack off-screen.)

JACK (V/O): Now!

(Shot of Jack as he exits.)

(Shot of Kevin and Wayne as Wayne sucks his little finger, then pushes Kevin's forehead.)

WAYNE: Butthead.

(Wayne passes the camera.)

(Shot of Wayne turning toward Kevin off-screen and making a face, then exiting.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin sitting down, and looking at the clock off-screen.)

Well, I still had one minute before eight o'clock.

(Shot of the clock showing 7:59 PM. Sound of heartbeats.)

If I had a shred of manhood in me...

(Shot of Kevin looking at the phone.)

I would call her now.

(Kevin picks up the phone and dials.)

T minus seven, six, five, four, three...

(Closer shot of Kevin looking down.)

Two, one...

(Kevin pauses as the phone rings.)

(Shot of Lisa in her room as she picks up a pink phone.)

LISA: Hello. This is Lisa. Kevin who? Kevin Arnold? (Smiles.)

(Shot of Lisa and a girlfriend sitting on her bed. She looks at her friend and holds the phone against herself.)

LISA: Who's Kevin Arnold?

(Lisa's friend cups her mouth near Lisa's ear and whispers something. Lisa holds the phone up.)

LISA: Oh, hi, Kevin.

(Lisa stands up, and looks at more people off-screen.)

LISA: Hey, you guys. You've got to hear this.

(She holds the phone out slightly as people gather around her.)

LISA: I'm fine Kevin, how are you? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

(Tommy Rygot joins the crowd.)

LISA: You don't say.

(Lisa giggles and hold the phone out as her friends start laughing. Mrs. Ritvo, Mr. Katz, and two newscasters join the crowd.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking apprehensive. Sound of heartbeats.)

(Shot of the crowd around Lisa. One newscaster looks at the camera, holding a microphone.)

NEWSCASTER FRANK: We're here live at the Lisa Berlini house where Lisa is talking to Kevin Arnold on the telephone.

(Frank turns toward the other newscaster.)

NEWSCASTER FRANK: Jim, maybe you have an answer to the question we've been wondering about. Why would Kevin call Lisa when it's so obvious she thinks he's a total jerk?

(The crowd begins to laugh uncontrollably. Jim takes the microphone.)

NEWSCASTER JIM: I really don't know Frank, but if we put our microphone up close to the phone, we can actually listen in on the call, although I don't know if our audience will be able to hear above all this laughing.

(Jim puts the microphone near the phone.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking apprehensive. Sound of heartbeats. The phone is still ringing.)

(Shot past the phone of Kevin as he slams down the handset, looking startled. Heartbeats stop. He looks at the clock off-screen.)

(Shot of the clock showing 8:01 PM.)

(Close shot of Kevin frowning.)

Eight o'clock had come and gone. I guess...

(Kevin looks at the phone off-screen. Snuffy's guitar plays intermittently.)

I just couldn't do it.

NORMA (V/O): Kevin!

(Shot past the phone of Kevin looking at it.)

NORMA (V/O): Kevin, honey? You should be watching this.

(Kevin looks up, then stands up.)

Cut to

Living Room

(Shot of Wayne, Karen, Jack and Norma on the couch, looking at the TV. Kevin enters and stands at the end of the couch.)

ASTRONAUT (V/O): (Hard to make out.)

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen.)

NEWSCASTER FRANK (V/O on TV): For the first time ever seen by human eyes, the planet Earth, rising over the moon.

(Close shot of the TV showing the Earth and moon.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): Sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it Frank? To think that there on that lovely glowing orb...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): Wars are being fought...

(Kevin looks at Norma off-screen.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): Storms raging...

(Close shot of Norma looking at Kevin off-screen, then the TV off-screen.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): People are being born, people dying...

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): All our human conflict, our passion, our pain...

(Shot of the Earth and moon.)

WALTER CRONKITE (V/O): Being carried on, beneath that veil of clouded blue.

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen. Snuffy's guitar plays.)

And suddenly I got this funny feeling. Maybe I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. I mean, Lisa wasn't going to laugh at me. And anyway...

(Shot of the Earth and moon.)

What if she did? Did it really matter?

(Close shot of Kevin looking at the TV off-screen.)

ANNOUNCER (V/O on TV): And now this...

(A commercial comes on the TV. "Oh, Fab, I'm glad, they put real Borax in you!")

(Wide shot of all.)

And that's when I knew what I had to do.

(Kevin exits.)

Cut to

Kitchen

(Shot of the phone as Kevin passes the camera, sits down, and smiles.)

I just had to pick up the phone...

(Kevin picks up the phone and dials.)

And call her.

(The camera slowly pulls back as Kevin dials and waits.)

KEVIN: Lisa?

(Snuffy's guitar plays.)

KEVIN: Hi. This is Kevin, from home room.

Fade to

Ext. Evening - Arnold Kitchen

(Shot of Kevin through the kitchen window. The camera pulls up and back.)

KEVIN (V/O): Yeah, right, the little guy....Oh, I had a sore throat....Nah, it's not too bad. I'll probably come back to school tomorrow......Mrs. Ritvo? Yeah, she's so weird. Haha...

Fade to

CLOSING CREDITS

Supporting Cast
Lisa Berlini - Kathy Wagner
Mrs. Ritvo - Linda Hoy
Mr. Katz - Paul Price

Music

"I'm A Believer" - The Monkees
"Theme from Romeo and Juliet" - Nino Rota

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12/24/04 21:00